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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 25, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am EDT

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for that i would gladly hire him here. here is, this is an interesting tv show idea from england. they have a new show there called sex box. can you imagine that, cleto? they have a soundproof box set up in a tv studio, a couple goes into the box, has sex, and then they come out and discuss their experience. i think we have this show called "the bachelor." the fantasy suite instead of a box. the difference between this show and the bachelor is all of it happens in front of a live studio audience. how is that a show? people go in a box and have sex and they, what's going on in england? is this pippa middleton doing weird things over there we don't know about? you know what if i want to watch people have sex on stage, i will go to a miley cyrus concert, thank you very much. this is -- a little weird here
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in the united states. the braves beat the brewers in atlanta last night. watch this fan, bottom of the fourth inning. he is giving his girlfriend a little massage there. i hope it is his girlfriend. ha-ha-ha. you've see the umbrella behind it. can we circle that? in fairness to him, it does say grab some buds. so he did. this is good. this is local tv show that airs in birmingham. called "the talk of alabama" the host's name, ebony hall, her guest, rapper turned spoken word poet, marshal pope, i don't know what marshal's original plan was. at some point he decided to freestyle. i will let you enjoy the rest. >> so you are going to do a spoken word for us now, right? >> right. >> tell what we are about to hear? >> a freestyle. i am going to thing it up. >> freestyle. let me sit back. go ahead, marshal. >> years ago -- years ago they
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tried to put me in the -- this is live. >> did you want to try to read something from your book? >> yeah. >> jimmy: those improv classes -- and, you go on the show called "the talk of alabama" there is a good chance you might have to talk. texas senator ted cruz had quite a day yesterday. to protest a government bill that would fund obama care, senator cruz decided to take the floor of the senate, and keep speaking until he was no longer able to stand. at which point heap wou would collapse, be taken to the hospital and treat ford -- treated for exhaustion by obamacare. he spoke all last night, when added up he spoke for 21:19 in a
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row. my dad once spoke for about 21 hours in a row. it wasn't a protest. just a voice mail he left me about what time he was picking my cousin sally up at the airport. senator cruz's categorized as a filibuster he wasn't delivering a vote with it. this was just a tantrum. the speech was not the longest forever given on the senate floor it did tie the record for the dumbest. he brought up both "star wars" and ashton kucher during the speech and read "green eggs and ham" aloud it now replaced jumping on oprah's couch as the weirdest thing done by a cruz on television. in the end after 21 hours of railing against obamacare, cruz ended up vote sg ting the same all other senators. his speech didn't accomplish anything. but was a big event for c-span, so big that they're planning to run it again as a special over
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the weekend this weekend. >> tomorrow on c-span. 21 hours of uninterrupted ted. cruzapalooza. all thnonsensical highlights. >> sometime ago i tweeted a speech that ashton kucher gave. >> all the bad impressions. >> mike lee, i am your father. >> and inside info you won't get anywhere else. >> i am a big fan of eating white castle. burgers. >> cruzapalooza, followed by the senate's 50 greatest gavel bangs. only on the c. >> jimmy: all right. unlike senator cruz i am going to take a break. when we come back, we are going to find out who is more attractive me or justin timberlake. the results may surprise you or may likely they may not surprise you. but, plus john hamm, dave salmoni and music
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from sons of the sea. so come on back.
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>> jimmy: hello, welcome back. >> jimmy: tonight on the program,dave salmoni is here with wild animals. and they have a meal, between 9:00 p.m. and 5:00 a.m. you can imagine who they're targeting with this. but the munchy meal is two tacos, french fries, curly fries, and one of four new
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entrays, the stacked grilled cheeseburger, a hamburger topped with a grilled cheese sandwich. take a good look, for a lot of people this may be the last thing you ever see. are fast food restaurants thinking up hilarious ways to kill us? or maybe this is an elaborate ploy to lure paula deen out of hiding. jack in the box says the munchy meal can serve one adult american, two children, or africa, your choice. and it seems like the -- the stuff that these fast food places they're coming up with increasingly ridiculous items. so i thought we would turn this into a game. i want to show you a picture of a fast food item. you will guess if it is real or something we made up. okay? don't patronize me. all right. here is the first one, the glazed donut breakfast sandwich. you've had this? it is real.
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yeah, available at dunkin donuts. all right. this is the personal pizzarito. pizza served burrito style, ground beef, pepperoni and some kind of cheese. is that real? that one is fake. we did, we made that up. here is another one. another pizza-related item. the pizza cinnamon bun. real or fake? that is real. that is available at cinnabon. next we have the mac and cheese beef bowl. mac and cheese served in a bowl made of beef. a yeah, fake. that one is too disgusting even for america. finally this is the exploding cheesy chicken sandwich.
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this is a chicken sandwich stuffed with mozarella sticks. that is -- not only is that real. that is also available as the part of the jack in the box munchy meal. michelle obama has just asked the president to declare war on jack and his box. by the way if you are eating something with the word exploding in it, it's time to take a good, hard look in the mirror. clean your beard too while you are at it. justin timberlake was here last night. he put on a huge concert for 20,000 people camped outside on hollywood boulevard. particularly impressive kidding the fact that he was sick. he had a sinus infection i think. while i felt bad for justin. i saw his illness as an opportunity to top him. i sent a camera crew on hollywood boulevard to ask people in line who they would rather kiss, a healthy, strapping, sexually vital jimmy kimmel, or a disgusting,
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disease-ridden justin timberlake. let's find out how i did? >> who would you rather make out with healthy jimmy kimmel or sick justin timberlake? >> sick justin timberlake for sure. >> who would you rather make out with, healthy jimmy kimmel or sick justin timberlake. >> sick justin timberlake. >> healthy jimmy kimmel or, sick justin timberlake with a cold sore, bleeding in his mouth, and bacterial infection. >> justin timberlake. >> what if he has rabies. >> there is a shot for that? >> justin timberlake. >> what if he hadn't showered in two weeks? had cold sores all over his mouth. >> now i draw the line. >> i don't know. >> jimmy kimmel or sick justin with cold sores all over his mouth who just came out of dental surgery bleeding inside of his mouth. >> okay, fine, i will go with
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jimmy kimmel. >> who would you rather make out with healthy jimmy kimmel or sick justin timberlake? >> healthy jimmy kimmel. i mean, yeah. that man, whoo. i would make out with him all day. >> right back at you. i'll take what i can get. we have a good show for you tonight, dave salmoni is here with animals. and we'll be right back with john hamm! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by -- [ male announcer ] making a dodge in 100 easy steps.
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step 1 -- study the competition. step 2 -- get angry. they're boring. 3 -- make a car from scratch the dodge way. steps 4 through 28 -- recall 100 years of know-how. start building, try things. yes. make it different. not that different. bring muscle -- technology muscle, efficiency muscle. get it racing. get it in a calendar. more calendars. aww. polish it. punish it. and you're done. wait. one more. now you're done. ♪ every season is full of delicious surprises. for a limited time, savor the new pumpkin spice latte -- made with 100% rainforest alliance certified espresso. there's something new to love from mccafé.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, from animal planet, dave salmoni is here with animals. he's got a tiger, a leopard, a lion, a monkey, and a snuffleupagus, i think. and then, the front man from incubus, brandon boyd, has a new project. this is their brand new self-titled album. sons of the sea, from the sony stage. sons of the sea will be here. brandon also has a new book of his drawings and photographs
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called "so the echo." tomorrow night on the show. rebel wilson will be here, anthony bourdain will be with us, and we'll have music from avril lavigne. >> jimmy: our first guest is a multiply emmy-nominated and golden globe-winning actor who has talent, good looks and one of the most delicious last names in the history of man kind. you know him from six seasons on the great show "mad men." and now, alongside daniel radcliffe in the new mini-series "a young doctor's notebook" which premieres on the ovation network at 10 pm october 2nd. please welcome jon hamm. >> jimmy: beautiful beard. very masculine. >> okay. >> jimmy: you see that?
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that is a reflection of just how lazy i felt and lost. i couldn't make it to the bathroom to shave. that's how, how lazy i have been. >> jimmy: nice to grow it out every once in a while. >> i worked a lot this summer. is was in india making a movie. and then in london doing second series of young doctor's notebook. i got home. i didn't want to do anything. and this happened. >> jimmy: this happened. i saw in gq they had an exclusive interview with your stylist who gave, who explained. >> exclusive interview with my beard. >> jimmy: that would have made more sense. >> terrifying. >> jimmy: they asked your stylist how she went about grooming your beard. how did she? >> a lot like the monkey we sawen the open. just gets in there real good. be surprised what you find in there. can't really feel it if it gets long enough.
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>> jimmy: you are having throat problems. >> i have a polyp on my vocal chord. sound worse than it is. not as the bad as the "national enquirer" reported it. i was coughing up blood and probably have cancer. good to put that out there. >> jimmy: nice for the family to see back home. >> thanks a lot. because i cough up blood, never. >> jimmy: if you do, you should consult a doctor. >> immediately. my sister called me was like, something you want to tell us? i was like, no, why? >> jimmy: oh, really. >> we read you are probably going to die, wait, when? who have been talking to you. a very routine procedure. it is out. >> jimmy: anything with the party at the soho house the other night. >> no, no that was fun. >> jimmy: a funny also party. tell everyone what the, what the theme was. >> well we decided that everyone has parties for the winners after the emmies. and amy poehler and myself got together and decided we lost enough emmys we deserve off to
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hold the right to hold a losers' party. >> jimmy: the best part is they invited me before the emmys. >> now to be fair. >> jimmy: a safe bet. >> to be fair, we are also throwing this party and we were both nominated. we were very secure. there were way more winners than loser. great people. people we know. fun people. >> jimmy: a great rule you had if you were a winner. >> you could still come. you just had to leave your hardware outside. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and pay $1,000 to charity. >> jimmy: seems fair. >> come on in, have fun. >> jimmy: dancing a lot. i was surprised. didn't know you were such a dancer. >> got out there with it. nobody was really dancing. jane lynch and me. >> jimmy: yeah. that's right. >> kind of fun. j jane lynch is 6'2", all arms and legs.
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>> jimmy: no rumors if you are dancing with jane lynch all night. >> pretty secure. both of us are good. she is taller than me. heels on. fantastic. >> jimmy: when do you go back to "mad men." >> we start shooting november 4th. >> jimmy: do you know -- are you aware, has matthew well. -- told you how it will end for don draper on the show? >> i got broad strokes. he has a very specific idea. >> jimmy: why won't he tell you how it will end? >> he likes tight be a secret. i am okay. we don't know how our lives will end. i apparently will die of cancer according to the "national enquirer," soon. >> jimmy: now they're going to quote that and put it in the magazine. >> i wouldn't want to know that. >> jimmy: you are very, very different from don draper. you are a lot of fun in real life. funny guy. don draper very intense guy, very serious guy. but, yet, women especially go berserk for your character.
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>> not a great guy. he is not a great guy. >> jimmy: i thought it would be fun. to select, share intensity with the member of the studio audience and do john hamm makes uninterrupted eye contact with a member of our member of our studio audience for 20 second. that lady right there, you, the one, right behind you. you. you. come down here for a second. come down here for a second. now she is -- we don't know this woman. >> i don't have to shave for this >> jimmy: it's nice. come on up here. come on up. this is john hamm. aka don draper. >> what is your name? >> linda. >> now you are breaking the rules, linda. >> where are you from? >> san diego? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right, now you watch "mad men." >> absolutely. >> jimmy: you have seen every episode?
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>> yes. >> jimmy: you know how this works then? >> yes. >> jimmy: you and john stare into each other's eyes. try not to laugh. you will ruin intensity for this. for 20 second. are you ready? >> ready. >> ready. >> jimmy: let's begin. [ ominous music plays ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: beautiful. thank you very much. john hamm, everyone. we'll be right back. >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by -- [ sally ] my antidepressant worked hard to help with my depression.
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>> look at this stuff. on guard! >> careful. you can take an eye out. >> no, that's what this is for. oh, that's right. this is all new to you isn't it? >> is this an amputation saw? >> a blunt amputation saw. you have to work hard to cut
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through anything with that. watch out for the hot tap. it's lethal. almost hit my head on this a million times. yeah, i saw a lot of horror and tragedy in here. heavy days. >> jimmy: that is john hamm and daniel radcliffe "a young doctor's notebook." a fantasy sequence you are playing the same character. >> the whole thing. we play the same character. daniel radcliffe and i are the same person. as you can tell. >> jimmy: glad you said that. >> a flashback from my character's point of view to what he thinks of himself when he was younger. he goes sort of relives these past experiences as a young doctor in the middle of nowhere in russia in 1917. and now you are probably thinking i'm hooked.
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and you are right. you are. it is actually very funny. it is bloody, gory, weird, dark. >> jimmy: nice to see you and harry potter together. >> finally. finally. >> jimmy: for those that don't know. you are from saint louis. >> i am. >> jimmy: it is accurate to describe you as st. louis' favorite son? >> i'm up there. up there. >> jimmy: right up there. maybe a few baseball players. >> ozzie smith. few of those guys. >> jimmy: there is a pizza place i have been at odds with, called emo's pizza in saint louis. now this is a beloved chain in st. louis. >> it is. >> jimmy: in fact what we did, the pizza by the way is terrible. >> now -- hold on. there is, there is a 1 a to this. >> jimmy: bring it in,
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guillermo. we ordered emo's pizza from saint louis. >> jimmy: it is cold. >> jimmy: frozen. heated up. we had to tip the delivery driver a fortune. >> it is not cut. >> jimmy: i am going to cut it for you. >> famously cut in squares. g . >> jimmy: i thought i could settle it. i get a lot of abuse from people in saint louis whenever i make fun of their terrible, terrible pizza place. and, so, well you know what the emo's stataste like. i want to do a taste test. i have emo's. i mate you a pizza last night at my house which is clearly superior already. you have a little bit of that. i am going to dress this pizza here for you. i have some basil, from my garden. napkins for you. >> key with the square cut pizza. you want to get the middle piece. it has all the good stuff.
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>> jimmy: that's fine. i will give you a big piece of this one. i will put a little bit. >> you can taste the gateway arch. >> jimmy: a couple things. how ds that taste to you? >> 11 world series. >> jimmy: how does that taste? good? >> delicious. >> jimmy: i disagree. i am going to give you this. you please be honest. tell me which pizza you think is better, mine or emo's. >> jimmy e-mailed me last night. said what is your favorite pizza topping. and i said nothing. >> jimmy: mine too. i agree. >> cheese. >> jimmy: my favorite as well. >> all right, we agree on one thing. >> jimmy: we will see. we may agree on two things. keep in mind, i made it last night. not quite as fresh as it should be. which pizza is superior, emo's or jimo's. >> jimmy this is delicious pie. >> jimmy: yes. >> but i go again with the
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emo's. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> from st. louis. we have a lot of weird stuff. >> jimmy: hang out. >> tasted the raviolis? >> yes, they're disgusting also. hang on. we'll feed pizza to the animals. >> jimmy: jon hamm! "a young doctor's notebook" premieres october 2nd at 10pm on ovation. we'll be right back with dave salmoni and his wild animals. >> breaking bad finale airs sunday night. questions to be answered, who lives, who dies, none will be answered in this installment of three ridiculous questions with aaron paul.
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>> jimmy: ready? >> ever killed a mammal? >> saw a mouse fall from a balcony. >> jimmy: nothing to do with it? >> the balcony. took it off the sticky trap. it jumped and committed suicide. >> jimmy: what is your favorite traffic sign? >> wow, that is a really good question. >> jimmy: thank you. >> i like railroad crossing. >> jimmy: really good choice. >> good one, right. >> yeah. >> jimmy: aren't babies a miracle? >> babies are a miracle. you are a miracle. >> jimmy: are you calling me a baby? >> yes. >> jimmy: you want to do our secret handshake? >> i would love to do our secret handshake.
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>> jimmy: to our secret handshake. >> to our secret handshake. >> bushmill's irish whiskey the answer to all of life's ridiculous questions. until we see the new one. technology doesn't wait. ♪ why should you? introducing at&t next... a new way to get a new device every year. zero down payment, no upgrade fee, no activation fee, no financing fee. it's time to rethink how you get a new device. ♪
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>> jimmy: hello there, we are back. our next guest and i both love animals. i prefer to eat them, but to each his own. he's here tonight to scare me for your amusement. from animal planet, please welcome dave salmoni and his animal friends. >> hey, dave, how are you doing? wow, look at that thing. so -- >> you go that way. >> jimmy: john, you look animals? >> sure. >> the dangerous side i talked about. this is a snow leopard. >> jimmy: aren't they white snow leopards. >> the lighter color. as the it gets colder. the whiten the fur will start coming out more. >> how much colder is it going to get? >> jimmy: how old?
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>> you want to hold one? a chance to got a big tough, dangerous animal in your arms? >> jimmy: what makes you think i want a chance. >> give him to you. grab the bum. right into yourself. that's it. suck him into yourself. the bum side this way. let this arm go a little bit. and looking around. ears full. >> jimmy: look how relax i'd am? >> have him stay on the desk. >> jimmy: yeah, that seems better. >> the favorite thing about this guy, if you can lift him a little bit. john, you hold him. your suit -- the big, big long tail is an adaptation to hunting. always hunting on the mountains. and they'll use that to counter balance as they're chasing things up and down the mountain. >> jimmy: what kind of things do they chase and eat?
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>> anything in the mountains. anything that is smaller than them. mountain sheep. mountain goats. they're basically anything in the mountain thousands. >> jimmy: what do you feed this animal? >> beef, chicken. >> jimmy: fried chicken? >> nothing cooked. >> jimmy: does he eat at jack in the box. they have good things. >> the other favorite thing, cold temperature, short ears, short nose. helps them not lose the heat from the sources. now going to hand it off now. >> jimmy: is this woman with you? >> yeah. >> any body wants to take a cat. just give it. >> jimmy: look at this. >> hi, sweetheart. >> started out cute. and it is scary. >> see it like that. nice big hug. let her calm down. >> jimmy: what animal is this? >> a lion. >> jimmy: lion. that is cute. cute one. >> so, this is one i probably won't hand off. as much as she is, looks super sweet. this one bites a lot.
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>> jimmy: really. >> really bad temper. >> jimmy: what did you got bitten by? >> i had my forearm torn off by a lion. >> jimmy: what do you mean bit off? >> oh, wow. you are bleeding right now. >> i was practicing. >> jimmy: don't they sense fresh blood like sharks. >> stay away from the mouth dangerous end. >> jimmy: i stay away from the whole thing. the spots down here. young at this age. mom would tell her to hide. hide in the bushes. mom goes get food. >> jimmy: do adult lions, are they aware the young ones are cute. >> adult lions. mom gets food. grab her by the back of the neck. have her carry her. this one likes to be held bike thi -- held like this. john, you want to try? >> don't let her bite your face.
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>> jimmy, you want to go for it. >> jimmy: no. the animal enjoys being held like that. >> ears come forward. muscles on her back. when you are with dangerous animals. she is going to be 350 pound. hunts in groups. you guys keep eating pizza like that. she will hunt in the group. so, she is a lot different than the snow leopard that will hunt by itself. this guy, yes, she has, she will be 350 pounds. and the boys will be 200 pound bigger than her. >> jimmy: 550 pound. what else do we have coming out here? >> an all-cat show this one. this is really -- the show that i think i am going to convince you to fall in love with. >> jimmy: oh, no. that one is big, way too big. >> look at the claws. >> jimmy: thought these are babies. >> this one is 4 months. a nice big claw. they'll come over.
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pet the nondangerous end. >> jimmy: what tiger is this? >> siberian tiger. pat the back there. >> jimmy: this came from siberia? >> it would be in the wild. the message i try to tell people. they don't make good pets. these guys, they look cute like this. but they're not. >> jimmy: why don't they make good pets? >> sweetheart. make sure he doesn't back into you. put your hand there. >> jimmy: how do i do that? >> come closer. >> this is the good tiger, calms her down. john, this is how they greet them. how you say hello to a tiger. >> didn't you live with a tiger. >> face to face. put your nose up to her. >> jimmy: oh. >> that's good tiger manners. i had tigers live with me.
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>> jimmy: you have. but you don't recommend it. >> these are the animals that if you have them and you don't know what you are doing they will kill you. not that they might. this is the best killer on land. >> jimmy: are you going to kill us? are you going to kill us? >> do you want to hold him? >> jimmy: no, i do not. tie don't want to be killed. >> did you pet him? >> jimmy: no i didn't. should i pet him? >> presideaw >> pet his back. >> jimmy: a new show? >> five of the most remote island. went face to face with some of the island animals. >> sharks. >> jimmy: what is wrong with you? the scarier the animals the better. >> they're not scary when they're calm and relaxed. how to know not to get yourself bit up. >> jimmy: one of the most important things you can learn. >> i remember when weep f first started hanging out. you wouldn't hold a rabbit. look at this. you can tell everybody you are hanging with a tiger. >> jimmy: can we feed the animal
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pizza? thank you for bringing the animals. and dave salmoni. what is it called again? >> deadly island. >> jimmy: john hamm too. i'm scared. we'll be right back with music from sons of the sea. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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you, uh, here for the interview? yeah... is that...? it is! (sigh) naomi, i take it? i'm tracey. your résumé is fantastic... (slurping) with authentic, expertly crafted roasts
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and legendary brews, eight o'clock is the coffee for those who put coffee first. (slurp) (whirring) >> jimmy: their self-titled album, "sons of the sea" is out now. here is "come together." ♪ ♪ you float into the room a ruffled feather a hint of your perfume is a comely tether ♪ ♪ give back my heart you stole ♪ ♪ chased down the rabbit hole ♪ ♪ it's un-debatable we come together ♪
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♪ we come together we come together ♪ ♪ baby could we spend a month here tonight ♪ ♪ 'til we both are painted by morning light ♪ ♪ whoever made you must've had a talent for high design ♪ ♪ how in the world did you get to be so fine ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ♪ ♪ i'd wait around with you for worse or better ♪ ♪ but our halcyon days are few it's now or never ♪ ♪ the writing's on the wall if i can't walk i would crawl you rise above them all ♪ ♪ we come together we come together
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we come together ♪ ♪ when i think that maybe i've seen too much ♪ ♪ you come around and dammit i'm out of touch ♪ ♪ now i see you and i need you ♪ ♪ on repeat all the time ♪ ♪ how in the world did you get to be so fine ♪ ♪ baby could we spend a month here tonight ♪ ♪ 'til we both are painted by morning light ♪ ♪ whoever made you must've had a talent for high design ♪ ♪ how in the world did you get to be so fine ♪ ♪ ooh
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♪ when i think that maybe i've seen too much ♪ ♪ you come around and dammit i'm out of touch ♪ ♪ now i see you and i need you ♪ ♪ on repeat all the time ♪ ♪ how in the world did you get to be so fine ♪ ♪ na-na-na-na-nah ♪ na-na-na-na-nah ♪ na-na-na-na-nah ♪ na-na-na-na-nah ♪ now i see you and i need you ♪ ♪ on repeat all the time ♪ ♪ how in the world did you get to be so fine ♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: sons of the sea is new and out now. you can see bonus at jimmykimmel.com. >> jimmy: i want to thank jon hamm, dave salmoni. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night - rebel wilson, anthony bourdain and music from avril lavigne. nightline is next. thanks for watching. goodnight! tonight on "nightline" -- you have seen it happen on the fictional "nashville" stars born in an instant.
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a i'll make you a deal. >> reporter: this is how it is really done in music city. and for this aspiring star it all comes down to one performance. ♪ i know that your bad days >> reporter: so will her nashville dreams come true? call the on tape, from entering the building and taking out his gun. we have the chilling new video of the navy yard shooter. and just eight days ago, new zealand was poised to snatch america's cup away from team usa. what happened next is the stuff of legends. we'll look at the salty billionaire and the amazing boat that pulled off the biggest comeback in international sports hi
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good evening.

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