tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC August 28, 2009 12:05am-1:05am EDT
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finally tonight, a remembrance of a colleague and friend, dominick dunne who died yesterday after a long battle with bladder cancer. he created his own beat at the intersection of power, money and justice and fame came to him late. in 1982, his daughter was strangled by a former boyfriend who confessed but served on
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2 1/2 years in prison. outraged, he dedicated the rest of his life to reporting on the trials and tribulations of the high and mighty and low and um seemly. to the famous front row seat at the o.j. simpson trial, he was unfailingly on the side of the victim. he had his long-time friend and editor at "vanity fair" tina brown said, a sticky magic that drew stories to him. it drew people to him as well. dominick dunne was 83. that's our report for tonight. "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. from all of us at abc news, good night, america. hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, and this is the samsung jack. a brand new crossover device in the tradition of the blackjack and blackjack two. with a built-in 3.2 mega pixel camera that allows you to shoot, post and share high-quality photos instantly.
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for instance, and now i send. simple as that. why are you dressed like theodore roosevelt, guillermo? >> i've been reading his autobiography and find him fascinating. >> okay. well, have a seat. and that's not the only big news from samsung. the third annual samsung at&t summer krush concert series is in full swing. >> is that samsung's free concert tour that goes to nine major cities with nine of today's hottest bands? dog named maxwell. >> wow, is that true? >> maybe. >> for more information about the samsung at&t summer krush concert series, go to samsungsummerkrush.com. >> "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with selena gomez, music from darius rucker and shaquille o'neal.
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>> hi. thank you. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. for those of you visiting from out of town, sorry we're on fire. the whole town is very hot right now. it was 100 degrees here in l.a. and to add to the fun, pretty much everything is amaze. there are three wildfires burning around us right now. l.a. county health officials are telling people not to under any circumstances inhale. so what a perfect way to end the summer. this is kind of our deal with god. we get to make all the pornography we want, and in turn he sets the city on twice a year. the fire department put out a statement today israeling all -- urging all miniature enthusiasts
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to suspend their plans until march. and michael vick was back on the football field for the first time in more than two years tonight. necessary in court this morning -- he was in court in morning in virginia and then he joined his team the eagles for a preseason game. they were worried there would be trouble between the animal rights activists and supporters from the naacp of michael vick. dozens of people showed from the animal shelter who did not like michael vick and these two showed up to support michael vick. he's very popular among cats. they actually got a lot of clears from the philly crowd. fans were even wearing his jersey, but it was obvious to me even from the limited time he played in the game that this guy
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still hasn't learned a thing. [ laughter ] i mean, that's ridiculous! >> wow. >> i mean, it really is ridiculous. the turnout for protests against republican and democratic plans for healthcare reform are not slowing down. these town hall meetings, there's people -- it ago like the whole country is turning into an episode of jerry springer. at phoenix yesterday, a woman started screaming crazy conspiracy theories at senator john mccain. he had to throw her out of the place which to me is no play to treat a former running mate. it really is. you know, when i want to see crazy people screaming i turn to daytime television. this is from a recent edition of judge mathis. forget the plaintiff. see if you notice a familiar face in the crowd. >> the woman has something from her churchsaying she has a
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certificate of covenant membership.95 -- excuse me. >> that looks a little bit like shaq, doesn't it? [ cheers and applause ] why he was there. he's here tonight. he's everywhere really. he's at all shows at all times. this is quite a blunder. the u.s. government as part of the economic recovery plan i guess accidentally sent $250 stimulus checks to prisoners in prison. wy sounds like a bad -- which sounds like a bad idea to everybody but president obama. >> these letters i think do more to keep me in touch with what's happening around the country than just about anything else. this one, for example, with all the huge money difficulties facing our country thought you
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might like to see how somebody spent their $250 stimulus money. you know, you get letters like that and it gives you a sense of what's best about america. and, it inspires you. >> yeah. sure. well, you know, they're criminals. the tools of be told". they follow people with unusual obsessions. last night they followed steve, and he's had 43 plastic surgeries. he had a chin implant, bicep implants, a cleft installed -- they sat steve down with his personal therapist who offered her expert opinion on his mental health. take a look. >> someone was concerned you had body dysmorphic disorder. >> mm-hmm. >> i don't see that with you. >> yeah? i'm not that obsessive and i'm
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not that addicted to surgery. i have clients that can't believe i even had one surgery. like unbelievable. >> i think you look absolutely beautiful. you're very real. there isn't anything phony about you. what you see is what you get. [ laughter ] >> huh? hold on a second. now, let's go back -- let's go back through that line by line if we can. let's show that again. >> someone was concerned you had body dysmorphic disorder. >> well, that concern seems reasonable to me. >> i don't see that with you. [ laughter ] >> you don't? >> i'm not that obsessive and
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i'm not thataddicted to surgery. >> right, it's not like i had 45 surgeries, i only had 43. believe that i have had even one surgery. >> are your clients blind? [ laughter ] because you look like you're wearing -- you look like a ceramic clown wearing a carnival mask. >> i think you look absolutely beautiful. [ laughter ] >> and by beautiful, i mean monster like. >> you're very real. >> not very real. very real for a ventriloquist puppet maybe. for a person, no. >> i mean, there really isn't anything phony about you. >> with the exception of your head and torso. and if you don't mind, make the check out to cash. how michael jackson missed her, i have no idea. this is kind of funny. microsoft did something dumb. they had to apologize for this photo they's -- they posted on the microsoft poland website. they turned the black person
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into the white person for the polish site and didn't change the hands. they called it a poor marketing decision and apologized to both black guys who live in poland. the founder of microsoft, bill gates, originally, he looked like this. [ laughter ] to be honest i think he looked better that way. one more thing to delight you. there's bar down the block on the sunset strip, called saddle they have a mechanical bull and and ride. and this is why i thank god every night as i go to sleep for the internet. enjoy. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ]
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samsung at&t summer krush concert series, from the grand old opry house in nashville, tennessee. playing one of the three number and b.j. novak and dead weather will join us. and then on saturday night, when we're not usually on, "jimmy kimmel's big night of stars". it's a very special one-on-one interview show, featuring michael phelps, tracy morgan, salma hayek, neil patrick harris, jason segal, matthew fox, tina fey, adam carolla, kevin james and more. so check that out at 10:00 p.m. here on abc. [ cheers and applause ] i don't care what you do. this is exciting. our first guest tonight is a four-time nba champion, a 15-time all-star and unquestionably the greatest irish-american player in the american history. now you can see him face off with the world's greatest athletes on his new show "shaq versus" here on abc tuesday nights at 9:00. plea
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wow. you've got one of those fancy new -- what's happening? thank you for coming. good to see you. >> any ime, brother. >> you're a small phone? >> no. this is a phone i had when i first came into the nba. oichbs t i was on the internet and i found it and i use it. >> it is usable? >> sure. >> are your thumbs too big to use a regular-size phone? >> no. >> okay. is it possible this is going to ring? >> any time now. >> perfect. how's everything? how's everything going? >> good. >> you're enjoying doing the new show? >> yes.
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it's fun. >> what would make you think you could beat -- like who are some of the athletes you have competed against? >> first of all, every male sits at home and says i can do that every male is a coach potato bravado. so when michael phelps was doing his thing, one of my boys challenged me. do you think you can swim 25 meters before he swims 50? i said, of course. i took it to abc and they loved it. >> let me tell you something about myself when i watch michael phelps on television i don't think that. >> i could beat you at anything. >> you probably could. >> it's not a failure rate. can he go down and back before you go down. handicap. >> i've gotcha. so you get -- >> a little bit. a little bit of a handicap. >> because when we play basketball -- >> you get no handicap. >> i didn't get a handicap. >> no. i scored on you and you said
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you'd run around naked if i scored on you. >> and you have that footage. do we have that footage -- well, we'll find it though. [ laughter ] but you welched on that particular bet. >> no, i did not. >> how can the athletes trust that when -- by the way, you haven't beaten any of these people, have you? >> yes, i have. i have beaten some people. >> not the shows on the air. >> right, but ther every single competition. what happened -- i saw you tweeted something happened at the l.a. zoo yesterday. >> true story. i'm at the zoo. in the back with my kids. we looking at the chimpanzees and the lady tells me, these monkeys are very tricky and they're going to offer you stuff, don't mess with them. i figure if they grab me i can smack me around. he has the face kind of like you have the face right now. he did went that and i went to
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reach for that. and the lady said, no, he has water in his mouth and the reason i twittered this, i was in the bathroom. i was had monkey vomit spit on me the whole day. >> did you kill the monkey? >> no. >> you didn't twitter about this but i heard you got a ticket. >> yeah i did. >> what happened? >> i was driving and somebody stopped in front of the car and i stopped and the police officer said keep going. he gave me a ticket forimpeding traffic. >> aren't you a police officer wouldn't get ticketed by other police officers? >> no. no. >> what's the deal of being a
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police officer? >> i deserve a ticket, i take the ticket. >> will you go to traffic school? >> no. >> you will pay the ticket, do you have a lot of tickets? >> i think in is my second -- i think this is my second ticket. >> you won't go to comedy traffic school or anything like that? >> no. >> that would be a fun thing for people to watch at home. >> you play scrabble at home. >> yes. >> i play scrabble also. >> you play scrabble against kids. it's not fair. >> i have played -- >> no way, no way. >> i have beat the championship scrabble kids and beaten them by the way. the stupid little jerks. >> i play against children. but i let them win. >> well, i have a scrabble board here and i thought it would be fun if throughout the show i could continue interviewing you and we will play scrabble.
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do you mindif -- >> yes. >> so >> i don't know if you get your hand in here. but there you go. >> it's ring. >> your phone is ringing? is it kobe? >> it probably s. hello? it is. >> kobe. he's upset that you won. i don't know. i know, it's a ridiculous hat, but -- [ laughter ] i think he got it from the frank sinatra museum, i don't know. [ laughter ] yeah, no, he it's really cold there. all right, man, take it easy. all right. he said good-bye. [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. you take your tiles right there.
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>> i'm in it. >> a seven. what do you mean, how many? seven is the number. >> one, two, three -- four, five, ix, seven. >> all right. i'll take those. against on "shaq versus"? >> ben roethlisberger. >> you played football. >> and misty may -- >> you lost. >> you lost to them in volleyball. >> yes, but it was close. albert pujols. >> you lost to him in baseball? >> no. >> you just gave away the ending to one of the episodes? >> no. just watch it. and then i box oscar de la hoya. >> you go first. >> i'll go first. this is for all the people who like to eat. you all like to eat.
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ever have a gyro sandwich? yeah. it's lamb. you can put lamb or put chicken in it. >> yeah. now, why would you spell it like that? >> because that's how you spell it? >> that's how you spell it? shaq's first word, got ten points right. there ten points for shaq. none for me so far. be right back. shaq versus jimmy in scrabble. be right back. there we go. >> you score on me i'll come on the show butt naked. >> how about that? how about that? that's what i do! it is very rewarding for me to see light bulbs turn on. i want my students to have something that they could apply the next day at work if they have to. for my students, they need to know that i'm there for them; - it's a passion of mine. - for them to say,
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and i'm a pc. mac, it's been kind of a roughkelton quarter, hello, i'm a mac. so i brought in a trainer to get me back on top of my game. come on, get started you bucket a bolts. pc mag rated mac #1 in customer support. are just gonna take that? no... pc world's readers called mac #1 in reliability. he's laughing at you. i'm not laughing at you. he's #1 in customer satisfaction. what are you?? okay, maybe we could try some positive reinforcement. sure. you're doing a good job mac. thanks. hey! nivea's first 3-in-1 shower...shampoo...and shave. it's almost everything men need for grooming... almost.
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yeah. no, nine points. all right. i have nine. jimmy, nine, shaq, ten right now. so it's your turn. so i heard you went to broadcasting school. >> yes. >> how was that? >> it was fun. >> what did you learn there? >> i learned the secrets of to do 's and don't's of how to be like you guys. >> really? can you share them with me? >> no. >> who taught you how do to do 's and don'ts of broadcasting? >> i went to syracuse. they say that's the best school. >> they do? >> yes. >> i heard it was not the best school. [ laughter ] i heard it was one of the worst. [ laughter ] >> oh, got a new word. >> oh, great. >> rigarole.
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i! >> rigarole. i! italian pasta. >> can i get some rigiro with cheese. >> rigiro is tough to top i'll tell you that. i'm going to go with quote. so that's 30 -- you get none for that. 31, 32, atriple letter -- 35 for quote. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay. >> so i'm winning. >> if i quote what you quote then i'm quoting you. so go ahead and add that d right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> so you've got 10, 11, 12, 13 -- you only get 15 for that. >> whoa whoa. >> because you don't get the
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triple letters after it has been used. >> is that true? >> yeah. >> my bad, my bad. >> you didn't learn that at that school, did you? [ laughter ] okay. let's see. i don't have much here to really work with. so i'm going to go -- i'm just going to go aid. i leave you the triple word there. good luck. it's your turn. what did i have there? six. so i have 50. >> if i go online i can get insurance and it was equoted. so equoted. [ cheers and applause ] ebay, equote. [ laughter ] >> yeah. you know what? i didn't know that word. >> yeah. hmm. but if you go to las vegas, and
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you meet a young lady in a club, maybe you'll get laide. i know it's not spelled right, but close enough. >> if i keep saying your quotes over and over again, then i just requoted. [ laughter ] one more. >> but if you and i were to take a shower together, i would see your begonads. you know what, i think we should call it a tie. >> one more. but then after you see the size, you'll say vogonado!
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[ laughter ] shaquille o'neal. watch "shaq versus" tuesday nights at 9:00 here on abc. when we come back, selena gomez is here. here's another "nattyism" with natty light. today's word is "natastrophe." "natastrophe." the unfortunate loss or destruction... of one's natty light. as in... once bill took his eyes off the prize... and put them on natalie, the party turned into a complete natastrophe. natty light. now you're talkin'.
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♪ we're back. darius rucker is on the way. this sunday her show "wizards of waverly place" is up for an emmy and simultaneously, her new film "wizards of waverly place, the movie" premieres on the disney channel at 8:00. and she owes it all to barney the dinosaur. please say hello to selena gomez. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. how are you? >> all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> are you -- have you met shaquille o'neal before? >> no he's very tall. >> i noticed that too right off the bat. are you a basketball fan? >> yeah. >> what's your team? is it not the cleveland
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cavaliers? >> my team is the santonio spurs. >> you're from texas? >> i'm from dallas. >> oh, you don't like the mavericks? >> my mom is a mavericks fan, my dad is a pistons fan and i'm a san antonio fan. we're fractured household. >> what about shaq, will you root for him? >> yeah. we will now. >> you're how old? >> 17 years old. >> you have been on tv since -- let's play the clip. >> oh, no. ♪ you wave it in the air and he got his feet wet, but he didn't get his belly button wet, yet ♪ ♪ barney is getting in the water barney is getting in the water ♪ ♪ barney's getting in the water but he didn't get his belly
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button wet ♪ >> and then you drown barney. [ cheers and applause ] >> you're embarrassed by that? that's very cute. >> no, i embrace it. i've been made fun of, of course. other than that, i'm good. >> it reminds me of like people trying to get shaq in the tub. [ laughter ] is barney? because i've heard mixed things about him. >> he's a great guy. >> he's pretty cool? >> he's pretty cool. been in the suit for ten years. >> do little kids go crazy when they met you? >> yeah, it's sweet though. i love my fans. they know me as alex. >> right. >> the little ones always say alex which is my character's name. >> and you havemagical powers
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on the show. >> i do. >> but not in real life? that? >> the little kids go, is the magic real? i say, do you believe the magic is real? and they say yes. then you believe the magic is real. >> so these are dumb kids? >> not at all. they're cute. >> do they try to get you to do ma'amic for them? >> yes that's when i say got to go. and then i disappear. >> that's the trick worth learning. you're up for an emmy. are you going to the show? >> i am. >> who are you up against for the emmy? >> "icarly" and "hannah montana". >> is this a rivalry between you and the kids on those shows? >> no, i'm fine with whoever wins as long as it's a disney show. >> really? how socialist of you. shaq, can you believe that? if shaq was up for an emmy, he'd
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find a way to breakthe legs of rather it be you? >> well, yeah. i want it to be my show, not just me. >> do you go to school or did you graduate? >> yes, i do. i'm going into the senior year. >> how do you do with that work and everything? >> i'm home schooled and i do it on the set while on the show. >> it's harder to ditch then? >> yeah. >> but if there's an election for student body president -- >> that's me brother on the show. >> one poster, you win. >> yeah. >> so you have a teacher that works for you. i'm always interested in that, because i wish i could have fired my teachers when i was a kid. you can fire your -- >> no, mostoy. and you're in a tiny room. >> they hate it? >> and things happen. >> magical things? [ laughter ] >> sure. yeah. >> so they -- how many teachers have you gone through? >> three. >> three, wow.
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>> but they're -- but they wanted to leave us for better things. not just because we'rekind of crazy. >> just -- in the class together. >> yeah. >> can you read and stuff like that? >> yeah. >> so they're doing a good job. do you ever get a bad grade from your home school tautor? >> yeah. >> i would not tolerate that. >> why? i canfire them after that. good after all. >> maybe. maybe. >> what is this new movie about? it's a big two-hour version of your show? >> pretty much. it's about three wizards. i play one of them and the sister. and the movie is about a family
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that -- a family -- we take a family vacation. i wish that my parents had never even met and it accidentally comes true. so it's up to me and my brothers before we reverse the spell and it comes true. >> do you reverse the spell? >> i don't know. you have to watch it. >> that could be horrible for the young kids. you have a cd coming out. >> yes. >> is that your backup band -- >> that's my band. >> the scene. its called kiss and tell. shaq has made some cd's. [ laughter ] recording. maybe you guys could do a duet or something. >> why not? >> no, not something like that? shaq uses bad words. not just in scrabble, but also in his music too. >> oh, okay.
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♪ ♪ all right, all right yeah, it's all right ♪ ♪ all right ♪ don't need no five-star reservations ♪ ♪ i've got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine ♪ ♪ don't need no concert in the city ♪ ♪ i've got a stereo and the best of patsy cline ♪ ♪ ain't got no caviar, no dom perignon ♪ ♪ but as far as i can see, i've got everything i want ♪ ♪ 'cause i've got a roof over my
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head ♪ ♪ the woman i love laying in my bed ♪ ♪ and it's alright, alright i've got shoes under my feet ♪ ♪ forever in her eyes staring back at me ♪ ♪ and it's alright, alright and i've got all i need ♪ ♪ and it's alright by me maybe later on we'll walk down to the river ♪ ♪ lay on blanket and stare up at the moon ♪ ♪ it may not be no french riviera ♪ ♪ but it's all the same to me as long as i've got you ♪ ♪ it may be a simple life, but that's okay ♪
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♪ if you ask me baby, i think i've got it made ♪ and it's alright, alright ♪ ♪ i've got shoes under my feet forever in her eyes staring back at me ♪ ♪ and it's alright, alright and i've got all i need ♪ ♪ and it's alright by me it's alright by me, yeah yeah ♪ ♪ when i lay down at night i thank the lord above ♪ ♪ for giving me everything i ever could dream of ♪ ♪ 'cause i've got a roof over my head ♪ ♪ the woman i love laying in my bed ♪ ♪ and it's alright, alright, alright ♪
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the price you pay on remaining '08 and '09 models. you'll find low, straightforward pricing. it's simple. now get an 2009 chevy silverado half-ton for under $18,000 after all offers. go to chevy.com/openhouse for more details. all right. thanks to shaquille o'neal and selena gomez. our apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. all right. thanks to elena gomez. our apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. this is his cd, "learn to live", once again from nashville playing us off the air with "history in the making" once again, darius rucker. good night! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ don't move, baby, don't move ah, look at you, i just wanna take this in ♪ ♪ the moonlight dancing off your skin ♪ ♪ our time, let's take our time i just wanna look in your eyes and catch my breath ♪ ♪ 'cause i got a feelin' this could be oneof those memories ♪ ♪ baby, this could be our last first kiss, the door to forever ♪
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