tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 10, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT
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>> just don't rip the wires out of the ceiling. thank you for watching abc news. we hope you check in with "good morning america," more on the obama interview. also online on abcnews.com. jimmy kimmel is next. see you tomorrow. up next on "jimmy kimmel live," steve harvey. >> what are you going get your rich wife for mother's day? >> birth control pills. we don't need no more damn kids. >> jimmy: i would like to you come back with a piece of food stuck to your head. ♪ [ male announcer ] for our families... our neighbors...
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i'm jim. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here on this beautiful evening in southern california. it was a big day for gay stuff today. a lot of gay things went on today. first, news, that north carolina voted to approve an ameantment that specifically defines marriage as a marriage between a man and a woman, which makes no sense because they let "dawson's creek" shoot there for years. and it was not a law in north carolina but they wanted it in a constitution to preserve the sankty of marriage. and president obama came out
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with approval of same-sex marriage. in an interview with robin roberts of abc, he said over the years, he has been going through an evolution on the issue. and which makes the opponents on the far right doubly angry. they don't believe in gay marriage or evolution. tomorrow, he happens to have a fund-raising dinner at george clooney's house. very interesting. i think they are getting married! it's been a tumultuous week for the president. they held a democratic primary in west virginia and yesterday, an unknown candidate got 41% of the vote. and not only was he unknown, he is in prison. he is serving in five for makes
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threats for the university of new mexico and also serving five years for that hair cut. keith jud can be the first president with a super mullet. i'm not sure how he launched the campaign from prison. he was able to pay the $2500 entry fee. how was he able to produce this campaign ad. >> he's not a washington insider or an ivy league grad, but he know what is it takes to trade a handful of cigarettes for a khoco taco. keith judd for president. >> jimmy: i think he might be my guy. [ applause ] meanwhile, another former
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democratic candidate for president, hillary clinton is making headlines now for none political reasons. she attended a number of public events without makeup on. which -- is that a big deal? i'm pretty sure colin powell went without makeup a lot. and rightly or wrongly, women are held to a different standard. here is the report. secretary clinton is back after a trip over the weekend. it's not her diplomacy. it's her make yum. >> the whole thing is blown out of proportion. >> jimmy: i'm not getting paid
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this sate it baa i use l'oreal. a court judge says that liking something on facebook is not considered free speech and not protected under the first amendment. reportedly, a she have sued his employee for liking something on the page of an opposes candidate. this is how it starts. first, they come for our likes and next they come for our pokes. the right to shoot someone for posting too many pictures of their cat taking naps. today by the way was national receptionist day. the day we honor the brave yids who get hit by on the fedex guy. started by the national r receptionist association.
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is everyone's desk is front desk? and who is the receptionist at the -- that must be the most decorated receptionist in the world. there is a celebrity in new york. katherine scalia. she is a strip intera hot dog vender. >> showing your cleavage is indecent exposure. prostitution is sex, a sexual sex. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. that is trust constitution. >> jimmy: it's good to see joey
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again. >> every sex test they gave me was negative. i have no herpes, i have no aids. i'm a mother of four kids. and yes, i show my cleavage. i think it's sexy. if pamela anderson can do it, so can i. >> jimmy: some how, she managed to ruin hot dogs and bay watch for me. fox 5 visited her in her home last night. >> i have two jobs. i sell hot dogs in the day and at night i do the stripping business. >> katherine says she has the proper permits for her hot dog business and printed cards for her stripping. she says she is having fun in life. >> i will be stripping for another 15 years. as long as this body is built the way it is.
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this is a mother of triplets here. i'm cut up. i'm stacked now. >> jimmy: in that case, with he will check back with you in 16 years, maybe 18 just to be safe. all this week we are celebrating mother's day and what better way than with that? we are celebrating with someone i think captures the spirit of the holiday. a man brimming with so much love and knowledge, it's bursting out of his pores. and i give you gary busey. >> without a mother, we couldn't have the american flag. i'm speaking of betsy ross. there's incredible women in the world, today, and still are. and they are getting stronger and stronger and god bless them all. and what do we do? we say happy mother's day forever. okay.
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that's just for this session on how to treat your mother with love. >> jimmy: all right, i -- get that man and hook intera hot dog. [ cheers and applause ] we have something fun planned for tonight using skype video chat. this is our first ever all family edition of the skype scavenger hunt. usually, we will pit strangers against each other. but tonight, they are all related. first, vie ynnavienna, virginia and andy. how you doing? >> great. >> jimmy: what is your plan for mother's day?
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>> i think we are going to take her out for an evening out to eat and do things with the kids. >> he didn't plan anything. >> jimmy: he didn't plan anything. now, are you prepared to crush members of your family? >> absolutely. we want to say hi real quick. >> jimmy: you got kids there. what is your name? >> angelina. >> >> jimmy: are you going to make your mother's breakfast on mother's day? >> yes. >> jimmy: what you are going to make her? >> it's a surprise. >> jimmy: she too is unprepared for the holiday. all right, we are going say hello i think to one of your cousins now from maryland, chico's cousin shawn is with us. hello, shawn. shawn what do you do for a living. >> i'm an attorney. >> jimmy: you look like a
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defendant. are you really -- you are really an attorney. >> i'm an attorney with a little swag. >> jimmy: all right. our third competitor tonight, chico's sister-in-law jackie. hello. are you an attorney as well? >> no, not at all. my husband is though. >> jimmy: he is? what do you do for work? >> i'm a molecular technician. >> jimmy: i have no idea what that means. >> i work the lab. >> jimmy: do you feel science will give you an edge? >> yeah, definitely. >> jimmy: this is amazing. you never have to see your family in person again thanks to technology. sths a scavenger hunt.
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i meat tell to you find something or do something. chico, you need to be fair. only one of you can play at a time, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: are you ready to play? all right. the first round, i want you to find something that starts with the letter "q." something that starts with the letter "q." they are thinking. okay, maybe a quail. the queen latifah lying around. a picture of queen latifah. what do you have? >> it's a quilted hat? >> jimmy: it's a quilted hat? >> a quilt. >> jimmy: you are a little late. jacky, come back. you also have a quilt. >> i got a quilt. >> jimmy: you have a three-quilt family. that round goes to chico.
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let's go to the next one. i would like to you come back with a piece of food stuck to your head and the funniest one wins. all right a piece of food. jacky, what is that on your head? >> spaghetti. >> jimmy: all right. shawn -- shawn, what do you have on your head? potato chip? and chico, you have -- >> pizza. >> jimmy: it's a slice of pizza. i'm going to go to jackie. i think the spaghetti. she had one strand of spaghetti. and the next thing, i want you to come back with something the other contestants -- something
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the other members of your family would not want you to show. okay? oh, boy, amy -- i think that is bad news for jackie. amy shot out her chair like a rocket. what do you have? >> a social security card. >> jimmy: your own? amy, hold that closer to the camera. this is a very embarrassing family pic. >> jimmy: where is jackie? jackie what do you have? a dog? what kind of a thing -- >> he put on a lot of weight. >> jimmy: and there is a child that appear. i have to give it to shawn. shawn showed his social security card. the victim of identity theft.
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all right, i would like to you come back wearing the most embarrassing clothing you own. i will judge which is the most embarrassing -- shawn went so fast, he is in chico and amy's living room now. parachute pants. celine dion concert t-shirt. oh, what is that you are wearing, shawn? that is -- whose robe is that? >> my roommate. >> jimmy: is your roommate prince? >> not quite. >> jimmy: all right, amy what you are pearing? >> i have a santa hat, and a bikini. >> jimmy: and jackie has -- there is jackie. let's see what she is wearing. what are you wearing?
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jackie, did you lose track of -- you got -- >> it's my robe. >> jimmy: it's your robe. i'm going to have to say, shawn and wearing the most embarrassing article of clothing. shawn, you are the winner tonight. you are the fastest, the smartest, and by the way, no one is going away empty handed. you are all winners. each of you is going to receive a skype enabled television set. dicky, tell them more. >> dicky: keep in touch with mom on skype. whether they are on their computer, mobile phone or mobile tv. find out more on skype.com. >> jimmy: thanks, we have a good showed. dev pat sel here and music from gren frey and we have steve harvey. so stick around.
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tonight on the show, a delightful actor, you know him from "slumdog millionaire," dev pat sel here. and music from glenn frey, from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, on the show, dr. phil will be here tomorrow night. carrie underwood will be here. we will debut a duet, we have looking to do it for years. our first guest is a busy man who hosts a radio show every morning and just produced a hit movie based on his best-selling book. "think like a man" is in theaters and it's now available
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in paper back. that is the back of the paper back. please say hello to steve har y harvey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> no is nice, man. you all give out mints at the back before you come out. >> jimmy: mint, yeah. >> i never had ginger altoids before. >> jimmy: they are keeper, so we stock up on those. >> they taste they gorilla urine. thank you so much, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: we like to poison the guests before they come on stage.
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i have behind been here in a while. i have been on your radio show a couple times. you have no hat on. the tie matching -- >> i was 49 then. i am 55 now jx six years ago. >> on my 49th christmas, christmas eve, i shave mid hair and lost weight and stopped wearing limp suits. i my wife actually did it. i went out on a weekend trip and i said, any of my suits you don't like when i'm gone, just take the sleeve and fold them back. and all my sleeves were folding back. i just found out my wife hated everything i wore. i had to get rid of all my suits. >> jimmy: she was not a fan of the steve harvey collection. >> well, the collection has changed now. i just grew up a bit. i got tired of me. >> jimmy: i hear you have a line
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of women's clothing. >> it comes out july 15th. >> jimmy: do you know about women's clothing and what they should wear? >> no, i don't know a thing. no. i don't know anything about what women should wear. but what i do know is what men like to see women wear. that's the deal, huh? huh? yeah. [ cheers and applause ] women will be looking really good, really well. >> jimmy: will your wife be wearing any of this clothing? >> no, my wife is rich. >> jimmy: what you are going to get your rich wife fehr mother's day? do you have a plan? >> i think we are just going to chew birth control pills. we don't need no more damn kids. >> jimmy: how many do you have
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now? >> seven. she is planning an anniversary trip, i had to get involved. and for christmas, we go to aspen. and there are eight black people in aspen. and we are all eight of them. and it's a funny thing. i try to get into the snow thing. i'm snowboarding. i have two sons in college and they snowboard. i'm doing okay as long as we are doing the leaf, you go down the hill and go this way and this way. and my son, they are doing this "s" turn, when you turn your back to the hill. they are like, dad, try it and i said okay, i'm going too fast and i caught an edge. i was in the air for so long, i
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actually had time to say damn this is going to hurt. and it's really going to hurt. i had that kind of time. you before in the air that long and you figure out, what is the best way to do this? and i hit the ground harder than i had before. and my son -- he slammed on the break and now, all i wanted was to get the snowboard off. i'm done. and i click it off. and nobody is paying attention. but we are all standing there. and the snowboard is loose. it's going down the hill. we are black and trying to act like it's not us. but -- this board is rolling down the hill. and, you know, kill a couple white kids. i didn't really -- and people are like, who did that? and we are at the bottom of the
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hill playing it off. and one of my sons brought his friend with him. and i'm looking for the boy. i can't find him. a beautiful young kid, a rich chocolate skin and he wore all block on the ski trip. we looked up on the hill, he looked like a cave opening. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so it turned out to be a wise move for him to dress like that. you were able to find him. >> you do jokes like that, it's okay. >> jimmy: you live in atlanta now. are you moving to chicago? i know you are doing a daytime talk show? >> i have a talk show coming out. >> jimmy: when is that starting? >> september. >> jimmy: will you be in oprah's studio in chicago? >> no, no. not that big of a show. you know, it's on nbc. oos going to be schoocool.
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we are going to be at the nbc studios. we are going to move. my wife just went out there to move. she is not looking for a nice stay. we have that. she is looking for department stores. >> jimmy: shopping spots. >> it's all about where she is going to spend the rest of the money. >> jimmy: i see. you just had a big wind fall, i imagine, with this book and the huge success of the movie. i mean, this book -- how long is -- how long was this book on the best seller list? >> 60 some weeks. i got to tell you the truth, man, when i wrote the book, my goal was i wanted the book to be number 7 on the best seller list. that way, it's three up from the bottom. you don't have to say i barely made it. and i came out number one.
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and i said if, i hold it three weeks, i have the number one book in the country. and i stayed there for 40 weeks. >> jimmy: did you want it -- >> i had no clue. and people ask me, you turned your back into a movie. i had no clue. you know, it's a self-help book. i'm at my book and sony offers to buy the book to turn it into a movie. and i said, i'm not coming out there to talk to you about that. and they flew to my ranch in dallas. and i was fishing, i don't care. i didn't care for the guy and i'm fishing and he's going, i will give you this much. and he said, no, i don't think you can turn a self-help book
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into a movie. and i found out this was making him go higher, i said, the book ain't for sale. >> jimmy: steve harvey is here, his book is in paper book now. we'll be right back. ugh! all work and no food is making lorenzo very snippy. oh! seriously?! ♪ [ male announcer ] hunger getting to you? oh... [ male announcer ] grab a ritz crackerfuls. made with real peanut butter and whole grain. mmmm [ male announcer ] get hunger before it gets you.
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>> jimmy: we're back. with steve harvey. we're just talking in the commercials about family feud. you are having a lot of fun with that show. >> man, that is the best gig i have ever taken. >> jimmy: is it really? >> yeah, i got to talk with every day people. >> jimmy: and their mothers and sisters. >> and grandmothers. and those people get on that show and say whatever is on their minds. they are trying to win 20 grand. they don't give a damn about
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their church or nothing. >> jimmy: you a talk show, the game show, you do a radio show. you are still going stand-up? >> yeah, but that is my last year. >> jimmy: this is your farewell tour? >> yeah, august 2nd is my last night. in las vegas at the mgm grand. you know, man, you got to make room in your life. god has been really good to me. you know what i'm saying? i have been stand-up half my life. i'm 55. i have been doing it 27 years. the show is vegas is sold out, 12,000 seats gone. but pay per view, august 2nd, you can see your boy in the comfort of your home. 1999. and let me tell you, folks, nobody sees me for $19.
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you can watch me, urinate, eat a ham sandwich, that is a great way to see me. almost naked. >> jimmy: be you miss doing stand-up in i feel this is really going to be your last time. >> yeah, i miss it. yeah, it's defined me. it's been everything i have been. none of these books, movie, none of it happens without that god-given gift b you i can't tour and do all these things. i have a radio show, you can be funny. you have me on every six year, i will be funny. i will squeeze in a couple things here and there. >> jimmy: i know you have a charity thing that you do on your ranch, is it every year? >> yeah, every father's day
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weekend, i have boys that are fatherless, and i hook them up. >> jimmy: what do you mean when you say hook them up? it's take an weird turn. >> that did not sound very good. >> jimmy: the neverland ranch -- >> not that. i pair them up. as mentors. this is not going right. this is live. we can't cut into that. >> jimmy: that is a lot of people to have at your ranch. >> we have sponsors but we always have help. it takes things to pull it off. but we got change the course of a lot of african-american boys. they are college-aged african-american boip there are more in prison than in college. and ha is a huge disparity. a huge gap. and it's only because of lack of fathers.
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only lack of men role models. because only a man can teach a boy to be a man. you go to the put men in the boys' lives. >> jimmy: that is a great thing to do. [ applause ] great to see you. i hope it's not another six years before you come back. >> i'm going to come back again. this is fun. >> jimmy: steve harvey "and act like a man, think like a lady" is the book. and i will be right back with dev patel. [ female announcer ] hey, head & shoulders users...
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"marigold hotel." please welcome dev patel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how you doing? >> good, great to be here. >> jimmy: you really blossomed into a grown man. >> i have trying to -- it's not filling in. >> jimmy: you look older. >> this is four weeks of growth. it really is. >> jimmy: don't even bother. every day you have to shave, it's not fun at all. >> i guess. >> jimmy: the last time you were here, as i recall, you revealed your hotel. >> i thought i was going to get way from that. i gave away my room number, the hotel i was staying in, yeah. i was fresh off the boat. yeah. >> jimmy: would you like to do that again? >> okay, i'm in --
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>> jimmy: you are in a hotel now? >> no, i have a local tv show on hbo. >> jimmy: what show? >> it's called "the newsroom." it's aaron sorkin's new show. >> jimmy: that is cool. >> yeah, i play the geeky technological good. and i have a blackberry and i had it three years and i just figured out how to use the e-mail on it. i might as well be on "house." because it sounds like medical jargon. it's a new show and we are talking about politics and america and things like that and newt gingrich or whoever it is -- >> jimmy: you don't know who the people are -- >> it's the best acting i have ever done. >> jimmy: your girlfriend, i hope is okay to say, your former
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co-star in "slumdog millionaire" freda pinto was here. [ applause ] >> i get a clap? >> jimmy: she mentioned you were a terrible driver. are you driving? >> no, when i first came down. i am from the uk, that the accent. and i said to my agent, i need a car. i need to drive to work. and my agent got me a camero. we don't have that in the uk. it's like a big boat of a thing. it's a convertible. it's red and stribed seats. it looks angry. it's not good for a skinny indian guy. and i rented this apartment that had no furniture, and i went to ikea. and i have the tables and stuff sticking out of this camero, i
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can't control. >> jimmy: you are a licensed driver here? >> yeah, listen, i have not doing anything illegal i hope. i have a uk license. >> jimmy: you do? >> i hope that is fine. it's international, right? i'm okay to be driving. >> jimmy: i think you can drive if you are visiting. >> i'm going to go behind -- >> jimmy: i don't know. technically, you are living here now? >> kind of. i'm not properly living here. tis like a vacation but i'm working. >> jimmy: so you are probably do time here. you have been to american prison? >> no, i have not. i hope not. >> jimmy: i hope you don't end up there. in the new movie, you ride a motorcycle, right? >> that is another bad transports story. and i was like, this is great
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mism going to look cool finally. and it's weird, because some of it is shot in the uk. and in the uk, it takes a week before you sit on a motorcycle. they are showing you where the put the fuel and all that stuff. and i only had the day. and when i got to india, it's like, okay, that's right. and they had two sir kis performers and i got thrown on the sbik they are going wheelies and standing on it. and i picked it up, in the end. and it's a massive scene, in the movie, i'm doing this -- dame judy bench, tom wilkerson, amazes actors and i have to come in the courtroom with my chick on the back and i do an emotional speech. and i got a bit too confident. i drove in and fell over. and she was fun. she fell on her bum and bounced back up.
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but the bike landed on me and judi dench is going, ah! >> jimmy: you almost killed judi dench. >> i was like a girl, i screamed on camera like a girl. ah. >> jimmy: did anyone get hurt? >> i had a scrape. we had an indian doctor on set and he was always at craft services. he is the greatest guy. i have forgotten his name. and i slashed my name when it happened. fox is going to kill me. and we couldn't find him. and i ran to craft services and i know where he is going to be. he is eating and i'm like, i think i need a tetanus shot. and he is like -- tennis? and he is the worst doctor ever and that eening, he gave me a
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jab in my bum. >> jimmy: you have to be very careful. don't go to north carolina. >> i'm going it again. >> jimmy: greet see you. i'm glad everything is going well for you. dev patel. his movie is called "the best gottic marigold hotel" out now. we'll be right back with glenn frey. ♪ strea-ea-ea-ea-eam ♪ stream, stream, stream... ♪ strea-ea-ea-ea-eam ♪ stream, stream, stream... ♪ when i want you... ♪ ...in my arms... ♪ when i want you...
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>>. >> jimmy: this is his new album. it's called "after hours." here with the song "the shadow of your smile," glenn frey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ now i'll remember many a day and many a lonely mile ♪ ♪ the echo of a piper's song the shadow of a smile ♪ ♪ the shadow of your smile when you are gone
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