up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> 4/20 is the day on which people whole already smoke pot almost every day smoke it again. >> gabourey sidibe. >> i just started freaking out and throwing things out the window, screaming. >> director morgan spurlock. >> thank you so much for doing this. >> music from kasabian. and "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> check the plumbing, be

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for around $159 per month. e.p.a. estimated 36 miles per gallon highway. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- gabourey sidibe. director morgan spurlock. and music from kasabian. with cleto and the cletones. and, as you well know, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. hola. thank you, cleto. thank you. that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you. [ applause ] thank you for watching, thank you for being here with us on this fine spring night. did you know today is a holiday?

today is national high five day for those who didn't know. if you get caught shaking hands today, there's a $500 fine. national high five day is a real thing it was established in 2002. so, today is the ten-year anniversary. so, high five heech otheach oth guess. today -- unfortunately, today also happens to be holocaust remembrance day. [ laughter ] when they were planning the high five day thing, couldn't they have picked, i don't know, any day other than holocaust remembrance day for it to be on? tomorrow is 4/20. tomorrow is national really high five day. [ cheers and applause ] 4/20 is the day on which people who already smoke pot almost every day smoke it again. it's a day of not remembrance.

by the way, we pay taxes, smoke pot and exchange high fives all in the span of four days. this is the week that really captures what this country is all about. [ cheers and applause ] 4/20 is basically like christmas for stoners, except for when santa comes down the chimney, all the cookies are gone. in honor of this esteemed holiday, we thought we would play a round of our popular pedestrian question game. the way it is works is, we go to hollywood boulevard, we ask people the same question and then you try to guess how each one responded. tonight's question is, have you ever smoked pot? [ laughter ] this is a way we judge a book, indeed, by its cover. ready to play? [ applause ] either way, we were going to play it. let's meet our first pedestrian. >> demy gates. >> have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: all right, do we think? has she ever -- all right.

we seem to be in agreement. okay. >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> nope. never. >> jimmy: never. oh, she never has? we'll take her at her word. next? >> my name is cedric, i'm from atlanta, georgia. >> have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: has -- [ laughter ] has cedric ever smoked pot? let's find out. >> i don't know if i can answer that question. >> you already did. >> jimmy: all right. who else do we have? >> eric. >> and have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: let's see. >> yes, i have. >> are you high right now? >> slightly. >> jimmy: slightly. [ applause ] we have -- we have more, so --

relax. let's get into this. >> holly, i'm from michigan. >> have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: all right. well? we're getting more no than yes. let's find out. >> i didn't inhale? >> jimmy: well -- [ applause ] you see? all right, who else do we have? >> i'm bobby, i'm from l.a., california. >> have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: wearing a shirt that says train on it. i don't know if that's the band or something he gets on, but -- [ laughter ] well, let's find out. >> every day. >> every day? >> every other day. not all the time. >> jimmy: all right. our next pedestrian is? >> my name is bernie and i come from ireland. >> and have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: hmm. well, she's from ireland.

i don't know if they do that over -- let's find out. >> never in my life. >> jimmy: someone said "yay." [ laughter ] who else? >> i'm acid head ed and i live in hollywood. >> and have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: i don't think we need to hear the answer from acid head. let's just go to the next one. >> my name is john, i'm from blackwood, new jersey. >> and have you ever smoked pot? >> jimmy: hmm. this is a hard one. because -- [ applause ] yeah, he's got a pot leaf on his shirt, so maybe. >> yes. yes, i have. >> when was the last time you -- when was the last time you were not high? >> um -- um -- oh, man. i -- i think yesterday?

if i remember correct, i think i was yesterday, yeah. >> what's that on your ear? >> um -- dinner? >> jimmy: that's nice. so, happy 4/20 and 4/21 and 22 and so on. [ applause ] and now we move from the subject of marijuana to prostitution. reporters from the united states are hard at work in colombia digging up anything on the secret service prostitution scandal. prostitution is legal in a lot of colombia, so it turns out the reason local police got involved in the first place is because of an argument between two agents and an escort. nbc news is reporting that there was a dispute in the hotel over how much she should be paid. the escort said they made an agreement the night before to pay her $800. two guys and one girl, which is -- that's -- that's a lot for an escort. for that, you could get a ford escort, i think.

in the morning -- [ laughter ] after they promised 800s the, they only gave her $30. [ laughter ] and that's what you call a trade deficit. [ laughter ] the escort claims that the agents said they did not remember agreeing to pay $800, because they were drunk the night before and she refused to leave the room until she got paid. even chully they setted for $225. these are the guys we should put in charge of negotiating our foreign debt. sorry, china, we really don'tbo. we were drunk. we give you a watch and shoes. "the new york daily news" was able to get a picture of the woman. that's all we really wanted. that i say this is her. she's 24 years old. see, now the $800 makes sense. look -- look at the bead work on that bikini. that doesn't come cheap. she went out of the way to tell reporters she's an escort, not a

prostitute. she said, an escort is someone a man can take out to dinner. right, but then, and then after dinner, you pay her for sex, right? 11 secret servicemen are being investigated. so far, one has been fired, one resigned, one retire and the rest are thinking about leaving just because the party is over. [ laughter ] it used to be a fun job and now all they're doing is standing around in sunglasses waiting to take a bullet for somebody they don't really know, which -- what's the point of that? the whole thing is a mess. but it has given me a great idea for a movie, i think, that i believe could be a very big hit. >> she was a colombian escort. he was a secret service agent. a chance encounter. a night of passion. a deal gone bad. >> you're not going to pay me? >> no. i'm not going to pay you.

i'm going to marry you. >> and a love story for the ages. from director gary marshall, in association with the u.s. state department. "pretty woman dos: cartagena nights." her service is no secret. >> i'm herman cain, and i approve this message. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't nope he was involved. we have him on board. [ applause ] there's so much good stuff going on today. we have a new outburst of mel gibson on tape. he's been involved in a feud with a director. that were working on a film for a famous jewish warrior. i guess mel gibson didn't like the script, so, joel responded by blasting mel gibson in a scathing nine-page letter which mel gibson responded to,

reasonably, but now, the next volley is, an audio tape of mel going nuts. it's believed to have been recorded in december while joel and his family were staying at mel's house in costa rica. mel was unhappy, because not much work had been done on the script. enjoy. >> why don't i have a first draft of "the maccabees?" what the [ bleep ] have you been doing? i'll type it! i got to work, you are getting paid. i'm not! [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. god! who wants to eat? who the [ bleep ] wants to eat? go have something to eat. hooray! [ bleep ].

[ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: if you picture him doing in the braveheart outfit, it's really not that bad. say what you want about mel gibson, he really commits to a performance. that is some -- that must have been a fun dinner, right? i mean -- [ applause ] but i -- it's important to remember, folks, dinner isn't dinner without crescent rolls. >> what makes a special meal extra special? pills bury crescent dinner rolls. they'll put your special meal over the top. >> who wants to eat? who the [ bleep ] wants to eat? woo-hoo! [ applause ] >> jimmy: pop and fresh. thank you. i guess it's your move, christian bale. this is good.

the good dr. oz educates us. but there's only so many parts and i feel like they're running short on topics. with that said, it's time for tonight's edition of "is dr. oz out of ideas?" >> so, what we want to do with this nostril is to examine whether or not it's a problem for you to eat your snot. >> jimmy: i hope his cooking show doesn't get picked up. i mean, at that point, why not just order pizza? elsewhere on television, for the last two months we've been lucky enough here in california to have something called dog tv. this is a television channel for dogs. it's supposed to keep dogs entertains while their owners are at work and apparently it's been such a success that the dog tv is now being distributed nationally. and they even have a new prank show that is targeted specifically at dogs. >> if you like "punk' d," you won't want to miss the prank im.

owners play tricks on their pets. watch scooby get his first skate skateboa skateboa skateboardride. falling into a trap. and biscuit the sleepwalking dog getting a rude awakening. thursdays at 3:00. followed by a new "roof riding with romney." only on dog tv. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i would watch that. one more thing. it is thursday night. it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc, where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not . it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> in the presidential election, president obama and mitt romney are [ bleep ] hard for the votes of women. >> the alleged prostitute and

secret service agent for [ bleep ] in the hotel room. >> now to the "dancing with the stars" and after a dancing duel, time for a dancing [ bleep ]. >> actually carrying a muscle in his back during filming. >> how did you do that? >> [ bleep ] her. >> oh, in the president's book, he admitted eating [ bleep ] when he was growing up in indonesia. >> this is one of the first joint interviews mitt romney and ann romney's done since then. >> she's a huge, huge [ bleep ]. >> adam carolla took the checkered flag. >> check the plumbing, because you're going to have to [ bleep ] several times a day. >> it is a race against time to [ bleep ] a whale tangled in a fish net. >> i was listening to madonna one day and i really realized my passion for [ bleep ]. >> all right, ladies, i need advice. there is something you will [ bleep ] your bootsy without you having to -- here comes jimmy kimmel, i know he's going to be here. >> tracking a man named [ bleep ] face. >> [ bleep ] face?

>> weighing 129 pounds, david ot otunga. >> look at his great physique. >> jimmy: we have a good show for you tonight. morgan spurlock. is here. we have music from kasabian. and we'll be right back with gabourey sidibe, so stick around. ugh! all work and no food is making lorenzo very snippy.

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>> jimmy: well, hi there. welcome back. tonight on the program, a talented documentarian. his latest is called "comic-con episode 4: a fan's hope." morgan spurlock is here. and then, with music from this tiny little album, it's called

"velociraptor," kasabian from the bud light stage. we've got a great line up for you next week. john cusack, julia louis-dreyfus, vanessa williams, emily blunt, mindy kaling, dave salmoni and his animal friends, the latest cast off from "dancing with the stars," and the new national school scrabble champions will be here. these are kids that will be conquered by me. i beat these same kids a couple of years ago, and now they're back -- for more h-u-m-i-l-i-a-t-i-o-n. if you know what i'm saying. oh, and for your ears, we'll have music from adam lambert, vintage trouble, lp and the hives. so, join us next week. our first guest tonight, in the year 2009, photo-bombed her way into our national consciousness with her oscar-nominated performance as precious, who i'm legally bound to point out is based on the novel "push by sapphire." you can see her now making cancer fun, on season 3 of "the big c." watch it on sunday nights at 9:30 on showtime, please welcome gabourey sidibe.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm good. how are you? >> jimmy: doing very well. and i'm very grateful to you and -- the last time you were in this building, you did something for us here at the show. i think, you know, a lot only people knoll you from "precious," from "the big c." but to me, this was -- well, for those who did not see gabourey's performance in our post-oscar performance, let's show a little clip of this. >> who is that riding ing on it? >> with gabourey sidibe as bl-- >> black hitler. >> i'm back. and i'm black! [ applause ] >> jimmy: so -- >> i'm most proud of black hitler in my career. >> jimmy: really?

>> i really am. >> jimmy: i tell you something, honestly, originally, you were not our first choice because i thought it should be a man and then every man was too scared. i was like, oh, you know who would be great and who might actually be cool enough to do this? gabourey. and you said, i will be black hitler. >> proudly. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i hope you got good feedback from that in general? >> i got a lot of text messages from friends and stuff safing that black hitler rules, which is -- i'm just grateful they didn't write hitler rules. >> jimmy: yeah, that would be inappropriate. >> he does not rule. >> jimmy: no, no, not anymore, he doesn't. >> it didn't go well. >> jimmy: you brought some pictures here that i think need some explanation because, the last time you were here, you had just moved. >> right. >> jimmy: and now you moved again? >> yeah, every time i'm here, it's right after i move. okay, but this time -- this time

i moved for a very good reason. i don't want to bury the lead here, but basically i was run out of my apartment by squirrels. so, let me -- let me explain what happened. >> jimmy: how does that happen? >> i spent the holidays in san diego with my friends and i left my apartment, it was really hot, the radiator is always going. >> jimmy: back in new york? >> yeah, back in new york. and so i leave the window open a crack. and i left the window open a crack and left for three weeks and didn't realize it. so, i come back and it's 9:00 at night, i walk into my apartment and just feels like weird and sort of eerie. i go into my bedroom and i find that squirrels have moved in. and they brought in branches. they brought in -- here is what i learned about squirrels, though. i don't know where they live at night but it's not in apartments. but -- >> maybe it is. >> but when they find a place

that they like to eat, they return every day to eat there. it's like the new restaurant or whatever. and so i think they were eating there and they started nesting. thank god they weren't there when i got home because i would have freaked out. >> jimmy: nesting in this spot? >> that's not my secereal box. >> jimmy: they brought that in? >> they brought in sticks, they brought in cotton, i don't know where from and that box. i kid you not, i panicked. i started calling every boy i know because, i was like, screaming over the phone, you have to get over here. i needed the sticks out of my home. i didn't want to return and feel like -- it's three weeks. they live there, i don't. i don't live there anymore, they do. >> jimmy: it's their apartment. >> so i called my cousin sean, who is dope, he's awesome, he came all the way from brooklyn to help men just clean up the sticks and, so, here's the thing

about sean. sean is college educated. he's, like, 7'3", it's ridiculous. >> jimmy: is he really? >> yeah. i don't like it. i don't approve. but he's really, really tall. and he comes over -- >> jimmy: you don't like it? >> i don't really -- i like tall people, but i feel like i'm afraid of them because if they were to rise up against the rest of us, us shorties, we wouldn't know, because guess what? they are already up there. >> jimmy: something to think about. all right. >> watch out for the tall people. but so, sean comes over, he's in my living room and the squirrels didn't move out of the bedroom. but he takes a sock and pulls them over his pants, over both, so that squirrels won't run up his pants. i get it, he's tall. he looks like a tree. and he helps me -- >> jimmy: he didn't want to get to his nuts, i guess. >> exactly. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: i can understand that concern. >> yeah. and so he's -- we get a bag and we're putting sticks into the bag and we're both freaked out, we are googling what to do when a squirrel moves in and then he turns to me, again, he's super smart, super smart, this kid, he turns to me and he says, what if it laid eggs. wait a minute. wait, wait -- squirrels don't lay eggs, do they? >> and i go -- let's google it. because i'm also stupid. and i couldn't remember, i was like, i think they're mammals but what if they're not? >> jimmy: lizards in fur coats. >> exactly. and so he helped me clean up. there were two bags worth of sticks. >> jimmy: and this is the guy? >> the next morning. here's what happens. so -- so i go to bed and, like, 6:00 in the morning i hear -- i wake up and the squirrel is,

it's like "the graduate." he's banging on the window. the squirrel is freaking out and i'm scare and i really wish i had the mind to take a picture of that because i'm a dummy. but i just start freaking out and throwing things at the window, screaming "go away squirrel, you're not welcome here." and then it, like, it chilled there all day, waiting for me to open the window. >> jimmy: wow. is it still there? >> i don't know. i moved the hell out. >> jimmy: that's an unusual reason for moving for sure. we have to take a quick break. gabourey sidibe is here. "the big c" is the show. we'll be right back. today, we stand against the tyranny

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>> have you selected a dessert. >> do you have anything without garlic? >> just the chocolate mousse. but those are our last two. >> well -- how come their get them and we don't? >> they were special ordered two days ago. >> we weren't even a couple two days ago. >> i'll give you a minute. >> eat fast. >> you don't have to tell me twi twice. what the -- holy [ bleep ], it's

a ring. >> jimmy: that's "the big c." gabourey sidibe is with us. you have big hair in that -- >> i shouldn't be saying this, but little spoiler alert, that's the night andrea got pregnant. not really. >> jimmy: oh, okay. you are wearing, like, african garb -- >> yeah, the thing is, andrea, my character, her parents are misthe mistheirs in ghana. she goes to ghana and she comes back super, super african. like, super african. she changes her name from andrea to ababo and rocks the fro and only wears that. >> jimmy: that does happen sometimes. >> it does. all of my friends that go there come back, oh, the mother land. i've been to africa so many times and i think i sort of missed that boat where i'm like, oh, lord, the mother land, because i'm from there.

>> jimmy: yeah, it does change it a little bit. >> yep, just the bush to me, like -- that's just it. >> jimmy: you are getting an award, this weekend, in dallas, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what is the event that's going on? [ applause ] >> an award in dallas? it's the dallas film festival. and i think i'm getting the shining star award and actually my cast member laura linney is getting the star award and it's really for -- >> jimmy: she's only getting the star -- >> no, her -- >> jimmy: yours is the shining. she must be furious. >> she's mad. she keeps sending me fish in the mail. i don't know what it's about. no, it's because she's had a super long career of awesomeness and i had a three-month career of awesomeness. so, the shining star award is for newer. >> jimmy: that's fun. you'll both go there? >> yeah, we are both accepting and i hope i can take her line dancing after? i'm going to get her smacked on tequila. i'm not. >> jimmy: you're not?

>> probably not. >> jimmy: no. >> she's classy. >> jimmy: big co-stars coming up in the show this year, huh? >> yeah. >> jimmy: susan sar randon, allison janney. >> i sometimes feel super weird, because the night before i came out here to do black hitler, we were shooting a scene at this restaurant, it was me and laura, oliver platt, allison and susan and black hitler and i'm like, why are they even letting me sit at this adult actor table, i'm just like, i'm some child. and i'm literally black hitler now, so -- >> jimmy: you are black hitler and a shining star. there you go. gabourey sidibe. great to have you here. watch her on "the big c" sunday nights at 9:30 on showtime. we'll be right back with morgan

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>> jimmy: hi there. we're back. still to come, music from kasabian. after exposing the truth about chicken nuggets in "super size me" and secret commercials in "the greatest movie ever sold," our next guest dives head first into the world of wookies, wizards and wonder women in his new documentary called "comic-con episode 4: a fan's hope." it's in theaters now and available on video on demand. please welcome morgan spurlock.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did they -- did these guys follow you from comic con? >> guys, you can leave. i'm not going anywhere. >> jimmy: oh, they follow your command. that's very good. are those slightly generic -- >> those are clones. even more evil. >> jimmy: how are you doing? good to see you. everything all right? >> very's good. >> jimmy: why did you decide to do a documentary about comic con? >> yeah, you know, it was 2009, i was there doing "the simpsons" special for fox. we were having a casting where people were professing their love for homer simpson, all the things they love for the show. and this guy comes running in,

painted head to toe in red lick by latex with fake teeth in and black blood pouring out of miss mouth and he goes -- thank you, thank you so much for making the show, thank you so much for doing this, i love the simpsons, they changed my life, it's the greatest thing ever. and he went on, for, like, five minutes. and when he was done, i was like, that's awesome. but what's this all about? and he goes, oh -- and he looked down, like he forgot that he was wearing this. and he goes, i'm carnage. you know who carnage is? i said, oh, yeah. and he goes, okay, so -- >> jimmy: the spider-man villain. >> my wife, she helped me get ready today. she painted this all over me and she and the kids drove me here and dropped me off and i said, wait a minute, they dropped you off? he went, yeah. they don't really get it. [ laughter ] and i said, i was like, that's a movie.

>> jimmy: right. and it's not making fun of these people. it's a loving portrait. >> yeah, i wanted to get in -- watch stories from comic con, you get the stories, look at the freaks in costumes? >> jimmy: every local news report ever. >> so, i said, let's tell a deeper story about this place. we followed seven different people. we tell the story of this kind of pop culture mecca through their experiences. >> jimmy: and where did you find these people? >> we, from all over the world, we had over 2,000 people submit to be in the film. >> jimmy: you had to submit, okay. >> one of the people we follow is a guy named skip harvey from columbia, missouri, he 's an artist, he's sitting in the captain's chair from the "enterprise." talking about why he should be in the movie. and we had a guy and a girl, they professed their geek love and they fell in love because of comic con. >> jimmy: that's kind of like a sweet moment, actually, in the -- >> they melt in a coffee shop and, like, he walked in and saw

her looking through her comic con guide and he had his and he's like, you're going, i'm going, and they sat down, take lyre, i'd like to see that, too, so they went together, fell in geek love and now they said that's why we want you to film us. at the end, it cuts to james darling in a closet with the camera going is, what i really want to do is propose to my girlfriend at comic con. he said that, i'm like, he's in, done, he's in. he's so in. he wants to be that guy -- >> jimmy: he's in the movie. >> and he did. >> jimmy: we shouldn't ruin it. >> and soon there will be hob builts f builts for the world. >> jimmy: how old is your son now? >> he's 5. >> jimmy: is he into it? >> i took him last year. we made a companion book. we went there to launch the book before the film came out and i showed him the book. he was riding in the back of the car. i said, this is where we're going. he's like, oh, spider-man.

and he goes, oh, daddy, i could be batman. i was like, yes, you could be batman. i kept driving along. he's looking, he goes, no, no. you could be batman and i'll be bat boy. and i say, yes, we can. we were there last year, me as porn star batman, you know, with my little bat boy. >> jimmy: he must have been thrilled. >> he was ecstatic. >> jimmy: that's very cute. >> it was cute. >> jimmy: as far as, you mentioned your mustache there, the porn reference. your next documentary that you are working on -- >> we have a film premiering this saturday and it comes out in may and it's a movie that we did with will arnett and jason bateman and it is a movie that looks at the magical worldle of man scaping. and the film is called "mansome." >> jimmy: and you talk to various men who groom themselves? >> various grooming men, guys who may have gotten a

bro-zilian. something along those lines. great cast. zach gal fifianakigalifianakis, from anthrax. >> jimmy: they are not acting -- >> day are talking about their grooming. adam carolla is in it. >> jimmy: he talk about his eyebrow? >> all his magical manliness. >> jimmy: did you sell your mustache or something? >> well, part of the film, "movember," a charity that has raised more money for prostate cancer -- >> jimmy: i think they are against prostate cancer. >> they are completely against it. they raise money to fight it. not to support it. we need more. >> jimmy: you auctioned off your -- >> i said, well, rather than grow a mustache, what if i shave it off? after i shaved it off, we auctioned it off on ebay and some fantastic individual paid $38 for it. [ laughter ] as if that's not creepy enough.

when you see the bag, it looks like a weird sack of, like, pube shake. >> jimmy: great to see you. very entertaining. always entertaining. morgan spurlock. this one is called "comic con episode 4: a fan's hope" is in theaters now and available video on demand and on itunes. we'll be right back with music from kasabian.

>> jimmy: this is their latest album, it's called "velociraptor." here with the song "days are forgotten," kasabian. ♪ ♪ ahh ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ahh ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪ ♪ hey son i'm looking forwards you're aiming backwards of this i'm sure ♪ ♪ have you had enough

are you feeling rough does your skull hurt well if it's war ♪ ♪ 'cause i am taking back what's mine i am taking back the time you may call it suicide ♪ ♪ but i'm being born again i'm waiting ahh i'm waiting ♪ ♪ ah-ah-ah-ah-ah right here now i'm waiting ahh ♪ ♪ for someone or something to take me to take me over ♪ ♪ days the days are forgotten now it's all over ♪ ♪ simply forgotten ♪ hombrenow it's all over ♪ simply forgotten

♪ hombre i got blood lust feeding you bread crust i leave no scar ♪ ♪ you say i'm old hat ♪ such a dirty rat call me a cliché how right you are ♪ ♪ i am with the vagabonds i am writing all your wrongs you may call it suicide ♪ ♪ but i'm being born again i'm waiting ahh i'm waiting ♪ ♪ right here now i'm waiting ahh for someone ♪ ♪ or something to take me to take me over days the days are ♪ ♪ forgotten now it's all over you've simply ♪ ♪ forgotten how to disappear

i saw something out there in the ♪ ♪ darkest star you were sat at home chewing on monkey brain i am not here ♪ ♪ i'm just a silhouette you will never ever ever forget ♪ ♪ days ♪ the days are forgotten now it's all over ♪ ♪ you've simply forgotten how to disappear days ♪ ♪ the days are forgotten now it's all over ♪ ♪ you've simply forgotten how to disappear i saw something ♪ ♪