is this really jimmy kimmel's laptop? >> oh, yeah, you know it is. it can be yours for -- 75 bucks. >> i'll give you $50. >> sold. by the way, check out the file marked "not porn." here's a spoiler alert. it is porn. >> what's this thing? >> jimmy's personal hemorrhoid pillow. >> oh, come on. >> come on, he sits on it every show. $50? >> no. >> $40? >> no. >> one minute, mr. spade. >> folks, wrap this up. we close in one minute. >> how much for the emmy? >> that's a daytime emmy, it's pretty much worthless. you can just take it, make it a gas station restroom key chain, i don't care.

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" with special guest host david spade. tonight, courteney cox. director guy ritchie. "this week in unnecessary censorship." and music from alt-j. and now, guess what? here's david spade! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> david: whoo! hello, guys. hello, hello. thanks, guys. thanks for coming. for those of you who don't know me, i'm david spade, keith urban's younger sister. [ la

last night, you had kristen bell. i'm what she's going to look like in 15 years. [ laughter ] i flew in from boston this morning. i had a lovely breakfast, 6:00am at the airport. i was at one of the 2 foot wide circular counters jammed in a bagel place. the guy comes up to me and says, there's ten tables, he's right next to me. he goes, "doing a little bagel action today, spade?" i say, "yeah." "doing a little bagel-age?" uh-huh, uh-huh. "bagel it up, dude." you know he's telling someone right now, "you know i was at the airport, saw spade, had breakfast, we were cracking it up there, guy's cool." you know, we are on hollywood boulevard if you haven't noticed. my first ever apartment in la was a mile from here. it was a loft apartment.

feet up, sticking out of the wall, you have to take a ladder to get up there. the landlord said, "listen, it's a little rickety. it's not too sturdy. i don't want more than 500 pounds up there." i said, "trust me, i don't want more than 500 pounds up there either." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ drumroll ] >> david: who's with me? scott from chicago, you know what i'm talking about. guillermo, you like that one? guillermo? what are you doing? are you not into it because it's not jimmy? oh! all right. you're loyal, he's loyal, oak, that's fine, we'll keep going. good talk, guillermo. [ laughter ] now, right here on hollywood boulevard, they have a mattress store. i was buzzing around, went into a mattress store, obviously bored. they have a new mattress that has a sensor in it if you think your spouse is cheating on you, it detects sex motions then buzzes your phone if it hears -- you know, what

this is how far it's gone, ridiculous. let me tell you something, folks. if you're buying this mattress, your spouse is cheating on you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is going past -- swiping pictures on instagram. but how embarrassing to be 3000 miles away on a business trip, everything's serious. you're like, and furthermore -- buzzing. and you're like, "um, guys, i got to take this. it's my mattress calling." never good news. nothing, guillermo? we're an hour from vegas, anybody here from vegas? no one's from vegas. you guys all travel. vegas has the best shows. i was there two nights ago. i saw "stomp." you know what this is? it's great, it's got the garbage cans.

i don't want to give it all away. [ laughter ] but if you get a chance. you definitely -- definitely make an effort. my friend said, "you have to go to the bellagio. he's a super vegas guy. go to the bellagio, it's all hookers. i go, who's the hooker? he goes, you can tell. i can't tell. he goes, you know. i go, i don't know. they need to help me out, a nametag or a scrunchy to the side or something. [ laughter ] are you a hooker? no i'm your waitress. my friend said you might be. it's tough. meeting girls is tough. look at this guy on his phone, he's tindering. you know, when you meet girls -- it's all about the phones. you know what guys do lately. because i'm old. they send pictures of their -- you know. you know what i mean? they lead with it. this is how they're dating. hey, you want to meet the rest of they like what you see so far?

i grew up in a simpler time. some of you guys did. to win over a girl, back then you had to do it with a pen and paper, you remember this? if you liked a girl you had to sketch out your [ bleep ] and give it to her, you know that? you make the balls a little bigger. yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yeah, it was more romantic. hm? nothing? i've been getting hassled by the paparazzi a little more lately. there's nothing worse than when you walk out of a restaurant and the paparazzi are right there where you told them to be. [ laughter ] really frustrating. by the way in world news, which i obviously know nothing about -- because i'm stupid, went to community college. north korea -- didn't even finish. north korea is really getting serious lately, i don't know if you've seen their new propaganda video. it's so overbudget and poorly made i'm surprised i wasn't in it. [ laughter ] hey!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> david: that's the one? >> guillermo: finally you have a good one. >> david: i finally had a good -- all right. by the way, today is basically the super bowl for guillermo's liver, it's cinco de drinko! you know you're serious when he tweets this at 7:00 this morning. happy cinco de mayo, tequila time! probably wasn't a great idea to it you on a spinning chair tonight, guillermo. [ laughter ] on a scale from one to third night of coachella how drung do you feel right now? >> guillermo: i tink i'm okay. >> david: you tink. i'll bet you $100 you're over the legal limit of .08. >> guillermo:

come over here, we'll do a breathalyzer. [ cheers and applause ] under .08, you win. over .08, i win, i and i give you the money for an uber. here we've got a breathalyzer. mine's still attached to my car. ready? blow into this. oh, no! that's device. >> guillermo: can i say something? >> david: yeah. >> guillermo: this thing doesn't work with mexicans, okay? happy cinco de mayo, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> david: you went off the strip. all right, guillermo. in a shocking turn of events -- anyway. you stay there maybe for the rest of the year. speaking of booze, we have a quick video of our president. when i s i

looked a little buzzed. [ tape playing very slowly ] >> you know, coming from a different world and only being a politician for a short period of time, how am i doing, am i doing -- i'm president. hey, i'm president! do you believe it? i don't know. [ cheers and applause ] >> david: that's pretty funny. thanks for coming, we'll be right back! hit it! ♪

bringing new moves to the old school ♪ ♪ time for the whole world to enjoy the view ♪ ♪ we can go left they can go right ♪ ♪ save me a dance for the end of the night ♪ ♪ when i'm with you it's a party ♪ ♪ don't care where we're going ♪ ♪ 1, 2, 3 get loose no♪! ♪ it takes two to make a thing go right♪ ♪ it takes two to make it out of sight. ♪ ♪ where did we find the inspiration for our new flavors? it walked right in the door. introducing new signature crafted recipes. pico guacamole. sweet barbecue bacon. maple bacon dijon. you bring your flavor to the world. we bring ours to you. you're not taking these. hey, hey, hey! you're not taking those. whoa, whoa!

come with me. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. mom, i'm taking the subaru. don't be late. even when we're not there to keep them safe, our subaru outback will be. (vo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. it's a very simple procedure, mr. diaz. we're just going to make one small incision here, then we're gonna go in and remove your '67 corvette. my vette!? it's just a gall bladder! you don't have.. aflac! paying you cash, so you might have to sell that sweet little muscle machine just to cover your rent. more funny juice. but my papa gave me...that...car. what do you wish you had? aflac. ohh, i love doing that. health can change, but the life you love doesn't have to. keep your lifestyle healthy with- aflac! mone hundredts thousand times a day, sending oxygen to my muscles. again! so i can lift even the most demanding weight.

tant parts with centrum. now verified non gmo and gluten free. this clean was like pow! everything well? my teeth are glowing. they are so white. step 1 cleans. step 2 whitens. crest [hd]. 6x cleaning*, 6x whitening*á i would switch to crest [hd] over what i was using before.

[ cheers and applause ] >> david: all right. hey! all right. welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm david spade. i'm the final guest host of the week. i think of myself as a great guest host like joan rivers and much like her i'll probably die in my 80s getting plastic surgery. [ laughter ] isn't that nice? by the way, you may know, back in the '90s i was on "saturday night live." [ cheers and applause ] i wore a ton of wigs for all the sketches and i loved doing that. but in real life, i have stupid harry everyone makes fun of it. it's been described at unisex. that's the nicest thing. [ laughter ] so we came up with a guessing game because this is what tv has become. how it works is i'm going to show you a picture of some hair, then you have to guess if th

hair is mine or a famous chick's. it's time for "spade-y or lady?" [ cheers and applause ] all right, here we go. first up. is that spade-y or a lady? what do you think? let's see. all right. hey! [ cheers and applause ] no layering. one length. sort of like a bob. this game is already hurting my feelings. all right, next. lady? i think lady. what is it? jennifer. okay, i'll give you that one. let's do another one. spade-y or lady? yeah? yeah, that's right. i like that one. that was my kato kaelin phase. th

are you sure? that's scar-jo. i could pull that look off if you gave me a smoky eye. all right. next one. i don't know, do it. i hit dry bar pretty hard. and one more. guillermo? no idea? oh, you're out? all right. the answer is -- it's both. me as a lady. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for playing america's favorite game "eating up monologue time with david spade." all right. [ laughter ] and one more thing. it's the end of the week, and that means two things happen around here at "jimmy kimmel live." number one, an intern gets fired. hit

no, beat it, this is not a bit, go. all right. this is one of my -- is he gone? this is one of my favorite jimmy bits. where he bleeps and blurs big tv moments, whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> a white house effort under way to explain president trump's comment that he'd be honored to [ bleep ] kim jong-un. >> [ bleep ] you, mr. president. [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] you for your leadership. >> a bizarre story out of virginia where police are looking for the person or people [ bleep ]ing cats. >> that was the first time i heard about the [ bleep ] inside of tommy lasorda. >> a passenger on the plane recorded two other passengers [ bleep ]ing before takeoff. >> i will blep billi[ bleep ] bd billions of [ bleep ]. >>ak

no, his message was [ bleep ] the mexicans. >> fox news contributor, but his specialty is [ bleep ]ing. karl rove is here. >> my favorite food is guavas. i'm looking to give my girlfriend a [ bleep ] she's never going to forget. >> did you [ bleep ] president obama? >> yeah, i [ bleep ] president obama. and i [ bleep ]ed donald trump. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> david: that was funny. tonight on the show, music from alt-j, guy ritchie, and be right back with courteney cox right now. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ t.j.maxx asks, she's pretty and nice like me. she is special. he knows me better

my mom likes pink. mommy loves roses. it's a surprise. you picked this out by yourself? it's a purse. i know you love purses. i do! celebrate the unique mom in your life, with values everyone will love. happy mother's day! ♪ you might not ever just stand there, looking at it. you may never even sit in the back seat. yeah, but maybe you should. ♪ (laughter) ♪

then you're a couple. think of all you'll share... like snoring. does your bed do that? the dual adjustability of a sleep number bed allows you each to choose the firmness and comfort you want. so every couple can get the best sleep ever. does your bed do that? for a limited time save $900 - $1200 on

ct final clearance beds during our spring clearance event. only at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com ialmost everything. you know, ke 1 i n 10 houses could get hit by an expensive septic disaster. but for only $7 a month, rid-x helps break down waste. avoid a septic disaster with rid-x.

[ cheers and applause ] >> david: hey. all right, guys. welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] david spade in covering for jim kimmel. tonight on the show, he's the director of "snatch," "sherlock holmes," the new film "king arthur: l

ritchie is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then, their new album "relaxer" comes out june 2nd. alt-j from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage. that's coming up. [ cheers and applause ] you get what i'm saying. jimmy will be back in the saddle next week. and as a reminder, if you'd like to help the great hospital that did such amazing things for the kimmel family the past couple of weeks, you can donate to children's hospital los angeles at the address on your screen. [ cheers and applause ] hopefully, they'll get a bunch of drunken cinco de mayo donations tonight. my first guest has nothing to promote. she just wants you to watch "friends" reruns so she gets a little money from that. she's just being cool to come out. this is courteney cox! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> thank you. >> david: they like you. >> nice monologue. >> david: yeah, right? me blabbing away. [ laughter ] what's your first story? no, i'm kidding. >> let's do it. >> david: no, i'm new. it's great to see you. >> by the way, it works, by the way. if you're not good. >> david: yeah. >> you are good. >> david: it's casual friday here. >> yep. >> david: obviously. >> cinco de mayo. >> david: yeah, your cinco shirt on, sweet. are you as drunk as guillermo at this point? look at him. he's still sitting back there. guillermo, that bit's been over for 30 minutes. he doesn't care. so let's tell everybody how we first met. it's riveting i'm sure. >> oh, yes. we met on "saturday night live." >> david: that's right. [ cheers and applause ] i already milked that applause earl

but "saturday night live," you were the host. you came in, you were on your show. and everyone was excited to see you. every dude had a crush on you, every writer, every cast member. it was very exciting to have you. >> i was so nervous. it was way too early in my career to be doing that show. i would like to do it now but that was the first year of "friends." >> david: oh, is that -- "friends" was big immediately. >> yeah. >> david: wow. because i was thinking you were probably just getting accustomed to "friends" being huge and then going right into "saturday night live," which is terrifying. >> i was staying in this cabin up in big bear with my entire family in winn room. it was literally like -- i was not used to any kind of luxury. this is me getting a call, oh my god, yeah. i was panicked, so excited. but no, i wasn't accustomed to any big of anything. >> david: i've hosted "saturday night live" since. it's terrifying still. and i'd been there so long. you're in 90 things that are grabbing you and pulling you. you came on i think i was in three sketches that week. i wrote one with you? or there was one with a gap for you and

where i was hitting on you, then acting cool. then i turned into like all over you, like "fatal attraction." [ laughter ] it was great. the gap one we have a clip from. >> hey! >> okay, i guess you win. let's go to the bonus round and pick one category. >> okay. i will take, would you? >> get ready, answer as many questions as possible, here we go. would you macdill lon? >> of course. >> would you tom arnold? >> no way. >> snoop doggy dog? >> yes. >> scott baio? >> i did. >> oh my god! >> what? he was really nice. i met him last summer when he was signing posters at the mall. he took me to dinner, he bought me a big bottle of chateau briand. [ cheers and applause ] >> david: you remember that? barely, i know. barely, barely. chateau briand is a steak,

[ laughter ] i was really overacting like [ bleep ]. >> you were great? good. so we have stayed friends, right? >> yes. we live close to each other. >> david: we live close to each other. i finally got on your street, which is a good one. she's known for taking houses and making them beautiful. you've got a great touch for that. i'm not known for anything like that. but i have a nice house. >> he's got a tennis court, more importantly. >> david: i have a tennis court so it made us be better friends. [ laughter ] you would come over and play tennis. >> i would walk up the hill and play tennis at your house. his tennis court, it's like a 12-year-old lives there, no offense. it's ramps, skateboard ramps. do you even skateboard? >> david: i do, yeah, i'm sort of a phoney but i used to skateboard all the time, but now i just say i do. >> okay, it felt really -- it was disarray for sure. >> david: yeah, yeah, yeah. for someone like you who's very clean and meticulous, your house is perfect. then mine is a disaster area. >> i am

i have a similarity with monica, i can't help it. [ cheers and applause ] money cass clean, i'm neat. i actually am a little admit more of this person underneath. >> david: yeah, you're clean too. [ laughter ] one time i told her to come over and i wanted to get her eye, you know, for the inside of my house, i wanted her to help fix it up or give me tips. soft just to show off my house and have her tell me how great it was. and then -- what happened? >> well, i went into your -- you wanted to redo your kitchen. and i said, let's start with tearing it down. >> david: yes. [ laughter ] then you said no other rooms really matched my kitchen, we should probably go with all the rooms again. and when i see your houses i realize, i'm a dude, i don't know what's going on. as long as -- >> you did do it. >> david: i did start to do it. it's not that cool but it's better. it's a mansion, a house, whatever. [ laughter ] what my saying? it's not 88 rooms, 55 windows, i don'kn

[ laughter ] now, we played tennis. one time i told you your ka fees were hilarious. and that got me in trouble. i thought it was a compliment. i don't know yes thought that. >> yeah would that be a compliment? >> david: i don't know why. you ragged me about that a couple of years. i think i said they were hysterical. she has great legs. >> my knees are hysterical. that could not be good. >> david: maybe i was trying to get you back. here was your big compliment to me. "don't ever fix your teeth." and i go, what's up with my teeth? by the way, at this point i didn't know they were crooked. and she goes, no, i like them like that. >> you know what? i think it's because you had a chip in your tooth, and guess what, you fixed your teeth. >> david: i did. >> i told you not -- it's nothing better than a smile that someone has a little bit of an imperfection, i love it. >> david: if you don't like perfect, you came to the right place. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] once you got married i said, oh, i'm just going to fix it no

married. [ laughter ] and you are with? >> johnny. >> david: johnny. he lives in england. he lives there all the time? >> yeah. >> david: back and forth or what? >> we broke up. but we got back together. but in the meantime he moved to england. and it's kind of nice. we see each other a lot. i go there -- we try to see each other every two to three weeks. >> you're not on top of each other every second which is not a bad thing to be. i mean, sometimes it's better to not be together 24/7 all the time. sometimes it's good. >> yeah. i mean, that's -- >> david: i play both sides. [ laughter ] just tell me what the right answer is. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] first day, you guys skype, facetime, whatever? >> not skype, we facetime. it's hard because i have pretty bad a.d.d. so it's --

and i can't see him? my brain -- i start like wanting to clean something or do something. >> david: yeah, yeah. >> so our relationship works best when i'm really looking at him. >> david: you have to focus. >> i need to focus, yeah. >> david: so this is working. >> i'm staring at you. >> david: yeah, yeah. this is the most you've not drifted off since i met you. [ laughter ] and you and cocoa still around? your lovely daughter who is like -- i haven't even her, last time i saw her she was huge. >> coco's almost 13. [ laughter ] >> david: well, i knew she was 12 last time, she was taller than me. [ laughter ] i'm like, where's coco? what? so she's here and you guys just roll around together rnlt we went on vacation in the bahamas for spring break, we had the best time. a girls trip, it was fantastic. we've never done that before. we were sitting on these lounge chairs looking out over the most beautiful clear water i've seen. the sand was pink. it was just the most picturesque

thing. and i saw these two beautiful horses, like palominos, running on the beach. they stopped right in front of my lounge chair. and i was like, get a load of this, do you believe what's happening, the horses! then the horse lifts its tail. and i don't mean pooped. i'm talking like -- sorry, diarrhea. it was horrible. [ laughter ] and i was like -- oh my god, what are we going to do? and i looked up and i was like -- who's going to -- is anyone going to get this? then horses just guflbeautifull galloped out. and the waft of the smell -- oh my god. no one from the hotel, no one came to get it. like this is life, this is what it is. oh, how do i swim in this? a little time goes by. the tide was going this way. oh, poor people. all of a sudden the water comes in. and takes it back out with it. i decided, well, i'm going to give it 30 minutes. we walk up a little. next thing you know you get pummeled by a wave and you forget. oh, i just swallowed -- oh, i

it was still a great trip. i mean, i'm sorry. [ laughter ] i love horses but that is not my idea. >> david: yeah, yeah, floating poops is no good. [ laughter ] i see you, you get paparazzi'd a lot. at airports? >> yeah, i can't stand the -- oh, i was going to say, i can't stand the tmz thing but you must like it. [ laughter ] yeah. you've ever seen the heather locklear, right? talking about the -- your endowment? >> david: oh, yeah. >> large -- >> david: she put out a big weiner story. laugh live [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] first of all -- yeah, first of all it's not true. but she's very nice to say that. [ laughter ] i think the thing is, it's a small backdrop, you know what i mean? like an optic illusion. [ laughter ] like a david blaine thing. i did have dinner two nights later and the bouncer goes, come on man, what's up?

congratulations on all that. all that. he goes, you know what i'm talking about. you got it. i go, oh, okay, cool. anyway. i'm clearly embarrassed. thank you for coming down. [ cheers and applause ] be right back with guy ritchie! ♪ ♪ where did we find the inspiration for our new flavors?

it walked right in the door. introducing new signature crafted recipes. pico guacamole. sweet barbecue bacon. maple bacon dijon. purchase any signature crafted sandwich and get a free medium fries and soft drink. you bring your flavor to the world. we bring ours to you. the average family's below average deck: it's splintered 11 paws, triggered an award winning sigh, and inspired 1 incredible makeover. just clean, conceal, cover. since then its hosted 1 dance party, staged 4 sold-out shows, and sparked deckover do-overs for days. it's your made to last deck. one great leap for bare feet. behr deckover, available in 3 finishes. only at the home depot. and let roomba from irobot help with your everyday messes. roomba navigates your entire home. cleaning up pet hair and debris for up to 2 hours.

you and roomba, from irobot. better. together. mone hundredts thousand times a day, sending oxygen to my muscles. again! so i can lift even the most demanding weight. take care of all your most important parts with centrum. now verified non gmo and gluten free.

goal! nitedhealthcare, you can get rewarded for waldad... we wanna welcome everyone to the father daughter dance. walk, move and earn money... ...for out-of-pocket medical expenses. he's ok! unitedhealthcare i have to tell you something.

one second i was driving and then the next... they just didn't stop and then... i'm really sorry. i wrecked the subaru. i wrecked it. you're ok. that's all that matters. (vo) a lifetime commitment to getting them home safely. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru.

[ cheers and applause ] welcome back, "jimmy kimmel live." i'm beloved actor david spade. my next guest is the director of "snatch" and "sherlock holmes." his latest "king arthur: legend of the sword" opens in theaters may 12th. >> these are friends of mine so you're going to have to sort it out. >> they've been warned they have to pay. >> how did you get money from a viking? >> i feel a joke coming on here. you're asking for it. >> you just walked in there and asked them for it? >> oh it banged on for a bit. >> i've got 50 seasoned men of war. >> where did you find the blades? >> i bor royed it, put it na

>> that's your story. >> david: please welcome guy ritchie. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> david: good to see you, bud. >> how are you, david? >> david: looking good, dude. >> so are you. >> david: yeah? >> we have a rather similar complexion. >> david: we do have a similar thing going on here. you're about 100 times cooler but i'll take what i can get. >> that's very kind. >> david: yeah. >> did we have a bit of help with the makeup department? >> david: yeah, i've been here since 2:00 a.m. >> this is a bit of a trump thing we've got going on. >> david: we're like in a mirror doing

you got a blue coat on. what do you think? >> you're missing a pocket square. >> david: yeah, well, you're from england. [ laughter ] isn't that like a little dressier over there? >> a little more tasteful if that's what you mean. >> david: no, no. i look all right. this is the best it gets, dude. a suit on. you should see me in the daytime, i've got trucker head, i look like a mor error. i think i met you at "snatch." i don't think you remember the premiere of "snatch," the movie, there's ago. [ cheers and applause ] got all the cool dudes in it. brad. who else was in it? oh, i was there. oh, look it. oh i would get beat up quick in england. spade-y or lady, look at this guy. that was me at the premiere. is that hysterical? i didn't know how i got into that. i didn't know you. maybe i -- maybe i was famous back then.

great movie. that was super cool. it was at the dga. remember that? directors guild. have you done this interview before? [ laughter ] >> keep going. >> david: okay, keep going. i have been to england once. for two days. i'll tell my story first. [ laughter ] i went to england. there was a movie called "tommy boy." it was my only movie that went overseas. [ cheers and applause ] me and the other guy in it went over there. and we were on "saturday night live." and we thought we were super famous. this is tragic. so he goes, do you think everyone will know us and it will be too weird with too many fans? i go, i don't think so. by the way, we were barely known in america. so i don't know what we were thinking. so we got on a hat and glasses at the dorchester. we're walking around to make sure we wouldn't get in trouble, get like beatle mania or something. and nobody cared. and then the hats came off.

trying to conjure up some attention. and then still nothing. so i think we ate at planet hollywood. [ laughter ] i think -- anything, desperately trying to get attention. now you go. [ laughter ] [ applause ] come on. >> that's a pretty tough story to trump, david. >> david: it's not that. let's talk about "king arthur" then. >> okay, correct. >> david: i saw the movie "arthur," will that help me at all? [ laughter ] no, go ahead. >> similar, similar. >> david: this is "king arthur," your version, which is way cooler, more stylized. tell us a little bit about it for those who don't know. >> knights. 300 elephants. entertainment. it does have a touch of the old "snatch-esque" about it. i like to think of it

reimagining of the famous tale. and hopefully i've made it accessible to a contemporary audience. other than that, david, help me out. >> david: no, you're doing great. david beckham's in it. oh, charlie hunt, who was here last night. >> were you here for charlie? >> david: yeah, i watched last night so i could prepare for the disaster of tonight. [ laughter ] they told me this won't help you, but just go out there and watch. charlie was great, seems like a super cool dude. david beckham was in it. they have a picture of david beckham. uglied him up a bit? >> we did. i didn't want david beckham to bounce you out of the movie. so we stuck lots of makeup on him and tried to mess him up as much as we can. >> david: yeah he's playing frankenstein. [ laughter ] look at that. >> you say that but my female assistant that was on the right-hand side of me, i said, do you think anyone will

recognize it, recognize him as david beckham? she said, i don't know but i'd still give him one. [ laughter ] >> david: dude. if i was with a girl she'd push me in a wood chipper if i was with that guy. [ laughter ] by the way, it is cinco de mayo. i don't know if you have cinco de mayo -- >> i had a 30-second briefing on what cinco de mayo is. >> david: i don't really know what it is but we do it every may 5th and everyone gets drunk. we thought we'd have a little quick drink and a cinco de echeo if you don't mind. [ cheers and applause ] gee ma guillermo, here he comes. oh-oh. oh, boy. ♪ that's his music. oh, you got that? >> guillermo: here. here, sir. >> thank you very much, sir. lovely. >> guillermo: welcome to america. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> david: guy ritchie! "king arthur." we'll be right back. "legend of the sword," may 12th. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

this is how it feels when you eat a subway® $6 footlong sub of the day.

at a price you can't get enough of. the $6 footlong sub of the day. a different footlong every day of the week. like the tukey breast on wednesday and the sweet onion chicken teriyaki on monday. for just $6 bucks! seven days, seven footlongs, seven more ways to enjoy subway®. to repay our gift, of leaving it completely alone. bottled at the source. untouched by man. it's earth's finest water. indid may imagine april showersy bringing her fashionable, flowers at such a sunny price? never but that's the beauty of a store full of surprises. you never know what you're gonna find, but you know you're gonna love it.

like finding new ways to be taken care of. home, car, life insurance obviously, ohhh... but with added touches you can't get everywhere else, like claim free rewards... or safe driving bonus checks. oh yes.... even a claim satisfaction guaranteeeeeeeeeee! in means protection plus unique extras only from an expert allstate agent. it's good to be in, good hands. (inaudible singing) yaaaa! (inaudible rapping) ♪

with tampax pearl. you get ultimate protection on your heaviest days and smooth removal for your lightest. tampax pearl and pocket pearl for on the go.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> david: all right, guys. their album "relaxer" comes out june 2nd. here with the song "in cold blood," alt-j! ♪ ♪ zero , one, one, one zero, zero, one, one crying zeros and i'm hearing one, one, one ♪ ♪ cut my somersaults i'ma backflip ♪ ♪ pool, summer summer, pool pool, summer kiss me ♪

really wants it to be whiskey soda, please your g&t is empty ♪ ♪ dips inflatables have sunk to the bottom ♪ ♪ pool, summer summer, pool pool, summer kiss me ♪ ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh kelly, let's dive dive down ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh, ohh to the pool's bottom where we belong ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh, ohh kelly, we're sinking like a beating stone ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh, ohh all above crowdin' 'round so very loud ♪ ♪ mister, caspian's killer told me so la, la, la, la, la, la

heard it now on the radio ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ my pool summer summer, pool summer vibe scare in cold blood ♪ ♪ zero , one, one, one zero, zero, one, one crying zeros and i'm hearing one, one, one ♪ ♪ lifeless back slaps the surface of the pool ♪ ♪ pool, killer killer, pool pool killer kiss me ♪ ♪ ♪ mister, caspian's killer told me so la, la, la, la, la, la heard it now on the radio ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ my pool summer summer, pool summer vibe scare in cold blood ♪ ♪

♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ caspian's killer told me so la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la ♪ caspian's killer told me so la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ in cold blood

[ cheers and applause ] david: that's our show. i'd

it's like to sort of thank guy ritchie, alt-j and guillermo. you're all set, dude. jimmy, this show is officially your problem again. "nightline" is next. first playing us off the air with the song "3ww," alt-j! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ there was a wayward lad

stepped out one morning the ground to be his bed the sky his awning ♪ ♪ neon, neon, neon a blue neon lamp in a midnight country field ♪ ♪ cows surround so you lean on, lean on so much your heart's become fond of this ♪ ♪ oh these three worn words

oh that you whisper ♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, murder in paradise. a couple's tropical getaway in belize takes a horrific turn. found murdered, strangled to death. what happened on that caribbean night? the danger lurking in some trendy destinations. and tips to keep you safe. plus, black enough? a college beauty crowned miss black university of texas. but the after-glow coming to a screeching halt. >> she's clearly the lightest damn near white-looking black woman -- >> fierce backlash over her complexi complexi complexion. why she says blackness is more than skin deep. >> you get away with murder because you look more like them than i do. that's your whi s