england. >> it's like singing a duet with sinatra. nice job. thanks for watching abc news. i hope you check in with "good morning america" as they look in tomorrow's historic jackpot drawing. see you tomorrow. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live." >> jimmy: you should probably do something weird at first for april fool's. try taking money out of the collection basket. >> dicky: carson daly. >> golf. >> jimmy: who majors in golf? >> me. >> dicky: and music from esperanza>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimm

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carson daly. kristen schaal. and music from esperanza spalding. and now in all likelihood, here's jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everyone seems like they're having fun. why don't we make this a sleepover party? all pile up on my desk. it will be great. i have an important reminder for those who have a tendency to

forget, sunday and april 1, so don't forget to set all the clocks back in your house an hour. not because you have to, but just because it's funny. april fool's day falls on sunday. so you should do something weird if you go to church. try making money out of the collection basket. because april fool's day is almost upon us, we thought it was a good time for a youtube challenge. this say fun thing we do from time to time. i encourage people to pull a prank on their loved ones. i asked parents to tell their kids they eight all the halloween candy. >> i ate all the halloween candy last night. >> jimmy: then around christmas time, we asked them to wrap a crappy gift and give it to their kids. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: that also went well. and then last month, the end of football season, we focused our evil on adults, asking you to unplug the television set at a crucial moment during the super bowl. [ bleep ]. >> dude, not funny, man. >> jimmy: ironically nothing funnier than when somebody tells you it's not funny. so back to the youtube challenge. have you seen the eampt leasia silverstone video? when she feeds her young son, chews the food for him, and then spits it into his mouth like a bird. i don't want you to spit food into your kids' mouths. even i have limits.

but i would like you to tell you it's been chewed and then serve it to them on a plate like this. this used to be pizza by the way. you can use any food and tell the kids a doctor named alisa silverstone said it's healthy for parents to chew the food first and explain that this is how it's going to work in the house from now on. please record your children's reaction and upload it to youtube with the title, hay, jimmy kimmel, i silverstoned my kid. we'll contact you and then use it on the show next week, probably monday night. as usual, our lawyers have asked us to remind you not to pass disease to your children, as if that would have been your plan. don't chew the food. just make it look chewed. kids don't know any better. they're dumb. we're taking one more step toward a real life hunger games. today was a good day for lindsay

lohan. she was officially taken off formal probation. the judge switched her from formal probation to informal probation for her shoplifting arrest. so i guess that means our little lindsay is growing up. informal probation is similar to formal probation but you can wear flip flops. the probation hearing was carried live on e! online. maybe i'm old-fashioned, but i don't think there should be red carpets at a probation hearing. she seemed happy in court. she thanked the judge. even her lawyer. >> to recap, on the beverly hills probation violation, in the theft case, she entered a plea on may 11, 2011. she's done everything that this court has asked of her. goodbye and good luck. >> thank you. >> i think the prosecutors wish you good luck also.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: and she's back in jail. but she had a good run. [cheers and applause ] this is pretty amazing. then she got arrested for dui in 2007. she's been to jail six times and made 19 court appearances. i think that qualifies her to be a judge. it's been quite a journey for her and all of us since the parent trap. now that she's on the straight and narrow, it seems like a good time to look back at her many visits to her home away from home, the l.a. superior court. ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: there you go. in reality television news, deena cortez, known simply as deena, the popular dwarf from "jersey shore," is in the news because of surgery rumors. she showed up last week on the red carpet and her face looked very different. this is the face she makes when the house is out of blueberry vodka, and this is the new deena. that's not deena. that's a monster. where's the deena? that's deena. deena denies having surgery,

although you know, with the way she drinks, maybe she did have it and forgot. she could have a sex-change operation and not remember she had it. meanwhile tonight on mtv the first of many spin-offs, this one called the pauly d project, starring pauly d. people love pauly d and sunny d. people love things with a d, for some reason. but on this show, he takes a break gr getting drunk and having sex in new jersey, to get drunk and have sex in las vegas. and we get to watch him deejay. if i was producing this show, it would go like this, every week, 12 angry unemployed construction workers would line up to try to break his hair with a sledge hammer. so now we have a pauly d show, a show coming out starring snooki and jwoww, and today they announced a third spin-off. to me, this character is the

most interesting of all of them. >> he was one of the most beloved cast members from jersy shor. now he's into his very own show. doggin' with the duck bone, rolling up and blowing up, loving it and rubbing it. >> clubbin is ducky's life and tonight the girls are down to do it with the duck. >> get your thing off me. >> it's out of control. [ duck quacking ] >> dude steps up and he's got a problem with me? >> come on, man! >> doggin' with the duck phone. tuesday at nine followed by an all new snoew snooki's drunk ba. [cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: i would watch the snooki drunk baby show. there's a new reality show on vh 1 called couple's therapy. the idea is troubled celebrity couples gu through relationship counsels on tv where it works best. it might be time for vh 1 to change their name to the celebrity sadness channel because the most entertaining part of this show is dmx. dmx and his wife have been married 14 years, but recently separated because he cheated on her like 100,000 times. they're on the show to save their marriage, but dmx doesn't seem like he's quite ready for monogamy yet. >> if i could wave a magic wand and you could stop [ bleep ] other chicks? would you want to? >> if you could wave a magic want and do that, yeah. i don't see it happening,

though. >> and why is that? >> well, it's kind of like this. say you love eggs, scrambled eggs, hard-boiled eggs, eggs benedict, you love them. but every once in a while, you're going to need a bowl of cereal. once you've had the bowl of cereal, your love of eggs has been renewed all over again. >> jimmy: what a great commercial for the egg council. in other words, he's cheating on her with captain crunch. hey, this is a new invention from japan. japan is a land full of all sorts of wonderful things you don't need. it's basically the sky mall of countries. researchers at a university there have developed a robotic hand, so you can have the experience of shaking hands during a video conference with somebody in another city. here it is in action. it's made of silicone and sponge.

it has a heater inside to match your body temperature and the sensors match your grip. so if you squeeze, it squeezes. it's only a matter of time before the porn industry gets a hold of this, right? george michael will never have to get arrested in a park again. [cheers and applause ] these will be obsolete. the only technological advancements, by 2080, we will all look like this. the big drawing for the mega millions jackpot happens tomorrow night. it's at $540 million now, the biggest jackpot in the history of the world. either that or it's the biggest april fool's prank in the history of the lottery commission. sorry, everyone, it's really only $800. in the race for president, rick santorum had another awkward moment yesterday at a bowling a. willy in wisconsin.

he was campaigning there ahead of the gop primary on tuesday. reportedly he stopped a young boy from using a pink bowling ball. the boy picked a pink bowling ball up and rick told the kid, you're not going to use the pink ball. we're not going to let you do that on camera. and then he said, friends don't let friends use pink balls. i have the same policy with friends in sweater vests, but that's just me. gay rights groups took issues with the comment saying he's advancing tired gender norms. but i don't think that was an anti-gay statement. maybe rick santorum just happens to like black balls. he doesn't want the pink balls. he likes the big black balls, the heavier the better, too. he likes a little heft to them. >> cleto: i agree. >> jimmy: time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we

bleep things whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> they left dodger stadium in droves, now it appears they're [ bleep ] back. >> at one point he pulled me and my face hit [ bleep ]. >> who got the [ bleep ] on celebrity apprentice? >> stay here, somebody will be [ bleep ]. >> how big is this [ bleep ] here? >> with a look at rick santorum, blew his [ bleep ] over the weekend. >> caribbean cruise ends in [ bleep ] for two men from palm strings. >> florida is 100 years old today. >> nick's hurting right now. >> there is new evidence that [ bleep ] for lengthy periods of time is not good for you. >> people who rely on luck are [ bleep ] themselves.

>> everybody grab your [ bleep ] and your first ball. >> come on, vam nose! >> let's go [ bleep ] my magic wand. kristen schaal is here, we have music from esperanza spalding, and we'll be right back with carson daly, so stick around. ♪ people keep asking me if that lady in the viva commercial is really my mother. they keep asking me if the dirty guy is really my son. huh -- what do you tell 'um? holy smokes, these viva towels really are tough, even when wet! [ mike ] for the record, that's my real father, cleaning up a real mess on a real grill. see? very impressive! you're a natural. oh that's much better... dad's got his tough mess, i've got mine.

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what were you looking for when you bought your edge? um, i was definitely looking for fuel economy. that's the whole reason we, we wanted to look at the ecoboost. can you talk a little bit about the style of the edge? um, well, i think it's very hip. i even have several guys were like "whoa, do have twenties on those". like, don't even know what that means, but i guess it's cool. (laugh) ♪ icy, cool flavor in a delicious 5-calorie stick of gum. ♪ polar ice. from extra. a lot of people don't get the chance to hang around me and see who i really am. i think people are getting the hang of me. most important to me is staying normal, and letting all this happen around me.... we do it... we do it big man....

♪ >> jimmy: tonight on the program, a very funny young woman you know from many shows, including this one tonight, kristen schaal is here. and then, one of i think the best musical guests we've ever had on this show. this is her new album called

"radio music society." grammy award winner esperanza spalding tonight, from the bud light stage. we've got a good line up for you next week, too. seann william scott, edie falco, jason biggs, christa miller, the latest castoff from "dancing with the stars," stand-up comedian amy schumer, and we'll have music from eli young band, needtobreathe, and lionel richie with billy currington. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in 1998 our first guest began his career in television hypnotizing our teenage girls as host of trl on mtv. now, he is host of "the voice," which, starting next week, airs monday and tuesday nights on nbc. and, you can see him every night after us on his long-running talk show "last call with carson daly." please say hello to carson daly. [cheers and applause ]

>> what's happening jimmy? >> jimmy: you host a morning show in l.a. every single morning starting at 5:30 a.m. >> yes. >> you host last call. you host "the voice." >> yes. >> jimmy: you're like the white ryan seacrest. are you exhausted? >> i should be so lucky. i'm happy to have the work actually. >> jimmy: i saw you at south by southwest. were you working there? >> i love it. we go every year. this year we went with last call and had our own show case and booked six of my favorite bands. >> jimmy: that's a lot of fun there. >> it's a great town. >> jimmy: we got some video i want to ask you about. this is you drumming here. >> i'm scared for my life here. >> jimmy: who are you with? >> this is the oc from san francisco. and they're great live. they said to me, we might call

you up, but probably just grab a tam bureen. when i went up there, the drummer handed me his sticks. i do not play drums. so i just took them and went for it. >> jimmy: it seemed like you were terrified. >> i was trying to stay in time. >> jimmy: you almost did. you almost did stay in time. >> rolling stone the next day actually wrote, it wasn't that bad actually. >> jimmy: really? >> awesome review. >> jimmy: i've known you since you were 12. i had no idea you played drums? >> i don't. when i was 15, i bought a drum set. i told my parents i wanted a drum set. they said, get a job. i got a paper route. got the drums, played for like a year. bought it for $400. said i'm done with this thing. my father lit up. he said you'll sell it for $500,

and make a profit. so i sold the drums and my father's thrilled. >> jimmy: what a great economic lesson. >> buy low, sell high. he was very happy. >> jimmy: i wanted to show you this. i don't think you've seen this in a while. you used to baby sit my daughter. >> i did. >> jimmy: and there you are. >> where did you find that? >> jimmy: in my photographs. [ laughter ] >> i think i'm passed out, though. >> jimmy: well, you're both passed out. you were both hitting the bottle pretty hard back in those days. >> that's a long time ago. we used to babysit katie together. >> jimmy: now it doesn't count as babysitting when it's your child. you were babysitting. i was just being her further. >> no, you were not. then where are you in this

scenario? >> jimmy: i'm taking the picture. >> you were cooking meat and makingling weany with clams. >> jimmy: for people who don't know, we worked together. i met you when you were 12 years old. then how old were you when you were my intern? >> i was 18. newly out of college, trying to play golf. >> jimmy: think you were in college, actually. i told you to drop out of college. >> i did. >> jimmy: tell everyone what your major was. >> golf. he always gives me crap about this. >> jimmy: who majors in golf? >> me! >> sure they do. golf professionals all over the place. >> jimmy: even golfers don't major in golf. >> do basketball players major in basketball? no they don't. may make up a fake major. >> what's it matter? you made me quit college.

>> jimmy: but it worked out okay. turns out i was right. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and all of my teachings were right for you. >> working for jimmy when i was 18 was terrifying. i would wake up every day and go to the radio station and i would walk in at 5:00 a.m., and he would be hovering like a psychopath over usa today, meticulously cutting out articles. he look over at me and say, kid carson, you're out on the street today. i want you in a cowboy hat and a diaper, go. and literally, whatever he said, i would do. to this day, you're the skipper, to my gilligan, but i'm still terrified to be in your presence. >> jimmy: that shouldn't be the case. >> if he asked me to get him coffee right now, i would leave. i'm always in fear. he kicked out a roommate i had, literally, because he thought it would be good radio. >> jimmy: no, that's not why i

kicked him out. >> what do you mean? >> jimmy: because he was living with you and you wouldn't kick him out. so i had to kick him out of your house. >> he became my roommate. he made me go to an albert son's once with my mother to apologize to the store manager they didn't even steal. >> jimmy: you did steal it. don't say you didn't. >> he was obsessed with madonna, i had to stand in line to get the madonna sex book like all night. [ laughter ] >> how much time do we have? i'm just warming up. >> jimmy: let's take a break here. >> no! one time. called my mom about playboy magazines that never existed. he used to talk about mast ur bation. you want to take a break now? >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: carson daly! "the voice" airs mondays at 8:00 p.m. and tuesdays at 9:00 on nbc. more with carson daly when we come back.

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. >> jimmy: and we're back. >> during the break, we continued to fight. >> jimmy: what i'm saying, if you go to albert son's and eat a roll out of the bin and then do not pay for the roll, that's stealing. >> if you go to get frozen

yogurt and you buy the frozen yogurt, but opt not to have a care on the chip, that's not stealing. >> jimmy: if you didn't pay for the frozen yogurt at all in the first place. >> but who bought the food in the first place. >> jimmy: i bought the food. it's the thought that counts and i'm glad i sent you back there to apologize with your mommy and to pay back the 25 cents for the roll. how are things on "the voice"? >> very good. >> jimmy: it's a great show. >> it's a blast. >> jimmy: is it really fun? >> it really is. >> jimmy: there's one thing i see that you have to do that i do not envy. >> when you're in the room with the family watching the person perform because ryan seacrest is smarter than you. he stands outside the door. you're stuck in a room with the family watching it on tv.

when it goes badly, what happens? >> well, it's a lot of spin. first of all, it can be great to be there with a family who's loved one is having this incredible moment on national tv. or if a chair doesn't turn, it's me just like under my breath going, it's just a tv show. like, i could push this wall over. none of this is really. she's so talented. then i put them on my show at 2:00 a.m. it's really tough. >> jimmy: i would think so. >> i take it seriously because i want them to have a good experience. i'm more emp thetic to our contestants more than i am to the coaches really. >> jimmy: because you're there and it's really, really for you. these people, they have a lot riding on it. >> one guy didn't make it and he was having issues with his father. and his father muddled under his breath, they didn't want him. >> jimmy: really?

>> that's -- what do you do then? >> jimmy: i don't know. i guess you have to find a new family. [ laughter ] >> and then he comes in the room. if you see me in that room, i'm either running away from parents or catching them. >> jimmy: you should get out of that room. pass that off to somebody else. >> give me seacrest's number. >> jimmy: you also were working on another show, which i find hard to believe. >> there's been good opportunity with "the voice" at nbc and there's been room for other shows for me to host. >> jimmy: we have a promo here which has not been seen before. >> you're the first. >> jimmy: let's take a look at carson's new show. >> if you love "the voice," get ready for a new show. that costs much less. >> it's carson, you know what to do. [ beep ] ♪ amazing grace >> message erased.

>> carson daly, the voice mail. >> mailbox full, call back later. >> you can stop turning now. hello. >> on nbc. [ applause ] >> you should call me and leave a message. >> jimmy: always a pleasure. we'll be right back with kristen schaal. [ male announcer ] cookies

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whatcah, these new jeans i want. i've been looking everywhere. new blue jeans? oh, don't be crazy, ve got tons of blue jeans. frank! frank! get my jean bin, susie wants my jeans. no she doesn't. here we go. nice and loose. ohhh. those are loose, but i actually just ordered three pairs of this kind. ooooohhhh. oh. when it's on your mind, it's on ebay.

>> jimmy: our next guest is a funny person from -- you can hear her voice on bob's burger's

please say hello to kristen schaal. >> jimmy: it's good to have you here. >> it's great to be here. >> jimmy: for those who don't know, you're also a stand-up comedienne. >> yes, i do. every monday night a hack it in brooklyn. death by rivers of floot foot. >> jimmy: you're still nervous? >> i'm experimental with my stand-up comedy. i like to do crazy things. like i embody the oldest joke ever told which is the whoopi cushion. and i just become the whoopi cushion on stage and just talk about how i'm all washed up and fart after one after another. if they're good i'll give them a poop joke they can't forget. >> jimmy: when you say you

embody the whoopi cushion, do you transform physically? >> well, i have a whoopi cushion costume and then i wear a mustache. basically he's upset because in the '30s, he was so cutting edge. he was magnificent. back then you couldn't say the word fart, let alone do it. these days people are doing it in public left and right. nobody thinks it's funny anymore. he used to have sellout stadiums, and now he can't get a gig. it's not funny, but i can't stop doing it. >> jimmy: do you travel with the whoopi cushion kos pum? >> i do. i've done it in melbourne, edinburgh, and london, and the united states of america. >> jimmy: you wear it on the plane? >> no. i also do this mattress bit where i'm like a mattress that's been thrown out on the street,

and i have this giant foam mattress that i wear, where i talk about how much i could have been, and my dreams. [ laughter ] >> and that is tough because if you check it on jet blue or anybody, it's like 25 bucks. then you show up for a gig with five people and you're just not going to make your money back. >> jimmy: no, you won't. you have to buy a mattress in every city and that's not going to be economical. i think gallagher and carrot top have a 16 wheeler that they travel with. >> they're very successful, i know. >> jimmy: and you also made a move we jean-claude van damme. >> yes. >> jimmy: it seems to me that one of you will be put of place in this film. >> for me, i think it's inevitable that hollywood should come to its senses and match us up, for real. it's a comedy.

it's jean claud van damme's first comedy. it's called welcome to the jungle, until he gets sued by aero-smith or -- >> jimmy: guns and roses are the ones to watch out for. >> jimmy: is it starring jean-claude van damme? >> yes. he's the star. he's never done a comedy before. so he was nervous. he'd show up to set and start stretching and doing these power moves. i couldn't figure it out. i realize it's like oh, you do -- you're an action hero. so when you come to a set, they're like there's going to be like a couple guys trying to kill you. then you're going to be hit by a car. but this on set it's like, okay, you sit in that wheelbarrow for a while. >> jimmy: did you get to spend any time -- do you call him claud? >> behind his back.

absolutely i did. oh, yeah, he was fun. after like we sat on the beaches in puerto rico, we were all gathered around ready to listen to jean-claude tell his tells of blood sport and time cop and i don't know, just being awesome all the time in the '80s and stuff. one of the actors, robert peters was like, what can you tell us about the belgian waffle? and we were so pissed. we're like, are you kidding me? we have a finite amount of time to get stories out of jcvd, and you're wasting it with a belgian waffle! >> jimmy: did he have an answer for that question? >> yeah, he did. and it was poetic and beautiful. yeah, he was like, oh, in our country, we take the bread so seriously. the squares are like the rivets in our rivers, and the golden

sunsets of belgium are by they're yellow. so i was like, actually that's a pretty good question, robert. i'm glad you asked that. >> jimmy: so it turns out robert was right. do you stay in touch with jean-claude van damme? >> no. >> jimmy: you guys didn't exchange numbers? >> no. i'm like okay bye. i only do a few scenes here and there, a couple days of work. but i'm so charming that a lot of stars can't help but give me their numbers. so john c. riley gave me his number. and nothing happened. it's like i'm not going to call you. you're too shy. he did text me on thanksgiving once. he was like happy thanksgiving, and i was like, score! i have lots of numbers on my phone. >> jimmy: oh, you have your

phone here. >> to show off. they said i could name-drop like crazy. because it's like hollywood, you like know everybody from childhood and stuff. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who do you have in there? >> i have paul rudd, which is pretty awesome. he's good. but i'll never call him. jason schwartz gave me his number. i'm like you're sweet, but i told him to his face, i will never call you. >> jimmy: i feel like we're trading baseball cards here. who else do you have? >> i have janine gar af low. not bad. i got david croft. this is the one that is a mystery. i have r.b. on my phone. so i just have the initials. i think what happened is i got -- i hope i got like a famous person to give me their

phone number and i was trying to protect them by just putting their initials. so if i lost the phone, i wouldn't want someone to prank call them. >> jimmy: so you don't know who it is? >> i don't remember. >> jimmy: call it. >> it could be a famous person or it could be a dude. >> jimmy: you don't have to put them on the air. just call them. what's the area code? >> it's 310. >> jimmy: it being be robert blake in prison. >> yeah, we'll get some answers. it couldn't be rosy bard or richard bellser. >> jimmy: could it be ray bulger from wizard of oz? >> maybe. >> jimmy: dial it. while you call it, i will mention your show is called "bob's burgers," and it's on fox

sundays at 8:30. >> it's ringing. >> jimmy: what are you going to say? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: first say who is this? >> i will demand who he is first or she. >> jimmy: maybe it's rachel bilson. do you know her? >> no. i wish. i would not protect her. calls forwarded to voice message. >> jimmy: does it say? >> oh, my god. it's just gave me the number and said it's not available. >> jimmy: it's the arby's roast beef franchise down the street, isn't it? >> what a bummer. should we leave a message? >> jimmy: yeah, leave a message. >> this is kristen schaal. >> jimmy: and this is jimmy kimmel. >> we don't know who you are, so call me back, r.b. >> jimmy: we'll be right back

approximate esperanza spalding.

>> jimmy: this is her new album, it's called "radio music society." here with the song "black gold," esperanza spalding!

♪ hold your head as high as you can high enough to see who you are little man ♪ ♪ life sometimes is cold and cruel maybe no one else will tell you so remember that ♪ ♪ you are black gold -- black gold you are black gold ♪ ♪ now maybe no one else has ever told you so ♪ ♪ that you're golden baby you're black gold with a diamond soul ♪ ♪ but of all the strength you have in you from the blood you carry within you ♪ ♪ ancient men powerful men builders of civilization ♪

♪ there'll be folks hell bent on putting you down don't get burned don't get burned ♪ ♪ not necessarily everyone will know your worth ♪ think of all the strength you have in you from the blood you carry within you ♪ ♪ ancient men powerful men builders of civilization ♪ ♪ hold your head as high as you can high enough to see who you are little man ♪ ♪ life sometimes is cold and cruel maybe no one else will tell you so remember that ♪ ♪ you are black gold -- black gold you are

black -- gold ♪ ♪ ♪ think of all the strength you have in you from the blood you carry within you ♪ ♪ ancient men powerful men builders of civilization ♪ ♪ hold your head as high as you can high enough to see who you are little man ♪ life sometimes is cold and cruel maybe no one else will tell you so remember that ♪ ♪ you are black gold -- blacld