Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 20, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EST

11:35 pm
[ snoring ] >> jimmy: kevin, wake up. >> yeah? >> jimmy: it's jimmy. i have some bad news. >> no, no. >> jimmy: you didn't get nominated for "paul blart, mall cop." >> no. >> jimmy: it's okay. >> this was going to be my shot. >> jimmy: i know, i know. >> there's never going to be another "paul blart, mall cop." >> jimmy: i thought there was going to be a "paul blart mall cop 2."
11:36 pm
>> jimmy: i'm sorry. you know how the academy is with comedies. john travolta didn't get nominated for "old dogs." >> i don't care, i don't care. >> jimmy: it will be all right. go back to sleep. okay? i'm gonna go back in the cabinet now. >> jimmy? >> jimmy: yeah? >> thanks. >> jimmy: you're welcome, buddy. >> this is so unexpected! >> announcer: from hollywood, it's the fifth annual jimmy kimmel live after the academy awards." tonight, robert downey jr. >> it's good to be back! >> academy award winner christoph walts. music from keith urban. the first-ever meeting of the handsome men's club. >> jimmy: gentlemen, i am handsome. >> not. >> not. >> not. >> not.
11:37 pm
>> dicky: with ben affleck, jennifer garner, matthew mcconaughey, sting, patrick dempsey, lenny craf vits, and many, many more. and now -- lights, camera, action -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. i'm jimmy kimmel. thank you for staying up for hour 48 of oscar coverage. [ cheers and applause ] let me ask you, who's ready to get avatar'd in here tonight? [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i'd like to thank the academy, "police academy," specifically "police academy 3." the 82nd annual ad
11:38 pm
their limousines. they're on their way to parties, after-parties and ultimately "celebrity rehab" with dr. drew. the oscar is the most coveted award in entertainment. there's no question about it. they can say whatever they want but the oscar, not only is it a beautiful trophy and a physical representation of the fact that an actor or filmmaker has risen to the pinnacle of his or her profession, if you screw off the bottom there's a toothbrush in there. [ laughter ] people really want one. more than 1 million people tuned in to watch the academy awards tonight. maybe even more, who knows? you know, i think americans can relate more to actors this year because -- well, this year, most americans, like most actors, are unemployed. [ laughter ] you know who really hated the oscars this year? the kids from "slumdog millionaire." it was the last time they ate. [ audience groaning ] too soon? is it too soon? i want t
11:39 pm
woman -- [ cheers and applause ] first female woman ever to win best director and also the first woman ever to beat her ex-husband in front of 1 billion people on television. [ cheers and applause ] she directed "the hurt locker." "the hurt locker's" the shoe store where they're all dressed like referees, right? [ laughter ] "the hurt locker" was a small but powerful movie about a bomb squad in iraq. people are calling it the most realistic movie ever made about the iraq war. it's so realistic president bush actually lied to get into it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] he went to the theater. he told the girl at the box office he was 65 or something. most people know kathryn bigelow used to be married to jim cameron who directed "avatar." which under california law means even if he had won the oscar, she'd still get it. [ laughter ] a married couple won for best film editing tonight. here's a bit of oscar trivia for you. there have been three married couples who won for best original screenplay.
11:40 pm
murial and sydney box for the seventh veil. earl and pamela wallace for "witness." and ben affleck and matt damon for "good will hunting." [ laughter ] that's true. [ applause ] who won the best actress, sandra bullock and jeff bridges best actor. no surprises in the best supporting category, either cristoph waltz who will be on our show later tonight won for "ingloriourious basterds." and mo'nique won for "precious" which was expected. before the oscars, barbara walters sat down for an interview with mo'nique. it turns out the real reason -- the reason mo'nique has an apostrophe in the middle of her name? it's short for "more nique." [ laughter ] barbara said tonight's show was her last academy awards special and here's why. >> okay, now, you do not believe in shaving your legs. >> no, ma'am. >> why not? >> if you have seen my legs, barbara, now, i'm 42, and i'm very harry. hairy.
11:41 pm
>> jimmy: yes, you are. [ laughter ] let me tell you that -- that is the -- that's the fur peta should be protesting on the red carpet. forget the chinchillas, we got a chewbacca on our hands. [ laughter ] you know what mo'nique could use? she could use some mo-neet. [ laughter ] if her legs ever married martin scorsese's eyebrows, look out. this year, the mandate for the oscar producers was to bring in more young viewers. to do it, they asked taylor lautner and kristen stewart of "twilight" to present. miley cyrus was there. what they really need to do is hip up that in memoriam montage with some people who are still alive. it's like all dead people. [ laughter ] steve martin and alec baldwin did a very nice job hosting the show. everything went well. the only negative all day really was that it rained during the red carpet interviews. poor ryan seacrest. his feet right now are oranger
11:42 pm
than snooki's face. because he wears a lot of that crop on his -- [ laughter ] we're clear? okay, good. you know it doesn't rain a lot here in l.a. but i guess somebody forgot to call oprah or something because it did today which was a big bummer for the actresses in their fancy dresses but very good news for our unintentional joke of the day. >> the rain is really coming down. >> it's a special effect. we actually asked for that fountain behind us. we're getting splattered from behind. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, i can't imagine what that must be like. we got a lot of good stuff for you tonight. the academy awards are -- they're a great way to recognize the accomplishments of our many talented professional actors. this year, the academy did a great thing. they also honored the nonprofessionals. not every actor is in the movies. here tonight, the academy award for best actor in real life. >> we're here to present the award for best actor in real life.
11:43 pm
and the nominees are -- >> was this a hoax and will you talk to the police today? >> absolutely no hoax. >> richard heene. >> the baby of miss hunter is your baby. true? >> not true. not true. >> john edwards. >> you know, i always thought i was doing the right thing. >> jay leno. >> elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. >> and tiger woods. >> and the oscar goes to -- john edwards. >> i would welcome participating in a paternity test, be happy to participate in one. i know that it's not possible that t
11:44 pm
>> accepting on behalf of john edwards is t-pang. >> as always, i want to thank the haters. >> jimmy: you know, you never forget the haters. we have a lot of things to get to today. robert downey jr. is here. keith urban is with us. academy award winner christoph waltz. be right back with the most beautiful gathering of men you could even imagine. the handsome men's club. so please stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i happen to have one of best bodies here. >> he's wearing spanx! >> jimmy: no, i'm not. >> oh, yeah? what's this?
11:45 pm
so sorry, excuse me. just get through here, sorry. oh, wow, quite a turnout. tami. marcus. okay, ahem! other unlimited data plans haven't lived up to the name. but today, unlimited gets the network it deserves. and so do you. verizon. (cheering and applause) (mic thuds, feedback) (man) you the man! uh, sorry... you need more information. it's unlimited the verizon way, without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. (mic thuds) uh, s-s... sorry, last thing. it's just $45 per line. hd video included. forty. five. (thud) (man) all right! (cheering and applause) and that is all the microphones that i have. (vo) not just unlimited. verizon unlimited. 4 lines, just $45 per line. wow, how am i gonna get this home?
11:46 pm
♪ ♪ [beeping] ♪ the 2017 rav4 with toyota safety sense, standard. toyota. let's go places. customer service!d. ma'am. this isn't a computer... wait. you're real? with discover card, you can talk to a real person in the u.s., like me, anytime. wow. this is a recording. really? no, i'm kidding. 100% u.s.-based customer service. here to help, not to sell. only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. they release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. tylenol®
11:47 pm
and this is they like lobster party.y, red lobster's lobsterfest is back with 9 irresistible lobster dishes. yeah, it's a lot. try tender lobster lover's dream and see how sweet a lobster dream can be. or pick two delicious lobster tails with new lobster mix and match. the only thing more tempting than one succulent lobster tail, is two. is your mouth watering yet? good. because there's something for everyone, and everyone's invited. so come in today.
11:48 pm
11:49 pm
>> jimmy: we're live on television. this is hollywood's biggest and fattest night. what a show we have for you. with the first ever look at his new movie trailer for "iron man 2," robert downey jr. is here. [ cheers and applause ] we've got some great questions from the audience for him as well. also tonight, a gentlemen who i think gave the best performance of the year in any category. he played colonel hans in "inglourious basterds." tonight he won the oscar for best supporting agenter, christoph waltz. and later on, this is his latest cd, it's called "defying gravity." keith urban.
11:50 pm
from the bud light golden stage. on a night like tonight, beauty not only is on display, it's analyzed, evaluated, experts are 9 in to determine who wore it best, lists are made to decide who is hot and not hot. that's why i'm happy to be part of an organization that supports beautiful people like myself. >> wow. you're handsome. you're perfect. you're incredible. you are one good-looking son of a bitch. good job, mom. amazing. holy [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: okay. the meeting of the handsome men's club will now come to order. first order of business is with patrick. how much we raise at the car wash? >> $75 million. >> jimmy: really? great. that is great. >> i know. >> jimmy: gilles, good call on making it topless.
11:51 pm
>> jimmy: where are we on handsome for the homeless? >> clooney's on it. >> jimmy: of course clooney's on it. sting, mirrors down. >> oh, i'm sorry, jimmy. i got lost in my own eyes. >> jimmy: okay, new applicants. we have the kids from "twilight." taylor lautner and robert pattinson. show of handsome. all in favor? >> handsome. >> handsome. >> jimmy: all opposed? >> i don't know, i don't see handsome yet. i'm going to overrule this one. not handsome. cute. >> what's wrong with cute? >> jimmy: there's a quota. and you filled it. >> the best. >> jimmy: oh, right, yeah, liev schreib schreiber. show of handsome. >> wait a minute, i can't see.
11:52 pm
down? you know, ted, maybe if you could be here in person instead of chatting online we wouldn't have to do this. >> quiet, kimmel. i'm evaluating handsomeness. all right, i'm ready. >> jimmy: thank you. all right, show of handsome. >> handsome. >> handsome. >> jimmy: all opposed? i don't know, his facial hair is kind of reddish. >> what? >> jimmy: overruled. >> why are we even voting on this crap? >> jimmy: any old business? >> no old business. >> excuse me, i never got a response to my request to legally change my name. >> jimmy: change it to what? >> handsome hawke. >> jimmy: approved. >> i'm handsome hawke. >> jimmy: okay, any new business? >> yeah, i'd like to make a motion. >> jimmy: matthew has the floor. >> i move we vote for a new president. >> jimmy: motion denied!
11:53 pm
>> how is the motion denied? >> jimmy: because we have the best president in the world, me. >> maybe you shouldn't be president. that's why i made the motion. maybe you shouldn't even be in the club, jimmy. >> jimmy: pardon me? >> i think he's saying we all had to get voted into this club and you didn't. >> jimmy: he's just saying? you don't know what he's saying. that is not what he was saying. >> no, that is what i was saying. >> why don't we have a vote on whether or not you're handsome? >> wow. >> i second that. >> jimmy: there was a vote. america voted. maybe you've heard of a little magazine called "people's" sexiest man alive? >> well aware of that. >> jimmy: in which i happen to have a three-page spread. >> that was clearly a joke. >> jimmy: you're a joke. >> you're a joke. >> jimmy: no, you're a joke. >> at least i'm a funny joke. >> jimmy: this is why i didn't want foreigners in the club. >> exactly, kimmel, you are not handsome. >> are you nuts? >> jimmy: thank you, john. i am handsome.
11:54 pm
i happen to have one of the best bodies here. >> you do? >> jimmy: yeah, i do. >> he's wearing spanx. >> jimmy: no, i'm not. >> oh, yeah? what's this? spanx. [ bleep ] spanx. >> jimmy: those are my superhero tights. i fight crime in them. now you know my secret identity and now your lives are all in danger, so good job. good luck staying alive. >> you're fat. >> jimmy: you're fat. i'm handsome. i'm a lot more handsome than a lot of you. look at romo. look at the size of his ears. right? can't even get his hat on frontways ever. >> burn. >> jimmy: because his ears are so big. look at keith. keith has lady hair. >> oh, come on. >> jim
11:55 pm
ask anyone. t.d. show them our thing. come here. look at this. tay's handsome, right? we look exactly alike. exactly. >> not exactly. >> jimmy: exactly. all right, go back to your seat. >> hey, nobody in this room, besides you, thinks that you're handsome. >> i think you're damn handsome. >> jimmy: thank you, lenny kravitz. ♪ >> come on, lenny. >> jimmy: see that? i think what lenny's trying to say is handsome doesn't come from here. handsome comes from here. yeah, i have flaws. ♪ i have flaws >> jimmy: maybe my eyes are too piercing. ♪ my eyes are too piercing >> jimmy: maybe my skin's too soft and smooth. ♪ my skin's too soft >> jimmy: maybe i have the breasts of a 14-year-old girl. ♪ the supple breasts of a 14-year-old girl yeah ♪
11:56 pm
>> jimmy: doesn't mean anything. what's important is i'm handsome with inside. ♪ from the inside >> jimmy: that's what matters. physical beauty fades. ♪ beauty fades >> jimmy: look at sting. ♪ look at sting >> jimmy: i believe that children are our future. ♪ i believe that children >> jimmy: lenny, please, i'm trying to talk here. could you give it a rest? >> i had your back. punk-ass bitch. >> jimmy: i know, but enough. gentlemen, i am handsome. i'm damn proud to be president of the handsome men's club -- now and forever. >> oh, show of handsome. ♪
11:57 pm
>> jimmy: ben? say something. >> show of not. not. >> not. >> not. >> not. >> jimmy: that's how it is, huh? fine. i'll leave. with my head held handsome. and these pizzas. >> don't, don't. >> jimmy: you know, before i go though, i want to leave you gentlemen with a parting thought from my favorite book, "self matters" by dr. phillip mcgraw. dr. phil teaches us when --
11:58 pm
of time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! handsome! >> jimmy: wake up, wake up. >> what, what's wrong? >> jimmy: i had a nightmare. we were in a club together and, um, matthew mcconaughey was there and he was really, really mean to me and you said i wasn't handsome. >> come on. you know i think you're handsome. you're my handsome. you're my most handsome. you're my big handsome. big daddy handsome. >> ben, it's enough, it's getting weird. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
11:59 pm
♪ ♪ he's got the breasts of a 14-year-old girl ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with robert downey jr. wow. they got a mac jr? a big mac? and a grand mac? man, there's a big mac for every move. we talking about the left right left crossover what?! we got a big mac for that! and we talking about 30 feet nothing but net. splash! we definitely got a big mac for that! to the hoop star. alley-oop. watch your head. ohhhh! there's a big mac for that! juicy, cheesy, iconic big mac. now in three sizes. i want to see what you got. all the way up. get that out of here, boy.
12:00 am
♪ what? you know that's not yourz line, right? did you know that h&r block will file your 1040ez for free? ahh...yeah. the line is,"rome." and my jobs done here. ok. thank you. don't just get your taxes done. get your taxes won. ♪ ♪ ♪ lease a 2017 lincoln mkx for $369 a month. only at your lincoln dealer. ♪ ♪ ♪
12:01 am
12:02 am
oh, how waso good!en house? look. 800 square feet, 1 bedroom, hardwood floors, 15 minute ride to work. dude! dude! i know! your credit score must be amazing. my credit score? how do i check? credit karma. it's free. that's great! that's super easy. um hm. that's a credit score. just whip bam boom, it's done. check out credit karma today. credit karma. give yourself some credit. eyes over there, dude. this apartment's hers. mine... thank you.
12:03 am
[ alarm weather.eping ] ♪ [ laughter ] cartoons. wait for it. [ cat screech ] [ laughter ] ♪ [ screaming ] [ laughter ] make everyday awesome with the power of xfinity x1...
12:04 am
and the fastest internet. [ girl screaming ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. well, we're back. christoph waltz and keith urban are on the way. our first guest tonight is a terrific actor. he's a two-time oscar nominee for the movies "chaplain" and tropic thunder." now he's a two-time superhero. on may 7, you can see him beat and saving mickey rourke, gwyneth paltrow in "iron man 2." please welcome robert downey jr.
12:05 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ welcome. thank you for coming. very tony stark of you entering like that. did you come here straight from the governor's ball? >> we went to the hotel. had a cheeseburger, then came over here. >> jimmy: i like that. you have anything on it? bacon, anything, just cheese? >> i asked for cheese, it didn't come. what am i going to bitch about? my life is great. no cheese. >> jimmy: we all have our disappointments. some of our crosses are harder to bear. i will say. but cheese is a bad one. that's a tough one. thank you for coming. it's great to have you here.
12:06 am
club. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i did invite you. >> that's [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: you -- you're very handsome, don't let anyone tell you any different. >> they don't, they don't. >> jimmy: you -- what did you present, which category? >> best original screenplay. >> jimmy: if you disagree with the decision the academy made, do you have to give the award out? [ laughter ] >> you mean like -- you think i'm just calling audibles? >> jimmy: i don't know what the rules are. i'm not allowed over there. >> i would say -- no, i do -- i try to have some fun and then i read the names. >> jimmy: did you see "the hurt locker"? >> i very much saw it. >> jimmy: did you like it? >> yeah, it was great. >> jimmy: was there a movie you were hoping would win that won? >> "sherlock holmes" probably. >> jimmy: "sherlock holmes." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yeah, you're in that one, right? of all the --
12:07 am
very important question to ask you. what's your favorite color? [ cheers and applause ] the audience wanted to know. >> they want to know? >> jimmy: yeah, they picked one question and they said that's the one. >> tonight it would be this kind of powdery-teal blue i guess. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the sunglasses to match. >> then i made that part of the bit with your gals. thank you for everything. >> jimmy: everything? it was my pleasure, really. >> cool. >> jimmy: if you ever want to be in the handsome men's club, i know some people that work there. [ laughter ] of all the movies you've done, you've done a lot of movies, which one was the most fun to make? >> let me think. a lot of them are -- have been a blast. probably for pure cathartic value after doing "iron man" i was in the jungle playing a narcissistic actor who thinks he can play an african-american called "tropic thunder." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was fantastic. i still can't believe you did that.
12:08 am
you had to think, this could go terribly wrong. you don't wear blackface in america unless your face is actually black to start with. >> that's right. and almost all my black friends still talk to me. >> jimmy: they do? >> yes. >> jimmy: any particulars that have actually dropped out? >> actually, everyone was cool with it, i'm just so damn good that i actually didn't offend anybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think you might be right. the first "iron man," the original, did so well that marvel comics afterwards bought you a bentley, true? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's pretty great. just to start with. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they surprised you with it? >> yeah. what did i get tonight? harry winston gave me this lovely watch, or to you, six months' salary. [ laughter ] [ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: wow. who's harry winston, your boyfriend? [ laughter ] >> you always got to say something kind of mean, don't you? >> jimmy: i'm sorry.
12:09 am
>> jimmy: you got that? >> harry winston is a premier jeweler. >> jimmy: so i've heard on television. right up there with -- >> i used to walk by when i was stealing sweaters at lord & taylor. >> jimmy: that right? [ laughter ] >> and look at me now! >> jimmy: it's really all worked out for you. [ cheers and applause ] mickey rourke played your nemesis whiplash in -- well not yours, but iron man's. >> iron man's nemesis. it's all right to call me iron man. >> jimmy: you actually offered him the role in the film, true? is that true? >> well, actually jon favreau, our illustrious director, was talking to mickey and then we were doing something, some roundtable thing for maybe "newsweek." i forget, doing some thing. i said, it would be great if you did our movie. you're not supposed to do that. it's not appropriate to be in a press setting and talk to somebody about a deal. you want to make it de classe, which i guess is why i did it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it must have worke
12:10 am
did jon know you were making that offer? >> yeah, i wouldn't just offer the movie to somebody without talking to the director. >> jimmy: i didn't know. who knows what goes on. >> oom sure i wouldn't. >> jimmy: having mickey there is really a buffer because you are not the most unpredictable actor on the set when mickey rourke is around. >> he's something else. it was actually really -- it reminded me of some of the things that i don't think to do so much anymore like get really worked up when i'm doing something or -- you know, like real methody stuff. >> jimmy: really? >> that works. >> jimmy: what kind of stuff did he do? >> well, like, you know, he would have john off camera like holding pictures of recently deceased pets or family members. like serious stuff. >> jimmy: to make himself sad? >> what? yeah. >> jimmy: what? really. >> go tight on him laughing about that and see how that pans out. [ laughter ] next time he sees mickey. go in tight, just yuck it up, make a big joke, right? >> jimmy: i'll pretend i ner
12:11 am
but i love that he looks at pinch pictures of dead fluffy. >> he'll just do those things at work. it reminded me of -- it wasn't there, that i recall, but like seeing -- imagining how scorsese and de niro worked. like just that real old school '70s method stuff. >> jimmy: we have the trailer. it's the first time it's ever been seen. well, i've seen it. it's fantastic. >> oh, great. >> jimmy: we should show to it the audience too. here it is. it comes out on may 7th. robert downey jr. "iron man 2." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> oh, it's good to be back. >> front and center. >> i'm sorry, he's very eccentric. >> i want one. >> no. >> if you could make god bleed,
12:12 am
people will cease to believe in him. there will be blood in the water. then the sharks will come. all i have to do is sit here and watch. as the world will consume you. >> our priority is to get the iron man weapon turned over to the united states of america. >> i am iron man. the suit and i are one. >> contrary to popular belief, i know exactly what i'm doing. >> when i saw you do the tony stark on that track, wow. you need my resources. i want to make iron man look like an antique. >> this whole lone gunslinger act's unnecessary.
12:13 am
♪ >> i hope you're ready. >> come on! ♪ ♪ >> mr. stark displays textbook narcissism? agreed. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: "iron man 2." awesome. it opens may 7th. robert downey jr. we'll be right back with christoph waltz. thank you very much.
12:14 am
the world is full of surprising moments. they're everywhere. and as a marriot rewards member, i can embrace them all. the new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. so no matter where you go, you are here. join or link accounts at members.marriott.com.
12:15 am
♪i'm mor♪made of shrimpch ♪i believe in myself ♪i'm not afraid ♪i'm not a wimp ♪to be like you ♪mail boy ♪dressed like you ♪mail boy ♪and one day i know i'll become ♪mailshrimp ♪mailshrimp ♪mailshrimp ♪mailshrimp hthere's not much time left toy footlonggrab any footlongn! on the menu for just six dollars. so, bring your appetite and just six dollars. because the six dollar subway footlong fest ends february 28th. mom so how long has this been going on? this thang? [ laughter ]
12:16 am
est reviewed thriller of the year. something is weird. it's the people. with 100% on rotten tomatoes. something wrong? i can't move. [ gun cocking ] why can't i move? [ suspenseful music] you've been chosen. ahhh! [ whispers ] get out. get out. get out. [ bones crushing ] get out. rated r. when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis.
12:17 am
f infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur. now's your chance at completely clear skin. just ask your doctor about taltz. (vo)have to happen?idn't now's your chance at completely clear skin. i didn't see it. (vo) what if we could go back? what if our car... could stop itself? in iihs front-end crash prevention testing, nobody beats the subaru impreza. not toyota. not honda. not ford. the all-new subaru impreza. more than a car, it's a subaru. it's just right if you want to start smaller. big mac...
12:18 am
the delicious mac jr, the big mac with a single patty and no middle bun. now available for a limited time only.
12:19 am
>> jimmy: hi, we're back. keith urban. about 3 hours and 8 minutes ago, christoph waltz won the oscar. best supporting act are fore"inglourious basterious bau"
12:20 am
tonight i thought it would be interesting and educational to look at a bbc biography of academy award winner christoph waltz. >> good afternoon. programs for the open university begin in a couple of minutes. >> academy award winner christoph waltz was largely unknown to american audiences before his turn as colonel hans lander in "inglourious basterds." despite his overwhelming success with "inglourious basterds," there is a lesser known film which christoph himself believes defines him as an actor. >> it could be the role of my lifetime. everything i ever experienced in my life, everything i ever did as an actor, they pulled towards each other.
12:21 am
♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ la, la, la, la, la ♪ la, la, la, la, la ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah >> of course, from the very beginning, you strive, you head towards a goal. in a way, the strive and the quest became the goal. and then it happened. ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ha ha ha ah. a lamp. they are humping. ah, a telephone. they are humping.
12:22 am
[ speaking german ] they are humping. they are humping! you have to understand that the humping is not a metaphor. the ukulele is. the telephone, the lamp. self-explanatory. the humping is humping. which part don't you understand? ♪ yeah yeah yeah i am communicating. the message is important. we are all humpink. we need to hump together. the new age of humpink is dawning. ♪ they are humping [ sheep bleating ]
12:23 am
>> thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, christoph. we'll be right back with keith urban. there's no party like a lobster party, and this is the lobster party. red lobster's lobsterfest is back with 9 irresistible lobster dishes. yeah, it's a lot.
12:24 am
y tender lobster lover's dream and see how sweet a lobster dream can be. or pick two delicious lobster tails with new lobster mix and match. the only thing more tempting than one succulent lobster tail, is two. is your mouth watering yet? good. because there's something for everyone, and everyone's invited. so come in today. is microsoyeah, it is.he ipad? just head to the app store and download it. now, you have microsoft word on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. with advil, you'll ask what sinus headache? what stiff joints? what time of the month cramps? what nighttime pain? make all your pains a distant memory with advil the world's #1 choice
12:25 am
what pain? advil. the little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. you naughty little... (spank) did you just spank your lunch? yeah. (spank) devour. food you want to fork. schick hydro ® vs a lube strip. with seven hydrating gel pools... that give you 40% less friction... it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. schick hydro ® free your skin. ® how do you become america's best-selling brand? you make it detect what they don't. stop, stop, stop! sorry. you make it sense what's coming.
12:26 am
watch, watch, watch! mom. relax! i'm relaxed. you make it for 16-year olds... whoa-whoa-whoa!!! and the parents who worry about them. you saw him, right? going further to help make drivers, better drivers. don't freak out on me. that's ford. and that's how you become america's best-selling brand. w...i was always searching for ways to manage my symptoms. i thought i had it covered. then i realized managing was all i was doing. when i finally told my doctor, he said humira was for people like me who have tried other medications,... but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief... ...and many achieved remission. humira can lower your ability to fight infections... ...including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers,... including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions,... ...and new or worsening heart failure.
12:27 am
been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb,... ...hepatitis b, are prone to infections, ...or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. if you're still just managing your symptoms, ask your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible. my laptop has the nastiest viryeah, that is scary.. you know an ipad pro doesn't get pc viruses, so relax there's nothing to be afraid of. ... except ghosts! ahhhhh!
12:28 am
z2a0gz zi0z y2a0gy yi0y >> jimmy: this is his latest kcd called "defining gravity" which i have no plans to do. here with the song "till summer comes around," keith urban!
12:29 am
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ another long summer's come and gone ♪ ♪ i don't know why it always ends this way ♪ ♪ the boardwalk's quiet and the carnival rides ♪ ♪ are as empty as my broken heart tonight ♪
12:30 am
♪ we're spinning around and you're holdin' on tightly ♪ ♪ the words came out ♪ i kissed your mouth ♪ no fourth of july has ever burned so brightly ♪ ♪ you had to go and i understand ♪ ♪ but you promised you'd be back again ♪ ♪ and so i wander around this town ♪ ♪ till summer comes around ♪ i got a job workin' at the old park pier ♪ ♪ and every summer now for five long years ♪ ♪ i grease the gears ♪ fix the lights ♪ tighten bolts and straighten the tracks ♪ ♪ and i cou
12:31 am
just might ♪ ♪ you just might come back ♪ and then i close my eyes and one more time ♪ ♪ we're spinnin' around and you're holdin' on tightly ♪ ♪ the words came out ♪ i kissed your mouth ♪ no fourth of july has ever burned so brightly ♪ ♪ you had to go and i understand ♪ but you swore that you'd be back again ♪ ♪ and so i'm frozen in this town ♪ ♪ till summer comes around ♪ ♪ oh and i close my eyes ♪ and you and i are stuck on the
12:32 am
ferris wheel ♪ ♪ rockin' with the motion ♪ hand-in-hand we cried and laughed ♪ ♪ knowin' that love belonged to us ♪ ♪ girl if only for a moment ♪ baby i'll be back again ♪ you whispered in my ear ♪ now the winter wind is the only sound ♪ ♪ and every thing is closin' down ♪ ♪ till summer comes around ♪ till summer comes around ♪ yeah ♪ when you coming back baby ♪ 'cause i miss your love ♪ i miss your love ♪ i miss your
12:33 am
♪ i do yeah yeah oh oh ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:34 am
12:35 am
>> jimmy: we are very, very out of time. i want to thank our guests bob, keith, christoph. everyone. thanks to the academy. we'll be back with a new show tomorrow night. it's time for you to go to sleep. good night. >> jimmy: okay, the meeting of the handsome men's club. matthew mcconaughey was there and he was really, really mean to me. then you said i wasn't handsome. >> come on, you know i think you're handsome. >> oh my god. >> i didn't say that. >> oh, god. i'm having the worst nightmare. yes, i'm sorry, it's just -- >> j
12:36 am
have to be honest. >> hello! [ dogs barking ] seriously, whenever i say hello the dogs go crazy. watch this. hello! [ dogs barking ] happens every time. >> okay. now this is getting weird. >> what are you doing here? >> hello! [ dogs barking ] >> he's wearing spanx! >> jimmy: [ bleep ] you! >> ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! i can't do it any more than that. >> jimmy: maybe i have the breasts of a 14-year-old girl -- ♪ the supple breasts of a 14-year-old girl ♪ >> jimmy: can you guys see my erection?
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, oscar buzz. a sensational court case that riveted and divided the country rivet the academy? what we're learning about the trial of the century. >> did the defense team cross a line? >> new insights from the names and faces that made history. >> not guilty of the crime of murder -- >> two innocent people were brutally murdered. i just thought, no one scarce. no one cares. going gosling. the leading man of "la la land" has lived a life worth singing and dancing about. from his days in mickey mouse club to making movie magic with emma stone in "city of stars." ♪ behind the scenes of his oscar-nominated performance. but first the "nightline 5." >> sick, huh? >> i'm good. >>

144 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on