and that means it's time for tonight's "closing argument." it's earnings week for many wall street banks and the dow soared today on the news that gold m man -- goldman sachs will announce huge quarterly profits tomorrow. even taking tens of billions in bailout money. it's likely that such profit could be had only by risk

taking, so does it bother you? should taxpayers have say about how much risk they take? tell us what you think by going to the abcnews.com or the twitter page. and tomorrow night, they're the fastest animals on the earth, and we take a remarkable journey into the wild to see africa's cheetahs up close. that's tomorrow. and that's our report for tonight. "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. i'm terry moran. for cynthia mcfadden and martin bashir and all of us at abc news, good night, america. hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. we have a great show tonight, right, uncle frank? where are uncle frank and guillermo? >> big show tonight, guillermo. we've got to look really good. >> i know. hurry up, i have to get ready too. >> i just washed my body, now i

have to shampoo. >> hurry, uncle frank. >> i'm all shampooed but now i have to shave. >> uncle frank, you have taken so long. i'll grow a beard like mr. t. >> guillermo -- >> oh, my god, put on some pants. >> we have only three minutes until the show, how will you get ready? >> with nivea for men. >> what is that? >> it's nivea for men, first three in one grooming products. not only a body wash and shampoo, it is also a shaving gel. >> oh, so now you can get more done in the shower. >> exactly, uncle frank. >> oh. wow. nivea for men, it's a miracle product. >> and it tastes good too. >> it doesn't take good.

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>> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- the nba champion los angeles lakers. and music from 3oh!3. with cleto and the cletones. and now, what did we do to

deserve this, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by abc, inc. >> welcome. thank you, cleto. hi, guys. i'm jimmy. welcome to the show. we've got a -- we've got a lot of enthusiasm here tonight in los angeles because tonight is lakers drink free in the greenroom tonight. most of the players from the lakers are here tonight. kobe bryant, derek fisher, pau gasol, a bunch of the guys. i decided to wear taller shoes, but not for the lakers. i'm actually wearing them to show my unwavering support for adam lambert. they're for the lakers.

by the way, if they think they're out here for celebratory chitchat, they're wrong. i have i have a whole hour of line drills. we have to get ready for next year. father's day is on sunday. i'm planning to spend father's day as i usually do, at home watching maury povich paternity episodes. by the way, my kids are watching right now, i don't want anything homemade this year. it something valuable. i want something you have to pay for. you got it? they're not watching. no chance of that. by the way, you know how kids give their dads those father of the year mugs and shirts? the truth is, not everyone can be father of the year. there can only be one father of the year and for me, the father of the year is this guy. >> he hit a ball into the outfield. >> kind of expect that when jason marquis is on the mound and on top of his game. >> congratulations. [ cheers and applause ]

then he drove home. speaking of fathers of the year, "american idol" season seven runner-up david archuleta's dad had some trouble. you might remember him as the difficult stage dad who was not well liked by the "american idol" staff. he pled no contest to soliciting a prostitute. he was arrested at an asian massage parlor where police say he received sexual gratification at the hand of the massage. his lawyer said he was this for therapy on his back and that he hopes the story won't cause his family any embarrassment. unfortunately that may not be possible, because already there's a major tv movie about it in the works. >> hallmark hall of fame presents -- ♪ amazing grace >> his son had the voice of an angel. ♪

>> but he had the loins of the devil. >> hello, asian massage parlor? how late are you open? and when do you close? >> scott baio is jeff archuleta. >> play it again, boy! >> but dad! >> i can't play. play! >> introducing mario bosco as david archuleta. his drove his son to stardom and drove himself to a massage parlor. >> this is a sting operation. freeze! [ screaming ] >> now dad, you sing to me! >> david! >> stage dad, the jeff archuleta story, because some happy endings don't have a happy ending. >> how does this work? >> sunday, only on television.

[ cheers and applause ] >> all right. a home video about that? nice -- nice. nice. in case you haven't found a gift for dad and let's be honest, most of you probably haven't, you're in luck, especially if dad is a sports fan. tonight our security guard guillermo is going to teach us how to make a great gift for any nba fan. >> hi, today we're going to teach you how to make a basketball. the first thing to do is catch it. come on, come on! now, you wait for it to die.

are you ready to die? just die. i guess you're not feeling good, huh? come on pig, die, please. die. are you ready to die? come on. come on, pig. just die. just die. okay. now the pig is dead. you make it into the basketball. like this. and that's how you make a basketball. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's helpful to learn. all right. none was wasted. if you watch the show "jon and kate plus eight". i have never watched at it, but from what i gather, from the last consecutive nine issues of

"us weekly," i guess that jon and kate are having marital problems. at first that created a lot of interest in the show but lately the ratings are way down and now tlc is running promo that say on monday, they'll make a life-changing announcement on "jon and kate". most assume that they're getting a divorce, but i have seen the promos and it seems there's a different life-changing announcement in mind. >> on monday night, a special two-hour television event that will forever change the way you watch "jon and kate plus 8". the gosselin family says good-bye to one of their own. kara, madeline, alexis, hannah, aidan, colin, leah, baby joel, one of them will be sent away. who has to go to a foster home? ♪ find out monday night. "jon and kate plus seven" only on tlc. [ cheers and applause ]

>> whoever it is it's -- they're lucky. better off living with the octomom. this is a video that i saw online. two guys just hanging out next to a treadmill. one of them is playing music on the computer and the other one is about to perform some internet magic for you. ♪ ♪ >> that by the way is why i don't exercise ever. i like -- i like any accident that results in a person's shoes flying off. [ laughter ] the white house today released an official photo of bo the first dog. bo is the third member of the obama family to get his official portrait taken, but why they chose this photo, i don't -- they say they based it on the official portrait of president

clinton but i don't ever remember seeing that. [ laughter ] consumer protection alert today. it is of a special interest to stoners so pay attention. nestle's is recalling some tollhouse cookie dough after 66 cases of food poisoning were reported in 28 states. the fda is investigating if it was contaminated for e. coli, but for one it is already too late. >> i'm going to do something, watch. yum yum yum. [ laughter ] >> me don't feel so good. >> and he vomits blue. it's friday night and time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. this is this week in unnecessary censorship. >> here to present the trophy to

the los angeles lakers is nba commissioner david stern. and joey and jesse. >> [ bleep ] you, stewy. >> the boyfriends are pretty relieved. oh, like, [ bleep ] dudes, okay. >> former president jimmy carter says israel and hamas should [ bleep ]. >> i get a sense from you, with all the reality shows that you have been [ bleep ] in your face for a long time. >> well, get the [ bleep ] out of the way, miami. new york city now is the new road rage capital of the united states. >> i have got to get my back in shape to [ bleep ] this 100-year-old guy. ♪ >> the man found guilty of [ bleep ] tyra banks was ordered to complete a treatment program for [ bleep ]. >> the dinosaur [ bleep ]. >> and this is some of the scenes from -- -- from that locker room.

>> we have a good show tonight. we have music from 3oh!3. and we'll be right back with a whole bunch of lakers. kobe bryant, derek fisher, pau gasol, trevor ariza and more, so stick around. if you think geico's the cheap insurance company,

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♪ welcome back to our lakers championship extravaganza. and we have music tonight of the electronic variety from boulder colorado. this is their latest album "want", music from 3oh!3. next week, we'll be joined by shia labeouf, josh duhamel, david cross, megan fox and other celebrities to be named later.

our guests tonight are the tallest and most popular men in all of southern california. they beat the orlando magic in five games to become champions of the basketball world. from the los angeles lakers, please welcome trevor ariza. [ cheers and applause ] pau gasol. [ cheers and applause ] derek fisher. [ cheers and applause ] and the captain, kobe bryant. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] that's a beautiful trophy.

>> there you go. >> i feel like i'm back in the staples center right now. >> what does it feel like to be the first african-american mvp -- [ laughter ] >> well, a tremendous honor. >> congratulations to all of you. that is a beautiful trophy. and i would like to -- i would like to see one of you weld that on to the front of your car. you know? as a hood ornament. >> a good idea, actually. >> driving around l.a. in traffic. do you get to bring that around like the stanley cup or does it go back to headquarters? >> no, it goes back to headquarters. unfortunately. >> it seems like you should get one of those pieces for yourself. >> you know, they do like miniversion of it. yeah, we get like small ones. they don't offer them though. we have to purchase them.

>> you do, really? >> really? >> maybe you would. >> you got one when you left the arena. >> let's take up a collection. i'm sure -- you guys deserve it, certainly. you know, well it was a great -- well, the finals weren't so great. great for you guys, but not so great for the orlando magic. president obama predicted you'd win in six games you won in five games. do you feel like you disappointed him? [ laughter ] >> um, no. >> no, you don't? >> as long as the outcome remained consistent it is all good. >> when obama makes a prediction the other team's coach always gets mad and says he should have better things to be concentrating on than who wins the game. he's usually right -- he picked the steelers in the super bowl. he could be a handicapper if he wasn't president. >> he's the president of the

united states. what do you expect? >> derek, you said off the record you should be named mvp. [ cheers and applause ] >> you said you'd be carrying -- you've been carrying kobe too long. so let's look at those three-point shots. i think game four here. [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. >> there's more -- this guy right here has a pair of the biggest kahunas when he's shooting. he's ridiculous, man. >> you missed five -- you were 5 -- you were 0-5 so far. does that -- do you hesitate at all after missing -- >> no, thanks for bringing up the bad parts. >> well, if i was -- if i missed five in a row, i think i'd say

somebody else you get a chance. >> no, no. these guys right here, man, and the guys that are on later, they're always with me. i'm always confident no matter what goes on. i know i'll come through for my guys. they come through for me. >> pau, you're from spain. you know what, your name is like a batman sound effect, like pow. you know? [ laughter ] i have something for you. i got you a letter l, you -- you put this at the end of your name and then you can be like -- you'll be paul from now on. i think it will be easier for us americans. >> it keeps us unique. i like that uniqueness. >> we have to clarify something, we have to clarify something. because he won't say it, okay? his name is pau. people keep calling him paul and his name is not paul. it's pau. thank you. >> yes. >> so everybody pronounces -- they're saying paul. >> i'm saying if you take this l

you can be paul. >> it makes it a lot easier. it does make it easier. >> you know, i like it without the l. that's the way it is. >> pau gasol. >> what happens when you get back to spain? will there be a parade for you? did they watch? everybody watch? >> they did watch. i'm so proud of everybody in spain because it's so hard with the time change and everything. three or four in the morning, wake up and actually watch the game and watch us play. they were so excited and so thrilled that we were able to get this amazing trophy. >> will women be enthusiastic about making love to you? >> i'm not quite sure. [ cheers and applause ] i'm not -- i'm not quite sure about that. >> you're not sure? >> there's a way to find out. [ laughter ] >> and trevor, you played for the orlando magic. >> oh, yeah. >> does it make it more fun to beat them since these are the guys you played with? or less fun?

>> come on, travis. >> man, to beat them, especially on their home floor was an indescribable feeling. >> really? >> yeah. they traded me away. so to come home and -- [ cheers and applause ] >> there's a big party last night and did anyone do too much celebrating? >> no, everybody was pretty cool. >> everybody was all right? lil wayne was there. kanye west. why is trevor hiding his face right now? [ laughter ] maybe too much partying? come on. >> trevor, what time did you wake up today? what time did you wake up this morning? >> 11:00. >> a.m.? >> yeah. >> what time did i go to sleep? >> yeah, what time did you go to sleep? >> 6:00. >> 6:00 in the morning. >> what happens on the flight back from orlando? you guys -- you didn't have any time to yourselves necessarily

until -- until you got together on the plane. >> i don't think any of us slept that night. we were so excited. >> no sleep tonight. >> so we got on the plane and everybody is excited. you know, joking around with each other and then everybody crashed. all of a sudden you heard -- [ snores ]. >> i opened my eyes a little bit and everybody was knocked out and i thought i'll go back to sleep again. they woke up. >> i want to show one other key play from the same game. i think from game four. let's take a look at this. >> what is he doing? what is he doing? [ laughter ] really, what is he doing? >> he's exercising. >> what is he doing? >> he's exercising. >> what was that? >> i like to think maybe -- you know, he could be the 12th man, right? at halftime. >> he could be the mascot. >> we'll take a break and when we come back we'll bring out the rest of the guys. the lakers are here, everybody. we'll be right back with the whole rest of the gang.

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what's really cool, they're having a good time themselves. they've got their family and friends. >> watch this, i think they're going ten miles. [ laughter ] >> this is what i've been waiting for. >> the big victory celebration. [ cheers and applause ] the lakers are here. kobe bryant, pau, joining us now, even more of your nba champion los angeles lakers. adam morrison, dj mbenga, josh powell, shannon brown and jordan farmar. welcome, guys. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] by the way, i want to mention, because i think in fairness we should -- that wasn't the only victory parade. the clippers were feeling a little left out. there was a clippers victory parade that day too. a little bit later. [ cheers and applause ]

so everybody got a little bit into the action there. [ laughter ] well, congratulations, guys. and you must be thrilled, have you been allowed to touch the trophy yet? has kobe been taking it around with him? >> all the time. >> one thing about this team, you have to thick skin to play on this team. >> is that right? >> these guys -- these guys are horrible. >> who gets it the worst? >> who gets it the worst? >> hey. >> oh, man, right there. >> d.j. does? i know -- >> we call him congo cash all the time. >> i saw you do something goonies related. >> had nothing to do with him, man. >> nothing to do with him? >> no. >> you're from belgium. >> yeah, from belgium. >> did they watch you there? did they watch the series? >> of course.

just like pau say, they were watching. it was late over there, but people did watch. >> and do you know these guys are screwing around with you? do they do it because of your accent? [ laughter ] >> we just don't know where he's from. >> you don't? i have seen a lot of belgians. you don't look like one of them. [ laughter ] >> that's what we said. >> you know what? >> what? [ laughter ] >> get this man a waffle. >> i know. that's what we do all the time. sometimes if we have a bad game, we lose a tough one, we get on the bus, we mention our d.j., man. we get him going, get him going. >> after you guys lost the game three, coach jackson took you guys to the movies. >> yeah. >> why did he take you to the movies? >> i have no idea. i said, why the hell are we going to the theater? i don't feel like doing this right now. >> we have no idea why we went to see that particular movie.

the movie we went to see. >> which movie did you go to? >> "taking of pelham 123". >> i thought it was your idea. >> he took me. >> no, no. >> see, that's what happened. >> it wasn't your idea? >> the oldest person in the room always gets blamed for everything. that's what happens. >> hey, that's cool. >> he's the president that's what happens. >> did you get together to pick the movie? >> not at all. no. not at all. >> so was it to relax you? >> i have no idea. >> we would have went and seen "the hangover". [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> maybe that's not the best message. >> no, that movie is hilarious though. >> a hostage movie seems like a bad way to relax the team. >> everybody kind of left the movie like -- [ laughter ] >> by the way, what about the people sitting in the row behind you guys? >> oh, it was them. we had the whole theater to ourself. we were sitting in there. >> that would be a bad thing on

the lakers team movie outing. you wouldn't see anything but the back of your heads. >> it was just us. they couldn't see nothing. lou too. we've got a room with lou. we've got a rule with lou. he has to sit in the last row. >> because? >> if he sits in the front row the person in back of him doesn't have a chance of hell of seeing the tv. not a shot. >> and the coach asked you to turn your cell phones off for the entirety of the final? was that true? >> no, we didn't get that memo. >> you didn't get that? >> no idea. >> did not get that? because derek, you were twittering throughout the whole thing. right? >> at times i was. >> at times you were. >> not during the game. >> so there's no truth to that at all then? >> no. he did make us meditate before the game. >> we got a couple sessions of -- >> do you guys really meditate or do you just sit there and kind of make it seem like you're meditating?

>> we don't want to say that on camera. >> you know what it is? it's a grownup timeout. that's what it is. a grown-up timeout. >> tell you what though, the next time we do go into medication next year, the first thought that's coming into our mind are the fabulous shoes you're wearing. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> the shoes. >> i can't want to feel like verne troyer feels all the time. >> we understand that that is not a nike shoe. >> not yet it isn't. >> not a nike product. >> nothing to do with that. >> you spend a lot of time together obviously. i mean, you shower together that's something most co-workers don't do. does phil shower with you? >> where are you going with this? >> we're trying to establish -- would you be more comfortable if we were all nude? i'm just saying you know each

other well. >> i don't know, man. >> what if i turned around and i was completely naked. would that be a surprise? >> yeah. >> i want to ask you a general question and anyone can answer. first of all, who's the cheapest guy on the team? >> me. >> you are? >> yeah. yeah. >> and also -- he also eats five times more than anybody on the team. >> is that right? >> oh, my goodness. >> yes, sir. >> so you figure with your cheapness, you can eat more and split the check you get more out of it? >> no, at my house we have a lot of people that love to eat so you have to get to it before it's all gone. i quickly mastered that. >> he is quick. >> i mean, you get on the plane and he's already there. >> serious? >> who complains the most out of the group? >> he's not here. >> he's not? who is it, lamar? >> no. >> oh, all right. >> the machine.

>> that's my guy, too. >> shout out to sasha. >> who is the coach's favorite? >> um -- >> derek. >> derek. >> see what i'm saying? see what i'm saying? [ cheers and applause ] >> the old guy -- >> who's the coach's least favorite of the group? who gets picked on the most? >> no, i would say the most is lamar. >> lamar? he gets picked on the most? >> definitely. i had to think about that one. >> why isn't lamar here tonight? >> i don't know. we're not sure. >> is he declared free agency already? >> he's not going anywhere. >> he's not going anywhere? you will not allow it, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> not going anywhere. >> and how long -- like how long before you guys pick up a basketball again? do you get right back to it? >> that's a question for pau. because you have to play -- >> i might play european. >> you are going to play?

>> so it's in september, so i have a little time to relax. >> and d.j. is about to play too. >> yeah. >> we're talking about pau. asking about pau. >> you're playing for the belgian -- what team? >> for belgium. but i come from congo, you know? >> see -- >> because you're originally from the congo and you live now in belgium. are you the only basketball player in belgium? >> what's it called, d.j.? >> what is the country called? >> me? >> come on, dude. >> d.j., you may have to stay here with us and become a security guard. [ laughter ] because i think comedy is your area. >> i won't do it unless you pay me. >> do you understand what he said? >> what are you going to pay me, something like that?

yeah? [ laughter ] >> kobe -- >> i'm going to hit you guys. >> that's my man. >> d.j. was texting you like throughout the olympics, right? >> yeah. he texted me a couple times. >> he texted you a couple of times, right? he said you didn't call him back -- >> no, i talked to him on the phone actually but i couldn't understand one word he said. i was like, hey, d.j., just text me, man. just text me. i can't understand nothing. >> d.j., you're better with the text you're good with the texting? >> yeah, it's much better now. [ laughter ] >> much better. >> who has a great plan for as soon as this victory parade is over with? where are you guys going? anybody want to mention anything in particular? >> no. >> adam, where you going? where you going? >> he's the quiet one. you have to make him talk. >> adam is so baked right now. [ laughter ]

>> where you going, dog? >> staying here. >> that's all you're going to get out of him. >> all right. >> is that typical or is -- >> yes. yes. no, you ain't getting nothing out of adam. >> jordan, are you the only jewish player in the nba, is that true? >> i didn't know that. yeah. >> that's not going to be problem, is it, d.j.? [ laughter ] >> d.j., calm down. it's fine. >> i didn't know that. >> is that true? >> i would assume so. >> you would assume so? >> yes, sir. >> you have to start asking around, you know? >> no, i think so. >> that's pretty cool. i met some guys who were wearing lakers yarmulkes which i had never seen before. last night, i swear god. they were really excited about that. >> we have a lot of support worldwide. >> well, there you go. congratulations, all of you. great to see you. [ cheers and applause ]

>> thank you. >> for us here in l.a. there they are, your los angeles lakers. we'll be right back with music from 3oh!3. ine revving ) wow, sweet minivan! ( revs engine ) ha ha! whoo! ( thunderclap ) that's a minivané to you! ♪ it's raining! with the great taste of a mcdonald's mccafé mocha, a better day is possible. freshly ground espresso, real steamed milk, and decadent chocolate. go ahead, mccafé your day. ♪ ba da ba ba ba who switched from geico to allstate ... saved an average of $473 a year? no way! way. ♪

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all right. this is their latest cd. it's called "want". here with the song "don't trust me", 3oh!3. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ black dress with the tights underneath ♪ ♪ i got the breath of the last cigarette on my teeth ♪ ♪ and she's an actress actress ♪ but she ain't got no need she's got money from her

parents ♪ ♪ in a trust fund back east tongues always pressed to your cheeks ♪ ♪ while my tongue is on the inside of some other girl's teeth ♪ ♪ you tell your boyfriend boyfriend ♪ ♪ if he says he's got beef that i'm a vegetarian ♪ ♪ and i ain't scared of him ♪ she wants to touch me, she wants to love me ♪ ♪ she'll never leave me ooh ooh ♪ ♪ don't trust a ho never trust a ho ♪ ♪ won't trust a ho won't trust me ♪ ♪ she wants to touch me she wants to love me ♪ ♪ she'll never leave me ooh ooh ♪ ♪ don't trust a ho never trust a ho ♪ ♪ won't trust a ho won't trust me ♪ ♪ x's on the back of your hands wash them in the bathroom ♪ ♪ to drink like the bands and your set list ♪ ♪ set list you stole off the stage ♪ ♪ has red and purple lipstick all over the page ♪

♪ bruises cover your arms ♪ shaking in the fingers with the bottle in your palm ♪ ♪ and the best is best is ♪ no one knows who you are just another girl ♪ ♪ alone at the bar she wants to touch me she wants to love me ♪ ♪ she'll never leave me ooh ooh ♪ ♪ don't trust a ho never trust a ho ♪ ♪ won't trust a ho won't trust me ♪ ♪ she wants to touch me she wants to love me ♪ ♪ she'll never leave me ooh ooh ♪ ♪ don't trust a ho never trust a ho ♪ ♪ won't trust a ho won't trust me ♪ ♪ shush girl shut your lips ♪ do the helen keller and talk with your hips ♪ ♪ i said shush girl shut your lips ♪ ♪ do the helen keller and talk with your hips ♪ ♪ i said shush girl shut your lips ♪ ♪ do the helen keller and talk

with your hips ♪ ♪ ooh ooh come on come on she wants to touch me she wants to love me ♪ ♪ she'll never leave me ooh ooh don't trust a ho ♪ ♪ never trust a ho won't trust a ho ♪ ♪ won't trust me ♪ she wants to touch me she wants to love me ♪ ♪ she'll never leave me ooh ooh don't trust a ho ♪ ♪ never trust a ho won't trust a ho ♪ ♪ won't trust me