tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 24, 2009 12:05am-1:05am EDT
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"closing argument" time. iranian president mahmud ahmadinejad made anti-semitic remarks and hurled attacks at the united states at the united nations tonight. the u.s. and several other delegations walked out of the united nations general assembly. earlier today, it was libya's moammar khadafy a long-time
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sponsor of terrorist atrocities, and he gave a rambling diatriat in which he tore up a copy of the u.n. charter. has the u.n. become irrelevant, an international joke? tell us what you think by checking on thele in it will page at abcnews.com or on the "nightline" twitter page. tomorrow night we'll look at the ten commandments, how do they apply in modern-day life? and we'll start with a face-off debate on the topic of adultery with the question, are we born to cheat? that will be interesting. that's our report for tonight. "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. for now, i'm terry moran. for cynthia mcfadden and martin bashir and all of us at abc news, good night, america. hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. tonight, i'm joined by special guests.
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joseph and john and the stars of the highly anticipated new drama "flash forward". if you'll be so kind, please tell us a little bit unscripted in your own words about your new show. >> well, "flash forward" is the story of a mysterious global event that causes all seven billion people on the planet to black out for two minutes and 17 seconds. john, continue. >> um, well, joe when the blackout is over, people wake up to complete chaos. everyone who survived is left wondering what happened. don? >> thanks. during the blackout, they had visions of their lives six months in the future. john? >> and so global race begins to find out whether the visions will come true and what or who caused them to occur. back to you, jim. >> thanks, john.
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now, you said the blackouts last for two minutes and 17 seconds. >> jim, that's correct. >> let me run a theory behind you. i don't want another "lost" situation on my hands. 217 is the area code for springfield, illinois. >> and springfield, illinois, was the home of -- >> i got this. i did my history, abraham lincoln. and abraham lincoln is on the penny, right? >> and penny is the name of sonia walger's character on "lost." >> wait, wait. sonia is in "flash forward". >> therefore, sonia must have caused the blackout. [ cheers and applause ] no, that's not it. >> just watch the show. >> okay, we will. >> catch the premiere of "flash forward" this thursday here on
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abc. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with courteney cox, jessica capshaw and the first eliminees from "dancing with the stars," macy gray and ashley hamilton. bring it. if we're known for one thing... we've got the best customer service. - low fares. - frequent flights, that's what we're known for. - customer service. - low fares. - we're known for a lot of things. - bags fly free. the lowest fares. great pilots too. - customer service. - low fares. we're not saying other airlines are bad; we're just awesome. low fares, customer service, frequent flights, on time performance... bags fly free. come on over here and fly with us. ( ding )
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the new twenty-ten lacrosse from buick. it's the new class of world class. >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- courteney cox. from "dancing with the stars," macy gray and ashley hamilton. "grey's anatomy's" jessica capshaw. and music from george benson. with cleto and the cletones.
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and now, get it together, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by abc, inc. >> i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. from those of you visiting us from out of town, this was autumn and it was 103 degrees. the weather here in is getting hotter every year. a lot of women have figured out a way to adjust to the heat by implanting two melon-sized sacks of liquid to the front of their chest to help them regulate the temperature from within, which is ingenious. not only is it hot, there are more wildfires, five new ones started yesterday.
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they say one of them is a 16,000 acre fire in ventura county may have been caused by exploding cow manure. appare apparently, it gets hot enough, manure will spontaneously come bust. like when kids leave a bag of dog crap out on the front doorstep, only without the kids and a front doorstep. just when we thought we had it all, mud slides, floods and wildfire, exploding crap. so if you're storing crap, you may want to move it out to the pool. if you're watching abc you know this was the first night of elimination for the new season of "dancing with the stars." macy gray, ashley hamilton and tom delay had the slo watching
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him dance. >> macy and edyta, ashley and -- >> and macy gray, she tried to say good-bye, but she choked and she tried to walk away, but she stumbled and got voted out. they will be here later on. so there is a -- two dancers down, 300 to go. i realize tonight that "dancing with the stars" is like a tv version of watching your relatives embarrass themselves at a wedding, right? maybe not right. this is crazy, who watched oprah today? oh, she's gonna be furious. let's try it again. who watched oprah today? [ cheers and applause ] me too. mackenzie phillips was on oprah today. you remember her from "one day at a time". she was talking about the new book in which reveals she had a
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long-term sexual relationship with her father. her father was john phillips of mamas and papas, that's him. you think your thanksgivings are awkward. she said their affair went on for ten years and i don't know what to say to that except that i'm glad my father didn't do that. the audience didn't know how to react either. >> let's get to the secret you've been keeping from the public all these years. it's on page 108. will you read it. >> i woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father. [ applause ] >> they have got -- they have got to be more careful with that applause sign, you know? so congratulations, i guess, to
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the late john phillips who has temporarily displaced jon gosselin as the creepiest dads. the dalai lama was in memphis yesterday to receive the national civil rights freedom award. he narrowly beat out madmen for that honor and he was greeted by the mayor, who tried to teach his holiness with a way of saying hello. >> we have a tradition of using -- it's the bump. [ laughter ] they say you have a sense of humor. i always wanted to say hello, dalai. [ laughter ] >> you know, why people don't like us around the world. you know he's a man of peace just based on the fact what he didn't punch him for saying hello, dalai, for probably the 90,000th time in his life. here's a story in florida. a guy arrested and exposed for exposing himself on the i-95,
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which is ridiculous until you find out who the guy is. >> a local driver facing serious charges out of flagler county. mark dufus was naked and driving down i-95 and touching himself. >> he was -- he was charged with a duh. more disgrace for the dufus family, will they never win? i mean what if the jonas brothers were named dufus? they'd never make it, they'd be the dufus brothers and no one -- and in jonas brothers news, the oldest one, kevin, is getting married. because frankly, he wants to have some sex already. [ laughter ] and he's picked his brother's joe and nick to be the best men. being the best men means you're in charge of planning the bachelor party, but these are the jonas brothers and they're not allowed to have fun. this what they said they planned for the bachelor party. it will be good, clean fun. we'll have a good time with
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friends and family. which all of a sudden i don't buy this virgin thing for a moment because that's the same thing i say before a bachelor party. they also said the party won't be in vegas, but somewhere cooler and better and there's one establishment that's angling hard for the jonas brothers' business. >> hey, fellas, are you yearning for a wild no rules night out? planning the hottest, naughtsiest bachelor party your fantasy will allow? well, i have a place just for you. >> chuck e. cheese's. >> call me and set up your event. >> and remember -- >> what happens at chuck e., stays at chuck e. [ cheers and applause ] >> that i didn't know. by the way i want to mention what a treat tonight, george
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benson sitting in with cleto and the cletones. thank you for coming, george. [ cheers and applause ] this weekend, by the way, if you're here in hollywood this is the feast of san gennaro. this is an italian feast i helped to start here. adam carolla, tommy lasorda and i will be on hand and we have an important mission. five ore six years ago, we set the guinness world record for the largest meatball. it was only the size of a bowl ball, but no one had tried to set the record so we automatically won. unfortunately, that record was broken last month in mexico. mexico city holds the record for the world's largest meatball. [ laughter ] they had a meatball that weighed 109 pounds and obviously this is completely unacceptable. [ laughter ] mexico can't have the world record for meatball. this is america, we invented the meatball.
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i think. maybe italy invented it, but it doesn't matter. so tomorrow night we are going to break that meatball record and we are going to take that ground beef crown back from mexico. that record belongs here. [ cheers and applause ] in the fattest country in the world. unfortunately, though, this has created a bit of conflict for guillermo, our parking lot security guard. guillermo is from mexico. but he's also frozen solid it would appear. what's going on with you? are you all right? >> yes, sir. >> guillermo is weird because he's not sure who to root for here. so not only will tomorrow night be an emotional one for the whole country, but a night of self-discovery for our very own guillermo too. [ laughter ] >> he was born in mexico. [ baby cries ] >> i'm a baby. >> but he would find a new home
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in america. and with it, a new best friend. now, one man is forced to decide between new friends -- >> i need you, guillermo. america needs you. >> and old loyalties. >> i'm a mexican. >> which ball of meat will guillermo choose? >> i just don't know. >> this thursday night, kimmel versus mexico, the largest meatball. >> there can be only one. [ cheers and applause ] >> he's all right. we have a good show tonight. courteney cox is here. jessica capshaw is here. and the first two eliminees from "dancing with the stars" will be here, so stick around.
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♪ i don't want to be lonely tonight ♪ [ cheers and applause ] welcome back, everybody. we have a good show tonight. from "grey's anatomy," the new season starts tomorrow night, jessica capshaw is here. also tonight, i don't want to call them the first two losers from the new season of "dancing with the stars," but let's be honest, they are. macy gray and ashley hamilton are here. sitting in with cleto and the cletones, ten-time grammy award winning and award winning vocalist, george benson is here. a new cd, great to have you here, george. tomorrow night we'll be joined by rob lowe, lisa lampanelli and i want to officially announce
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that rod blagojevich's seat has been sold. this is the seat he sat in during his appearance on the show. we had some trouble with first winning bidder, but i'm pleased to announce a bona fide purchase has been made by sabrina comola. she bought it for her husband drake and we thank them, mostly for getting all the hair off. thank you, guys. earlier tonight, our first guests became officially a portfolio of the abc family with -- part of the abc family with "cougar town". you can join her live with garry shandling and sheryl crow for rock a little, feed a lot, a benefit concert here on september 29 here in l.a. please welcome courteney cox. [ cheers and applause ]
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well, good to see you, and congratulations on the premiere of your new show. >> thank you so much. >> i have to say, i'm confused because i'm not positive whether cougar is a complimentary or derogatory term. >> yeah. i'm not sure either. actually. >> it's one of those weird things. i don't know if i'd want to be called that if -- >> i used to think a cougars were women who had a lot of plastic surgery, trying to look young to go out with younger guys. but now that i'm a cougar, i think differently. >> it's changed? >> it's kind of making sense because i was thinking about this whole cougar thing and men, they -- their sexual peak is and their early 20's. sorry. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> women is -- >> i'm happy about that, believe me. >> it's exhausting, right? >> i'm glad to have calmed down, yeah. >> and women it's in the early 40's. it makes sense, older women going out with younger men, and we live longer too.
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i think the whole cougar thing i'm glad it's come around, it's working. >> do you think that women are generally in their sexual peak in their early 40's? i have a theory it's a ruse designed to keep men around that extra like 12 years. [ laughter ] >> can i tell you something? >> because i'm going to tell you in my personal experience, i have not found that to be the case. >> um, i think you're right. >> you think so? but i have a feeling that suddenly when 20 something-year-old guys enter the picture, the peak makes another run and hits the ceiling again. >> i think women get older, they want to become more sexual. so they're trying so hard to stay young that that's probably they're pretending. >> there you go. >> so maybe the whole theory is over. maybe forget it. >> i don't -- >> although -- >> now, i want to show something because i'm not kidding. while i was driving in to work and i saw this bus sign. and you play a real estate agent on the show. and i was looking at it and
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going, that real estate agent looks just like courteney cox. [ laughter ] i'm driving and now i'm looking behind me as i'm driving which is not good. and the reason i was confused is because it wasn't this particular homeless person sitting next to you, but there was a guy sitting there covering up the words cougar town, so i thought things had gone bad and your twin was selling real estate or something. but you play a real estate agent. >> i do. that wouldn't be a weird sign because i love real estate so much. >> i remember you told me -- you buy houses and -- >> i buy them and then i'm planning to live this for the rest of my life and i get bored. >> so you're unintentionally flipping? >> no this is actual a.d.d. >> you're just flaky with the houses. the fun part is fixing the house up and it's the worst part. >> as soon as i move in i say, please, remind me never to move again. the boxes are unpacked within a
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day and i thought, that was fun, let's do it again. >> have you ever thought about living in a hotel? >> that's not a bad idea, yeah. i like it. >> so how many houses have you had over the last five years say? >> i have had a lot. the last five year, let's say in the last 12 years probably ten. >> really? wow. are you on the run from the law or something? >> no. [ laughter ] >> tax man? >> yeah. >> there's a scene in the show that people saw and i have heard that people are asking you about this, because you -- you're very -- you expose yourself not completely, but you do things that most actors would not do. >> it was pretty brave i would say. opening scene of the show. i am in horrible lighting. let's face it if you go out at 12:00 noon, no one looks that good. that light is terrible. they happened to a scene where it was regular lighting and i
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showed everything. my elbow skin and my legs and my belly and things that -- i spent so much time trying to convince people, no, no, that really is me looking that flabby. why am i doing that? why don't i say, that wasn't me. i have to convince people that was really me. >> let's look at a clip and you can explain. here we go. ♪ >> what the hell is that? a farm animal. [ laughter ] >> that's your stomach? because that is surprisingly furry. yeah. but the rest of it was you, obviously the last scene was me. >> clearly. >> but that was really you doing that. >> that was really me. >> when you're on a crew with a
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bunch of guys that can't be a comfortable thing. >> it can be awkward because the show, we have the entire "scrubs" crew because our creator bill lawrence created "scrubs" and so i don't know these guys. i just did the scene recently -- >> the guys know each other? >> they have been together for nine years, and i had to do a scene in a bubble bath where i'm -- i'm there, have little, you know, what do they call, nipple -- petals do they call them? >> what do they call them? >> as if this audience does them all the time. little pasties kind of thing, they didn't have tassels or anything. i'm sitting in the lukewarm pond water, it was so horrible, in the tub. the bubbles were dissipating. i didn't know these guys that well. so i said to the director, hey, we're going to need some more bubbles in here, and he said, no, it looks great from our angle. i don't need all my private parts to go out this way. so i chose the perfect person to wrangle my bubbles would be the
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gay set decorator. >> yes. right. okay. >> great guy, geo. geo, bring in some bubbles, dude, i'm exposed here and he said, i can't get my hands wet, a long story. he said, well, i don't want to touch her. like that. [ laughter ] he was just not comfortable with the female body. >> really? >> well, you know, gay. >> uh-huh. >> so i should have chosen the prop guy who's the italian stallion, he probably would have wrangled -- >> he'd probably still be in the tub. >> it was pretty embarrassing. there were some awkward moments. >> how is your husband -- david arquette is your husband, how's he doing? he's a lot of fun. he made a new year's resolution though. how is the new year's resolution, he mentioned it on the show. >> about growing up? >> yeah, growing up and taking responsibility and changing his ways. >> well, jimmy, he did a good job for about three months. i will say i have never seen someone grow up, he was a stand-up -- i mean, he's always got a big heart, but i'm talking about in the relationship.
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just stand-up. then it was like, benjamin button. i don't know what happened. >> really? >> it went backwards. three months later, dude, what happened? and now he's just -- >> do you think it had anything to to with the lakers winning? because -- >> what the hell happened when the lakers won? he went crazy. >> he really did go crazy. i saw him at the lakers party, and he was literally bouncing around the room. >> like, david, you're not a laker, stop. he was on the -- he was on the float. wasn't he on the float? >> he was on the victory float, yeah. >> that guy really likes the celebrations. i mean -- >> well, he loves the lakers, i guess. you don't want to ruin that for him. you don't want to take that out of him. >> are you kidding? i have no control over that guy. if i did, it would be a whole different ball game. >> i don't know. you made a move like ten times -- >> that's the worst thing i could do to him. >> it sounds like you've got a good amount of control there.
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>> if you call that control. >> we have a show from the show. from next week's episode, true? >> yeah. this is a great show, it's fun. i think the clip we're going to show is me trying -- it's actually with my first little field mouse that i have captured as a cougar. >> yes. >> and we're in bed. >> here we go. >> it's not all sexual, it's about a 17-year-old son i have -- >> but let's focus on the sexual. "cougar town", take a look. >> i know it's frustrating, but we have only four days left. when we get there, it is going to be amazing. >> maybe we could even -- no, never mind. >> what? >> just this crazy position i read about. but you're way too classy for it. and besides, it's more of a young chick thing. >> tell me more. >> well, you just take one of your legs and just put it over my -- >> like this? oh! >> you have to be careful. you really do. courteney cox, everybody.
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and to me. ♪ that is george benson. you're not seeing things. he is here with us tonight. thank you, george. also here, macy gray and ashley hamilton, freshly eliminated from "dancing with the stars." you know our next guest from the movie "minority report" and from "the practice" and from "the l word". tomorrow, she returns to "grey's anatomy" as arizona robbins. please welcome jessica capshaw. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jessica those are some shoes you have on there. it must be hard to work in those. >> you know, they help the ladies out with little lifts at the bottom now so the height differential isn't punitive. >> i see. >> doesn't punish you. >> women should wear helmets when walking in those shoes because you could actually injure your brain. you have to be careful. how is everything? >> good. >> congratulations on becoming an official cast member of "grey's anatomy." >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> there was like a -- you almost went through a hazing period. >> i did, i did. and finally, so that i didn't think it was all in my imagination, one of the producers admitted about two days ago, they were torturing me. >> why would they torture you? >> you know, i think that they sort of, you know, it's -- one of this or the other, they have an idea of what's going to happen but i think they don't know anything and they like to see how the characters gel, how
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they don't. >> don't they realize you're a human being and that that's to be taken into account when writing the scripts? >> yeah, i like to show them pictures of my 2-year-old son, like, really? >> you should show them pictures of your stepfather steven spielberg who could destroy them. >> they're not afraid. >> they should be afraid. >> they're not afraid. >> you know what it is, he hasn't created an act of violence on the shows since. if he could do that for you. >> it would be so nice of you. >> steven spielberg is your stepdad and kate capshaw is your mom, as you know. >> i do know. >> nothing against my parents but that makes me very jealous. i would trade steven spielberg for my father any day of the week. i really would. my dad is here tonight, so i say that right to his face. [ laughter ] i mean, because you could get e.t. to come to your birthday,
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right? >> um -- e.t. isn't real. >> what? don't -- you're going to make me start crying here. >> right. i could. i could have e.t. come to my birthday party. >> you could have come -- you could, really? >> i could. >> you could have a trail of reese's pieces and he would be right there. [ laughter ] did they force you to get into acting when your parents -- >> yes, for sure. no. no. >> you better get out there. >> no, i was actually very -- scarily very precocious, i really wanted to, and then i thought that's just so predictable and i'm not going to be that -- come timely to that decision. >> it must be hard to do that. >> yeah. and i remember the first time i ever auditioned for something which was in high school, i went to the drama coach who was the director of the play and i sort of before my audition went, hey, can i talk to you for a second. you're here to audition, why do you need to talk to me? um, listen, you're not doing me
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any favors by casting me if i stink because it will be a world of pain for me. if i'm bad, make sure you don't cast me. by the way, i wanted to make sure he wasn't going to cast me. >> he did cast you. >> yes, he did cast me, but i have not done that since. >> not a bad policy. >> not to hire me. >> wait a minute you did get the part -- so that's maybe a good thing. you come in to somebody and shut the door, do not put me in under any circumstances. they probably rarely get that. >> i could try it. i could try it next time around. >> now, you play what i'm told 3 d i find this hard to believe
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>> i do. the show? >> um, does she play the only other lesbian on the show? i believe that callie is a bisexual. >> oh. >> getting married on the show. >> a technicality. yes, interesting. i see. okay. >> yeah. >> i gotcha. they don't count like -- like ellen joining "american idol" doesn't count? that doesn't knock you off as the only? >> but -- no, because she's her. she's not playing -- >> aha. okay. like e.t. -- >> real an not real right. >> do people think you're lesbian, because you're not lesbian, right? >> i am not. i have -- i have had moments where not -- not where you're going. >> let's go through those moments in detail. [ laughter ] you walk in the room -- >> right. no. i have had moments since playing a lesbian on the show where i have had -- i had a very nice
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woman come up to me and say how much she loved the show and how great it was and everything else and then she was on her way out. can i ask you -- are you -- are you -- are you a lesbian? because i have a beautiful daughter and she's a lesbian too. and i was really -- i just think that you guys would be very cute together. and i think that you should meet. and then all of a sudden you're sort of going, well -- and then, yeah, where's the line between real and not real? >> you should go out on a date -- >> do i have to go out with a date with her? i don't think my husband would like it very much. >> yes, your husband would like it. [ cheers and applause ] well, the big season premiere of "grey's anatomy" is tomorrow night here on abc. 9:00, don't miss it. jessica capshaw. we'll be right back with macy gray and ashley hamilton from "dancing with the stars." ♪
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of maybe the tannest man in the whole world. they have one thing in common -- they're the first casualty of the ninth season of "dancing with the stars." please well am along with -- welcome along with their dance partners, jonathan and edyta, ashley hamilton and macy gray. [ cheers and applause ] we seem to be missing macy gray, what happened to macy? >> the honest truth is macy was torn up about being eliminated, we spent a month touring europe, she sang every single night and she's exhausted an put her whole heart into the show and she feels like she let her fans down and she's emotional about it. >> she didn't let her fans down. what does she care about it? she has a grammy. >> true. she wanted that mirror ball.
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what's a grammy compared to the mirror ball. >> i'm sorry that she's upset about it. but are you upset, ashley? >> no, i had a blast. i gotten to show, it was phenomenal. when they called me and said, you've got "dancing with the stars." i said, what star am i dancing with? >> really? >> like my partner is more famous than me. so -- >> thanks. >> definitely prettier. >> well, that's true. >> edyta, are you disappointed in ashley? >> no i'm not disappointed in ashley, but i'm disappointed in the result. no one likes to be off first. >> do you feel like he failed you? >> ashley, you failed me. >> edyta -- >> no, no. >> you got eliminated first with jeff ross. >> i have bad lucks with the comedians. >> you'd think with a name like ashley i'd be able to dance. >> you know, what, i have to tell you, i didn't think you and macy were the worst. tom delay was the worst dancer, right? >> thank you. >> you know -- we need an investigation. >> i think that's the best thing
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that the republican party has done is put tom delay on "dancing with the stars." >> you think so? i think it's disastrous for them, because he looks funny dancing. i think he'll be here next week. who do you think should have been eliminated this week? >> not us. >> when we were standing in the line with the final acts, the fact that the three of us are in a line and we're not in jail, it's phenomenal. >> you know what, i like that. now, it's an interesting thing, your dad was on "dancing with the stars," and he did very well on the show. >> he did. >> and edyta, you danced with ashley's dad. >> and it was a great experience, but there's a huge difference. george was old hollywood and he was teaching me how to dance the tango and the quick step, because i have been to argentina and i have done the fox trot with ginger rodgers.
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so ashley had never danced before. he doesn't even know -- >> wait a minute, you never danced with ginger rodgers, ashley? >> no. >> that shocks me. >> shirley temple. >> did your dad give you advice going into the competition? >> yeah. because i saw him and edyta do the whole thing. then he was having a hard time, his ribs and knee were broken. i called him up and i think he forgot how hard it was. i saider, what should i do? it's easy, drink a red bull and smile. >> i think your day has a laissez-faire attitude about life in general. >> yeah. she said, you have to move your hips more like your father. oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] >> well, that's -- that is a little bit unsettling. as if he'd know how his dad moves his hips. we're not talking to mackenzie phillips here.
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so jonathan, how does it work? you have to go console macy? >> yes. and on the street correspondent tour and the late night dancing. >> tell me the -- not a big deal, is she -- she went on, she had a little bit of fun, and somebody -- you know, what? almost everyone gets eliminated on the s how. >> it's an elimination show. >> everyone but one person gets eliminated. >> they should explain it before you go on. >> and the person who is going to win, am i right or wrong, donny osmond? >> he's hot. >> marie didn't do so good when you danced with her. >> well, we made the final. >> didn't you break your hip or something like that? she got physically injure. >> no, she fainted. >> don't do anything to donny. ashley, unfortunately this is the time of the show where we
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embark upon a tradition, and guillermo right now is outside. let's go for the ceremonial burning of the capezios. ashley, tonight you were eliminated from "dancing with the stars" and your shoes must pay the price. and i think macy's shoes are in there too. america has spoken. ashley hamilton, your dance card has been punched. thank you guys very much. ashley hamilton, edyta and jonathan. "dancing with the stars" monday and tuesday night. we'll be right back.
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