tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 29, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT
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"nightline" in havana. >> a fascinating report from a fascinating place. thanks for watching abc news. we hope you will watch "good morning america." good night, america. stay tuned for jimmy, next. >> dicky: up next on "jimmy kimmel live." >> eight out of the ten cities that value sex the most are in california. so thank you, governor schwarzenegg schwarzenegger. >> dicky: also, adam corolla. >> i will go to mexico. anything. >> dicky: and from the oklahoma city thunder, kevin durant. >> jimmy: if i won the lottery,
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encouraging you to "play the escape to total reward" game for millions of cool v.i.p. experiences and prizes. speaking of games, guillermo, here's a little quiz. would you like to play. which of these exclusive trips sounds best to you? harrah's resort in atlantic city, where you can eat at luke palladino's and take viking cooking school classes? >> i'll go on that one. >> jimmy: let me finish. next choice, a scenic getaway to harrah's or harveys lake tahoe? >> ok, i'll go to that. >> jimmy: next one, harrah's new orleans for dinner at the new manning's restaurant. >> yes, i will go to new orleans. >> jimmy: or, stay the night at the paris in vegas to see the show "jersey boys" and eat at the new restaurant gordon ramsay steak.
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>> i was just there! >> jimmy: you were? >> yes, i were, look. oh, yeah, another beautiful day for a total rework. you can believe i'm earning points right now? this total reward card is totally great. >> hey! >> it's okay. total rewards. total rewards, i can do whatever i want. golf and skiing too. >> sir, you can't do that. >> no, it's okay. total rewards. total rewards! >> jimmy: well, it looked like you had a lot of fun. i asked about those vacations for a very good reason because every member of our studio audience tonight gets to escape to a total rewards resort. >> wow!
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[ applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo! get your total rewards. >> dicky: get your total rewards card today, and sign up for "escape to total rewards" giveaway at totalrewards.com/escape. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with kevin durant, music from white rabbits and adam carolla. people really love snapshot from progressive, but don't just listen to me. listen to these happy progressive customers.
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♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] nothing will keep you from magnum. ♪ silky vanilla bean ice cream and rich caramel sauce all covered in thick belgian chocolate. magnum ice cream. for pleasure seekers. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- author adam carolla. kevin durant. and music from white rabbits. with cleto and the cletones. and now, once more, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. very nice. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming and thank you for everything, really. all right, let's -- let's cut the crap. i know what you want. you know what i want. let's make it happen. i want everyone to get a good look at me tonight. really drink me in. after friday when i win the mega millions jackpot, you're not going to see this face again. i will be retiring to one of oprah's islands and i will spend my days drinking not the drinking with little umbrellas in them. my drinks will have full umbrellas in them. no one picked the numbers for tuesday. and the jock pot rolls over.
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the jackpot is an all time high $500 million. think how many lottery tickets you can buy with that. the truth is, that sounds like a lot but that is before taxes and jet ski purchases and the failed investment in a chain of cat fish restaurants me when it get billion. i would straight to a 99 cent store and blow their mind. i would take everything. buy the employees. you know, not every state participates in the mega millions, six states don't. this is what they have in wyoming right now. >> hello and welcome to the mega bucks jackpot for tonight, march 28th, 2010.
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i'm hannah burke and i wish you the best of luck. and here we go, tonight's winning number is 6. again, that number is 6. i hope we have a winner. the jackpot has reached an all-time high of $7.39. good luck, everybody. and now, here is megan and her vette. >> jimmy: that must be the weather guy. i want to wish a happy birthday to lady gaga. do you know how old she is. >> 26! >> jimmy: you must have been fun in school. 26! i got her a gift certificate to
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chioco's. and here she is, drissed as a fork. and the ncaa basketball tournament is down to the final four. they will be doing in-depth could rage of the teams, and sizing up the teams and breaking down the strategies. and the e! channel, breaks it down like this. >> who makes it? >> the ohio state, the uniforms are so tired, they should check into rehab with the situation for exhaustion. >> jimmy: he is bitter because he is was cut from the ohio state football team. talk about exhaustion. imagine his poor wife having to listen to that all day. that e! style guru, who is a fan
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of syracuse, who lost to ohio state this weekend, despite the fact they were rocking the color of the year. >> okay, the teams who can take it off. syracuse. not because they are top rated because they are rocking the color of the year, tangerine. go cuse! >> jimmy: and they went. elsewhere in sports, an announcement yesterday from the international olympic committee that decided at the summer games in london this year, female beach volleyball players will no longer be required to wear bikinis. this is the saddest day in volleyball since tom hanks let wilson float away. since beach volleyball was introduces in 1996, athletes were forced to wear bikinis. and they can now wear shorts and shirts are sleeves and that means this and this and this
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could be a thing of the past. and television viewership of beach volleyball. what do they think we watch beach volleyball for? the volleying? no. and it prevents women who appearing al noes naked in public. this is the team from afghanistan. personally, i believe all volleyball games should be played shirtless and in slow motion like they did in "207 gun." here is change behavior. alicia silverstone has a website called the kindlife.com. and she posted a video. it's dinner time in the silverstone house hold and that is her son, bear blue. and as you can see there is footd going on here. nothing out of the ordinary about that. and now, what she is doing, she is chewing the food and spitting
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that food directly into the boy's mouth. this is how -- she chews the food -- her mouth is like a smoothie machine. what a great way to learn how to make out with your mom. if nothing else. that little boy is going to make one lucky child psychologist very wealthy one day. some people are attacking her for doing this. but they call it premastication. it's apparently still common in under developed countries. the key word, under developed countries and tls also done occasionally in the united states. in fact, i know the play mates do it for he have. doctors know that mouth feeding your children can pass diseases like herpes. and this kid, his name is bear
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blue. can you imagine how he will be teased if he shows up with mommy herpes. and his first girlfriend, goes in for a stick and has a mouth of zucchini sticks. and we have an election going on. and a supreme court debate on the national health care, the nation's news media was still able to make a lot of time for this. >> the hollywood star borrowing a parenting technique for a bird. >> the mommy bloggers are blowing up over this one. >> you are about to see some of the most disgusting video in your life. >> she regurgitating it. >> that is what birth do. >> you know, birds do it. >> but they also poop in a field. >> that is disgusting now. >> i have never seen it. never heard of it. >> in other countries they do this? >> where they don't have blenders. >> she is not breast feeding.
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she is mouth feeding. >> weird. >> jimmy: yeah, weird. my mother never chewed my food for me. i guess she didn't love me. this is a website called chemistry.com and they asked americans about sex. and california is way more interested in sex than any other state. [ applause ] the study claims 8 out of 109 cities that value sex the most are in california. so thank you, governor schwarzenegger. 7 of the 8 cities are in the l.a. area. which makes sense. we are paris hilton and charlie sheen living here. what do you want us to do? read? i feel proud of us, i'm glad that we as californians could pull together and pull apart and
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then pull together again and again and again to make it happen. so give yourselves a pat on whatever -- [ applause ] the noncalifornia cities, the cities not from california in the top ten are miami beach, florida, and hoboken, new jersey. i'm glad the horny little minks in hoboken are going after it. and the city that is least interesting in sex, lubbock, texas. and they call it love making. i was watching local television on my satellite today. seems they are just as interested. >> come on buy the naughty saddle. inside, a wide array of adult supplies.
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in wrench this chicken feather and this thing. and special requests, just ask for mitch. mitch knows his way around and a woman and will get you what you need. no questions asked. why, mitch? the naughty saddle, we got it all. if we don't got it, we don't got it. come on, lubbock, sex it up. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that is special. thank you, mitch. there was another los angeles related sex act from a point 89s survey that says that residents of los angeles fake orgasm more than any other city. which is why we win all the academy awards here. we decide tods find out for ourselves today. we stopped a bunch of couples and turned into a game. we will see a couple introduce
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themselves. we will ask the question, pause the video and see the answer. it's have you ever. the first couple. >> sherville, inn ib. >> kathy. >> have you ever faked on orgasm. >> do you believe that kathy has ever faked -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: look at the look on his face, by the way. let's find out. >> no. >> do you believe her? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: all right, who else do we have? >> i'm ron from queens new york. >> i'm tracy from atlanta, georgia. >> have you ever faked an orgasm. >> jimmy: has tracy ever -- let's see. >> no, i have not. >> do you believe her. >> maybe just a little. >> maybe just a little.
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>> jimmy: all right. all right. let's meet our next couple. >> my name is dez, from romania. >> i am michelle from los angeles. >> michelle, have you ever faked an orgasm. >> jimmy: oh, definitely, right? let's see. >> of course! >> with him? >> no, not with him. in my life, yes. >> not with the romanian lover. >> i don't have to fake it, trust me, no. >> look at you! >> i like that he is wearing headphones while walking with h. let's see. >> from huntington park, california frnchts rancho cucamonga, california. >> have you ever faked an orgasm.
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>> jimmy: you guys are saying yes to every one of them. >> no. yes. >> with him? >> no. >> sometimes. >> are you okay with that? >> what? >> jimmy: that one is going to require some counseling. who else? >> i'm kurt from boulder, colorado. >> vanessa, denver, california. >> have you ever faked an orgasm. >> jimmy: let's see what she says. >> no. >> do you believe her? >> no. >> has she faked it with you? >> i'm pretty sure she has. >> i plead the fifth. >> jimmy: that's nice. sometimes it's nice to lie. who is next? >> andy robinson from sonoma county. >> and christa robinson.
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>> have you faked on orgasm. >> jimmy: most people are saying no. let's check. >> no way. no way. >> do you believe her? >> i believe her. no, i totally don't believe her. >> jimmy: i think we have more more. >> i'm dave from westland, oregon. >> i'm jill. >> have you ever faked on orgasm? >> um -- >> jimmy: that did sound like it might be leading to a yes. >> nope. >> yes. >> you have? >> at least he is honest. >> i'm being honest. >> okay. there -- is that all you wanted to know. >> i drank too much one night. so i had to get it done. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you have it. a lot of actors out there. i don't know that we learn anything. if nothing else, that should make for awkward car rides home.
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tonight for the show, from the oklahoma city thunder, kevin durant is here. we have music from white rabbits, and we'll be right back with adam carolla, so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] it was like a "what if"-- like we got money back, but i just never-- i've always felt there should have been more. [ announcer ] at h&r block, we guarantee you won't leave money on the table. don't risk your refund. call 1-800-hrblock or visit hrblock.com...
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, from the oklahoma city thunder, a rather large gentleman. you can see him and his teammates take on the chicago bulls on abc. this weekend. kevin durant is here. and then, with music from this new album called "milk famous," white rabbits from the bud light stage. [ applause ] tomorrow night we'll be joined by carson daly, kristen schaal, and we'll have music from esperanza spalding. join us then. our first guest is the number one podcaster in all the world, a "new york times" best-selling author, and a former dancing
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star and a former celebrity apprentice too. his second book is not available yet, but it will be on june 12th, so pre-order the hell out of it. it's called "not taco bell material." please say hello to adam carolla. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow, that is -- that's a new suit. >> yes, it is, james. >> jimmy: is that a fresh to youel or the same towel every time you are on the show? >> same towel. >> jimmy: what happened to the tweet bay with two eye boys that formed into one? >> i don't. puberty was not good to me.
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my eye brows got bigger, my head got bigger. my penis stayed the same. that is one thing. >> jimmy: you wrote the first book. it was very funny and successful. did you feel you had enough to write a second book? >> this is all stories. you are in it as well. about 70 times. i no longer need to write a book. it's all in there. >> only the super embarrassing stuff. only the stuff you would never want someone to read, after you are hosting the emmies are something like that. if you were driving a truck, you would still be ticked off. but this is just as horrible. >> jimmy: i'm hoping no one reads the book. >> wait a minute. well, buy the book and don't read it. balance that table. >> jimmy: the structure of the book, you go through your life housely house.
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each place -- some of them are not houses exactly. glorified shacks. basically, there was a lean tube we lived in in north hollywood and it's all the stories that took place under that roof. >> jimmy: your parents were not successful people when it came to, um, making money? >> making money? no i had to set out on my own. >> jimmy: what does the title mean? >> when i was in the tenth grade, 15 1/2, i applied far job at the taco bell in north hollywood, and they said, no can do. i didn't know that that was mathematicically possible. i thought they could have to hire me just by virtue of the fact that i showed up and said i want to work at taco bell.
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i thought i had to stab with a churro not be hired. and i went to an out of the way place i don't know if they have anymore, mcdonald's. it's a regional thing. and they hired me and the greatest thing, we don't sbun the basement and they showed you an instructional video. and the video was in the situation that someone tried to take over, masked gunmen broke into the mcdonald's and tried to take over the place, don't be a hero. just comply is what they say. and i remember thinking, at 15 1/2, i'm going, i'm getting $2.49 on hour. do you think i'm going over the counter in slow motion? not on my watch! no! knocking the m-16 out of the guy's hands. i'd be like, take the register,
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take me. i'm going to mexico. anything. [ applause ] >> jimmy: probably why the people at taco bell didn't want you. >> gentlemen. >> jimmy: now, i notice in the dedication of the book, you have forbidden your twins to read beyond the dedication. >> i dedicate it to them and then stop them. >> jimmy: how old are the kids? >> 5-ish. i got to ask the nanny, 4, 6, in there. i always changing, year to year. every couple years there is a birthday and they are younger or older, whatever direction they are going. i don't know which way the wind is blowing with those two. they are 5 and they are playing too ball now. >> jimmy: one of our producers said your son is in the same league his son is in. >> yeah, he is awesome. >> jimmy: does he like it? >> i don't know -- he evidently
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loves baseball but he hates the tees. the tee falls and the ball falls backyarward backwards. he gets five whips. it's a bad sign when someone is on knee and pitching swing level. swing level! and i realize, he may not realize what the word level means. and i yell, sonny, do you know what level means? and he turns back to me and goes, yeah, i know what levels are. we have them in angry birds. [ laughter ] wow. >> jimmy: that was a good story for his back. >> free ride to florida state. jng the book is called "not taco bell material." we'll be right back to adam carol carolla.
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how are you? we're going to head on into the interview. john, jill...mr. jacobson... what's it like driving the fusion hybrid? you can read every system that is operating by pushing a button. it's like driving a computer. what would be the hardest thing for you to give up? the miles per gallon, the fuel. when you're used to filling your car up once a week, then suddenly once every three weeks, believe me it'll be a big difference going back. ♪ oh pepperoni ♪ how much i love yah see the game last night? course i did!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, and kevin durant and the white rabbits. we're here with adam car roll low. adam and i will be appearing together as part of a night at comedy here in l.a. to benefit project a.l.s. so join us. and you -- i don't know -- i have a theory about this and i don't need to put you on the spot. you were recently fired by donald trump on the celebrity
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apprentice. >> i was let go. >> jimmy: i think you did see the words "you're fired". >> i think here comes the judge, but i have to look into that. >> jimmy: i have a theory you got fired on purpose. >> everything is a relief for me. this is why i won't be pissed when i did. you want take any crap tomorrow and you don't have to bring in the trash can. >> jimmy: i talked to you on the phone and you told me there were a lot of hours. >> six days a week and horrible cable at the trump international. and no dvd, no tivo. you don't realize, i mean that is methadone to me now. i need -- you guys know what i'm talking about. you pick up -- you're in a hotel room and you're like, pause this, come on, rewind. what is going on. moving backwards, what is going
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on. no -- try no dvr for a week now, i wufrs going insane and i was at the mercy of the television set. by the way, you don't want to be the tv's bitch, you want to be calling the shot. and i came home from a 14-hour day of making sub sandwiches and i was in no mood and i turn on espn 5 and i would be like the lady lobos of new mexico state getting ready to play indoor volleyball. and i'm like, rewind, rewind. couldn't take it. >> jimmy: so you went ahead and threw yourself on donald trump's sword, basically? >> yeah nascar is what i did. >> jimmy: you group here in l.a., and beautiful los angeles, california, the valley. you grew up on a street of celebrities. the ringwold family.
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>> sure, down the street. >> jimmy: grandpa al lewis. and you did work as a celebrity. >> to pay the bills. >> jimmy: you did a commercial for a game as i recall. >> everybody did kmeshs back then, jimmy. it's what people did. >> jimmy: this was a commercial you were in it. and i remember seeing it when i was on television. >> you can probably find it on youtube. >> jimmy: we actually did find it on youtube. we never showed it in the 45 times you were here. >> don't you think you could have found it -- >> now we found it. >> jimmy: you shot it this afternoon. and well, here it is. >> it's the idealest, funniest new game. pick a card.
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the card you play tells you how high to go and six high winning the game. simple? sure. until somebody plays a sneeze card. >> no so fast. >> it comes with real viruss to make the game more exciting. >> influenza. >> if you are not care dfl you will get sneezed on. and everything is infected. play the big sneeze, antibiotics told separately. >> at least we get to skip school, right? >> available at walgreens. >> jimmy: not exactly hungry, hungry hippo. the book is very, very funny. "not taco bell material" comes out june 12th.
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i'm looking for the one. kids, house, the whole domestic thing, you know? then why does your relationship status say, "never getting married"? hmm... that was the old me. it says you updated it 15 minutes ago. yes...yup... yeah that was before i met you. favorite pickup line: "nothing mattered before i met you." ha...oh...that's... why did i put that... [ male announcer ] only at&t's 4g network lets your iphone download three times faster. at&t. so you don't want this? nope, i'm good. this is a real breakthrough. in the past, you may have been... well, you've come a long way. [ muffled giggle ] totally. joe, they need you in the c-- what? [ giggling ] oh, can i have that slingshot back? [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker. because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. vote for your favorite flavor for america's top cheese at facebook.com/cheezit.
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vote for your favorite flavor for america's top cheese how are you? we're going to head on into the interview. john, jill...mr. jacobson... what's it like driving the fusion hybrid? you can read every system that is operating by pushing a button. it's like driving a computer. what would be the hardest thing for you to give up? the miles per gallon, the fuel. when you're used to filling your car up once a week, then suddenly once every three weeks, believe me it'll be a big difference going back.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. white rabbits. still ahead. at the tender age of 23, our next guest is a three-time nba all-star, two-time scoring champion, former rookie of the year, star forward for the top team in the nba west, and he's even made it cool to wear a backpack. from the oklahoma city thunder, please say hello to kevin durant. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how's it going? >> good, good. >> jimmy: you're very tall. i'm sure you hear that all the time. >> i do, actually. >> jimmy: congratulations. you're having some year and your team is having some year. i mean, really, unbelievable
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what is going on. up signed a contract extension in oklahoma city. and a lot of guys will go, hey, oklahoma city, it's fine. i want to go to the big city where stuff is really going on. you must like it there? >> i love it there. it's a small town. the people are nice. i can do what i want. >> jimmy: could you do anything you wanted there? >> i can. i am 6'9". i stand out a little bit buff i think so. i can do a little bit. >> jimmy: and it's the only professional team they have in town. there is no hiding. when you say you can do anything you want, you can't dot anything. as long as it's -- you know. >> well, if it's after 7:00 or 8:00, i'm pretty good, i'm cool. >> jimmy: do you go out? do you hang around in town? people must go nuts when they see you? >> the biggest thing to do is go to the apple store. i hang out there. >> jimmy: do you? >> i go to the movies.
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>> jimmy: that must be fun for the people behind you. >> they want me to sit in the back. but when i get up -- >> jimmy: first come, first serve. good thing you have a short hair cut that must be a problem for people. they must love you. they are more than happy to have you in front of them at the movies. and this season, we didn't know if it was going to happen or not because of the lockout. you got a little bored in the lockout. >> i got bored, yes. >> jimmy: you hung out in oklahoma city and in is something that kevin really tweeted. he said, this lockout is really boring. anybody playing flag football in okc? i need to run around or something? >> i was staying in the house all day and my mom was like, you need to get out. and during the season, i get out a lot. and i was just tweeting and i am like, i want to play football. and a guy hit me back out of nowhere. i wasn't expecting it.
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and he said, come down to stillwater, that is an hour and a half. i have a big van, like a scooby-doo van, a big stretch van. we had a road trip. and they didn't think i was going to come down. >> jimmy: who were the guys? >> frat guys. >> jimmy: you picked them up at their place? >> i picked them up at their place. and they were like, can i get your picture? an autograph? and i'm like, i want to the play football. and they hopped in, when i got there, it was like the super bowl. so. >> jimmy: it was on organized flag football game? >> i was just going to run up and down the field. but i had so get serious. i had a mouthpiece and arm game and leg games and they told me in the game, they had to
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forfeit. >> jimmy: because you are not a part of the team? >> yeah, i'm not part of the team. >> jimmy: did you do well? >> seven touchdowns. >> jimmy: oh, really? seven touchdowns? [ applause ] >> we won, but we lost. >> jimmy: people were -- there were spectators and the whole deal? >> there were 100 people taking picture. it was at first, 20 kids there and the third quarter, i looked and there was almost 200 or 300 people there. and i got nervous. i threw an interception and they were booing me. i was like -- >> jimmy: and i think lebron james tweeted you, he heard about the story and said, i want to play flag basketball with you. >> he is a super athlete, he played baseball, football, water poll low. he wants to jump on the band wagon. >> jimmy: did you guys play? >> yeah, we played. >> jimmy: where did you sfla did you -- when he was in town or ur
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were in miami? >> no they have a nice indoor football field in akron. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, we went there and he had seven touchdowns as well. >> jimmy: you flew to akron to play flag football? >> yeah. agot a lot of heat for that. and the day before that, the lockout had ended. and people are like, you are going to be hurt. and my brother was supposed to play quarterback. and i texted him and said, i i need to play quarterback. i was scared, walking on egg shells the whole game. i had fun, it was cool. >> jimmy: who won the game? >> we lost by 7. it was like 70-63. >> jimmy: really? when you guys beat the heat badly, what was that your revenge for the football game? >> we don't beat them badly but
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yeah. >> jimmy: it's a good thing you didn't get injured. you like having fun. when you play a game with your friend, like lebron, does it mean more to you? because it's a guy you know? >> in a football game or a basketball game? >> jimmy: basketball is what i'm talking about. >> i'm a competitor. i want to leave. whether it's an monopoly or basketball. >> jimmy: you started a fashion trend in not just the nba but everywhere. you wear a backpack a lot. these are press conference shots. you are wearing a backpack. different skinds of pack backs. what is in the backpack that so important -- here you are playing with at backpack on. we have -- wait a minute, that is dora the explorer. this is not a backpack but it's -- what is up with the
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backpack? >> i'm al lazy guiy. if i have quarters or a wallet, i put it in my backpack. i didn't think it was a big deal. guys were tweeting me do you have a parachute on. and i'm like, it's a backpack. so, you know, after a while, it's getting to get hype and i said, i need different colors. i need purple and red and match my clothes and they got it for me. >> jimmy: that is one of the big perks. as many colors of backpacks as there are in the rainbow. you seem like a great guy and you have a game with the lakers tomorrow night. take it easy on them. a game with the bulls sunday at 1:00. kevin durant, everybody. the chicago bulls against the
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