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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 16, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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this episode of "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by the fist-shaped hole in kellyanne conway's wall. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, zach galifianakis. from "i do until i don't" lake bell. and music from midland. and no, so there's no confusion, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks
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[ cheers and applause ] i appreciate that. here we are enjoying a little bit of calm after a storm named hurricane donald ravaged much of the country yesterday. the effects are still being felt and talked about. i don't know about you, i don't know about your world, but i feel like this is the only thing anyone talks about. trump and maybe "game of thrones." that's it. [ laughter ] and "game of thrones" only has two episodes left. so we're kind of screwed when that goes. last night on our show, if you missed it, i had a message for those who voted for donald trump. i explained that i understood why they did it but encouraged those of them who deep down feel like now they look back and made a mistake, to just admit it and move on. and i think, i have to say i think it might have worked. i really think i made a breakthrough. and i base that on the thoughtful responses i got on twitter and facebook. [ laughter ] from people like thomas who wrote, "why don't you go somewhere else like a different country if you don't like our president and stop your crying
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well, thank you, thomas. [ laughter ] this was from douglas. "jimmy, give me a break. jimmy, nobody cares what you think. you sound like a whining baby. does baby jimmy want his bottle?" [ laughter ] and twitter user codron wrote "i hate them all to be honest. but if you're down for some mind-numbing retardation, i guess jimmy kimmel has got that down pat." right. down pact. maybe the responses on twitter weren't great but facebook is different because you have to use your real name. i heard from a lot of terrific on facebook like karen who wrote "jimmy kimmel reminds me of a demented little kid at a social gathering. where in the hell is this kid's parents? they should be arrest ford giving birth to him." [ laughter ] and james. "jimmy kimmel is the worst talk show host and most stupid person i have ever seen. i watched president trump today and stupid kimmel took what the president said all wrong and is turning it around to hurt trump. stupid kimmel as far
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concerned is a racist promoting racism. his sorry-ass show needs to be canceled." and finally jimmy, who wrote "if jimmy heard a firecracker as he was walking by himself anywhere, he would wear his pants like the little coward he is." well said. and you know what? he's right. i would wear my pants. [ laughter ] i wear them -- whifr go out i wear them. unless i'm in the pool then i wear shorts. or at the beach. i want to thank everyone for the feedback. it just goes to show you if you want to know where people are coming from and talk to them like human beings they will open up. you just have to communicate. yesterday was probably the worst day of the trump presidency, and that's saying a lot. he gave a press conference which he couldn't help but defend nazis and klan members and white supremacists. he just couldn't hold it in. it was an absolute trainwreck even for him. so after all this he goes home, he's back in his apartment in new york for the first time since january, finds a bucket of chicken in the fridge. he smells it, he eats it. [
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this. and then at 6:12 a.m. with all the fires he lit still burning what's the first thing on his mind? he tweets, "amazon is doing great damage to tax-paying retailers, towns, cities and states throughout the u.s. are being hurt. many jobs being lost." that's right. our president condemned amazon more harshly than he condemned neo-nazis the previous day. [ laughter ] but there was good reason why the president is suddenly thinking about amazon, and i can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that the owner of amazon also owns the "washington post," which wrote a scathing editorial about him last night. if you think that's a coincidence, well, i have a wall to sell you that mexico will definitely pay for. so don't worry about it. [ applause ] i don't know why, by the way, trump would go after amazon. i mean, they sell many great trump products. like this countdown to trump's last day clock. [ laughter ] they've got trump toilet paper.
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dogs. and this stylish trump pen holder. i'll let you guess where the pen goes. [ laughter ] also today, after nine ceos, leaders of business, resigned from trump's business advisory councils in protest, trump tweeted he's disbanding his business advisory councils. like a kid who cancels his birthday party because only the clown showed up. [ laughter ] you can't break up with me. i'm breaking up with you first. but listen, people are upset. and i understand why. you know, the president handled a group of racists with kid gloves. but maybe -- and i want to encourage you to keep an open mind here because maybe he did it because kid gloves are the only gloves that fit on his tiny little hands. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know, at this point it's hard to imagine that anyone is still working for donald trump, but they all are. no one quit. and some of them are even firing back against charges of racism. michael cohen, who's donald trump's personal lawyer, tweeted this today. "as the son
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survivor i have no tolerance for hashtag racism just because i support potus real donald trump doesn't make me racist." and with that he attached photos of himself posing with black people. [ laughter ] two of whom are omarosa. i don't know if you noticed that. how good is that? i would have loved -- i would give any amount of money to watch him putting that collage together. [ laughter ] scrolling through his phone. where the hell is that picture of me with don king? oh, here it is. i bet $500 don king has no idea who he is. but i guess like when you have to scramble you scramble. the white house also trying to do damage control. quietly. reportedly they sent a memo to republicans in congress with talking points to use when discussing the subject. one of the talking points was say -- they wanted the people to say trump's comments on the violence in charlottesville were "entirely correct and donald trump has been a voice of unity and calm bringing americans together." which is so crazy tha
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get in touch with them to ask about this. joining us now from washington is kellyanne conway. and i want to say hello. hello, kellyanne. >> hello. thanks for having me. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so kellyanne, thanks for being here. did the white house really send a memo telling republican members of congress what to say about that mind-boggling press conference yesterday? >> that is absolutely not true. everyone knows that what the president said in his statement yesterday was 100% correct. there is blame on all sides. the violent alt left must be stopped. >> kellyanne, are you reading cue cards right now? [ laughter ] >> what? no. that is absolutely 100% fake news. and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking it, jake. >> jimmy: my name's jimmy, not jake. and the reason i said it is because it looked like you were reading. you were moving your head back and forth as if you were reading. >> well, you look like you're reading, jake. how's that? >> jimmy: i'm not reading. i was j
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president is scripting the responses to what he said, you know? >> as i said before -- go back one. [ laughter ] that is absolutely not true. everyone knows what the president said in his statement yesterday was 100% -- >> jimmy: kellyanne, you're reading again. i can see -- we obviously see that you're reading. >> that's outrageous. i'm not reading. i don't even know how to read. [ laughter ] if i was reading, i would be reading this. "the art of the deal" by donald trump, the number one best-seller for 58 weeks. >> jimmy: you have such big hands. that really is amazing. hey, wait a minute, was that cookie monster? what the hell is cookie monster doing there? >> he's our new chairman of the food and drug administration. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, he's an monstnot a monst. he's a pretty. thank you. hillary's a murderer. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. so that was kell
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the president today is back at his golf course in new jersey after two nights at his condo in trump tower. there were thousands of protesters outside the building in new york chanting "new york hates you." which is not the most original chant but it does get the point across. wasn't quite the welcome home i'm sure the president imagined he would get. but the good news, if there is any, is the building he owns is now the star of a major motion picture. >> these visions as you call them. what do you see? >> i see a tower. >> the tower is all that stands between light and darkness. >> not all of those people were neo-nazis. believe me. not all of those people were white supremacists. >> he's like the devil, isn't he? >> no. he's worse. >> they will be met with fire and fury. >> millions of people die. >> death. everyone's going to die. death, death, death.
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[ honking ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm going to see that. we have a good show for you tonight. we have music from midland. lake bell is here. and we'll be right back with zach galifianakis. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you excited? it's sold out. don't fret, my friend. i masterpassed it! you can use it online and on your phone i masterpassed it. you got the tickets? onward! playing the hero: priceless masterpass. the secure way to pay from your bank don't just buy it. masterpass it.
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countless ailments. countless hours. and guess what? you can handle it all. be a leader in your field with a bsn from strayer university. a nursing program created by and for nurses. let's get it, nurses. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight from her new movie "i do until i don't" lake bell is here. then from austin, texas their album
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out september 22nd. midland from the mercedes-benz stage. they definitely win best dressed for sure. tomorrow night, salma hayek pinault is here. she just added a pinault. jay ellis, and we'll have music from bearstronaut. by the way, i want to mention i just had the most terminal conversation with two guys in our audience. i still am eelg from it. i don't know if i'm going to be able to recover from it. [ cheers and applause ] it was a strange -- a strange combination of puzzling and boring at the same time. [ laughter ] but if anyone can help these two, i don't know -- they don't know where they live. [ laughter ] one of them fell off a truck. they need help is what i'm saying. all right. our first guest tonight is a very talented man who has an emmy nomination for two roles.
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on "baskets." and his new movie "tulip fever" opens in theaters september 1st. please welcome zach galifianakis! [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing, zach? >> hi, everybody. [ cheers ] i saw that conversation in the green room with those two guys. i thought it was part of your sizzle reel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there was no sizzle -- >> guys, welcome -- welcome to earth. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: one of the guys, i didn't get their names. what are your names? ian? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. i should have figured that. >> don't give them mikes! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ian is looking for a job. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and he's going to be
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interviewing at a company called lighthouse up in seattle. >> yeah, i heard it. it was like taking ambien. [ laughter ] what kind of work do you do? >> i actually -- right now i'm not working. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. that's why -- >> you'll fit in in hollywood. >> jimmy: ian, that's why i mentioned you're looking for a job. he was asking what kind of work do you do? >> i build gaming pcs and help my parents and friends out with i.t. repair and computer repair and stuff. >> do you mind giving out your phone number in case anybody wants to call you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't give the digits in order. but give out all the numbers. [ laughter ] >> if i felt comfortable enough, i would. but -- >> jimmy: maybe later in the show. >> maybe. >> jimmy: we'll check back in with you periodically. [ laughter ] see, that's a movie you need to make. a movie about ian's journey and ian's life. and by the way, you know, you could win -
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for an emmy for your show "baskets." [ cheers and applause ] >> what a segue. >> jimmy: yeah. that's what i do. i make segues. >> right. >> jimmy: i take ian and i bring him to emmy is what i do. well, congratulations. >> thanks. >> jimmy: and i'm very happy about this because i love that show "baskets." and you have two -- you really could have been nominated twice in that same category, couldn't you? >> well, it's an honor to be nominated. i did not -- i didn't think about it. >> jimmy: did you even know you were nominated when you were nominated? >> i got some -- a bunch of -- texts were coming in on my phone. a lot of them. >> jimmy: that's where mine come in too. [ laughter ] >> these were on my land line. rotary dial. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is unusual. >> no, a lot of texts were coming through. my phone, i never have it on me but i heard it. i thought, that sounds like an emergency, i'm not getting the phone. [ laughter ] and that's how i found out about it. but
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campaigning for it. >> jimmy: you are? >> yeah. i've got a couple -- a russian company helping me win. [ laughter ] and i've been handing out flyers at the 3rd street promenade. >> jimmy: anything helps. >> yeah. and you know, as campaigning for it, i -- you know, the audience has been so great and great to me over the years. [ cheers and applause ] some donuts for everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hold on. >> enjoy them. >> jimmy: hold on. i'm a little bit unclear. well, that's nice of you. >> not to buy their vote. but i just want you to think about me. >> jimmy: this is part of your -- >> part of the campaign. yeah. >> jimmy: but you know that the only people that can vote for the emmys are academy members. >> oh.
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>> let's take them back. is there any academy members here? yeah. just take them back, then. >> jimmy: oh, you're taking the donuts back? well, some of them have been partly -- you know, that's -- [ laughter ] well, that's a shame. >> well, give ian -- ian has to have one. >> jimmy: he won't know whether -- >> half bitten donuts to everybody! [ applause ] >> jimmy: just pass out -- pass out one donut to the person on the end and everybody can take a bite and pass it down the aisle. well, that is not an effective emmy campaign, zach. i hate to tell you. you know your odds -- you want to know what the odds of winning are, the emmys? >> okay. this is -- you're going to tell me the odds of -- >> jimmy: you winning the emmy. according to las vegas. >> it's a vegas thing. >> jimmy: yeah,
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odds. in your category -- >> how many are nominated? >> jimmy: five. no, six. six are nominated. in your category the favorite is donald glover from that show "atlanta." he has a 58% chance of winning. >> good for him. but he is not passing out donuts. >> jimmy: he is not. [ laughter ] a second is jeffrey tambor, who's won in that category a couple of times. he has an 18% chance of winning. >> 18. that's strong. i would guess i'm probably next. >> jimmy: then william h. macy is next. he has a 12 1/2% chance of winning. then aziz ansari. [ laughter ] >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: but then -- >> there must be a typo. >> jimmy: then anthony anderson. >> and then you're in sixth. you have a 1.96 -- >> 1.96% chance to win. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's good. >> i would rather not be nomite
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>> jimmy: it seems that you almost weren't. [ laughter ] how's your personal life going? how are the kids doing? do you guys take a big family vacation this summertime? >> no. family policy is no vacation. >> jimmy: that's the policy? >> i don't let the kids leave the house. no, we went down south to vacation to they're down some statues. >> jimmy: that's fun. so no vacation for the kids. no disneyland? you don't do anything like that? >> they don't know what disneyland is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they don't? >> no. >> jimmy: they have no idea what disneyland -- how do you keep kids from knowing what disneyland is? >> the only thing my kids know about is driving around and seeing the billboards in this town. my son's like what's "boss baby"? i don't know what "boss baby" is! [ laughter ] no marketing to children. >> jimmy: okay. well, maybe you should paint up the windows in your car.
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you know? >> in the hummer? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i never imagined you as a hummer driver. we're going to take a break here. we're going to figure out what's going on with everybody in our audience. and when we come back, we'll see a clip from zach galifianakis's new film "tulip fever," which opens september 1st. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the newly redesigned hyundai sonata. their best sonata ever. see more at hyundai.com. with directv nfl sunday ticket. we want falcons in new york. jets in la. bears in new orleans. or buccaneers in a quaint, little new england bed and breakfast. can you please pass the marmalade, charlie? i sure can, crazy pirate. switch to directv and get every game, every sunday with nfl sunday ticket. call 1-800-directv.
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where in god's name have you been? >> i've been fighting gypsies. i've been fighting bakus. i fought and i won. >> where's the package? garrett. the package. >> the onion? >> you bloody fool. >> that is zach galifianakis in "tulip fever." it opens on september 1st. i liking you do an accent. giving 100%. >> that's jude
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dubbed over mine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? they brought someone in to overdub. they wanted your face and his voice. that's interesting. >> that movie is very beautiful little movie. and we shot it in london. it was a lot of fun to do. a lot of fun. >> jimmy: what part of london did you shoot it in? [ laughter ] >> downtown. [ laughter ] right downtown london. right by the ferris wheel. [ laughter ] well, we shot it in a studio. we shot it in a studio. and then we shot some of it in norfolk, which is outside of london. >> jimmy: there's a norfolk over there. >> yeah. i think the original norfolk's there. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. they have cheerleaders who their chant is we don't drink, we don't smoke, norfolk, norfolk. [ applause ] but i -- that movie is based on the tulip -- do you want t
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>> jimmy: yeah, sure i want to know what the movie's about. i saw the movie. i enjoyed the movie. but they don't know what the movie's about. >> it's set in olden days. >> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] >> that's all you need to know. no, it's about the open exchange of the tulip market back in the day. and it's kind of the open -- the first kind of open market like this. it's kind of an interesting historical story and it's a lot of factually based. but when i was working in london, in downtown london, i remember working there, and someone politely had gotten a massage for me as a gift. >> jimmy: oh. >> the lady came to my hotel to give me a massage. [ laughter ] . i know it's weird to say that bout people -- >> jimmy: yeah, it sounds dirty. >> this was not a happy ending type -- [ laughter ] this is a happy beginning. cut right to the chase. no. anyway. this woman comes over to give me a massage.
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down, and she's massaging me. and i had pretty depressing, sad music on. and "cactus tree" by joni mitchell was on. and i'm on my stomach, and i feel teardrops. this woman started crying while she was massaging because she heard the music. and it was weird to have someone sobbing and instead of massage oil hear tear glands were going back -- i know, it's weird. >> jimmy: it's very weird. >> and then a happier song came on. i think it was kool & the gang, "celebration." [ laughter ] and then she stopped crying and then another sad song came on and she cried again. it was so strange. ian, remember that? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: he was there? that's a very, very strange experience. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know -- >> it had nothing to do with the
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>> jimmy: it had nothing to do with the movie. but it was about your time downtown. you are on a show, and this turned out to be -- i'm on this show as well. don rickles's last project, last thing he worked on. it was called "dinner with don." i think they have a website dinner with don.com. and don would sit down, you'd have dinner with don and talk to him. and he recorded these conversations with various interesting people. was don a friend of yours? is he somebody that you knew well? >> i admired him so much as a comic. unfortunately, i had dinner with him after he passed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, that's -- >> don would have liked it! [ laughter ] don would have liked that joke! [ applause ] please edit that out. please edit that out. i told you i didn't want to say that. >> jimmy: you know, that's the worst time to have it. it really is. you should try to get in
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during that conversation? >> i honestly think he didn't know who i was. >> jimmy: really? >> and i think he thought why am i having a conversation with this p.a.? we talked about, you know, comedy and his start. and you know, and how long he's been doing it, which is i think what kept him so young and vibrant. >> jimmy: yeah. >> what did you guys talk -- did you -- >> jimmy: same things. same exact things. no, we -- i know don pretty well. so we talked about -- i think we talked about las vegas and a little bit about him being in the war, you know, and that kind of stuff. >> yeah, he was in the war. that's right. >> jimmy: he was in the war. he was -- it's very interesting because he was -- he says he was terrified. of course he's in the war. and they put him on a ship with a bunch of other guys, and he was scared. and so he just became the funniest guy on the ship. and his superior officer protected him because -- i mean, literally his sense of humor may have saved his life. >> yeah, it can happen. >> jimmy: which is a weird thing to think, that the
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we like best are going to be the ones that we don't put in the front. we're going to put don in the back because he's funny. >> he keeps us laughing. yeah. exactly. >> jimmy: like ian would be way in the front of the boat. [ laughter ] ian would be -- >> i love that there's a camera person right behind ian. >> jimmy: well, that's the ian cam. [ laughter ] [ applause ] all right. sorry, ian. the movie's called "tulip fever." it is in theaters on september 1st. [ cheers and applause ] zach galifianakis's great show "baskets" is nominated for an emmy. thank you very much. zach galifianakis. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: welcome back. lake bell and music from midland is still on the way. but first a few words about the hyundai sonata. did you know the sonata can turn a bad day into a great day? it's absolutely true. and to prove it we sent guillermo out to hollywood boulevard to turn people's frowns upside down. >> guillermo: hi. how are you? >> i'm doing great. >> guillermo: all right. never mind. get out of here. are you having a good day or a bad day? >> i'm having a great day. >> guillermo: must be nice. are you having a good day or a bad day? >> so far bad day, man. >> not a
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>> a little bit of a bad day, actually. >> guillermo: why? >> because my kids were up all night. i didn't get any sleep. >> guillermo: you want me to change your bad day to a good day? >> sure. >> guillermo: who is ready for a fun day in a hyundai? >> i am. >> guillermo: it rhymes, huh? you guys get it? andale, hyundai. let's go. who wants a prize? >> i do. >> guillermo: i have a sundae for you. for you guys i have a banana split. sundae selfie. everybody smile. relax. >> perfect, man. i needed this. >> guillermo: i accept tips. hey, josh. >> yes, sir. >> guillermo: do you miss your family? >> yeah, i do. >> guillermo: loser. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. >> guillermo: oh, my god. i think one of them peed on me. [ laughter ] ♪ sweet caroline ♪ pa, pa, pa ♪ good times never seemed so
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does everybody feel better now? >> yeah! >> dicky: the newly redesigned hyundai sonata makes every mile a little better. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with lake bell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ having moderate to severe plaque psoriasis is not always easy. it's a long-distance run. and you have the determination to keep going. humira has a proven track record of being prescribed for nearly 10 years. humira works inside the body to target and help block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to symptoms. in clinical trials, most adults taking humira were clear or almost clear and many saw 75% and even 90% clearance in just four months. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal, infections and cancers, including lymphoma have happened as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common,
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t to last. that's why we got a subaru. s
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. midland is on the way. our next guest is a gifted actress, an award-winning filmmaker and a body of water, too. her new movie is "i do until i don't." it opens september 1st. please welcome lake bell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> hi. >> jimmy: well, first i want to say congratulations. you had a baby a few months ago. >> i did. >> jimmy: very exciting. [ applause ] >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: when you tell people that you had a baby three months ago and they see you, do they become angry at you? >> they're just like which spanx
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did you buy? that's usually the next question. >> jimmy: spanx. okay. >> it's all about just ratcheting it in. >> jimmy: you had a son. you named him ozzy. which is a cute name. >> osgood. good man. >> jimmy: is he named after ozzy osbourne? >> no. but we can go with that. >> jimmy: i thought maybe that might have played some part in it. >> he's great. it's one of those things where he -- my husband and i, scott, we were so excited to just have one kid. you know, we have a beautiful daughter, nova. she's awesome. named after the chevy, obviously. [ laughter ] it's also celestial. but you know what i mean. more so the chevy. and we were so excited to kind of trfl the world. you know, we're going to be modern. we don't have to have two kids. and then we had sexual intercourse. >> jimmy: oh, you did. [ laughter ] >> yeah. i like that there was a clap. was that ian? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was ian, yeah. [ applause ] >> he's like sexual
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how are you? good to see you. >> jimmy: he's doing really well. we don't know how he's doing really. we'll check back. >> he'll never tell us. >> jimmy: because he doesn't know. >> it's a mystery. he's a mystery. >> jimmy: so is your daughter enjoying her baby brother? is she aware of -- >> yeah. to be honest, no. >> jimmy: she's not. why? >> she plays with the baby dolls and stuff so, i thought it would be a shoo-in, like a real live baby doll. but no, she's having trouble with it. but it's funny. her main thing is she just wants screen time because we haven't done that yet. like the phones and stuff. >> jimmy: oh, you haven't let her touch an ipad or anything? >> not yet. you know, we're going to do it. it's part of the thing, right? she's going to get there. >> jimmy: right. >> i'm not that new age. i understand that it exists. >> jimmy: how old do you think she will be when you allow that? >> i don't know. but i will -- maybe -- i don't know. she's turning 3. maybe for her third birthday she can have like t
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i don't know. i'm a terrible mother. but -- very strict. but because she loves her phone so much we got her kind of like a play phone, you know. we were at rite aid or something and oh, there's a play phone, just get it, because she won't play with ours. and i heard her. we took it out of the packaging, she's in her car seat, and i heard her talking to some guy named mark. she was like, "hey, mark. comma. how are you today, mark?" and i all of a sudden realized, like who are you talking to? and she's like question mark. [ laughter ] and i was like who is question -- oh. we always do the dictation. honey, i'll be there. are you okay, question mark. it looks like i'm running late, comma. can you prepare dinner, period. >> jimmy: so your daughter's only friends are punctuation. that's very interesting. [ laughter ]
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wow. do you feel like your priorities have -- your world has been turned upside down? >> so vastly. because when you have one kid you kind of think it's really hard. and then you have as you well know -- >> jimmy: it's exponentially harder. >> it's like you're in the big leagues. >> jimmy: for sure. >> any dad likes to give me advice. yeah, now you have kids. before you had a kid. now you have kids. i don't really know -- >> jimmy: it's actually a wise thing to say. >> you're just like wrangling. there's so much wrangling and so many logistics. there was -- your marriage turns into just a logistics conversation. >> jimmy: what do you mean by that specifically? >> the other day, and i promise this is without hyperbole, this really happened, i -- we were going through our schedules. we really made a schedule, like a moment in our schedule to plan our schedule. >> jimmy: you scheduled your scheduling. >> that happened. so there's like an event, like just schedule to
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scheduling for the rest of the week. >> jimmy: that's kind of terrible, isn't it? >> it's terrible. oh, i haven't slept. >> jimmy: and do you ever miss that schedule? is that a regularly scheduled scheduling event? >> you can't -- you mean to schedule? >> jimmy: yes. to schedule. >> that's regularly on the schedule. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and now not only are you in this movie, you directed the movie, you wrote the movie. did you produce the movie as well? >> i did just all of it. >> jimmy: you did everything on the movie. >> give me some more hats, yeah. >> jimmy: so you probably don't have any free time at all. this is your second movie you that did all on your poen oown, basically. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it easier the second time around? >> no. >> jimmy: it's not. i would think it would be. >> i think because i took on so much, this particular movie has seven main characters and you know, part of it for me, the hardest part of this one was that the character that i play is sort of meek and low status, you know. she's sort of -- she's based on my mom, but my mom is
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tremendous woman. she's just very patrician and slight. and like wears a lot of beige. you know, just all beige. just whites and beige and egg shell. and so there's just something very sort of small about her. and when you're a director you have to be like powerful. and like i got this, i can answer any question. back to one. you know. so i had to figure out how to like vacillate and kind of flip-flop between those two people. so i got this system where i have a fanny pack, which i love incidentally. a fanny pack. >> jimmy: you endorse the fanny pack. >> highly. oh, yeah. and it's good for mothers too. so if you're a mom and a director, both of those things, it's great for a fanny pack. >> jimmy: if you're not a mother, though, you'll never get anyone to have children with you if you are wearing a fanny pack. [ laughter ] >> ian. i need to talk to you. so but the fanny pack i would keep two scents, like scents. and one of them was sort of like a flowery lame like -- like an
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scent. mm. and then for the powerful moment when i had to go direct i would take out the like fierce spicy -- >> jimmy: axe body spray type of thing. >> it was actually some kind of thai exotic herb just like rrr. probably illegal. >> jimmy: does your mother know she's eh? >> we talked about it. because my mom is not lame. it's just i used her countenance. i used her sort of delicate on the edge of her seat, just her elegance and her sort of like her thisness, whatever this is. that is -- we talked about -- she saw -- of course she read the script and kind of understood what the movie was. but then in sort of seeing the trailer for it she said, you know, i -- i'm a little -- i'm nervous. she said it more like this. i'm a little nervous like and when
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to be near you so i can swat you. >> jimmy: oh, she immediately recognized that you were doing her? >> yeah. she said i saw all the beige and i got concerned. [ laughter ] and i was like, well, look, i mean, if you're -- you know, you've got a kid who's a writer. it's going to happen. >> jimmy: and when you did watch it with her, how did she feel? >> she watted me. >> jimmy: she swatted you. >> by the way, the mere fact she uses the word swat, that's why you've got to write a character -- >> jimmy: yeah. unless you're kicking a door in and you've got a weapon in your hand. >> s.w.a.t. >> jimmy: swat should not be in your vocabulary. >> like it's crazy it's swat or it's swat. >> jimmy: those are your two characters there. s.w.a.t. or swat. >> which one are you? >> jimmy: that's the question that will be answered in the movie. it's called "i do until i don't." it opens september 1st. lake bell. she worked very hard on this. we'll be right back with music from midland. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is present the by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to zach galifianakis and lake bell. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next. but first, this is their album "on the rocks." it comes out september 22nd. here with the song "drinking problem," midland! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ one more night one more down one more one more round ♪ ♪ first one in last one out giving this town lots to talk about ♪ ♪ they don't know what they don't know people say i've ♪ ♪ got a drinkin' problem
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that ain't no reason to stop people saying that ♪ ♪ i've hit rock bottom just cause i'm living on the rocks ♪ ♪ it's a broken-hearted thinking problem ♪ ♪ so pull one more bottle off the wall ♪ ♪ people say i got a drinkin' problem but i've got no ♪ ♪ problem drinkin' at all they keep on talking drawing conclusions ♪ ♪ they call it a problem i call it a solution last call gets ♪ ♪ later and later i come in here so i don't have to hate her ♪ ♪ same old folks same old songs
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the same old same ♪ ♪ old blue neon the same old buzz just because ♪ ♪ people say i've got a drinkin' problem that ain't no ♪ ♪ reason to stop people saying that i've hit rock bottom ♪ ♪ just cause i'm living on the rocks it's a broken hearted ♪ ♪ thinkin' problem so pull one more bottle off the wall ♪ ♪ people say i got a drinkin' problem but i've got no ♪ ♪ problem drinkin' at all they keep on talking drawing conclusions ♪ ♪ they call it a problem i call it a solution just sitting here in ♪ ♪ all my grand illusions
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i call it a solution ♪ ♪ just a solution it's a broken hearted thinkin' problem ♪ ♪ so pull one more bottle off the wall people say i got ♪ ♪ a drinkin' problem but i've got no problem drinkin' at all ♪ ♪ they keep on talking drawing conclusions they call it a problem ♪ ♪ i call it a solution sitting here in all my grand illusions ♪ ♪ they call it a problem i call it a solution ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, after the violent clash of white nationalists and counterprotesters in charlottesville, virginia the president under fire for distributing the blame. >> what about the alt-left? they came charging with clubs in their hands, swinging clubs. >> are his words emboldening hate groups? we're in boston tonight, where what organizers are calling a free speech rally is scheduled for this weekend. >> are you worried there will be violence at the event? >> will it be another american flash point? plus, love me tender. 40 years after his death, devoted fans gathering at graceland to celebrate elvis presley. we'rhe

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