, geoffrey. though i'm afraid i shan't be able to. i have to be in whitby. hiya, little lady. i just wanted to make sure you get in okay. yeah. well i've got my key tonight. i can manage to turn it all by my little self. i just wanted to make sure that my repairs were... hunky-dory. allow me, janet. yes, perfect fit. - yeah. well, thanks. - bit like you and me. what? such a perfect fit. - everything all right, janet? - robert. robert, hey. robert, i'm dead glad to see you. how are you? i'm fine. is this a bad moment to call? no! no. little lady had a bit of lock-out problem last night.

i helped her out. i was just checking that everything was hunky-dory. - is it? - yeah. now. ( sighs ) now use your magic mobile and get in touch with robert. he had a friend once who kept tortoises and terrapins. sam, i think his name was. describe those neck markings to him. see what he says. you don't believe your cousin, mrs. wainthropp. illogical things bother me geoffrey. kate said children paint the necks, but the first sight of a paintbrush, a tortoise would put his head in, and all that hoo-ha about me singing a solo with the choir and kate not there. i think something is going on tomorrow night and i need to put my mind at rest. i'll be pleased to make the call mrs. wainthropp. - i thought you might be. - ( chuckles )

now, you better go in. you don't want to be late for choir practice. ( chuckles ) well, what do you think? it's strong stuff. are you sure of your facts? oh, yes. two separate couples said the same thing-- damage, high cost of repair. - it's an expose, you see. - it certainly is. - ah, you don't like my prose style. - no. it's good. it's just-- i hope it's not too strong. you've only spoken to two people. don't you need a bit more evidence before you go to print? ( phone ringing ) ah, mr. wainthropp. i've just got in. everything's all right with you and hetty? oh, good. yeah. sam, yes? oh, right, hang on a minute. tortoise, yellow stripes

red spot. i've got to go, mr. wainthropp. you've got my mobile number. i'll get back to you. bye. ♪ ( cell phone ringing )

oh, there. ( ringing continues ) ( beeps ) yes. hello? oh, mr. wainthropp. are you all right, geoffrey? you sound short of breath. no, uh, well it's difficult to explain. i have to find a way to turn my mobile off. now, that tortoise you found it sounds like a species called pseudymus.

it's a terrapin actually very rare. oh, and you're not allowed to import them without a license. it's just the afternoon. i need to help a family friend out. this company your friend's investigating? styroprotek. i don't want him to get into trouble over what he writes about them. i just wanna make sure that his facts are right. i'll tell you what try companies house. they'll send you chapter and verse on any company you like. i think they charge about 6 quid for a balance sheet. i'll just find you the number. right. thanks. i won't need the afternoon off then. that's what i thought. hetty: ♪ on a hill far away ♪ ♪ stood an old rugged cross ♪ ♪ the emblem of suffering ♪ ♪ and shame ♪ ♪ and i love that old cross ♪

♪ where the dearest and best ♪ ♪ for a world of lost sinners ♪ ♪ was slain ♪ all: ♪ so i'll cherish ♪ ♪ the old rugged cross ♪ ♪ till my trophies at last ♪ ♪ i lay down ♪ ♪ i will cling ♪ ♪ to the old rugged cross ♪ ♪ and exchange it someday ♪ ♪ for a crown ♪ hetty: ♪ in that old rugged cross ♪ ♪ stained with blood ♪

♪ so divine... ♪ - is it all right? - of course, it's all right. it's asleep. don't touch it. it's coming round. well, get it out of there, quick. hetty: ♪ jesus suffered and died ♪ ♪ to pardon ♪ ♪ and sanctify me ♪ all: ♪ so i'll cherish ♪ ♪ the old rugged cross ♪ ♪ till my trophies at last ♪ ♪ i lay down ♪ ♪ i will cling ♪ ♪ to the old rugged cross ♪ ♪ and exchange it someday ♪

♪ for a crown ♪ ♪

good morning, kate. hetty. hetty... i'm looking after them for collectors. you're importing rare species illegally. - no, hetty. - isn't this a pit bull terrier? that's not legal, is it? is it? you always did find me out even when we were girls together. i should've known. can i talk to you? please, hetty. joe didn't leave much. the shop hardly brings in anything. i was--i was desperate for money. dave skerry was full of sympathy said he'd like to help. he tricked me, hetty. he said, would i help him

to import a few harmless tortoises? he paid well... and then he wanted me to use the business to help him smuggle in other rare species. and then the dogs arrived, fighting dogs for betting. i tried to say no, but i was trapped, an accomplice, his accomplice. how did these animals get here? ( sighs ) from the foreign ships. the shadwells pretend to go out for lobsters and collect the animals from beyond the 3-mile limit. so that's why this skerry fellow wants to buy miss stubbs' house, so convenient. it's a perfect place to hide the animals and pass them on. oh, i'd get out of this business if i could. honestly, hetty, i would. but these dogs bring £5,000. all for profit.

you wouldn't tell anyone the police or anyone like that. you wouldn't rat on me. ( knock on door ) good morning, little lady. your mail, just thought i'd bring it over. thanks. shouldn't you get dressed? care to watch me with the weights? not before breakfast. ( music playing over the radio ) mr. wainthropp. come on. ( doorbell buzzes ) robert!

kate: we're family, hetty, blood. - i can't allow it to go on. - it won't, not with me. because of what you've done, the shadwells have done a flit. i know that, but they'll set up again somewhere else until the police find them. when you wrote to me i was overjoyed, but you lied to me, kate. you didn't care what disease those animals brought into the country and you've cast a doubt on agnes stubbs' sanity. i'll make it up to her, hetty. it's a criminal offense, and you know it. and what am i going to do now? robert! wait. stop. janet, what is it? ( panting ) that company, styroprotek, their agents might've set you up. set me up? for what? libel. what? i've got the reports and balance sheets. they've sued people for libel a number of times,

always provincial newspapers. it's not conclusive proof, but it's worth holding back from, isn't it? they've led me on? let me write an article based on lies? so they can sue the newspaper, yeah. that's disgraceful. someone should write about this. ♪ i never did get my lobster salad. let's go home, geoffrey. oh, sorry to scare you little lady.

hey, where's that little guy? he'll be home anytime now. you know, if he weren't around there'd be chances for you and me to, uh, cozy up. - you'd like that, janet. - you reckon? well, he's a bit on the small side, isn't he? for a girl...like you? he can look after himself. that's what the mouse said as they brought down the mallet. is that a threat? ( chuckles ) jan... what is it?

what's happened? it's me. i've made a mistake. we shouldn't have decided to live together, not here. you said you loved it. you had plans to paint to...paper. oh, geoff, i just don't want you to get hurt that's all. ( sighs ) ( sighs ) we haven't met. i'm geoff shawcross. - i'm-- - i know who you are. carl p. unsworth. my girlfriend, janet, told me. and did she tell you anything else, little man? she seemed to think i should be careful of you. i can't think why.

little lady knows who has the power. power isn't in muscle. it's here. understand one thing, carl janet doesn't like being bothered by you. she'd rather you left her alone... so would i. there are laws against that kind of thing. don't make me use them. ( door slams ) it's very good, robert. - but it's on a different subject, isn't it? - aye. sue thy neighbor. everybody's doing it. it's become a national pastime. i've said things against the whole nasty business.

ah, good for you. and what about you, love? i'm sorry things didn't work out with your cousin, kate. oh, they did at first. it was after. well, you can't choose who's to be in your family, can you? no, unfortunately. you don't think this article is too outspoken? no, no, no. ( creaks ) what's that noise? ( scoffs ) nothing. you're hearing things, hetty. there's no secret passages here. i hope not. i-- ( chuckles ) ( woman giggles ) robert, there are voices. ( thud ) there's somebody in the house. - ta-da! - ta-da! - ( laughs ) - it's these two the little devils. what's this? we heard you were partial to lobster. oh, i am. i love it. - i bought it in kirkewell. - isn't that wonderful? are we to eat it now? yeah, of course, we can. ( laughter ) oh, what a treat.

robert who needs long lost relatives when i've got not only you but geoffrey and janet as well? this will be our family celebration. ( laughs ) oh. ♪

[bell rings] [bird chirping]

[toy pig squeaking] >> appraiser: he's wonderful. isn't that cute? he's squeaking as well, isn't he? oh, wonderful >> woman: he was a present given to my grandmother. she was born in 1897 in edinburgh and this was a present when she was very small by a family friend. >> appraiser: oh, how wonderful. >> woman: so it's been in the family ever since. >> appraiser: well, you saved me the worry of having to work out when it was made. it's about 1900.

you have no idea where it was made or anything about it? >> woman: no idea, nothing else. >> appraiser: i think he's a french porker, french bacon, the french were great makers of autom like this. i can't find any mark on him. if it was a great maker like roullet & decamps, could have been the maker. i can't be certain it was roullet & decamps, could have been another maker. but he's a french porker. >> woman: okay. >> appraiser: and actually sort of surprisingly valuable. >> woman: really? >> appraiser: lots of collectors for automaton, it's a huge field. >> woman: is that right? >> appraiser: he's in original condition. he's got his original skin covering, his fancy collar beautifully painted feet. he's just lovely. he's worth quite a bit of money. >> woman: really? >> appraiser: do you think so? >> woman: well, i have no idea what he's worth. >> appraiser: i think he's worth at auction £700 to £1,000. >> woman: that's a nice surprise. >> appraiser: an expensive piece of bacon. >> woman: yes. [toy pig squeaks] >> appraiser: you know self-diagnosis is very popular these days. and i thought it was a particularly modern thing to say

that you were allergic to some kind of food, but obviously not. look at this cabinet. "doctor yourself." i don't know whether that's a good idea really. but this is an incredible cabinet. look at it! "munyon's homeopathic remedies relieve immediately." so we've got a whole range of what appear to be cures here; cold-cure, croup-cure, fever-cure, female-cure, whatever that may be? i think we're going to have to open a door and have a look inside. >> woman: i think so. >> appraiser: whoa, look at this! this is an absolute time capsule. where did you get it from? >> woman: well, i have a husband who likes to buy lots of things at auctions. >> appraiser: right. >> woman: and he reckons he possibly bought it about 25 to 30 year ago at one of these auctions. >> appraiser: what attracted him to it? >> woman: i think he likes to buy unusual things. >> appraiser: well, he certainly bought something unusual here. he's bought something that's essentially a very rare survivor. and let's look at what's inside here. i've had a cold for the last few days so i'm going to go straight

to the cold remedy pigeonhole. here it is printed just here "cold." now what does that pigeonhole promise? you've got a label here says "floral sweets for the breath." that wasn't what i was hoping to get as my cure. i was hoping to get something a bit stronger than that. so okay, let's look at something else. what shall we go for now? how about catarrh because that's something to do with colds? have a look at that. and what have we got there? "chest and lung mixture," that sounds a bit more like it. so what have we got here? we've got a collection of labels essentially, haven't we? >> woman #2: i remember as a child being desperate to play with all the labels and being told i wasn't allowed to touch it. and i suspect that's why it's quite high up on the wall, so i couldn't get to it. >> appraiser: so it's actually screwed up on the wall, is it? >> woman: yeah. >> appraiser: it's actually american, believe it or not. so it's traveled a long way. and it dates from the early 20th century. i think it would have been quite usual to see things like this on

a pharmacist's counter in around about 1910, around that sort of period. so, you know, i want to look at a few more of the cures. what else have we got here? we have got "grip." how about grip? oh, very nice. and we've got here a problem that i'm sure can't be cured homeopathic ally. perhaps the less said about that the better. but it's a stunning little survivor. yes, a very social little item. and it tells us a lot about the kind of things that people hoped that they might be able to cure. value? can you remember what he paid for it all those years ago? >> woman: knowing my husband, it probably wasn't very much. >> appraiser: okay. well let's hope your husband is surprised because i think this is such a rare and interesting little survivor that i think this is certainly worth £300 to £400. >> woman: ooh! >> appraiser: it's a great little thing. i really, really love it. >> appraiser: i gather you used to be a doctor once upon a time, that these two rather dangerous looking items, i'd hate to think that they ever took part in any medical procedure.

do you know what they were used for and how they were used? >> man: well, they were really used for giving someone, what they called in those days, a tonic. so you might have been prescribed a glass of wine a small glass of wine daily or a glass of champagne daily. and those specific articles were screwed through the corks of the bottles. and they have a tap on them. >> appraiser: how wonderful. >> man: yes. >> appraiser: so did you yourself, actually ever dispense champagne with these? >> man: not with those, no. but remember when the national health scheme started we could prescribe champagne for the terminally ill. >> appraiser: good heavens. >> man: oh yes, we could. >> appraiser: how wonderful. >> man: and what's happening to those is, i was left them by a very elderly gentleman who was the one who told me what they were. and i've been told to leave one to the royal college of surgeons in edinburgh and one to the

royal college of physicians, also at edinburgh. and that i will do. >> appraiser: well, that is a wonderful story. they're not actually silver. they are electroplated. >> man: oh, i know. >> appraiser: and they date from about 1900, maybe a little earlier. it's nice to see that they are in their original cases. >> man: yes, late 19th century i would think. >> appraiser: yes. there are collectors of these things and they're worth not a huge amount, perhaps £40 to £60 each, something like that. but i must admit, i've never heard until now of anybody being dispensed champagne for medicinal purposes. >> man: oh yes. >> appraiser: i'm feeling a bit faint now. haven't you got a bottle of champagne you could dispense as medicine?