for rick lazio's new york senate campaign. hillary clinton wants an all-homosexual army. how will that affect my family? well, thankfully, those days are behind you. your billboard's going up in times square. you're releasing an endangered falcon during halftime at the knicks game. and... you're booked on the today show. oh, wow, the today show! oh, m--ahh. i just wish my mom were still alive so i could rub it in her fat face. [mumbles] really? uh, come with me. [gasps] he's having another party. [audio slowed down] howdy. hope you can make it. see ya there. [gasps] [gasps] what's up, lemon? i'm hiding from kenneth. i don't wanna get roped into another one of his terrible parties. i'm always the only person who shows up. [playing organ]

[imitating austin powers] happy halloween, baby. how could no one go to ken's party? he's such a great dude. will you come, please? no, i can't. i only go to a-list events. ohh, i don't wanna be stuck there alone with him again. don't sweat it, 'cause i'm gonna bail you out. i'm gonna turn ken's jam into a major event. [scoffs] good luck with that. see, all a hot party needs is mystique. a buzz. see, people are like lemmings. harvey lemmings, my lawyer, who never misses a party. that's not a real person. you made that up. i just have to start a little rumor. who are the biggest gossips on tgs? (both) grizz and dotcom. so, greenzo, what else can kids and parents do to protect the environment? (jared) well, kids, you can tell your parents to buy a g.e. front-loading washing machine to save water. 'cause if the earth's not here, where else is greenzo gonna dance? [rock drumbeat]

thanks for getting the message out, greenzo. you're saving the world. did you hear what mary said about me saving the world? sorry, everybody, that's meredith viera. the today show wants to give us a recurring segment now. lemon, i want you to write them up. i want the sketches to be punchy and entertaining, so don't treat it like your show. all right, but only because i like earth. jared, we'll send you some stuff. oh, i'd like to sit in and give notes. make sure it's got that greenzo voice. it's wry and wise, but--but also very sexual. walk with me, lemon. look how greenzo's testing. they love him in every demographic. colored people, broads, fairies, commies. gosh, we gotta update these forms. yeah, well, greenzo seems to love himself too. so does don geiss. he sent me a personal card congratulating me. with a real signature!

wow, if you licked the envelope, you could clone him, and then you'd have two geisses. yeah, right, lemon. i'm gonna clone geiss, then compete with a geiss clone for the ceo position? think it through. [gasps] goon! ms. lemon, mr. donaghy, i'm just a simple pig farmer's son. but i would be honored if you'd come to a party at my home. oh, whatever, fine. i'll come. super. mr. d? uh, no. i could make up some excuse, kenneth, but i have too much respect foyou. during your party, i'll be home, listening to some schubert. and, uh, ironically, viewing some canadian pornography. hope you're ready to party like it's 1999. which, according to my bible, will be in seven years. [sniffs] oh, what is that smell? [sniffs] that is the body spray that came with my new leather jacket. oh, my god. are you having an affair? what? no. why would you say that? because you're acting all happy and full of life. liz, you're crazy. yeah, and you're married, remember, pete?

your beautiful wife paula. and your sons, robert and jack. and that creepy little one who's always rubbing himself against the carpet. liz...i'm not cheating on paula. you better not be! oh, great, now i smell like midlife crisis! here's a tip, cerie. decide what you want before you open the refrigerator. you just released enough hydro fluorocarbons to kill a penguin. this penguin. you ever take off that costume? you ever take off yours? greenzo out! did he just talk to me like i'm ugly? hey, fellas. i heard a secret about kenneth's party. ken went to high school in georgia with the rapper t.i. and, boys... t.i. might show up. but listen... we can't let anyone know. anyone! got it? right.

yo, we gotta tell josh. he'll finally think we're cool. i'm not really into t.i. uh...fall out boy will be there too. i love fall out boy! mm-hmm. we know. you're just trying to get me to go 'cause you want a ride. dude, have you seen the dancers on t.i.'s tour? i hear they're gonna be foxy boxing. i'm telling you, cerie, it is gonna be awesome. t.i., fall out boy, foxy boxing. sounds hot. but i have my four girl cousins visiting from holland this week. do you think you can get them in? i'll die 1,000 deaths before i fail you. they get so drunk. uhh! get outta the way! get outta the way! hey, cerie, what's going on this weekend? i mean, i know lots of dope stuff, of course. now, i just wanna make sure that you knew about it. are bare feet in now, or do you just have your shoes off? well, kenneth is having this really, really big party.

yes, that's right, you heard me! t.i. is gonna be at kenneth's party! you're my publicist. get me in! oh, also, could you try to kill that story about my mom being homeless? i love t.i. please, respect celebrity privacy. [whispering] it's a party? [whispering] yes, but don't tell anybody. shh. shh. that was geiss's social secretary. what did he say? he was talking about some epic party at kenneth's! he claims he needs an invite for mr. geiss. you're saying geiss might be at kenneth's party? our kenneth? yes! why would he go to that? what else do you know? t.i. is going to be there. bob logan from texas instruments is gonna be there? logan must be in contention for the ceo spot as well. sir, if there's any chance that mr. geiss is going to be at this party-- duh! thanks, jonathan. think i should try to go? i... i've gotta find kenneth. side-by-side, so you get the same coverage, often for less. that's one smart board -- what else does it do, reverse gravity?

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oh, hi. i, uh, haven't had a chance to get to that greenzo stuff yet. hey, did you leave your computer on all night? yeah, it just takes a really long time to reboot in the morning. huh. hey, you know what else takes a long time? building a new earth. listen, jared-- greenzo. i'm working with you as a favor. [laughs scornfully] wow. you know what? you people make me sick. you act like you care, but you do nothing. do you even bother to compost your own feces? look, i got a lot of real work that i have to do right now. so i'm not really interested in having some actor lecture me. are you saying actors can't change the world? i guess nobody bothered to tell sharon stone. look, i always knew i can make a difference. and now i finally have my platform, so let's have a little less yappity yap and a little more clackity clack. all right, that's it. i'm telling jack. this is not working. wait. what's in that styrofoam cup, huh? the earth's blood?

give me that. no. gi-- ohh! you jag! i just got this, like, eight years ago. good job. leave all the lights on for the invisible people. [sighs] [woman and man laughing] gross! liz! paula?! you' cheating with your wife? why didn't you tell me about this! that's my fault. i get off on the sneakin' around. who knew, right? so how are your parents? no, no, no. we'll catch up later. i just came to get a clean sweater. ohh, blurg! why is there a pop-tart in the bed? what do you do with the pop-tart?! ohh! hey, did you hear about kenneth's insane party? t.i.'s gonna be there.

i'm surprised to hear that because that is new information. yeah, and he's gonna perform. he is? and fall out boy will be there too. huh? and there's gonna be foxy boxing! foxy boxing? i love foxy boxing! it combines my two favorite things: boxing and referees! i got to get into that party man. get me harvey lemmings! you dummy, first of all, you didn't dial that cell phone. second of all, that is your own rumor. people are gonna show up expecting all this great stuff, and they're gonna be disappointed and angry. just like colonial williamsburg. you need to nip this in the bud. tell kenneth what you've done and cancel the party. kenneth, thanks for letting my cousins come to your party. oh. [giggles] hey, kenneth, you know how much i like to joke around, right? not really, mr. donaghy. well, before, when i told you i didn't wanna come to your party, i was just kidding!

[laughing] isn't that a fantastic joke? [both laughing] i don't understand what's happening. well, the point is that i have good news. i may be able to stop by now. oh, mr. donaghy, you don't wanna go to my silly party. oh...so that's the way you wanna play this? whip 'em out, measure 'em. kenneth, as an executive vice president at general electric, i'm ordering you to give me one of those pink cupcakes. sir, i would love it if you came to my party. yeah. you would. sweet. everyone's coming. [shouting] [knock on door] you're just in time, lemon. greenzo's segment on the today show is about to begin. yeah, i didn't write anything for that guy. he has gone off the deep end. you gotta replace him. don't mess with success, lemon. viewers love greenzo. geiss loves greenzo. we're not changing anything. hey, kids, can you hold your breath? good.

now do it forever. 'cause the air is gonna be poisoned unless we switch to green technology. sold by our company. i love this guy. you know, greenzo, i read that television sets actually draw power even when they're turned off. wow. meredith just taught us a very important lesson, kids. it's rude to interrupt people. can greenzo get real here for a second? did you know that there are people out there with the power to heal mother gaia, but they're paralyzed by greed? i'm talking about big companies and their two-faced, fat cat executives. aah! what is he doing? stay calm. did you kids know that we could actually end global warming in five years, if we just raised taxes on the super-rich by just 2%? wow, is that true? it doesn't matter if it's true. he works for that money. we've lost control of greenzo. [whispering] i knew we should have gone with angie harmon. (greenzo) kill trees? hey, liz. ugh.

look, obviously what happened in your bed last night was a violation. so much hair. sorry, she likes me natural. listen, i am glad that you're back with paula. but when are you moving out? no, no, no, liz. i can't move out. look, paula and i got married our sophomore year. she was pregnant 20 minutes into the first date. this is the first chance we've had to just...be a couple. and our relationship has never been better. we did it on your kitchen table. i shouldn't have told you that. liz, please. please let me be your roommate so i can date my wife. oh, i can't believe i'm saying this. okay. yes! oh, liz, you're the best. oh, hey, could you come home early tonight? paula wants to get caught again. got it. hey, you catch me on today, jack? mary was totally digging me. dude, have you hit that? jared, i'm a little concerned that we're losing our message here. it's non-judgmental, business-friendly. oh, no, no, no, no. we're way past that, jack.

while you're out there destroying the earth, i'll be saving it. and history will remember me. when i die, they'll wanna put my face on money. if there were money in the future instead of just hugs. okay, you listen to me, redzo. you either get on board, or you're gonna wake up on that island with phil donahue and the electric car. you understand me? i made you what you are. no, i've always been greenzo. you're crazy. and you're fired. [laughs scornfully] really? can you fire the wind, jack? can you fire a hurricane? we're developing that technology! (man) hey, liz, you going to kenneth's party? is this party still on? oh, it better be. the harlem globetrotters are gonna be there. the girl from heroes is gonna take a shower. oh, wow. now jack is going to this party? this is nuts--you said you were gonna shut it down. i couldn't. this means too much to ken. and when everyone shows up and it sucks?

it's not going to. this party's about to become a tracy jordan joint! and what does that entail? here we go! [cheering] i've called this meeting to discuss what happened last night at kenneth's party. [laughing] aah! [laughter] grr! kiss me. we all went in with certain expectations. the evening took a nasty left turn. now we must face certain facts in the cold light of day. y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. mr. lutz, you ate all my parakeet's medication. and thanks to you, sonny crockett has been having seizures all morning. mr. hornberger,

i would thank you to come pick up your wife at some point. mr. jordan, i saw you steal my sink. harlem globetrotter... does that name mean nothing to you? and ms. lemon. i will have you know that before last night, i had never, ever seen grizz or dotcom cry. [whispering] i'm sorry. i want you all to think about what you did. [shouting] [glass shatters] uhh! congratulations. you were all present at kenneth parcell's last party ever. mr. donaghy, uh... they are ready for you downstairs. i'm gonna, uh...

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the today show was expecting another green segment. don geiss is expecting it. it's gonna happen. but you fired jared, so who's gonna... oh, my god. that's al gore. is he gonna be the new greenzo? uh, not exactly. i may have gotten him here under false pretenses. hey, jack, good to see you again. mr. vice president. hi, how are you? i'm lemon. so i'm excited to see this trash-powered car of yours. how do you two even know each other? we met when jack was an intern for senator ted kennedy.

let me tell ya, jack was the most liberal guy-- da, da, da, da, da. the thing is, the g.e. garbage car isn't quite ready yet. but while you're here, what do you say you throw on a pair of green tights and a cape, and tell the kids how big business is good for the environment? i have no interest in doing that. al, we're with you on this whole planet thing. i mean, look at the set we built with the smiley-face earth and some green things. jack, look, we're way beyond that. if your network really wants to demonstrate a commitment to the environment, why don't you start by, for example, having an entire week with nothing but environmental themes on all the programs? use entertainment for substance. you could have a character in prime time making a passionate argument to the american people that we need co2 taxes to replace the payroll taxes. your parent company could lobby congress and the president to pass the treaty and save the climate. yes, or... you could put on a silly hat and tell the kids how outsourcing means cheaper toys at christmas. this is not working for me, jack. all right, let's do this! jared, what are you doing here? whoa. al gore?

what's up? jared, it's time for you to go. no, no! the show must go on! back off, jack! or you'll be greenzoed! you'll all be greenzoed! jared! jared! i--i am so sorry, mr. vice president. this all started when jack-- [whispering] quiet! a whale is in trouble. i have to go. give it to me! [children booing] [gasps] [children scream] oh! [sizzling] oh, boy, okay. this earth is ruined! we gotta get a new one.

hey, where's audrey?ew one. oh, hey, she had to take a phone call. so how are things? they're good. how are things with you? oh, well, my mom's been calling a lot. and she keeps threatening to visit, but she never really pulls the trigger. and even if she did visit, it would be the three of us sharing one bathroom. and that would be awkward, and so, you know-- so things are good, right? hey. sorry, i'm late. i just couldn't get off the phone with sheila. she just kept talking and talking... oh boy, i know how that goes. she's great, but all she talks about is how she can't find a guy. she's always coming into my office saying, "you're so lucky to be married. you're so lucky to have jeff." i keep telling her, "i'm not that lucky." thanks, hon. sorry, i'm just saying it's not perfect. i tell her you never clean up after yourself. you cut your toenails in bed. i find chest hair everywhere. i'm hoping it's chest hair.

you keep hoping. i don't want to burst that bubble. anyway, i tell her all of that, and still she wants a guy. oh, i know a guy. let's fix 'em up. that's a great idea. oh, god, here we go. why are you always such a jerk about fix ups? because every time you do one, it goes sour. then you get upset, then you get mad at me because i say "i told you so." why don't you just not say "i told you so?" because that's the only part he whole thing that i enjoy. ♪ how many ways to say i love you ♪ ♪ how many ways to say that i'm not scared ♪ ♪ with you by my side ♪ there is no denying ♪ i can't wait for me and you ♪ grilled chicken on flatbread... from wendy's. wendy's?!? wow, ok. actually, take video. ♪ ♪

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[chuckling] and to answer your question, no, jen, i do not know what time it is. well, i can't wait to meet her. after i've had my shots. [elevator pings] oh, hey, let's play "why would chloe be attracted to russell." ooh, i'll take getting back at daddy. yeah, uh, i'll take too drunk to walk. you guys are mean. but adam nailed it. you know, despite all my saucy talk, i really like chloe. she's very sweet. she could be a keeper. [cell phone rings] hey, what's up? oh, you're kidding. are you kidding? you're kidding! oh, that's great! we got tickets to see the golden staircase on broadway. oh, god, let her be kidding.

all right, i'll call you later, bye. that is the hottest musical in town. we are so lucky. yeah, lucky, lucky, lucky us. hey, do you guys know that girl who just got on the elevator? uh, girl? i didn't notice any girl. you don't have to pretend you don't see other women. okay, honey blonde hair, sky blue eyes, fully pouty lips? what you didn't get her bra size? no, she wasn't wearing one. she's an angel. i saw her eyes, we had some sort of connection. does she live in this building? i've seen her around. i think she might. well, what do you care? you have chloe? i know, but... that one's better. and since we can buy four house seats, we wanted to invite you guys. oh, my god, i've been dying to see the golden staircase. i haven't been to a broadway show in forever. thanks for that, by the way.

i'm only thinking about the other theatergoers. why should they have to listen to me snore? anyway, how much are the tickets? they're on us. oh, come on, you guys don't have to-- thank you. thank you. god, we're gonna have so much fun. i hear the costumes are fantastic. oh, there's this amazing love ballad. i'll make you a deal. before the show, i'll stab you, and while you're slowly dying, you shoot me. yes, that's a deal. oh, there's jack and sheila. (audrey) mmm! oh, my god, our fix up. they went out last night. and here they are at breakfast! with matching bed head. i knew those two would make a great couple. why? he's horny and she's easy? come on, let's go say hi. why do women want everyone in the world to be paired off? you know, they're like that boat guy. noah? no, captain stubing from the love boat. my mistake.

you know, the problem with this fix up is jennifer's involved. now when it blows up, and it will, the girls are gonna take sides, they'll each defend their person, and they'll end up in a fight. yeah, so jack will be mad at jennifer, sheila will be mad at audrey, and then audrey and jennifer will be mad at each other. yeah, it's gonna screw up relationships all around, and we're gonna have to hear about it. god, why does everything bad happen to us? you know, there are people in the world that have it a lot worse off than we do. okay, this weekend we're going on a harbor dinner cruise with jack and sheila. i stand corrected. boy, was that a good run. too bad you couldn't keep up with me. well, was it that i couldn't keep up, or was i just back there enjoying the view? you couldn't keep up. you didn't even know i stopped for gelato. oh, you had gelato? i want gelato. [elevator pings] oh, was i supposed to be home?

no, think i've got nothing better to do than hang out and wait for you? yeah. basically, yeah. well, you're wrong. i'm riding up and down on the elevator all day in hopes of running into my dream girl. were we wrong. you have a full life. the doorman's gonna kick you out. no, he's not. he's cool. oscar! what's up? well, i explained him my "sitch," and turns out he's a romantic too. romantic? he stares at my chest every time i walk by him. yeah, yeah, he's good peeps. you know, there's something special about this girl. she could be the one. hmm, the one before the next one. you know what? you don't know what i felt when i saw her. i do. it's called an erection. no, it wasn't down there. i felt something here. it was like my heart had an erection. and here comes my gelato.

thank you, you guys. this triple date was a great idea. yeah, i don't think i've ever eaten on a boat before. we've been out three times. you're telling me this now? i feel like i don't even know you. oh, jack! look how cute they are! i know! we did that. hey, did you remember to take your seasick pills? yeah, but for the record, it's not the boat that's making me nauseous. (man on pa) ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the starlight harbor cruise. we'll be departing in ten minutes. thank you. looks like jack and sheila are going strong. maybe jennifer and audrey won't end up in a fight after all, huh? yeah, but now i'm gonna have to hear audrey gloat about her fix up success. maybe i can parlay that into some sex. that'll teach her not to gloat. hey, fellas. hey, hey, so you and sheila are going strong, huh? oh, yeah, she's great. the women are gone. we don't have to do this.

look, sheila's the first blind date i've had that's worked out. i mean, she's funny, she's attractive. plus we're at exactly the same point in our lives. really? you don't look 38. oh, no, i'm 32. so is sheila. no, she's 38. she says so whenever she complains to audrey about her biological clock ticking. h-her what? biologic-- some clock that she bought that doesn't work right. she's always complaining about it. just return it. get a new one. that's what i'd do. [elevator pings] oh. are you the guy looking for the blonde girl? yeah. i thought i saw her earlier, but it just turned out to be the albino that lives on six.

wait, do you know who she is? no, i don't notice girls much. oh, oh, i get it. hey, do you know a good dry cleaner? you guys always seem to know. i'd tell you, but i don't know if any of that is worth dry-cleaning. wow, well, you're really doing wonders to get rid of that bitchy stereotype. well, i'm not the one riding the elevator all day. dude, i don't ride the elevator all day. [elevator pings] pizza delivery for a russell on the elevator. oh, no, no, that's russell elevator. that's his name. he lives in the building. yeah, you know what? i'll take that. i'll give that to mr. elevator. and, um, i feel like maybe he ordered a soda too? oh. there you go. you had to tell jack sheila wants a baby.

i didn't have to. it just sort of slipped out. i did not think jack was gonna make the dock when he leaped off the boat. look, he would've found out eventually. yeah, but maybe by then he would've been so in love he wouldn't have cared. i may need another seasick pill. i can't believe sheila would lie to jack like that. i cannot believe jack is so shallow he couldn't deal with it. since when is it shallow to not want to go out with someone who tricked you? there's no reason to point fingers here. i mean, you guys both tried to do a really nice thing. yeah, come on, you guys should feel good that you tried. yeah, i guess. hey, i have a new fix up we can try. vodka, meet tonic. oh, that is such a good couple. that was close. nice work. thanks, you too. we just prevented the audrey and jennifer fix up disaster fight. to us being better than them. [chuckles] mmm! hey, look at this?

as a reward, we get extra food for free. thank you, jack and sheila. well, actually, audrey put jack and sheila's dinners on our credit card. oh, well, in that case, thank you, jeff. whoa, now i should only be responsible for sheila. so jack's on your tab. me? no, you're the one who let the biological clock out of the bag. look, just enjoy that shrimp. you're buying it. not paying for it, not eating it. look, i'm responsible for my woman's fix up failure. you should be responsible for yours. mine wasn't the problem. you can't blame jack for not wanting to date grandma sheila. jack could do a lot worse, and i'm sure that he will with that cheesy earring. this is a dinner cruise. you're not a pirate. well, that's too bad, because if he wore a patch over his eye maybe he would've believed that sheila was 32. argh! i'm jack! me and me earring are gonna go pillage the buffet! oh, can you say that again, sonny? i'm sheila! i can't hear you! argh! wow, look at the size of these shrimp-- don't!

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if you've had a heart attack, be sure to talk to your doctor okay. which shoe? oh, the old shoe game. the right one. wait, my right or yours? yours. oh, no, those kind of pinch my toes. i mean the other one. those give me a heel blister.

oh, you got me again. you know what? i'll just paint my big toe and wear my sandals. you are just sitting in the audience tonight, right? you're not actually dancing in the golden staircase? i want to look good. we don't go out that often. what are you talking about? we just went on that dinner cruise. speaking of which, did you call sheila? how she's doing? i am not asking sheila to pay for her dinner. in that case, i wonder how jack's doing. it's not that much money. just let it go. and, no! i don't want you bickering about it with adam tonight. [knock on door] you know, it's not about the money. it's the principle. a man pays what he owes. if i learned one thing from my father's bookie, it was that. jack, you look handsome. thank you, jennifer. you look very nice too. adam, you would look better if you dropped about 150. i've been thinking about it, and you're right. i should pay you. oh, i'm glad that you finally see things my way. here you go. what are those? tickets for tonight.

they're actually worth more than a dinner cruise, so during intermission, drinks are on you. whoa, whoa, whoa. you already gave us those as a gift. yes, we did. i will just write you a check. say out of this, woman. a man should pay for his mistakes. this is all jeff's mistake. you took the tickets, soe're even. you can't magically turn a gift into compensation. i just did. shazam! then audrey and i aren't going. i'm so excited to see this show. i know, it's gonna be great. yeah, should be. should be worth every penny, eh, jeff? well, i wouldn't know. our tickets were free. thanks again for the free tickets, jennifer. why don't you two just knock it off? this is good. that'll be $9.50, please. jeez. sometimes i envy lesbians. i could tell you some stories.

[elevator pings] ugh. any lucese? no, no luck, oscar. maybe i should just give it up. no, you said this girl might be your destiny. there's nothing more important than finding true love. true dami amigo. [elevator pings] hey, mrs. fulford. oh, hello, rusty. have you found her yet? [chuckling] no, not yet. well, when you do she's going to be so touched by how hard you've worked to find her. well, that's what i'm hoping. and if you don't find her, i could set you up with someone nice from my work. oh, that'll be great. i might do that. when i turn 83. really, oscar? you're checking out mrs. fulford? i squint and imagine what she looked like 40 years ago.

ooh. try going back 50. (both) ooh! pretty ballsy of you to run out without paying. you were closer to the driver. you were. you were. were not. hey, you are being petty and annoying. ha ha! you got in trouble. you too. don't blame us. your matchmaking caused all this. oh, how do you figure? well, if you'd listen to me in the first place and never done the fix up to begin with, there wouldn't be a problem with adam-- jeff. cheaping out on the dinner cruise seats. and adam-- jeff. would've paid for the cab. adam. jeff. oh, all right, fine! you know what? you win. no more fix ups. i'm not gonna say "i told you so." mostly because of that look right there. you two are not gonna ruin this. here are your tickets. you stay out here and solve your problem, and you don't come in until you do. well, he started it. did not. i don't care who started it.

it's over. understand? don't just nod. use your words. yes. yes. okay, let's go. i'm not giving in. i'll stand out here all night. (man) is anybody selling a ticket? i need one ticket! i'm mad at adam, but i think making him sit through this show will be punishment enough. oh, i'm not letting jeff sleep through a minute of this. plus, i'm buying the soundtrack. um, sorry, that seat's taken. this is g24, isn't it? i just bought this ticket from a scalper outside. unbelievable. jeff sold his ticket. oh, i'm so sorry. i cannot believe he did that. but don't worry. you, and adam, and i will still have a good time.

unbelievable. thank you, golden staircase. hey, look at me. i'm smoking, act one. hmm. you do realize when we get home, we're dead. totally. but they can never take this away from us. it's funny. if jen and audrey hadn't done that fix up, we wouldn't have had that argument, and we'd be stuck in the theater right now. maybe i was wrong about fix ups. if the result in not seeing musicals, drinking 30-year-old single malt, and smoking fine cigars, then call me cupid. [elevator pings] hey, how's it going? i'm russell. tiffany. oh, right, yeah. [exhales deeply]

listen, this might sound a little crazy, but i saw you get on the elevator like a week ago. i felt like we had a connection or something. so i've been riding this every day in hopes of running into you again. you've been riding the elevator for a week just to meet me? yeah, yeah, i can't stop thinking about you. in fact, i have everyone in the building in on it. i've got the doorman. everyone's like, "listen, if it's your destiny--" stop stalking me, you creep! aah! [elevator pings] [whimpering] who are you? rusty, are you all right? ah, oh, yeah, i'll be fine. usually takes about eight to ten minutes for my eyes to readjust after being maced. was that her? yeah, yeah, we've decided to see other people. then it's time you let me set you up with one of the girls from my office. oh, i don't know. i think it's too soon. and plus, my eyes are still burning from the mace. are you sure? i own a small modeling agency. ah.

wait, what's that? no high fashion, mind you. just swimsuits and lingerie. that'll do. oscar!

hey, what's up, sunshine? look what we got invited to? opera tickets. who hates me that much? jennifer and i fixed up the guy and the girl that you and adam sold your tickets to. they've been dating, and they've invited us to join them la boheme. all because you scalped your ticket. i guess i had this coming. wonder how much i could get for these.

lightning strikes b-w-i.. bringing the airport to a stand still. the status of

flights this morning. and... no more online ads.. ever. the software that will block them all for you.. and how much it costs. friday the 13th!!!! ooooooooo

flights are coming in and out of b-w-i on time this morning after severe weather stirred up a major setback. the f-a-a confirmed a lightning strike hit the air traffic control tower at about 2:30 yesterday.... putting.. a standstill to travel in one of the region's busiest airports. flights were canceled or delayed at b-w-i for six hours. (18:49) my biggest concern is that the board is not reflective of reality.. (16:36) its frustrating its frustrating.. (9:05) the problem is there's not enough flights going to ft. lauderdale tonight so we are going to cancel our trip....

all runways reopened at about seven last night. the f-a-a also tells us the lightning strike injured a controller, who is being evaluated. you can get the latest weather information at your fingertips with the fox45 weather authority app. the interactive radar lets you follow the storms right down to your street... plus there's a 10-day planner and hour-by-hour forecast. the app is free... just search wbff in your phone's store to get started. a howard county man is waking up in jail this morning... after police arrested him for murder. according to court documents, aron krampf admitted he shook his six-week-old baby for an extended period of time. the baby girl died yesterday morning at johns hopkins children's hospital. investigators say the 26-year- old originally tried to blame his two-year-old son for the baby's injuries. "it's sad you wait so many months a lot of patience, oh please