and join jimmy kimmel, next. up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> 2012 is also on track to be the hottest year in united states history. and not just because of magic mike, because of everything. >> kate beckinsale. >> i worked my way slowly towards his blow hole. >> chris harrison. and music from rubblebucket. >> being an adult boy scout is literally the only thing gayer >> being an adult boy scout is literally the only thing gayer than actually being

sfx: sounds of marchching band and crowd cheering sfx: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering so, i'm walking down the street, x: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering just you know walking, sfx: sounds of marching bandnd and crowowd cheering d i found myself in the middle of this paradeeet, x: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering honoring america's troops. sfx: sounds of marching bandnd and crowowd cheering which is actually in tquite fitting becauseadeeet, x: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering geico has been serving e military for over 75 years. aawh no, look, i know this is about the troops and not about me. right, but i don't look like that. who can i write a letter to about this? geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.

♪ >> hello mr. kimmel. i am a nerd. >> jimmy: yes, yes, i can see you have a nerd. you've got the grades for an ivy league scholarship. but i think you're missing out if you don't at least try for a dorm gourmand scholarship. >> a dumb moron scholarship? is. >> jimmy: no, no. dorm gourmand from target. they're giving away scholarships to all kinds of students. just click here, all right? on the website. answer a few questions into the web cam, and if you win, you'll get a microwave, a magic bullet blender, a george foreman grill and a year's supply of cereal. >> that's a lot of stuff! >> jimmy: are you ready to make a video? >> yes. >> i see you've applied for a target dorm gourmand scholarship.

let's begin. salsa is both a food and a dance. if the same were true of guacamole, show us what that dance would look like. >> jimmy: show them. >> but guacamole is not a dance. >> jimmy: that's the point. you have to show what it would look like if guacamole was a dance. >> oh. but it's not a dance. it's a dip. >> jimmy: i know it's a dip. you have to use your imagination. and show the computer what it would look like if it was a dance. >> you're trying to make me take off my clothes. >> jimmy: no, i'm not. i'm asking you to dance like guacamole. >> whatever, dumbass. >> dicky: target has all the stuff you need to get ready for college. go to targetstuffscholarships.com to see all the available scholarships. >> jimmy: all right. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with kate beck kins sail, chris harrison and music from rubblebucket. and a dance.

if the same where true for guacamole, show us what that dance would look like. ♪ aflac! ha! isn't major medical enough? huh! no! who's gonna help cover the holes in their plans? aflac! quack! like medical bills they don't pay for? aflac! or help pay the mortgage? quack! or child care? quack! aflaaac! and everyday expenses? huh?! blurlbrlblrlbr!!! [ thlurp! ] aflac! [ male announcer ] help your family stay afloat at aflac.com. plegh! [ whirring ] cheese me. [ beeps ] [ beeps ] ohh! ohh! [ whistles ] i can live with it. yeah, i can, too. [ male announcer ] take a cheetos break with cheetos. my crowning achievement thus far.

mom took a bunch of amazing pictures. but she can't share them. it's her data plan. she's stressing about overages because she already downloaded a fifteen megabyte cat video. [ laughing ] aww. you have to see this. i've already seen it, nana. like a hundred times. [ male announcer ] why limit your iphone? switch to sprint. the only network with truly unlimited data for your iphone. they think all brushes are the same. they're not. that's why her dentist recommends the new pro-health clinical brush from oral-b. unlike an ordinary toothbrush, it has pro-flex sides that individually adjust to teeth and gums. it truly provides a better clean. trust the brand more dentists and hygienists use. oral-b. the new pro-health clinical brush from oral-b. two flexing sides, one superior clean. with oral-b, life opens up when you do.

>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kate beckinsale. chris harveyson. and music from rubblebucket. with cleto and the cletones. and now, above all, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, that's very nice. thank you. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching at home. thank you for coming out to visit. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate that. i -- grateful for your enthusiasm. i hope -- i know a lot of you are here on summer vacation. i hope you're having a good one. we had a little bit of rain today here in los angeles. and by a little bit, i mean we

had one drop. we had a rain today. [ laughter ] they were saying we might get hit by remnants of tropical depression fabio. i'm glad we didn't, because -- it sounds like the saddest romance novel cover ever. i like they named a storm fabio. you shouldn't even name your kids fabio. fabio should not be allowed for tropical storms for the same reason the dmv rejects certain words on personalized license plates. we needed that drop of rain today. most of the country, including california, is in the middle of a severe drought. it poured in new york today. but otherwise, they're calling this the worst drought in 56 years. that, to me, seems unnecessarily negative. wouldn't it be the best drought in 56 years? [ laughter ] definitely the droughtiest. 2012 is on track to be the hottest year in united states history. and not just because of "magic mike," because of everything. [ laughter ] but that "magic mike," wow. if we don't get rain soon, it

could be bad for farmers whose crops depend on it. it's even bad for toy companies. one toy company in particular has been forced to change their commercials because of the drought. >> what do you grab when you want to make a big splash? >> awesome! >> prepare to get triple soaked! ah! >> triple soakers with six inches of soaking action. >> this is broken. >> it's not broken. it's designed to maximize supersoak ability by taking into account our nation's near catastrophic drought. >> this sucks. >> you know what else sucks? a massive water shortage throughout the u.s.-rocking a. >> what the [ bleep ]? >> please soak responsibly. >> jimmy: can't they just fill them with soda? that's happening. this is kind of strange.

you know this book, "50 shades of grey," it's sold, like -- [ applause ] all right, keep your hands to yourself. [ laughter ] it sold like 11 copies for every man, woman and child on the planet. women seem to be attracted to the sex in the book more than anything. so, a new company has decided to releasesions of classic pieces of literature. i really like "jane ayre," but i would have liked it more if she had a ball gag in her mouth. the founder of the company said we're keeping the original prose and the author's voice but we want to add missing sex scenes, so, where there was, like, suggestion of sex, now, there will be actually sex and they are giving the books sexier titles. "the count of monte kris coe." "david cop a field." "oliver nipple twist." "dr. jekyll and mr. hide the

salami." and "moby dick" will remain the same. we will not rest until every great piece of literature is turned into an episode of "the l word." i'm sure it will make a lot of money. i have a different idea. i have a company i founded that does the opposite. we take sex out of books. for instance. hand me this copy of "50 shades of grey." let me just pick a random thing. christian came home from a long day at work. i asked him what he wanted to eat for dinner. he said, turkey burgers, so, we made them and then we ate. and then we fell asleep watching "hoarders." [ laughter ] i'll be selling these in the lobby after the show. [ applause ] if you're -- thank you. if you're a fan of rock music and all you can eat shrimp, here's something that might catch your attention. there's a company that runs the big coachella music festival they have here every year, they've announced that in

december, they will introduce a coachella cruise. which sounds like tom's next wife, right? [ laughter ] it's a cruise, like any cruise, but they will have performances from rock bands. it goes on for four days. i've been looking for a reason to at sea and -- i really hope this is either a joke or a ploy to round up and deport anyone who would be interested in going on a coachella cruise, because -- [ laughter ] your move, somali pirates. there was a -- there was a great episode of "people's court" yesterday. they are all pretty great. but this one especially. not because of the case. the case was something about a sick dog, a couple bought from a breeder. what made this case great is, i think, the hair style worn by the defendant. >> these are the mrafs, reynold and vilma williams. they say the defendant sound them a puppy with a congenital disease, which causes the eyelids of the dog to roll inward against the cornea.

this is the defendant, george. he says he's not a breeder, just a hobbyist, who has dogs who occasionally have litters. >> jimmy: as you can see, he's wearing a litter on his head. [ applause ] justice has never been happier to be blind. the boy scouts of america has announced that they will continue to enforce their policy of banning openly gay boys from being scouts and openly gay adults from taking leadership positions in the organization. between this and same sex marriage, people really don't want gay people tying knots, for some reason. [ laughter ] they said -- [ cheers and applause ] their statement said, the policy reflects the bleaches and perspectives of the boy scouts of america and that a majority of their membership agrees with it. i don't get -- being an adult boy scout is literally the only thing gayer than actually being gay. [ laughter ]

and -- [ cheers and applause ] i might the add, by the way, hon you ban gays while wearing a necker chief? rush limbaugh went one of his most inexplicable rants yet. mitt romney is one of the founders of a company called bain capital and he's being criticized by some. and somehow, rush limbaugh has tied this into the new batman movie. i was just going to play a clip of rush's comments, but his reasoning is so cartoonish, we thought it would be fun to pair it with a cartoon. we took the audio from the show and combined it with footage from the animated batman series. i think it makes a lot more sense this way. >> have you heard this new movie, the batman movie, "the dark night lights up." do you know the name of the villain in this movie? >> ah --

>> bain. the villain in "the dark knight rises" is named bain. b-a-n-e. what is the name of the venture capital firm that romney ran and around which there's now this make believe controversy? bain. the movie has been in the works for a long time, release date's been known, summer 2012, for a long time. do you think that it is accidental that the name of the really vicious fire-breathing, four-eyed whatever it is villain in this movie is named bane? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there is one major flaw in rush's theory, and that is the character bane was created in 1993, 20 years ago. that would make obama not only a kenyan socialist, but a time traveler, too. the creator of bane, the guy who

created the character is calling the allegations ridiculous, especially because he, himself, is a long-time cop servive. at first, it does seem ridiculous, but tisomebody on o staff found an old company for bain capital. i'll let you be the judge. >> in challenging economic times, you need expert investment advice. at bain capital, our experienced advisers can craft strategies to help you maximize returns and reduce tax exposure. and we can help you protect your wealth for future generations. bain capital. we're more than a wealth fund. we're gotham's reckoning. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and one more thing. you know, today marks a milestone in the short but rich history of the internet. this is the 20th anniversary of the first photograph ever posted online. this is the photo. for real. it's an all girl's skiinging group.

they perform in switzerland in the early '90s and to come them rate this historic occasion, we have something very special. here with us, singing one of their classic songs, all the way from geneva, we flew them out here tonight, -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: hello there. um -- what happened to the other -- the other three members of the group? >> they are dead. >> jimmy: i'm very sorry to hear that. that's terrible. so, what -- will you -- are you still going to sing the song? >> oh, i will sing my part. >> jimmy: oh, okay. okay. well, here with the song "the alpine milkman." enjoy. ♪

♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ oh oh oh ♪ oh oh [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show for you tonight. from "the bachelorette," host chris harrison is with us. we have music tonight from

rubblebucket. and we'll be right back with kate beckinsale, so stick around. why should our wallets tell us what our favorite color is? every room deserves to look great. and every footstep should tell us we made the right decision. so when we can feel our way through the newest, softest, and most colorful options... ...across every possible price range... ...our budgets won't be picking the style. we will. more saving. more doing.

that's the power of the home depot. make room for savings with $37 basic installation on martha stewart living and platinum plus carpet. ...we had to go further, and rereinvent the suv.scape... with an innovative foot-activated rear lift gate... technology that can recognize your voice, and the best highway fuel efficiency in its class, up to 33 mpg. because we wanted to reinvent the suv, we had to invent... this. the all-new escape, from ford. the tension between them reached a breaking point, literally. so they divided the production between two separate factories. each factory took a vastly different approach. left twix flowed caramel on cookie, while right twix cascaded caramel on cookie. left twix bathed in chocolate, while right twix cloaked in chocolate. both bars as different

as the vastly distinct men who invented them. to this day, sharing nothing but a wrapper and an ill-designed driveway. try both and pick a side. [ male announcer ] new liquid plumr double impact has a long snake that reaches deep in the pipe to grab the toughest clogs and a powerful gel to finish off the rest, baby. new liquid plumr double impact.

>> jimmy: hi, everybody. tonight on the program, the host of "the bachelorette." the big finale airs sunday night at 8:00 here on abc. chris harrison is here. i hear we might have a crazy finale on our hands. that's the word i'm getting. you know, every year they say the most dramatic ending of "the bachelorette" yet. i heard for the one time, this might actually be true. and then making their network television debut, with music

from this album, called "omega la la," all the way from brooklyn, new york, rubblebucket from the bud light stage. we have quite a show for you tomorrow night. tomorrow night on the show, charlie sheen will be here. a very pregnant snooki will be here. and we'll have music from joe cocker and huey lewis together. it all comes together tomorrow night for me personally. every punch line imaginable has descended on us. you know our first guest tonight from "the aviator," "pearl harbor," "underworld" and many films. starting august 3rd you can see her kicking the crap out of colin farrell in the sci-fi thriller "total recall." please say hello to kate beckinsale. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm very well. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. you look fantastic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i saw the movie last night. it's great.

a lot of fun. your husband directed this movie. >> yeah, that's right. yeah. i was offended when he said there's a part of a psychotic bitch, would you like to play it. oh, what gave you that -- >> jimmy: it's like the worst divorce ever, i think, the story of this movie. it would be a weird thing, now that i think of it. your husband is like, yeah, there's this terrible wife, i think you'd be perfect for the role. >> i know, i know. i'm still slightly offended. and he has seen me pms-ing. that may have -- he has an app on his iphone called code red, which -- [ laughter ] that's a real app. it's not a joke. >> jimmy: isn't that mountain dew? >> it sort of counts you down. do approach her sexually today, don't today. >> jimmy: it does? >> put her in the dungeon with the gimp now so -- >> jimmy: wow, that's crazy. and is it accurate? >> yeah, i mean, he seems to think it's more accurate than it is, but it does give a good -- >> jimmy: if you guys have a

fight, does he pull out his phone, go -- that would make me madder than anything. >> he tends to go -- hmm. kind of annoying. >> jimmy: you have a daughter. is she in camp now or -- >> no, she's actually in france, in province -- >> jimmy: she's in france? my parents never sent me to france. what is she doing there? >> she's doing a month-long language course there. >> jimmy: oh, so when she's out of school, you send her back to school. >> right. the european way. >> jimmy: is it really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: because we go out in kayaks and stuff like that. so i'm 208d. i didn't go to camp. my parents are here. i'm trying to make them feel guilty. >> my daughter didn't want to go to camp because apparently everybody throws up. >> jimmy: camp up-a-chuck-a? does she love it there? >> she's loving it. it's difficult when they are 13, because they get to talk to you on the phone, so, when she's called me, she called me twice.

once, when one of her friends almost burned down their apartment. and once to really harass me to let her have facewe pfacebook. >> jimmy: fist of all, they have an apartment? >> well -- my mother is, like, down the hall. it's not like that. >> jimmy: who set the fire? >> well, there's one girl who, love her to death, but is gluten intoll rapt. she has to make special pasta, so, after the event of everyone making dinner, she was sort of there making the pasta and she forgot -- you know, those electric hubs, you can't tell if they are off or on? >> jimmy: a hot plate? >> yeah, and everything went up like a rocket. >> jimmy: she was almost killed by gluten free pasta. >> yeah, who can say that? >> jimmy: very few people. wow. i have a feeling you're going to find out there's more to the story when your daughter turns, like, 27. >> oh, god. i never want to know that. >> jimmy: that sounds like an unlikely tale to me. she called you --

>> crack, what do you nimean? >> jimmy: who knows. i've only got one -- >> jimmy: i don't know what goes on in france. you said facebook. do you allow your daughter to be on facebook? >> no, that's where the p pedophiles are. that's what i heard anyway. >> jimmy: i'm sure there are plenty. >> i think there are. >> jimmy: does she get upset? >> yes, i was actually in the dentist. because the first phone call i had had been the house is burning down and the fire brigade are here, i was lying back in the chair, you know, the tampon things they have in your mouth and, like, a hose. we have to take, i have to talk to my daughter. momma, i really need facebook. on okay, you know what? >> jimmy: how old will she be when you allow her to have facebook? >> 30. >> jimmy: 30? >> you're rational then, right? >> jimmy: more rational than 13 for sure. >> i think if you are going to be asked for a photograph of

your boobs, better to be 30 and 13. >> jimmy: sure. were you well behaved in school? >> pretty well behaved. i wasn't a big drinker. i never got into it. i went to oxford and i was voted -- i was voted sixth most boring person in my college. i have to explain this. >> jimmy: sixth most boring? >> that's even more crummy than first. you know what i'm saying? they have the old drinking societies in oxford and it involves, you know, to join, you have to drink a point of vodka out of somebody's boot. and there was this horrible thing calle eed -- >> jimmy: can you translate to spanish for guillermo? i don't think he caught that one. >> anyway -- >> jimmy: it's not as bad as it sounds? because it sounds bad. >> it sounds really bad. well, you can see why i didn't. >> jimmy: yeah.

>> there would be this rugby team, they get all sweaty. one of them would pull down his trousers and pants and then you would pour a poiint of beer dow the crack and somebody would have to drink it. and so, this is why i was sixth most boring. evidently, there were five more people more turned off by this than me. i'm proud of it. >> jimmy: i can't imagine why you would steer clear of that. >> didn't feel right. >> jimmy: that is one of the most horrible things i've ever heard. wow, that's -- sixth most boring. were there ten or did -- >> i think there was ten. >> jimmy: okay, well, at least you finished ahead of a few people. >> thank goodness. >> jimmy: i'm glad you brought the story up. i would like to ask you to do something -- >> no, i'm not doing it. i love my movie. i don't love it that much for -- >> jimmy: oh, no, not that. that's not what i was going to ask you to do. maybe now that i think of it, maybe i should have gone farther. no. i was talking earlier about

these books, they're taking the classic books and they're making, they are sexualizing these classic pieces of literal sure. i was wondering if you would read one of the sexual parts from -- calm down, you animals. from "moby dick." would you do that? >> i would definitely. >> jimmy: you would give it a real touch of class. kate beckinsale is here. the movie is called "total recall." we'll be right back. you know, we're a little early for this thing... want to hop in the back and get weird? no. family vacation... vegas. ♪ no. no. give it a big yank! really? yeah! [ knock on window ] no! no. ♪ ugh, no! [ sighs ] we can have hotdogs for dinner?! yes. [ male announcer ] in a world filled with "no," it's nice to finally say "yes." new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives. it's yes food.

my nkiva is the world's first nomicro-lending platform,es. where anybody can lend $25 or more to entrepreneurs around the world. this is the laptop we got jessica when she first went away to college. that was the beginning of the journey for me. it's incredible to have someone tell you that your child has had such a major effect on their lives. it's hard to believe that it started with just a dream and a laptop. when the technology is right, anything can happen. vo: save $100 on a new toshiba p series laptop, backed by our perfect match promise. of applebee's new lemon shrimp fettuccine is here just in time for summer. lemons contain about 8% citric acid by weight, which refreshes the palate, but also neutralizes the potent amine compound -- [ male announcer ] hi, alan. hey. they just want to know if it tastes good -- if it's a good value and that it tastes good.

it's not a science show. [ laughs ] i... [ male announcer ] the new lemon shrimp fettuccine is 100% delicious and pairs beautifully with your mouth. it's one of the new fresh flavors of summer starting at just $9.99 at applebee's. see you tomorrow. the wife. hey, babe. got the jetta. i wiped the floor with the guy! not really. i would've been fine with 0% for 36 months, but i demanded 60. no...i didn't do that. it was like taking candy from a baby. you're a grown man. alright, see you at home. [ male announcer ] the volkswagen autobahn for all event. we good? we're good. [ male announcer ] at 0% apr for 60 months, no one needs to know how easy it was to get your new volkswagen. that's the power of german engineering.

♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] everyone likes a bit of order in their life. virtual wallet helps you get . keep track of spending, move money with a slide, and use the calendar. all to see your money how you want. ♪

your memory was replaced. your mind was implanted with the life you think you've lived. there never was a quaid. >> i don't -- our marriage? >> what can i say? i was a good wife. >> why are you trying to kill me? >> you haven't even begun to see me -- ♪ >> jimmy: that is "total recall." kate beckinsale. that's a good movie. and the fighting is great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and, have you worked with colin farrell before? >> no, and i had -- when i first got together with my husband, who is a director, i think they must have had quite similar

facial hair because i got sort of photographed somewhere and everybody said, oh, look, she's dating colin farrell. and so -- i think he was dating a lot of people at that time. >> jimmy: oh. >> so, nobody really questioned it. and so i was in that stable of people who was with colin farrell. i'm not sure if he remembered one way or the other. >> jimmy: that time of his life was a bit of a blur. just for the record, you did not date him? >> oh, god no. as far as i can remember. >> jimmy: i ronnic that he could not recall and this movie is "total recall" and that is his character. his character was originally played by around schwarzenegger. and now they have done a version in english, which is nice. >> right. >> jimmy: your fighting is great in the movie. i feel like you could really fight. have you been in a fight? >> not for a long time. there was a really weird boy in my school when i was in grade

school who, i think there was something a bit wrong with him. they'd call it something now, but you know, you just had the weird kid. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and he -- he used to pick on my very close friend who was a sort of ballerina, harmless type. and he would pick up his dog, right when it was about to go to the bathroom and hand it to her, you know, very cute dog and we had to wear smocks with the little pock in it and she had a lot of dog poo on her smock. and i definitely beat him up for that. >> jimmy: you did? >> you got to. >> jimmy: all right, well, now, i have this book and for those who did not see the beginning of the show, there's a company that is now adding sex to the classics. this is "moby dick." if you would -- if we could open the curtains here, we have a special setup for you here. [ applause ]

and -- there you have it. just make yourself comfortable. and, ladies and gentlemen, now, i give you, with a reading from the classic novel "moby dick," kate beckinsale. enjoy. [ applause ] >> through the glass, i spied it afar upon the swells and betook myself. twas no spay of surf, no reflection. the great beast itself, the white whale. the pulsating white whale. as i drew the vessel near, my insides began to feel like warm maple syrup was flowing through them. moby's eyes met mine. man and ocean beast locked eyes. volcanic passion began to roil within me. aching to erupt in an interspecies frenzy of hot, shuddering blubber. our lips met, assuming whales have lips.

his breath smelled of plankton and squid. i lick and nibbled the breathe's briny back as i worked my way slowly towards his blow hole. i stumbled clumsy. i rose, nude and dripping, ready for his flesh harpoon. and then he turned to me, raised his ma'mmoth head and whisper e the words i longed to hear. and so i did. >> jimmy: doesn't get any better than that. thank you so much. thank you. kate beckinsale, everyone. "total recall" opens in theaters in august. and we'll be right back with chris harrison. ♪

♪ pop goes the world ♪ it goes something like this ♪ everybody here is a friend of mine ♪ ♪ everybody, tell me, have you heard? ♪ [ female announcer ] pop in a whole new kind of clean with new tide pods... a powerful three-in-one detergent that cleans, brightens, and fights stains. just one removes more stains than the 6 next leading pacs combined. pop in. stand out. dove knows women want to feel beautiful but need strength too. dove clinical protection is prescription strength wetness protection with 3x the care for skin. dove clinical protection. where beautiful women find strength.

with our babysitter. no. these work, right? no. all right. mom! look what i found in the shed! no! no! no! ♪ ew! were you guys just making out in here? what? no! is it okay if i quit my job and start a blog? no. really? cold cuts from a package? yes. [ male announcer ] in a world filled with "no," it's nice to finally say "yes." new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives.

it's yes food. you'll inevitably find yourself on a desolate highway in your jeep grand cherokee. and when you do, you'll be grateful for the adaptive cruise control that automatically adjusts your speed when approaching slower traffic. and for the blind spot monitoring that helps remind you that the highway might not be as desolate... ...as you thought. ♪ [ male announcer ] ok, so you're no marathon man. but thanks to the htc one x from at&t, with its built in beats audio, every note sounds amazingly clear. ...making it easy to get lost in the music... and, well... rio vista?!! [ male announcer ] ...lost. introducing the musically enhanced htc one x from at&t.

rethink possible. introducing the musically enhanced htc one x from at&t. l still thinking of replacing te truck? i just don't know where to start. glad you made it. start by choosing from over 30,000 used cars and truckcks. carmax. start here.

well, that's too bad. we're on our break. maybe one of the other tellers can help you. ♪ [ chester cheetah ] on your way. [ male announcer ] take a cheetos break with cheetos. [ female announcer ] 100% natural lipton iced tea. it's delicious goodness, just the way nature intended it. when you put goodness inside, you can't help but shine on the outside. lipton. drink positive. so does writing words on your face. if you were going to write three words on your face, what would they be? ♪ ♪

untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher. in applebee's new florentine house sirloin, we start with fresh tomatoes. look at that deep red color. that's a product of mature lycopene content, which is generated about 50 days into the growth cycle. [ male announcer ] carl, you're doing it again. i-i was gonna say it -- [ male announcer ] you're talking about tomatoes like they're your children. we love you, buddy, but you're going a little deep here. right. [ male announcer ] allow me. the florentine house sirloin

is a big, delicious steak with fresh spinach and bruschetta. it's one of the new fresh flavors of summer, starting at just $9.99 at applebee's. see you tomorrow.

>> jimmy: well, hello there. still to come, music from rubblebucket. no one knows more

about the perils of televised love than our next guest. he's presided over 24 seasons of "the bachelor" and "the bachelorette." the season finale airs sunday night at 8:00 here on abc. please welcome mr. hot tub and roses, chris harrison. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good. how -- how am i supposed to follow kate beckinsale reading "moby dick?" >> jimmy: to most women, you are a kate beckbeckinsale. look, you got your shirt open. >> i thought you were going to say i'm moby dick. >> jimmy: you giving us a rare glimpse of your chest hair, which is exciting. >> you like that? >> jimmy: let me ask you this, because i don't know if you know this. correctly predicted after the first show, the very first show of the season this year, correctly predicted the two finalists, the final two.

>> is that right? you picked arie and jef. >> jimmy: with one f, yes. i picked them. >> that's impressive. >> jimmy: do you know, when you show up, do you have a pretty good idea of who it's going to be? >> no . i try to predict, as well. early on, if you give me a couple of weeks into it, i get it down. only because i'm privy to the conversations. >> jimmy: only because of that, though. >> i'm really not just that first judge of character. i'm not very good at that. >> jimmy: are you surprised that arie and jef with one f are the two finalists? i'm surprised his parents didn't just give him an extra f. that is the most shocking thing in the season. >> jimmy: not only that, he goes into the fantasy suite and he decides, he plays it smart, really. he says, you know what, she's reject -- she doesn't want any sex nonsense going on, so, he says, you know what, i don't think it's right. he takes the initiative there and says he doesn't want to have sex with her.

hence, he should be jef with no fs is what he should be. he should just be je. >> you know what, though? i think he was savvy. you're onto something. >> jimmy: that's a good move. >> i think he just assumed, look, she has a daughter, she's going to play this classy. i like the way she went about it. she didn't get on the moral soap box, say, look, this ain't happening, you know why. she said, look, i would love for it to happen, but i'm not going to do this for my daughter. ju he took the initiative, say, look, either way, he takes the moral high ground or just beat her to the punch. it was smart. very savvy of his one f. >> jimmy: i'm hearing a lot of rumors about this season and the finale. can you confirm that it is the -- that it will be really good? >> i feel like i'm in congressch thing now. can you confirm? >> jimmy: this is sworn testimo testimony. can you confoirm --

>> it will finally be the most dramatic finale ever. finally, after ten years 0 of safing that. >> jimmy: well, the first season for sure was the most dramatic finale, because it was the only finale. then, i think, the second season was even more dramatic. but you're batting average is terrible. of the 24 seasons, how many of them have married? >> well, when you say 24, that's a big number. jshg th >> jimmy: but it is 24. that is the number. >> details, jimmy. trista and ryan, obviously. and we have jason and molly have been married. and we -- we count one off "bachelor pad" -- >> jimmy: you do not. that's just basically -- you put just a bunch of horny n' er do wells. it's basically a porn shoot without the porn. >> that's what it's become. this season -- i would love to some day just take the show to s cinemax where it belongs.

>> jimmy: on the swer knelt they could do that. it's abc. they're not going to do that. >> we need to do that after dark. the things that are said and done just will never, ever go on abc. >> jimmy: when -- it starts on the monday follow -- >> sunday, we have the premiere of "bachelorette" -- >> jimmy: finale, not the premiere. >> the finale, and that roms into the premiere of "bachelor pad." >> jimmy: and the postshow is going to be live. >> i love live tv. that's how it should be done. you can't we place that energy. the good, the bald, the ugly, all of it. i think it's good. >> jimmy: and there's a chance something terrible will happen. >> the train wreck. see, i embrace that. just like you do. the awkward moments are the great moments. and as much as our producers love to edit and control those situations, and i get it to a certain degree, i like the mayhem. >> jimmy: that makes me feel like something big is going to

happen. i'm going to run some scenarios by you. some of these have been in tabloids. some of these are just things that we kind of thought of. >> should i give you a -- >> jimmy: i don't think you can, but maybe just give your kind of feedback on it. sean, who was rejected last week, he comes back and proposes to emily and she accepts. >> okay. >> jimmy: you can say no, right, if it's a nosh the. >> i can definitely say no. >> jimmy: is it a now? >> no, i could say that. >> jimmy: here's another one. emily decides to get her 7-year-old daughter decide and she picks arie, because he looks the most like my little pony. [ laughter ] >> damn it! how did you find out? that's true. >> jimmy: engaged to both guys, they move to a compound in northern idaho? emily ends up with you, chris harrison. is that possible? [ cheers and applause ] >> it's true. i wanted to come out on jimmy

kimmel and announce. >> jimmy: she gets denied by one guy and engaged to the other. they are never on the island the entire time, they were in purgatory. >> and it became "lost." >> jimmy: i don't mean to offend you, but i feel like as a result of all these seasons, all this time you spend with these people, you don't understand what real relationships are anymore. [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? i want to show a videotape here. watch this with me. this is what i'm talking about. take a look. >> hey, guys, sorry to interrupt the one on one date. how are things going between the two of you? >> we're great. >> emily, this is the toughest part of the night. you have to decide, is he going to stay or are you going to send

him home? >> i'm not emily. >> look, are you here for the right reasons? >> that's a really personal question. who are you? >> emily, honestly, i sense anger from this guy. >> leave us alone. >> i'm sorry, is there a problem? >> no, we're fine. >> chris, come on, man. how many times are you going to do this this week? >> you are not getting the rose, man. i'm just trying to help you guys find love. i'm just here for love! >> are you okay? >> yeah, i'm -- oh! >> coming up, the most dramatic dessert course ever. >> waiter? he's back! >> what? >> jimmy: you see what i'm talking about? >> no. i don't see what's wrong with that. >> jimmy: chris harrison, everyone. watch the finale of "the bachelorette" sunday night. "bachelor pad" monday night. we'll be right back with music from rubblebucket.

>> jimmy: the name of the album is "omega la la." making their network television debut with the song "came out of a lady," from brooklyn, rubblebucket! ♪

♪ i used to wish i was never born but now i don't cause i found you ♪ ♪ it's really cool you like me too of all the places and all the times ♪ ♪ to walk the land i can't believe how could it be you're here with me ♪ ♪ you came out of a lady and i want you to save me it's amazing you came out of a lady oh ♪ ♪ and i want you to save me it's amazing i used to walk by the stream at night ♪ ♪ with silver shadows everywhere my brain like an exploding light ♪ ♪ and wonder if it

was worth my time to sing these sings and do these things ♪ ♪ and stumble at the every time you came out of a lady and i want you to save me ♪ ♪ it's amazing you came out of a lady oh and i want you to save me it's amazing ♪ ♪ ♪ and i need you all these times they tell me that i don't oh i need you ♪ ♪ tell me that i don't woah i used to wonder where i could go to sit and watch ♪ ♪ the moon come out

it's never like i dreamed it though it had to be ♪ ♪ just a matter of time before you came and found me there but silently all ♪ ♪ through the air you came out of a lady and i want you to save me it's amazing ♪ ♪ you came out of a lady oh and i want you to save me it's amazing oh i need you ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ all these times they tell me that i don't oh i need you tell me that i don't whoa ♪ ♪ you came out of a lady save me it's amazing you came out of a lady oh and i want you to save me ♪ ♪ oh oh ♪ oh oh