Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 20, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

11:35 pm
undiscovered territories. all of this according to new research being called a major revision that opens the doors for study. scientist say this could lead to easier, better diagnoses of brain disorders. steve: wednesday, never too early to talk about your beach trip this weekend. the delmarva beaches looking really nice. and yet degrees friday, near 90 friday and saturday. the water rebounding into the middle and upper 70's. in town this weekend, it will get really hot. cooling down just a little bit as we head through the overnight, mainly clear skies, in the 50's -- 60's to the west, upper 70's in the district. satellite and radar is quiet and dry, nothing compared with what we had last night at this time with strong thunderstorms and the awesome lightning display. thanks for sending the pictures. 63 to
11:36 pm
light. sunglasses, you will need them. dress comfortably with the heat indexes in the lower 90's. in the afternoon, 90 to 92. the real heat and humidity comes our way friday with feels like temperatures approaching close to 100 degrees. a little hotter to the west. if that is not hot enough for you, this weekend the heat index values about 105 to 110. downtown d.c., areas with a lot of concrete, the heat index of 112 to 115. likely to see heat advisories if not urban heat warnings this weekend. futurecast, as we move through the day tomorrow, staying dry the modelriday, brings in isolated showers mainly to the north. most of this will fizzle out late day. the real heat and humidity is on tap saturday and sunday, even into monday. highest tomorrow 90 degrees,
11:37 pm
98 to 100 the daytime highs at the tennis courts in northwest. dress comfortably. days, a bona fide heat wave. 95 friday, near 100 monday. 92 next wednesday. alison: you said dress comfortably. how do you possibly dress comfortably? i would love to hear some ideas. .eon: it means leave what did i tell you? robert: i thought we were going to take the l tonight. it looks like bryce harper is back on track. plus, second round action from the citi open.
11:38 pm
11:39 pm
>>
11:40 pm
desk, brought to you by your local toyota dealers. big names have been knocked off at the citi open, but a few big ones are still taking care of business. john isner made it look easy today. we call this quick work. james duckworth with the hustle and the reach for the winner. he advances with straight sets, 6-3, 6-4. what's it like to get close and personal with the pros? another tremendous atmosphere at the citi open, plenty of great action on the court. even better action outside. autograph hunters galore, trying to get their favorite players to sign on the dotted line. >> it feels amazing. i look up to so many of these players. being able to talk to them is part of
11:41 pm
of the best tennis players in the world. andhey are walking around you can ask them questions and stuff. scott: there were plenty of selfies to be had, capturing moments they will remember forever. >> it's really cool. it makes me feel pretty good inside knowing i can see a professional tennis player. scott: even leaving some young fans completely in awe. >> i can't believe they are walking out here with everybody. scott: on the prow for big names. john isner a popular seed to get. >> i'm going to keep trying. scott: a motto to live by for the autograph hunter at the citi open. robert: game two of the nationals-dodgers, bryce harper has gotten off to a slow start since he all-star break.
11:42 pm
harper turns on the fastball, cash deposit. leon, he walked in and said, what's going on? into the third deck, his 20th of the season. they say it is the longest home run to write in nationals history. later, the nationals do it on the base paths. turner comes streaking and from third base, steals home. just the third player in nats history to a compass the feet. nats beat the dodgers 8-1. the o's dropped their fourth straight tonight, losing 5-0 to the angels. leon: just hearing the contact when he hits that ball come you can hear it on the highway. alison: wow. leon: remember the classic game where's waldo? it's coming
11:43 pm
11:44 pm
there it is... this is where i met your grandpa. right under this tree. ♪ (man) some things are worth holding onto. they're hugging the tree. (man) that's why we got a subaru. or was it that tree? (man) the twenty-sixteen subaru outback. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. hey how's it going, hotcakes? hotcakes. this place has hotcakes. so why aren't they selling like hotcakes? with comcast business internet and wifi pro, they could be. just add a customized message to your wifi pro splash page and you'll reach your customers where their eyes are already - on their devices. order up. it's more than just wifi, it can help grow your business. you don't see that every day. introducing wifi pro, wifi áá that helps grow your busine. comcast business. built for business.
11:45 pm
alison: a real-life game of where's waldo -- an indian a construction worker created this eight-foot replica -- an indiana construction worker created this eight-foot replica entities children's hospital. he moves waldo around the construction site daily. the kids get to look out their windows and try to find him. a lot of fun.
11:46 pm
take that, pokemon go.
11:47 pm
11:48 pm
alison: so the heat is returning. your short-sleeved dress shirts, leon and robert. robert: got some scissors? steve: i got the real thing. upper 90's friday and saturday. "good morning washington" will have the latest on the upcoming heat wave. leon: jimmy kimmel live is next. alison: have a good night.
11:49 pm
11:50 pm
five years ago, on any given night, you know, almost 75,000 veterans experienced homelessness. we have reduced those numbers by almost half, but despite the great progress that we have achieved, there are still too many veterans who still need a place to live. this project is a comprehensive rehabilitation of the center's facility here in downtown boston to create permanent supportive housing, transitional housing and service spaces, a facility that really delivers on society's commitment to people who have served in the military. citi® was the natural partner because they were able to come with the resources, both the capital resources and also the human resources, the experts in their field, and without citi's partnership
11:51 pm
bably would not be in construction right now. the goal for us in this project is to be more effective in the services that we provide so that veterans who have committed to put their lives at risk to protect this country have a home in this country. ♪
11:52 pm
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, from "suicide squad," cara delevingne. comedian jeff ross. and music from culture club. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, everybody, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching, thanks for coming. we're in hollywood, more than 20,000 miles away from the republican national convention happening in cleveland. tonight, episode
11:53 pm
featuring all of donald trump's family members and frenemies. ted cruz spoke, eric trump spoke. donald trump jr. said his dad was his best friend, which is sweet and a little sad. i was imagining if my dad was running for president, and i thought about it for a long time. i think my speech could say, my dad taught me, the most important thing, when someone offers you his finger and asks you to pull it, don't. nothing good comes of it. [ laughter ] but he's not going to be president. i will say, one of the things i've been enjoying most about the
11:54 pm
refers to him as donald j. trump, like there's another one running around. but i've thoroughly enjoyed everyone saying it. >> donald j. trump! >> donald j. trump. >> donald j. trump! >> donald j. trump! >> donald j. trump! >> donald j. trump! >> donald j. trump. >> donald j. trump! [ cheers and applause ] . >> jimmy: come here, mom. give me a hug. i don't know. the "j" is a big thing. and a lot of people don't realize, the "j" stands for
11:55 pm
jamal. he left cleveland and went straight to new york after his wife spoke, people think, but chris christie. watch kind of in the background. you will see -- [ laughter ] it just seemed like he wasn't there because that had an orange background, but he was there. i think the most unusual comments were made by former trump rival dr. ben carson. speaking with the authority of a brain surgeon that had performed a lobotomy on himself. saying that lucifer is her top running mate. that's how you feel the bern. but
11:56 pm
than that, dr. carson's warning not to underestimate how damaging four years can be. >> we must be wary of the narrative being advanced by some in our party. the notion that a hillary clinton administration wouldn't be that bad, the effects wouldn't be temporary. you know, that it would only last for four, and at most eight years. they're not using their god-given brain to think about what they're saying. she will be appointing people that will have an effect on us for generations. and america may never recover. >> jimmy: this is what he said in march about donald trump. >> even if he turns out to not be such a good president, which i
11:57 pm
i think he's going to surround himself with good people. but even so, it will only be four years. >> jimmy: people say crazy things when they're talking in their sleep. a good thing they have a doctor there. some members of the convention contracted the norovirus. losing bowel control, basically what happens to chris christie after walking off stage after endorsing trump. you probably know what happened, malaria -- [ laughter ] i mean melania trump being
11:58 pm
from mrs. obama. and then a speechwriter took responsibility, saying melania told her she addmires mrs. obama, and the woman that actually wrote the things melania pretended to write, admitted she pretended to write the things that melania pret pretended to write. but if you had to give a speech in sloveniaish, you would have to write a few paragraphs in english, too. and guillermo is out on
11:59 pm
hollywood boulevard, armed with a barber chair, barber pole. it's hot out there. to cool people off, guillermo is going to give free hair cuts. are you licensed? >> guillermo: not at all, jimmy. >> jimmy: we did this once before, and there were no lawsuits. let's bring in this man, what is your name, sir? [ applause ] i'm sorry, i couldn't hear you. >> tyler. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> michigan. >> jimmy: very good. you seem to have a lot of hair. >> i do. >> jimmy: are you proud of your hair? >> sure. >> jimmy: okay. are you ready to say good-bye to it? >> yes. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living
12:00 am
>> i work in the cannabis industry. >> jimmy: all right. [ applause ] so, we can test that hair afterwards, i guess, huh? >> it will not test clean. >> jimmy: so this is why you agreed to do this. guillermo, what are you doing? >> guillermo: i'm trying to see where i will start. >> jimmy: i want you to take it seriously, and really try to give him a good hair cut. >> guillermo: all right, i'll try by best. >> jimmy: are you ready? >> i'm ready. >> jimmy: guillermo, dig in there. i should ask, how much do you want off the top? maybe we should have asked that first. >> i guess all of it. >> jimmy: oh, boy, guillermo, you went crazy. what number do you have that set on? >> guiller
12:01 am
>> jimmy: that looks good right there. >> guillermo: yeah, it does look good. >> jimmy: you keep doing that, we'll check back in later and see how tyler's hair looks. the republican national convention is a good place to hear people talk politics. but one thing brings me back year after year. and that is, white people dancing. the rnc is the world's premier caucasian amateur dance festival. we put together a fun little highlight reel that says all that needs to be said. ♪ ♪ white people dancing we love to clap and mix it up and snap ♪ ♪ sometimes a black friend will get in on the fun ♪ ♪
12:02 am
>> jimmy: yeah, it's good stuff. guillermo, let's see. oh, wow. you know what, it actually looks pretty good. i have to say. okay, on closer inspection, it does not look that good. yeah. all right. well, have you seen it yet? have you seen what has happened? >> not yet, but i don't have high hopes. >> jimmy: guillermo -- take a look. >> guillermo: perfect, huh? >> jimmy: it's a little bit uneven. >> guillermo: all right, let me fix it. >> jimmy: i think we have some crazy glue here. we can put some of that back on. finish up, and we can get somebody else. sorry about that, just think about all the money you'll save on shampoo. we'll take a break.
12:03 am
ross, the roast master general to walk around our office and roast members of the staff when they were working. we'll do that, and we'll also give out another hair cut. stick around, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey there. hi, i'm looking for a deal on an iphone... ...i was thinking, something ong these lines. oh, okay. well, how about this? here's my answer. is this you with a dinosaur body? it's just me with happy hands... it just means i'll take it. right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line.
12:04 am
and these are the lungs. (boy) sorry. (dad) don't worry about it. (vo) at our house, we need things that are built to last. that's why we got a subaru. (avo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. now you can't spell nutriam i right?t nut,
12:05 am
pronounced nu-triton, anyway? my mixes contain delicious nuts, specially blended for your optimal nut-rition. that's right, i just changed a word in the english dictionary, forever. planters. nutrition starts with nut. ♪
12:06 am
♪ ♪ starbucks® small-batch cold brew coffee. in stores now.
12:07 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. let's go back out to hollywood boulevard, oh, no. now, this is a bad idea. what is your
12:08 am
>> my name is grace. >> jimmy: did you see the last guy's hair cut? >> yeah. >> jimmy: guillermo, you can't do this. i don't know, guillermo -- have you ever cut a woman's hair before? >> guillermo: no, never. >> jimmy: okay. i think it would be better if cara delevingne takes over. have you ever cut someone's hair before? >> no. >> jimmy: okay. do you think you will do a better job than guillermo did? >> no. >> jimmy: looking at this young lady, do you have any ideas of how you might approach this? >> i thought i could close my eyes. >> jimmy: you could lose an e eyebr eyebrow. tell me about yourself. >> i'm from florida, and i love
12:09 am
stepping out of my comfort zone. >> jimmy: yeah, maybe you'll go into a manhole after this. do you really love stepping out of your comfort zone? >> yeah, that's why i'm doing this. >> jimmy: and do you trust cara to give you a good hair cut? >> yes. >> jimmy: let's get started. >> it's this way, right? >> jimmy: no -- that's, oh, wow. okay. we're going -- and, yeah, that's a good look there. oh, wow. >> i think i'm quitting my day job. this is my thing, now. >> jimmy: well, yeah, i guess so. i feel like there are going to be tears at the end. we'll come back to you guys. don't rush, take your time with that, okay? >> oh, i will. >> jimmy: all right. d
12:10 am
well. jeff, from the roasts on comedy central. he has a new show jeff ross presents roast battle. his gift is making fun of people. i challenged him to go around our office and roast unsuspecting staff members. and here it is, jeff ross roasts our office. >> the roast master general. i want to get in full roast mode for roast battle. so i thought i'd try to roast people around the office at "jimmy kimmel live." hey, guys. what's going on, fellas? tupac's cousin, chicken pac. and steven seagal if he let himself go. guillermo. can i
12:11 am
wow, it's like trump built a wall around just you. is this your fortress of siestatude? [ laughter ] where's jimmy's office? >> down here. >> what's your job? >> research. >> jimmy, this guy is watching james corden. how you doing? it's all working out for you. >> jimmy: everything is good here. >> can i take a look around? >> jimmy: yeah, what do you think? >> is this the window you jump out of when the ratings come in? oh, look, this is great. who's over here? >> jimmy: that's josh. >> oh, look, a j
12:12 am
writer. who would have guessed it? >> jimmy: how do you know he's jewish? >> i looked at him. >> jimmy: leave him alone. >> this is the producer of my segment. who is your decorator, al qaida? ken, thank you for being my producer, even though you're dressed as a limo driver. what do you do? >> casting. >> wow. you look like amy winehouse, if she went to rehab. what do you do? wow, i found a pokemon. it's great,
12:13 am
dinklage before. where do you shop? bad will? this is great, i've never been on "hoarders" before. wow, this is amazing. look at this office. is this where the rams are supposed to play? any way, want to [ bleep ] on a desk? i love the way your boobs bounce up and down when you laugh. no, i'm talking to sal. i like your shirt. i didn't realize you worked as a pharmacist during the day. >> you went too far. >> stop! stop! >> say uncle! say
12:14 am
say something! >> no! [ bleep ]! that's my best hat. stop! you need to be able to take a joke in this world, people. never roast people unless they volunteer. >> jimmy: thank you, jeff. let's check back in with cara and guillermo. oh, wow. you know what, it looks pretty -- oh, wow. are you going to keep it like that? before and after is quite a sight. >> oh, yeah. i love it. >> jimmy: well, i believe cara would accept a tip if you have any money in your purse. that looks beautiful. great job, cara. and we have a special something for you, just in case you don't like it.
12:15 am
tonight, peter tickell is with us on the violin. we have music from culture club, jeffrey ross is here, and we'll be right back with cara delevingne. so, stick around. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] which one of theseing awards appeals most to you? the top safety pick midsize car and suv. most dependable. means a lot to me. the green car because i like fuel efficiency. what if there was a car company that received all of these awards. one company won an award in all these? chevy. ahhhh! chevy. chevrolet is the most awarded car company of the last two years. i love it! it's fierce. how would you sum this car up in one word? incredible. amazing. i can't use one word.
12:16 am
sorry... sorry... regerts? sorry, i was eating a milky way. ♪ auto insurance?
12:17 am
what's squuuuack, let's feed him let's feto the sharks!sharks! yay! and take all of his gold! and take all of his gold! ya! and hide it from the crew! ya...? squuuuack, they're all morons anyway! i never said that. they all smell bad too. no! you all smell wonderful! i smell bad! if you're a parrot, you repeat things. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico.
12:18 am
squuuuack, it's what you do.
12:19 am
12:20 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: there we go. that's peter tickell sitting in with the cletones on violin. he's on tour with sting and peter gabriel. we saw the show on sunday night. we said, we have to get this guy on the show, so thanks for coming. you do you like better, sting or peter gabriel? >> i can't really comment on that. >> jimmy: but you have somebody in mind? >> i like them both equally. >> jimmy: tonight, he's got a new show called "jeff ross presents roast battle" premiering next thursday night on comedy cent
12:21 am
here. then, all the way from london, they are on their first world tour in more than 15 years, culture club from the samsung outdoor stage. because we missed them blind. tomorrow, viggo mortensen will be here, george lopez will join us, and we'll hear music from colin hay, and our friend jake byrd crashed the republican national convention. we will have the results of that for you. our first guest tonight is a model-turned-actress with 31 million followers on instagram, and magic powers you will not believe. she stars alongside will smith, jared leto, and margot robbie in "suicide squad." on more -- march 5th. ♪ >> meet the enchantress. everything we know about her is in your briefing packs. she
12:22 am
long time. >> this meeting is now a magic show? >> magic show or not, she can do some incredible things. go get it, girl. >> jimmy: please say hello to cara delevingne! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: great to see you. i always forget about the european thing with the two kisses. >> here we go. >> jimmy: you really seemed to have a zeal for that hair cut. >> it just glided through. >> jimmy: did you decide to give her the pigtails on the side?
12:23 am
front, but guillermo screwed it up. >> jimmy: he is unlicensed. it's very good to see you. >> i'm not, clearly. >> jimmy: i know you have a number of tattoos. i wanted to ask you about one in particular. this really attracted me, i will admit it. put that up on the screen. that's on the bottom of your foot, that's real, right? [ applause ] does this refer to the bacon we have for breakfast, or francis bacon? or something? >> any bacon is good. it's maroon as well, bacon-colored, it's an open-ended statement. however you want to take it. it's also scratch and sniff. >> jimmy: really? your feet smell like bacon. and i'm guessing, based on
12:24 am
tattoo, you're not jewish. >> i'm trying to become a vegetarian. >> jimmy: are you? >> maybe i'll make it veggie bacon. >> jimmy: i like regular bacon, from the pig. yeah. well -- from the old pig. yeah. how do you like it cooked, crispy, medium? >> crispy. sometimes raw, if i want to lose some weight. back in my modeling days -- >> jimmy: i saw "suicide squad" last night. i saw it before you -- oh, you haven't seen it yet? the next question, you won't have an answer for it. but i was thinking, how awesome would it be to see yourself on a screen with that, with powers and doing incredible things? i don't know that i would ever stop watching it.
12:25 am
it's got to be really exciting. >> it's really weird. >> jimmy: did you know anybody in the cast before shooting? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: but nobody really close. do you feel like you're an actual unit in any way? >> 100%. we have a text thread called "suicide squad" for life, and we talk basically every day. >> jimmy: is will smith on this text thread with you? >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: he is. wow. seems like he'd be too busy for that. >> he makes time for the squad life. >> jimmy: i saw a video of you on i think your instagram. you're doing an amazing thing. put this up. here we go. this is a water bottle you put on your head, and you can get up. >> i look possessed. this is why i got the part in "suicide squad." >> jimmy: this is her
12:26 am
superpower, getting up and standing. >> how many necks do i have? >> jimmy: without dropping the bottle. how did you develop this skill? >> this is an evian bottle, by the way. at the end of the shoot, i was like, how can i get some attention? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i really feel like i could do it. >> i want to challenge you. >> jimmy: so we have these bottles. you may need to coach me through it. >> let's do it together. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> if i do this in heels and a dress, you have to shake my hand. >> jimmy: all right. i get on the ground. >> no, no, no. you have to go down and come back again. >> jimmy: i thought you started on the ground. okay. >> you're way to
12:27 am
>> jimmy: i don't know where you are. >> i don't know where you are either. >> jimmy: all right. i've still got it on. [ laughter ] all right. i'm already down on the ground. now, have to get back up. which, it's already starting to wobble. [ cheers and applause ] it's -- i still have it on. i still -- i haven't dropped it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] wow. wow. i did it! nicely done. cara delevingne, everyone. "suicide squad," august 5th in imax. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:28 am
starbucks® cold brew coffee. available in original black. and now with house-made vanilla sweet cream. smooth meets sweet. in stores now. only at starbucks. ahhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhh! what are we "ahhhing' about!? my money, it's gone! that's just bad security you know... i know, the new pcs are so secure, you can use your face as your password. and yet here you are, in a truck full of money with no money. you know about it. now do something about it. upgrade to a new pc.
12:29 am
♪ they call you short stack. half pint. lil' bit. small fry. nobody even knows your name... but that's about to change. time to shine. orbit. ♪ ♪ ♪ the new 2017 ford fusion is here. it's the beauty of a well-made choice. ♪
12:30 am
time is the most valuable thing there is. [cuckoo cuckoo] people try to beat time... [scream] ...but time always wins. our greatest fear is running out of time. there's a bomb in the salsa can! we gotta get out of here! my phone's still charging! so if time is the most valuable thing there is, why would you waste more than you have to charging your phone? why would you waste more than you have to charging your phone? [explosion] [explosion] ahhhhhhhh! the galaxy s7 edge, with fast wireless charging and our longest lasting battery. and they're off! well, that took a turn. what's the speed limit in here? dad!
12:31 am
they'll figure it out, eventually. ♪ flo: [ ghost voice ] oooo! [ laughs ] jaaaaamie, the name your price tool can show you coverage options to fit your budget. tell me something i don't know -- oh-- ohhh! ahh! this is probably more of a breakroom activity. ya think? ♪ ♪
12:32 am
just checking my free credit score at credit karma. what the??? you're welcome. i just helped you dodge a bullet. but i was just checking my... shhh... don't you know that checking your credit score lowers it! just be cool. actually, checking your credit score with credit karma doesn't affect it at all. are you sure? positive. so i guess i can just check my credit score then?
12:33 am
oooh "check out credit karma today. credit karma. give yourself some credit." sorry about that. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello, everyone, welcome to the show. our friends at i can't believe it's not butter have created a revolutionary new toaster, that's right, a toaster that will have you saying "i can't believe it's a toaster!" but don't take my word for it. watch this humorous sketch.
12:34 am
♪ >> guillermo: ay, ay, ay. oh! what? how? >> can't you read it? this is fabio's toaster. >> guillermo: i'm sorry. are you mad at me? >> no. >> guillermo: so, what is your favorite toast. i like white. wheat is okay. i don't like rye. >> isn't my toast handsome? >> guillermo: very handsome, just like you. can i use your toaster just once? >> no, but fabio will feed you just once. >> guillermo: can you put some
12:35 am
fabulous i can't believe it's not butter on it? >> i don't know any other way. ♪ >> guillermo: fabio. fabio. >> what are you doing? >> guillermo: fabio was here and he was feeding me toast. >> maybe you should take the rest of the day off. >> guillermo: you're still handsome. >> for more, visit us at icantbelieveitsnotbutter.com. >> jimmy: we'll be back with jeff ross!
12:36 am
and they're off! well, that took a turn. what's the speed limit in here?
12:37 am
should we tell them there are more? they'll figure it out, eventually. ...one hair color wants to to help you keep on being you.. nice'n easy. we only make the most real natural looking color. so even in revealing sunlight, it doesn't look like hair color at all. it looks like, it's a hundred percent you. and isn't that the most beautiful part? nice'n easy: color as real as you are.

145 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on