tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 3, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT
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love this convenient, pre-made alternative. it's perfect for cinco de mayo, but why should we wait when we can start the fiesta now? let's pour some for everyone in the audience! what do you say? [ cheers and applause ] all these cases are empty, gee area mow. do you know anything about this? >> about who? >> jimmy: about who drank all the bud light lime lime-a-rita. >> i don't know. somebody must drank it. >> jimmy: well, obviously. did you see anybody drunk it? >> maybe it happened when i was doing my ceiling and floor inspection. >> jimmy: the what? >> the ceiling and the floor
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inspection. when i inspect the ceiling and the floor. >> jimmy: guillermo, be honest with me. did you drink all the bud light lime lime-a-rita? >> no hablo espanol. >> dicky: bud light lime lime-a-rita, the ready-to-drink margarita with a refreshing twist of bud light lime. it's a margarita with a twist! >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with william h. macy, eva green and music from brad. hey joe. yeah? is this a bad time? no, i can talk. great. it's the 9th inning and your hair still looks amazing. well it starts with a healthy scalp. that's why i use head & shoulders for men. there are four shampoos for game-winning scalp protection and great looking hair... go on, please. with seven benefits in every bottle, head & shoulders for men washes out flakes, itch and dryness. and washes in... confidence. yeah, it does. [ crowd cheering ] [ male announcer ] head & shoulders for men.
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>> jimmy: thank you. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you all for coming. i appreciate it. it's -- it's a pleasure to welcome you to my mobile home. hey, have you heard about the lady who got arrested for bringing her 5-year-old to a tanning salon. first, guess what state she is from. new jersey. is that a crime in new jersey? in new jersey, i think they call that daycare. she was arrested and charged with second degree child endangerment after she let her daughter get in a tanning bed. that is ridiculous.
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you douse them with tanning spray. have we learned nothing from toddlers and tiartiaras. she said the kid got a sun burn on her own from the sun. i'm going to show you a clip from the news. what you are about to see is shocking. but i promise you, unlike times we have added things fake in the news clip this is 100% real. >> patricia denies she took her daughter with her and said she just took the daughter in the salon and made her wait while she tanned. >> this whole thing has been blown up. >> that is the actual woman. is she tanning or did she fall down a chimney? she looked like the wile
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e.coyote after the dynamite blew up. >> i'm not going to bring my daughter sbeer a 90-degree bed. that is not norm a l. >> none of it. your fais, that is not normal. she is so tan, it's actually racist. she was released on $25,000 bail. in court today, she plead not guilty by% of intanity. this is a photo of her daughter, by the way. a little small for a 6-year-old, i think. that is crazy, congratulations, new jersey, really giving florida a run for its money lately. another parent of the year nominee, levi johnston, he is able to become a father again. with another girlfriend. they have already settled on a
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name, and that name is breeze b b beretta. i'm surprised by this. levi usually makes sound decisions. beretta is the name of a gaun manufacturer. and how bittersweet for sarah palin. remember they put a suit on him and let him stand next to john mccain. that was funny. and think, this guy could have been living on a trailer on the lawn. it's hard to think after baby names when you are busy painting flames on the side of your snowmobile. in another news, newt gingrich suspended his campaign today. he said he accomplished what he set out to do. and that is to eat a cinnabon in
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each of the 50 states. he made a farewell speech teed. in the speech, he talked a lot about going to the moon. he loves to the talk about going to the moon. i wonder if the moon talking about him. he is nearly $4 million in debt. yesterday, he made a youtube video to thank his supporters and remind them, i guess, that he still has bills to pay. >> i want to take this opportunity to give you advance notice that wednesday, i will be officially suspending the campaign as part of a precedent. i want to you know first, because your -- nearly 180,000 people donated to the campaign. i want to you know, that without you, none of this would have been possible. thank you, and i i look forward to working with you for a better future for america. >> jimmy: they have taken
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everything. you know, how does it work when your campaign runs out of money? if it runs out, do you have to personally pay it? my guess is mitt romney wants to pay it. and he hinted at that today. in the meantime, he is tries to raise funds the old fashioned way. that is not the way to run -- okay. there -- i know it's perfectly -- do you think he saved that to pay for his campaign? better than the bikini car wash that is for sure. here is another politician who didn't have a great day. remember anthony weiner, the guy who tweeted a picture of his groin? we have another wiener on her hands. this is michael wiener, posing
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with barely dressed women in a red light district in the philippines. the photo was taken on a photographer there to document on the sex industry. wiener said that he did nothing wrg. he does have his clothes on, which is good. if you are a politician and your last snname is wiener, should y never pose for a picture, ever. the odds that there are two politicians with the last name wiener are involved in a scandal -- the fact is, wieners have been involved in this sort of thing for many, many years. >> the legacy for jege ratigene
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zacharia wiener. >> i want to left your petticoat and drive your the trail. >> joe wiener who slides no home plate. >> and he drives in the plate, oh, the humanity. look at that louisville slugger. to leave a nation speechless. and willie wiener, the smallest of all wieners. >> is that an acorn or are you just happy to see me? >> are the humble beginning to the wieners of today, the wieners were thrust into the spotlight where they will expose the wieners, only on a&e.
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>> jimmy: that is fascinating. a man was arrested in california this weekend on sus suspicion of causing a accident and fleeing the scene. that is not the most interesting thing about him. >> reporter: 37-year-old obiwan kenobi was fleeing the scene? >> jimmy: that is also a character from star wars in. is from a stvation in chicago. they have a show called "you and me in the morning" and a reporter is out in the street doing a story about a local theater and they got an unexpected visitor. there he is. do you hear that noise?
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>> i hope you got that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: by that, you mean, malaria, yes. so there's a horrible woman. big news from the kardashian family. khloe ckardashian and her husband, lamar odom, said they were discontinuing their show, k khloe and lamar." ray parentally, lamar wants to leave to focus on his basketball career. the e! network is airing "khloe and lamar decide whether or not not to can low we and lamar".
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>> are you excited for dallas? >> it was good. thank you. >> you don't can lack it. >> i missed you so much. we are best friends. >> it's so crazy how i never knew i needed glasses. what was wide lane mean? >> i think it means -- >> ah! >> ah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how will you ever be able to afford -- this is the problem. this is from the nbc nightly news. brian williams, very capable, charismatic man. and tonight, how is this news?
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>> the big product name change in the news. fig newtons are just newtons. >> really changes everything. we have a good show you tonight. from the new tim burton movie "dark shadows," eva green is here. we have music from brad, and we'll be right back with william h. macy. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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here. and then, with music from this new album called "united we stand," brad from the bud light stage. that's the band, not a guy. [ cheers and applause ] we've got a nice show for you tomorrow too. from "the avengers," scarlett johansson will be here, as will very talented musician roger daltrey of the who, so join us then. do you guys -- do any of you play the game draw something? [ applause ] it's brought all productivity to a halt here on the show. i play it, with my kids. and everyone is playing it. if you haven't played it, you play it on your iphone or ipad. and it's like picionary. and one of the clues, happened to be kimmel, which happens to
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be my last name. and the company, zenga. they gave us a bunch of pictures that people drew of me. and i thought -- there are a lot of them. but, here we go, there is somebody -- i don't know who i'm interviewing there. but he looks like he is down on his luck. next we have -- that is a more rudimentary drawing. you get the idea, i guess. i'm very thin. i like that one. that is me. my japanese counterpart. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. it's really cheating to write words though. i'm -- ben affleck. we have to blur that out.
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there's -- a maniacal version of me, saying ha, ha, ha. and a camel, probably a mistake. but maybe a take. and there is a very good drawing but i'm drunk, i think, or something. my nose is very pink. that looks more like my mom than me. and that one -- look at that. i mean, somebody took the time to draw that just as a clue. and oddly, the person probably got it wrong. that is pretty clue. if you haven't played the draw something thing -- do you play, guillermo? i'm going show you more tomorrow night. there are a lot of drawings of you, also. >> okay. >> jimmy: that is okay with you? >> okay. >> jimmy: okay. our first guest is a two time emmy winner and academy award-nominated actor who makes any movie or tv show better.
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it's kind of like bacon in 245 that way. you know him from "fargo," "boogie nights," "seabiscuit," "er" and his current series on showtime called "shameless." please welcome william h. macy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> i'm swell. i'm swell. >> jimmy: great to see you. >> good to be seen. >> jimmy: the show, "shameless," you have done two seasons, right? >> we go back june 27 tot start the third season. >> jimmy: oh, you go back. what do you do? do you do anything or just hang around the house? >> i'm going to take a motorcycle trip, i have been fixing things around the house. i have doing an indy film, "raising children." . i don't know what i do but i'm
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exhausted at night. >> jimmy: where do you go on your motorcycle trip? >> two lads from the show a couple montha ago, we went from l.a. to san francisco and back and just had a well time. and this time, we are going to go from l.a. to colorado. >> jimmy: that is a long way. >> yay, we are going see all the deep holes in the ground between then and now. >> jimmy: what what do you do, do you stop a lot? >> when you get to my age, you stop a lot. >> jimmy: to use the rest rooms. >> all of them. >> jimmy: do you talk to people along the way? did you make friends? >> yeah, yeah. last year, i did this trip and i went on my own. i thought the voice in my head was going to drive me nuts. but i had the best time and there are a lot of people who do this. there are people who take motorcycle trips. and i would see a group of
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bikers come towards me. they are all on harleys, tattoos and look like a dangerous crowd. and they are all french or german. it's a big vacation. they -- someone sets it up for them. they come up over here, dress up like outlaws, get on a harley and take a trip in the midwest. >> jimmy: really? >> did i did a film called "wild hogs" about motorcycles. >> [ applause ] thank you. but when i got recognized, they were gobsmacked. >> jimmy: because when you do a movie -- >> it's a wild hog. >> jimmy: i'm shocked they are out sourcing our biker gangs. >> it's a great thing. >> jimmy: do you know any real -- are you in a biking gang yourself? >> i'm not. i'm a wasp. when we did "wild hogs," rumor
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was we had seriously bad guys on the set. they were all extras. and they all look scary. that's the thing you do, as a biker. i got my harley and i had the urge, the second i bought it, to get a tattoo. isn't that weird. >> jimmy: really? that is weird. you are not a tattoo guy in general? >> i talked myself out of it. i couldn't find out you what to get and then where to put it. and then i thought about sitting in a makeup chair and getting it covered up. >> jimmy: have you been riding bikes your whole life? >> i rode when i was a kid and the fist time i lived in l.a. and the hoef "wild hog" got me riding big bikes, harleys. >> jimmy: how about that? your character on the show, maybe the worst guy ever. >> what do you mean maybe? >> jimmy: the worst guy ever. with the possible expression of
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your hitlers and what not, throw a bin laden in there. >> i think i should write a book on parenting. >> jimmy: a drunk a booed father. an addict. >> a narcissist. i try to cover all the bases. >> jimmy: is that something that people associate with you in any way, when they meet you? or do we know you from so many things that you don't have that baggage? >> i don't know. people do start off the conversations when they say, oh, my lord, i hate you. thank you. that is kind of you to say that. but i'm pretty good at taking these despicable characters and give them enough dimension that you are willing to watch them. >> jimmy: do you base them -- is it based on a real person? >> not really. frank is a notorious alcoholic and high all the time.
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william h. macy! congratulations, you got a star on the hollywood walk of fame. not only you got a star. but you and your wife got stars next each other. >> it was a great event. i was sort of embarrassed by how much i liked it. >> jimmy: were you, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you family come out? >> 75 years from now, someone will look down and say, who is that? >> jimmy: there is a lot of that going on out there. my daughters came, they are 10 and 11. >> jimmy: did they care? >> actually, it freaked them out a bit. they were not scary about it. >> jimmy: were they impressed that mom and dad had stars? >> i think so. i think so. >> jimmy: what did the girls think of this, exactly? >> they said, that's my dad.
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that is my frank gallagher pose. it seemed like such a good idea of the time. >> jimmy: until the hepatitis test comes back. this picture will lead us back to what we were talking about before -- >> drinking. >> jimmy: are you a big drinker? >> i like to drink. >> jimmy: you do? >> too much. the show is criticized a bit because my character makes drinking look so much fun. it's a big problem and i think we try to tell the truth about it. me mom drank a bit. >> jimmy: in a way, you are doing research when you tie one on. >> i deduct all my scotch. >> jimmy: your mom was a drinker, you said? >> god rest her soul. she could do funny things. she -- one time, my dad built
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our house and there is a long set of concrete stairs to get to the first floor, floo, which we rented out. and she said, will you go down stairs and i start out, i go hauling down stairs, start on the concrete stairs and my mother said, i'm going to turn on the light for billy. i am plunged in darkness and she turns it on just in time to see the concrete rushing to my face. what a wipeout. like i mean, always funny. rest in peace, mom. >> jimmy: was she always funny when she had a few drinks in her
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? >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: what about the cast. you take trips together? >> no, they are younger than me. justin, steve, they are young. i have been out one time and i cried uncle at 9:30. >> jimmy: you did? >> we shoot in chicago. a week -- i love that town. we shoot six episodes here and we go there for a week to shoot exteriors. and seven of them had lost their phone in the fountain. what fountain, i say? i'm not sure about that. why -- >> jimmy: seven phones in a fountain? >> they couldn't explain it. i had the only phone on the set. they party hard. you remember the days when you could drink -- >> jimmy: i do. i remember -- i kind of remember them. you made so many great movies. and you worked with so many
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great people. of all the people that you worked with you, who stands out as far as drinking buddies go? >> you know who was cool? i did this thing called "welcome to colinwood." george clooney was in it and he was also a producer. he came in and had a great role. and he took us out that night. and you can imagine, this bar is up for grabs, and i watched him and he hammered back 12, 15 shots of tequila by the time i invited myself to go home. and the next day, the set was a mess. but george was fine. but the rest of the crew couldn't open their eyes. i mean, it was a lost day. and someone told me, what george would do, he could get the drink and he would go, drunk it on the ground and go like that.
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and nobody saw it. >> jimmy: that's why he's george clooney. congratulations on all the success of shoet. william h. macy. his show is "shameless." we'll be right back with eva green. mr. parker! sir... excuse me, excuse me... can i get you to sign off on the johnson case... ♪ we built this city! ♪ we built this city [ cellphone rings ] ♪ on rock & roll!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, welcome back. still to come, music from brad and her new movie, our next guest playing a jealous and vengeful witch who torments her ex for 200 years. >> i'm going to open you a business proposal. my final offer, side by side, partners and lovers or we get back in the box? >> i have prepared my counterproposal. it reads thusly, you may place your lips on my posterior and kiss it repeatedly. >> jimmy: the movie is called
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"dark shadows." it opens one week from friday. please say hello to eva green. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ now, you seemed american in the clip but you are from france. >> i am so french. >> jimmy: very french. i'm always reminded because the french and most europeans will go for the double kiss, which always surprises me did sometimes delights me, to kiss hello. yes, yes, when did you come to the united states? >> what time did i get here? >> jimmy: yeah, was the flight okay. as a child, adult? >> the first time i came to the u.s., i was 15. i went to long island.
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my first time. and my parents used to send me for some exchange and i stayed with a family in long island. >> jimmy: you did? >> i did! >> jimmy: do you remember the family? >> i did. they were nice. they were nice. i had to go to a school in the morning. to learn english. >> jimmy: right. >> and it was like, i felt like i was in a tv series, i like "saved by the bell." kind of amazing, they had lockers and in france, we don't have lockers. we have to carry enormous backpacks with books. i thought it was very cool. >> jimmy: you had no lock ners france. we have so many lockers here. >> lucky you. >> jimmy: lots and lots of lockers. when you learned to speak english, did you learn with a new york accent? >> no, when i did the bond film, i had pressure with the studios
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and they wanted me to nail a perfect british accent and i worked and worked and worked on the british accent and it got stuck with me. >> jimmy: you live -- >> i am based in london. but i am french. >> jimmy: does it seems -- you speak english with a british accent. >> i do, in the morning, i sound more german. kind of -- >> jimmy: like you are clearing your throat. >> i am nervous today. >> jimmy: don't be nervous. your mom was a famous actress and this is -- this is -- i was told this is like "time" magazine in france. and as a baby -- which baby are you? >> i have no idea. i have a twin sister. we don't look alike. >> jimmy: you don't know which
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is which? >> no. >> jimmy: what does your dad do? is he an actor? >> he's a dentist. >> jimmy: are you constantly flossing. >> he is not my dentist. it's too intimate. can you imagine your father being your gynecologist? >> jimmy: well, personally, no. i can't imagine anyone being my gynecologist. i think every once in a while, you have to check things out. and i remember it happening to me with my dad and with my son, there being an injury, and you are like, all right, let me see it. and you have to. but dentist is not that bad.
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>> no, there is something weird about dentists. >> jimmy: there are a lot of weird things about dentists, yeah. was your dad weird? >> he is swedish. >> jimmy: oh, he's swedish. does that mean he is weird? does that mean he is weird? >> to the north. >> jimmy: our knowledge of swedes is mostly the guy from the muppet show. do you know the muppet show? you mentioned "saved by the bell," did you watch american shows as a kid? >> yeah. >> jimmy: which ones did you watch? i was in australia and they were watching "hart to hart" over there. >> yeah. there was so much banter. i loved that. >> jimmy: what else did you see there? >> i was talking to a friend,
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"21 jump street". >> jimmy: oh, really, with your co-star johnny depp. >> yeah, i grew up with him. >> jimmy: did you mention that to him? >> no, i'm too proud. >> jimmy: he has no idea. >> no, no, he was fabulous. >> jimmy: did you have a great working experience with johnny depp? >> yeah, he is a wonderful man. he is very humble and so professional. he has a very beautiful soul. i was very lucky. >> jimmy: you got to see his soul. that is awkward. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, not in real life but you have a witch. i thought you did a great job. you guys are flying all over -- how do you fly all over when you are flying and making love, whatever you call it exactly. how did that happen? >> well, i mean, it's the most acrobatic sex scene you have
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seen. and the most impossible positions. because we were super natural people. we kind of go up the walls, on the ceiling, smash things, and it's up -- it's like ken and barbie having sex. >> jimmy: really? >> because it's -- we call that puppet sex. there is no hip movement. it's very unusual. >> jimmy: with ken and barbie, there are no genitals either, so -- well, the movie came out great. congratulations. and you are working on -- i heard with the -- the prequell to the movie "300" next. >> yeah, i'm playing a very powerful commander of the persian navy and she has to train every morning, like, four hours every morning.
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>> jimmy: this is the new album. it is called "united we stand." here with the song "diamond blues," brad. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i know what we got it will only get better i know the final shot will hit it right on the letter ♪ ♪ we give what we can take in any kind of weather the shock is in your hands and it is light as a feather ♪ ♪ all we want is a diamond in blues all we got is a shine on our shoes ♪ ♪ all we need is a love on the take
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yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ here is the case at hand when your dealing the heartbreak ♪ ♪ holdin' your fellow man until he lives for the daybreak ♪ ♪ how much that you can stand before yo needin' to jailbreak how much is it gonna cost for the freedom to celebrate ♪ ♪ all we want is a diamond in blues all we got is a shine on our shoes ♪ ♪ all we want is a love on the take yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ all around the freedom was breakin' all the sound was the screamin' and hatin' ♪ ♪ breakin' down in the fight for the war breakin' bread in the heat of it all ♪ ♪ a mankind on the brink
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a mankind thrown in the kitchen sink ♪ ♪ a give me time a give me time i hear it all lord i need it all lord ♪ ♪ i need it all lord yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ i know what we got it will only get better ♪ ♪ we give what we can take in any kind of weather the shock is in your hands and it is light as a feather ♪ ♪ come on ♪
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