it's "closing argument" time. the month of july ended with the dow's strongest performance in 20 years, up 9%. but the recession isn't over. this week, we learned that the nine banks in need of the most

taxpayer money awarded nearly 5,000 employees $1 million-dollar plus bonuses and there's a bill that was passed to prevent banks from awarding bonuses that could amount to risk taking. should the government step in and top it or is this the -- stop it or is this the free market at work, the bonuses? tell us what you think by clicking on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com or the "nightline" twitter page. that's our report for tonight. "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. for now, i'm terry moran. for cynthia mcfadden and martin bashir and all of us at abc news, good night, america. hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, and this is a delicious snickers candy bar. you have seen this, right? we all know that snickers satisfies hunger, but did you know how much fun it is to speak snacklish? what's that you say? what is snacklish? funny you should ask. it's a translator, go to snacklish.com and type in any name you want.

like, for instance, i will type in uncle frank's name. >> that's fun. >> oh, no, not yet. >> oh, [ bleep ]. like uncle frank's name translated into snacklish is uncle satisfranktion. >> that's fun. >> that is fun. all right. now, let's try putting guillermo's name in there. all right. there's guillermo. and guillermo's name is hunguillermo. congratulations. all right. let's try -- let's try my name here, which is jimmy kimmel. i will put it in -- and this translates to -- oh -- oh, i can't stay mad at you, snickers.

you're working on such a great cause, right, dicky? >> that's right, jimmy. snickers has formed a partnership with feeding america and will donate the equivalent of at least three million meals in 2009. go to snickers.com for more information on how you can help snickers bar hunger. >> "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with aubrey plaza, music from diane birch and anne heche. when people say, hey mike, why ford, why now? i say brace yourself. that gas guzzler in your driveway, just might be, a clunker. but don't panic, it could be a good thing. your ford and lincoln mercury dealers are cash for clunkers specialists. they'll recycle your ride, and get you a big fat juicy rebate from uncle sam. you can get all the details, charts, graphs, etc, at ford.com. why ford, why now? why not? visit your ford or lincoln mercury dealer. i'm thinking now would be a great time.

first stop bing. cause any search engine can help you find a plane ticket. but bing, with price predictor, can help make sure you don't pay too much for it. (sfx: "bing") it's not just a search engine it's the first ever decision engine from microsoft. we add the hops not once, not twice... but three times during the brewing process... instead of all at once. triple hops brewed miller lite. great taste. less filling.

>> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- anne heche. from "funny people", aubrey plaza. uncle frank and yehya, ice cream guys. and music from diane birch. with cleto and the cletones.

and now i'll tell you what, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by abc, inc. >> oh, hi. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. that's very nice. you know thanks to that nice reception i here unfriend all of you. last night i'm sure you heard president obama had the harvard professor and the police officer who arrested him over to the white house to talk and more importantly get stinking drunk together. vice president biden was there too. this is interesting. apparently joe biden was upset that obama had put his foot in the mouth by saying that the cambridge police acted stupidly because that's normally these thing. but they had a beer or two or three or four. and then i guess things got

wild. about 2:30 this morning obama declared war on iceland because he decided it wasn't icy enough. the white house is big, and it can be very a confusing place when you're buzzed. apparently, the president woke up this morning spooning rahm emanuel. [ laughter ] and i'm not -- i don't want to say that the president can't hold his liquor, but well, look what happened at his press conference this morning. >> you said the recent bank's profits indicate this there's been no sense of remorse on wall street for risky behavior, that we haven't seen a change in culture there. would you think your administration needs to be taking a harder line with wall street? [ laughter ] >> this is kind of interesting. this is from obama's hometown of chicago. most police departments have some sort of diversity training

and chicago they have the new recruits watch a video presentation. and take a look at this, keep in mind this is real. >> in chicago, diversity is our strength. shaking hands is not offensive to sick men and women. it is an acceptable way to greet people. police are confused by the tradition of puerto ricans gathering outside their homes or store fronts. and in puerto rico, that's how people socialize. police officers should not assume that all asians are new immigrants. all of the people we encounter on a daily basis expect to be treated with dignity and respect. mexicans are no exception. >> well, that's really good news, isn't it, guillermo? [ laughter ] guillermo has a concert to go to. go ahead, you can leave now. >> yeah? >> yeah. go ahead. say good-bye to guillermo, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]

the world is till waiting on mike -- still waiting on michael jackson's autopsy results. they were originally postponed until next week, but now they're postponed again and they say the delay is indefinite. apparently, they're still missing a nose and they need to find it. although they haven't found out the cause of death, but they have determined that michael was a lover, not a fighter. so -- they're dragging this out like the results show of a reality show. like -- it's like csi michael jackson or something. and they want to get results quickly, they should have gone to this place. >> got a body, but don't have time or money for one of those expensive hospital autopsies? trust chippy topsies -- jeffty topsies. we will establish cause of death in ten minute or less or the embalming is free. what are you waiting for? life is short, don't delay. [ cheers and applause ]

>> one every 2,000 miles. with the economy in the shape it is, more and more annoying families are opting for staycations, which is a vacation without the vacate part. basically you sit in the tub and pretend it's the ocean. this morning, the "today" show offered some helpful tips about how to make this staycation the best one ever. >> the art of the staycation is about making the most of your own backyard, right? >> exactly. it's using the time as a vacation. doing what you'd normally do on a vacation and not wasting your time off running errands or washing the car. >> you've turned our studio into a beach scene. this is something you can do in the backyard? >> exactly. you can at least get a beach background. target.com, less than $12, pose in front of it and you have the vacation photos. >> what a wonderful way to disappoint your children. all right, kids, now we're going to pose in front of some of wallpaper that looks like the

beach. that's what happened with the menendez brothers, you know? [ laughter ] parents tried to take them on a staycation and -- one thing you can do for summer without going too far is going to a baseball game. while there, you should find someone who is falling asleep and do this. [ cheering ] [ cheers and applause ] >> speaking of baseball on wednesday the phillies were in arizona playing the diamondbacks. at the top of fourth, the announcer for phillies was talking about jason werth's hitting approach and provided us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> what's going to happen is that you jerk off the ball. almost want to let this guy here jam you, and if it comes, it comes. [ laughter ] >> that one was unintentional?

last night, we as a nation celebrated the season premiere of the real housewives of atlanta. this is a reality show, that does for housewives what jaws did for sharks. it's not flattering. a housewife was putting a big party together and apparently she and her event planner for the party had some disagreement on the hors d'oeuvres or something. >> -- your name in the industry -- >> [ bleep ]! >> [ bleep ]! >> you -- >> who are you? >> i'm planning this ehaven't for you. >> exactly for me, honey. [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ]! >> [ bleep ]! >> you get out of my office!

>> don't put your hands on me! >> that is going to be the worst bar mitzvah ever. [ laughter ] turned out it wasn't his baby though. you know, the passing of michael jackson and farrah fawcett and ed mcmahon, it seems like we didn't get time to properly mourn the death of tv pitchman billy mays. he's the guy with the beard who sells the mops and stuff. he died a couple of weeks ago, but i keep seeing him in infomerci infomercials. they have him on every night. they say sales of his products are up 25% since he died and there are a bunch of new commercials that haven't come out. i think it's a strange thing. how is billy mays still pitching products? >> hi, billy mays, here to share with you the most important product you have endorsed? have you ever wondered how i am

able to sell these products? even though i'm dead? it's easy. with my new products, the resurrectifier. jab at into a loved one's eyeball and it instantly brings them back to life. so if you're dead, or know someone who is, get on the phone. when you call, you'll get to talk with one of our friendly and caring licensed agents. >> i'm so sorry. i'll send you a resurrectifier right away. >> buy it right now. works on pets too. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> bring them back to life.

isn't that something? all right. friday night, time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. this is this week in unnecessary censorship. >> -- at the moment it was awkward. nobody knew what to do so i walked over, stuck out my [ bleep ] and said it's pleasure to meet you. that broke the awkwardness. >> how about in honor of the american soldier, you quit [ bleep ] things up. >> and i never had a hard [ bleep ] in my life and i've never been with more happy with the outcome. >> me too. >> yeah, i can't complain. you know, for an old [ bleep ] on the podium with these young guys, not so bad. >> since i have been here, al and i have spent every waking hour [ bleep ]. >> would you put your lips around a dog's [ bleep ]? >> good luck. >> last night general colin powell took on the entertainer

in chief, rush rlimbaugh and every [ bleep ] who thinks it amounts to a teachable moment. >> i need you to do this without any [ bleep ]ups. understand? >> you're a mighty fancy lady. >> thank you. >> but i have got news for you. >> what's that? >> we're going to [ bleep ] the fancy right out of you. [ cheers and applause ] >> on the show tonight, anne heche. from "funny people", aubrey plaza. music from diane birch. and we'll be right back with my uncle frank and yehya serve ice ice. big day. big opportunity.

hi. ( whimpers, inhales ) ( sobs ) - hello! ( shakes and exhales ) for big moments anywhere, keep a little strength in your pocket. ( ding ) altoids smalls. are you in mint condition? are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint.

its revolutionary web os allows multiple applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder and rain ) - millions are using the simply everything plan. - each is saving $1200 over an at&t iphone plan. - ( cash register dings ) together that's billions of dollars. enough to open a dunkin' donuts in space. from america's most dependable 3g network. bringing you the first and only wireless 4g network. get the palm pre. only from sprint. only on the now network. deaf, hard of hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com.

♪ hi, there. we're back. with us on the show tonight, from the show hung and an upcoming independent movie called "spread", anne heche is here. also with us, from the new movie "funny people", aubrey plaza. and later on, a very talented singer/songwriter here from new york. this is her debut album, "bible belt", music from diane birch.

next week on the show, the script's mike stow, quentin tarantino, siena miller, eli roth, vanessa hudgens, doug benson, music from mike snow and the script and ashton kutcher. this is my uncle frank and yehya, a man i met a few years ago. he likes to take pictures of celebrities who like to get in -- >> yeah, i got the green guy -- the australian guy. >> what? >> the guy with brad pitt, in the movie "troy". what is his name? eric something. erik bennett. >> erik bennett. he's very nice. >> he's in the movie "funny people" also. you got a picture of him? >> i got four. because my flash not on and he come out and i tell him, i fix my camera now. very nice guy. >> well, that sounds like quite

an evening you had there. so anyway, uncle frank you know about yehya and what he likes to do. you have something in common and that is you both love ice cream. in fact, yehya you used to sell ice cream? >> yeah, when i was a small boy i used to sell ice cream and i ate it and the guy fire me. >> because you ate too much? >> yeah. you know, the sugar with the -- >> the cotton candy? >> yeah. i ate that and i -- >> and you got fired for that? >> because i swim a lot, i need sugar. i need something, you know? >> like a hummingbird. >> yeah, i lose money. he took me and fire me, that's okay. >> well, years later we decided to make that childhood dream come true. summer is here, it's hot out and it's important to keep your cholesterol up. we sent yehya and uncle frank next door to be ice cream guys. take a look. ♪

>> hello? >> hello. >> excuse me, we want your job. >> let me get you guys some applications. >> thank you. that's my dream, man. it's my dream. help me. it's my dream and i'm a small boy. it's my dream, man. >> i believe you. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> all you have to do is fill those out and bring them back in. >> all right. come on. we'll fill it out and bring it back. >> okay. we'll be right back. >> uncle frank, i'm caucasian? >> you're caucasian, yeah. like you're white. >> white? >> yeah, we're not yellow or black, we're white. >> like cappuccino? >> yeah, medium white. >> okay. thank you. >> all right. here's your pad and ordering pen. you guys enjoy. >> thanks, man. >> let's go to work.

what a beautiful family. >> oh, thank you. >> hi, can we take your order? >> certainly. >> i remember when i was in the ocean and the guy -- with the ice cream, like the spanish people go, and i buy ice cream and i ate a lot. who? >> rocky road. >> rocky? okay. my mom, she take me to the doctor. she cleaned my stomach because i ate a lot of like cream, i remember that day. and after this, i love ice cream. >> peppermint. >> one scoop? >> and m&m. >> i like ice cream and i like cake. >> one scoop of chocolate. >> chocolate. for a while during my life i had it almost every day. i cut back now to about four or five days a week. >> chocolate. >> chocolate. >> malt. >> malt. okay. chocolate malt. thank you.

>> yehya, let's get started. >> order right here, uncle frank. >> let me see. >> look. >> i think it's ice cream. >> mostly ice cream. >> okay. >> there's chocolate. >> no, it's so hard. >> the girl, she need m&m. >> for the kid. >> yeah. >> he wanted the malted. here. now we need milk. >> this milk? >> no, that's soup. >> soup? >> look for the refrigerator. >> oh. all right. >> let's start. >> a little more. >> want some? >> a quick taste. that's milk. >> the only thing we need now are cherries and whipped cream. let me get the whipped cream. more cherries. >> that's okay. >> okay. >> it's melting already. >> one minute. >> how does it taste? >> really good. >> okay. >> okay.

we've got -- this is your m&m. i put it on for you. is it melted? >> i got one for you. >> you want this -- very good. >> enjoy. enjoy your cherry. >> it's good, yehya. >> how you doing? >> good. how are you? >> good. can i get a couple of scoops in a cone? >> i don't know. i'll try. >> i like ice cream, i like whipped cream. how does this look? >> you need a banana now? >> got a banana? >> look at how it melts. i like nuts. >> need m&m's too. >> i like apple turnovers. >> that's a banana, yehya. >> i like crumb cake. do i love crumb cake. >> do you have something i can put this in to go? >> to go. we'll cover it with this. >> that's not gross. >> thank you, have a good day,

man. >> see ya. >> thank you. >> i like everything that's sweet. >> this is good. >> are you enjoying it? what do you think? great. >> what's you -- what's your name? >> i'm french. >> french, we can lanhang out together. we can go dancing. >> oh, i like to dance. >> oh, whoa. ♪ >> yeah. very nice. >> thank you, uncle frank. you make my dream. >> this is your dream. >> there's my dream. at least i sell ice cream and i sell soda too.

>> good job, yehya. i'm proud to be with you. >> thank you, up from. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. i have to say in my 41 years on this planet, i have never seen that much saliva exchanged. uncle frank and yehya, everybody. we'll be right back with anne heche. hey mom i need some minutes.

i just gave you some at the restaurant. yea i know. i threw them out. they were old so... old! they are rollover minutes. they are as good as new. ya know not everyone gets to keep their unused minutes. and these days we can't afford to be wasteful. saving minutes... ...saves money. yea. (announcer) only at&t's family talk with rollover saves your family's unused minutes. and saving minutes saves money. for back to school, get the lg neon for $29.99 after mail-in rebate. just because they're inside you doesn't mean they're protected. oh, ladies. let's say you have osteoporosis. i do. you could be losing one strength. can i get it back? (announcer) as your doctor how to help treat osteoporosis with once-a-month .actonel. actonel is clinically proven to elp reverse bonez lossd can help increase bone strength

to help prevent fracures. so you can get back some of what you lost. do not take actonel if you have low blood calcium, severe kidney disease, or cannot sit or stand for 30 minutes. follow all dosing nstructions. stop taking actonel and tell your doctor if you experience difficult .or painful swallowing, chest pain or severe or continuing heartburn. these may be signs of serious ! upper digestive problems. promptly tell your doctor if you develop severe bone, joint or muscle pain, or if you develop .dental problems, as serious jawbone problems have been reported rarely. the more you know about steoporosis, the more you'll want to ask your doctor if once-a-month actonel s right for you. (announcer) .if you can't afford " your medication, visit actonel.com tofind out how the alliance for better bone health may be able to help.

♪ hi, there. still to come, aubrey plaza and diane birch will be here. in addition to her co-starring role on the new hbo show "hung", our first guest appears alongside, beneath and sometimes on top of ashton kutcher in the new movie " spread". "spread" opens in select cities august 14. please say hello to anne heche. anne heche. [ cheers and applause ] you look fantastic. thank you for coming. >> thanks for having me. >> very good to see you. >> very good to see you.

>> you have a hung and spread coming out at the same time. >> two titles you don't want to repeat. only once in your career you can do that. >> did you know the titles before you decided -- >> there's why i chose them. >> i've gotcha. well, it's timely. >> something a little different. >> is that right? >> sure. spread your wings. >> speaking of spreading your wings, you're very naked in this movie i heard and ashton kutcher is your ask t-- is your co-star in this film. >> yeah. >> does he have to be naked also? >> all the time. he was just like forget it, no clothes. sure, let's be naked. >> he's very free with his body. >> he is. >> i don't like that. >> when you arrive in the morning, hi, i'm naked. >> driving to the set, naked. >> totally. oh this is a naked -- >> hey, you had a baby six

months ago? >> 4 1/2. >> 4 1/2? i thought that was insane, 4 1/2. >> not 4 1/2 years ago, 4 1/2 months. >> did you shoot this before that or after this? >> i'm going to say after because i looked hot in the movie. so let's just go with that. it's post pregnancy movie. yeah. no, before. >> your kids are named pulmer and atlas. they better learn to fight. >> well, he's a monster. homer is a monster. >> they're both greek -- >> i heard that. yeah. >> what about atlas? i said what about atlas? well, i mean, okay, cool name, but people will totally make fun of you. i was like okay, i'm good with that. anyway, let's name him atlas. >> your husband went along with it? >> i don't know why, kids kind

of tell you what their names are. >> is he strong? >> he is. he's a tough guy. >> the last thing you want, oh, yeah -- >> he can't be a wimp. not with that name. >> he has no choice. >> he can't wear glasses. >> he can't be an ethan, he has to be an atlas. >> absolutely. he's proven -- >> and does homer like atlas, the new addition? >> oh sure. his big question is like, mama, does he have to come along is his thing? do we have -- no, we can leave him in the car. that's what we did with you, and you're 7. >> so now, in this movie, we have a clip, one of the few scenes in which you and ashton have clothes on. >> that was weird. they had to get extras for that. serious. each item costs more. yeah. >> what are we going to see here? what's happening? >> well, clearly the most boring seen in the movie. >> well, yeah, sure. >> because we have our clothes on. i play a woman that goes away

and he's staying at my house and i called to see if he's going to be my boyfriend when i return and have dinner with friends and everything else. and he's in my pool swimming. >> well, let's take a look at "spread", coming out august 14. >> hello. >> hey. where are you? >> at your house. >> really? so why didn't you come swim last night? >> i was in new york. >> oh. these guys don't need a lawyer, they need a baby-sitter. listen, we have some friends coming over on thursday night. >> we do? >> we do. do you want to check your schedule? >> yeah. sure. hey, gina, how's my thursday night look? >> oh, that's sweet. so we're on? >> we're on. >> okay. bye. >> okay. bye.

>> well, he seems like a real catch. >> isn't he a winner? >> we should have shown the naked part. >> but everything would be bleeped out, right? >> well, there's okay. >> instead of words it would be body bleeps. >> is it as horrible as they say shooting that sort of thing, sex scene? >> awful. >> it is really bad? >> awful. >> really? >> well, the thing that this movie was -- so funny is everything is a sex scene and you're like okay. and everybody you're working with is a girl he had sex with. what are you shooting this morning? oh, you did it on the bed. okay, you did it from behind? did you -- you hung from the ceiling? so you did the trapeze? oh, okay, that's good. i mean, should we do a leg up, leg down -- oh, on the table. let's do it on the table. >> you ran out of human positions? >> honestly, we really did. >> wow. >> did demi show up on set? >> she was all over the bed, for

sure. yeah, yeah. she poked from underneath. stop that, not there. don't do that. >> well, great to see you. anne heche, everybody. "spread" is in select theaters on august 14 and watch "hung" sundays at 10:00 on hbo. a new season just got picked up. we'll be right back with aubrey plaza. (announcer) what does greatness taste like? round of miller lite. (announcer on call) ...here it comes... watch this now... got it!

my goodness! now you have seen it all. (announcer) that's what greatness tastes like. triple hops brewed. great pilsner taste. miller lite. taste greatness. are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint. its revolutionary web os allows multiple applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder and rain ) - millions are using the simply everything plan. - each is saving $1200 over an at&t iphone plan. - ( cash register dings ) together that's billions of dollars. enough to open a dunkin' donuts in space. from america's most dependable 3g network. bringing you the first and only wireless 4g network. get the palm pre. only from sprint. only on the now network. deaf, hard of hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com. introducing the all new chevy equinox. with an epa estimated 32 miles per gallon. and up to 600 miles between fill ups.

it's the most fuel efficient crossover on the highway. better than honda cr-v, toyota rav4 and even the ford escape hybrid. the all new chevy equinox.

♪ hi, there, we're back. as i promised we would. still to come, diane birch. our next guest is in the middle of a very big year. she has a new movie coming out with michael cera, a tv show with amy poehler called "parks & recreation", and as of today, you can see her with adam sandler and seth rogen in "funny people". take a look. >> do you like music? >> you like music? >> yeah, that's a weird question. >> ask me if i like food. >> that was my next question. good. do you like wilco playing at the greek theatre. i wondered if you wanted to go with me? >> yeah, i'd be into that. >> okay, great. so i guess we will go to the show together. >> not anymore. >> are you serious? >> no, i'll go. >> oh, okay.

>> don't they ever again. >> okay. >> please welcome the hardest working aubrey in show business, aubrey plaza. [ cheers and applause ] it's good to see you. you did a great job in the movie. >> thank you. >> you play a comedian in the movie. >> yes, i play a stand-up comedian. >> i assumed you were actually a comedian in real life, but you weren't at the time, were you? >> no. i was a exceedian, i did comedy at the upright citizens brigade theater in new york for five years, but i never had done standup before. >> you did sketch comedy and that sort of thing? >> sketch and improv. i knew they wanted a stand-up, so i kind of just like took it upon myself to try stand-up. >> and what did you do? you videotaped it? >> yeah, because i had gone

through the audition process and that went great, but i knew they wanted the cast to stand up, but i hadn't done it before. i thought maybe i'll tape myself doing it. even though that's a terrifying -- >> yeah. >> and put it online. and send it to judd somehow. so i did. i went up at this like [ bleep ] bar in queens. and i -- i wrote five minutes of jokes which i thought, you know, this is it, i think. stand-up. i had my friends film it and then i put it on youtube and i sent the link to the casting woman who then sent it to judd and then i think two days later they offered me the part. >> wow. >> after that. >> you really bamboozled them, didn't you? >> yeah, i'm known for my bamboozle, of bamboozlement. >> you had to do stand-up with adam sandler and seth rogen? >> yeah, i went with judd and adam to the magic club in

hermosa beach. i thout i was going to watch. but judd went, hey, aubrey you're going on into. you're going to go on tonight after adam, good luck and then he walked away. i thought he was kidding. [ laughter ] and he wasn't. >> he wasn't kidding, yeah. how did it go? >> it was okay. adam came up to me after -- after judd told me i was going on and he said, you're gonna to go on after me? i was like, yeah. and he's like, oh, you're gonna die. [ laughter ] yeah. and he was like, this not going to be a good night for you. yeah. go get 'em kid. and -- yeah. then he went on and did 20 minutes and people just clapped before he even opened his mouth. you know? >> yeah, right, sure. >> because they love him. and i just was -- i was behind the curtain just crying and --

[ laughter ] just really trying not to run away. >> well, this is a picture from where and when? >> oh, no. >> which one is you here? >> that's me. that's me. yeah. that's me. dressed as a chicken. >> this is what a chicken looks like in your life? >> yeah. yeah. that's a chicken. >> must be a fried chicken. [ laughter ] and why are you dressed as a chicken? >> well, there's something i used to do a lot in high school. [ laughter ] >> why? >> well, -- >> were you mascot of some kind? >> sure. for my own life, i was my own mascot. my own life. i -- i was in the ugly duckling, you know that play? >> yes. >> and we had the option to purchase our costumes after the show. and i played a chicken named hattie. and -- and my friend neil and i,

neil is a duck in that picture, we were like hell yes, we're going to purchase those costumes. >> well, sure. >> and we -- and friday nights was, you know, the night. we would just dress up like that and just walk around. and -- >> it looks like you did mushrooms and robbed the bank. [ laughter ] no? >> i actually -- i don't know who that woman is. >> really? [ laughter ] well, birds of a feather, i guess. [ laughter ] did you dress up frequently in unusual costumes as a youth? >> i -- yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. i did. well, i went to an all-girl's private catholic high school. >> uh-huh. >> hi, sister betty. [ laughter ] probably asleep. >> yeah. i hope so. >> yeah. but, yeah, and we had these dress down days where you could

kind of show off your style. because every other day we're wearing uniforms and people would come in their jeans or whatever. and i always took it upon myself to dress up as this character that i created who was a real estate agent named -- [ laughter ] -- named beverly cal pin. and i would wear my mother's like '80's skirt suits and i'd put my books in her briefcase and i would go to school and try to sell real estate to my teachers. [ laughter ] in the lunchroom. >> and how was business? did you sell anything? >> business was great. >> it was? >> oh, yeah. >> did the teachers like that? >> i think mrs. green bought -- was interested in some properties in upper darby. [ laughter ] it was really -- you know, i thought getting ready as beverly in the morning, i thought people don't know beverly is coming in today, they're going to be

excited. >> were the other kids excited to see beverly? >> i don't think. so i think it was just the delusion in my own mind. i would walk down the hall and people would go, hi, aubrey. beverly. >> this is before the market, the bottom fell out? the good old days? >> yeah. >> did you have bus benches or anything? >> no bus benches. >> well, congratulations. you did a great job in the movie. it's called "funny people". aubrey plaza. "funny people" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with diane birch. (announcer) take your time to find the right time

with cialis for daily use... a clinically proven, low-dose tablet for erectile dysfunction you take every day so you can be ready anytime the moment is right. tell your doctor about your medical condition and all medications and ask if you're healthy enough for sexual activity. don't take cialis if you take nitrates for chest pain, as this may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. don't drink alcohol in excess with cialis. side effects may include headache, upset stomach, delayed backache or muscle ache. to avoid long term injury seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than 4 hours. if you have any sudden decrease

or loss in hearing or vision stop taking cialis and call your doctor right away. (announcer) 36-hour cialis. or cialis for daily use. ask your doctor about cialis today, so when the moment is right, you can be ready. all: hi, john! going to college and need a laptop. what do you got? you, in the top corner. our next class laptops could be perfect for you. we got student feedback and designed them specifically for college. are they legit brands, though? boom! we partnered with hp, toshiba, sony and dell. okay. uh, what's the square root of 841? 29. announcer: laptops designed for college and thousands of people eager to help.

whwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhw! announcer: laptops designed for college honey honey honey honey honey! okay... i mean... you can't... this isn't a stove, alright? i mean... what if i just walked into the kitchen and started making a salad? - that'd be weird. - right? i mean, look, there's a technique. - okay... - ( strikes match ) wow. it's okay, everyone. - thanks, hon. - you're welcome. announcer: yep, it's that easy, - with kingsford match light. - ( match strikes )

all right. well, you're in for a treat. this is her debut cd. it's called "bible belt". here with the song "nothing but a miracle", diane birch. [ cheers and applause ]

♪ ♪ getting tired of living living for a moment ♪ ♪ getting tired of hanging on the line ♪ ♪ wake up every morning and i pull back the curtain ♪ ♪ wonder if it's gonna rain or shine ♪ ♪ getting tired of thinking getting so tired of begging ♪ ♪ getting tired of forgetting that there's two of us ♪ ♪ i'm getting so tired of loving my man ♪ ♪ that just don't give a damn just tell me ♪ ♪ tell baby why i'm holding on when your lovin's long gone i got a good mind ♪

♪ so why don't you tell me why i can't say good-bye just ♪ ♪ tell me baby why i've been holding on for so long ♪ ♪ and nothing but a miracle is gonna bring ya back ♪ ♪ bring ya back to me now ♪ i gotta get myself together gotta stop telling myself that i can do no better ♪ ♪ gotta go out and maybe start meeting some new people ♪ ♪ i gotta go out and buy myself one of those little black dresses ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm so tired of this t-shirt ♪ ♪ i'm so tired of cryin' off all my makeup ♪ ♪ gettin' just so tired of waking up ♪ ♪ with a lonely heart i'm getting so tired of giving a damn ♪ ♪ about an absent hearted man just tell me ♪ ♪ tell, baby, why i'm holding on

when your love is long gone i got a good mind ♪ ♪ so why don't you tell me why i can't say good-bye, just ♪ ♪ tell me baby why i've been holding on for so long ♪ ♪ and nothing but a miracle is going to bring it back ♪ ♪ bring you back to me now, oh, i can see it ♪ ♪ it's coming down the shadows ohh, i can see it ♪ ♪ it's coming through the windows oh, i can see it ♪ ♪ it's coming down the ceiling ooh, i can't escape the feeling ♪ ♪ i can't escape the feeling tell me ♪ ♪ why i'm holding on when your love is long gone ♪ ♪ i got a good mind so why don't you tell me why ♪ ♪ i can't say good-bye just tell me baby ♪

♪ why i've been holding on for so long ♪ ♪ and nothing but a miracle is gonna bring it back ♪ ♪ bring ya back to me now, oh, nothing but ♪ ♪ a miracle is gonna bring you back to me ♪ [ cheers and applause ]