for lynn's family and for yours. i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's the "jimmy kimmel live: red shopathon!" tonight, bono -- scarlett johansson -- snoop dogg -- olivia wilde -- and matt damon -- and music from the killers, with cleto and the cletones. and now, if you haven't heard,

>> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. welcome to the first ever "jimmy kimmel live: red shopathon." we have a good show for you unlike our usual shows done for our own personal gain. this one is for a good cause, a great cause. it's world aids day and giving tuesday. it seemed like a good idea to give to the fight against aids. we're doing something we've never done before. tonight's show is going to help you with your holiday shopping in the most entertaining possible way. this will be better than a stroll through t.j. maxx. it really will. it's a star-studded event to raise money for a great charity, red, dedicated to eliminating aids from the planet.

it's a shop-athon. shop-athons are the best because they combine two of my favorite things, shopping and athons. a lot of companies are pitching in to donate money from the sale of each red product. every dollar raised tonight will be matched by the bill and melinda gates foundation. for every dollar that goes to red bill and melinda gates' foundation will donate a dollar. i wonder if he knows what a dollar looks like. they agreed to donate up to $20 million. so this is a lot of money being raised here tonight. this is great tonight. also tonight we are going to learn about a number of fun one of kind celebrity experience use can win by donating to red through the website omaze. you can join meryl streep on the red carpet and take a trip to the set of the "game of thrones" and let you sit on the iron throne.

lesson. you can make a dub smash video with the back street boys. 7 steph curry will let you in on his pregame ritual. george clooney, george clooney will stare into your eyes and compliment you for 45 seconds straight. [ laughter ] and you can get a makeover with kim kardashian and her glam squad, which i might bid on that one myself. i am in desperate need of a glam squad right now. we have those and we have more omazing experiences you're going to see and hear from the stars themselves later on. it's time to hear from one of those stars, the main star of all of them right now, joining us via the wall of america, live from carnegie hall in new york, please welcome the co-founder of red and lead singer of the u-2s, bono, everybody. hello, bono. how are you? >> very well. yes. >> jimmy: look at that. [ cheers and applause ] first of all, thank you. thank you for taking time to chat. i know you're about to go on stage.

who else is doing the show there you're patting me. i'm you're little g.i. joe here. >> yes. no, no, you're my president. we have everybody here tonight. we have, you know, bill clinton and joe biden, and bill gates and bloomberg and a lot of people who have really changed the world in very obvious ways. but the people that we're here tonight really for, the activists who have been fighting aids and extreme poverty. and they have some voices of the new generation. miley cyrus is here, jesse jay is here, hosier is here. a fellow irishman, great poet, he's here. great night in carnegie hall. this is a bicoastal affair. >> jimmy: it is indeed. yes. i've been wanting to have a bicoastal affair with you. if we bleep that it will sound very dirty. and are there any regular people

famous superstars? >> if you're trying to come off like you're a regular person, i wouldn't run with that. >> jimmy: no, no, god forbid. >> no, no. you -- truly, your show is changing the world tonight. and you, therefore, are the president of my world. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> olivia wilde is the president of my world and you're the first lady. or snoop dogg. snoop dogg could be the minister of defense, defense minister because if there's any trouble he knows every doorman in this city and every other city. he would scare the [ bleep ] out of the russians. >> jimmy: he could definitely come up with a nice smoke screen for the russians. so, bono, i have to say i'm so impressed with the work that you do with red. i mean, this is really personal to you. i know it's not just something you go on television and talk about. we had a chance to chat. you talk about, you go all over the country. you speak to people. you go to churches. you really have done so much work. are things getting better?

was like ten years ago? >> one of the reasons and to be talking with you tonight and for having this here in carnegie hall is really this is the greatest good news story that nobody knows. particularly for the united states of america. nobody knows that of the 15 million lives that have been saved over the last ten years the majority of those lives have been saved by american taxpayers. you walk out on the street here in new york, nobody knows. los angeles, nobody knows. people should know. thing that america has done. and americans should know. i salute them. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we did something good. we did something good, everybody. >> 15 million lives. talking about some of the omaze experiences various celebrities have offered. you're doing one as well.

>> not exactly. i'm offering -- well, in central park, people seem to think that's very funny. as they don't take my bike rides very seriously. you know, mark twain said ride a bike and if you live, get another one. i very nearly didn't live. i got myself banged up pretty good. but i'm back and i've been rebuilt and i'm ready to share a ride in central park and talk anything people want to talk about. and it will -- it will be my great pleasure. >> jimmy: will you be on the same bike with the person or will you be on separate bikes? is this a tandem -- >> depending on he or she, we could do the cross bar thing. >> jimmy: i see, okay. i haven't experienced it. i would also like to donate. you know how excruciating it is to give your kids the talk.

you did to their mother that brought them into this world. my omaze experience will be to -- the winner, i will explain sex to their children. i will give their children the talk. [ cheers and applause ] it's so uncomfortable, i think it's a real service. i have done sex like literally dozens of times so i know what i'm talking about. bono, you have a teenager, don't you? >> yeah. i've got two teenage boys. actually, my daughter eve, she's an actress. she's in this series "the nick" and i've seen a few episodes. i think she needs the talk. she's 23. >> jimmy: i would love to give her the talk. i'll give the whole family the talk at once, the next time you guys are out here. i want to thank you so much. i know you're busy thanking everybody else but thank you for doing so much work. [ cheers and applause ] >> just to say this before the festivities begin. this is so important to the

that medication. it's really transformed. i remember being in those hospitals ten years ago when being given this diagnosis was a death sentence. i remember the looks in people's eyes. i remember the light going out of people's eyes. i've just been back to rwanda and i've seen now beds where there's three patients to a bed. and nurses that looked like patients. looking like every hospital you would have here and you should be very proud, america, of what you've done. thank you. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bono, everybody. if you want to enter to win my experience, bono's experience, george clooney's, go to omaze.com/red. all the information is there. it's not a bidding thing. it's more like a raffle. anyone has a chance to win. you don't have to be super rich. we also have a special offer from our pal snoop dogg tonight who is here to bring some much needed green this holiday season.

will be the lovely olivia wilde. and we have music, holiday music, in fact, it's a song that i wrote with them last year to benefit red from the killers. they are going to be here performing. [ cheers and applause ] we have another big name joining us from afar tonight, none other than scarlett johansson. are you there, scarlett? [ cheers and applause ] >> yes, jimmy, i am here. and i'm standing by to take donation calls. >> jimmy: you're taking calls. that's not really -- we're not -- it's not a call thing. >> i don't want to embarrass you but nobody's calling. >> jimmy: nobody's calling? it's not a tell-athon, scarlett. everything's through the website. so guilt.com/red. >> then why in the hell am i sitting in front of this phone? >> >>. >> jimmy: i have no idea, i didn't ask you to do that, i guess you did that on your own. >> this is embarrassing. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. [ phone rings ] oh? >> hi, it's scarlett johansson. would you like to donate to red

even $50 would be a huge help. >> guillermo: scarlett johanson, i'll give you $300 and then you can make love to me in a mountain on top of a castle. i love you. >> oh, thank you, weirdo. so people should just go to the website? >> jimmy: that would be best, yeah. scarlett? >> okay, then. >> jimmy: okay. >> good luck with the rest of the show. >> jimmy: okay, thank you, thanks scarlett. scarlett johansson. her enthusiasm is infectious. as you can see we have some of the world's most talented and beloved celebrities helping out. damon who -- matt damon is an actor. in the '90s he was in a movie where he liked apples. and then he was liberace's boyfriend. then i don't know -- that's basically it. but as you may know matt has been scheduled to appear on this show every night for the last 12 years. i've been trying very hard to squeeze him in but we haven't had time. tonight though i said in the

best to get him out here. he's waiting in his dressing room. hey, stupid. how is it going? [ cheers and applause ] >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: so what do you want? how can i help you? >> no, it's not about helping me, okay? this is -- i have an omaze experience that i'm auctioning off to help red. i would like to come out there on stage and talk about it. >> jimmy: yeah, that's kind of a no go. because bono, you know, we had a long talk with him and that was a lot of the time talking about people we actually care about. i'm not sure we're going to have time for your little skit or whatever you were going to do yeah. >> it's not a skit. it's a charity auction. look, it will be really quick. all right? i'll come out. >> jimmy: give us a hint as to what it is first and then i'll decide. >> fine. to help red in their fight

experience. >> jimmy: what does that mean, exactly? >> well, the winner and a guest will join me in this poorly lit underground dressing room that i patiently wait in every night. and once here you will sit next to me on this old futon in complete silence until i wait to see if i'm going to get on the show that night. >> oh, okay. >> you will enjoy such amenities as a non-functioning air conditioner, a very old "people" magazine, and the finest mini cheese cubes that kimmel's catering staff can find in the back of the fridge. for a chance to win, please go to omaze.com/red now. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't think anybody

and i will say something. i think it's weird and rude for you to force people to sit in that disgusting room. so i will add this to the auction. if the winner wants the winner can sit in our plush green room and watch matt sit in his dressing room through the door. we'll leave it open. the door open. >> or i could -- i could join them in the green room. >> jimmy: we really don't have the space for that, but that's a >> no, i've seen pictures. the green room is huge. >> jimmy: it's not that big. we have a fire marshal. there's a limit on how many people you can let in. >> why don't i just come out there. i feel like i could help you raise a lot -- >> jimmy: oh, i think -- i guess his mike went out. unfortunate -- sadly we can't hear him. so i guess -- just, you know, just stay down there and i'll let you know if we need you which we probably most will not. okay? matt damon, everybody. very sad individual. [ cheers and applause ]

when we come back, olivia wilde and i will be in festive sweaters to tell you about tantalizing red products. get your gift list out and ready to be checked off. we'll be right back. [ dog barks ] [ bark ] there it is! [ gasps ] oh no! look, the sky's awake! that. was. epic! [ bark ] family a gift you can't get from those other guys. and get four lines with up to six gigs each. just thirty bucks a line. that's six gigs each, plus unlimited video streaming

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this just in. the final countdown to christmas is here. wait what? gary, is this teleprompter right? sweet molasses! i need to start shopping immediately. save on thousands of last

the holidays are here. order on target.com and pick up in store the same day. i ordered this today. it's for you. boop! barbie! a new tie! shop target.com. pick up in store. hi. i'm new england patriots quarterback tom brady. i'm offering an experience of a lifetime. one lucky winner will get to snap a ball to me and have me slap them on the butt and tell them they did a good job. whether they did or not. and, yes, your wife can watch. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, tom brady. what a great omaze experience. one that will make the patriots fan in your family nothing short of erect with glee. snoop dogg, shaq, the killers, this is shopathon.

co-host, the low-priced princess herself, olivia wilde. hello. >> hi, jimmy. we have so many omazing red products to show tonight. interesting fact. did you know that red is not only a charity but also a color? >> jimmy: i did not know that, wow. >> that's right. they use it at the top of stop lights and also for the sauce you put on spaghetti. >> jimmy: they do. they so do. let's have a look at the first red product, shall we? >> first up we have this beautiful juice pack air. >> jimmy: yes. that's what you were talking about. >> that's right. not only will this protect your phone from those nasty falls. i hate that. just falling all over the place. >> jimmy: me, too. >> also gets charged up after a long night alone swiping right. >> jimmy: i'm going to put my phone in it just so we can see its incred charging powers firsthand. plug that in and there we go. there you have it.

me think, $948, am i right? >> jimmy: you are so, so wrong. it's almost unreasonable. the mophie juice pack sells for $99.95, purchase price, going to red's fight against aids. >> what? aid is the worst. >> jimmy: i know, isn't it? i'm hearing we have a call over the line. yes? hello, caller. hi, this is -- matt. from boston. i have a question about the mophie. >> yes, matt, what's your question? matt from boston, what's your last name? >> aflac. >> jimmy: yeah, your name is matt aflac? >> yeah. >> jimmy: hang up the phone. just hang up. he knows what the problem is. don't -- okay. thank you. i'm so sorry about that. it's a little private thing between us. should we keep going? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. let's get to the next product. >> yes. right to the next product.

this blanket is softer than a newborn puppy. i can prove it. >> you can prove it? >> jimmy: yes, i can olivia. if you wouldn't mind slipping into this blindfold. >> jimmy. you know me when someone hands me a blindfold usually means you >> jimmy: right. sex, right? >> well, no, that's >> jimmy: right. can tell the difference between a newborn puppy and the day dream blanket. bring those items out, guillermo, and here they are. feel. one is at your left hand. one is at your right. >> they're both so soft. i can't believe you think one of these is softer than a puppy. i mean, this over here. right here, this is very soft. my god, it's so soft. this has to be the puppy because it's the softest thing i've ever felt in my life. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> this right here -- no. this is slightly less soft. this thing nibbling at me and licking my hand is probably the blanket.

>> jimmy: all right, well. remove the blindfold and you'll see. >> what? >> jimmy: yes. >> oh, my god. i thoughts this blanket was a puppy. >> jimmy: you sure did. wow, that's ridiculous. you were totally fooled. >> i was so wrong. how could you blame me. a blanket like this this soft has to go for, i want to say, 30 or $40,000? >> jimmy: wrong again. this blanket goes for the low, low cost of $99.95. [ cheers and applause ] >> what? >> jimmy: red, fight against aids. >> what a deal. is it going to poop on me? i don't want it to poop on me. >> jimmy: you know what, these blankets never poop. guaranteed. >> that's my rule. okay. let's have a look at my next product. >> jimmy: i'm done petting you. >> this is the mole skin red special edition notebook. >> jimmy: this is an amazing item. it's a book just like the ones you read about teenage vampires but when you open it, check this out. >> jimmy, what are you trying to say, all of these pages are blank. what am i supposed to read?

you is going to blow your mind. take a standard, everyday pen and you can actually write on the pages inside. you see how the ink is just coming out of the pen and creating lines on the page? >> that is so incredible. and unbelievable contraption like this must cost, i'm going to say it, but a quarter of a million dollars. >> jimmy: no. try a quarter of a hundred dollars. this notebook is going for the low, low price of $24.95. look, i don't know if you can see, but i drew a butt. >> you would draw a butt. >> jimmy: i did. we only have time for a few more products. first let's check in to see how my phone is charging. what is it at now? oh, 72%! >> wow. >> jimmy: olivia wilde. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you. >> we just have a few more products for you right now. it shouldn't be a shopathon without a bit of bling. >> jimmy: no, it wouldn't. who better to get all blinged out this special season

guillermo, come on out. [ cheers and applause ] gill-ler-mo is wearing this simple elegant jenn meyer red necklace in gold. perfect for a night out on the town or modeling for a show. also sporting the alex bracelets and earrings. >> jimmy: and to set the whole ensemble off he's standing in the red 3 1/2 quart dutch ovens. >> and wearing a pair of sunglasses on the back of his head. >> jimmy: and holding a bouquet of farm girl flowers. >> of course. and carrying a special edition club bag. >> jimmy: and he's strumming bono's signature red gretch guitar. [ cheers and applause ] >> and lastly but not leastly, without a dyson v6 standup cordless vacuum. >> jimmy: the answer is no

without a dyson. >> a portion of the proceeds from each of these items go to benefit red. thank you, gill-er-mo. >> jimmy: yes, thank you. hello, caller. >> hi, this is linda from sacramento. >> oh, hi, linda. what's your question? >> actually, it's matt damon. i really want to ask about the mophie. >> jimmy: cut the line. that. and i'm not letting his damon. that's ridiculous. >> that's it for now but we will for you later in the show. this was so much fun. >> jimmy: it sure was, liv. let's check in one more time on my phone. my phone is now at 76%! >> wow! >> jimmy: we'll keep an eye on that and we will be right back

what do you think they want? i don't know, but they look amazing. oh, you know what i was thinking? it's almost christmas! oh! yes! that's what all the lights are for, that's why they're dressed this way! and! where did you guys get your clothes? old navy. you know we've done like, zero christmas shopping. - zero shopping. - what are we going to do? we have to go shopping now. you should go, the entire store is up to 75% off. his hat was only three bucks. in order for us to go to old navy, you have to get off our lawn. we have another song! no, no... - come on let's go.

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from your holiday card this year, 7'1", oh, excuse me, 7'12" inch of pure sexual dynamite. red. it's going to a great charity, red. you have a chance to get your holiday portrait taken with me and 17 friends. send to it your wife. send it to your mistress. tell them you're adopting a giant. let's do this. support red. together we'll make some weird-ass holiday cards. >> jimmy: thanks, shaq. welcome back to our special red show. before we move along let's check in with olivia wilde and the red shopathon. liv, what exciting new products are you presenting? >> oh, i hope your socks or nice and tight. if not they might just get knocked off. let's get your fashion model back out here. [ cheers and applause ] now, you might notice that the shirt gill-er-mo is wearing here

might expect. and that's because this is what we call a t-style shirt. gill-er-mo, how do you feel wearing this t-shirt? >> guillermo: i think it's good. >> you look adorable. well, get ready. we're about to turn the cute dial up to 12. gill-er-mo is this -- oh, my gosh, is this a guillermo baby? is this baby wearing the gap red shirt? is this his son? >> guillermo: i don't think so. >> let's just say he is for right now. guillermo, this is your baby son, nicholas. hi. not only is nick stylish in his onesie but it's a look that goes from day to night in a cinch. >> guillermo: how much is it? >> well, i'm not sure how much this baby cost but the onesie goes for the rock bottom price, are you ready for this? this is crazy. $19.95. [ cheers and applause ] with a portion of that price going to fight the aids. >> guillermo: the price is so

[ siren ] >> you heard it here first, it is loco. back to you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, olivia. we'll check back with you later on. still to come an amazing omaze experience from james franco, a special christmas song from the killers. the killers write a song every year to benefit red. this is their tenth year. this one is called "dirt sledding." you can find on it apple music. last year we wrote a song together called "joel the lump of coal." it's about a lump of coal. named joel. they will be playing the song live for the first time later on tonight. tomorrow on the show, liv tyler, conor mcgregor of the ufc, and ben affleck will be here to debut the "batman versus superman" trailer. that will be a lot of fun. i'm going to tell you something, best actor ever to come out of boston, easily, ben affleck. not even a contest.

professional relaxer of the highest order. to benefit red, he's offering a remarkable omaze experience that you will never forget, assuming you can remember what happened in the first place. please welcome the one and only snoop dogg. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? thank you for being part of this shopathon show. it's great to have you here. have you ever met bono. do you know bono at all? >> i've heard of him. >> jimmy: are you the type of person to buy things off television? have you ever been sitting there -- >> i've bought things off the home shopping network before. >> jimmy: you have? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you ever call in? >> no. >> jimmy: that would be quite an experience for them. >> right. right. >> jimmy: recognize that voice. what did you buy, do you remember?

>> jimmy: really. jewelry for your grandmother. that's very sweet. do you do your own christmas shopping? >> jimmy: you do? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who do you buy for? who is on your personal list? >> my wife, my daughter, my granny, and my mom. it's all the women in my life. >> jimmy: do you go to the store or do it online? >> i go to the store. i go actually into the store and stand in line and i buy gifts for them. >> jimmy: do people flip out when they see you? >> oh, yeah. oh, yeah. >> jimmy: right. what is the name of the new website? >> maryjane.com. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, it want to point out that it's not spelled like it sounds. it's merry like christmas. >> yeah, merry. >> jimmy: merryjane.com. >> exactly. green trees. >> jimmy: this is a lifestyle website? >> it's a cannabis media platform website where you can get information. you can see videos. it's basically an encyclopedia

for those who want to know and those who do or don't know. >> jimmy: it's like wikiweedia. >> exactly. that's awesome. >> jimmy: you can do that use that if you need. >> thanks jimmy. >> jimmy: it's for those who share a common interest. >> and those who don't. you may want to be informed. you may want to know about it and you may want to get involved. this may be the best way to find out by, you know, looking, not touching. >> jimmy: do you have news on there? >> yeah, news. >> jimmy: things going on? >> everything, entertainment, news. >> jimmy: is it all filtered through -- does it all have to be related to pot smoking? >> no, not smoking, edibles, cooking. all forms of it. >> jimmy: pot eating, too, then. all right. so really you're covering everything. >> yeah, exactly. have a lot of interests, but one of them. i don't know how long you've i saw some of these paintings at this is -- this is an original snoop doggy dog. [ cheers and applause ]

>> it's in spurts. i paint like maybe three or four times a year. >> jimmy: when you -- you're in front of a canvas do you say, okay, this is what i think i'm going to paint or do you just kind of go with the flow? >> it's the music. i have a lot of old school music playing in the background. i'm usually on a road, in a hotel room, in a different country. i'm feeling a different vibe. i did that in australia at the versace hotel. >> jimmy: you carry your paints around with you from town to town? >> no, i send somebody to go to the paint store. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess that makes more sense. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you really have it all figured out. >> i do, jimmy. >> jimmy: when we come back we're going to talk about an omaze experience that you are donating. something that i think your fans will really, even people who don't like you will love this. snoop dogg is here. we have more surprises on the way as the red shopathon continues. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] to take on the world's greatest

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oh, hi, friends. i'm james franco, actor, director, poet, professor, author, and three or four other things. but when i'm not busy being multifaceted, i'm an artist. my work has appeared in the museum of contemporary art in los angeles and soon it just might hang in your living room because so to support red i will

this will be a work of art you will sell after your death. i want to paint you. so be my muse. support red and, most importantly, let's get you naked. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! welcome back to our red shopathon. thank you, james franco. >> okay, okay, okay. >> jimmy: we almost had an intruder here. take him out of the whole building. did you see matt damon backstage? >> i was -- i think i seen him in all that smoke. i thought it was him. matt, was that you? >> jimmy: it could have been anybody. hey, let's check in with some more great red products with olivia wilde. liv, what do you have for us over there? >> thanks, jimmy hat. it's winter time. you know what that means, chapped lip season. i know. it's a nightmare. but not anymore. our model here is using fresh sugared lip balm. look at that, his lips are now

marshmallows and chicken fat. it looks like our model is in need of a little drink with the help, of course, of our sleek and stylish red alessi corkscrew. guillermo, what are you doing? >> guillermo: i'm drinking the wine, ms. olivia. >> you don't want to do that. wait for these. we have red coca-cola tumblers. just pour that in there. you got that. >> guillermo: what time do you get off work? >> i mean, soon, i guess. >> guillermo: do you want to have a drink? >> yeah. yeah. >> guillermo: you have two eyes. i like them. >> jimmy: let's give them some quiet time. thank you very much, guillermo and olivia. [ cheers and applause ] so, snoop, tell us what your omaze experience is. >> my omaze experience will be for a lucky fan to come to

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're calling this -- >> it's a mary jane wellness retreat. >> jimmy: a wellness retreat. >> we're trying to get you well. and, jimmy, i brought you a gift because i want you to get well, too. >> jimmy: you did? >> you're part of our team now. >> jimmy: what is this, a necklace? >> yes. >> jimmy: i love necklaces. this is going or perfect for me. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] you're selling jewelry now? >> yeah. selling everything. >> jimmy: how did this happen? >> man, everything got to go, got to go. >> jimmy: when you get prescription for medical marijuana here in california you have to get a doctor's note. what do you tell the doctor is your ailment that you require? >> i'm going to share this with you because i love you. >> jimmy: thank you. >> migraines. >> jimmy: migraines. [ cheers and applause ] well, thank you, snoop dogg. thank you for the beautiful necklace.

mary jane wellness retreat, go to omaze.com/red. we'll be right back with a very special christmas song from the killers.

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crooked nose and bloodshot eyes iron will for telling lies cheap smile and one inch fuse you hurt me santa and i'm confused pretty girls christmas lights mistletoe holy nights don't it sound like heaven on a cloud [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, that was the killers' new christmas song called "dirt sledding." you can find it on apple music and 100% of the proceeds go to benefit red. these guys have been doing this every year for the last ten years, and last year, i had the pleasure of writing one of the songs with them. and here now, with that song, "joel the lump of coal," the killers! [ cheers and applause ] some time ago at santa's place up in the old north pole there

joel joel the lump of coal happy as a lump can be he just wants to keep santa warm and make the elves cozy but santa claus had other plans for joel one fateful day joel you're just the lump i need come join me on my sleigh joel joel the lump of coal heart leapt up with joy i'll soon be santa's present to a lucky girl or boy we'll laugh and play together and hold each other tight and snuggle under clean white sheets when we go to sleep at night then santa's elves all laughed at joel you're in for a surprise

what kid would ever want you you're filthy as can be now you have to go and live with one who's been naughty but i make heat poor joel cried and electricity you pollute the air with co2 and mercury joel joel the lump of coal fell down upon his knees i don't wanna live with a naughty kid don't make me santa please but santa laughed his jolly laugh ho ho ho you stupid lump you're just the thing to teach this brat that santa ain't no chump so off they flew and before he knew joel was in a sack he cried and yelled to santa

and then came christmas morning and much to joel's surprise he saw a boy with the saddest face and tears were in his eyes he picked joel up and held him he said you can be my friend i would've liked some presents but you're what santa chose to send it's true i've been a naughty boy and maybe that's a sin but if this is how santa treats the kids i'm just glad that i'm not him and joel joel the lump of coal he knew what he must do he said now i know the reason why i got sent to you ' cause when a person hurts inside it turns him hard and cruel

so take me in your hand young man and squeeze with all your might let's turn your pain and anger into something that shines bright then joel joel the lump of coal he gave his life away so that one good naughty little boy had a diamond on christmas day [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nicely done. how about that. the killers. we'll be right back with anyone but matt damon.

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>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. what a night it has been. please help the fight against aids. shop red this holiday season. you buy the products you saw tonight and many people will be helped. go to gild.com/red. go to omaze.com/red for the celebrity experiences. i want to thank red for making this all possible. thanks for bono, olivia wilde, snoop dogg, the killers, thanks to scarlett johansson, thanks to vice. i want to send my honestly sincerest apologies to matt damon. we just did not have time for him tonight. >> jimmy, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah? >> did you say my name? >> jimmy: oh, i was saying unfortunately we don't have time for you tonight. i'm sorry.

not mad. i'm in a giving mood tonight. >> jimmy: cool, cool. >> in fact, on top of the money i'm making another important donation as we speak. >> jimmy: okay. all right. thanks. >> i'm donating some pee into your gas tank right now. >> jimmy: you know what, that son of a bitch. >> and for all of your shoppers out there, please remember that if you would like to enter to win my omaze experience or any celebrity omaze experiences you saw tonight, go to omaze.com/red. it is a worthy cause. oh! >> jimmy: pull it out, pull it out, i want to see it! >> i can't, i can't, i can't. >> jimmy: out! you can pull it out. i'm going back inside. thanks so much for all of our guests tonight. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, everybody,