they're too young to settle down. miley is 20 years old. when you are 20, you need to be out there and jump on as many wrecking balls as you can. you have to grab life by the sledgehammer and weirdly lick it. and this is funny. people suspected there was trouble in the relationship when miley unfollowed liam on twitter. unfollowing on twitter its the modern equivalent of throwing the engagement ring at his head. these are people. breakups are difficult. that's why this morning i was glad to see that our nation's news media covered this story with sensitivity. >> miley cyrus, now we want to confirm, it didn't work out. >> it is over. miley and liam. >> twerking. >> it didn't twerk out. >> it did not twerk out. >> it was not twerking out. >> no longer twerking on her relationship. >> maybe her twerking isn't working.

>> i guess her twerking wasn't working. >> miley cyrus, couldn't make up her relationship, make it work or twerk. as she likes to refer to it. >> looks like miley and liam won't be able to twerk things out. >> apparently the words rhyme with each other. nailed it again. ha-ha. you know there is an embarrassing trend among college students i do not quite understand. a study published in "the wall street journal" that says 8% of recent college graduates brought their parents to the interview. 3% had their parents sitting in the interview. can you imagine that? i would never bring my parents. dates, yes, always. but job interview? no. the only time it is acceptable to bring your parents to a job

interview if you are auditioning for "american idol" and they wait outside the door. even then, honestly it is not that okay. i cannot imagine what that would be like to have parents sitting there, while you are being interviewed for a job. so to help me with that, to conserve my imagination, my staff came up with something to illustrate this phenomenon, called "i wonder what that would look like." >> so, tell me a little bit about yourself. >> he is almost done playing mine craft. >> we gave him 30 minutes to finish up the level. >> cooper has a shrimp allergy. >> he meditates an hour. >> the windows let in a lot of light. is the glass uv protected. he has a skin condition. >> please, shut up. >> that's our cooper, so independent.

>> we are so proud of you. >> okay, you can leave now. >> oh. >> great. wonderful. thank you so much. >> let's go, son. >> all right. >> okay. >> on three. >> one, two, three. >> here we go. >> don't pull my legs so hard. >> sorry, coop. >> thank you for your time. bye-bye now. >> good job, sweetie. >> jimmy: they forgot the epi-pen. that is what -- in lieu of your imagination, we provided that. this one doesn't make much sense either. a study out of stanford suggests that using social media is making us smarter. the study examined hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. by 2006, the papers were longer, better researched, more complex than 1917. right, because kids in 2006, cut and pasted them from wikipedia. did people have pencils. the fact of the matter is that we are not getting smarter.

our phones are getting smarter. i don't know my home phone number. my cell phone has the the information. phones in the old days were very, very dumb. it's not us. it's them. oh, by the way, sunday night, do not forget the emmy award. i believe this year they're on cbs. the emmy award are a chance to honor the actors everyone loves and the writers, directors, producers no one cares about. ♪ ♪ who let the dogs out ♪ who let the dogs out ♪ >> jimmy: thought i turned this off. >> jimmy, it's stephen. >> hey, stephen merchant. >> i was wondering how much longer i have to sit back here, mate. >> jimmy: i need to finish the monologue. then amy poehler, then you it will be quick. >> i'm bored out of my mind. i read the magazines. ate the sandwiches, what is

senate sa petzed to wrap it in let us. is that supposed to give it flavor. have i got time for a quick mani/pedi at least. >> jimmy: yeah, time for a quick mani/pedi. sorry, stephen, my other line. >> jimmy: hello? >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm good. i'm good. how much longer until i come out? >> jimmy: you are up next. one more segment, you are up. >> great. also do you have any spray butter? >> jimmy: not on me. but i am sure we can find you some, yeah. >> i would love it if you could fiend me some spray butter. i scant come out until i get spray butter. >> jimmy: that makes no sense. yeah, we'll got you spray butter. >> you can hatch my spray butter. >> jimmy: anything else i can help you guys with. >> can you give me some?

>> no, we are good, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, guys. >> speed it up. >> jimmy: okay. i will speed it up. all right. thanks. they called me on my phone. i have to say this is amazing. because, my phone has the the miraculous ability to provide individually to all. all right, we need to take a break. when we come back, security guard gillermo has "mucho" a lot to share, and we have music from bastille, and we've also got amy poehler, and stephen merchant. [ male announcer ] when you have sinus pressure and pain,

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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. amy poehler, stephen merchant is with us. we have music from bastille. last week, we premiered a show within a show, guillermo, it is "mucho" the show extra and instead of mario lopez, after our show, extra called and invited guillermo to appear on their show. >> jimmy kimmel does some of the best skits in the business. best skits. extra was proud to be part of the spoof mucho, featuring the man all kimmel fans love, guillermo, the security guard. he did such a great job the why not invite him to our new home here at universal, guillermo. nice work. how are you feeling? >> guillermo: great.

>> we've run out of time for today. that's our show. tune in tomorrow. >> [ bleep ]. >> we'll have scarlet johannsen and hugh jackman. good night. >> jimmy: top caliber acting. we put the rumor to rest that guillermo and mario lopez are the same person. mucho is a hit. with so much going on in hollywood, it is time to check in with a portly reporter guillermo. >> tonight on "mucho" justin bieber's hot new video. we got an up close look at both his nipples. and jean luc at this. why is patrick stewart's face surrounded by balls. breaking babies, you have seen the kim zolciak instagram but only we have the ultrasound. look who is going bald? and hard hitting interview with britney spears. >> do you think you are ready for las vegas? >> i am definitely ready.

>> oh, okay. >> and an exclusive look at amanda's foot. all this and mucho mas. on "mucho" we are live from hollywood center. the mall. mucho! >> hola, everyone and welcome to mucho. i am guillermo, i am here with the exclusive scoop. first, let's check in with late night funny man, jimmy kimmel. jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: i am fine, guillermo. keep going. i don't need to be in this. >> jimmy, emmys are on sunday. the show is up for three award. are you nervous? >> jimmy: i'm not. not really. >> he's nervous, everybody. he's nervous-pervous. >> jimmy: do the stories of the people. all right. >> time to get to the stories.

let's take a visit. >> guillermo: miley are you cyrus? well it looks like liam hemsworth has an achy breaky heart tonight. miley cyrus, she is not going to be anyone's ball and chain. mimy says she is too busy to get married. but mucho learned exclusively that she might be pregnant with robin thicke. >> mucho! >> look at the baby bump. >> that is not a baby bump. and miley cyrus is not pregnant with any one's baby. >> whose baby is she having? >> she weighs 53 pounds. >> that is exclusive. mucho saying that miley down to 53 pounds. what a skinny minnie. now it is time to make the mucho instant poll! [ cheers and applause ] we asked you about brad pitt new haircut.

is it brad-tastic or pit? let's see the results. 75%, say brad-tastic. 55% say the pits. >> jimmy: that's more than 100%? >> that's right. i look to give 110 all the time. time for my exclusive interview with britney spears. roll the tape! >> exclusivo. >> thank you for doing my mucho exclusivo interview? what sound does a mouse make? >> good question. >> is it like -- >> eh. >> thank you, britney spears. >> mucho! >> that's it for now. tune in next time for exclusive video of a colonoscopy. it will be disgusting. until next time, i'm guillermo. mucho.

>> jimmy: thank you. we have wonderful guests for you tonight -- stephen merchant with us, and music from bastille, and right back with amy poehler. so stick around! ♪ ♪ vo: how does verizon's 4g lte network rate with our blue shirt?

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jimmy: tonight on the program, an exceptionally funny man who co-created "the office" and the show "extras.' he has a new one called "hello ladies" premiering september 29th on hbo. stephen merchant is here. and then, with music from their brand new album "bad blood", bastille from the sony outdoor stage. tomorrow night, from breaking bad, aaron paul will be here, from "betrayal", hannah ware will join us, and we'll have music from jim james. and then on thursday, james caan, morena baccarin, and

grouplove. i should mention we announced two huge free concerts next week on monday. we'll shut down hollywood boulevard for paul mccartney. and the night after that we'll shut it down again for justin timberlake. if you want tickets to either of those shows go to this website, jkltickets.com. tickets are free. you have to have them. if you don't we'll kick you out of the neighborhood. our first guest is at this very moment an emmy-nominated television actress-and for her that is honor enough. her award-worthy show "parks & recreation" returns to nbc september 26th, please welcome amy poehler. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you for coming. great to see you. >> thank you, thank you for having me. >> jimmy: happy birthday. your birthday yesterday. >> yeah, my birthday yesterday. virgo.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you do anything big? a party or anything like senate ,0 ,0 -- like that? >> i was swimming with my little guy, my 3-year-old. i had to help him get out of the pool. i went in to get him and my phone was in my back pocket. my phone was destroyed. >> jimmy: great. did you punish him? >> i punished him severely. i took away his phone. >> jimmy: in your life how important is the phone? >> i was going to say that now i realize for the rest of my life on my birthday i am going to try to give myself a break from the phone. i had 36 hours away from my phone. it was really nice. i am very addicted to my phone. >> jimmy: you are. >> i am realizing it now. >> jimmy: are you constantly checking? >> yeah, the phone is like a

weird like -- like dysfunctional boyfriend that always treats you kind of badly, doesn't really give you a lot but always makes you feel like he really loves you. and so i was away from it for 36 hours. and i realize that when you -- don't have your phone you talk to people, you look at them in the eye, you have great conversations and you drive better. >> jimmy: let me ask you when you get to the stoplight do you text or check? >> no. i actually do a thing. where i throw my phone on the other seat so i won't be tempted to do it. it is really super scary. >> jimmy: do you ever change your mind? >> i do all the time. i swerve to get the phone i threw over there. it's really dangerous. >> jimmy: trying to see how addicted you are. when you get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, do you look at the phone? >> of course. >> jimmy: wow. that is -- >> it's weird. >> jimmy: do you think women are more attached to their phones than men are. >> i heard this theory. i don't know.

women are better at multitasking. >> jimmy: what a way to turn that into a positive by the way. well, women are better at multitasking. >> i don't know, jimmy, it is just i guess women look to be connected to the world. men are really selfish. i don't know. yes, i guess. >> jimmy: you are probably right. probably right. your sons are, your son is 3? >> archie is 5. able is 3. >> jimmy: how is archie doing? >> great. he is in school. in kindergarten. it is really great. he comes home with a lot of information. like a bad game of telephone. everything is a little off. but really cute. so yesterday he said to me, you know, mom we are made out of meat. and i said, yeah, i guess. like meat and bones. like -- it is tissue and like, there is meat inside us. i said yeah, i think you are right. and then, he said, and also, what does furniture mean? ha-ha. >> jimmy: how do you explain what furniture means.

>> i was like, chairs and tables are furniture. come on, jimmy. >> jimmy: i don't know. then you get into weird things an ottoman. is that furniture? >> a good question. first grade. leave that up to the teachers. >> jimmy: is your, son able -- >> able is so cute. he has got red hair and a lisp. which is just a jackpot for me. >> jimmy: yeah. sitcom boy. >> he is just -- and his lisp is so cute. and we try to pimp him to get, like to say things with his lisp. >> jimmy: you do? >> it is so cute. >> jimmy: what do you try to get him to say. >> he doesn't like spicy salsa. so we always say do you want this? >> i don't like spicy salsa. and we go, what is this? and he goes it's spicy salsa. i say you do you like it? i don't like spicy salsa. we make him say it over and

over. i can't wait for my children to get on the road and make some money for me. that's what i want. >> jimmy: give them to me. i will make some money with them. i'll figure it out. >> can't wait to retire have my kids support me. we will take a break, and when we come back, guess who will still be here, amy poehler. we'll be right here. >> oh. who's that?

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>> we're back with amy poehler, and you will be at the emmys. congratulations, you are nominated for multiple emmys. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you will be presenting, do people know you are presenting? >> i think so now. they do. >> jimmy: with tina fey at the emmys. you are quite a duo when it comes to award shows? >> yeah, we have a good time together. >> jimmy: do you get nervous and hash it out? >> presenting can be pressure. when you are not hosting. it is great. >> jimmy: it is better to not be hosting. >> it is, right. you could actually for the first time in your life get stoned at one of these things. >> jimmy: that would be something. that would be a weird thing to do. >> wouldn't it be weird. just one time. >> jimmy: who could do something like that? >> who would do something like that? >> jimmy: what a terrible message for the children. i think we know why you drowned your iphone now, huh? >> i am excited to be there and

not doing much. >> jimmy: i watched parks and recreation. i got an advance copy of your first episode. very funny. which is set in partly in london, england. >> yes, london, england. >> jimmy: how did you con them sending you all the way to london for the show. >> we had a good reason. one of our beloved cast members, chris pratt in london shooting for a movie. we used that as an excuse to go all over there. >> jimmy: chris carries a lot of weight. and chris is super muscular and fit. >> he lost 50 pounds. super jacked. when he puts on his andy outfit he looks the same. >> jimmy: you can see something is going on, steroid wise. >> he had a lot. we all are. >> jimmy: all work or fun? >> it was fun. we got to tour around. shot in london. got to countries while we were there. spent time in paris a little

bit. it was really frustrating because we stayed in a hotel and i had to kind of make plans for the ten of us to go to dinner. and i encountered a very like, very french concierge, which i believe is a french word, yeah? >> jimmy: i would think so, yeah. >> it's french for difficult [ bleep ]. ha-ha. >> jimmy: is it? >> yes. no, but you know, all those french are so rude. one of those stories. the guy was hilarious. can we find a place for dinner? he was like, you can. i don't think so. i don't think you will be successful. concierge, could you point us to a place? well, i don't feel like this is going to work out. so, i said -- >> jimmy: lovely. what about sweden, you shot a show your brother is producing in sweden? >> yes. a swedish. my brother lives in sweden.

we have a company we are doing some tv over there. in english and swedish. swedes, well first of all thank you for pimping me into doing a great accent. watch how great my swedish accent is. very different from my french accent. ha-ha-ha. but, but the swedes are really direct. and i went visited him on set. and the swedes when you do a take. they're look, cut. it wasn't good. we did not like it. and we think we should throw it away. if you want to put on some kind of garbage show, we can do that. >> jimmy: they said that to you? >> they did. i wasn't acting. i was just visiting. >> jimmy: there you go. the season premiere of parks and recreation, thursday, december 26th on nbc. amy poehler, everybody. we'll be right back with stephen merchant! [ berman ] applebee's 2 for $20 menu

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something new to love from mccafé. settle in with pumpkin spice latte, >> jimmy: welcome back.

our next guest is an enormously talented and just plain enormous man. he's the emmy and golden globe winning co-creator of "the office" and "extras." and his new sitcom, starring himself, is called "hello ladies." it premieres september 29th on hbo. please welcome stephen merchant. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> hello. >> jimmy: good to see you. i watch your show it is funny. >> thank you, that is sweet of you. how did you get ahold of it? illegally downloaded? >> it was delivered to me by a courier. in french means rude [ bleep ]. we learned that earlier. i know you. we don't know each other very well. we spent a little time together. watching it, does seem like this is largely based on you for

real. >> right. well, the show is about a nerdy, 6'7", english guy who can't score with girls. what aspect of that have you witnessed that you felt was maybe similar to the real me? >> jimmy: we were at a party once, you came in about two hours late. you were, white as a sheet. and something, somebody had hit you with the car. >> i had a car crash on the way. it was a surprise birthday party. i have never successfully got to a surprise birthday party on time. i was driving a volvo. i have to have the seat so far back because obviously im so tall. and the car ahead of me stopped, in the middle of the street. i hit the back of him. the airbag want off. but it didn't reach me. it was -- it just like went and -- it was like a some one had come into the room and, went, no, no, no.

and -- but i was like. volvos are supposed to be the safest car in the word. some one in volvo should get a giant crash test dummy and stick him in there. >> jimmy: walked out of it fine? everything was okay. when people see the show they will understand what i am talking about. because you do, you are not smooth, i think is probably. >> i am not a smooth operator. i try so hard. i want to be james bond. i want to be smooth and cool. a lot of the show is, a lot of hopefully quite smart humor. lot of physical stuff. i like doing physical humor. that's partly it occurs to me naturally in real life. it's always been the case. i remember when i was at college. i bought a shirt to us impress this girl. first time i realize i'd am fundamentally cool. i am cheap. i don't like spending money on clothes. i'm on tv, i should be getting them free i'm on tv.

i bought a shirt, maroony, silk, it wasn't actually, no sibling, never seen silk. like 90%, polyester, 10% straw or something. it was really cheap. i wore this shirt to this party. and i was, i was talking to this girl. i thought it was going great. she was laughing. seemed engaged. at one point she said to me, steve, you're on fire. and i went, thanks very much. and she went, no, you are actually on fire. i look around there was a candle on the mantle piece, my sleeve had gone up. just flaming. rapidly. it was like. i am not at my sexiest when i am jumping on the floor screaming like a girl. please put me out. >> jimmy: very few people are. >> yeah. and i -- >> jimmy: that ruined the mood? >> ruined the mood a little. forget the girl. i was obsessed with the shirt. i spent money on this shirt. and it was ruined. i kept saying to people. could i get a seam, could i get my mom to add a seam. she did. my mom added a seam to it.

i continued to wear it on ill-fated dates. >> jimmy: here in l.a., has l.a. welcomed you warmly? are you -- more comfortable here? >> well, i feel like, you know, i know people and i feel like sort of plugged in. it continues. the same thing happens. you will not believe the story. when i tell you, you will for . i swear this happens three weeks ago. i was invited, wasn't invited. i want to a party with some friends. i never get invited to parties. and it was a party at the home of the comedian sarah silverman. i don't know if you know her? >> jimmy: i do know her. i don't think i was invited. >> i didn't see you there. so i was there. one of nigh anything -- one of my anxieties, i don't know if you know, anxieties is making a fool of myself in front of comedians, comedians they never let you forget i you embarrass yourself in front of a comedian, every time they will destroy you and

bring that back up. >> jimmy: like the volvo thing. >> i am at this party. great party. 200 people. in her apartment block. and really nice. lots of cool people. interesting women. fascinating people. i met, saw, garry shandling, and it was great. and then some one said do you want some chocolate? sure. i'm english, we love chocolate. why not? and in england if some one gives you've chocolate it is just chocolate, jimmy. in california, in california, it's not just chocolate. and there was something in there. that i have not to this point been able to identify. >> jimmy: you had no idea. >> man, alive. like i just -- it was just, it was some kind of recreational thing that's popular in the california state. and it was in this, and i ate it. and i'm a big unit. i can handle. >> jimmy: always said that about

second. and i was fine, for, about 30 second. and then i just, i went into a hole of just darkness and despair. like the world just closed in around me. i couldn't, people were talking to me. i was making plans with people i didn't want to make plans with. i'm just high and for a while i just had to lie down at the party. lie down in the middle. people partying around me. giant 6'7", domesticated creature, just lying. and then, and then, i went to the bathroom for a while. and just stared at myself in the mirror. because that's -- seemed sensible. it made no difference. i was there for hours. then i walk back out into the party. i thought i must get some air. i walked toward outside area. but in my weird fuzzy state, the route i took took me straight through an eight-foot plate glass window. i walked straight through the

glass. it shattered in its entirety. every shard of glass, fell, the noise, the party just stopped. everyone turned. 200 people just staring. i walked through it. now i was outside. outside. just staring back. glass everywhere. my first thought was how much is this going to cost? second thought i swear my second thought was at least i have a story for jimmy kimmel. and -- >> jimmy: thank you. >> that was, suddenly i saw all these comedians, they turn, looking like piranha fish. okay. seems to be okay. minor graze on the head. cut on the head. fine. reached for the phones. phones out, photos, e-mailing friend. >> wish i received one of those. >> you know. i took the liberty. someone took a picture for me afterward. i brought the picture.

give it to you to take a look. two things to point out on the photograph. firstly, look at the color of the glass. it was brown glass. dark. wasn't even transparent glass. it was basically, the closest you could be to being a wall without being a wall. but secondly, this sums up hollywood for you. 200 people there from hollywood right. they had to get in a hispanic cleaning lady at 2:00 a.m., not one of them could get a broom. >> jimmy: you know what, i think your mom could fix this. >> bet she could. >> jimmy: well, there you go. it really happened. or you did something ridiculous to prove a story. it's great to see you. thank you so much. watch his show. september 29th, on hbo. stephen merchant, everybody! we will be right back with bastille!

you, uh, here for the interview? yeah... is that...? it is! (sigh) naomi, i take it? i'm tracey. your résumé is fantastic... (slurping) with authentic, expertly crafted roasts and legendary brews, eight o'clock is the coffee for those who put coffee first. (slurp) (whirring)

for those who put coffee first. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: their new album is called "bad blood", here all the way from london with the song, "pompeii", bastille.

♪ eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh ♪ ♪ eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh i was left to my own devices many days fell ♪ ♪ away with nothing to show and the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love great clouds roll over the hills ♪ ♪ bringing darkness from above but if you close your eyes does it almost feel like nothing changed at all and if ♪ ♪ you close your eyes does it

almost feel like you've been here before how am i gonna be an optimist about ♪ ♪ this how am i gonna be an optimist about this we were caught up and lost in all of our vices in your pose as the dust ♪ ♪ settled around us and the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love great clouds roll over the hills bringing darkness from ♪ above but if you close ♪ your eyes does it almost feel like nothing changed at all and if you close your eyes does it almost feel like you've been here before how am i ♪ ♪ gonna be an optimist about

this how am i gonna be an optimist about this eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh oh where do we begin ♪ ♪ the rubble or our sins oh where do we begin the rubble or our sins and the walls kept tumbling down in the city oh where do we begin that we love the rubble ♪ ♪ bring darkness from above if you close your eyes does it almost feel like ♪ nothing

changed at all and if you close your eyes does it almost feel like you've been here before how am i gonna be an ♪ ♪ optimist about this how am i gonna be an optimist about this if you close your eyes does it almost feel like ♪ nothing changed at all eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh ♪ ♪ eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh ♪ oh eh eh oh eh oh ♪ this is bastille's album "bad blood." it is out now. see the bonus at jimmykimmellive.com. >> jimmy: i want to thank amy poehler, stephen merchant. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night, aaron paul, hannah ware and music from jim james. thank you for watching. "nightline" is next. good night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ,,,,

tonight on "nightline" -- guess what? you can eat sugar and plenty of it. at least according to this guy.

>> there is nothing wrong with candy not a bad word. >> he built a business crusading against the calorie cops. his message, just say yes to your next big candy crush. ♪ ♪ >> america's favorite bosom buddies. dolly parton and kenny rodgers come clean. >> i think he has grown into his facelift now. he looks great. >> on rumors about their romance and what it takes to preserve your most valuable assets. >> i am willing to sacrifice my health for the boobs, i am. >> feed frenzy, why "the new york times" had to apologize to the super mario brothers. what's going on between kimmel and kanye? >> we are rock stars, i'm the biggest of all of them!