>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, julie bowen. here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you very much. thanks for coming. anybody of you feel that

around 11:00 last night? it sounds terrible to say it was scary after the terrible quake in mexico today and of course they're in our thoughts and prayers, as are those bracing for another hurricane in the caribbean. i know it is nothing by comparison. we had this earthquake. 3.6. which was pretty close by us last night. and i think it is important to treat those as a warning. while you would think in southern california we all know what to do when an earthquake strikes, the truth is we do not know what to do. the first thing did i, i ate all the canned goods in my house. the first thing did i when i felt the earthquake, this is dumb but true. the first thing is i went on twitter to see if it was an earthquake. even though i clearly felt every inch of my house shake, my first instinct was to confirm that what i already knew happened was indeed happened and it turned

luckily nobody got hurt. but take minute to refresh youfl what to do in the event of an quake. don't stand in the doorway. how many people thought you stand in a doorway? you don't. that is outdated advice. you get under the corner of a table or desk is that you get away from the windows. although wait. they'll xhak in five years. they'll say get near a window. do not get under a desk. in other disastrous move, our president is donald trump. he spoke to the representatives of 1 people in chriss. the u.n. general assembly. the president was a little bit disappointed. usually when donald trump meets with representatives from different countries, there's a swimsuit could that petition and they wear sashes. instead he was forced to make a speech. it was

i think i'm pretty sure this was the first time anyone said something like this. >> they're working together in the middle east to crush the loser terrorists and stop the reemergence -- >> loser terrorists. loser is a word you use to describe your sister's fiance. not terrorist. loser is how biff insulted marty mcfly. our president uses to it describe isis. did he a lot of threatening in the speech. he did get a lot done. usually if donald trump wants to yell at that many foreigners in one day, towed visit like nine of his construction sites. he's angry. he said the u.s. is paying for more than we're getting and he gave other leaders a very trumpian look at what the future holds. >> major portions of the world are in conflict. some in fact are going to hell. >> are we sure we'

there? that was some speech. it was probably a hard speech. he's not used to crowds like that. no one was cheering. no one had a red hat on. no one was wearing sleeves. trump also told the group he was prepared to totally destroy north korea. he again called kim jong-un rocket man which i think he does -- i have a theory. i think he does nick nail thing because he can't remember anyone's real name. like when you see the guy at the 7-eleven. hey, buddy, what's going on? he said kim jong-un was rocket man on a suicide mission. if you want to insult kim jong-un, maybe don't make it sound like he's an action packed movie franchise. just call him kim. trump is so anxious to bomb north korea. he even brought the launch button with him to the united nations. and at the end of

ranting and the raving were done, our president made a speech which we slowed down to half speed for tonight's edition of drunk donald trump. >> let's give this as a toast to the potential, the great, great potential of the united nations. thank you all for being here. thank you very much. >> and he pre tends -- oends -t! >> and he pre tends -- oends - ! >> a couple from kansas city had an unfortunate start to their journey as husband and wife. >> oh my god!

yeah. i think he's now everybody gaug, he's now engaged to a fish. we have that couple in our audience tonight. where are they? there they are! there they are. hello. how are you doing? they're from kansas city. you didn't know that we were going to show your video or anything. why did you think you were near l.a.? >> we just thought that we were going to be in the audience as guests. >> jimmy: why did you travel on l.a.? >> with, we're actually interviewing

morning. >> jimmy: no, you're not. there's to 20/20 interview. this is what you're here for. are you disappointed? >> no. not at all. >> jimmy: are you actually engaged? did it get to the the point -- >> we are engaged. >> jimmy: okay. so i have a lot of questions. i'm going to try boil it down. how long did you have that ring before it slimmed out of your fingers? >> less than a minute of. >> jimmy: i mean did you have it at home? were you hiding it? >> since december. >> jimmy: so you've kept it for a while. and then what happened? did you have like a bucket of fried chicken before that? >> no. it jumped out of the box and went into the pond. >> jimmy: so you had a bunk of friends from your church, i think we have a photograph of this. they all got in to help but nobody was able to find it. >> no. >> jimmy: and now here we are. i want to give you -- the reason

to give you a doover, an i do over. we have a bridge. do you ever watch the show the bachelor? so we called a friend. this is neil lane -- ♪ >> oh, my gosh! >> jimmy: thanks for coming. show them what you have in that little box of the. >> this little box. >> jimmy: something special for you. so that is -- what is that? >> an oval cut diamond ring. surrounded by 100 smaller dipds. >> jimmy: 100 smaller diamonds. is that as nice as the ring you lost? we never got to see it. >> i'm pretty sure it is a little bit more. >> jimmy: so give to

husband. thank you very much, neil, for bringing that engagement ring. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: if you want to go ahead and step up on the bridge and go ahead and do it over. here you go. we built a bridge for you. and in case anything happens, where's guillermo? guillermo has a net. and again, seth had no idea this was going to happen. are you ready? >> yes. >> jimmy: then go ahead and propose. here we go. >> babe, we've been together for four years and you're the love of my life. we've had ups and downs and we've gotten through it all. we know this day has been coming for a long time and i love you. i want to spend the rest of my

life with you. will you marry me? >> yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow! congratulations! and they're inviting all of you to the wedding. so fantastic. congratulations! congratulations! we're going to take a break. you guys want to make love or whatever, go right ahead. i'm mad about something. somebody lied to me on this show and i have some things to say about it, so stick around. we'll be right back. you totaled your brand new car. nobody's hurt, but there will still be pain. it comes when your insurance company says they'll only pay three-quarters of what it takes to replace it.

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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. i have something important i want to mention. he know you'll find this hard to believe but a few months ago after my son had open heart surgery, which was something i spoke about on the air, a politician, a senator named bill cassidy from louisiana, was on my show and he wasn't very honest. it seemed like he was being honest. he got a lot of credit and attention for coming off like a rare, reasonable voice in the republican party when it came to health care. for coming one something he called, i didn't name it this. he named it this of the tell jimmy kimmel test which was in a nut shell no, family should be denied medical care, emergency or otherwise because they can't afford it. he agreed to it. he said he would only support a health care bill that made sure a child like mine would get health coverage he needs no,

parents make. that did not have annual or lifetime caps. these insurance companies want lifetime cams to limit how much they have to pay out. so for instance if your son needs he heart surgery, it can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars a piece. if he hits his cap, he is on his own. our current plan protects americans and prevents insurance providers from jacking up the rates for people with pre-existing conditions of all types. and senator cassidy said his plan would do that, too. he said all this on television many times. >> as you present that, i ask, does it pass the jimmy kimmel test? with a child born with a congenital heart disease be able to get everything he would need in that first year of life? i want to it fast jimmy kimmel test. >> so last week, bill cassidy and senator lindsey graham propose ad new bill and it does fast jimmy kimmel test. but a different test.

pre-existing condition will get the care he needs he if and fond his father is jimmy kimmel. otherwise you might be screwed. i don't know what happened to bill cassidy but when he was on this publicity tour, he listed his demands for a health care bill very clearly. these were his words. he said he wants coverage for all. no discrimination based on pre-existing conditions. lower premiums for lower middle class families and no lifetime cams. guess what, the new bill does none of those things. coverage for all? no. in fact it will kick about 30 million americans off insurance. pre-existing conditions? no. if the bill passes, individual states can let insurance companies charge you more if you have a pre-existing condition. you'll find little loophole later on in the document. they can and they will. will it lower premiums? for many it will result in higher premiums. as far as no lifetime caps go,

too which means many states will do that. not only did it fail the jimmy kimmel test, he failed the bill cassidy test. he failed his own test. this bill is worse than the one that thank god, republicans like susan collins and lisa murkowski and john mccain torpedoed over the summer. and i hope they have the good sense to do that. these other guys who claim they want americans to have better health care. even though eight years ago they didn't want they will to have health care at all. they're trying to do this without an natural sfris the bipartisan budget office. they don't even want you to see it. they're having one hearing. i read the hearings being held in a homeland committee and the chairman agreed to allow two witnesses. bill cassidy is that lindsey graham to speak. health care is complicated. it is boring. i don't want to talk about it. the details are confusing and that's what they're relying on. they're counting on y

overwhelmed. that you'll count they will to take care of you and we're looking at our instagram accounts, liking things, while they're voting whether people can afford to keep their children alive. most of the congress people who will vote this probably won't even read it. they want to us treat it like an itunes service agreement. and this guy bill cassidy lied right to my face. do you believe every american regardless of income should be able to get regular check-u check-ups, maternity care, all of those things people need? >> yes, ma'am. >> so yep washington for no. >> i never imagined i would get involved in something like this. my area of expertise is eating pizza and that's about it. we can't let they will do it to our children, our senior citizens, our veterans and anything else. before you post

am politicizing my son's health problems because i have to. [ cheers and applause ] my family has health insurance. we don't have to worry about this. but other people do. so you can shove your disgusting comments where your doctor won't be giving you a prostate exam once they take your health care benefits away. somehow japan, england, canada, germany, france, they all figured out health care out. don't say they have terrible health care. it's just not true. here are just some of the portions oppose this graham/cassidy bill. the american cancer society. the american diabetes association. american heart association. american lung association. the arthritis foundation. cystic fibrosis, the als association, the march of dimes, multiple sclerosis society. anything you've ever given money

do you trust they will or do you trust him? okay. so if this bill isn't good enough for you, call your congress person. that's the number. to go your congress person, wherever he or she is. you have to do this. you can't just click like on this video. tell they will the bill doesn't pass your test. nobody outside of your buddies in congress wants this bill often 12% of americans supported the last one and this one is worse. right now there's a bipartisan groof of senators working to improve the health care system we have. we want quality affordable health care. dozens of other countries figured it out. so enstead of jamming this horrible bill down our throats, go pitch in and be a part of it. i'm sure they could use a guy with your medical back ground. if not, stop using my name. i don't want my name on it. there is a new jimmy kimmel test.

test. you're welcome to stop by the studio and take it any time. all right? all right. no more serious stuff. i'm barely even going to speak english the whole rest of the night. tonight we have music from jason isbell and the 400 unit. and we'll be right back with kirsten dunst. >> check out this year's hottest toys at toys "r" us.com/hot toys.

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always great prices. make home yours. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight, a return to comedy center, the very funny nathan fielder is here. and this album is called the nashville sound. jason isbell and the 400 unit. tomorrow night, kyra sedgwick will be here and adam scott. then on thursday, halle berry and senator franken. our first guest tonight is an emmy and golden globe nominated actress. they used to pay her if skittles. please say hello

♪ >> jimmy: it's very good to have you here. >> nice to be back of. >> jimmy: we have aly bit of a these of the you gotten gangd since the last time i saw you. >> i did. last september. except he didn't drop it. >> jimmy: he probably didn't get it for free. >> definitely not of. >> jimmy: does he ever make comments about how much it costs hip? >> no. he's good. he's not like that. that would be weird. >> jimmy: i hate guys that do that kind of thing. your fiance, you know this, jesse clemens on breaking bad, your co-star in fargo, who you let freeze out.

daylon. >> they're friends. he actually played matt damon young in a movie. i don't know that one. >> jimmy: that wasn't a deal breaker. >> i think it is so cute. >> jimmy: witell, yeah, some sa that. you're being honored with a star on the hollywood walk of fame. >> yeah. i hope i get' good spot. i'll have it in front of your -- >> jimmy: we'll take care of it if you have it in our area. >> let's do a whole tie-in so they don't put me somewhere weird of the. >> jimmy: we watch regis' star. we promised him we would take care of it forever. >> regis philbin? >> jimmy: yeah. is this something that is meaningful to you, living here in last?

walk on me for a while. my mom, i told my mom and she was crying at the grocery store. oh, my god, i'll crying in vonls. i can imagine her sobbing. yeah. >> jimmy: what is saucy susan? >> she likes the put this glaze on a roast chicken. she likes to doctor things up and say that she made them. >> jimmy: i get it. >> she's like i made it. doctored it up. >> jimmy: i learned a little something. does your mom spend a lot of time at vons? >> all the time of the vons. yeah. grocery stores. >> jimmy: is your mother retired now? >> yeah. because of me, actually. >> jimmy: is that right? >> she lives like movie star. >> jimmy: you drove her to exhaustion? >> no. i just spoil my mother. >> jimmy: what did she do before she retired? >> she worked for lufthansa for about ten years.

because she married a german. >> jimmy: wow! that must have been a time when it was really great to get on an airplane. >> yeah. they were drinking and she would let the rolling stones on board. >> jimmy: really! >> yeah. like keith richards was sucking her fingers once. oh, let me get my bags off the bird. she's like, i'll married. but she would send bags, if someone was rude to her. she would send their bag to a different country. this is a type you could get away with that stuff. >> jimmy: i think you still can, based on my experiences of the did you ask your mother if she would have gone hope with keith richards had she not been married? >> no. she was like, his face looked line leather to me. i think that's what she said to me. >> jimmy: is it possible he was sucking her fingers because the

wouldn't allow cigarettes on the plane? [ laughter ] we're going to take a break and talk about this movie. a very interesting movie. kirsten dunst is here.

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you need to tell me where you've been. >> don't touch me. you're sick of the get out of here! get out of here! >> jimmy: that's kirsten dunst in woodshock. it opens on friday. >> the fashion designers, and then they also did all the ballet costumes for black swan. they're very talented. they have their own line of artistry. >> jimmy: this is not your typical film, is it? >> not at all. it is really engrossing. it is almost like watching poem in a way. it is like watching grief. it is something very original and like

>> jimmy: there's not a ton of talking in the movie? >> not a ton, no. it is more the sound and the visuals and everything. >> jimmy: a lot of pot smoking in the movie. >> yes, there is. yes, there is. >> jimmy: and by you. are you method or how does it go? >> not method. you have movie pot which is basically fake. it is like whatever they roll. back ban, if you smoke cigarettes, they roll herby stuff. like fake whatever. >> oregano? that would be disgusting. >> that would be like smoking a pizza. >> jimmy: now you make it sound delicious. >> but we were doing this one scene where you know, obviously, in the movie i don't smoke thatle. when you're doing takes, you're doing one after the next after the next. and i wasn't eating that much at the time. so after we we

back to the scene for a rest and i started to feel like i was losing my mind. i went to the bathroom. i'm pacing. i'm like, there's something wrong with me. i think i need to go to the hospital. there's something seriously, i'll losing my mind i'm shaking, i'm hot, i'm flipping out. one of the producers comes in. and they're like how do you feel? i'm terrible. i don't know what's wrong me. he goes back, he looks at all the, everything that i smoked to make sure serving okay. he came back. oh, you smoked a full one-on-one of the takes. we're talking about humboldt weed. i don't smoke full joints. this is strong [ bleep ] >> jimmy: what happened? one got in there somehow? >> well, they had locals roll the joints for us. >> jimmy: you can never have locals. >> and they just threw some in for fun.

[ bleep ] i was like crying, laughing, eating a penal it butter sandwich. i couldn't film nil. i've never been that stoned in my entire life. to not know you're that stoned is such a mind trip. like a mentalist. >> jimmy: well, if you want to see kirsten dunlts stoned out of her mind, it is called woodshock. it opens on friday. thank you very much.

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it all started when sophia stopped into marshalls and found a mug for surprisingly little green. she paired that with some succulents. and suddenly something clicked. that surprise led to a stylish wood mirror, soothing lavender oils, a party llama... or is that an alpaca? super soft towels, and an enchanting vase that magically tied it all together. she arranged it all into the greatest guest bathroom ever. did sophia expect to get so much bang for so few bucks? no. but great things happen when you choose surprise. marshalls. your surprise is waiting. butralphcandidate foren when yogovernor,rtham,se. and i sponsored is ad. butthey're studying for whe21st century jobs.,se. but ed gillespie supports donald trump's plan

virginia public schools and give it to private schools. as a washington dc lobbyist, ed gillespie worked for lenders trying to keep student loan rates high. and ed gillespie's plan to cut taxes for the wealthy could cut virginia school funding, too. ed doesn't stand for education. >> jimmy: hi there. city to come, jason isbell and the 400 unit. our next guest is so funny they gave him a show with his name on it. season four on comedy central, please welcome nathan fielder! ♪

>> jimmy: you've got a lot of energy. you remind me of a young george lopez. do you get that regularly? >> i love rock 'n' roll. couldn't help but jam a little bit. >> jimmy: thanks for being here. i would like the describe your show to those who haven't seen it. i'll sure do you know a better job frf my perspective, you help small businesses do better. you help them -- >> out of the box and you need marketing strategies to help them make more money. very different stuff that hasn't been done before. >> jimmy: i am surprised that you haven't been arrested yet for some of the things you've done. sometimes you go places where you aren't welcome. >> everything we do is very legal. >> jimmy: everything is legal? >> with, yeah, fortunately, i haven't been arrested making the show. but i recently had like a weird run-in with the law.

>> jimmy: you did. >> yeah of will i don't want to go on a tankent or anything. >> jimmy: that's why we're here. >> i accidentally took someone else's luggage at the airport. like the wrong suitcase. and it almost led to me going to jail. >> jimmy: in what way? >> well, okay, so okay, i was going to a wedding. like an out of town wedding. you've been to weddings before. >> jimmy: i was at one once. yeah. >> so kind of like that except the people are less rich than the people you -- >> jimmy: we call they will regulars. >> yeah, yeah. and i booked my travel with just enough time get to the ceremony so i could -- because i'm a busy guy. >> jimmy: sure. >> so i arrived, i get off the plane, i get my luggage, i go to the hotel. when i opened my suitcase, my jaw literally dropped. none of my clothes inside. but the bag

i'll having this weird thing where i don't understand. i realize what happened. it is like someone will the countial bag to me and i took it. it is a big problem because my suit for the wedding was in my bag and i'm literally in shorts and a t-shirt. >> jimmy: okay. like literally. >> you travel in your worse clothes. if the plane goes down, you won't get blood on your nice clothes. >> jimmy: yeah. you leave them to your heirs. yeah. >> so i'm looking for some way to contact the person because it is like, and i find in the luggage tag is the guy's phone number on it. so i call the person and he answers. and will eye like i'll sorry. i took your bag. and he's weirdly cool about it. for some reason. he understood kind of what happened. he is at the airport with my bag. but we're trying to figure out the logistics of getting, doing the

wedding stuff. but he is over an hour away from me and if i go to get my suit like i'll going to miss thor wedding. if i do it now, i'll miss the wedding. >> jimmy: which is the whole reason you got on the plane in the first place in your shorts. >> so i basically explained there to him and the guy says, he's like, with, you know what? i actually have a suit in my bag. you're welcome to borrow it if you want the of will >> jimmy: his suit. >> yeah. a really nice guy. are you sure? yeah. just don't spill anything on it or something. so eye like, thank you so much. and i put on the suit. the only they can is, it is like way too big for me. >> jimmy: okay. >> actually, i have a photo that i showed the producers. it was in the hotel rule. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. that is too big. way too big.

so he's like, i look like a dick tracy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so anyway, i'll not going on wear shorts. it is better than anything. i have to own it. so i go to, i get in my car and i go there of as i'll getting into the car, i find like in the suit there is like a small zip lock baggy with a powdery substance in it. i'll like, all right. so this guy likes the party, i guess. i don't really know. i'm not thinking about it. i'm running late. so i get in my car and i am late at this point so i am, i'll not proud to admit it but i am like driving over the speed limit. >> jimmy: oh, okay. oh, cool. yeah. and then that's awesome. so yeah. so i then i'll driving down this rural road and i

and a cop pulls me over at this point. and he comes up to the door. he asks for my license and registration. i'm super nervous. these moments are super tense and as a comedian my instinct is to diffuse the situation with a joke. so i say like, will i'm just going off the top of my head thankful god you're not the fashion police or i would be in big trouble right now. >> jimmy: again, this is -- you're dressed like that. right. >> the cop doesn't laugh. but then i look over at the seat. i look down beside me and i realize i left the baggy on the seat beside me. and i'm thinking, okay. this isn't good. because when i look, he looks and he goes,

least suspicious thing you can say. oh, i don't know. it's not mine. >> jimmy: you, as criminals go, you wouldn't be a great one. >> wasn't great. and the guy says hand it to me. so i give him the baggy and i'm like freaking out. because i'm like, i've always felt like i wouldn't fare very well in prison. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i desperately am trying, i'm saying, look, i got the wrong bag in the airport. that's why i have the big suit. that's why i made the fashion police joke. i have nothing against any time of police. i'm just trying to say whatever to talk my way out of it and i realize i have to give him this guy's info. i'm taking off. i just called the guy. let me call him. i dialed guy up. the cop is staring at me and not saying a word.

and i say to him, hey, man, i'm really sorry. but i found something in your suit and i'm with a cop now and you have to talk to him. i'm so sorry. and i give the phone to the cop. and the cop takes it. and hesitates and puts it to his ear and says what's in the baggy? then there's this long silence while the cop is listening. and then he looks at the baggy again and then hands back the baggy to me with my phone and says, okay. you're good. and so i say to him, i'm like, what did he say? was in the baggy? and he said it is his mother's ashes. >> jimmy: so you must have been --

[ applause ] >> firstly i've never been so relieved to find out i was holding human remains. but so it was so obviously ashes after i saw it. i don't know what drugs are. you can basically put anything in a baggy and i would think it was drugs. >> sure. >> jimmy: you are out of your [ bleep ] mind. [ laughter ] your first show is a one-hour special where you look back at some of the people. the business people you helped. >> yeah. this thursday we revisit people from past seasons. it is called a celebration. >> jimmy: the show is very funny and it is season four. it starts september 28th on comedy central. nathan fielder, everybody. we'll be right back with jason isbell and the 400 unit.

>> the jimmy kim he will live concert series presented by mercedes-benz. do you want to do a monster check? yes. no monsters. ♪

how about the drawer? ♪ no monsters. nightly monster checks are how grant makes home his. and homegoods is what makes it all possible. amazing finds. always great prices. make home yours.

the jimmy kimmel live concert series presented by mercedes-benz. >> jimmy: thanks to kirsten dunst. our apologies to matt damon. first, jason isbell and the 400 unit. ♪ it's not the long flowing dress that you're in ♪ ♪ or the light coming off of your skin the fragile heart you protected for so long ♪

♪ or the mercy in your sense of right and wrong it's not your hands searching slow in the dark ♪ ♪ or your nails leaving love's watermark it's not the way you talk me off the roof ♪ ♪ your questions like directions to the truth ♪ ♪ it's knowing that this can't go on forever likely one of us will have to spend some days alone ♪ ♪ maybe we'll get forty years together but one day i'll be gone or one day you'll be gone ♪ ♪ if we were vampires and death was a joke we'd go out on the sidewalk and smoke ♪

♪ and laugh at all the lovers and their plans i wouldn't feel the need to hold your hand ♪ ♪ maybe time running out is a gift i'll work hard 'til the end of my shift ♪ ♪ give you every second i can find and hope it isn't me who's left behind ♪ ♪ it's knowing that this can't go on forever likely one of us will have to spend some days alone ♪ ♪ maybe we'll get forty years together but one day i'll be gone or one day you'll be gone ♪

♪ ♪ it's knowing that this can't go on forever likely one of us will have to spend some days alone ♪ ♪ maybe we'll get forty years together but one day i'll be gone or one day you'll be gone ♪

[ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, talking tough. >> rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself and his regime. >> president trump and his first address to the u.n., vowing to totally destroy north korea if the u.s. is forced to defend itself. in the air above south korea with the f-16 pilots always prepared for the unimaginable. >> best way to prevent a war. >> plus, bob woodward on the edge of tyranny. the boundary between north korea and china. >> look at this warning. do not converse or exchange objects with p