and finally tonight, another frightening security scare and a lesson about what you can and cannot do and say in the skies. united flight 663 from

washington, d.c. landed safely in denver tonight after a mid flight disturbance. it involved a diplomat from qatar who was asked by air marshals on board about smoke coming from the bathroom. he allegedly made a sarcastic comment about, quote, lighting his shoe on fire, and was tackled and taken into custody. this, of course, follows the underwear bomb attempt on christmas day and richard reed's shoe bomb attempt in 2001. there will be more tomorrow, of course, on "good morning america." that is our report for tonight. from all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with an important message from san manuel indian bingo and casino, where you have a chance right now to win $100,000 in their lucky seven bingo contest. all this month, pre-selected bingo numbers are showing up around southern california in all sorts of places. matter of fact, our security guard guillermo is on the roof

looking for a number right there. hello, guillermo. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: guillermo, do you see a binglobal with a number on it anywhere there? >> no, i don't see a beginglobal with a number on it. >> jimmy: do you have your bingo card? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. and you know you have to form a number seven across the top and then die yag nolly, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: and when you do, you can go to san manuel to enter the $100,000 "winner take all" drawing on may 7th. >> yes, but i cannot find the number. >> jimmy: i'm going to give you a hint. it rhymes with "spoon." >> fork! >> jimmy: no, it rhymes with "spoon." >> oh. soup? >> jimmy: no, not soup. guillermo, look to your left and upwards. >> oh, i found it! n-35! >> jimmy: it's a christmas miracle. how about that? >> dicky: play san manuel's

lucky seven bingo contest. to get daily clues, go to @sanmanuelcasino on twitter. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live!" is back in two minutes with luke wilson, aaron johnson and music from p.i.l.

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live" ♪ and now, for what it's worth, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. thank you all for coming. pleasure to have us in your home. i'd like to give everyone -- oh, thank you, thank you. why didn't i get that in high school? hey, i want to mention something, because this is a crazy thing. one of the most common things you'll see on a talk show or a morning news show is animals. they love having animals on to climb on the host's head or maybe urinate on something. al roker, the real reason he lost all the weight, he swallowed a badger and it ate his fat from the inside out. so, for some reason this

morning, i don't know why, they had animals on almost every show. "today," "early show." local morning shows. and every one of these clips happened this morning. >> speaking of very -- we have to move along. we're going to skip over the next one, we're going to go -- whoa! >> don't bite. oh! >> you okay, walt? >> you can't eat the microphone. >> he's got -- wait, wait, wait. >> this is "today" on nbc. >> not a second time. no. oh! oh, my god. whoa. are you all right there? >> jimmy: well, what's going on? [ applause ] all of a sudden -- all of a sudden it's like jumanji. i think the animals don't want to be on television anymore and they're fighting back. by the way, that's not the only instance of unusual animal behavior. in tampa, florida -- this will

be perfect for you. there is an unstoppable monkey on the loose. >> perched up in a pine tree is a rogue monkey in the tampa bay area with no intension of getting caught. more than a dozen police officers, wild life officers and trappers chasing the monkey. >> i've personally shot drugs in this animal a good dozen times and for whatever reason, it doesn't seem to affect him. >> i don't know. it's crazy! i don't know. >> jimmy: i think -- he might have been shot with one of the darts. i like to see every news story end with that guy. but the unstoppable monkey is no joke. in fact, at least one news station in tampa is providing regular updates as, i guess, as a service to their viewers. >> now it's time for your update on monkey watch '10, the illusive monkey of tampa bay was

spotted in southeastern st. petersburg yesterday. >> this is a picture courtesy of renee. he sa she said she thought it was a stray dog. >> jimmy: that may be the greatest thing i've ever seen. we need a monkey watch in l.a. anyone that's read "curious george" knows you cannot bag a monkey unless you wear a yellow hat. no one wants to see the monkey get hurt. so, it would be best if he turned himself in. if the unstoppable monkey is watching this show right now, i would like you to pay attention to this message, and do the right thing. give up now before something bad happens. >> please. unstoppable monkey -- turn yourself in.

you're tearing your family apart. they need you. we need you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know it's serious when james bond gets involved. we will keep an eye on this situation as it develops. you know, it's wednesday night, that means it's elimination night on "american idol." at this point, they're mercy killings more than they are eliminations. surprisingly, the viewers gave big mike lynch the boot. he seemed to be -- gasps. and, by the way, when mike found out he had been voted out he was none too pleased. you can see here, ryan seacrest attempting to comfort him but -- big mike just -- [ laughter ] fortunately for big mike, and i don't know if they would have done this for any of the other bottom tier contestants but the judges saved him. they have one save, and they used it on him. he threatened to sit on them if

they didn't. they got a visit tonight from david arculeta. he's the kindergartner who was the runner up in season seven. we have not seen david for awhile. and i have to say, he's grown up a lot. >> david arculeta. ♪ this is the moment ♪ this is the day ♪ when i send all my doubts and demons on their way ♪ >> jimmy: don't arch the leta is the message there. very popular in germany. last night was beatles night on "american idol." it was wacky backup musician night, too. crystal bowersocks was accompanied by a digeredoo player. and then lee was singing "hey jude" and he had a bag piper come in and play along behind

him. and then shioban, she had a guy playing the slide whistle. listen to this. ♪ >> that guy was funny, dude. i love that, man. >> jimmy: there you go. randy liked it. so i guess that's something. this is very strange. this is from -- this is from the filipino version of "america's got talent." they have a show. we got this from the worldwide website. the singer's name is reggie ramirez, and here he is doing both halves of the classic call

d duet "endless love." ♪ oh my love ♪ love for you ♪ yes you are mine ♪ my ♪ end ♪less ♪ love >> jimmy: that's got to be tough to shave. right? and only batman can stop it! sandra bullock put out a statement today. her first statement on this whole thing. officially denying the existence of a sex tape of her and jesse james. there were a lot of rumors on the internet that there was a sex tape. she said, quote, there is no sex tape, there never has been one and there never will be one. i think the never will be one goes without saying at this point, probably. meanwhile, jesse james is rumors to be apart of a spin off of my

favorite show, "lost." >> this week, sparks fly, item persons flare and a new team leader takes over. on the next "smoke monster garage." >> ahh! >> jimmy: he's with hitler now, it's okay. [ applause ] tomorrow afternoon, tiger woods plays his first golf tournament in five months and his first golf tournament in six years without lipstick on his lucky underwear. the masters starts tomorrow. i'm not even going to try to sleep tonight. i'm going to stay up all night playing wii golf and laying out goldfish in the shape of the masters' course. tiger tees off with k.j. choi and matt kuchar. a very boring threesome in tiger's world, i have to say. this is pretty ballsy.

nike didn't drop tiger after he had sex with everyone, and not only did that stick with him, they have a new commercial premiering during the masters tomorrow featuring the voice of tiger's late father earl. i don't know where they got his voice, but i swear this is not a joke. this is a real commercial, and it was leaked a few hours ago. >> tiger, i am more prone to be inquisitive. to promote discussion. i want to find out what you'r thinking was. i want to find out what your feelings are. and did you learn anything? >> jimmy: well, that will make you want to buy shoes, won't it? what the hell? i don't know -- i really don't know what to make of that.

[ applause ] i guess -- guillermo, what do you make of that? do you make anything of that? >> no, nothing. >> jimmy: nothing at all? >> not even a dime. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't mean "are you getting paid for that." >> oh, i thought -- >> jimmy: i'm sorry, i meant to say, what do you think of that? >> oh, it was great. >> jimmy: oh, okay. [ laughter ] >> i couldn't hear you. >> jimmy: do you normally -- never mind. anyway, i guess you have to admire that. there's another commercial premiering tomorrow, another tiger woods commercial, this one featuring the voice of his mother. >> tiger -- what the hell were you thinking? you stupid, stumpid boy. always using your penis instead of your brain. didn't i always tell you not to

sleep with sluts? you're a dumbass. [ applause ] . >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. from the movie "kick ass," aaron johnson is here to kick ass. we have music from the legendary band p.i.l., john lydon's band. and when we come back, luke wilson. so stick around, we'll be right back. how should the toilet paper roll? it's the question thathas divided our nation. [ crowd ] over! over! america has spoken, and we at cottonelle have listened... with cottonelle roll over! it's a technological breakthrough that always rolls... well...over. and now it's softer. mmmmmmmmm. and stronger, too!

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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back. with us tonight, he's -- he's got a new super hero movie, it's called "kick-ass," aaron johnson is here. then later, an almost-mythical band except for the part where they exist. on tour and on television for the first time in 18 years. you can see them on april 13th at club nokia in los angeles and then at coachella later this month.

john lydon's band p.i.l., from the bud light golden wheat outdoor stage. tomorrow night, martin lawrence, "science bob" pflugfelder, and music from jonathan tyler and the northern lights. yes. what happened to guillermo? he's gone? did guillermo -- did he get deported or something? is he gone? oh. let's just see where he usually stands. it's like he disappeared. all right, well, we'll move on. you know our first guest from "bottle rocket," "old school," "the royal tennenbaums," and other delightful films. starting friday, you can see him at his very whitest alongside chris rock, martin lawrence and tracy morgan in the new comedy "death at a funeral." please welcome luke wilson. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: what's happening? >> thank you. how is it going? good to see you. js >> jimmy: i'm doing all right. you have the same look on my face i feel like when i walk out on a talk show. it's weird to have somebody yell your name and -- >> it goes from quiet to chaotic. >> jimmy: it's embarrassing. >> i'd like to do it a little cooler but i'm afraid i -- >> jimmy: have you ever tried to moonwalk? >> or maybe just drink. some kind of -- >> jimmy: push a bar cart out here. >> jimmy: how's everything going? >> everything is going well. just kind of hanging around, working here and there, doing press. watched the show last night. it was great. buzz aldrin. >> jimmy: buzz was here, yeah. he was an astronaut at one time. >> yeah, american hero. i was cactually at a party abou a month ago and got introduced to him and talked to him for

about 20 minutes, really -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> incredibly interesting, and after i'd spoken with hill, my friend was like, that was buzz aldrin that's incredible. i was like, yeah. he said, what was buzz saying? i said, he was talking about going to mars. and my friend said, "tonight?" my friend was ready -- >> jimmy: you got some friends there. >> my friend was ready to head to l.a. x. where do we meet up with buzz? 405 and sunset and then -- >> jimmy: sounds like your friend may have had a little buzz going himself. >> he did have a buzz. very ironic. >> jimmy: how was your easter? did you do anything? >> um -- i just kind of took it easy. i really didn't do much. i think maybe when you don't have a family yourself besides, you know, your parents -- i have brothers, but -- i had a couple of friends over and i did call a friend who is married and with a

baby i said, hey, we're just hanging around, if you want to hang out. he's like -- it's easter, luke. you know, as if i'd insulted him and i said -- i didn't know that you didn't hang around with people that don't have families on easter. i didn't -- i don't remember that part from the bible where you exclude people -- >> jimmy: it's in the back of the bible. >> yeah, this guy's nickname is pork chop, so, he knows who he is. he's a family man. >> jimmy: you can probably get in trouble with your wife if you leave to go out with your buddies on easter sunday. >> everybody was invited. >> jimmy: the whole family? >> yeah, always. >> jimmy: what would you have presented to them when they got there? >> that's probably the problem. that's the thing. i would have gotten organized and gotten cold cuts and eggs for the kids. >> jimmy: at midnight the eggs are not so ripe anymore and it no good. >> not hard boiled. >> jimmy: you didn't go --

you're from texas, of course -- he knows. >> thank you, though. >> jimmy: but you didn't go back and visit with the family? do you guys gather on the holidays and that sort of thing? >> yeah, yeah, we try to. me and both my brothers live out here and my folks still live there, but we get together so often that, you know -- >> jimmy: are you as close now as you were when you were kids? yeah, definitely. i mean, we were always very close, i mean, there's just three years between each of us, though my oldest brother andrew says he thought i was just a neighborhood kid who did chores around the house. he said he didn't actually know i was his brother until the mid '80s, thought i was this kid that was kind of around doing stuff. but yeah, we're close. >> jimmy: you know, i ask this question -- actually, didn't ask it. but people talk about how their moms woke them up in the morning at dinner the other night and my mother was -- it was very violent awakening involving a lot of yelling and some people's

parents will sing a song, that you grow to hate from thinking about -- how did your mother wake you up? >> you know -- i kind of -- i kind of just remember really the high school years, it was always, i think i'd get one kind of jugentle wake up, like, get old boy, come on. one of those, which i'd always kind of sleep through and then one just right after that maybe ten minutes later probably when she went to make breakfast, like an explosion. it went from being very sweet and kind of idyllic to just, you know, her yelling at me. >> jimmy: like, a lot of relationships with women, yeah. >> you know, when you're growing up, it's like, you're growing physically, so, i think it's tough to get out of bed. at least that's what -- >> jimmy: yeah, it's -- i used to have -- >> my parents weren't big on heat and it gets cold in texas tk, which people don't know. so, you know, you wouldn't want

to make that -- >> jimmy: you get in that -- >> the journey from the bed to the bathroom. >> jimmy: did you get breakfast every morning? >> these are interesting questions. am i the first guy to -- am i supposed to get teared up at one point during this? i can do it. >> jimmy: i got to tell you -- i'm interested in this sort of thing. >> um -- funny you should bring that up. no, ah -- yeah, she, you know -- >> jimmy: i make breakfast for the kids when they are at my house every morning. sometimes it's not so good. >> you're like joe pesci in "casino." >> times it's a red cocktail cup full of oatmeal and pour hot water in there and they eat wit a spoon. would your mom make a whole thing for you? >> eggs, cereal. i kind of more remember my dad, he wouldn't eat breakfast but i'd be sitting there at the table and he would always kind

of leave the house in a funny way. he's in the advertising business, really love what he did. some days he would walk out going "kick butt, kick butt." and i would watch him going out the door, but now i think, the guy was so pumped up to like, to go, you know, do business, and, like, he did it like no one else was around and -- but you know, not in an aggressive way. very kind of good natured. >> jimmy: he didn't show up and start beating coworkers? >> he is a good natured guy. but he would pump himself up for the day. >> jimmy: well, i don't know your oldest brother, but you and owen don't seem like you have that thing going out the door in the morning. >> yeah, but sometimes i do remember that and think i'd like to kind of try and implement that. i think a good night's sleep is key to that. i remember i did this movie "blue streak" with martin lawrence a few years ago and he

would show up with his right-hand man sean, this great guy, and sometimes those guys, like, look a little tired and i was always real chipper and i'd be like, hey, martin, sean, morning and martin would be like, time to make the donuts. and -- >> jimmy: that's his kick butt, i guess. >> that was his kind of gearing up for the day. >> reporter: this is your second movie with martin, and -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you have quite a cast. chris rock, martin lawrence and tracy morgan, who is verifiably insane. true? >> he's a crazy guy. great guy. >> jimmy: great guy. >> one of the funniest guys i've ever met. >> jimmy: was he -- is he professional on a set? >> yeah, totally. he gets the job done, but i mean, it's like -- really, like, you know, when you're doing a movie, like, you're around each other for hours on end and he and i were playing best friends so we'd be sitting next to each other in a car all day, having these kind of wild conversations

and then he would go right into a scene and i'd be thinking about, like, what he had just just told me and one time he'd said to the -- in a way, i guess it helped relax me. not that i need that. but he said to the director, neil, do you mind if i try something when we start the scene. the director said, sure. and i've worked with funny people before, you never want to ruin a scene by laughing or, you know, ruin a take and so i was like, okay, this could be something kind of different and tracy, they say action, and tracy says, you know, colonel sanders stole that recipe from a slave. i'll give him the cole slaw recipe, and that's it. i literally turned and looked right into the camera. >> jimmy: did that make it into the film? >> i just started apologizing. i said -- you mind if we do it again, and -- you know with the line. no, and i needed the line. i just had to brace himself and

squeeze my hand and stare at him. >> jimmy: we have a clip from the film, and it probably need as little bit of setup from you. >> yeah, this is -- >> jimmy: kick butt with this, too. >> yeah. this is me and zoe, she and i had gone out and she dumped me but i'm still in love with her, still holding a torch and she's kind of finished with me. >> jimmy: "death at a funeral" opens on friday. >> the only reason you won't go out with me is because your dad -- >> no! can you -- some help here. >> your skin is still supple. >> can you stop that? >> okay. >> the real reason is because it was a mistake before. we had a couple intense months, but then i realized -- >> not fair. not true. we had a lot of fun. we -- i bought you a watch, right? >> here. take it. what about your first night

together after norman's party? that was amazing. transcendent. >> so drunk. you could have been a don key, for all i knew. >> thank you. >> compliment! >> jimmy: there you go. that's luke wilson. it's called "death at a funeral." and i think it's going to be a big hit, right? >> yeah, i'm excited. i'm looking forward to it. i -- quite honestly, i needed a hit, i mean, i was one bad movie away from "csi el paso." not that there's anything wrong with that. i could do that. nitrate, jimmy. i think we have a fire bug on our hands. i don't know. >> jimmy: i think you got the job. >> yeah. >> jimmy: there you go. luke wilson. "death at a funeral" opens in theaters next friday. we'll be right back with aaron johnson. there are engines... and then there's the twin-turbocharging,

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>> jimmy: hello there, we're back. luke wilson is with us. still to come, p.i.l. our next guest is a

talented young actor from england. on april 16th, you can see him wearing a homemade superhero costume in the highly-anticipated film adaptation of the comic "kick-ass." >> hey, i'm kick-ass. i'm kick-ass. ahh! oh, god, ow! >> get out of my house. >> i'm not going to hurt you, all right? >> oh, no, it's me, it's me, all right? i was only trying to surprise you. >> why are you dressed as kick-ass? >> because i am. >> what are you talking about? >> i'm also not gay. >> jimmy: "kick-ass" opens this weekend. please say hello to aaron johnson. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: how are you? >> yeah, good. >> jimmy: good to have you here. the movie is very funny. i couldn't believe when i heard you're from england because you don't seem like you're from england in the movie. i guess that's how it goes, huh? >> i guess that's how it goes, yeah, playing an american. >> jimmy: you're really not from america, are you? i can -- how do you learn to do that? i know -- i don't know why -- i know it's the dumbest thing in the world, but you hear americans do english accents all the time, but when a british actor turns around and does an american accent, i'm so impressed by it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. did you -- did you study this? have you always been able to do it? >> well, you know, one thing i really enjoy about acting is, you know, messing around with accents and stuff, so, yeah. i was out here sort of, you know, for a little while living out here and i started picking

it up. >> jimmy: you did. how are we to know this is not a fake accent you're doing right now? there's really no way to prove it. >> there isn't. >> jimmy: is there a word or an area that is hard to learn? >> as an acceccenaccent? >> jimmy: well, in america -- >> i -- >> jimmy: welcome. that's where we are now. >> i don't know. i love to play around with, like, southern, or, you know, boston accents. i haven't been able to explore that yet. >> jimmy: you have been to the south? >> yeah, well, yeah, texas and -- >> jimmy: well, texas is kind of not the south -- >> i mean, south from here. >> jimmy: luke is from texas. can do you it? luke will evaluate it. >> jimmy: he's doing one. >> that reminds me of a time

when a guy said, can you do it without the accent, and that was -- >> no, i wouldn't be able to -- if i did that i would be just -- southern fried chicken, start of -- >> chicken fried steak. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm not going to try it, though, it would be embarrassing. >> we'll do it after. >> jimmy: we'll get together. maybe you can translate when we talk to p.i.l. a little bit later. that would be -- >> yeah, definitely do that. >> jimmy: now, you -- one of your co-stars is christopher, who was "mclovin" in "super bad." that was a big thing for him. is it a big thing in england? do people know him there? >> yeah, when we were filming, we shot half in london and we go out and night and stuff and, you know, i mean, for me, you know, without the glasses on, you know, he's got a cap on or something -- >> jimmy: can you tell us this

story in an american accent because i can't understand a word you're saying. >> i'm really trying to speak clearly. >> jimmy: i'm trying to read your lips. >> i really am. yeah, people recognize him over there. >> jimmy: okay, all right. yeah. so you play a kid who desides to be a super hero despite the fact he has no powers and no real weapons or anything. >> pretty useless. >> jimmy: just decides he wants to fight some crime. >> yeah, i mean, you know, he's really into comic books and he goes down that route. he wants to journey and goes off with his imagination. doesn't really think about the consequences and gets -- like i say, he's going to get -- try to watch my language. he gets his [ bleep ] ass beat. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: you really tried there, huh? >> i swear to god. >> jimmy: let's see.

was that the -- was that the less dirty word you chose? because i'm kind of wondering what the other was. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: that's all right. that's why we have bleeps. but it's very cleverly done. there's a little girl in the movie with you who, speaking of profanity, just a slew of profanity. how old is she? >> she's 13. 11 when we started. >> jimmy: that must have been crazy to hear her say the things she says -- >> uh -- >> jimmy: just go along with me on this one. >> yeah. sorry, yeah. but not for me, but yeah, i guess so. >> jimmy: you're used to 11-year-olds really cursing like that? i always think of the english as more proper than us. >> i mean, you got johnny rotten on. >> jimmy: except for him. >> i guess we're not really painting a great portrait of britain. >> jimmy: that's okay, though, you don't -- you're not, you know, you're not -- this is not

the benny hill show. do you know benny hill? >> yeah. >> jimmy: tell him i said hi. the movie is called "kick-ass," opens april 16th. aaron johnson, everybody. we'll be right back with p. lipd. finally, what i love is what my skin needs.

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[ male announcer ] applebee's new nder 550 calories menu. it's all the tastes " and none of the trade-offs. that's under 550 calories? [ male announcer ] and it's another reason why there's no place like the neighborhood. now open until midnight or later. i have asthma. and that's what it sounded like when my symptoms came back. i'd get this tightness in my chest. like i was breathing through a straw. so i went back to my doctor again. we talked about choices in controller medicines. we chose symbicort to help control my asthma. [ man ] while it's not a rescue inhaler, symbicort improves my lung function, starting within 15 minutes. it helps give me the control to... [ inhales, exhales ] symbicort is a combination of two medicines. it will not replace a rescue inhaler for sudden symptoms and should not be taken more than twice a day. symbicort contains formoterol. medicines like formoterol may increase the chance of asthma-related death, so it is not for people whose asthma is well controlled on other asthma medicines.

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>> jimmy: >> jimmy: this is one for the record books. they kick off their tour of the

united states of april 13th at club knnokia here in los angele and they'll be at coachella the weekend after this. here with the song "rise," p.i.l. ♪ ♪ i could be wrong i could be right i could be wrong i could be wrong ♪ ♪ i could be right i could be black i could be white i could be right ♪ ♪ i could be wrong i could be white i could be black ♪ ♪ your time has come your second skin you climb so high the gain so low ♪ ♪ walk through the valley the written word is a lie

may the road rise with you may the road rise with you ♪ ♪ may the road rise with you may the road rise with you ♪ ♪ i could be wrong i could be right i could be wrong i could be right ♪ ♪ i could be wrong i could be right i could be black i could be white ♪ ♪ i could be right i could be wrong i could be white ♪ ♪ i could be black ♪ they put a hotwire to my head because of the things i did and said ♪ ♪ they made these feelings go away

but those feelings get in every way ♪ ♪ may the road rise with you may the road rise with you may the road rise with you may the road rise with you ♪ ♪ now rise ♪ anger is an energy anger is an energy anger is an energy anger is an energy ♪ ♪ ♪ i could be wrong

i could be right i could be wrong ♪ your time has come your second skin you climb so high and gain so low ♪ ♪ walk through the valley the written word is a lie may the road rise with you may the road rise with you ♪ ♪ may the road rise with you may the road rise with you ♪ ♪ ♪ anger is an energy anger is an energy anger is an energy anger is an energy ♪

>> jimmy: i want to thank luke wilson, thank aaron johnson. apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. hey, later, i know a lot of people want to hear john lydon