it's time now for tonight's "closing argument." president obama tomorrow moves from the classroom to congress where he will resume his healthcare fight. in an interview with robin roberts that will air on "good morning america" tomorrow, the president said that he will offer specifics in greater clarity.

but what he thinks needs to be done including the so-called public option in healthcare. so tonight, we ask you, do you think president obama's healthcare plan will ultimately pass the congress? and should it? tell us what you think by clicking on the "nightline" page only abcnews.com or the "nightline" twitter page. tomorrow night, special coverage of the healthcare address to congress on abc at 8:00 p.m. eastern along with a behind the scenes look inside the mayo clinic with robin roberts. but that's our report for tonight. "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. from all of us at abc news, good night, america. hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, and i'm not just a talk show host. i'm an answer man to the curious masses. your question? >> yeah, i was wondering what the weather is going to be like tomorrow? >> weather is going to be like

tomorrow? mainly sunny, high of 88. northwest winds at ten miles per hour and a dew point of 51 degrees. that will be $8. >> oh. >> come on, now. >> four -- i've got another four. that's eight. thank you very much. >> very good. next question? >> i was wondering about the gestation period of a spider monkey? >> gestation period of a spider monkey? let me think about it for a second. between 226 and 232 days. >> thank you. >> $8, please. thank you very much. you know, you may be filled with wonder and amazement and believe me, so am i with my hp mininetbook from verizon wireless. with the hp mininetbook, the answers to all of life's questions are right at my fingertips. it's more portable and more affordable than a traditional laptop and offers a bevy of ways to stay connected. mobile broadband, global access for international travel, wi-fi,

ethern ethernet, and best of all, verizon's high speed 3g network. you can browse the web almost anywhere. even here on hollywood boulevard. okay, one more question. >> jimmy, have you seen my hp mininetbook from verizon wireless? it's missing. >> no hablo ingles. >> the hp mininetbook with access to mobile broadband, built-in with america's largest and most reliable 3g network, verizon wireless. the hp mininetbook, connected. portable. affordable. [ cheers and applause ] "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes with jennifer connelly, jeffrey ross and boys like girls.

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comedian jeffrey ross. celebrity avenger jake byrd. and music from boys like girls. with cleto and the cletones. and now, no kidding, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by abc, inc. >> well, hi, there.

>> well, hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. i want to -- [ cheers and applause ] i want to confess something to you. moments before the curtain opened i realized my fly was all the way down. [ laughter ] i hope you had a good labor day weekend. i did have -- i spent most of it really watching television, specifically the jerry lewis telethon. i watch it every year. the muscular dystrophy telethon is a wonderful thing and growing up in las vegas it was a family tradition to watch the telethon. especially when the ventriloquists and magicians saw each other in half. but especially when jerry lewis opens his mouth to sing. ♪ ♪ rock a bye baby ♪ ♪ oh, yeah [ laughter ]

>> all right. well, what do you want, the jonas brothers? it's a telethon, for god's sake. jerry was not in a great mood this year. let's just right off the bat. he scolded his crew a couple of times on the air, and well, here's what happened when they went to the tote board. >> jerry, jerry, i think we have a total. mr. lewis, look. whoo. there you go. >> i'd give anything to see the number up there. but south point put their [ bleep ] under it. >> hello? i mean, next year the hotel rooms won't be free. of the first day of school for most american children. today, president obama took the opportunity to address them on

c-span, to emphasize the importance of hard work and education. for some reason that caused a lot of controversy. some people accused the president of trying to brainwash our kids into getting an education which we as americans cannot stand for. and some other people -- this is crazy. they said his advice telling kids to work hard -- excuse me -- stay focused and make sacrifices to achieve success was an insult to former president bush. but some parents actually kept their kids home from school so they wouldn't see it. if i was a kid, being told i wasn't allowed to see the speech would be the only thing that would give me any interest in seeing it in the first place. why are they worried about kids paying attention to something they wouldn't pay attention to anyway? president obama was forced to announce that allowances would be slashed by 50% this year. in fact, he had tough words for students and i'm not sure how

well the students took it. >> i'm working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books and computers that you need to learn. but you've got to do your part too. so i expect all of you to get serious this year. i expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. i expect great things from each of you. >> that's a good way to get the swine flu right there. [ laughter ] the speech lasted about 18 minutes. basically he pulled them out of class so he could go on television to tell them to stop watching television. and the kids themselves, you know, they -- you know kids, they don't get fazed by this stuff. for most of them it's an excuse to get out of the classroom and this sixth grader had this reaction to the president's speech. >> what do the school kids think a nice break from classes or something more meaningful? here is one 12-year-old boy's opinion. >> um, the president's black. [ laughter ]

>> well, that's a leap. at least he learned something. i can't believe that. here in california, governor schwarzenegger has pronounced a reward for the information on who started the wildfires. and now we need the $100,000, and i hope they will take an iou. guillermo, here's what's going to happen. i'm going to turn you in as the person who started the wildfire and then you can keep 10%. what do you say? >> deal. >> while the fires are going, a water main burst caused a flood on ventura boulevard here and another one caused a sink hole that swallowed a fire truck. we don't usually get sink holes in l.a. so i want to explain in terms that people who live here

might understand. a sink hole is caused by a broken water main is like a large ruptured breast implant. [ laughter ] what a mess. flooding and we're on fire at the same time. and our fire trucks are being swallowed by the earth. i don't know what we did to deserve this, but just to be safe i think we should throw jon and kate into a volcano. couldn't hurt, right? [ cheers and applause ] this is -- this is a strange story. on sunday a linebacker for the san diego charger, shawne merriman was arrested for allegedly assaulting bisexual mtv dating star tila tequila. they're dating, i guess. she claims she was trying to leave his house when he choked and threw her down. he says she was drunk and was trying to stop her from driving. he said she wasn't drunk and is in fact allergic to alcohol

which is odd for a person whose last name is tequila. i don't know. a lot of the stars have surprising allergies. joan rivers for instance, allergic to botox. this guy from the biggest loser -- allergic to food. paris hilton, allergic to sex. and nadya suleman, allergic to babies. so this allergy thing shouldn't be surprising to us at all and yet it is in college football, terrelle pryor -- he's a quarterback for ohio state. he -- oh, don't clap so fast. he went on the field with the words mike vick written in the black in the eye black. why a guy who's black would bother to wear eye black i don't know, but after the game he

described the tribute to the world's biggest dogfighting promoter. >> he made his mistake and he needs the support. everyone does -- kills people, murders people. and whatever. i just feel that people need to give him a chance. >> really? [ laughter ] everyone kills and murders people? even blake lively of gossip girl? are you telling me blake lively is a murderer? i don't believe that. maybe he means everybody who plays football kills. that i would believe. we have a great show tonight. on the show tonight, jennifer connelly. [ cheers and applause ] the not very lovely, but very funny jeffrey ross will be here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] music tonight from a band called boys like girls. and when we come back, jake byrd. he showed up at a healthcare

rally here in l.a. this is jake byrd, they really rolled out the red carpet for him. >> people die in the streets -- >> -- touch my body. don't touch my body. why don't you go to the doctor? he's talking me. >> so let's just say it didn't go well, and we'll be right back with more jake byrd. so stick around. ♪ breaking up is hard to do

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♪ hi, there, we're back. joining us tonight, the real-life academy winning actress. her new movie "9" opens tomorrow. jennifer connelly is here. i've not met her before. i hope i'm able to form sentences. also tonight, a funny man who has written a new book. it's called "i only roast the ones i love". jeffrey ross is here. and when he gets out here, don't under any circumstances tell him he was voted off "dancing with the stars" because he still

doesn't know. and later on, from boston, their new cd is called "love drunk". music from boys like girls. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, kathy griffin will be here with us. if you pay any attention to celebrities or courtrooms, you may be familiar with man named jake byrd. wherever there are news reporters, jake byrd is there. this is jake last month at the jackson family custody hearing. >> i want to applaud debbie rowe. she's faced difficulties and pressures none of us know. and today's agreement shows that she responded with heart, integrity and selflessness. >> see, he tries to lend a hair wherever he goes, and it turns out that celebrity trials aren't the on thing that jake byrd is passionate about. last week, we had a healthcare rally in here in l.a. needless to say, tempers have been running high at these things. so jake showed up to help calm everyone down. >> we're just looking for major

healthcare reform. bring the change to healthcare like was promised in the election. >> i'm a doctor, it's a sad thing. you know that burying -- they're burying michael jackson tonight and you know who loves playing doctor? michael jackson. [ laughter ] >> all right. thanks. you guys want to finish -- >> it hurts when i do this. >> all right. >> there shouldn't be unhealthy people -- thrown out on the streets. >> rem is right. shiny, happy people need healthcare. [ laughter ] >> probably just need basically a diversion. >> that will be me in the corner, me in the spotlight. ♪ losing my healthcare. [ laughter ] >> that's the police, dude. >> don't get close to me. i'm serious, dude. >> people who like myself are not insure and i go to natural

food stores and supplements and things. >> i'd like myself a colonic with the super soaker. >> okay. on that note -- >> people that i work with, for example, one of the people in my office had a cousin that lost his finger in a work accident. >> how'd he lose it? wait, wait, wait. i'm sorry. >> sir -- >> i didn't realize you guys are making a movie. >> this is a worker who never got his finger back because he couldn't afford to have it put back on because he didn't have insurance coverage. >> boy, was it tough for him to flip off the insurance company. >> i think every person has a right for the basic human rights. >> that's what -- >> people die in the streets of -- >> you're saying that because -- don't touch my body. don't touch my body. he's attacking me and i'm in a movie.

which reminds me of the election when it was mccain against obama. get him, obama. get him, mccain. >> we are here today to turn outrage into action. >> get her done! get her done! get her done! >> -- a strong advocate for healthcare reform so let's do it for kennedy. let's do it for ted. >> and michael jackson! and michael jackson! >> for michael jackson, for michael jackson! >> i have attended a lot of people this past week and they say tea baggers, they're really loud. let's go -- >> stop the tea baggers stop top the tea baggers! >> take it upon yourself -- >> for everyone we have heard today, let's get the job done. you have been really, really patient.

you have been incredible. thank you so very much. >> oh, my leg! i need a doctor. my leg. i have good insurance. [ cheers and applause ] >> don't worry, he's all right. jake byrd, everybody. jake, thanks for coming. >> hi. >> real quick, jake. i didn't know -- why do you care so much about healthcare reform, i had no idea. >> first of all, michael jackson got killed by a doctor. and secondly, can i tell you about a healthcare horror story. i went to the doctor's and he told me to take my pants off, which was fine, but he was my dentist. >> jake byrd, everybody.

we'll be right back with jennifer connolly. this is lisa and jackson. they told us they wanted a laptop with....

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♪ our first guest and i are both from brooklyn, and that's where the similarities end. she's an academy award winning actress with a new movie, the animated adventure "9" opening tomorrow. please say hello to jennifer connelly. [ cheers and applause ] well, very nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you. >> you know, i know you live in new york, but you're here for a month or something? >> yes. i'm going home tomorrow morning. >> oh, you are? >> i've been here for about a month now. >> while your husband has been working? >> yes, my husband is doing a film out here. it's great.

it's become great. it wasn't great to start with. >> did you start the wildfires by any chance? [ laughter ] i'm looking for someone to turn in. no? >> not me. i wish i could help you out. >> your husband? that would be win-win. >> sorry. >> didn't either? you're positive? why did you say it didn't start well, you're not excited about being away from home for a month? >> no, i -- i just, you know, it's a different kind -- it's a different kind of town, you know? being from brooklyn from new york. >> yeah, it's different. >> a different feel here. i wasn't sure what to do with myself. my children here. >> you could have called, by the way. i don't know -- >> thank you. next time i may. thank you. >> please do. >> well, we settled in. like i said, it became great. i found things to become involved in. for my kids it was swimming. my younger son dylan couldn't swim at all when he got here. now he's cannonball -- >> how old is he? >> 6. >> my older son has perfected

his dive and for me, i've taken on mixed martial arts. [ cheers and applause ] >> for exercise or career? >> kind of -- yes. as a new -- >> will you be fighting in vegas? >> you know, my husband is doing an action film, so he's been doing some martial arts. i was watching him doing it and i thought that looks like fun, i'll give it a try. >> really, was it fun? >> you know what happened was i -- i threw my first punch and i heard that -- that really loud crack of my fist hit the pad. >> yeah. >> i got this huge smile on my face. >> really? >> and i was like, you know, i was a little embarrassed and frankly confused that hitting something was bringing me so much pleasure. >> yeah. you discovered an affinity for violence. >> i have discovered that, you know, inside this sort of -- you

know, mild mannered woman beats the heart of a ruthless ninja is what i discovered. >> are your children now scared of you? >> my children are not scared of me that i've noticed so far. >> you should break something in front of them. are you a strict mother in general? >> um, i -- i don't think i'm particularly strict. >> you're not? >> no. i think -- i think i'm -- some things i have strong opinions about. rudeness. >> you're against it? >> i'm very against rudeness. [ laughter ] i believe in manners, i believe in discipline. but, you know, other things that people are very uptight about, i'm not uptight about. >> like what? >> cursing. i'm not uptight about cursing. >> you'll let your kids curse? >> i won't let my kids say [ bleep ]. because that's rude.

that's directed towards someone else. >> what if they're looking in the mirror and they say it? >> if they're saying [ bleep ], that's rude. i wouldn't want them to say it to somebody else or to themselves. i'd make it clear this is very surprising to other people, other grown-ups find this surprising. >> you say, listen, curse all you want in the house, but don't go to school -- >> don't go to school and don't say, pass me a [ bleep ] pencil. you don't say that. you say may i please a pencil. >> i think i understand why you're learning to fight. so your 6-year-old will use the f-word and curse? >> you know -- >> that's got -- that's kind of cute when little kids do that. >> not often. they do know like, you know, not in public. only in the house. again, it's only, you know, that kind of context. but every once in a while -- i. >> i like that. it sounds like a stupid thing,

you know you'll wind up doing it eventually. i guess they'll eventually drive too but you don't let them do that when they're 16. >> but here's the thing. i see like, you know, parents letting their kids be frankly rude. frankly brats, you know? you think, that kid is really a brat. you say that kid is a [ bleep ] brat and they say, you can't curse in front of my child. people get uptight about that sort of thing, but they don't mind if they seem to let their children be -- >> your husband goes along with this? he probably goes along with everything you want? i'd be more like a slave than a husband. something to keep in the back of your mind. [ laughter ] so -- now this movie is an animated movie which seems like a real crime to start with, but you're providing the voice of a -- what is your character's name in the movie? >> seven.

>> seven? >> yeah. >> seven. >> and the movie is "9". >> the movie is "9". we're all basically rag dolls. they call them stitch punch characters and my character is a warrior. >> we have a clip -- well, perfect. you should say you trained to do the voiceover. >> that's really -- start telling people that story. she's very serious. she learned to fight to do a voiceover for a cartoon. >> it's brought something out of me. like now i'm getting nervous and i realize -- you know, i want to punch your face. >> you do? [ laughter ] >> yeah. that's what's making me realize -- >> you want to punch my face? >> i'm only kidding. i'm only kidding. >> we can wrestle or something like that. [ laughter ] that would be a great legacy for me. yeah, you remember that guy who got beaten up by jennifer connelly? >> i'm only joking.

you have a lovely face. >> thank you very much. you're allowed to touch it, but not in a violent way. do we need to know anything going in other than you're the character fighting i think on screen. >> i have the fancy head gear and she's coming in to kind of save the day. she's -- as we said, kind of a fierce warrior. >> here it is, the new movie "9" opens tomorrow. take a look, jennifer connelly. ♪ >> seven? i don't believe it.

you've come back. >> i never left. you have only decided to join the fight. >> there you go. jennifer connelly. "9" opens in theaters tomorrow. thank you very much for being here. we'll be right back with jeffrey ross. [ female announcer ] new swiffer wet mopping cloths clean so deep... ...it's like your old mop's worst nightmare.

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♪ hi, there. still to come, boys like girls. our next guest is a comedian, a documentary filmmaker and the worst celebrity ballroom dancer since mister p. his new book "i only roast the ones i love" is available to purchase and read starting september 15. please welcome the roast master general, jeffrey ross. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow.

>> nice shoes, by the way. >> hey, man. dressing up for you, pal. >> elvis and liberace got together and made footwear. >> you're going to make fun of me? [ laughter >> it seems only fair. what's going won the chain and everything? did you go back to new jersey? >> i did spend a summer in new jersey, where we can take a joke better than anyone in the world. yeah? >> ever since the birds hit the plane, remember? that captain chesley sully sullenberger, remember the cockpit recording? captain, we have an open runway at teterboro runway in new jersey. um, screw that. brace for impact. [ laughter ] jersey can take a joke. >> i was watching the telethon over the weekend and how were you not on that? how is that possible? you should be on the telethon. you know jerry lewis, right? >> i do love jerry lewis.

people make fun of jerry lewis and what about the good things he does? what about the fact that a 6-year-old got up out of his wheelchair for the first time and turned off the jerry lewis teleth telethon? [ laughter ] >> i know, because i read a book that is a -- that that is a joke you did in front of jerry lewis. how did he react to that? >> he almost had a heart attack, and then he didn't have a heart attack and then he had a heart attack on the plane the next day. the rule in the book is never roast anyone over 82. they could have a heart attack. >> very good advice. have you done the actual telethon? >> i have done it a couple of times. i met ed mcmahon there, may me rest in peace. years ago i was on "star search". remember that? >> yeah, of course. >> it was the first time i was on tv. back then i used my whole name which was jeff lipschultz. >> a beautiful name. i don't know why you changed

that. >> it's an old hebrew name that means, hey, you ought to change that. i was real nervous, i was on nutri/system, i lost 22 pounds. ed mcmahon said please welcome this week's challenge, jeff [ bleep ]. i heard that joke in my heard that i heard in fifth grade. if your [ bleep ] talks, my lips talk. yeah. on the flight home i realized i had to change my name for show business. years later i see ed mcmahon at the jerry lewis telethon, i'm doing good, my career issi movi up. i said, mr. mcmahon, you probably don't remember this but you messed up my name and it helped me define myself as a professional comedian. he introduced me, a hot young comedian named josh ross! [ laughter ] so i love ed mcmahon. >> what are you going to do? for those who don't know what a

roast is -- i think most everybody, but tell us about the art of the roast. because you broke that down here in the book. >> a roast is when -- it comes from a place of affection. we all take somebody we like a lot and give them a pat on the back and a kick in the balls. we recently roasted one of my favorites, joan rivers, which is tricky because i never roasted a dead person before. [ laughter ] yeah. i said if you google her you can find her on google and schindler's list. [ laughter ] yeah. yeah. she looks like michael jackson's negative. so -- has anyone -- >> have any of the people gotten angry at you for the jokes? >> well, penny marshall took a swing at me one time. i know karate. >> so you got away from laverne. >> i was roasting her ex-husband, rob reiner once. i said, how do you embarrass someone who married penny marshall? [ laughter ]

i said, what was your wedding song? how much is that doggie in the window? >> i remember that. i was at this roast. >> then she came at me at another roast. i said, who are you again? lenny or squiggy? [ laughter ] but you know it comes from a place of love. >> yes. yeah. >> and, you know, basically i can roast anybody. >> how do you decide whether or not you will do a joke? because sometimes they're rough and there are a couple of instances in the book where you asked me whether you should do a joke or not. i said, no, i don't think you should and of course you went and did them anyway. >> the trick is to take it right to the line. you don't want people to think you went soft on somebody. we were roasting pamela ander isson. it was a benefit for the people for the ethical treatment of animals and i came out in a fur coat. i said, don't worry it's not real, we shaved bea arthur's

back. and courteney cox went to the bathroom with andy dick and she was an a maniac. she kept interrupting everybody and -- >> she was crazed. >> i felt like a certain sort of mission in my heart to try to roast her into rehab. [ laughter ] so i wrote a couple of jokes on the margin and first one was courtney love you're like the girl next door. if you happen to live next to a methadone clinic. i had another joke in my margin. i went to jimmy during the commercial break and i said is this joke too hard? he said, you cannot do that joke under any circumstances, not a good idea. but then i was up there and courtney love started to come at me. you know, it was a benefit for peta.

i thought someone should have a stun gun and the first joke didn't stop her. i dropped the joke and the joke was, folks, how is it possible that courtney love looks worse than kurt cobain? and roasting saves lives. the next day she went into rehab. i saved her life. >> you did? what a hero. we're almost out of time. now, you said -- you mentioned that in the book that roasting you can get girls through roasting. >> right. >> this is your girlfriend. >> right. >> who is going to make people hate you. >> if you can get a girl to laugh at you, so i talked her into giving me that for her birthday last year. i gave her this for her birthday because it's important -- it's important for a girl to be able to take a joke as well. >> well, that is a beautiful -- i'd like a copy of this for my bedroom. >> it's on my website. >> jeffrey ross, everybody.

"i only roast the ones i love". it's in bookstores, everybody. be right back with boys like girls. ( rock music playing ) if we're gonna rebuild this country, we're gonna need the truck that's ben on the job for the last 100 years. gmc-- engineers of the 2009 sierra. [ female announcer ] nature fusion from pantene helps make hair strong against damage in 14 days.

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their new cd came out today. it's called "love drunk". here with the song with the same name, here's boys like girls. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ top down in the summer sun the day we met was like a hit and run ♪ ♪ and i still taste it on my tongue ♪ ♪ taste it on my tongue the sky was burning up like fireworks ♪ ♪ you made me want you, oh, so bad it hurt ♪ ♪ but girl in case you haven't heard ♪ ♪ i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover ♪ ♪ love you forever forever is over ♪ ♪ we used to kiss all night now it's just a bar fight ♪ ♪ so don't call me cryin' ♪ say hello to good-bye 'cause just one sip ♪ would make me sick i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover ♪ love you forever but now it's over ♪

♪ ♪ hot sweat and blurry eyes we're spinnin' round a roller coaster ride ♪ ♪ the world stuck in black and white ♪ ♪ stuck in black and white you drove me crazy every time we touched ♪ ♪ now i'm so broken that i can't get up ♪ ♪ oh, girl, you make me such a lush ♪ ♪ i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover ♪ ♪ love you forever forever is over ♪ ♪ we used to kiss all night now it's just a bar fight ♪ ♪ so don't call me cryin' ♪ say hello to good-bye 'cause just one sip ♪ ♪ would make me sick i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover ♪ ♪ love you forever, but now it's over ♪ ♪ all the time i wasted on you all the [ bleep ] you put me through ♪ ♪ i'm checkin' into rehab 'cause

everything that we had ♪ ♪ didn't mean a thing to you i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover ♪ ♪ love you forever but now i'm sober ♪ ♪ i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover ♪ ♪ love you forever forever is over ♪ ♪ we used to kiss all night ♪ now it's just a bar fight so don't call me cryin' ♪ ♪ say hello to good-bye 'cause just one sip ♪ ♪ would make me sick i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover ♪ ♪ love you forever, but now it's over ♪ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ ♪ nah nah nah nah

nah nah nah nah ♪ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ [ cheers and applause ]