tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 18, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT
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here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. oh, i can't believe it. wow! thank you for coming. thank you for watching. today is -- i don't know, but i wasn't aware of this this this morning. today is the one-year anniversary of occupy wall street protests. remember those? they stomped out greed forever. it's a traditional gift for one-year wall stleet. i looked it up today. hackky sacks and soap. here was the scene today. it looks like fun. i would go to that. police arrested 180 protesters, for disorderly conduct and
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overly enthusiastic bong going. >> it's nice to have them back. it anybody watch the sunday night nfl game. niners beat the lions, despite andy lee was playing with an injured thumb. one of the nbc camera guys was trying to get the thumb. maybe it was me but i felt he was focused on something else all together. >> andy lee has a bad thumb. on the return last week, they feel like it shouldn't have been a touchdown on the ground. i don't think he'll admit it, but i think he has a broken thumb there. >> if punters don't wear cuffs. maybe now they will. another scandal involving the royal family and nude photos erupted over the weekend. prince william and kate middle ton were vacationing in the south of france.
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somehow the paparazzi got photographed of kate sun beyibi topless. today a tabloid in italy ran a 26-page spread. how relieved is prince harry right now? i wouldn't be surprised if he sold them the shots. william and kate filed a lawsuit against the french tabloid that published the pictures. i guess they miss the old days where they can have people randomly beheaded for doing things like that. i hope that doesn't cost kate the job of smiling and waiving at polo matches. that's a tough thing. to me this is where pippa needs to step up with a good sex tape right now. that's what sisters do. they take the heat. that's what the kardashians do. mitt romney was here meeting with the hispanic chamber of
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commerce. he's looking for a housekeeper for hishoya. that's a good place to start. mitt romney will be live on "kelly and michael." at one point mitt was asked what he wears to bed. he said as little as possible. only three pairs of khakis, that's it. as little as possible, it's the same philosophy that he has in regard to paying tacks. he also admitted on the show that his guilty pleasures are peanut butter and jelly sand witches and chocolate milk. even his guilty pleasures are boring. that is my favorite part of the interview. michael strahan was asked who he likes more. snooki or honey boo-boo fan.
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he said i like snooki. she's lost weight. and her personality is fun. sounds like somebody is ready to dtf. or -- dt -- i don't know. >> can you imagine mitt romney and snookie together? i see him strapper her to the roof of the car. >> meanwhile mitt romney received another endorsement. he used to be snoop dogg, he's blossomed into a lion. take a look at this. this might be the highest i've ever seen another human being. >> sending love, peace and happy n to the barack obama family. congratulations in winning the election of 2013. i already know you're going to wi win. >> i wonder if the obamas will
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holla at him in 2013? if you've been following the automotive exploits, former n k nickelodeon star, amanda bynes, rab into a police car in april. which is illegal and last week got cited twice for hit and run and this weekend despite the fact she doesn't have a license. went for a drive, had her car impounded but wasn't arrested. but apparently upset lindsay lohan. she tweeted. why do i get put in jail? and nickelodeon star gets no punishment so far? she better be careful. they have slime to dump on you. i don't know now amanda bynes got aruresarrested. it's amazing how they still have automobile insurance.
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maybe lindsey le han -- let's start this joke again. oh, the hell with it. let move on. [ cheers and applause ] >> you see that. it's skill like that that led me to a big gig on sunday. i'm hosting the emmy awards. [ cheers and applause ] . at least that was the plan until we -- at this very moment all celebrities are starving themselves in preparation fort emmys tomorrow night. there's dozens of authors nominated. one is benedict. nominated for his work on a bbc show called "sherlock." do you know this show? we only have one person in the audit mens familiar with him.
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we agree he has a silly name. i thought it would be finance to ask people passing by if they know what a cumberbatch is. >> what is a cumberbatch? >> what? >> that s that something you wear underneath a tuxedo. >> i have no idea. >> cumberbatch. >> thir first things that comes to mind is a cucumber. >> i think it's a wart under your foot. something like that. >> do you have an idea what cumberbatch is? >> something a doctor uses so you can go to the bathroom? >> something that a man uses for sex. >> it's not something that they put in your rectum, is it?
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>> a cumber democrbatch? >> isn't that a name of a film star? >> that is the surname. i believe deep down there's a cumberbatch in all of us. >> this is funny. right now unemployment rate for americans age 18 to 24 is almost 16%. double the national average. this morning fox and friends thought they found a gold mine with max rice. he was a former obama supporter and swifted to romney. that's what they look for on fox. it became clear almost immediately that max was not there to talk about the issues. >> johning me is max bryce, he just moved out of his parents home. . hello, miss usa, it's an honor. >> miss america.
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>> miss universe in my book. tell me your story, you believed in the hope and change of president obama, so you voted for him and tell me about the next three and a half years. >> i was a huge obama supporter in 2008. i met rim in third grade. >> okay. >> why now are you supporting mitt romney? >> it's actually a funny story. i losa basketball game to a friend of mine. he's a huge supporter of the show. >> all right. well done, max. >> i don't know exactly what you did you but you did it very well. >> one more thing on the topic of unemployment. a lot of americans are out of work. we wanted to do something to help. we sent sal and his hidden
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cameras to a temp agency. we sent him to people looking for jobs. here's how that kacame out. >> hi, there. how are you? martin? tell me about yourself. >> i'm trying to get back to the legal field full time. i was working every day, two to three hours but the last month they moved me over to assignments. >> however the attorney i do assignments for he's been on vacation. so i'm in limbo right now. >> do you think he's telling you that because you talk too much? >> no, because they have hart-timers and not enough work skills. >> do you have managerial skills? >> no, i've been a lead person in a warehouse. >> you had people below you then?
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>> yes. >> do you think you could get someone go for me, if you had to? >> yeah, i guess. >> yeah, you would? let try this. i'm interested to see how this works out. >> beki, could you come in here? >> what's up? >> martin here as something he wants to tell you. >> hi, beki. >> hi. >> unfortunately we're making cutbacks and thins aren't really working out and we're going have to terminate you. >> me? >> yes, you. >> what did i do? >> really it's nothing that you've done bad. it's just we got to make some cutbacks right now and management made a decision and things just aren't working out for your area. >> that was pretty good. nice. >> good job. >> can you get your things and leave? >> oh, that wasn't just --
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you're serious? >> no, you heard him. >> yeah. >> don't hit the bricks. >> i don't know if this is -- >> yeah. >> don't let the door hit you where god's the you. >> management, they made their decision. you'll have to be dismissed. >> good. >> you're [ bleep ]. >> that was really good. >> replace your own water bottles for now on. your own water bottles. . i make her chase the water bottles, she hates it. >> that's good. i couldn't do it, you you did it. i was going have to pay that hospital bill now i don't. >> good job. >> thanks, pal. >> i thought this was part of the intervucht. >> you did well. it was part of the interview but
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it worked out. let me ask you, you worked in a lot of law offices. is what we just did, legal? >> mmm -- >> i'll take that as a yes. >> thank you, martin, appreciate it. great, thank you. you're a heartless buster? could you straighten up a little bit. i don't have anyone to do this. just don't get pregnant. all right? thank you, cousin sal. you're fired. tonight on the show from the texas rangers josh hamilton is here. p and we'll be right back with matthew perry, so stick around. ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, tonight on the track, outfielder for the texas ranger, number 32, josh hamilton is with us. and then with music from her debut cd, it comes out tomorrow it's called "somethin' 'bout kreay," kreayshawn from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, richard gere will be with us as will josh radnor from "how i met your mother." and on sunday night, i have a part time job. i am hosting the 64th annual primetime emmy awards live this sunday night starting at 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific right here on abc. thank you.
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at least i think i'm hosting it. either that, or i am the victim of a terrible prank. that would be something, huh? i would have to admire their tenacity. >> jimmy: you know our first guest from that show with all those famous people but it's time to forget about that. he is back with a new show about a sports talk radio host called "go on." watch it tuesdays at 9:00 on nbc, please say hello to matthew perry. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] how's it going? >> very well, how are you? >> i was looking at your twitter page, i don't know who you were following, probably to so you're following pieia tfollowing pia .
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she sang the national anthem at all of the kings games. >> okay. i sort of followed her because of that. . she also happens to be great looking on top of it, right? >> imrae a sign of her voice and her patriotism. . you are a big hockey game. how many kings games to you go in a year? >> this year i went to a lot. i had season tickets to the kings, twice in my life. 1993 and this year. both of those types they went to the finals. >> oh, wow. you were the guy. they should given you season tickets for me. >> that's what i think. >> i have a photograph. the stanley cup came to your
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house? >> yes. yes. >> there it is. there's the stanley cup at my house. i'll explain that. pias toscanno and i want to keep -- >> you captured her and keeping he >> if you win the stanley cup you get a day with the stanley cup. i was friends the andre, he won it. and said i'll have a part. i said the thing about this is, you know that again. i did quite well for myself in the mid am 90s. >> yeah, beautiful house. >> i bought myself in the hillis but the stanley cup is not there anymore. so now if you f you look rat a picture of my house it looks like a giant thiurd.
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>> seems a man of your means could have a stanley cup build if you wanted something like that. >> did you say that sentence very slowly. >> that's a thrill to be able -- especially -- i drank out of the stanley cup. i. >> i did i promised red bull that ever did that. >> yeah, it's signed of a bummer. he finally gets to brink out of it. >> were you always a kings fan? >> i grew number canada. so it's the first time either of those teams won. >> on your birthday. you "twilight"ed your dad you to ho douse gps much. >> yes.
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yeah. i went and had lunch with my dad. my dad always his whole life. has gotten lost. driving around always getting lost. now there's this wonderful invention, navigator, gps, it's fantastic. we had lunch and i taught him to how to use the gps much. >> where did you question this? >> in the parking lot of a big n mall. >> how did you go from the one end of the lot to another? >> you were so good. >> that was your dad. i got nervous for a minute. >> older gentlemen -- >> yes. >> no, we're in the parking lost this mall. i showed him out to use it. it's a little bit of giant leading the blind. when they first came out.
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remember the car, bmwz z-8. i was the pie that had to get that right away. james bond had it then me. it was the first one. silver car. it looked great. i would drive around and this navigator was set to this woman's nervous voice. and i couldn't turn it off for months. i would be at a spotlight and i'd like be -- >> i wouldn't turn it off. >> it's i weird thing. they should have videos of people trying to turn that system off.
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you have to koch it while it's happening. i was supposed to mow just us. >> i'm pretty proud to remember that. >> i love the against, but i feel it's already made my pad sense of direction even worse. now i don't fay attention to where i'm going only. everywhere i go, i plug in the tv, i plug in the gps. but the gps in l.a. does this horrible thing. where i fall all of the time. it thinks santa con it's the t freeway. all gps' think that. i always fall for it. well, this can't be the right way to go. oh, look i'm often santa monica
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boulevard again. this is televised, right? somebody change that. it's not a freeway. >> no, it's not. it's a road. very busy. >> that i drives crazy. i mike the decision that the gps should rust tee. >> i do that too. >> every once in a while i'll define my gps. but usually to goes well. and i get somewhere faster i'm so proud of myself. >> them you can find out maybe you haven't typed in shortest route. that's the other thing. >> yeah, you have to have the other -- >> that's for my fore's birthday -- >> i bet you he has not turned it off. sat there for a long time. >> did your dad give you a
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birthday present? >> i did. he has taken up ceramics. >> for real? >> for real. >> so he made me this. a bond it pore show you. >> i thought you were going to wash your hands. >> that's nice, actually. >> pretty good. i did tell you this always didn't look like this. first couple years i was like, oh, dad, thanks. i think before you get good, everything is you make is a paper weight. but now he's gotten pretty good. >> how many bowls a year do you get? >> christmas and my birthday. >> you got one right here. dad. create the finally cup. matthew perry is here.
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>> so there's billboards all over the place. i'm realistic about this. that's happened to me before. a few years ago i was on the show. there were billboards on the show and three weeks into the area. the show wasn't going very well. they look the till towards down. they replaced them with nothing. >> they put a white board up. they'd rather have a white board than my fist. for sigs weeks this gigantic white board inned city. >> this show is so funny. if it dope we gel, there you go. >> it's a lesson you should never do a show with them again. >> you have capitmeos from
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athletes. terrell owens, chris bosh. jeremy roenick. i think i have a picture of you two here. what happened here? okay. oka okay. >> is this staged or did this occur? >> the story line involves that they're supposed to not hit me. and i start to think. oh, i'm the greatest hockey player in the world and they he was one of the most fame our tough guys in the history of the mfl. why don't they. not really. get just a little bit of me and i'm supposed to jump forward and do that. he really hit me. >> yeah, right. >> na that is my face smashed up -- >> get really close. it's really worth looking at.
quote
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] hello, welcome back. our next guest tonight has 42 home runs this season, four of them in one game. he's a five-time all-star. mvp and batting champion from the texas rangers, please welcome josh hamilton. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] what's happening? you really embrace this texas thing with the boots and everything? >> no, no, no. fake boots.
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>> you like bootettes. >> wound kind of -- >> did you get excited about that? do you look ahead? >> never look ahead. biggest thing you want to have a great season as an individual or even more so as a team. last three years have been a lost fun. >> it's morn fun to vn aa real season than when you're in a free agent clear. >> it always helps. >> do you obsess over your stats? >> i found it's more stressful. they show me if i go to the plate with and you he are the greatest player on the team do the other guys treat you like you're in charge? >> no. >> who is in charge?
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>> how much time somehow? >> michael young, dempster, those guys have sin yority. >> do you go to the top or back to the the bottom. >> some goes to how much money you make. >> when you're better paid. are you expected to figure p the tab. i'm in a unique situation where i don't have money on my convenient conveniently. >> you're one of those guys. >> yeah, you buy a couple suits, or way forever it might be. does everyone get aligned a roomdy do you -- >> rookie dress up? >> that's a different story. >> what do you mean by that? it's a different sorry? >> tradition in major league baseball where all of the
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rookies come up, we don't have at least a year in the league has to dress up. whether it be in a nurse's youp fit. pokeky mon. buzz lightyear. >> whos what costume you'll wear. >> especially on rain delays like we had yesterday. >> baseball has to be the most fun of the sports to play. you have a lot of time eatic seeds and spet issing t seeds a >> the few times i've seen president obama, i've gotten out of the hot talk. i have this little towel on.
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this thigh is showing that's how it is. es comes around the corner this way. >> you never dropped the towel and said, hey, real nice to meet you. >> i told him last time, i hope you don't read anything into this. it's coincidence, timing. >> he probably thinks of you as the naked guy. >> naked tattoo go. >> four home runs in one game. that's unbelievable. have you ever done that as a kid? >> i did five in one game when i was a kid. >> at a southern point -- i'd just hate you with the afro. >> i don't call this an after row. s it amern. >> when you hit four home runs,
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what do the guys a after the third one? >> good job, man. it's one of those things if you try to do it you can't. if you don't think about it, you you have have a lot of times good things happen. >> we have video. this is just unbelievable. . here's jimmy kimmel. only down 2-1. >> okay, i'm sorry. >> i think we may have got everybody the video -- that happens from time to time. there's some confusion in this cape room. just so you know, this was a lot more fun than letterman has. >> i love dave, but -- >> i'm having a lost fun. >> bad start is no one is watching this. >> casey affleck bought the rights to your life story. he's going to produce the movie.
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>> that's crazy. >> does he pay you for the rights of the story? >> i let my wife -- >> sheled lle canceled it. >> who would she like to play you? >> i can't reveal that. >> i think denzel washington would be a great choice. >> inie the same thing. our smails are are active. >> will your wife be in on the auditioning practice? >> she goes way back to dawson's year in the day. >> if you get to cast her part. you get to cast your part. >> seems somethingta dramatic has to happen in the end. right now you're still playing baseball. >> yeah, the thing is, bibl is
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whale i'm doing it. if something comes out it would be the right time to come out. >> i flow you canknow i can't te you want to go. make you're not going to stay in texas. >> where would you like me to go? >> i would like you to go to the yankees. >> where are you from? >> i'm a mets fan. would you do that. commit to the fet right now. costing you $30 million, 40 million dollar. >> as you her, 2008 there was a phenomenal t.a. r. p. slide. >> they have great tarps to slide on. >> see, the fans already like you. the new exnew york met,
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but it isn't always easy to find one... a vote for question seven is a vote for maryland jobs. two thousand construction jobs to build a new resort casino. four thousand permanent jobs, paying... on average fifty five thousand a year. six thousand jobs from increased tourism... and table games like blackjack and poker. add it up: it's twelve thousand new maryland jobs. but to build it you have to vote for it. vote for question seven. and get maryland back to work.
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jimmy kimming concert series brought to you by bud light. >> jimmy: her new album comes out tomorrow it's called "somethin' bout kreay." here with the song "go hard," kreayshawn. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey there what's up you know i'd really like to do that ♪ ♪ but i don't have any [ explative ] money like i don't have nay [ explative ] money ♪ ♪ hey miss do you really really really wanna go hard ♪ ♪ at the ever 21 ♪ you want a job ♪ you need a place to go ♪ i would be really hoff
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♪ something they rally do ♪ let it go ♪ hey do you really really really want to go hard ♪ la la la ♪ ♪ la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ we on that la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ we on that la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ do it like do it like let me see you ♪ ♪ go hard go hard go hard ♪ ♪ girl you need that new bottles on chill i got gold chain flu little lady on my side ♪ ♪ show me how you ride out be a good one and i'll take you to myt pretty♪ ♪ dripping like some water tho i be on that strong and coming for that low low ♪ ♪ what i did let her go she's back now she went real hard until she threw her back out ♪
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♪ hey miss do you really really really wanna go hard ♪ ♪ go in the crib steal your stepfathers credit card ♪ ♪ and take the car and do circles in the parking lot ♪ ♪ scream at the top of our lungs like la la la ♪ ♪ scream at the top of our lungs like la la la ♪ ♪ la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ we on that la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ we on that la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ silly girl take your jacket off get off the floor go hard ♪ ♪ go hard go hard go hard go hard go hard ♪ ♪ do it like do it like do it like ♪ ♪ do it like do it like do it like ♪ ♪ let me see you go hard go hard go hard go hard ♪ ♪ go hard hey miss ♪ ♪ do you really really really wanna go hard ♪ ♪ go in the crib steal your stepfathers credit card ♪ ♪ and take the car and do circles in the parking lot ♪
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