"jimmy kimmel live." tonight kevin nealon, dj khaled, dikembe mutombo and aloe blacc, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from christina aguilera. and now, here's jimmy kimmel. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks watching. thanks for

what a night to be here. we have quite a program assembled with kevin nealon, and d.j. khaled is in the house and christina aguilera. do people still say in the house? whatever. he's here. for those of you who aren't familiar with his work, he's more popular on snap chat than, like, photos of private parts. he's that big. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's on it all the time. he even sometimes snaps and chats while he's driving. >> going to jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel and d.j. khaled. i'm premiering my album on jimmy kimmel and talking cloth. >> jimmy: so we'll be talking cloth. i'm looking forward to talking cloth. i rarely do it. we have the best

brooklyn, the nba draft is going on. it's basically the rose ceremony from the bachelor but for dudes. philadelphia had the first pick. they had to scramble. they were going to pick the giant from game of thrones, but if you saw the show, he did not get picked number one. it was ben simmons who is now a philadelphia sixer [ woman screaming ] >> jimmy: did you expect others were going to join in on that? [ applause ] >> jimmy: i got scared for a second. anyway, here is ben on the way into the arena tonight. >> lsu's ben simmons in new york told that he will go number one overall to the 76 ers. told us yesterday he was going to keep the conservative with a suit which he did. looks nice.

he should get a technical for that. the second bapick, the lakers tk i think gram. some teams are looking for big defende defenders. other teams just want a good listener. that's worth something. they don't? shaquille o'neal is getting some attention today for a photograph he tweeted. i guess this is supposed to be a poke at steph curry who was the unanimous mvp. the only problem is if you read his shirt, it says the real unaminousmvp. this is why we need a spell check. at least they spelled mvp right. it could have been hpv. that's cloth

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: one of the cherished and most annoying thing at a wedding is all the photos. now mom, dad, tell mom, you know -- it's the worst, but that pales in comparison to what happened to this poor guy. >> when this couple started posing for pictures, the groom was suddenly bitten by a rattlesnake. the bride called 9-1-1 and they rushed him to the emergency room. the wedding photographer wept taking amazing pictures as the drama unfolded. [ applause ] >> jimmy: hello, 9-1-1. until death to you part almost wasn't very much time at all. mean while in politics reality seems to be setting in for senator bernie sanders. he said yesterday it doesn't appear he'll be the democratic nominee for president. no, it

>> jimmy: it also doesn't appear the golden state warriors will be the nba champions, but i'm glad he's coming to grips with it. this is interesting. "the washington post" did a review of the reagan library archives. donald trump, apparently has exaggerated his relationship with ronald reagan. that's unlike him to exaggerate. but he said that he and reagan liked each other and indicated they knew each other, but president reagan ignored his invitations, and reagan's son said he would not have known donald trump if donald trump stood up in his soup. what the hell kind of soup was ronald reagan eating? [ applause ] >> jimmy: it doesn't matter if donald trump embellished the relationship. his supporters don't care. they're passionate to the point where it seems like

him. to test this, we went out and asked people who said they're on team trump, and we asked them what would he have to do to lose your vote. this is what they said. >> what would it take for trump to lose your vote? >> nothing. there's nothing he could do to lose my vote. >> what would he have to do to lose my vote? be a socialist like bernie or a criminal like hillary. >> take my guns. >> that's it? >> that's it. >> punching a woman right in the face on national tv. >> be a child molester n. >> anything else? >> that's about it. >> short of killing somebody, i don't know. >> there's nothing he could do at all? >> no. >> like murder somebody? >> well, yeah, that would probably stop it right there. >> what if he set the american flag on fire? >> that's one of the freedoms that donald trump stands for. >>

surfaced showing him smoking crack. would you still vote for him? >> absolutely. >> what if he had a hitler mustache? >> absolutely. >> what if he said that japan and south korea could get nuclear weapons? >> absolutely. >> what if he stood in the middle of fifth avenue and shot somebody. would you still vote for him? >> absolutely. >> what if he got a tattoo on his forehead that said sit here, ladies? >> absolutely. >> what if he turned out to have a tattoo of a swastika on his shoulder? >> he probably does. >> and you would vote for him? >> i have friends with that tattoo and they're cool can. >> what if he punched the catholic in the fackath pope in the face? >> i'm a catholic. punch away. >> donald trump has made a huge impact during his run for

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♪ like the turmpa-lump a dupadee do. losers ♪ >> jimmy: wow, well done, gentlemen. thanks. appreciate that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: when we come back. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: one got loose. everything okay? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know what's happening, but we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ you've wished upon it all year,

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>> jimy: tonight on the show music from christina aguilera. dj khaled is here. there's a big international soccer tournament going on called the euro cup. [ applause ] >> jimmy: yesterday iceland upset austria. they scored the game winner in the 90th minute. i don't know a lot about iceland. this is the kind of thing you don't ever hear from an announcer. [ indiscernible ] [ announcer yelling ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: who knew they had enthusiasm like that? the guy who got bit by the snake

at his wedding didn't yell like that. the nba draft was tonight. where are they now in the draft? >> new orleans, pelicans are up. >> jimmy: what number? >> six. >> jimmy: okay. if i get drafted, let me know. i'm going going to finish the show if they go. guillermo, you'll have to finish the show if i get drafted all right? >> guillermo: about time. [ applause ] >> jimmy: okay. so as of tonight, after the draft at the nba festivities for this season, the cavaliers had their parade yesterday. that's that until october. that's a shame, especially for guillermo. you love the nba. to cheer up guillermo and all the nba fans, we teamed up with a great singer and a great former player with this song. i hope this song will bring you joy no matter what's going on in your life. >> hey, guillermo. hey. >> i guess

>> you know there's a way to cure those blues, right? >> guillermo: you do? >> yeah. >> guillermo: can you tell it to me? >> jimmy: better than that. we can situation it to you. what do you see? >> guillermo: okay. let's do it. >> jimmy: ♪ when life is getting you down and nothing's going your way ♪ ♪ when your phone won't charge and your car won't start and your zit won't go away ♪ ♪ when life's trials and dibulations have got you feeling small ♪ ♪ there's just two words you need to stay to feel 6'2" inches tall ♪ joet that's all you need to say ♪ ♪ wash your cares away ♪ when your cat is stuck up a

♪ when your pet falls in the sea ♪ ♪ when you spill desert on your new shirt ♪ ♪ repeat after me >> jimm >> guillermo: wow, so it's as easy as saying dikembe ma tomb bow. ♪ when your testicles get caught in a barbed wire sense ♪ >> don't that make everything better? ♪ i'm 7'2", size 22 shoe. making people happy is what i do ♪ ♪ dikembe mu tome bow ♪ as simple

♪ dikembe mu tome bow >> it's simple as can be ♪ ♪ makes everything happy >> dikembe mutombo ♪ >> jimmy: it's time to bleep and burr the tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> talk about in politics, donald trump [ bleep ] corey lewandowski yesterday. >> do you know your [ bleep ] size, by the way? >> i don't. >> i'll bet you'll find it? >> i will. >> there's lebron. guys, he was unbelievable. >> hillary clinton's is only right about one thing. i understand [ bleep ] and now how to

i've made a fortune handling [ bleep ]. >> the most flalterring way to [ bleep ] your face. >> none of those [ bleep ]s are your favorite? >> nope. >> i love playing with bp bps. >> you want to hit the papers tomorrow? get that horse. i'll [ bleep ] that horse. the problem is even if i [ bleep ] it, they'll say i fell off the horse and it was terrible. >> jimmy: >> jimy: tonight on the show music from christina aguilera. dj khaled is here. and we'll be right back with kevin nealon. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by "odd mom out." watch new episodes every monday and catch up on-demand now only by bravo.

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z212mz zi0z y212my yi0y >> jimmy: tonight a superstar producer and snap-chatter extraordinaire, his new album -- [ oh, no, this is not his new album. his new album, i don't have. i'll show

dj khaled is with us. we're going to have cloth talk. then her new single for charity is called "change." all the first three months proceeds go to orlando. christina aguilera from the samsung stage. next week on the show, eric stonestreet, zac efron and adam devine, christoph waltz, nia long, jim jefferies, walton goggins, danielle brooks, margot robbie and we will have music from alunageorge, flo rida, melanie martinez, and maxwell. >> jimmy: our first guest is one of the funniest of the funny men we call funnyman. tonight, we celebrate his twentieth appearance on this show and you can see him live july 28th through the 30th at the helium comedy club in portland, oregon, please say hello to kevin nealon. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: kevin, it's wonderful to see you, and on this occasion when we celebrate your 20th appearance. >> unbelievable, 20 episodes. >> jimmy: isn't that something? >> yeah. [ applause ] >> all in the first week. >> jimmy: a lot of them were in the first week. >> you have a great lineup. >> jimmy: a lot of people coming. >> can you imagine if all those people were coming to your house and you had to entertain them? >> jimmy: it's happened. >> i'll bet it is. >> jimmy: how is everything? how's life? >> not good, jimmy -- no, it's good. i'm finally being appreciated in life. >> jimmy: i noticed that. i saw a flier, maybe in one of your e-mails -- >> no, not my e-mail, maybe the newspaper. >> jimmy: no, i think it was an e-mail you sent me. number one, you're going to be the grand marshal of the

palisades parade on july 4th. [ applause ] >> yes. i don't know what the grand marshal does, but i have to ride in the car. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and because i'm also the h honorary mayor. >> jimmy: you're the mayor as well. [ applause ] >> double duty. i don't think they could find another celebrity to be the grand marshal, so i said okay. i don't know if i bop out of the car and go back and forth to another car. >> jimmy: you'll have to start at the grand marshal and run back and be the mayor in the mayor's car. >> when they first asked me to be the honorary mayor, i said what do i have to do. ride in the fourth of july parade and christmas parade. i'm thinking after the fourth of july parade, i'll ask them to tape it s

back. i'm trying to convince my wife to ride in the parade with me. >> jimmy: she won't? >> well, she may, but she's been diagnosed with catastrophic thinking combined with a fear of parades. >> jimmy: i don't blame her. have you been in a parade before? >> i've not. >> jimmy: you're not going to like it. >> have you been? >> jimmy: i was. i was a grand marshal. i have been in the gay pride parade. i was dressed as one of the village people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm not joking. i've been in a couple of parades. in new orleans i was in the parade was someone dropped out, and at the last minute they asked me and my pal adam corolla to be the grand marshals. they had medallions that they didn't change, and they all had the other guy on them. we were throwing the medallions and people were going, geesh. >> that's what i'm going to be throwing out. there's a lot of them out there. >> jimmy: they had

over from mine? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what are the perks of being the mayor? >> there are a few perks. i got a license plate that says honorary mayor around the boarder. i don't know if that's going to help me get out of tickets. the parking meter maids are very vicious where i live. >> jimmy: they are? >> if you're one second over, but i'm thinking if they see my plate, they'll give me a couple more seconds. >> jimmy: i doubt it. do you still have to feed meters? >> i'm going to try that. i'm going to try not feeding the meter and see what happens. but i'll be nearby and i can jump in the car and say i'm back. you know how you do that? even if i don't have to pay for parking, i like the idea of putting the credit card in and pulling it out. when it says approved, that makes me feel so good. [ applause ] >> i feel validated. approved. it's hard to get approved for things these days. even if it costs

approved for 25 cents, thank you very much. >> jimmy: that's a great way of looking at it. you always see the bright side. do you have a plan for the summer with the family? >> you're so nosey. we'll do a little traveling. my goal this summer is to drink more water and stay hydrated. i usually don't drink a lot of water. lo lu lugy, is that it? i drink about eight bottles of water, but i'm exhausted because i get up to pea at night. i need to reverse the process. it's embarrassing, too. [ applause ] five timers? all right. >> jimmy: i've been there. >> it's embarrassing when you're at someone's house and you have to keep using their bathroom. can i use

quick? i'm thinking not too quick. don't get messy. here's what you don't want to hear. can i use your bathroom? i'm going to be a while. got any newspapers or anything? i'm going to be in there for a while. i like to go to bathroom at somebody's house like during a dinner party. i excuse myself, can i use your bathroom, and then i use the bathroom and i come back to the middle of the dinner party, and a few minutes later i go do you guys have a plunger? [ laughter ] >> real quick. >> jimmy: it is important to have a plunger for those situations. how old is your son? >> he's nine. >> jimmy: nine? >> and your daughter is -- >> jimmy: i have two. one is 24 and the other is two. >> pack to back. i like that. [

>> yeah. sometimes i go a long time inbetween too. [ laughter ] >> my son is nine, and i don't know what your daughter is into. my son loves to get dizzy. >> jimmy: my daughter likes that too. >> i think it's the first time you experience a hallucination as a person. it's like a gateway drug to drinking. >> jimmy: i agree. it makes me a little bit worried, like she likes getting dizzy. >> yeah. what does that mean? i don't care if that's all he does for the rest of his life. if other kids are drinking and smoking dope, you guys, you mind if i move this couch and get dizzy? i got extra helmets. >> jimmy: that would be nice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that would be weird but nice. is he playing sports? i know you're a really good athlete, actually. >> i m an excellent athlete. >> jimmy: you are. i've seen you in action. >> have you ever been to a

>> jimmy: i have been. >> unbelievable. these guys, they play full court. back and forth, back and forth. unbelievable. but, yeah, i try to teach -- it's the same with my wife and kid. i try to teach them how to hit the ball. golf. they don't want to know anything from me, but i don't know what i'm doing. my son is like am i safe on first base as long as my hand is on the plate before i get there? >> he thought about it, what if i took a big pop on first base and it was attached to my butt. would i still be safe? i thought about it. you would. you'd have to set it up early. >> jimmy: i like the way the boy thinks. it's good to see you. i know you're going to be in portland performing live at the

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>> a message about odd mom out, the funny show on bravo about two women -- >> jimmy? >> jimmy: hi. [ applause ] >> we met at that tolerance for gluten intolerance event? >> jimmy: right. hi. how are you? how you doing? >> my sister-in-law, jill and ri in town for a few days and my chief nanny forgot to book uz a reservation for tonight for dinner. >> jimmy: i hate that. this is brook and jill from "odd mom out" on bravo. what do you sneneed? >> do you have any dinner recommendations? nothing puerto rican? >> jimmy: do you like italian? >> it's summer and i have a figure to mainin

jill has -- that whole thing. >> jimmy: okay. well, no italian. >> no italian. what else? >> jimmy: do you like sushi in. >> more than kanye loves kanye. >> it makes me bloat. >> jimmy: what about korean? >> ew. no. i don't want to look like that guy who runs korea. what's his name? >> jimmy: kim jong-un? >> yeah. he's fat. i don't want to eat that. >> jimmy: there's a place called your hotel. if you go there and get into bed and go to sleep, there's no calories at all. >> that is an amazing idea. i love that. let's do that. >> no. no. james, i'm not an l.a. ticks on sticks. i need to eat. >> jimmy: guillermo, any ideas? >> here, eat my burrito. >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's nice. >> oh, my god. thank you. i might make sweet love to

later. >> food is not love. come on. let's go. >> yes, it is. i'll never forget you. >> guillermo: i will never forget you, lady. >> watch new episodes of "odd mom out" every monday on bravo. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with dj khaled.

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>> jimmy: christina aguilera is on the way. >> jimmy: our next guest didn't invent snapchat, but he might as well have. he is a master of social media, music producer and cocoa butter king. his new album is called "major key." you can pre-order it starting sunday. they didn't want him to be here, but he is. please say hello to dj khaled. [ applause ] ♪ >> i'm great.

you've been on senate chat talking about your new album. you're going to reveal it. should we do it now? >> any time is always the right time. the key is, it's always that time [ applause ] >> and the more we know, the more the show will continue to be bigger and bigger every day. >> jimmy: that's true. >> first off, a shoutout to all the fans in the building. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i forgot that. i'm sorry. i should have done that. this is a great album cover. >> you know, the album cover is 100% how can i say -- authentic, what i represent. you know what i'm saying, from my spiritual vibes to my beliefs, and that's a certain energy that i keep around me, positivity, at the same time, as a king. >> jimmy: right, as a king. a positive king. >> yeah, a positive king. >> jimmy: a

>> special cloth. >> jimmy: i don't know what you're saying. but i will ask you in a moment, but first i'd like to present -- maybe we should have a drum roll. dj khaled's new album, "major key". beautiful. wow. >> make some noise. [ cheers and applause ] >> let me see this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: there it is. >> do you see the greatness? jimmy, jimmy, do you see the flowers? do you see the light? you know, by the way, this lion, this is not photoshopped. >> jimmy: there was a real lion at your feet? >> a real lion. when i got with my team, epic, we the best, and

to make sure we get a real lion. >> jimmy: did anyone on your team say that's a terrible idea? >> the guy that's in control of the insurance, yes. >> jimmy: he did say that? yeah. >> he definitely said that, but i had to tell them, my fans want to see the real deal. [ applause ] >> and that's the key. everything i do for my music, i wanted the cover to be iconic, but at the same time, a message that's just powerful. you see that? >> jimmy: i see. >> look at my eyes. look at me and the lion, how we looking. >> jimmy: the flowers are beautiful, and in a way you're saying, like, hey, look, he may think he's the king of the jungle, but i'm the king of the jungle. i'm the king of this garden. >> the key is team work make a dream work. you know what i'm saying? [ applause ] >> that's what i feel about when i represent the lion, the lion is so powerful, and i feel like we live in a ju

like i'm in a jungle. and we have to -- the lion protects our home. >> jimmy: really, the lion doesn't actually protect the home. the lion waits until the female lion catches something and then the lion steals it from the female and his own children, in the real jungle? >> you know what i learned about life? everybody has their own perspective of things. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: you have a more positive outlook than i do. >> i look at it totally different. i look at it as, you know yrv, a king. >> jimmy: speaking of a king protecting his cubs. you're about to have a baby, correct? >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: with your fiance. do you know if you're having a boy or a girl? >> a boy, my first child. [ applause ] >> i want to tell my son on the kimmel show, i love you. i got us. you know what i'm saying? that's why i'm in and out her

best music of my life and at the same time, everyday dedicate hard work, passion for my son. i worked my whole life. i always wanted a family. i loved kids, and i finally got the opportunity to have my kid, and my son, i can't wait to see you. >> jimmy: do you think when he comes out -- first of all, will you be snap chatting the birth? >> well, actually, i want to snap choat the whole firth r birth. >> jimmy: what does your fiance say about that? >> the thing is, i'm the king. every queen should support the king. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: yeah. unless -- >> in live -- >> jimmy: unless the queen has her pants off and a baby is coming out of her. >> i'm going to talk to the doctor. as long as everything is going to be smooth, the queen is right and my son is right and it's running smooth with no -- you know, where i can just do my thing, i'm going to snap chat the whole

>> yeah. prepare. i got you. he's a young icon coming out. >> jimmy: do you think the baby will have a beard when he comes out? >> i absolutely think he's going to have a beard. >> jimmy: and will you, as the lion king, will you lift him like -- in the movie. do you raise him to the heavens? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: these are things you to think about. >> absolutely. i talk to him every day. >> jimmy: you do? >> when i rub her belly, i play music for him. >> jimmy: what songs do you play? >> i've been playing a lot of bob marley. >> jimmy: he's going to come out smoking pot. you have to be careful. >> a lot of conscious music, but at the same time i play some jay-z and biggie and different vibes. but the key is that i just want him to be around and surrounded by positive energy. and greatness. we already making this baby room, puttingic

people that i'm inspired by, jay-z, biggie, or obama. >> jimmy: really? >> just greatness. >> jimmy: you met the president, right? how did that happen? what was the scenario there? >> well, you know, when i first met obama, we all at a table, and he walks in, when he walks in, he has his chair. but the minute the man -- i'm going to call him the don. the don, you know what i'm saying, he was like this, and the minute he went like this, somebody pulled his chair, and boom, and then he went like this and the jacket just came off. you know what i'm saying? these are the things i look at. >> jimmy: i should have done that for you when you came out here. i'm sorry about that. >> when i seen that, i was like i expected that -- that royalty. you know what i'm saying? we had cloth talk. >> jimmy: you

>> jimmy: and cloth talk is when you talk about clothes? >> no. special cloth talk is my way of saying the realest talk ever, the holy grail, like this is it. this is 100% it. you know what i'm saying, the cloth, the finest, the greatest, and not everybody can talk cloth. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: i know what you're saying. >> like, i'm special cloth alert on another level. >> jimmy: i know you are. you invented it. you have to be at the top level. >> there's a lot of people out there that talk cloth, basically the icons. >> jimmy: only the icons can talk cloth. >> definitely. >> jimmy: i wish we had another hour and a half, because i feel like we barely scratched the surface. we have much to learn -- >> jimmy. >> jimmy: yes. >> this is going to be the biggest album of the year. >> jimmy: you already have the binge biggest single with drake. >> it's

breaking records, number one on i tunes. then there's a new one with jay za called "i got the keys". more wins more blessings. >> jimmy: cloth talk. >> cloth talk. >> jimmy: dj khaled. "major key" can be pre-ordered starting on sunday. and we'll return with music from christina aguilera. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung.

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank to all my guests, nightline is next, but first, for the next three months the proceeds from the downloads of this song will be donated to the "national compassion fund", to benefit families of victims affected by the shooting in orlando. here with the song, "change," christina aguilera.

♪ when i was young i would look in the mirror didn't know it then but now it couldn't be clearer ♪ ♪ that i remember being filled with such wonder before learnin' that the world can be harsher ♪ ♪ ooh -- mmm -- ♪ ♪ who you love or the color of your skin or the place that you were born and grew up in ♪ ♪ shouldn't decide how you will be treated 'cause we're all the same when everybody's breathing ♪ ♪ waiting for a change to set us free waiting for the day when

♪ and i can be me waiting for hope to come around waiting for the day when ♪ ♪ hate is lost and love is found ♪ ♪ waiting for a change waiting for a change change change ♪ ♪ for all the brave and the souls who went before us stand tall be proud and lift your voices ♪ ♪ let 'em know who we are and our choices and one day we won't have to sing this chorus ♪ ♪ waiting for a change to set us free

waiting for the day when you can be you ♪ ♪ and i can be me waiting for hope to come around waiting for the day ♪ ♪ when hate is lost and love is found waiting for a change waiting for a change ♪ ♪ ooh change hold on change ♪ ♪ when i was young i would look in the mirror didn't see it then but now it couldn't be clearer ♪

tonight the young ex-marine mom in a murder for hire plot. did she have a darker side? plus the mud of controversy around the new noah's arc, the replica rising in kentucky. the debate tonight on the science and on whether tax dollars should be providing for an attraction. >> and ben does it again. so [ bleep ] stupid. >> what sent ben affleck on this rant, and what is he saying about it tonight? >> it's a [ bleep ] ridiculous smear campaign. >> if you take multiple