you check in for "good morning america." jimmy kimmel is coming up neck, see you later. is . up next on an all new "jimmy kimmel live," simon cowell and britney spears. >> i like working with loony people. >> i'm great then. >> actually apple did unveil the apple iphone 5 today. i thought i of a great invention. the iphone 6. . we asked britney the same

>> guillermo: i am so excited about showering with my new delta h20 kinetic shower-head. ayour honorh!!!! who are you? >> eli: i'm the delta elf! >> guillermo: why are you here? >> eli: turn on the shower and i'll show you! >> guillermo: ok. ♪ the delta h2okinetic shower-head the delta h2okinetic shower-head ♪ ♪ prepare yourself for the feeling the feeling of more water cos h2okinetic technology ♪ ♪ shapes water into

a unique wave pattern giving you the feeling the feeling of more water ♪ ♪ without even using more water that's delta delta, baby ♪ >> the h2okinetic shower-head provides better coverage and bigger droplets! ♪ see what delta can do >> guillermo: hey delta elf, can you soap my back? >> eli: gotta go! >> announcer: prepare yourself for the feeling of more water with a delta h2okinetic shower-head. see what delta can do. "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with simon cowell, britney spears, and music from slightly stoopid. ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] prepare yourself for the feeling of more water

without using more water. with the unique wave pattern of delta h2okinetic technology. another way delta is more than just a shower. see what delta can do. for just 20 bucks. only the best dishes make the menu. it's a southwest showdown. the chefs are coming out choppin'! you can taste the tension in the room! this is really distracting. [ berman ] they're throwing everything at each other -- chipotle, chopped cilantro! do you always do this? i just can't turn it off. must be exhausting. [ berman ] new southwest entrees, part of applebee's 2 for $20 lineup. perfect for game day or every day. see you tomorrow. and see you late night for half-priced apps. for their "destination wedding." double miles you can "actually" use. but with those single mile travel cards... [ bridesmaid ] blacked out... but i'm a bridesmaid. oh! "x" marks the spot she'll never sit. but i bought a dress! a toast...

...to the capital one venture card. fly any airline, any flight, anytime. double miles you can actually use. what a coincidence? what's in your wallet? [ all screaming ] watch the elbows ladies. >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight simon cowell and britney spears. plus music from slightly stoopid. with cleto and the cletones.

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for your enthusiasm. i'm purelled and ready to go. just out of cure asiiosity, how of you have iphones? wow. well they're garbage now. apple made a top secret

announcement event today. everyone was hoping for a big surprise. that is exactly what they got. >> thank you for coming. i know you're all expecting a big announcement about the iphone. i do have a big announcement. there will be no iphone 5 and no more new iphones ever. the one we have now is plenty good enough. thank you. >> jimmy: all right. that's good. he's right. actually apple did autopsy veil the iphone 5 today. oh, my god, i thought of a great invention, the iphone 6. somebody write -- guillermo will you write that down? apparently this time it blends functionality with design. the screen is slightly bigger and has aa-6 processor chip which is either good or bad. i don't know what that is. the component is thinner,

supports 4g data and best of all you can have sex with it. and here's another thing that will amaze you. you don't even have to order the iphone five. apple has selected so much information about you it knows you want it. it's coming to your house. it's funny how people react. some people get mad. why create another product i have to have. those bastards. it's like the new iphone ruins the last iphone. we told people to check out the iphone 5. in reality they were looking at the current iphone 4s which everyone has. here's thousand experiment came out. >> the new iphone 5 came out and tell us if you want to look tat and tell us how it compares to

the latest iphone. >> it's better. >> it's thinner, looks like the screen is bigger. >> seems faster. >> yeah, faster and lighter. >> feels heavier? >> i think so. >> a lot lighter than the last one. a lot faster as well. >> mine takes forever. >> this is faster? >> yes, definitely faster. right on. >> it looks very nice, very updated. >> oh, my god. feels a lot nicer, higher quality. it looks like it's not going to break like this one has a million times. >> colors are brighter. >> it has video front and back. that's cool. that doesn't have that. >> you like it better than the last one? >> yeah, i have the 4 s. i'm always open for a new phone. [ cheers and applause ] >> in other technology news, the

company, fujitsu, and japan created a robot they hope can enter a university. researchers hope by 2021 they develop an artificial robot brain to answer math question. in america we're developing something opposite of that called the honey boo-boo child. you are aware? why does japan need a robot that can pass tests. the whole country is filled with asian kids. it seems redundant to me. by the way we're ahead of japan. american researchers created a robot smart enough to be president of the united states. that's him. see, because he lacks expression. yeah. we have some very special guests

on the show tonight their names are simon cowell and britney spears. "the x factor" premiered tonight on fox. there's rumors simon will hire khloe kardashian to be the coast of the show. that's not happening not on my watch.ar a watch. but it's not happening if i did. and we'll play the newlywed game with simon and britney to she how much they know about each other. are you familiar with the restaurant mcdone old's they've announced starting next week they'll post calorie counts for all their menu items on the menu. i feel people see those numbers and think it's a contest for whoever eats the most calories wins nine-piece mcnuggets or something like that.

mcdonalds say they're doing it so customers can make health conscious decisions when they eat. they are eating mcdonald's. how health conscious could they be. the mayor of their town has a cheeseburger for a face. at that point. you throw health conscious out of the window. whatever i eat, i plea go to playland and work offer two, three flurries at a time. those of you who watched olympics remember ryan lochte. good looking kid. he's looking to parley his acti acting success. a reporter asked him about that in new york. after watches this, i think you have to agree we have to get this man on television as much as possible. you've been doing tv appearance, "90210," "30 rock." are you going to do some acting?

>> if it comes my way. foreand foremost. if it comes my way -- >> somebody's swim cap is on too tight. there's been dangerous conditions in the united states. the mgm hotel, i grew up in las vegas there's not that much drainage there. the floodwaters were high. they were lining magicians and prostitutes up two by two. that's cirque du soleil, the rain came down and washed all of the makeup off the blue man group. if only there was indoor entertainment in las vegas they would be fine. the tanning mom is back in the news. are you familiar with the creature. her name is patricia krentcil. earlier this year she was accused of taking her daughter

in a tanning booth. but she said she has not tanned in six months. if she's not the tanning mom what do we call her? the bad mom? patricia said she how silly tanning was. she said someone mistook her as a slim jim. she discussed among other things an embarrassing fall at a night club event. >> you had a head injury when you were younger that affects your speech. was that the reason you fell over on the red carpet at the manhattan club? >> i fall everywhere. >> there were people that accuse you of buying druggen appearance at a drag show. >> they're funny. number, amount, no, and "b," yes, from the place in my head, someone who hurt me is why my

equilibrium is low because i don't eat meat and stuff like that. i go to bed at 8:30 and the show didn't start until 10:00. that was way out over my limits. >> isn't it a fashion don't to wear leather on leather? by the way we shouldn't allow people like that to go on television overseas. it hurts our image. this is homecoming at seminal high school friday and a streaker got on the field. this happens a lot at homecoming. the guy wore a spider ma-man -- wore a mask so he won't be recognized. the school security guards started chasing him. that's risky, when you're a man you need to clear the fence. he got over the second fence then there's a get-away car waiting for him. i hope there's a get - away car.

[ cheers and applause ] >> i assume it was a get-away car, could have been a very surprised motorist. ? chicago the citywide teachers strike conditioned monday. 26,000 teachers walked off the job leaving students very happy. kids need education. as public service we invited the brightest people we know. maybe you met them out on the street to share their wisdom with kids from chicago who might be up late tonight and our subject this evening is the solar system. >> planet, marses. jupiter, pluto, mercury, saturn, venus, you auranius, and there

the planets. >> forgot earth. he has a mind like a sponge, that bob. >> and fashion week is under way in new york city. fashion week is the week during which all of the top designers unveil new collections. some of the clothes are okay but most of them i can't imagine anyone wearing. they come up with crazy stuff. tonight i would get my aunt chippy to give her take on the clothing. tonight she gives her review of some of the hot new styles at fashion week. >> hi, it's aunt chippy and it's fashion week. roll it! all right. feather lady. it's nothing i'm going wear. >> keep going. >> where do they get these athletes from. i don't know why anyone would wear a [ bleep ] trumpet on

their head with piano' keyes at a fashion show. next, i can't scribe how [ bleep ] this guy is. he looks i like a frick b pot with potholders on the show. i don't know if it's a girl. this ain't it. nobody, even -- no within would [ bleep ] wear three pairs of glasses. i know a lot of [ bleep ] and i've never seen them with glasses. >> oh, guess what we want to see, somebody's vagina. i don't look at my own vagina. cover up your vagina and go home to your mother. >> thank you, aunt chippy. coming up we have music from slightly stoopid.

and we'll be right back with simon cowell and britney spears. so stick around. sfx: doorbell i'm here to snake the drain. i'm here to flush the pipe. vo: liquid plumr double impact has a long snake that reaches deep in the pipe to grab the toughest clogs, and a powerful gel to finish off the rest. baby. liquid plumr double impact.

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hello, welcome back. we have some show. later on with music from their new record called "top of the world" slightly stoopid from the bud light outdoor stage. we've got a good line up for you tomorrow as well. they're so high it's ryk re-dick louse. we have a good lineup tool night. terry bradshaw will be here, as will dave matthews, and we're going to have music from dave matthews band. so join us then too. and we're doing something fun for those of you who want to come see our show live in brooklyn next month. from october 29th through november 2nd. we'll be broadcasting from the

brooklyn academy of music. we want you to be there. we don't want the tickets to fall into the wrong hands. so if you want to come send guillermo an e-mail telling him why you want to come. include lots of specifics. guillermo is a "details" kind of guy. include your name and contact information so we can get in touch with you. at ticklemeguillermo.com. crude your name and information and whatever else you want to share with us. all the details are on our website jimmykimmellive.com on the surface our first two guests might have very little in common outside of a fondness for skin-tight garments. but they've come together to form one-half of a judicial quartet dedicated to protecting this country from those unfit to sing in public places watch them on a new season of the x-factor,

wednesday and thursday nights at 8 on fox please welcome simon cowell and britney spears. [ cheers and applause ] how are you guys doing? >> what a power couple we have here. [ cheers and applause ] >> simon, you don't have buttons

on your shirt. >> simon, what do you think of her outfit? >> is there any sexual attraction between you? >> be honest. >> you got to remember, brittany is engaged. >> jimmy: that's right. congratulations you're engaged. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: do you know when you're getting married. is that a secret or something? >> excuse me? >> jimmy: is it a secret? >> probably. >> jimmy: smash the walls down and ruin everything for you. isn't it fun to be popular? >> so much fun. >> jimmy: by the way i watched the show tonight i thought it was fantastic. britney, you were a tough judge, much tougher than i imagined you would be. there's some very funny moments. there were some very crazy mopes -- please button that shirt it's disgusting.

i feel like there's an april that's going to jump out andill >> velcro would work too, you know. guillermo, get some duct tape. >> this is something obvious that you probably thought long time about doing and then you get out there and you got people singing your song. is it a good idea to sing a britney spears song when you are performing in front of britney spears? >> yes. >> jimmy: it is? >> it is not. >>. >> jimmy: why do you say it isn't? >> because they murder the song. i used to like it. she got so uncomfortable. i let the song go on as long as possible. it was kind of torture but i loved it. >> jimmy: you have to have a little fun on the show too much. it's only fair.

the other judges, you got rid of that terrible host. i told you to get rid of him last time. he's gone. you brought britney on which is a huge coup, i would say. >> it was a big coop. everybody wanted you to be on your show and there are a lot of shows now. i'm sure you got a lot of telephone calls. what did you think of simon before you met him? did you have an continopinion o before this? >> i thought he was kind of rude. >> jimmy: kind of rude? >> the idea he gives when he was on the show. but i talked to him on the show and he was a total sweetheart. i fell in love with him he was absolutely sweet. >> so was she, she was absolutely charming. sweet, humble and nice. >> jimmy: were you surprised by this? >> yeah, her reputation was completely different -- >> whatever.

>> i was very, very advised. we had this love affair on the phone for a couple days then i had a third conversation where britney told me she wanted to do the show. and we had not negotiated the contract and her manager said no, we don't want to do it -- >> jimmy: your manager must have been delighted when you interrupted negotiations no matter how much you were being paid. >> on the show, you said no, no, no, to so many people tonight. do you like being a tyrant? >> yes. >> jimmy: there's some element of fun, isn't there? >> yes. >> jimmy: but you're being honest. when simeem when i say simon's being rude. a lot should not be singers. they're delusional. >> i wouldn't want to waste seven years of my life when i

should be a doctor. it's giving honest, constructive criticize. . >> jimmy: i didn't think demny lovato did well also. i heard she was loony. >> that was part of the attraction. >> jimmy: she was good on the show. >> i like working with looney tunes. i'm quite loony as well. >> jimmy: it's more fun when -- it would be boring otherwise. >> we had different opinions. there was no preparation. you go into the arena. there's a lot of people behind you. i knew on the first day this was going to work really well and we vaul different. s, britney has been a revelation on show. she's been suburb. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you did do a very good job tonight.

i'm curious, how do you know it will work. if you hire brittany, if you can get her you hire her to do the show. cross your finger and hope it goes well. demny demi lovato, how do you know that will work out? >> i love the fact she did disney thing and came out about girls. she's open about what she went through. i think she's become a good role model. i think it's important. our feel that watch that audience, 15, 16, 17, she's close to that audience. you needed that perspective.

>> jimmy: poor l.a. reed, you might as well be invisible obama. you have to give him a little extra attention. i hope. is he here right now, by the way? >> you were hard on him. you have to remember, he's one of the biggest hitmakers in the world. >> you guys get so much attention now, it's almost as if he doesn't exist. he has his moments. he does have his moments but nobody is paying attention to them. >> yes, they are, they're paying attention to him. he's a very smart imagine. >> jimmy: you guys got a great honor across the street at the chinese theater, we have videotape. this is something usually only done for movie stars, you sign your name. did you put your feet or just the hands? >> just the hands. >> joh . >> jimmy: brittany, correct me if i am wrong, but you also ran

out of space. >> almost had to go with britney spear. >> then you guys got -- this is a big deal. [ cheers and applause ] simon, i enjoyed this. i was looking at your twitter page and you, right before that you said looking forward to seeing britney l.a. and the brat tuesday at the chinese man theater. >> i have a bit of a confession because i didn't know how to tweet professionally i was taught how to tweet. i was on an 11 1/2 hour flight. >> it's not the chinese man theater. >> as long as you were drunk it's okay. >> we're going take a quick break here. guillermo what is going on? when we come back we'll whack simon with duct tape.

>> jimmy: "the x-factor" airs wednesdays and thursdays at 8pm on fox. for my terrible allergy congestion,

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♪ >> you put a lot of effort into this but you're like a mouse trying to be an elephant. it's just wrong. >> i worked way too freakin' hard for this.

>> a lot of people work really, really hard for their dream bus it's not meant for everybody. >> that's why you use auto tune and i don't. >> actually -- >> i want to know who let you on stag stage? i feel uncomfortable with you even staring at me. >> i don't heed this either. i don't need amateur hour. >> see you later. >> is this serious? >> he was very serious. "x-factor," simon cowell and britney spears. that has to be different for you. you're used to adoring fans. when you eliminate sometimes the fans boo. >> that's not how simon feels he

feeds off that negative energy and makes people feel more powerful. >> they can be intimidating. we have up to $5,000 people. if you say no to jun -- >> jimmy: is it true you're considering a kardashian to be a part of the show? >> maybe. she's in the loop. >> jimmy: we're talking about khloe kardashian. >> khloe, yeah. >> jimmy: don't you think it's like throwing her into a lion's d ? /* den? >> i like the idea of live tv. things can go wrong. >> jimmy: things will gopherably wrong. >> we'll see. >> jimmy: can i make a suggestion? why is a kardashian on a talent show?

isn't that what opposite what sold be happening on a talent show? you have one you can actually host. >> we will have two. >> jimmy: make them both kardashians if you do that. you'll have two hosts. if you really want to go for it. if you want a train wreck on your hands -- >> i think you want a train wreck. you all like a train wreck. >> jimmy: didn't we learn anything from brian dunkleman? did i go too far back war was that reference? >> i remember. >> jimmy: britney it's your son's birthday today, is that correct? >> yes. >> jimmy: did uncle simon get him a present? >> i didn't know it was his birthday much but i will get him something. >> jimmy: you will get him something? maybe one of your jet packs or something like that? how old is he, 15, 16?

>> 6. >> jimmy: he's just a little boy so don't get him anything weird. have you met the family? have you had personal -- like have you guys gone out to dinner -- >> he never met my boys. >> she's come to my house. >> yes, britney has, yes. >> jimmy: you can have people at your house and never see them because you live on a golf course or something. >> it's a medium-sized house. >> jimmy: by whose standards? >> my stan dares. >> jimmy: have you been in simon's trailer? >> no. >> jimmy: i read there's a medical station set up in simon's trailer. 150,000 -- they say the only comparable mobile medical station is on air force one, the president's plane. that is not true? >> absolute rubbish. >> jimmy: where does that story

come from? >> i have nod idea. it's a normal trailer. >> jimmy: there's another story written about you you only use black toilet paper in your home is that true? >> my interior designer for some weird reason decided to order it and put it in one of the down stairs loos. >> jimmy: where do you order that. >> i have no idea, jimmy. >> jimmy: does satan have an order company --. when cocome back, want to know how much you know about each other. we'll play a sort of newlywed game. britney speernsd simon cowl when game. britney speernsd simon cowl when we come bno.. all right.

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[ cheers and applause ] it's the newly-x game. >> hello, everyone it's time to play the game to find out how much two x factor judges know about each other. the first spent much of the decade crushing dreams here and abroad. say hello to simon cowell. and the next loves kerring up

with a giant snake. britney spears. we put them in a joint booth and asked them questions about each other. each question is worth five points. simon we start with you. >> what do we get if you win? >> jimmy: there's prizes and you'll so what they are. we ask britney. if you were on a boat with one x factor judge, you can only save one of them -- who would britney say she would save? >> me? >> jimmy: this is an american game show. brittany reveals her card first but it will be quite a surprise. britney -- simon, who did you say britney would say, you? >> me. >> jimmy: did you say simon? >> britney, we asked simon the

same question, who did he say he would save? i'll give you a hint. he just showed the card to us. >> yourself? >> simon hold up your card. >> five points to britney. [ cheers and applause ] >> what do i do with this. >> yeah, put it in there. >> jimmy: britney we asked simon what his favorite curse word is. what is simon's favorite curse word. britney? >> the feast word is what britney said. simon reveal your favorite curse word. simon said it is "bloody hell." and now we'll go over to simon. simon we asked britney the same question what is her favorite curse word? [ bleep ]. >> oh, my god.

>> jimmy: brittany, what did you sa say? >> no points for either one of you on that one. >> i got the "c" k. so i should get two points for that. >> jimmy: we asked simon britney would be the perfect girl if she would just blank. what did he say? britney would be the perfect girl if she would just -- blank. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: brittany says "i don't know" simon what did you say? >> keep on judging the x factor. >> siemen mon we asked britney same question. you would be the perfect guy if you would just -- blank. what? >> do my shirt buttoned up? >> jimmy: button his shirt up

was his answer. oh, that's pretty close. we'll give that to her. you have a tie game. all right. simon, we asked britney the following question, which part of your body do you think is sexiest. which part of sbritney's body i the sexiest? >> what she thinks about me? >> jimmy: about herself? >> no, about me? i'm going say my butt. >> jimmy: britney what did you say? >> his chest hair. >> jimmy: and we asked the same question. britney, we asked simon what part of your body does he think is the sexiest and what do you think he said? >> my arms? >> jimmy: your arms? simon, what did you say?

please show us your card and reveal the answer. we have a tie game. >> oh, my god! jimmy, congratulations to both of them they win the prize package including randy jackson's book "what's up dawg." thank you so much for participating and from all of us here at the newly-x game. x factor wednesday and thursday night. we'll be right back with slightly stoopid. [ male announcer ] for the dreamers...

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pnc bank. stoppin there's no more knockin' or kickin' down my door ♪ ♪ ain't no need for changin' or rearranging this life we have endured all these foolish ways ♪ ♪ with these hopeless strays keep you comin' back for more by the time you hear it it's over it's over ♪ ♪ i really must have lost my mind wasn't me who wasn't hard to find ♪ ♪ six strings on my back always lookin' for the next track thinking bout the old ♪ ♪ hood always up to no good when you gonna realize that we livin' like we hypnotized ♪ ♪ by the time that you hear when the music's over times runnin out can't you see it's for ya ♪ ♪ when you're down and out nobody opens their mouth no one ever come around your way ♪ ♪ when you're on top of the world every man and every girl wanna come and get ♪ ♪ some for free when you're sittin on the corner no one ever gonna ♪

♪ pay you any mind that day you're just sittin' outside gettin' colder ♪ ♪ it was not long ago when you wasn't that old now look at you are old and gray ♪ ♪ like a piece of your mind that was stolen in time never listen what nobody say the reason everyday ♪ ♪ is not a holiday is 'cause the government they steal your pay was a dream ♪ ♪ but it's already over won't someone get us out of here i'm alive ♪ ♪ but i can't feel can not tell what's reality can not tell what is and what isn't real ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank simon cowell and britney spears. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night terry bradshaw, dave matthews and music from the dave matthews band. their new album "top of the world" is out now. playing us off the air with "don't stop", see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com once again, slightly stoopid! goodnight! ♪

♪ thanks to simon cowell and britney spears. the new album "top of the world" out now. see the full performance at "jimmy kimmel live."com. a