tomorrow, those features speaker is paul ryan, mitt romney's running mate. when he takes the stage it will be a lot of pride in the lollapalooza generation. >> reporter: two well-groomed white guys. at first glance, about as cutting edge as a j. crew catalog. >> welcome. >> reporter: mitt romney, first mormon ever nominated, paul ryan, first person from generation x ever to be on a major party ticket. >> that's a good thing! ♪ >> reporter: ryan is squarely in the age bracket who know where they were when kurt cobain committed suicide ♪ any day now

>> reporter: weren't even alive for jfk or rfk. on his facebook page ryan lists nirvana as his favorite band, as well as metallica. or rage against the machine. apparently, the feeling is not mutual. in "rolling stone" the lead guitarist tom morello said ryan is the embodiment of the machine. >> i don't think he's the machine. >> reporter: hanging at the lounge in tampa, he seems to be the gen-xer. the guy guy cow bring home to mom. >> the guy was homecoming king, right? you don't get to be a homecoming king unless you're a cool guy.

i don't understand why everyone thinks he's a dork because he's into the economy. >> reporter: ryan with the majority of his 2 million likes of from baby boomers not gen-xers. in a real way, ryan's gen-x policy, specifically his call for entitlement reform. is this a generation that doesn't believe social security and micare will still be around when they retire. >> i mean, i'm define. a lot of my friends are now employed -- they're working jobs to educate, moving in with their parents. >> more parents live at home with their parents today than the 1950s. we have more people unemployed since the government kept track in the 1980s. this generation can do better. >> reporter: to them, paul ryan

gen-xer is no joke. i'm david wright in tampa. >> thank you, david. jimmy kimmel is up next. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> they said american women with their own country they finished fifth overall in medal points. they said if michael phelps was its own country, marijuana would be legal there. >> dicky: david duchovny. >> why do we have garbagemen when we could just have goats?íú

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- david duchovny, comedian jeff ross, and music from alabama shakes with cleto and the cletones. and now, places, everybody, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome. that's very nice. very nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for watching. thanks for coming out to join

us. on this hot and steamy summer night. it's good to be back. you know, we're on vacation for two weeks, while i was over in london to compete in the olympics which i did not, not only didn't i win, they didn't even let me on the field. did you know you have to qualify to be in the olympics? [ laughter ] totally racist. it really is. looking back, this particular olympics i think was the greatest two-week long ad for a sitcom with a monkey in it possibly in the history of mankind. athletes of the united states did very well. more medals than any country. 104 total. 46 in gold. females did particularly well. they said if american women were its own country they would finish fifth overall. they said if michael phelps was his own country, marijuana would be legal there. [ applause ] so congratulations to all the olympic medal winners/future

"dancing with the stars" contestants. did you watch the closing ceremony last night? there were a number of strange things that occurred at the closing ceremony. winston churchill popped out of big ben and read shakespeare. at one point, a car blew up and batman and robin jumped out. and yet the athletes are the ones tested for drugs. it might be time for force the producers to pee in a cup for a change. the big excitement was for the spice girls reunion. ryan seacrest announced in his most serious olympic announcer voice this was the first spice girls reunion since their reunion in 2008. [ laughter ] we got to see history made. the spice girls seem to have fun being on stage again. there was a scary moment when one of the decathletes tried to

take victoria beckham as a javelin and throw her. they were fired up and that included the mayor of london. ♪ hot hot [ applause ] >> jimmy: english people are very white. even their black people are white in england. [ laughter ] i feel like they make the closing ceremony intentionally over the top, bad and weird just so everyone gets the hint they need to leave to go home. [ laughter ] here in the united states, this olympics was the most watched event in television history, 219 million people tuned in. i guess we love watching estonian women dance around waving a ribbon. i bet the ratings would have been even higher if they combined the olympics with shark week. it's shark week this week.

how much better would the swimming events be if there was a shark in the pool? [ applause ] forget the time. ryan lochte versus a starving 900-pound hammerhead. something to think about for 26 feet. it's been very hot here this week, hasn't it? either that or i'm going through menopause. but it's terrible. it's 108 in woodland hills. it seems hotter than that. i don't know if it's the humidity or what it is. very unpleasant. i was forced to drink water this morning, yuck. the national weather service issued an extreme heat warning this afternoon, just in case you didn't know it was hot. so thank you to them. you know, we all get together and open our refrigerators, we could beat this thing. this intense heat has been going on for about a week now. we've been roasting in the sun and quite frankly, i'm sick of it. i asked one of our guests tonight, jeffrey ross, noted

insult comedian, to go out in front of the theater and roast the sun back. >> hey, sun, you've been roasting us so we're going to roast you. you're such an ego maniac, you think the whole world revolves around you. you flare up more than rush limbaugh's hemorrhoids. you're too cocky, son. we're out here sweating like john travolta on a massage table. i love you, sun. but i think i speak for everybody when i say so spf yourself. yeah! [ applause ] >> jimmy: hold on a second. hold on. the sun has been roasting us. so what we did, we turned the tables on it. oh, okay, you understood that? guillermo, you understood that the first time? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: on saturday, mitt romney selected congressman paul ryan to be his running mate. it was a bold choice for romney

adding a human to the ticket. 43% of americans have never heard of him and the other 50% thought he was the guy tom hanks brought back from normandy. look at that, you can open a can of beans with that. let's go back. there you go, they kind of look like a father and son in an ad for super cuts, don't they? it looks like they can borrow each other's clothes. they're two handsome devils. as a matter of fact, if you search paul ryan on google. the fourth phrase that comes up after budget is paul ryan shirtless. this is why i love america, the man is nominated to lead our country, one of our first thoughts are, i wonder what his nipples look like? romney made the official announcement in virginia atop the "uss wisconsin."

he made a slipup when he called paul ryan to the stage. >> join me in welcoming the next president of the united states, paul ryan. >> jimmy: i'm not sure, but i think mitt romney just fired himself. [ laughter ] hey -- thank you. see, the sun has been roasting us. and we just gave it right back. you know, there's an important new reality show i want to alert you to. it premiered last week on tlc. tlc used to be the learning channel. now, it is the opposite of that. the show is called "here comes honey boo-boo." it's a spinoff of "toddlers and tiaras." a 6-year-old pageant queen named alana, her nickname is "honey boo-boo child." and in the premiere last week, the ladies of the house decided

to go on a diet together. to get that started, mom june weighed herself on an unfortunate bathroom scale. >> y'all ready? y'all ready? don't say enough. >> oh! >> my momma weighs the most in my family because she's fat. >> jimmy: well, there is a certain logic to that, i guess. [ laughter ] so, welcome, honey boo-boo child, to a land of snookis and kardashians. hey, this is good. this is one of those rare cases when a story goes from tragic right to hilarious in a second. swimmers in williamsport, pennsylvania, happen upon what appear to be a dead body floating in the river. that's the tragic part. but then something amazing happens. >> visitors at a pennsylvania river spotted what they thought was a dead body floating in the water. police and even the coroner were

called but then the floating man stunned everyone when he got up. turns out he fell asleep. >> i was out like a leaf, but it was comfortable. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: one more thing is, do any of you play the game "draw something?" are you familiar with this? it's ipad, it's very addictive. they give you a word or phrase, you draw with a finger, then you play with a person online. and they have to guess what you drew. we like it so much, we came up with our own version called "celebrity draw something." now, the producers here at the show ask the celebrity to draw a portrait of him or herself. i do not know who the celebrity we're going to watch the drawing happen -- you know how the game work, you watch the drawing happen in realtime and then you guys will hopefully help me try to guess who it is. the last time, we were unsuccessful, kristen bell was the answer and it looked like abraham lincoln or something.

if we need help -- guillermo, do you have clues to help us out? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: where are the clues? >> guillermo: well, i have to see it. >> jimmy: wait a minute, do you know who it is? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: do you have clues written down? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: so how are we going to get the clues? you're just going to make them up? >> guillermo: no, i'm not sure who it is, but i'm going to see it. >> jimmy: all right. you guys ready? [ applause ] >> jimmy: begin the drawing. and let's see. what do we have here? all right. we've got a homer simpson head. oh, looks like a bell. like the paul frank monkey kind of, right? i see a lot of freckles. it can't be a human, can it? all right. this does look like a monkey with a mustache. and dreadlocks? a monkey with a mustache and dreadlocks.

this is supposed to be a person that was on the show? okay. guillermo, can we get a clue, please? >> guillermo: big mustache. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, we saw the mustache. but give me another clue. >> guillermo: big head. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. a big mustache and a big head. okay. oh, maybe, it's supposed to be a bald guy? do we have any -- has anyone -- does anyone have any idea as to who it might be? tom selleck? how is that tom selleck? if it is, something terrible has happened to tom selleck. hmm. ron howard? no, no, he doesn't have a mustache. ron howard's brother, clint howard. that seems unlikely. huh?

i don't know what you're talking about. [ laughter ] all right. well, let's see -- guillermo, can we have one more clue? >> guillermo: big eyes. >> jimmy: you've been very helpful. thank you. let's see who the celebrity is. and the celebrity is -- >> dr. phil. >> jimmy: dr. phil, how did you know i was going to get it wrong? thank you, dr. phil. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, the roast master general jeffrey ross is here. we have music from alabama shakes. we'll be back with david duchovny, so stick around. ♪

alright, you ready kevin? and... flip! whoa! did you get that? yep, look at this. it takes like 20 pictures at a time. i never miss anything. isn't that awesome? uh that's really cool. you should upload these. i know, right? that is really amazing. pictures are so clear. kevin's a handsome devil. that phone does everything! search dog tricks. okay, see if we can teach him something cool. look at how lazy kevin is. kevin, get it together dude. cmon, kevin. vo: take 20 pictures with burst shot on the galaxy s3. ♪[music plays]♪ ♪[music plays] ♪[music plays]

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try new crest pro-health clinical rinse. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, a very funny man with a new show called "the burn with jeff ross," it premieres tomorrow night at 10:30 on comedy central, jeff ross is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then, a terrific band with music from this album "boys & girls," alabama shakes from the bud light stage. [ cheers and applause ] you'll like them. so stick around for them. tomorrow night on the show, joseph gordon-levitt will be here from the movie "bachelorette." rebel wilson, and our musical guest is good old war. and later this week, jennifer garner, paul scheer, thomas haden church, chef rick bayless, and we'll have music from j-jamz and the fixx. so join us for those. oh, and i want to tell you, we have very big news. congratulations to our band leader cleto and his wife lori

who had a baby boy over the break. there he is. [ applause ] that's his actual head. [ laughter ] his name is cleto valentine escobedo iv. congratulations to cleto senior, his grandfather, as well. he's got to have a number 5, right, his nickname -- >> cleto: cruz. >> jimmy: and when he gets drunk, his friends will call him booze cruz, i love it. congratulations. our first guest has encountered ufos, efps, stds, you name it. his new role is as the bearded pot-smoking goat man in the new

movie "goats. please welcome david duchovny. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i have to say, i heard you had a birthday a few years ago. >> i did. >> jimmy: you turned 52 years old. [ applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: it actually made me feel good, because sometimes i start to think, not that i'm going to look like you when i'm 52, sometimes, i think, yeah, i'm getting old. i'm old. then i look at you, and i go, wow, he's 52, he looked fantastic. >> i don't know how to react to that. [ laughter ] >> maybe, you're welcome. i don't know. >> jimmy: what did you do for your birthday? >> well, i was working. i was working and my kids were here. and they came to -- they brought me a cake. >> jimmy: how old are your kids? >> 10 and 13. and they brought me a carvel

cake, you know what that is? it's great because it's their favorite. i had to cut it, i don't think michelangelo could cut it. >> jimmy: for some reason, the carvel ice cream cake is -- you have to saw it apart and even the flying saucer is way too hard. >> you need a power tool. >> jimmy: you don't like carvel, though? >> no, no, it's okay. i love the whole idea of carvel because i grew up in new york. carvel is like -- they have local ads. you probably don't remember them at all. tom carvel would -- he had a voice like this -- for some reason, he called his ice cream "the product." [ laughter ] >> it wasn't like, look at that ice cream. it was like look at that product. we've got a fantastic product and they only had one mold, remember? >> jimmy: yeah. >> they would rotate it for different shapes. fudgy the whale. who knows why, a whale, for father's day, a whale of a dad, why?

>> jimmy: if you get to eat that much ice cream, you should be a whale. >> and then turn it this way and -- no, you turn it this way, and the beard is santa's beard and the little tail is the hat. and then you turned it this way, and it was abraham lincoln with the beard and the hat. and they only had one mold. >> jimmy: it was like an easter egg. around january, it becomes a football for super bowl parties. >> and cookie puss. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then for st. paddy's day it was the exact same thing. they put green on it and called it cookie 0 'puss. i remember mickey mantle and whitey ford doing ads for them. >> jimmy: really? i don't remember that. >> it seems like an obsession, it's not, really. i wanted an ad, i couldn't get the whitey ford.

the mickey mantle because they wouldn't release it. i did get an ad where a guy was talking about his product for halloween. and it just cracked me up. and it still cracks me up when i think about it. because they said, tom carvel is interviewing this local owner. tom carvel gave him the carvel name. he said what have you got for halloween? he goes, well, i have a pumperkin. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i took a field trip as a cub scout. the one field trip ever as a cub scout. we walked from the lady's house where we had the meeting. to carvel. they showed us the machines. not at anytime did they ever give us ice cream. we got no ice cream. >> you want that product, you got to pay for that product. >> jimmy: it was a comic book about carvel.

we have this carvel joke, which i will share it with you if you like, it's very quick. >> jimmy: it's a little poopy. i'm pooping right now. fudgy the whale. >> did i ruin the joke? look at that product. you should know that it's soft serve ice cream. >> jimmy: it is. >> how does tom carvel take a dump? >> jimmy: i don't know. [ laughter ] nicely done. [ applause ] >> that's the product. my mother is going to be so proud. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what does your mother say -- does your mother watch "californication?" >> oh, i don't think so. >> jimmy: oh, she doesn't? >> no.

>> jimmy: has she had that exrience where she learned not to watch it? >> yeah, i was doing a movie called "the rapture." i was naked in that and i got killed. it traumatized her. it was one of my first and i was proud of it, and i wanted her to go see it. and it didn't occur to me that maybe it's not cool for a parent to go see your son murdered. from then on, i said, how did you like the movie? she said, no, no, it's fine. i can't go see you if you get naked or you get killed. i don't know which is first in her mind. >> jimmy: i would think killed is probably first. >> i think it's naked. >> jimmy: you do? she's certainly seen you naked before. many times. >> it's different in a movie theater with a bunch of other people seeing your boy naked. >> jimmy: what about your kids, do they -- >> no, no, they don't watch that. i'm going to put it in a time capsule. when i'm dead, it's going to be in my will, now you can watch "californication."

>> jimmy: that will be great for them, i'm sure. >> this is how you went through college. >> jimmy: are they allowed on the set? >> yeah, it's not that way all the time. actually pretty rarely. but the images that it's that way all the time. really it's fudgy the whale and carvel most of the time. >> jimmy: i'm trying to remember my dad in that situation and i'm not able to -- well, i mean, i know your dad has passed away. but is that something that you could even formulate in your head? >> oh, me having a child and going to reverse that. >> jimmy: him doing what you often do on "californication" where you're laying on a bed -- >> i think it would be great if my dad showed up and watched devin have sex with somebody. >> jimmy: yeah, that would be great for everybody. you have this movie called "goats." we'll come right back and talk about that. ♪

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so, tell me about the next goat trip you're planning? >> it's still in the works. i'll be taking it up to higher elevations.

black and tan male with the horns, lance? >> lance, that's it. >> he bothers me when i'm reading my paper by the pool. >> if goats don't fart their intestines will explode. >> i highly doubt it. >> i saw a baby goat inside out. >> gross. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's david duchovny, the movie is called "goats." you're a goats guy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: kind of a coming of age thing? >> yeah, i'm a mentor of this kid. he's grown up with me in the pool house where i take care of the pool and in the garden i grow cannabis and i herd goats. that's what i do. he's going away to the east coast prep school and he's kind of torn between the west coast tucson family in which i'm the mentor there.

his dad is played by ty burrell on the east coast. it's a nice coming of age story and it has some funny people butting heads. >> jimmy: and you do an incredible goat noise. >> i do. i was so excited when i got the script. i've been doing a goat noise since high school. [ laughter ] and finally, i could use my talent. [ laughter ] this movie was made for anyone that went to collegiate high school, which is where i went. and we used this noise as -- >> jimmy: this is a thing that you guys would all do? >> we'd all do it. it was to let somebody know that they were being stupid. it was a sarcastic sound. >> jimmy: i see. >> you can think of anything to say that would be patently obvious? >> jimmy: you mean more than i already have? [ laughter ] >> maybe, it's something about the sun roasting. >> jimmy: hey, i don't know if you saw it earlier, but we really roasted the sun. >> hey! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that really what

goats sound like? >> no, it was like -- [ goat sound ] so, it was like, oh, god, if it stops raining, we'll be able to go outside. [ goat sound ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how did the goats react when you did that? did they understand you? >> it was clear i was saying something in goat language, but i don't think it was what i thought i was saying. >> jimmy: will goats really eat anything? >> they will eat anything as long as they're not on camera when they're supposed to be. >> jimmy: you didn't enjoy working with them? >> no, they're kind of neutral. they're not dogs and they're not lions either. somewhere in the middle. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did they eat things they weren't supposed to? >> they'll chew on stuff. if you're not paying attention, if you have anything hanging out of your clothes. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i don't see anything. >> jimmy: like that lapel they might go for? >> they might.

especially if it had a letter on the seam and there's glue that you lick, a closed letter. they like that. >> jimmy: why do we even have garbage men when we could just have goats sitting outside of the house? [ goat sound ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with jeffrey ross. ♪ it's here, the bud light paradise music festival. two cruise ships are taking folks to the bahamas islands for a two-day music festival. don't miss the boat. go to bud light sport paradise for more info. ft gate... technology that can recognize your voice, and the best highway fuel efficiency in its class, up to 33 mpg.

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♪ ,,,,,, we're at walmart with anne and her daughter.

they shop for all their groceries right here, but let me ask you, do you think of walmart when you think of phones? no. no. let's see if we can change that. okay. i mean, look at these smart phones! oh wow! cool! yeah. will you tell them how cool it is? this is the htc evo 4g lte on sprint's super fast network. really? with sprint? yup. cool! well she loves her new phone and you love the price. yup. come to walmart and see for yourself. the only network with truly unlimited data. and now find the htc evo 4g lte

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♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome back to the show. our next guest is probably not the guy you'd want to deliver your eulogy, especially if you're still alive. last night, he roasted roseanne

and his new show, "the burn with jeff ross" premieres at 10:30 tomorrow night on comedy central, please say hello to the roastmaster general, jeffrey ross. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you came in the wrong door. they missed you when you -- >> i'm having fun. [ laughter ] >> what door did i come out? >> jimmy: you're in the wrong place. are you high right now, what's going on? >> a little bit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were very funny last night on the roast of roseanne on comedy central. >> thank you. so much fun. i never roasted a pig before. [ laughter ] >> she can handle it. she's a good sport.

>> jimmy: that's the great thing about this roast, i noticed, because you made a lot of fat jokes about roseanne and yet you are fatter than she is. [ laughter ] >> you know, roseanne lives in hawaii right now. if you don't know where hawaii is, it's just off the coast of roseanne. >> jimmy: did things get cut out of the show? >> we're going to have the roast at the staples center. of course, i'm talking about the inside of roseanne's stomach. >> jimmy: she didn't have any problem with the jokes? >> she loved it. i got -- >> jimmy: tom weird showed up. >> that was weird. >> jimmy: he was funny. it was kind of weird in a way. it was like one of the most real moments i think i've ever seen on any of these roasts.

>> you saw him trembling a little and her fidgeting in her seat. >> jimmy: he's always trembling. just in fairness. >> he's hyper. people say he's not a good actor. he had sex with roseanne with his eyes open. he should win an oscar, tom arnold. >> jimmy: he did a really good job. that was a strange thing. it was kind of touching in a way. they hadn't seen each other for 18 years. all of a sudden, there they are. and roast is a crazy atmosphere. i mean, it really is as close to a fist fight as comedians get, right? >> they've gotten rowdier, and rowdier. it's like america's new national pastime, it's like nascar, football and roasting. >> jimmy: and comedy central was wisely against the closing ceremonies of the olympics last night. you have your own show called "the burn with jeff ross." it's not a workout video. >> twitter said, the only thing

i should be burning is calories. >> jimmy: you don't mind when people say stuff like that about you? >> i like it. because it diverts from how ugly i am. >> jimmy: you can't beat that when he says that about himself. that's not a good sign when you say that and people actually go, oh. >> you know how long i had to sleep to get my hair like this? >> jimmy: how long? >> i told the barber, i look like kadafi's nephew. >> jimmy: when was the last time you had a haircut? >> 1982. >> jimmy: you look like a character from fragilerock now. [ laughter ] >> the last thing your beloved uncle frank said to me was, jeff, lose some weight and get a haircut. and if i got a haircut i'd probably lose ten pounds. >> jimmy: this is how you showed up dressed at the roast. [ laughter ] now, people are groaning but

you're joe paterno there. or the ghost of joe paterno. now, you know joe paterno wasn't the guy with the little boys, right? >> hey, the "p" stands for people who can take a joke. >> jimmy: people did get upset at some of the jokes. >> there's a lot of joe pa fans out there. but i believe comedians have a responsibility to shine a light on the dark side of the society. and i was going for it. >> jimmy: yes. plus, what the hell, it's funny, it's a roast. >> exactly. i thought roseanne represents unapologetic comedy. i wanted to go for it. i would have done a disservice. i let her boyfriend go soft on her. i'm not going soft on her. >> jimmy: some people like ellen barkin. last night, you killed her. it was terrible. >> i think barken was the first thing she said when she was born. ruf. >> jimmy: it was bad. and then when she's sitting

there, it makes it bad and then also worse. >> she wanted to have sex with me after the show. >> jimmy: oh, she did? and you didn't? >> i didn't. >> jimmy: why not? >> i don't know -- maybe i did. >> jimmy: you have to look back over your files. >> and carrie fisher was hilarious. >> jimmy: carrie fisher was very funny, yeah. it seemed like, though, she didn't know what she was getting into when she sat down at that roast. >> she was very wasted. >> jimmy: she was. >> we all remember her as princess leia of "star wars." that was 40 years or something. i said to carrie fisher, you look like the force is very strong with you. the force of gravity. she's eating a bun from the side of her head i think. it was weird. we didn't take a commercial, we had a men-opause. [ laughter ] it was furnishings man. we've got to get you back at these roasts, jimmy. you kill me.

>> jimmy: every once in a while, i have to have a relationship with the person. now, tell me about the new show. who are you roasting on this show? >> people, places and things who we all love. i go out and roast meter maids, bouncers. no, we don't love them. i have one bit where i don't like to ambush people. but i go out on this roaster coaster which basically is a segway with a clip board on front. i went out to meter maids. >> jimmy: let's take a look at the clip. >> we're taking the streets back, baldy. write something useful like a suicide note. how do i back up. i'm just doing my job. i'm just doing mine, too. feel the burn, buddy. you're tough on people, man. >> i've got to be. we have a quota. >> a quota? >> yeah. >> what do you mean, so many tickets to black people, mexicans?

>> really? >> yeah. do you have a girlfriend? >> no. >> maybe because you're a meter maid. [ laughter ] >> you can run, but you can't hide, meter boy. [ applause ] >> fun, man. >> jimmy: yeah. >> roasting doesn't have to be celebrities. i can roast anybody, you know. >> jimmy: what about people who pass away? will you be making fun of them? >> there's a segment on the show, every week, we pay homage to somebody who dies that week. it's called "too soon." the first week, sally ride died. do you know who she is? the first female astronaut. shes what the first astronaut ever have been weightless. >> jimmy: hopefully, every week, you'll have somebody die, right? >> hopefully, somebody will die every week. >> jimmy: what if they don't?

will you actually kill them? what are you going to do? >> i think people will kill themselves for publicity. >> jimmy: you know, what's her name died, helen gurley brown, the "cosmo" editor. is that something that should be big enough to roast her? >> she'd be good. yeah. the survey, yeah. what else in "cosmo." >> jimmy: the sex tips. >> yeah, how to have sex when you're 97 years old. we had steve jobs for the first episode in the pilot which is a lucky break. people don't normally make fun of steve jobs. in his funeral, they made this elaborate tribute video to play, but it didn't work because you needed flash. >> jimmy: that's not that bad. trust me it will be worse, right? >> they put him in a beautiful coffin and then they paid extra for a plastic case to protect it from scratching. >> jimmy: "the burn with jeff ross" tomorrow.

premieres on comedy central at 10:00 p.m. we'll be right back with alabama shakes. [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] with ultra-filtered water

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♪ well i've been going through the motions wonder if anyone can see ♪ ♪ that i been looking for something have you been looking for me ♪ ♪ i ain't the same no more in fact i have changed ♪ ♪ from before no you ain't gonna find me oh no ♪ ♪ cause i'm not who i used to be well i used to be a little girl ♪