>>. [ speaking foreign language ] >> what's up brother, how are you? >> are you ready to host the show, mr. shaquille o'neal? >> yes, i'm ready. all right, i'll see you out there. >> mr. shaquille o'neal, jimmy always give me a piggy back ride to the station. >> are you playing with me? >> no, i'm not a player. i'm a lover. >> all right, let's do it. jump. jump! jump up! all right. >> ouch! faster. faster. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live" with special

guest host shaquille o'neal! tonight, mila kunis, from "criminal minds," aisha tyler, and music from ty dolla $ign featuring yg. and now, here's shaquille o'neal! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> welcome to "jimmy kimmel live."

i am your guest host tonight. shaquille o'neal. [ applause ] that's right. tonight, abc goes from "black-ish" to "shaq-ish." before we get started, i have one rule tonight. if you don't laugh, i'll kick your ass. got it? that goes for you too, ga-lare-mo. >> it's guillermo. >> whatever. for those of you wondering where jimmy is, he's right here. he was delicious. and he will be missed. [ belches ] all right. [ applause ] let's do a monologue. do you guys like impressions? that's too bad. because i don't do that. hosting a late night show is a new thing for me. it's like when michael jordan decided to play baseball, except

[ laughter and applause ] i have all the things you need to host this show. a suit, a band, and a stupid, no-talent nemesis. jimmy has matt damon, i have charles barkley. he's like a balder, fatter matt damon. as you may know, i have a lot of nicknames. superman, the diesel, shaq fu, big daddy. but now that i'm a late night host, i came up with a new nickname for myself. arsenio tall. [ applause ] what about jimmy shaq-immel. i've got more. phil dona-huge.

[ laughter ] conan o'high-one. shaq paar. oprah win-free-throws. anderson hooper. black say-jack. alright that's enough. [ cheers and applause ] we're gonna have a good time tonight, but i gotta be honest, my day got off to a bad start. i woke up, had my morning bowl of fruity pebbles, and saw this messed up story on the news. >> the oklahoma city thunder basketball team had a scare in the air. take a look at the nose cone here. something hit their flight during a recent flight and dented it. officia officials for delta airline think it was a bird strike. >> or shaq shooting

free-throw. [ laughter and applause ] >> those bastards! i'll never watch channel 5 again. is everybody ready for halloween tomorrow? [ cheers and applause ] at my house we do things a little different. the trick-or-treaters have to dunk on me to get candy. "not in my house elsa!" halloween candy is actually kind of a sore subject for me. they call it "fun size," but look at this. when you're my size, this isn't fun. this is bullshit. [ laughter and applause ] here.

tonight. [ applause ] and, yes, all of them are over six feet tall. today is "take your enormous children to work day." we had to put them in the back row so they don't block any of the cameras. [ laughter and applause ] thanks for being here. love you guys. speaking of kids, you know how every year jimmy has parents pretend they ate all their kids' halloween candy? if you haven't seen it before, it goes like this. >> last night, we ate all your candy. >> why? >> because it was good. >> you ruined my life! >> we ate all your halloween candy.

[ stomping ] [ laughter ] >> mommy and i last night, we were watching a movie and we ate all of your candy. >> no! >> here, step up, look at it again. all gone. [ crying ]. >> i got really, really hungry, and i ate all your halloween candy while you were at school. >> how? >> what do you mean how? i ate it. >> i don't want to see you ever again. now go get a job. [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm sorry, but that's hilarious. well guess what, the youtube challenge is happening again this year. if you want to be a part of it, here's what you do. after your kids trick-or-treat, pretend you ate all their candy and record it.

then put it on youtube with the title "hey jimmy kimmel, i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy." don't do anything stupid to put your kids in danger and look out for a message from the show. your video could be on tv later this week. how am i doing so far? [ applause ] for me, this is super exciting. i'm halfway through my first monologue. i've already had a late night show for longer than magic johnson. hey, do you guys want to see my favorite youtube video of the year? it stars a little kid who got very sleepy in a very weird place.

[ applause ] >> we've all been there, buddy. i love that clip. in fact, i love it so much, i bought the movie rights to that young man's story. take a look. >> based on the extraordinary true story of a baby sleeping in a toilet -- shaquille o'neal is "toilet baby." "rolling stone" raves, a powerful affirmation of the human spirit. "the new york times" writes shaq's best performance since kazam. and entertainment weekly said i just spent two hours

giant sleep in a toilet and i loved it. featuring academy award winner morgan freeman as the voice of the father. >> joey? joey, i need to use the toilet. >> paramount pictures and kohler kitchen and bath present -- >> why the ple[ bleep ] you wake up? >> -- "toilet baby." >> somebody help me out the toilet! [ cheers and applause ] >> your move, meryl streep. we got a great show for you tonight. aisha tyler is here. we have music from ty dolla sign featuring yg, and we'll be right back with mila kunis. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i am your guest host shaquille o'neal. [ cheers and applause ] hey ga-lare-mo. i heard something during the commercial break. do you still have a cat? >> yeah. >> what was his name? >> kobe. >> what happened to him? >> he was a very nice cat. good cat, but he died. >> i'm sorry to hear that. that's the first kobe i know that's ever passed. [ laughter and applause ] but anyway, coming up, she

episode of her show "criminal minds." aisha tyler is here. and then, his album is called "beach house three." ty dolla sign featuring yg from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage. [ applause ] andy, widen out, widen out, show that hall of fame ring. tomorrow night, gave grohl will be here guest hosting a big halloween show with kristen bell and alice cooper. [ applause ] on wednesday, my man crush, the beautiful, sexy channing tatum will be the host with his guests ellen degeneres and pink. and on thursday, your host will be jennifer lawrence with guest kim kardashian. but tonight, you're getting some alone time with me, baby. [ cheers and applause ] >> our first guest tonight is a big movie star even though she's only the size of my thumb.

starting wednesday, you can see her in the new comedy, "a bad moms christmas." please welcome the very talented, mila kunis. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> what's going on! you've got some zingers tonight. >> well, thank you. >> i mean -- >> you look great. >> why, thank you. what's on your hand? >> this is my hall of fame ring. >> is it real? oh, that says yes. >> of course it's real. >> shaq, you can't wear that. that's not okay. that's huge. >> i earned this. >> yeah, put it in like a safety deposit box. >> i know you're a laker fan, but are you a

>> uh, yeah. yeah, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, we have to rally. did you watch yesterday's game? >> no, i did not. but i heard about it. >> what's wrong with you? >> i'm a yankees fan. ♪ >> what do you mean, you're a yankees fan! >> i'm from new jersey. >> get him off, you guys. get out of here. >> how many dodger dogs can you eat? >> honestly? >> honestly. >> three, with the bun. >> with the bun? >> yeah, no problem. four, five, if i want to feel like [ bleep ]. but if i want to feel okay, three. >> are you loud in the stands? >> in all depends. i'm a mother. so i'm respectful of children. and if there's

me, i will not yell profanities, but if there's no said child in my vicinity, yes, [ bleep ], i scream. [ applause ] >> thank you. >> now that you say that, i can remember hearing your game at the lakers game. >> i scream so much. >> make a damn free-throw, shaq! hustle back on defense, shaq! >> you are really fun to watch, i gotta say. >> thank you. so halloween is coming up. >> yes. >> you have a very important decision. do you go trick-or-treating, or do you go to game 7? >> it's not that hard of a decision. i'm going to game 7. here's the thing -- no, no, it's game 6, to be exact. but who's counting, clearly not a yankee fan. here's the great news about this, i have a 3-year-old, who has no concept of time. so we, in our neighborho,

saturday. so she got to go trick-or-treating, 200 kids showed up. it was like mazes and haunted houses and everything. so as far as she's concerned, she did halloween. >> do you like dressing up for halloween? >> i love it. i really do. do you want me to tell you what i went as this year? >> yes, tell me. >> this is what sucks about having a kid, because they tell you what to do and you listen. you pick your battles and this is not one of them. i was trying to convince my daughter, don't you want to be like batman or superman, or something awesome? she's like, no, mom, i'm going to be cinderella. i'm like, ooh, gross. my kid is in a cinderella dress. and i said, momma's going to be, i started naming off anything like hans sole o. and she's like, no,

gonna be -- guess what i was. >> elsa. >> i had a blonde wig and everything. >> this is the last time i did halloween right here, i was a tree. [ applause ] >> is this cute? >> it's kinda cute. i don't want to say the word cute because you're giant and i'm scared, but yes, you were cute. >> you saved your husband from getting beat up? >> i did? >> yes. >> oh, no, i don't know where this is going, you guys. what did i do? >> i was a fan of his show. so when i finally meet him, let's just say it's on a friday. i said, you'll never punk me. bet 100,000. so he punks me the next day. i was so pissed, i was going to kill him. but then when i saw he was married to you, i let him go. >> he's a good guy. >> give him a hug and a kiss from me. >> he did try to punk me a couple of times. and he failed numer

[ laughter and applause ] >> so, have either of your kids ever fell asleep on the toilet? >> uh, no. i don't think so. she's maybe gotten a little sleepy. that was really funny. was this cgi or did they build a giant toilet? >> they built a giant toilet. and it looked so nice, i told them to fedex it to my house, i'm keeping that. >> if you have to have a giant toilet, but that's too crowd. we're too high brow for that conversation. >> i use a regular toilet. >> i do too. and i'm a quarter of your size. >> i'm a big guy but i have a regular ass. [ laughter and applause ] >> what are

>> 7'1". >> that's tall, not human. >> are those boots? >> yes. >> can you stand up so we can see those? >> hello. this outfit, to me, reminded me of julia roberts in "pretty woman," and i was like, this is classy. i will wear this on jimmy kimmel. and it's on hollywood boulevard, so i felt like it was most appropriate. >> you look awesome. more with mila kunis when we come back. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live!" are brought to you by captain morgan. don't just halloween. halloween like a captain. ♪ come on mom! ♪

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>> no more perfect gifts, no more perfect anything. >> let's put the ass back in christmas. >> that didn't come out exactly as i plain planned it, but you guys know what i mean. >>

>> to taking christmas back! >> welcome back. i am shaquille o'neal, subbing in for jimmy kimmel. i'm here with the lovely mila kunis. so this movie is kind of a dirty christmas movie. can you say that stuff on tv? >> [ bleep ] yeah, you can. i mean, it's late night, so you can do anything. >> yeah, that's true. tell us about the movie. >> the movie is called "a bad moms christmas," it's a continuation of the last one, less than a year ago, because we produce fast. and the moms are met with their opposition, which happens to be their mothers. so you see our group of gals regress to being teenagers and you understand why they are the way they are based on who their mothers are. it's actually a beautiful story. it's funny. >> don't be mad at me, but i saw a bootleg version of the movery earlier. >> o

>> and i saw that you gave santa a lap dance and you cursed out kenny g. >> yeah, i did. >> were those life-long dreams of yours? >> you know what, i was so pleasantly surprised that kenny g. said yes. there's a really funny moment in the movie where he was our wish of something that we could get, somebody like kenny g., kenny g. they were like, forget it, let's just get kenny g. and i'm like, if he says yes to this gag, he's my new favorite person. he was so funny about it, that i do applaud me some kenny g. and his good, solid sense of humor. however, the lap dance was three in the morning in atlanta wearing coats. it was horrible. and there was like a little kid in the beginning, that ended up getting cut out. and she believes in santa because santa exists, in

they're watching. so we had to refer to santa for 16 hours. santa, please get on your marks, santa. i'm not kidding. it's much harder than you think. >> i know. how old will your kids have to be before you let them watch the movie? >> i don't know. i don't know. it's weird, because there's bill boards everywhere in l.a. right now. in the billboard, i'm wearing a santa hat. my daughter has no clue what i do for a living. she thinks mommy gets hair and makeup. she comes to the hair and makeup trailer and she leaves. so she saw this bill baboard of with a santa hat, and she's like, that's funny, why is momma wearing a santa hat? i'm like, i don't know. so i don't know when she's going to see any of my movies, because none of them are okay. i clearly don't make movies for children, you guys. >> i read something very interesting. i heard that you don't buy your kids stuff for christmas?

i'm not like anti-gifts. i just don't over-gift my child because -- [ gasps ]. >> what did you do? >> i'm shaq-a-clause. >> no, no. you can go into business with shaq-a-grandparents over there and you can all take care of business. she's overwhelmed with presents. what do you give your children? oh e no. >> everything they want.com. >> you do, don't you? you do! you're such a sucker. >> i have six, three boys and three girls. they're here, they're actually up there. >> where? >> up there. say hi, at the top. >> those are your spoiled brats? >> yes. >> what's the last gift that y'all got? >> i don't know. just got

>> oh, yeah, a phone, i got it yesterday. >> i bought her an iphone yesterday. >> was your phone broken? >> yeah, the whole screen. >> that's okay, that doesn't count. >> she called me and i delivered in ten minutes or less. can you buy me a phone? sure, baby. >> your kids are quiet, unlike you. three boys, three girls? >> yes. >> are you guys all tall? >> very tall. that's why they're sitting up top, so they don't block the cameras. okay, explain to me about christmas. do you buy them birthday presents? >> no, i give them presents. i'm not anti-gifts, it's just that they get so many wonderful gifts from my family and my husband's family, that he and i give literally one present. and i know that story got taken out of control, like no presents for my daughter. my son is 11 months old, so he gets boob and

that's right, boobs, we got them. i said boobs. >> okay. i have a great gift idea for your daughter. >> no. >> here it is. >> hello, i've been waiting for your call. >> i have so much to tell you. >> let's share secrets. >> wait until you see my new hat. >> i just love to go shopping. >> i do too! >> that's great. >> do you like pizza? >> so much. >> yeah. i have something to tell you. >> what? >> i love you. >> i love you. >> batteries not included. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god, i hate you, first of all, but second of all, do you want to hear something really funny? my grandfather, who is like 94 and awesome will tell everybo

granddaughter was going to make it after her telephone tammy commercial. like to this day, i peaked, that was the hazardous waseight of m. was this the producers? >> no, that was all me. >> telephone tammy. >> they don't like the cords. they like cordless now. >> "a bad moms christmas" opens in theatres wednesday. mila kunis everybody! we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: this week on "jimmy kimmel live!" special guest hosts, dave grohl, channing tatum, and jennifer lawrence, with their guests, kristen bell, ellen degeneres and kim kardashian west. plus music from alice cooper, pink, and linkin bridge. that's this week on "jimmy

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>> i like your mummy costume. >> i'm not a mummy. i'm a toilet paper guy. >> oh. >> guillermo! >> help me, captain morgan. i'm trapped at a very boring halloween party. >> i'm on my way! >> wow, that was fast. captain. >> captain. >> captain. ♪ ♪ >> thank you for saving halloween! >> don't mention it, my man. hey, what's up, toilet paper guy? >> finally, someone who gets

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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> welcome back. i'm shaquille o'neal in for jimmy kimmel tonight. my next guest is a very funny actor and comedian. she also directed the episode of her show "criminal minds" that airs this wednesday. please welcome the very busy, aisha tyler! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ . >> hello, hi. >> hello, beautiful, how are you? >> doing wonderful. how are you? >> i'm good. >> thanks for having me on your show tonight. this night, it's your show. but tonight it's your show. >> i've been on longer

magic johnson, so i'm happy. [ laughter ] >> a lot of people don't know, we work together. >> yeah, we worked together several times. >> when was the last time i saw you? >> we just did lip sync battle together last season. >> that's right. [ applause ] and, you know, i'm woman enough to admit that shaq beat me, but it was very close. l.l. had to ask the audience twice, and then they just voted for the person with more meat on them. he just had a foot on me. just got a foot, extra claps. >> because we know each other, i thought you wouldn't mind if we shared a dressing room. this is me earlier. >> yeah, we are good friends. were we sharing a dressing room? >> this is me. >> well, i'm excited that we have photographic proof that you are a large man, but your ass is normal size, because it's like -- it's like

your ass in towards the middle, like a little -- shaq, you got a fun-size ass, my friend. >> well, thank you. >> oh, now it's crazy. >> we have something else in common. tell us about this photo right here. >> oh, my god. so this is a picture of me in the sixth grade, and i'm six feet tall, and i've been that tall since second grade. and as you can see, this girl right here, seems like she's standing four or five feet behind me, she's hanging off my arm like a sloth. i'm so much bigger than she is, i'm dancing and she's swinging from my bicep. i was a giant, giant kid. >> this is me in kindergarten. [ laughter and applause ] >> and looks like you're jumping. you're just standing there while the tiny

kindergartners, please, give us the ball, sir, may we have some more? it's weird, because when you're tall, mostly you're proportionate, but as in your case, you have a tiny bottom. and i have really tiny toes. whenever i get a pedicure, they're like, your toes are so small. so i wonder if your toes are normal size or fun size toes. >> you call those little toes? >> i can't get them out of these shoes. that i welded to my feet. but my pinkie toe is like a math problem. you just look at it to see if it's there. >> mine too actually. >> you were a host on "the talk." >> yeah, six seasons on "the talk." >> how am i doing? >> you're doing great. i did six years of "the talk" and five years of a podcast called "girl on guy," so i have great tips for

i did 300 episodes of that show. if you don't know where to start, ask somebody where they were born. because everybody loves to talk about themselves. once you take them back to their childhood, they get warm feelings about how they dunked on all the tiny white kids in their school and then they gradually open up. and then the second thing is, you want your guest to win. you already won, because you're behind the table and you got this big ass hub cap on your hand. you're already a winner. so you want your guest to win. that's your job. if they win, you win. high tide raises all boats. and don't forget to plug their [ bleep ], man. if they leave and you don't plug their [ bleep ], they'll be so mad at you. so that's my advice. and also give your ring away. [ cheers and applause ] >> everyone knows you're a very busy lady, you have a lot of jobs. so what do you want to plug first? >> i wish i was like an auctioneer and i

fast. i just directed my first episode of "criminal minds," it airs this wednesday. so much fun. you can see me every week on "criminal minds," on the ninth season of "archer," which starts in march of 2018 next year, streaming now on netflix, "who's line is it anyway" on the cw. all five seasons of my podcast "girl on guy" are on itunes now. and i directed my first feature film, it's called "axis," it will be at the portland film festival this weekend and in austin the first week of december. after which i'm going to have a stroke and die! [ cheers and applause ] >> so we know you directed your first episode. did you direct yourself? and are you easy to work with? >> oh, i'm a diva. i stomped away from my myself. i slapped myself in the face. no, i really love directing and a lot of other

"criminal minds" have directed. but the girl thing, i don't know if you find this in sports, but we're a team first, and everybody was rooting for me and they put up with me while i was figuring it out. but the actors on my show were unbelievable. and this is a kick ass episode, i'm really proud of it. >> you play a fbi agent. >> i do. >> did you know i'm a detective? >> i did know, because i had douft for fingerprints on my sofa bed. >> watch the episode of "criminal minds" november 1st on cbs. we'll be right back with ty dolla sign and yy. -- and yg. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. next, the bombshell charges from the special counsel, one of his foreign policy advisers pleading guilty. is ralph northam: i'm ralph northam, candidate for governor, and i sponsored is ad. rrator: they call him enron ed. because washington, dc lobbyist ed gillespie represented the worst of the worst. lenders trying to keep student loan rates high. corporations sending jobs overseas. and of course the enron scandal. now, enron ed is lobbying for donald trump's agenda. like cuts to virginia school funding, and taking away healthcare from thousands of virginians. enron ed gillespie. he's not lobbying for you.

m mark herring, candidate for attorney general, and i sponsored this ad. female narrator: what would john adams do to women's health? adams argued before the supreme court to give employers control over your access to birth control. adams also supports giving employers the power to block access to affordable contraception for 1.6 million virginia women. and adams opposes abortion even in cases of rape, or incest. john adams: wrong for women's health. wrong for virginia.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i'd like to thank mila kunis, aisha tyler and of course jimmy kimmel. dave grohl will be your guest host tomorrow. "nightline" is next but first, his new album is called "beach house three" here with the song "ex," with some help from y-g, ty dolla $ign! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ty dolla $ign! ♪ i just text my main chick main i told her i ain't coming home home ♪ ♪ i just text my main chick ♪ ♪ main ♪ told

♪ home ♪ tonight ♪ hey mixing henny with the bombay bomb -- it i done had a long day oh ♪ ♪ i done linked up with my old thing right time but the wrong place ♪ ♪ riding 'round with it on me oh got me thinking about all my old days old days ♪ ♪ i been getting money four ways four ways r. kelly 12 play with the foreplay ♪ ♪ i know know i be up to no good baby i know know i'm just misunderstood ♪ ♪ i just text my main chick main i told her i ain't coming home ♪ ♪ home ♪ i just text my main chick ♪ main ♪ told her i ain't coming home ♪ home ♪ tonight ♪ i just text my main chick ♪ ♪ main ♪ told her i ain't

tonight ♪ how you living -- how you living i'm on jet skis ♪ give my last to these naked [ bleep ] yeah leave your main squeeze for these naked [ bleep ] ♪ that's how you know when it's all bad all bad she call or text i could call back i could call back ♪ ♪ but she imagine in her head i'm doing all that i tell her i'm not ♪ ♪ she like yg you a thot ♪ ♪ i know i be up to no good i'm just misunderstood yeah yeah ♪ ♪ yeah yeah a hundred times told her i was gon' stop but it's kind of hard when ♪ ♪ every night them bottles pop yeah yeah it's kind of hard when you're making your watch ♪ ♪ make all them nines and tens flop yeah ♪ ♪ i just text my main chick ♪ ♪ main ♪ told her i ain't coming home ♪ home ♪ i just text my main chick ♪ ♪ main ♪ told her i ain't coming home tonight ♪ i just text

my main chick ♪ ♪ told her i ain't coming home tonight ♪ i just text my main chick ♪ ♪ told her i ain't coming home tonight ♪ home [ cheers and applause ] >> all them ladies, make some noise one time. you're looking for somebody somebody you can call on ♪ ♪ call on when you need it done right if you're looking for a real one so am i ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ so am i yeah yeah yeah i'll make this -- all for you ♪ ♪ girl you're looking for somebody somebody you can call on ♪

♪ call on when you need it done right if you're looking for a real one ♪ ♪ so am i ♪ put it on her put it put it on her tongue yeah put it on her put it put it on her tongue yeah so am i ♪ ♪ put it on her put it put it on her tongue yeah ♪ ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ said you wasn't comin' over but you happy that you came yeah ♪ ♪ yeah said you wasn't gonna drink but you happy that you did yeah ♪ ♪ put it on her ♪ didn't think you had a match but both of us lit yeah ♪ ♪ and you was just about to leave ain't you glad that you stayed yeah ♪ ♪ so am i ♪ put it on her put it put it on her tongue yeah put it on her put it put it on her

♪ so am i ♪ put it on her put it put it on her tongue yeah ♪ . ♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, bombshell indictments. president trump's former campaign chairman, paul manafort and two former campaign advisers, charged by the special counsel. one pleading guilty to lying to the fbi as the white house pushes back. >> today's announcement has nothing to do with the president, has nothing to do with the president's campaign, or campaign activity. >> the criminal allegations and what this means for the president. plus, turning tiles. we're backstage at one of america's favorite game shows to meet the woman behind the wheel. >> i get all dressed up like a barbie doll. i go out, i give someone e