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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  May 22, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am EDT

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because they feed on each other. proposition d will limit the number of dispensaries in l.a. to 135. just to give you a point of reference, there are 136 mcdonald's in the greater l.a. area, so 135 is probably enough. unfortunately, right now there are about 800 pot shops, so the employees of 665 of them will be out of work. and on top of them, their resumes will say i used to work at a pot store. so i wish them luck. in colorado, a new study out of colorado state university estimates that colorado residents will legally smoke more than 2 million ounces of marijuana next year. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's like a ray gay festival and willie nelson's byrd day combined. colorado passed amendment 64 in november, which legalized the
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recreational use of marijuana. it's resulted in a surge of what they call pot tourism. people come for the weekend to smoke pot and the next thing they know, it's 30 years later they're still there working in a carbon neutral coffee shop. amendment 64 also allows people to grow marijuana at home. it's obviously a tremendous growth opportunity for the folks at chia pet. but this product, for instance, is targeted at folks who prefer to grow their pot outdoors. >> what an exciting new way to decorate your herb garden? introducing bong gnomes. with bong gnomes you can grow pot and smoke it without ever leaving your yard. just pack it, pop it and party. >> bong gnome! >> order now and receive a flamin-gro absolutely free.
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a product of weed whacker industries. put the pot in pottery. >> available at walgreens. >> jimmy: they have everything. they really have everything. last night here on nbc, the season finale of "dancing with the stars" when all the votes were tallied, kelly pickler and her partner won. zendaya came in second even though she had the highest scores. i also lost justin bieber to win the kentucky derby. i would like to congratulate all of this year's competitors on a job well done, except for wynona judd. she was terrible. oh, she wasn't? this is very cute. this is from the wallace family in louisville, kentucky. the parents planned a surprise trip to disneyworld and they wanted to tell their kids about it in a fun way.
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so they set up a treasure hunt at the end of which came this. >> what does it say on it elizabeth? >> in seven days, we're going to disney. can we eat them? >> in seven days, really? >> surprise. >> surprise. >> we're going in seven days. i'll be in school in seven days. >> we had a letter from your principal. >> that says that you get to go to disney. >> did you hear that? >> tell her. >> in seven days we're going to disneyworld. >> can you cut off a piece so we can eat it? >> tell her what it means elizabeth. >> it means we're going to disneyworld in seven days.
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>> shall we eat? >> jimmy: she's very goal oriented. first goal, cake. then we get excited about goofy. have you seen a gif? it's a short video loop without sound like that dancing baby. we've always called it a gif, but the guy who created it told "the new york times" because everyone pronounces it wrong. he says it's a soft g, pronounced gif, end of story. thank you for the clarification, super nerd. will this affect for all i search for them on joogle? that stands for graphics interchange format. jif is peanut butter. and further more nobody tells me how to pronounce the three-second loop of a dancing
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banana. there's a new movie called "now you see me" coming out. this morning, two of the stars did some interviews together. it's one of those situations where the actors sit in a hotel room and they talk to reporters via satellite. but it would appear that morgan did not get a great night's sleep. >> did the magician show you any tricks? >> yeah. the thing about this movie is we do tricks but these are the biggest maggot tricks you've ever seen in any movie. they're gigantic. but not only is that, they then in the movie show you how it's done without with cgi. so it's quite a wound rouse thing to see. the ereaction was incredible. in the story, the police come in and solve how the trick was done. >> it's morgan freeman. poor michael cain had a whole morn of course this.
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>> michael, you have a bit of history in the recent past in magic-based movies? >> yeah, i played a magician in one movie. but i had to learn card tricks. >> jimmy: that is one of the most powerful power naps i've ever seen. he's exhausted from playing every fake president. i would honestly rather watch that for two hours than any movie anyone could possibly make. paris hilton made a big announcement today. do you remember paris hilton? the naked lady with the hotels? paris announced today she's signed a record deal with cash money records. this is the label that's home to artists like drake, nicdi monage and lil wayne. didn't lil wayne almost die a few weeks ago? it must have been part of the deal he made with satan to come back. as you know, paris' first album back in 2006 had very low sales after it gave several women
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herpes and they had to pull it off the shelves. if you have the talent and persistence eventually -- well, forget i said any of that. by the way, i mentioned earlier, we had an election here yesterday. we have a new mayor, eric garcetti. he mother is russian and jewish. his foote father is a mexican-american of spanish and italian descent. back in school, by the time the kids were finished making fun of him, they were out of breath. it's about time we had a mayor whose last name rhymes with spaghetti. while the results were coming in, guillermo wrote, whoever wins the election should open
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more restaurants to get more jobs. the next tweet was this election is very close. just like me and my mother-in-law. yeah, right. >> jimmy: what happened to you last night? were you posessed by the spirit of milton berle? >> yeah, i guess. >> jimmy: since you're writing jokes now. do you remember the joke? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay, stand right here and deliver that joke to camera as if this is your show and your monologue. >> okay. this election is very close. just like me and my mother-in-l mother-in-law. yeah, right. [ applause ] >> jimmy: very good. regular juany carson.
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what's the matter with you and your mother-in-law? are you fighting? >> no, no. >> jimmy: you don't like her? >> just a little bit. >> jimmy: disgraced former congressman anthony weiner officially announced that he's running for ma anthony weiner as you may recall resigned after tweeting a photograph of his crotch. he's trying to move past that. either that or this is a test for talk show host to see if we can come up with any more penis jokes. and if it is, i accept that challenge. weiner released a video on youtube. reran t we ran through a sub text machine to read what he's trying to say without reading into what he's saying. >> i made big mistakes and let a lot of people down, but i learned some toughless sons. i've been fighting for the middle class and those struggling to make it my entire life and i hope i get a second chance to work for you. >> we love this city and no one
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will work harder than anthony. >> i will fight for you every single day. thank you for watching. >> jimmy: we need to take a break. when we come back, we have a great hidden camera prank from my cousin sal tonight. plus alyssa milano, chris "ludacris" bridges and music from darius rucker. so come back. what's better, saving a bunch or not saving at all? [ kids ] a bunch! ok. what would you buy with all this money you saved? i'd buy a changing machine so i could change my brother into a puppy. couldn't you just buy an actual puppy? yeah but if my brother's a puppy i could bring him to show and tell and say, "hey everybody, here's my puppy brother!" well when you say it like that it makes perfect sense. [ male announcer ] it's not complicated. saving is better. now at at&t, trade up to iphone 5. get it now for $99.99
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>> jimmy: here in hollywood is a fine hotel called the lowe's. it houses people from all over the world so we thought it would be a fun place for my cousin sal to bring his i had hen cameras. let the hospitality begin. >> welcome to the lowe's hollywood hotel. >> ambassador heatherington. >> ambassador, huh? >> well, i use it because it sounds good. >> i would think people would say it sounds obnoxious. >> these are indemnity forms. in case there's another federal furlough. >> things are all right? >> things could always be better. just sign over there. oh, yeah, you have that crazy long name, too.
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thank you, ambassador. and sign there. and initial down here. >> it's like a frickin' mortgage. >> when you talk, it slows down this process. initial here, one more signature here. and -- >> you're making me work for this. >> this is all extra stuff that we're going to charge you for that you don't need to know about until you get your credit card statement. a lot of people say hey, i'm upset with this and they stop. give me your thumb for a second. i need a thumbprint. >> what is this for? >> this is for a thumbprint. >> but what is all this for? >> indemnify the furloughs.
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you're not on blood thinners are you? >> i am. >> i'll try not to poke you. thanks, ambassador. >> do you have something to clean this off with? >> in your room is all kinds of cleaning products. >> i was wondering if you have a hair dresser. >> i can take care of it. what do you need? >> wash and dry. an appointment at 5:30 would be great for me. >> i could probably take care of you now. >> okay, what time? >> right now, this time. >> so where is it? >> it's right here. >> here? in the lobby? >> yeah, hold on one second.
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okay. so we have a little water in here. so stick your head right in here. >> i don't understand. >> i was a barber in the army. you wanted to get it done now, right? >> yeah, but i won't put my head in there. it's dirty. >> this is what we call a mud treatment. >> okay, so do you think it's possible to have an appointment with a hairdresser or no? >> probably not. high five. thanks. hi there. welcome to lowe's hollywood hotel. >> i was asking the concierge about the classic movie festival is going on right now. do you know who is doing the john wayne movies? >> i can make that happy. let me hear a little john wayne. >> yeah. >> that's it, got it. wearing the cowboy hat.
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yeah, there's a little festival. you want to come see it? i'm going to have a little something in my room. i have the penthouse. we'll get some zima, six pack. yeah. would you like that? this could be good. i have a pair of chaps with your name on them. what time do you think you'll be there? >> i'll have my wife call you. >> just me and you. i'm getting lucky tonight. it will be just me and you. >> there you go, partner. >> thank you, sir. >> see you tonight. i think i have a date. >> jimmy: thank you, cousin sal. all right, cousin sal, everybody.
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chris "ludacris" bridges is here. we have music from darius rucker. and we'll be right back with alyssa milano. so stick around. ♪ [ camera shutter clicks ] ♪ ♪ [ camera shutter clicking ] ♪ [ male announcer ] meet the best low-light smartphone camera. [ camera shutter clicking ] better than iphone. better than galaxy. the windows phone nokia lumia 928. ♪ the windows phone nokia lumia 928. be on board for this one. it's sears super memorial day event.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program starting friday you can see him alongside the rock, vin diesel, paul walker, and a lot of cars in "fast & furious 6." chris "ludacris" bridges is here. and then with music from this album it came out yesterday it's called "true believers" darius rucker from the sony outdoor stage. he's planning to ruck it up. tomorrow night the incredible and hulking mark ruffalo will be with us, i'll face off against this year's national school scrabble champions. and the very funny reggie watts will be here too. we watched our first guest grow up on television which sounds very creepy, i know and, make no mistake, it was. she has a show called "mistresses" premiering monday june 3rd here on abc, please
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welcome alyssa milano. >> jimmy: how are you? last time you were here, you had a baby. >> i had a baby. he's 20 months now. >> jimmy: congratulations. you brought him to an l.a. kings game. how old was he when you brought him to this game? >> marc: 10 weeks? too soon? >> jimmy: did he enjoy it? is he's wearing his dr. dre headphones i see. what kind of music he likes. >> those are little protection earpho earphones. because he was a tiny little thing. >> jimmy: are you bringing him to any of the playoff games? >> probably not. we only take him to afternoon games. that's where we draw the line. >> jimmy: you were at the billboard music awards in vegas?
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>> i was. i had a great time. >> jimmy: were you there to see anyone. >> i actually presented. i presented, but i was very excited to see prince because -- yes, right? [ applause ] >> he showed all those little guys how to do it. >> jimmy: what little guys? >> justin bieber, you know, all those little guys. >> jimmy: he's hard to top. >> he's really hard to top, yeah. the last time i saw him, i saw him live, i was eight m pregnant and he called me up own stage. he was performing at the forum and i danced with him for an entire song. and i was 170 pounds when i gave birth. you can imagine where i was at eight months, like 165. my baby was as big as prince. >> jimmy: even though you were pregnant already. you could get double pregnant. >> i did not want to look at him. he's got that kind of power.
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and he gave myla a little tambouri tambourine. >> jimmy: is it a regular size? >> i have it in his hope chest along with his picture. >> jimmy: you have a hope chest, huh? what other stuff is in there? i didn't know boys have hope chesses. what is this in there? >> booties and hope chest. maybe his wife will appreciate it someday. >> jimmy: you never know. this should be in his hope chest. this is something i was unaware of. you're a multiplatinum recording artist. >> true story. >> jimmy: when did this happen? you were obviously very young when this happened. >> i was, like, 14 to 16? i think. and what happened was i -- i was on -- in japan.
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commando on regular television. the movie commando, i played arnold schwarzenegger's daughter. i was 11 years old. then someone did research on me and found out i was in the play "annie" and decided to just offer me an album contract. >> jimmy: and you accepted that? >> i accepted and i did four albums and a best of. did you sing in japanese? . >> sometimes. >> jimmy: this is called the best in the world. >> that was my compilation album. >> jimmy: and you toured all over japan? >> yeah, all over asia. i would -- you know, they do these variety shows and i would go out and lip sync in these crazy -- and once -- >> jimmy: you lip synced at these things? >> of course, yeah. and once i went out and i started lip syncing and i was out there by myself and all of a sudden halfway through, 40 dancers, little dancers came out to a totally choreographed
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routine to my song. >> jimmy: they made up a routine and surprised you with it? is. >> yeah, started dancing around me. and it was during the '80s, so it was a bunch of that stuff. >> jimmy: you're like the japanese david hasselhoff in a way. have you been back there? >> no. i've never been back. i would probably get a record contract from this interview. >> jimmy: you should do a greatest hits tour. go around japan and lip sync in the same voice you had when you're 14. >> i wonder if those dancers are still available. right? >> jimmy: they have their own kids now and maybe they're sharing the music of alyssa milano. do you remember any of the songs? what was your biggest hit? >> i don't remember, but i feel like you have a youtube video or something. >> jimmy: i do have a youtube video. as a matter of fact. it's -- well, let's take a look at it. >> oh, god.
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♪ breaking my heart we are the love ♪ ♪ that's waiting for you ♪ breaking my heart ♪ ♪ whoa whoa >> jimmy: do you keep in touch with those guys? >> yes, yes. god. >> jimmy: wow. maybe the next time you're here, you can do one of those songs. >> maybe i'll do that just for you. >> jimmy: we could be huge in japan. think about it. seriously. there's money on the table here and we're leaving it. we're going to talk about your new show called "mistresses" on june 3. we'll be right back with alyssa milano. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony. eyes. it's four times the detail of hd.
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. >> i will have this on your desk at 8:00 a.m. if you let me look at you for a mere ten seconds. >> five seconds. >> done.
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>> one. >> jimmy: oh, my god, i'm blushing. i'll definitely watch. >> i think you're the target demographic. >> jimmy: what piece going on there? >> that's a co-worker. the show is called "mistresses." it's based on a bbc series. my character is married and she and her husband have been trying to have an affair -- i mean trying to have a baby for a long time. >> jimmy: two very different things. you don't take an affair to a circus or a kings game. >> so she winds up having an affair with this co-worker. but then the rest of the season is sort of how that sort of unfolds and her life and the
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repercussions for what that means for her marriage and also for her friends. >> jimmy: don't put that clip in your son's hope chest. you shot that after you gave birth? >> we shot the pilot when i was breast feeding. which made those love scenes really sexy, let me tell you. >> jimmy: was it a problem? >> well, our a.d. had an alarm set on his clock every two hours and i would either go breast feed my son no matter what we were doing, no matter what point in the love scene we were at or i would go in my trailer and pump. if we were five minutes late, wardrobe was ruined. >> jimmy: wow. that kind of ruins the whole thing. >> sorry. >> jimmy: ruining the facade. >> i like the idea that this guy is timing your breasts. >> exactly.
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like clock work. >> jimmy: it's time to fire up the pump, alyssa. well, that could be your next japanese album "fire up the pump." >> perfect. >> jimmy: think about it. "mistresses" premieres june 3rd on abc. we'll be right back with chris "ludacris" bridges. ♪ [ dings ] [ female voice ] sorry. i don't update like that. i'm sorry. i can only do one thing at a time. i guess powerpoint isn't one of those things. should we just play "chopsticks"? [ "chopsticks" plays ]
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a grammy-award--winning rapper and actor - his latest is a small romantic comedy with dwayne johnson and vin diesel called "fast & furious 6." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome chris "ludacris" bridges. [ applause ]
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>> jimmy: how you doing? >> good, what up, man. >> jimmy: when you're here as a rapper, you're ludacris. when you're an actor, you're chris "ludacris" bridges. why do you do that? is it -- i don't know, is it because you can't imagine someone saying and the oscar goes to ludacris? >> i would love for somebody to say that. >> jimmy: why do you use all the names? >> man because, you know, ludacris is one thing. when you're an actor, you have to take yourself out of ludacris persona. i'm a multifacetted negro, what can i say. that's pretty much what i do.
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>> jimmy: i didn't even realize you were black. that's how good an actor you are. how old were you when you started rapping? >> 9 years old. >> jimmy: what do you rap about when you're 9? >> my very first song, i had to lie and say i was 10 just to rhyme because it's called i'm cool, i'm bad, i might be 10 but i can't survive without my girlfrie girlfriend. >> jimmy: you wrote it out and went and recorded it? or did you do it live for people? >> i did it live with my people and i also recorded it. >> jimmy: were you ludacris back then? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: how do you know what ludacris means? >> you look it up in the dictiona dictionary. especially when your name is chris. >> jimmy: how old how ois your daughter? >> 11 years old. >> jimmy: does she listen to them? >> she listens to the clean
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versions. >> jimmy: dud she know about the unclean version? >> we have conversations about everything. she definitely needs to hear it from me first. >> jimmy: does she care about the fact that you're rapping and you're popular? >> i thought i was the coolest dad because i am ludacris. but it turns out i'm the coolest dad because i've done songs with justin bieberer. >> jimmy: your daughter likes that, huh? >> she loves him. >> jimmy: is that the main reason you do that sort of thing? >> i did it because i love the music. but it turns out she's just as big of a justin bieber fan. >> jimmy: so you're saying you love justin bieber's music? >> i'm a fan of the little man. he's a little homey. i think he makes great music. >> jimmy: i didn't realize he was a little homey. had i known that -- >> he's a little homey, yeah. >> jimmy: how many fast and furious have you been in? >> this will be my third. i was in fast 5 and now fast 6. as a black man they didn't kill
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me yet. so i'm hoping i will be in fast 7. >> jimmy: that is remarkable. . >> this is your first time. see if you can follow the pattern here, this is the second time. and now this is the third time. you're going to be bald in the next one. >> that's not going to be true because i'm doing some things. >> jimmy: if i could do that, i would definitely -- i would like to be able to not get through doors. >> it's too much of an issue. you be on the sleep, and next thing you know, your hair is dented. you've got to have a nice length and you'll be good. >> jimmy: you will sometimes buy the cars from the "fast and furious" movies, is that right? >> i bought a car from each of the movies i have been in. >> jimmy: can't they just give you a car? >> you would think that, right? no, i actually have to buy them.
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i get a good deal. i have the hook-up. it's a good thing. >> jimmy: which ones do you have? >> a dodge ram truck i bought. it had a louie vitton painting. and then on fast 5 there was a car in the rocks convoy. it was a big truck, gmc truck and i bought that one. look the like a tank. so in this one, we shot the whole movie in london. i vice president bought a car yet because all the damn cars, the sphering wheels are on the other side. i'm thinking if i bring them here i might be a little confused and wreck something. looks like the cycle will be broken. >> jimmy: how many cars do you have? >> right now, six. but at one point, 15. but i got guilty because i travel too much and you have 15 cars sitting in a garage in atlanta, georgia you're not caring for them you have to start giving them away. >> jimmy: you give them away? >> man, listen --
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>> jimmy: ho who do you give them to? >> i've given ten of my cars away. >> jimmy: to whom? >> family friends, good friends. i had a cousin whose car was about to break down. single mother, great woman, of course. i went in and helped her out. >> jimmy: here's a rolls royce phantom for you to drive the family around? >> i don't go that far. i keep the rolls royce phantom. >> jimmy: going to your house is like being on "price is right" you can go home with a car. >> i like to help out, man. >> jimmy: so you've got five now, and will you continue -- >> six. >> jimmy: oh, six now. >> you trying to slip me up. >> jimmy: are people angling for the cars? >> absolutely. they always angle for them. but give them to whom i want to give them to. >> jimmy: if you feel like they want one, does that make you less inclined to give them one? people are like pigeons, you
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throw some crumbs on the floor and they will all flock to it. >> you're 100% correct. >> jimmy: so the strategy is -- and i'm hoping you'll give me a car at some point. some of these people have to walk to work. we would appreciate if we could have four of your cars. >> we'll talk after the show is over. congratulations. it's great to see you. i'm glad everything is going well. you working on an album right now? >> yes. album number eight as a matter of fact. coming out later this year. look for that. >> jimmy: come back when you're ludacris again. "fast and furious 6" opens friday. be right back with darius rucker. >> jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by
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sony.
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>> jimmy: his new album, "true believers" came out yesterday. here with the song, "wagon wheel" darius rucker. ♪ ♪ headin' down south to the land of the pines i'm thumbin' my way into north caroline ♪ ♪ starin' up the road and pray to god i see headlights i made it down ♪ ♪ the coast in seventeen hours pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers ♪ ♪ and i'm a hopin' for raleigh i can see my baby tonight so rock me mama ♪ ♪ like a wagon wheel rock me mama anyway you feel hey mama rock me rock me mama like ♪ ♪ the wind and the rain rock me mama like
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a southbound train hey mama rock me ♪ ♪ runnin' from the cold up in new england i was born to be a fiddler in an ♪ ♪ old-time string band my baby plays the guitar i pick a banjo now oh the north country ♪ ♪ winters keep a gettin' me down lost my money playin' poker so i had ♪ ♪ to leave town but i ain't a turnin' back to livin' that old life no more ♪ ♪ so rock me mama like a wagon wheel rock me mama anyway you feel ♪ ♪ hey mama rock me yeah rock me mama like the wind and the rain ♪
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♪ rock me mama like a southbound train hey mama rock me walkin' to the south ♪ ♪ out of roanoke i caught a trucker out of philly had a nice long toke ♪ ♪ but he's a headed west from the cumberland gap to johnson city, tennessee i gotta get a move on ♪ ♪ before the sun i hear my baby callin' my name and i know that she's the only one ♪ ♪ and if i die in raleigh at least i will die free so rock me mama ♪ ♪ like a wagon wheel rock me mama anyway you feel hey mama rock me ♪ ♪ oh rock me mama like the wind and the rain rock me mama like a southbound train ♪ ♪ hey mama rock me oh rock me mama like a wagon wheel
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rock me mama ♪ ♪ anyway you feel hey mama rock me rock me mama like the wind and the rain ♪ ♪ rock me mama like a southbound train hey mama rock me ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank alyssa milano, chris "ludacris" bridges. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night mark ruffalo, the 2013 scrabble champs. and music from reggie watts. this is the cd, "true believers" is out now. you can see the full performance on jimmykimmellive.com.
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once again, darius rucker, good night. ♪ ♪ spring break tan skin girl i can't remember when i fell so fast ♪ ♪ knowing it could never last i got lost in the rhythm of the waves of the ocean ♪ ♪ lost in the sunset too i got lost in your eyes and the time don't you know it ♪

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