veegen. thanks for watching abc news. we're always jien at abcnews. m abcnews.com. have a great week. "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. >> dicky: tonight on show show, gary odeman. >> i see us all coming together. you feel me? >> rob riggle. >> there's a 5,000 pound bull. >> if you love 50 shades of gray, you know what else you

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about the bud light port paradise music fest. four days, three nights, and a two-day music festival on two islands in the bahamas. one legendary party. sounds pretty good, doesn't it, guillermo? >> si, jimmy. it sounds awesome! but as a responsible parent, i don't know if i should go. ♪ >> vamanos, amigo! you work very very hard. you deserve a vacation! >> i know, i do you handsome devil. >> guillermo! you have to keep jimmy kimmel safe. you can't go running off to take a cruise. >> guillermo: yes, lady. you are probably right. [ laughter ] >> don't listen to the stupid angel.

you need to get out on the high seas with beautiful women. >> guillermo: and the two-day music festival! >> and don't forget the bud light. >> bud light? >> yes, bud light. >> can you guys take me with you? >> guillermo: no, angel. you are no fun. [ laughter ] come on, devil. let's go to port paradise. >> dicky: the bud light port paradise cruise sets sail again this year. find out how to get on board at www.budlightportparadise.com. bud light, here we go! >> jimmy: i almost understood some of that. "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes with gary oldman, rob riggle and music from the dirty heads. let's test it.

[ whirring ] cheese me. [ beeps ] [ beeps ] ohh! ohh! [ whistles ] i can live with it. yeah, i can, too. [ male announcer ] take a cheetos break with cheetos. avocado on a subway club... now we're talking! [ male announcer ] this super-food makes a protein packed subway club super delicious. rich, creamy avocado has gotta be part of your training routine. great flavor, great protein. try avocado on any sub. [ male announcer ] like the ultimate veggie. your choice of freshly baked bread piled high with your favorite fresh veggies and power-foods spinach and avocado.

subway. the official training restaurant of laila ali... apolo ohno... michael strahan and athletes everywhere. riverside exit, i-95. variante ascari, monza. mile 7, highway 1. wehrseifen, nurburgring. the horseshoe, twin peaks boulevard. every famous curve has an equally thrilling, lesser-known counterpart. conquer them, with the lexus is performance line, featuring the is 250. real performance demands real precision. this is the pursuit of perfection. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! [ cheers and applause ] tonight -- gary oldman. rob riggle. and music from the dirty heads. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. that's great. thanks very much. thanks. how you doing? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for being here tonight. all right. for my first trick, i will be walking the dog. does anyone have a yo-yo? [ laughter ] there's a lot of commotion outside our theater here in hollywood today. maybe some of you got to see it, our old pal slash, the great guitar from guns and roses, i think he was in the wiggles for a little while. slash, got a star in front of the hollywood walk of fame, charlie sheen came and spoke. they have someone come and speak on your behalf. charlie took a stab at slash's

former band mate axel rose. he said slash got a star on the one street that axel rose will be one day sleeping in. for some reason, charlie sheen managed to find the one guy in hollywood more screwed up than he is. [ laughter ] he couldn't resist. unfortunately for slash, his hair prevents him from seeing it. that's what it is looks like to him. he'll know it's there. congratulations to the whole slash family. meanwhile, to not so happy news to the world of music. according to the posting on their website, chumbawamba broke up. [ audience ahhs. ] they got down and they're not getting up. there's nothing sadder when a band you forgot existed breaks up. in a statement, they said what we did as a band wasn't doing justice to what chum baa wam baa set out to do in the first

place. what do you think it was that they set out the do? their name was chumbawamba. whatever it was, i think they did it. i'm pretty sure. still, there's much sadness. so tonight, we sent our cameras out on the streets to give fans a chance to wish one of the great bands of 1997 a chance to wish them farewell. >> chambawamba broke up today. how do you feel? >> i don't have any feelings. i don't know who they are. >> what? >> are you a fan? >> no. >> wild guess, what's chumbawamba? >> "star wars" character? >> she's got it at the house. >> you got it? >> yeah, i saved it. >> nice. >> we're going to hearing it as soon as we get home, too. ♪

>> i get -- what's the song? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's a weird time there. [ applause ] >> jimmy: to give you a little insight, i think that was a chuck mangione song. not chumbawamba, one of our directors, his mother had sex with chuck mangione, one of the our writers decided to sing the whole song.

do you know that, guillermo do you have know who chuck mangione is? >> i have no idea. >> jimmy: has anyone read this book, called "fifty shades of grey." it's a very popular book. it's about a guy who ties a woman up and has sex with her. it's basically regis' life story. it's caused more hysteria between middle-aged women than an ann taylor sale. i didn't know people still read until this book came out. i like to carry a copy around and act like i'm reading it to make sure nobody sits next to me on the bus. by the way, if you love "fifty shades of grey," you know what else you'd love? porn. [ laughter ] apparently, a british psychology professor took time out of her not so busy schedule to come up with the lead character of the book might look like. they broke it down on the "today" show.

>> a british professor has a composite of the christian grey from "fifty shades of grey." >> we start with the hair. kind of channing tatum and brad pitt. >> then the eyes came from patrick dempsey and johnny depp. >> the face shape is that of david beckham. >> the lips, i'm sure you recognize them, they're val kilmer's lips. >> based on that sketch, who should play this guy to the movie coming to a theater probably next year? >> jimmy: well, mr. potatohead. actually, we messed with it. this is the real image they came up with. it's a weird thing because we saw that this morning. this drawing, this is the drawing they came up with. looks almost exactly like the guy who works here, our associate producer craig. put them upside by side, if you would. [ applause ] >> jimmy: isn't that weird? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: remarkable. craig, if we could carve a chest

in your chin -- can we carve a chest into your chin? >> sure, why not? >> jimmy: there is one problem with this, the lead character's name is christian grey. craig's last name is finkle. i'm not sure "fifty shades of finkle" would have sold as well. go upstairs and get my ties. we'll give the ladies a treat here. you know what i'm saying. speaking of the ladies. this is from the maury povich show. you'll never what he did yesterday, he gave an on-air paternity test. he continues to break new ground everyday. last night, a gentleman named michael was expected to be the father of his ex girlfriend's mimi's twin girls. >> i bumped into her in the club one night. she tried to tell me i'm the father of her twin kids. i was like, what? you're crazy. i waked away from her. i never see those girls. i did see pictures, maybe one of

the twins looked like me. but that's just what people say. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: which one of the identical twins do you think looked like him? the one on the left or -- michael wasn't the father of either twin. but fear not, maury will find the man, and he will not rest until he does it. donald trump is being honored next month. the sarasota republican party has announced plans to announce donald trump statesman of the year. if there's one word to call donald trump, it it would be statesman-like. the chairman of the republican party in sarasota called donald trump a wise, respectful leader. then he started cracking up. trump is scheduled to accept the award on august 26th with dinner at the ritz-carlton. for $1,000 a head, guests can meet him personally. for an extra $3,000 you can have sex with his hair. dictionary defines the word

statesman as a person who exhibits great direction or about the in dealing with important public issues. important issues. that's him in a nutshell right there. donald trump has had many statesman-like moments over the years. tonight, we're proud to present you with a few of them. this is great moments in statesmanship with donald trump. great moments in statesman ship with donald trump. >> i know izzy very well. she was at one of my weddings, unfortunately, she wiped out a whole cake. >> somebody said, oh, because i brought up the birth certificate, i'm a racist. i said, how can i be a racist? i just picked arsenio hall. >> is there a muslim problem, i said, absolutely yes. i went a step further, i said, i didn't see swedish people knocking down the world trade center. >> jimmy: why isn't he our president? doesn't anyone care about me? this is kind of interesting.

scientists discovered a molecule that they say could make our teeth cavity-proof. they call it teeth 32 because we have 32 teeth ideally. they say after 60 seconds can eliminate all the bacteria that causes cavities. it seems like the first order would be to fill a missile with this stuff and shoot it at england, right? no offense. the scientists say the molecule can be added to toothpaste, to mouth wash even candy which is great. two years from now, we'll be brushing our teeth with kit-kats. [ laughter ] this has to be bad news for dentists. without cavities, this could possibly be the end of den testry. if there are no more dentists, who are our beauty contestants going to marry? chiropractors? i don't think so. is anyone going to comic-con next week?

don't be too proud of yourself. comic-con is a big annual gathering of fans of comic books and everything that prevented me from having a girlfriend in high school. even though the convention begins on thursday, fans are camping outside of the convention center to get a good spot. i want to imagine what someone who might sleep outside of comic-con would look like because you're about to see him. >> comic-con is just two days away, already people are lining up in san diego to get inside. >> we got here yesterday at 8:00 a.m., that's how long we've been camping. >> we're all here to see the "twilight" saga. >> jimmy: well, i think that's the ugliest 16-year-old girl i've ever seen. [ applause ] thank you. one more thing. this is exciting. the great and inexplicable r. kelly has been written a book, written a memoir called solo coaster.

the diary of me. i think that says it all, right? if you're not familiar, he's the author of "freaky in the club." "sex weed." "feeling on your booty." you name it, it's beautiful songs with beautiful lyrics. it's no surprise he's written a beautiful book. here now, ladies and gentlemen, to read some of it to you t great actor and academy award winning nominee gary oldman with a passage from r. kelly's new book, soula coaster. [ applause ] >> you pac! i yelled at the top of my voice. he made a u-turn and jumped out of the car. what up, baby? [ laughter ] >> hey, just wanted to holler at

you, i said. just have to tell you that i love everything you do. hey man, said pac, coming from you, that's a heluva compliment. while the cat says that, i'll be living in different parts of the planet. but i don't see it that way, pac. i see us all coming together? do you feel me? [ laughter ] i've been feeling the same way. it's all the same, beats, words, stories. man, we need to do an album together. [ laughter ] >> i would love to. i'm talking about a whole album. a whole concept. a big-game hinging record. you got it, girls. tell me what studios and when and i'll be there. i'm gonna send you some tracks,

i said. i don't need no tracks. just need to know you want to work with me. that's enough. we'll just let it do what it do. [ laughter ] god is good. all the time, said pac. we hugged and pac went on his way. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gary oldman. thank you, gary, you really -- [ applause ] he brought pac to life even more than the hologram. we have a good show for you tonight. rob riggle is here with us. and we'll be with commissioner gordon himself, gary oldman so stick around!

[ cheers and applause ] ladies first. mmm. you know, pool's like mcdonald's spicy chicken mcbites. how so? first you gotta start off right. ♪ you gotta have some flavor... ♪ ...then you add a little something special. ♪ finally, you gotta bring the heat... ♪ ...but not too much... it has to be juuussst right. [ male announcer ] mcdonald's new spicy chicken mcbites, rack 'em up while they're hot. the simple joy of changing the game. [ male announcer ] you get in the zone long before the race. get your head right. and focus. on race day you don't leave anything to chance.

♪ get set every morning with gillette fusion proglide. engineered with our thinnest blades ever, so it glides for less tug & pull. ♪ great starts begin with gillette fusion proglide. ♪ well, that's too bad. we're on our break. maybe one of the other tellers can help you. ♪ [ chester cheetah ] on your way. [ male announcer ] take a cheetos break with cheetos.

[ male announcer ] if you want play in the same sandbox as luxury s.u.v.s, it helps to have an interior full of hand-selected wood trim and soft premium leather... and it doesn't hurt to have a selec-terrain dial that truly performs. ♪ ♪ ♪ only you ♪ ♪ only you ♪ ♪ is all i see of you my nkiva is the world's first micro-lending platform, where anybody can lend $25 or more to entrepreneurs around the world. this is the laptop we got jessica when she first went away to college. that was the beginning of the journey for me.

it's incredible to have someone tell you that your child has had such a major effect on their lives. it's hard to believe that it started with just a dream and a laptop. when the technology is right, anything can happen. vo: save $100 on a new toshiba p series laptop, backed by our perfect match promise.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, a very funny guy.

he's hosting the espys tomorrow night on espn, rob riggle is here with us tonight. and then, all the way from orange county, california with music from their new album called "cabin by the sea," the dirty heads from the bud light outdoor stage. [ applause ] tonight we're gonna clean their heads. tomorrow night we'll be joined by wanda sykes, joel kinnaman will be here, and we'll have music from serj tankian. so please join us then. it is a testament to our our first guest's versatility that he has played dracula, pontius pilate, sid vicious, and tupac with r. kelly, the bird in "kung fu panda 2." you can see him next as commissioner gordon in "the dark knight rises" which opens in theaters july 20th, please say hello to gary oldman. [ cheers and applause ] all of a sudden, i feel underdressed. you look fantastic.

>> sure >> jimmy: thank you for doing that. it makes me think that maybe the writing doesn't even matter because it was almost like shakespeare you out on that. >> no, it doesn't. i'll read anything you give he. >> jimmy: thank you. that's nice of you. well, that could be trouble, i will say that. thanks to you, i got a private screening of "the dark knight rises" last night. it was pretty much the highlight of my year, i have to admit. i was so excited, it came out great. they told me, though, i can't talk about it -- i assume i can talk about it on the show. but i can't tweet about it. i'm not allowed to dream about it. [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: do they do that with you? do they make you sign anything or -- >> well, it's obviously, there's a level of paranoia around it because we live in an age with the ber internet and blogs and all that kind of thing. >> jimmy: right.

>> i mean, it's understandable. but it was delivered to my house. but they called ahead of time -- because they wanted to know i was going to be there. i was sort of served with it. >> jimmy: with the script? >> yeah, you have to -- >> jimmy: really. >> and then after that, i would read it and i sort of would lock it away. other people didn't even -- they had to go to the office to read it. he gave out scripts without an ending because he didn't want the ending of the movie to get out. and there was a moment in -- there was a moment in pittsburgh, where we filmed part of it in pittsburgh, part of it in los angeles, part of it in new york. and i would hide it in the room in the hotel when i went out. >> jimmy: to keep from people and maids for future movies? [ laughter ] >> yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so they could have to come up with another plan. >> anyway, i put -- probably thinking about somebody else,

put it away and came back. and forgot where i put it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great. >> and i just -- i'd been in the lobby having a coffee. and i thought, oh, my god, i haven't left it on the table down there in the -- it was a white-hot panic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i would imagine. >> for about 20 minutes. i felt my career ended in pittsburgh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that you would have been thrown out of show business? >> that would be my book "it ended in pittsburgh." >> jimmy: isn't there any way to blame it on michael caine or something like that? >> no, because he's name is on the bleeping script. >> jimmy: oh, i see it. >> it's serial numbers and your name is water-marked each copy. so the number is my number, and i have "gary oldman" watermarked across the script.

actually, the scripts are red, the pages are red so you can't photocopy it. >> jimmy: you know what would be great, let's ruin it, let's give the whole thing away right now, for everyone. [ cheers and applause ] >> anyway, i put it between the mattress. i put it under the -- i shoved it in the middle of the bed in between the mattress. >> jimmy: you're going to have to come up with a whole new plan for the next movie. because everybody knows now. i would not want that responsibility. i'd make them have a guard around me to just take it when i wasn't reading or something. it seems like it would be worthwhile to do something like that. >> yeah, you have to guard the thing at all times. it's weird, though, they do the same thing with "harry potter." yet everyone's read the book. >> jimmy: right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that doesn't make any sense. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that does not make sense. how old are your kids? >> my son is 20 -- nearly 24.

>> jimmy: okay. >> and the youngest two, 13 and nearly 15. >> jimmy: so they've got to be excited about the fact that their dad is in the batman movies, right? >> they are excited. "call of duty" still gets the edge. >> jimmy: it does? [ laughter ] >> yes. but they're very excited about batman. they won't be here for the opening. they're at camp. >> jimmy: oh, they are? wow. they don't get to hang out with batman. they're at summer camp? >> yeah. and for any parent -- they shoot bb guns and bows and arrows and they water ski. and you have to sign waivers for this stuff, i mean. [ laughter ] >> you know -- bye! come back! with both eyes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hide them under the mattress. my dad was never in batman, not even the old tv show. [ laughter ]

>> what did he do for a living? >> jimmy: my dad. well, he still works. he works for ibm actually. very boring. very boring. >> would he talk about what he did? >> jimmy: he did, but we don't want him to. we wanted him to stop. please stop talking about whatever it is you do. [ laughter ] >> but you have these conversations at my house, which -- how was batman, dad? did you see batman today? no, son, i was with catwoman. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: catwoman, that worked out pretty well, i'd say. i'm worried about giving too much away. >> well, not to give anything away, anne hathaway is -- as you know, she's in this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good catwoman. >> yeah. but she is a revelation in this film. well, you've seen it. >> jimmy: yes. >> and boy -- she can time a line, huh? >> jimmy: i was a little suspect.

i thought anne hathaway seems too sweet to be catwoman, but she did do a great job. >> and she's terrific with the -- well, i can't say. >> jimmy: we can't really say anything. now, i wanted to show some photographs that we came across. this is -- it appears to be a modeling runway. and that appears to be you. [ cheers and applause ] in one of your old dracula costumes, i think. >> that's prada. >> jimmy: prada. >> milan. >> jimmy: milan. how did this happen? there you are? >> i got -- i got a phone call that came in, and they said, mrs. prada would like you to model in milan. >> jimmy: there's a mrs. prada? >> i call her mrs. prada. lucia prada. >> jimmy: i got a call from mrs. -- [ laughter ]

>> mrs. prada would like you to model in milan. >> jimmy: and you said yeah? >> yeah, i said, let me think about it. you know, i went, yeah, why not. >> jimmy: wow. and was it fun? >> it was -- that's a picture. >> jimmy: adrien brody also there. >> with clothes on. >> jimmy: yeah, he looks like -- i think my aunts had that coat. [ laughter ] he's wearing mrs. prada's actual coat. [ laughter ] he did not get lucky in that particular draw. [ applause ] now, what is the key to modeling on a runway? is there any preparation you can do for that? >> well, what i -- i mean, i just came out with my own method which is you clinch your

buttocks. [ laughter ] and you walk with a fixated purpose. >> jimmy: really? >> i can do it for you. >> jimmy: i'd love to see it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nicely done. gary oldman, everybody. we'll be right back. ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by bud light. talking about the ford summer sales event. "oh, wow." "now this would definitely be the car i would want to get." like the fusion? "we love the fusion." mileage matters? "absolutely." up to 33 miles per gallon. the sync system. you can take all the music and put it into the hard-drive. he just got a glimpse of some 21st century technology and he's flipping out. don't miss the ford summer sales event. get a fusion with 0% financing for 60 months plus $1750 cash back. now at your local ford dealer. serving up fords...with everything on them.

for their "destination wedding." double miles you can "actually" use. but with those single mile travel cards... [ bridesmaid ] blacked out... but i'm a bridesmaid. oh! "x" marks the spot she'll never sit. but i bought a dress! a toast... ...to the capital one venture card. fly any airline, any flight, anytime. double miles you can actually use. what a coincidence? what's in your wallet? [ all screaming ] watch the elbows ladies. at the peak of the season, but did you know that the strawberry... [ male announcer ] super. that's all we need to hear. the season berry and spinach salad is available for lunch and dinner. it's one of the new fresh flavors of summer, starting at just $9.99 at applebee's. see you tomorrow. [ male announcer ] know the feeling? try acuvue® oasys brand contact lenses with hydraclear® plus for exceptional comfort. it feels like it disappeared on my eye! [ male announcer ] discover why it's the brand eye doctors trust most for comfort. acuvue® oasys brand.

[ wife ] a beached whale! lawn clippings! a mattress. a sausage link. mermaid. honey!? driftwood. come on, you gotta help us out here a little. [ male announcer ] febreze eliminates odors and leaves carpets fresh. ♪ [ male announcer ] febreze. eliminates odors and leaves carpets fresh. ♪

[ female announcer ] women are strong. not strong with an asterisk. not strong "but." strong. period. degree created an antiperspirant that's just as strong. degree clinical protection. up to three times the strength of a basic antiperspirant. nothing is more effective. because strong women sweat. degree clinical protection. unapologetically strong.

what's your name, son? >> blake, sir. >> is there something you want to ask me, officer blake? >> it's about that night, this night eight years ago. the last confirmed siting of batman. the murders of those people, two s.w.a.t. teams and then. >> i'm not hearing the questions. >> don't you want to know who he was? ♪ >> i know exactly who it was, it was the batman. >> jimmy: that's right. it was the batman. gary oldman is here. [ cheers and applause ] what can you tell us about the movie?

because i certainly don't know what is okay. can you tell us anything about the plot? [ laughter ] >> well -- let me say, it's eight years on from the last one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. >> and we've cleaned up. we've -- you know, he's been busy -- gordon has been busy policing but it is ranked with cynicism and corruption, and it needs -- i guess it kind of needs a little shaking up. and there is a gentleman who arrives by the name of bane, who really does shake things up. and, of course, batman has really become a recluse. he's all be retired from it. and he's -- you know, it's drawn

back in. >> jimmy: will this be the last -- will this be the last batman movie? >> i think -- yes. yes. >> jimmy: you think it will? >> i mean, it might lay there in the drawer for a while and then perhaps the studio -- i think it must be very hard for the studio because it's such a phenomenal success. >> jimmy: they'd probably like to make a hundred of them. >> yes. [ laughter ] but i hear i think it is the last one with chris nolan. and if he comes back and makes a fourth in 3-d, i'm going to look very stupid. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's all right. i notice that you obviously, christian bale, tom hardy is bane, christopher nolan is director. all brits. >> yes. >> jimmy: batman is not a brit. batman is an american. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and right on the heels of the fourth of july, too. what makes it particularly

offensive. [ laughter ] >> yeah, well, we're just coming back. you kicked us out. we're coming back. [ laughter ] >> well, the british are coming -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not baatmon, it's batman. >> did you mention michael caine? >> jimmy: michael caine, of course. he's another one. >> they have tax incentives so they don't make movies where they should. so they make "captain america" in england. >> jimmy: yeah. the costumes were made in china. and guillermo is made in mexico. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. always a pleasure to have you here. gary oldman. we'll be right back with rob riggle. ♪

[ cheers and applause ] two bud light cruise ships are taking thousands of people in the bahamas for a two-day mudsic festival. don't miss the boetd. go to bud light port paradise for more info. here we go! mountain high ♪ ♪ rocky, rocky mountain high ♪ ♪ all my exes live in texas ♪ ♪ born on the bayou [ female announcer ] the perfect song for everywhere can be downloaded almost anywhere. ♪ i'm back, back in the new york groove ♪ [ male announcer ] the nation's largest 4g network. covering 2,000 more 4g cities and towns than verizon. rethink possible.

[ wife ] your dad's really giving him the business... the designated hitter's the best thing to happen to baseball! but it's not the same game! [ wife ] wow, he's really gonna get us a good deal. it's better! no it's not! the pitcher comes up and he's out! [ dealer ] he can bunt! whatever. but we're good with 0% apr for 60 months? oh, yeah, totally. thank you so much. that must've been brutal. [ male announcer ] the volkswagen autobahn for all event. at 0% apr for 60 months, no one needs to know how easy it was to get your new volkswagen. that's the power of german engineering. mr. parker! sir... excuse me, excuse me... can i get you to sign off on the johnson case... ♪ we built this city! don't let food hang around. ♪ on rock & roll! [ orbit trumpet plays ] clean it up with orbit! [ ding! ] fabulous! for a good clean feeling... eat. drink. chew orbit.

for a good clean feeling... you don't exactly have that green thumb.

but your siding? that's pro. finish like a pro with cabot wood stains. cabot...that's pro.

♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series sponsored by bud light. to stream on performances and other music videos go to jimmykimmellive.com. >> can't get enough kimmel? find highlights and more at abc.com. my name is jessica jackley, and i started kiva.org.

kiva is the world's first micro-lending platform, where anybody can lend $25 or more to entrepreneurs around the world. this is the laptop we got jessica when she first went away to college. that was the beginning of the journey for me. it's incredible to have someone tell you that your child has had such a major effect on their lives. it's hard to believe that it started with just a dream and a laptop. when the technology is right, anything can happen. vo: save $100 on a new toshiba p series laptop, backed by our perfect match promise. do you really think brushing is enough to keep it clean? while brushing misses germs in 75% of your mouth,

listerine cleans virtually your entire mouth. so take your oral health to a whole new level. listerine... power to your mouth. in applebee's new florentine house sirloin, we start with fresh tomatoes. look at that deep red color. that's a product of mature lycopene content, which is generated about 50 days into the growth cycle. [ male announcer ] carl, you're doing it again. i-i was gonna say it -- [ male announcer ] you're talking about tomatoes like they're your children. we love you, buddy, but you're going a little deep here. right. [ male announcer ] allow me. the florentine house sirloin is a big, delicious steak with fresh spinach and bruschetta. it's one of the new fresh flavors of summer, starting at just $9.99 at applebee's. see you tomorrow.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello there. we're back. you know our next guest from "the daily show" "the hangover" and "21 jump street" among his many projects. tomorrow night, he'll be showering our greatest athletes with awards and probably showering with them, too, as host of the espys on espn. please say hello to rob riggle. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: now, rob, as i look at you, i think this is an american. this is someone who should have been batman! >> that's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's right. >> jimmy: maybe for the next franchise, you know? >> it's a different look for a batman, but i still think it works. >> jimmy: you're from kansas, you're very proud to be from kansas.

>> i am. i love kansas. three very sharp corners and one dented one. >> that's right, that's how you recognize it. >> jimmy: we went to a usc game. >> last fall. k.u./usc game. >> jimmy: you love that kansas. >> i do love that kansas. >> jimmy: what was it like being a young rob by rigle growing up in the state of kansas? did you live on a farm? >> no, but my grandfather had a farm. >> jimmy: he did? >> yeah, and i would go down and work -- i would spend my summers on the farm. >> jimmy: that's a good thing? >> yeah, it's great. you worked. you get strong. fresh air. it was good. i used to haul hay bales. you have the little ones but then the big ones like 1,000-pound ones. i got to drive a tractor. but when you're 13, it's cool. i had all to do to push the clutch in. i remember hauling the hay bales -- i can tell this here? >> jimmy: i don't know.

where is this headed? what did grandpa do to you? [ cheers and applause ] >> you're about to find out. it gets a little weird, i'll be honest. i was hauling hay bales one day. i was on the tractor and had the big hay bales. and our neighbor's steer got into our pasture and was starting to make love to our cows. [ laughter ] okay? >> jimmy: okay. >> and my grandfather pulled up and was like stop that bull, stop that bull. apparently, this particular steer had impregnated our cow which is like a heifer or something. it would have died in child birth. we had to stop it before the consummation of this. >> jimmy: why? >> i don't know why. i was 13. i'm like okay. i jump off the tractor and there's a 5,000-pound bull

just -- you know, handling business. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you do? >> i was like "stop!" i was throwing rocks at him. i took like logs, sticks, throwing everything i could at him. [ laughter ] >> it was -- then i saw something no human should ever see. >> jimmy: what? oh, yeah. it? >> the bull dong. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, wow. wow. >> bulls don't like to be interrupted during lovemaking. nobody does, especially bulls. >> jimmy: you never know, you might be next. if you offer something up as a substitute. were you able to stop the action? >> i did. i stopped them and got back on my tractor quickly before i was harmed. >> jimmy: you could have been a ma ta doer. matador.

you are a pilot, you are a marine? how do you become a pilot? >> same grandfather, same grandfather just came to me one day and said, hey, do you want to learn thousand fly? i said, sounds great. i was 18. while i was in college i got my pilot's license. let's be honest, it was a great date package. i didn't have game in college. so being able to go up to a lady and just go, would you like to take a flight around campus tonight? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you would do that? >> absolutely. what would i do, your face looks good? this is my usual line. i like your face. can i buy you a beer? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you have a date, you'd bring it on -- did you have a plane? >> i'd rent a plane. >> jimmy: what were you a millionaire? bruce wayne. >> it was 60 bucks an hour. it was around lawrence, i would

do a local flight around kansas. >> jimmy: can you make out in a plane? >> you could. i was still pretty scared. what i used to do, i'm such a jerk. here's what i used to do. i would overplay it. i'd be like, november-7-foxtrot. this is delta-2-5. i'm left of a wind, copy. copy. i didn't even push on the microphone. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did it work? >> yeah. then i would play with the instrument panel. not doing anything. [ laughter ] >> pulling out the cash heater and stuff like that. hold on a second, babe. wait a minute, did you hear that? >> jimmy: now, you're hosting the espy awards. i did this once. i think you'll have a lot of fun. i think -- athletes are a great audience. a lot of audiences are not great audiences. but athletes love it. are you worried that any of them

will become angry at you afterwards? because sometimes that does happen. >> yeah, yeah. athletes are known for their superior physical ability. >> jimmy: they're not used to being made fun of. >> they've not been on the other end of ribbing. >> jimmy: they will grab you by the nipples and lift you into the air. are there any you're excited about meeting? >> i'm a sports junkie. maria sharapova. >> jimmy: that's a good choice. >> drew brees, i want to meet him. eli manning. just a lot of people. >> jimmy: it's great. you're going to do a great job. are you all set? still working on it? >> no, not even close. go out there and wing it pretty much. as soon as i am done with this, i'm going back to work. >> jimmy: very good. best of luck to you. we'll be watching the espy awards tomorrow night at 8:00 eastern.

we'll be right back with the dirty heads. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] when a carpet is clean and fresh, it's irresistible. experience this in your home with resolve deep clean powder. its moist powder penetrates deep, removing three times more dirt than vacuuming alone

while also neutralizing odors at their source. it's a clean you can see, smell, and really enjoy. resolve deep clean powder. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean.

not only kills fleas and ticks it repels most ticks before they can attach and snack on us. frontline plus kills but doesn't repel and a tick that isn't repelled or killed may attach and make a meal of us. [ male announcer ] ask your veterinarian about k9 advantix ii. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel concert series sponsored by bud light. >> jimmy: this is their new album called "cabin by the sea." here with the song "spread too thin," the dirty heads.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin everybody wants to know what's happenin' ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin what's the big rush now tell me why you're rushing ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin everybody wants to know what's happenin' ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin what's the big rush now tell me why you're rushing ♪ ♪ why you rushing why you rushing ♪ ♪ everybody's calling but i just need some time i just need some room to breathe again ♪ ♪ somewhere to clear my mind you don't need to be here all up in my face ♪ ♪ we need to find the right solution to put you in your place ♪ ♪ i said hey i got a lot to say to you i hear what your saying's not true ♪

♪ so this is what i'm gonna do look at me i'm gonna let you know ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin everybody wants to know what's happenin' ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin what's the big rush now tell me why you're rushing ♪ ♪ why you rushing why you rushing ♪ ♪ this has got me twisted in the worst kind of way you put me down when i'm not around and then ya ♪ ♪ and then you smile at my face you don't need a home no, what you need is a cage ♪ ♪ i bottled up all of these emotions made a monster of the rage ♪ ♪ i said hey i gotta lot to say to you seems you got something to prove ♪ ♪ so this is what i'm gonna do look at me i'm gonna tell you so ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin everybody wants to know what's

happenin' ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin what's the big rush now tell me why you're rushing ♪ ♪ why you rushing why you rushing ♪ ♪ let me breath let me chill for awhile let me breath you know it's not my style ♪ ♪ let me breath let me chill for awhile let me breath you know it's not my style ♪ ♪ i said hey i got a lot to say to you i hear what you're saying's not true♪ ♪ so this is what i'm gonna do look at me i'm gonna let you know ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin everybody wants to know what's happenin' ♪ ♪ i'm spread way too thin what's the big rush now tell me why you're rushing ♪ ♪ why you rushing why you rushing ♪ [ cheers and applause ]