version of the dream act until after the election. thanks for david muir. thank you for watching abc news. tune in tomorrow for "good morning america". jimmy kimmel is next. tonight on kim? kimmel game night -- >> the hot shot. >> joel mchale. >> hey, i'm going to kill you. >> jimmy tests the kids. do you hate puppies? >> yeah. do you hate puppies? >> ye[ male announcer ] this was how my day began. got my bearis. ♪ a little bird told me about a band. ♪ an old man shared some fish stories. ♪ ooh, my turn. ♪

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live! game night," presented by skype, with david spade and nba stars jeremy lin and roy hibbert. and now here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello, and welcome. i'm jimmy kimmel. no, you did not go unconscious and wake up after midnight. tonight we are in primetime, for the first of what could be up to seven "game night" specials. but let's hope not because i am very lazy. if you're watching from the eastern half of the country, the game is about to start. if you're watching in the west, it's over. if you're in central or mountain time, i think they're showing a rerun of "george lopez" right now, so, hola. after a season that looked like

it might not happen at all, the nba finals are upon us again tonight -- game one between the miami heat and the oklahoma city thunder, from chesapeake energy arena. here's an interesting tidbit -- this is the first nba finals series ever played between two teams with no "s" at the end of their names. usually it's the lakers, celtics, mavericks, pacers, spurs. it's plural. but this one is the heat and the thunder, or, as your dad will say it, the heats and the thunders. the first no-"s" finals in nba history. no "s," really. so, that's exciting. i always dreamed that this day would come. the heat are led by three-time mvp lebron james. the thunder have three-time scoring champion kevin durant. two warriors, but only one will walk away with a ring, unless they get gay-married, in which case they can share, at least. this is gonna be an interesting series. did you know there's a three-pointer now? you get an extra point if you're far enough back. one of the best things about the nba is a lot of the players are on twitter. nba players tweet more than athletes from any other sport.

that's a fact i made up this afternoon. [ laughter ] at the end of the season, some of them wind up with more tweets than points. so, i was gonna read some of my favorites tonight, but then i had an even better idea. why read them when we can get a children's choir in here to sing them for us? and with that said, here now, with a tweet from kevin durant of the oklahoma city thunder, the "jimmy kimmel live!" children's choir. take it away, kids. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we got company coming over ♪ would you kill you to put some pants on ♪ >> jimmy: no, i don't think it would. [ cheers and applause ] that seems like a request that shouldn't have to be made via tweet, doesn't it? the heat beat the celtics in game seven on saturday to earn their spot in the finals after the game. an emotional lebron james had an intimate chat with celtics coach doc rivers. it was noisy on the court, but they were able to use one of those microphones that looks like a ray gun. and if you listen closely, you can make most of what they're saying out.

>> i have to say, coach, you smell reallyood to me, really good. may i ask -- what is that fragrance? >> fancy nights by jessica simpson. >> fancy nights? that's delightful. >> jimmy: that was a nice plug for jessica simpson and fancy nights. [ applause ] would you like to hear another song from the "jimmy kimmel live!" children's choir? [ cheers and applause ] this is -- here's a tweet from dirk nowitzki of the dallas mavericks. ♪ it's as cold in the big "d" as it is in germany ♪ ♪ what the heck is going on ♪ been up since 5:00 ♪ jet lag is a beast workout time let's get it ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this covers a lot of ground in 140 characters. you know, there have been so many amazing moments in the history of the nba. we felt this would be a good time to showcase some of those moments.

the first -- one of the most unbelievable plays in the history of basketball. during the 1987 eastern conference finals, the celtics were playing the pistons. larry bird stole an inbound pass, threw it to dennis johnson, who made a last-second, game-winning shot. in a lot of ways, this play changed the game forever, but see if you notice some of the celebrities in the crowd at the end of this clip. >> here's a disparity in the call. they're gonna give the ball to detroit. bird steals it! johnson! layup, boston, one second left! [ cheers and applause ] one second left, bird steals it and gives it to johnson at the buzzer. >> jimmy: that was -- [ applause ] they've been around for a long time. also a great moment in lip gloss. and one more thing -- considering how popular basketball is, it's surprising that there aren't more songs about it. you have that song by kurtis blow, "playing at basketball." you have, what, r. kelly's song from "space jam," which is kind of about basketball, and that's about it. so, tonight we invited one of the great athletes and one of the great singers of our

generation, mr. michael tyson, to come up with a song. and this is his tribute to lebron james of the miami heat. enjoy. ♪ ♪ whoo hoo hoo whoo ♪ lebron james whoo hoo hoo ♪ oh lebron james is great he makes cleveland irate ♪ ♪ he was born in ohio and that's where cleveland is ♪ ♪ ooh do you see the irony ♪ oh lebron, win a championship

it's all you have to do ♪ ♪ if only you stop choking at the finals you would be an indisputable success ♪ ♪ indisputable success indisputable ♪ ♪ oh lebron please win for me [ applause ] >> jimmy: comes from the heart. that's the most important -- thank you, mike. tonight on the show, david spade is here, and we'll be right back with jeremy lin versus roy hibbert in a special nba player edition of the skype scavenger hunt. stick around. ♪ ♪

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like the new n'awlins skillet, and more. starting at just $9.99. only at applebee's. [ applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm proud to be asian >> jimmy: well, me, too. [ cheers and applause ] that is a tweet from jeremy lin. welcome back. i'm metta world peace kimmel. tonight on the program, the always funny david spade is with us. tonight david is gonna take our three-point challenge out on hollywood boulevard. we're gonna give him one shot. if he makes it, everyone in the studio audience goes home with a valuable prize. he's not a big guy, but he's got a lot of spunk, so keep your fingers crossed. [ cheers and applause ] and then join us later tonight for a new show at our regular time, after "nightline." our guests will be martin short, cee lo green, and music from cee lo's band, goodie mob. so, join us then. from time to time, we play a game here on the show called the "skype scavenger hunt." we'll skype with people -- viewers of the show -- from their homes. and we'll have them race to find things that might be laying around the house. so, tonight we thought it would

be fun to play the game with a couple of nba players from their homes. and joining us now, from the indiana pacers, by way of jamaica, nba all-star roy hibbert is here with us. hello, roy. [ cheers and applause ] how are you, roy? >> i'm good. how are you? >> jimmy: you can hear me well? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: i heard you're taking this competition rather very seriously. >> oh, forget, you know, game one of the nba finals. this is the most important game of my life right here. >> jimmy: i like to hear that. i like to hear that. and you're opponent tonight may be the biggest basketball story of 2012 -- from the knicks of new york, jeremy lin. hello, jeremy. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello. how are you? >> jimmy: from his home in palo alto. how's your knee doing, jeremy? >> oh, it's good now. it's all good to go. >> jimmy: okay, good. you don't feel like it will affect you, physically, in this competition? >> no, i think i'm ready for the change of directions and stuff that the scavenger hunt requires. >> jimmy: excellent, thank you. right. you see? these guys are professional athletes. they're competitive, no matter what the sport, and it's time now to play an nba edition of

the "skype scavenger hunt." it's a simple game. it's a scavenger hunt. i'm gonna ask you to find an item. your job is to bring it back to the camera as quickly as you can. roy, jeremy, are you ready? all right. >> yep. >> jimmy: round one goes to the player that can bring back something they still have from high school. something you still have from high school. and there they go. [ chuckles ] and they're off to scour their homes to find some -- oh! roy, uno. that looks like a fresh pack to me. roy brought back uno. jeremy, what do you have? >> i just brought back a trophy from high school. >> jimmy: roy, is that pack of uno cards really from high school? >> yeah. >> yeah, can you verify that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is? it is from high school? i don't know if i believe that. no, roy is lying. we're gonna give that to jeremy,

so jeremy. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughs ] roy, i hope you don't get into any serious trouble because you would not stand up under questioning. [ laughter ] all right, you have another chance here. round two, the next challenge -- bring back a photograph of a white person. [ laughter ] roy is off to the races. oh, what does roy -- roy, hold that up to the camera so -- who are those people, roy? >> uh, my fiancee -- oop. that's her dad and my fiancee. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're getting married to an older man? [ laughter ] and let's see what jeremy has for us. jeremy, you hold up your picture. all right, there's some -- all right, well, roy, you are the winner of that round. we have an even competition here now, 1-1. jeremy, congratulate roy. he's marrying an old man. [ laughter ] >> congratulations. >> jimmy: all right, this is the tie breaker, your final challenge.

bring back the most expensive item you can carry. the most expensive of the items wins. all right. i always figure nba players must have -- [ laughs ] [ cheers and applause ] what's your dog's name, roy? >> nala. >> jimmy: what's his name? >> her name's nala, like "the lion king." >> jimmy: and what did she cost? >> uh, three gs. >> jimmy: okay, $3,000. [ laughs ] i'm guessing you're including shots and whatnot in there. i think -- and here comes jeremy. what does jeremy have for us? jeremy? ooh, it's a watch. how much was that watch, jeremy? >> uh, it was, uh -- [ chuckles ] $20. >> jimmy: all right. well, congratulations, roy. you are the winner. [ laughs ] roy hibbert is our winner. tell him what he wins, dicky.

>> dicky: jimmy, for his superior efforts, roy wins a copy of "keeping up with the kardashians," season three, on blu-ray. >> wow, what a great prize. thank you so much, fellas. best of luck next season. [ laughs ] that's roy hibbert and jeremy lin. thank you, fellas. we'll be right back with david spade. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live! game night" are brought to you by skype -- bringing people together whenever they are apart. for more information, go to skype.com. ♪

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[ music stops ] [ crunch ] you guys having a party? no. nope. okay. um. ♪ i can totally see you. yes, we know.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. our guest tonight is a very funny man who has escaped from the set of "grown ups 2," with chris rock and adam sandler, to be here with us tonight because he cares about you people. please say hello to david spade. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how's it going? >> ah! james, nice to see you. >> jimmy: thanks for coming. i know you're in the middle of shooting a movie right now. >> oh, it's crazy, jimmy. >> jimmy: with noted these tee shaquille o'neal, i understand, is in the film. >> shaquille o'neal is in the movie, and i don't -- i mean, everybody's tall to me, but he

is like ridiculous, you know? like, i did a scene with him. and, you know, it's like "stuart little." i sit in his hand, and he's like -- [ laughter ] he's playing rob schneider in this movie. >> jimmy: oh, he is? >> yeah, we're really gambling. it's like "avatar." i don't want to give it all away. >> jimmy: all right, well -- hey, you're shooting the movie in boston, right? >> oh, yeah, up there in "mahblehead." we're all over boston. we did it last time there. it's a lot of fun. we got to -- first day, chris rock and i got to go to a boston celtics game. >> jimmy: that's fun. >> one of the playoff games. we got invited somehow. we ran down late, you know, from the set. and we had courtside seats, which is great, but we're coming in, you know, late. >> jimmy: how late were you? >> end of third quarter. >> jimmy: that's late. >> and all we heard was, like "look at these hot shots! hey, l.a. hot shots, is this how you do it in l.a.? you come in the third quarter?" and i'm like, "hey, guys. hey, guys." "l.a. phonies!" "hey, how are you?" you know? then we sit down, and i'm -- chris rock's a little bit of an l.a. phony.

i keep it real. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> i'm doing fist bumps and making it rain and doing all that cool stuff. and they like that. and then we sit down there, right -- i mean, i can't believe how good they were 'cause we just sat right next to the game. and then the dude next to me -- we were starving from work, so i go, "dude," 'cause i'm such a [ bleep ]. i go, "hey, man, can you score us some food? do they have food down here?" he goes, "i think so." and i go, "can you kind of maybe go snag us some?" he goes, "well, i'the owner of the celtics." and i go, "oh, my god, aah. oh, so you're hooked up. so, maybe two cheeseburgers." like, i didn't even take a beat. i was like, "no, dude, we're starving." so, it wound up being good. but, you know, it's hard to root for them because everyone knows -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah, well, you're a phoenix suns fan, right? >> yeah, 'cause i grew up in scottsdale, so i like the suns. and then i moved to l.a., and then i'm kind of a fake fan there. no one believes it. and then i'm really fake fan in boston. and then rock's from -- he's, like, the knicks. so, it's fun, and people don't realize you just want to see a game. it's fun. but it wound up being a good time.

and then i got the food and then i'm like this and then the ball hit us, of course. and i'm like, "err." and rock -- rock's cool the whole time, in case this happens. and he gets the ball, and he's like spin on his finger, sends it back, and i'm like -- got corn dog falling out. >> jimmy: that's the food you got from the owner of the team. well, that was karma that hit you in the face, is what happened. hey, by the way, congratulations. i was a getting a mani-pedi and flipping through "star" magazine. >> "star" -- they nailed it finally. >> jimmy: you really -- i mean, you know, a lot of these magazines are insulting, but this one -- [ laughter ] that's you -- >> me and brad pitt, exactly. >> jimmy: -- and your brother, brad pitt. >> yeah. it's about time. [ applause ] >> jimmy: finally somebody recognized. >> it's funny because, obviously, brad's been in sort of a tailspin since that came out, but -- [ laughter ] they're sort of nice. they do manage to kick me in the balls a little bit. they're like, "eh, 'joe dirt,' and he's a crass comedian" and "poor brad" and those kind of things. but i was stoked about it. so, i'm happy. >> jimmy: of course. >> i know, a little bit, brad

pitt, tiny bit from the old days. and so -- it's funny 'cause he did "moneyball" when we were doing our show at sony. so, i was sort of scared to go talk to him 'cause i knew him a little bit. and it was weird 'cause like nine people thought i was shiloh, but -- just walking around the set. >> jimmy: right. >> they go, "oh, he's in there." i go, "no, no, i'm not with him. i'm over here." and so i finally go talk to him, and i get overly nervous. and i'm like, "bradley," you know, right away. like, it's kind of gross. and then i probably fist bump him and rain, and he doesn't like that. and then i -- so, i get overly cool. i'm like, "hey, man, how's, uh -- how's the fam? how's a-bomb doing?" [ laughter ] and he's like, "i'm sorry?" and i go, "a-train. she's cool, so -- ange? angie? nothing? angelina jolie, the woman you live with -- how is she?" and he's like, "oh, yeah, her. yeah, no, she doesn't remember you." >> jimmy: he responded well to that. >> yeah, he finally got. he's like, "oh --" >> jimmy: did you discuss this photograph with him? 'cause i got to tell you something, and i'm being honest here -- i think you actually look better than he does in this picture. >> oh, my god, yeah, jimmy.

>> jimmy: you really do because his hair's a little too long, and, i mean, you really look a little more sculpted there. >> that was so long -- i don't even know when that picture was, but that would take a 30-hour photo shoot to nail one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know you're doing some shows in las vegas in august, right? >> yeah, i still do the venetian, yeah. and once the movie's over, i'll go back. i like it because -- first of all, it's funny because everyone is married there, and some of them cheat -- oh! >> jimmy: in las vegas? >> yeah, i mean, it's supposed to stay there, but that kind of went away. but this table next to me is all dudes, all pre-cheating at dinner. and the funny thing is when the girls -- >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> well, they're about to. >> jimmy: oh, pre-cheating, okay. >> and when they get there, i hear them talking, and i go, "this is gonna go south." and then a girl comes up. and they're all married, but the way they say they're married -- like, if you're the girl. ask me. i'm the guy. so, just -- 'cause they get curious. the girls get a little fishy after awhile. >> jimmy: are you married? >> yeah. [ laughter ] and then i go like this. i go, "that wasn't a solid yes." and then the other guy -- here,

give me another one. >> jimmy: how about you? are you married? >> am i married? um, yes. yes, i am. [ laughter ] and then the last guy. >> jimmy: how about you? are you married? >> yes! >> jimmy: well, at least they're being honest about it. >> he doesn't even hide it, yeah. and then he goes, "babe, i tell everyone i'm married, babe. babe. i told those girls. they were being so weird. they were like talking. i was like -- oh, babe." >> jimmy: david, have you ever played basketball professionally? >> uh, yes and no. i -- [ laughter ] no, it's no and no. >> jimmy: no and no. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: how about, like, at the high school level or -- >> i play pop-a-shot at like houston's or dave & buster's. >> jimmy: that's good. okay. >> not good at that, but i will -- >> jimmy: oh, great. >> but i'm willing to lose everyone an xbox. >> jimmy: yeah, well, that's what we want from you tonight because we're gonna go outside, onto hollywood boulevard. >> if it was skateboarding -- >> jimmy: don't psych him out already because he's here for you. >> i'm here for you. [ cheers and applause ] ah! >> jimmy: that's the basket.

>> it looks far away. >> jimmy: when we come back, david spade will attempt our three-point challenge. we'll be right back. >> mm! [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] we imagined a vehicle

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're on hollywood boulevard with david spade. tonight his objective is to make a single three-point shot. if david is successful, everyone in our stutudio audience goes he with a fantastic prize. dicky, tell them again what they could win. >> dicky: it's an xbox 360 console, jimmy. xbox 360 is the only place to play the most anticipated game of the year, "halo 4." pre-order it from retailers, including the microsoft store. >> jimmy: however, david, if you do not make the shot, this audience gets nothing. they'll go home and tweet terrible things about you.

>> i hope they keep the balloons. >> jimmy: do the "spinning on your finger" thing. let's see that. david is pretty gifted with a basketball. >> we can try that. >> jimmy: that's not bad. that's not easy to do. >> i did that. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: it's time, the moment of truth. [ cheers and applause ] [ crowd ohhs ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! >> pretty close. >> jimmy: well, let's take a look at the instant replay, not that it'll be that interesting because you did miss it, but you came pretty close. you hit the outside of the rim. >> whoa! >> jimmy: unfortunately, the audience gets nothing, just like the "oprah" show. i want to thank david. i want to thank mike tyson. i want to apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. join us at our regular time after "nightline" tonight for a new show with martin short, cee lo green, and music from goodie mob. thank you, david. >> oh, sounds big. >> jimmy: now stay tuned for game one of the nba finals here on nbc. >> here we go! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live! game night," presented by skype. tonight, joel mchale. and jimmy talks to kids. and now here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. i'm here. hello, and welcome. i'm jimmy, with a special assignment tonight, our second nba "game night" special of 2012. tonight, game 2 of the nba finals between the miami heat and the oklahoma city thunder. as basketball fans know, game 2 provides a critical, much-needed bridge between games 1 and game 3 so -- [ laughter ] oklahoma city is hosting the finals for the first time. not only is this the greatest moment in the history of oklahoma professional sports. this is the only great moment in the history of oklahoma professional sports. the thunder did go to the finals three times back, when they were known as the seattle supersonics. they were moved and renamed the oklahoma city thunder in 2008.

the new owners were looking for a name that would bring to mind a women's indoor soccer team, and they did get it. there's a lot of excitement in okc right now, and understandably so. a local tattoo shop is giving out free thunder tattoos. i don't know. if i were getting a tattoo, i think i'd want to pay the full price, maybe throw a tip in there, too. not only are fans getting tattoos. they're getting special haircuts, too. this is from the local fox affiliate in oklahoma city. they invited a barber named scissorhands to shave the thunder logo into their floor director's head. >> good morning. we have scissorhands joining us. looking good! laugh >> thank you so much for being with us here. >> thank you. >> and this is a very special haircut, folks, because this is our floor director, anthony west. anthony, are you feeling okay? >> i'm doing great. >> he says he's feeling okay. >> you can't keep moving like that. >> i'm sorry. i'm sorry. take a look. this is our floor director anthony west. yeah, we have to give him a

quick round of applause for being a good sport. you like it? >> i like it. >> like it? all right. that's good. >> jimmy: typically, you expect more precision from a guy named scissorhands, but that'll grow out in five to eight months. we have some special entertainment for you tonight. you know, many of the best-known players in the nba are on twitter. some of them tweet a lot, and tonight we've put some of those best tweets to music. and here now, singing a tweet from jeff teague of the atlanta hawks, the "jimmy kimmel live!" children's choir. kids? [ cheers and applause ] [ mid-tempo piano music plays ] >> it's some bad face shawtys n nap woo [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i have no idea what that means, but... this is pretty funny. this is from a miami heat post-game press conference. lebron james and dwyane wade, for some reason, wore black horn-rimmed glasses. for millions of nerds, this is bittersweet. the very glasses that kept us from losing our virginity until well into college are now fashion statements for the nba. either that, or they're going to see "madagascar 3-d" after the

game. i don't know. not only did the glasses make them look different. it seemed to me it made them sound a little bit different, too. >> in this moment, could you just sort of sum up what these 12 months have been like? >> [ as woody allen ] well, i mean, it's been a journey. i mean, it's been a long ride, like you said. but we're happy. we've been able to, um, put ourselves into position and not take a -- a -- we didn't take any days off. >> jimmy: somebody's been in miami for too long. [ cheers and applause ] now, um, watching the nba finals makes me nostalgic for great moments of nba games past, and we'll be highlighting some of those moments over the next week. this happened during the 1965 eastern conference finals between the celtics and the 76ers. this is one of the craftiest moves in the history of the nba. john havlicek iced it for the celtics when he intercepted an inbound pass with five seconds left in the game. and pay attention to the crowd at the end of the clip 'cause you may recognize a familiar face or two or three. >> greer is putting the ball in play. he gets it out deep, and

havlicek steals it! over to sam jones! it's all over! it's all over! johnny havlicek is being mobbed by the fans! >> jimmy: they're texting in 1965. [ applause ] you guys want to hear the kids sing another tweet here? okay, all right, this is -- [ cheers and applause ] this is a tweet from one of our own here in los angeles, metta world peace of the los angeles lakers tweeting via the "jimmy kimmel live!" children's choir. [ mid-tempo piano music plays ] >> i did not grow up classy i grew up basically in a jungle somewhat caged in i still have people caged in hood mind frame [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. poetic. [ chuckles ] the hood mind frame. [ chuckles ] my favorite set of commentators probably in any sport is the crew from "inside the nba" on

tnt. charles barkley, shaquille o'neal, kenny smith -- they usually spend about a few minutes talking about the game and then the rest of the time, making fun of each other. one of the things they make fun of the most is charles barkley's weight. so, tonight we thought it would be amusing to take some audio from "inside the nba" and combine it with video from the cartoon "fat albert and the cosby kids." and as a result, we now have something that the whole family can enjoy. >> i was out there running suicides on the hill. >> are you serious? >> hey, siri, order charles barkley two boxes of krispy kreme. >> his big ass already ordered two boxes. [ laughter ] >> oh, please don't tease me. >> wait. wait. wait. siri, is that really true? >> most definitely. his big ass sure did. [ laughter ] >> oh! >> listen, y'all are [bleep] around here. [ laughter ] [ whimsical music plays ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's overweight. fat albert is the perfect nba broadcaster. one more item before we forge ahead -- for our game 1 show,

the very talented performer mike tyson was kind enough to come up with a song for us in tribute to lebron james of the miami heat. so, tonight, in the interest of equal time, mike has another song, and this one is dedicated to oklahoma city's top player, mr. kevin durant. so, it's time now, thunder fans, to sit back, relax, and turn the volume way, way down. [ rock music plays ] >> he's the one they call dr. shootgood ♪ ♪ he makes the thunder look terrible my boy kevin with the big wing-span plays down in okc 20-88 almost every night it's a crime he wasn't an mvp he's got a 24-karat smile that all the girls can enjoy then he run off the court and kiss his mama like a sissy boy ♪

♪ he's the one they call dr. shootgood ♪ yeah he drives to the hoop, impregnable yeah, give it to him he's the one they call dr. shootgood, yeah hey his glasses make him look like urkel he's the one they call dr. shootgoods ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nice. his war on the human ear will never end. tonight on the show, joel mchale is here, and when we come back, i'm gonna give a kid a lie-detector test, so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] [ thunk ] sweet!

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[ cheers and applause ] [ mid-tempo piano music plays ] >> no, the bus driver did not just stop the bus and use the bathroom ♪ >> jimmy: well, that's what professional bus drivers do. tonight on the program, a very funny man you know from the shows "community" and "the soup." starting june 29th, you can see him alongside mark wahlberg and mila kunis in the new comedy "ted." joel mchale is here. joel has agreed to take our 3-point challenge. [ cheers and applause ] we've set up a hoop out on hollywood boulevard, and if joel can sink a 3-point shot, everyone in our studio audience goes home with a valuable prize tonight. joel is tall, and he played high

school basketball, so i think he's got a pretty good shot at this. [ cheers and applause ] and make sure to join us later tonight, at our regular time after "nightline," with a new show with jada pinkett smith, matt kemp from the dodgers, and music from the temper trap. i believe that good sportsmanship and honesty are more important than just about anything when it comes to sports, so i took it upon myself to share that lesson with the next generation of professional athletes -- kids -- by hooking them up to a fake lie-detector and driving them crazy. and here's how that went. ♪ well, hello. how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: good. thank you for coming. i'm officer jimmy. this is the truth fairy. the truth fairy's gonna hook you up to a machine right now. do you know what a lie detector is? >> no. >> jimmy: a lie detector is a machine that can tell if you're lying or telling the truth. so you must always tell the truth, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. and now we're gonna put this on

your head, and we'll be all ready to go. >> wow. >> jimmy: that's right. he's got more gel than you, truth fairy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you gel your hair? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. all right, um, let's start with your name. what is your name? >> blake. >> jimmy: okay, very good. how old are you, blake? >> 7 years old. >> jimmy: 7 years old. what grade are you in? >> first grade. >> jimmy: do you like school? >> yeah. [ electricity zapping ] >> jimmy: do you like school? >> no. >> jimmy: no. why don't you like it? >> i'm bad at science. >> jimmy: you're bad at science? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't like science? >> no. >> jimmy: it's boring? >> yeah. >> jimmy: which courses do you like? >> math. >> jimmy: you like math? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. >> what's 8 + 8? >> 16. [ electricity zapping ] >> jimmy: 14. have you ever peed in a swimming pool? >> no.

[ electricity zapping ] >> jimmy: a little bit? hold on. let me ask the truth fairy. truth fairy, have you ever peed in a swimming pool? >> yes. >> jimmy: you? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. i think we all have. it's fun. >> it's great. >> jimmy: sometimes i stand up on the side and pee into the swimming pool. [ laughter ] >> it's a lot of fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you like better -- your mother or a puppy? >> my mother. >> jimmy: your mother? why? >> because she takes care of me. >> jimmy: and puppies don't. >> no. >> jimmy: puppies only care about themselves. >> yep. >> jimmy: puppies are very selfish. >> yep. >> jimmy: do you hate puppies? >> no. [ electricity zapping ] >> jimmy: do you hate puppies? >> yes. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: do you feel like i could get you to say anything with this machine? >> no. [ electricity zapping ] yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. who do you think is smarter -- your mom or dad? >> hmm...dad. >> jimmy: dad. why is dad smarter? >> he knows way more history. >> jimmy: he knows more history? does mom ever do dumb things? >> no. [ electricity zapping ] >> jimmy: does mom ever do dumb things? >> yes. >> jimmy: she does. what kinds of dumb things does she do? >> she says bad words. >> jimmy: oh, she says bad words. like, the really bad words? >> yeah. >> jimmy: whoa. do you ever say bad words? >> no. >> jimmy: sometimes? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: a little bit with your friends? what are some of your favorite bad words? >> [bleep] and stuff. >> jimmy: [ laughs ]

that's one of my favorites. i don't know if we can continue with this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, blake. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with joel mchale. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live! game night" are brought to you by skype -- bringing people together whenever they are apart. for more information, go to skype.com. with plug-in hybrids projected to take you over 100 mpge, innovative ecoboost engines - combining power and efficiency, and technology that opens doors for you

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but when it's this easy to use citibank mobile check deposit at home...why would he? ♪ woooo! [ male announcer ] citibank mobile check deposit. easier banking. every step of the way. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. while not technically a professional basketball player, our guest tonight is tall and looks great in a pair of shorts.

he has two shows on tv -- "the soup" and "community" -- and starting june 29th, you can see him opposite mark wahlberg, mila kunis, and a talking bear in the new movie "ted." please welcome joel mchale. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hi. >> jimmy: thank you for coming, and i'm particularly interested in your take on this nba playoff series because you're from seattle. you're a seattleite. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: and the oklahoma city thunder was in seattle as the supersonics, and they abandoned you. are you upset about that? what! no -- uh -- yeah, no, it is a little -- it's weird, but people in seattle were like, "how dare you do this, oklahoma?" but it wasn't like the owners had a gun to their head. that's who they should have been mad at 'cause they just sold the team and -- yeah, thanks, guys.

thanks a lot. no, but i really, truly am happy for -- >> jimmy: you are? >> i really am, yeah. it's great. >> jimmy: were you a big fan of the sonics growing up? >> huge, yes. >> jimmy: oh, you were. okay. >> and i was there for the big championship in '78-'79, jack sikma and -- >> jimmy: you were there at the game? >> i was playing, and... >> jimmy: wow. >> ...i was the only 6-year-old on the team. i was -- i sucked. no, uh, but they -- i love the team, and i used to go to the boys & girls club all the time, still do. and -- [ laughter ] just, you know, randomly i show up. no, but the sonics had this mascot that was really intimidating. it was called the wheedle. >> jimmy: the wheedle. >> none of you have heard of the wheedle becau-- now all mascot wear, you know, stretchy suits, and they jump on trampolines and dunk the ball. this one could barely move. this of like the philadelphia -- >> jimmy: oh, there's the wheedle. >> wow, that was quick. there it is. see? >> jimmy: it looks like a muskrat or something. >> that's like eight feet tall, and that head's about a five -- so, the wheedle came to the boys & girls club where i used to hang out, and for whatever reason, they thought -- oh, and

the other thing about the wheedle -- the wheedle had a huge tube coming -- like a pvc pipe that just drips saliva. really awesome, huge crazy eyes, and then they said, "we should all play tag." and we were running around with this poor man in there, and he proceeded to fall on me. and you know that moment when your head is being crushed and you think, "my head has almost reached the point where it will snap?" that is what -- when i felt the fur and the saliva dripping on me, i thought, "this is how i'm gonna die." >> jimmy: they call that the squashing point. >> right, the squashing point. so, after that, they lifted the wheedle off me to see if i was alive. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and then we continued the game, and it was very spirited because kids were running for their lives and -- >> jimmy: i would run from this thing, too. >> i mean, look at that thing. >> jimmy: it's not even cute. it just looks like a -- >> it looks like an obese, like, house mom who's grown hair. >> jimmy: and what's -- and what's going on in the wheedle's -- >> look how dreamy the eyes are, like, intimidating, intimidating, and then, like, "hi, i'm going to kill you.

this will be the last thing you see before my toxic spit, you know, drops -- >> jimmy: what's going in the wheedle's shorts there, too? there's something menacing happening. >> oh, if you pull those shorts down, huge, huge, huge [bleep] did you play -- >> i'm sorry. this is an 8:00 show. >> jimmy: did you play basketball? >> i did. i did. i played in high school. i played at mercer island high school in washington. >> jimmy: oh. >> and i -- >> jimmy: were you a good player? >> i was good to a point, and then i would just play dirty. and i'm not proud of it. i would just whisper very provocative sexual things to -- no, uh, but i had to abandoned my dirty ways because i one time -- you know when you're -- you know -- no, this guy was falling out of bounds. we were playing a game, and they throw the ball at you to bounce it off of you, so the ball goes out, and it's their ball. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a jerky move. >> yes, it's a jerky move. i caught the ball, and in my turnaround to pass the ball as my team broke, he feel down in a

total spread eagle. and i pivoted back and went like that so i could crush his balls. >> jimmy: oh, on purpose? >> on purpose, and i'm a horrible person. and then, of course, the coach showed us the game tape, and he's like, "watch mchale here." and -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> the whole -- i felt -- the whole guy's body -- he like fell out of bounds. he's like, "i'm out of the play." and then it was just this spasm of pain. and i felt terrible, but at the same time, i was like, "well, now it's 4-on-5." and, yeah, so, i promise, if we ever play, i will not stop on your balls. >> jimmy: well, thank you for not stepping on my testicles. i appreciate that. just in general, i should say that to people. now, you're in this movie, and this, by the way, is a very funny movie. >> you saw it? >> jimmy: yeah, i did see it. >> "oh, no, i totally saw it." >> jimmy: [ laughs ] >> "it's so good." >> jimmy: it's called "ted," and it is mark wahlberg and mila kunis. did you enjoy working with them? >> nope. they're bad. no, uh -- they're horrible people. no, uh -- yeah, my job was to

try and get together with mila kunis, so very difficult task. >> jimmy: in the movie, not in real life. >> not in real life. i'm married. and -- no, but mark wahlberg, who is a superstar -- we shot a scene -- the first night i met him, we shot this party scene. and seth macfarlane, who wrote and directed it -- the genius, seth macfarlane -- he was like, "just, you know, improvise." and i'm a horrible person in this movie. i step on people's balls everywhere. so, i was just like, "all right." so, i started making short jokes to mark wahlberg. it's the only advantage i have over him. [ laughter ] so, i'd be like, "frodo, how are you, man?" and i felt like -- "hey, squirt." and i was -- >> jimmy: we actually have that particular scene here. >> that's so great that made it in. >> jimmy: yeah, well, here it is. this movie's called "ted." it opens june 29th. i can't wait to see it. >> i'm really glad that you came. >> me too. >> yeah? >> is it okay if i kick your boss' ass? i mean, that won't affect your workplace chemistry, will it?

>> please play nice. >> for you, i will. >> thank you. >> anything. >> there she is. i was worried you weren't coming. heya, squirt. how you doing? where's your bunny rabbit? >> he's a bear. >> got it. [ high-pitched voice ] oh, my god, this house is huge. [ normal voice ] i know. try not to get lost. come on in. >> jimmy: that's joel mchale in "ted." joel, when we come back, we're gonna put your basketball balling skills to the test. >> i will not step on your balls. >> jimmy: all right, as joel takes a 3-point challenge on behalf of our audience. we'll be right back with joel mchale. [ cheers and applause ] [ up-tempo music playing ] ♪

[ music stops ] [ crunch ] you guys having a party? no. nope. okay. um. ♪ i can totally see you. yes, we know.