>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- j.k. simmons - from viceland, action bronson - and music from air. and now, if it's all right with you, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: hi, how you doing? thank you very much. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thanks for all the noise. before we start tonight, i have a message.

posting your opinions about who won the debate last night on facebook. here's the thing. anyone who already agreed with you will continue to agree with you. anyone who didn't, won't. [ laughter ] next time, instead of writing out a long, passionate thing, take a nap, you'll be glad you did. how many of you watched the debate last night? [ cheers and applause ] at least half of you are lying, i just know it. if i have as predicted, this was the most-watched debate in the history of ever. more than 84 americans watched on television alone. they covered national security, the economy, rosie o'donnell, everything that needed to be covered. trump warned our economy is in a big fat ugly bubble, and when he is president it will be a tall, thin, beautiful bubble. with perky, enormous bubble

wants to bring back stop, collaborate, and listen as part of her vanilla ice initiative. trump repeatedly denied saying things he absolutely said, on tape, and in writing. trump told some whoppers. four fact checkers killed themselves last night trying to go through all them. after 90 minutes of watching these two go back and forth, i feel like hillary and donald might have irreconcilable differences. i don't think counseling is going to help them. after dat bate there was another debabo donald trump, you're not going to believe this, he believes he won the debate. not just dat bate. he thinks he won the world series and the super bowl too. [ laughter ] after the debate, trump was asked what he thought about the moderator, lester holt, from nbc news. and his opinion of lester started out very positive. and as you'll see slid downhill from there. >> mr. trump, how do you feel about how lester holt did? >> i thought lester did a great job. honestly, i thought he did a great job. >> you thought the questions were fair? >> yeah.

guys were debating two people. >> i felt he was fine. i felt it was fine. >> what grade would you give lester holt? >> i give a "c." i thought he was okay. >> jimmy: tough grader, no wonder nobody ever graduated from trump university. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he says somebody's great and gives them a "c." of course, the big winner at the debate last night was nasonex. donald trump was sniffling apparently the back story is he fired his personal nose-blower. and was left unattended all week. social media, people went nuts over this. the former governor of vermont, howard dean, who ran for president in 2004, tweeted, notice trump sniffling? coke user? which is kind of a crazy thing to tweet. i mean, especially from the guy who did this.

>> maybe he's looking for a new dealer, i don't know. this is funny. the police department in lawrence, kansas, tweeted this yesterday. from their official account. they tweeted, reminder, we realize politics can make emotions run high, but being mad at a presidential candidate in a debate is not a reason to call 911. [ laughter ] then who are you supposed to call, ghostbusters? is this actually a problem in lawrence? if you call 911 because you're upset about the debate, you shouldut your right to vote. you should not be allowed in the booth. to me the most interesting moment between clinton and trump had nothing to do with donald or hillary. to me it was when bill said hello to melania before the debate started. you couldn't hear what was said on the tv broadcast but somebody nearby had a microphone and picked the whole thing up. listen closely here. >> here's my hotel key, pretend

hello ivanka! >> jimmy: still got it, still got it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i was shocked, i couldn't believe it either. at the very end trump announced he was going to say something extremely rough to hillary and her family. presumably about that. but he said he just couldn't do it because it was inappropriate. and then moments later, coming offstage, he said this. >> anything that you wish you did differently? >> , able to hold back on the, you know, the indiscretions with respect to bill clinton. because i have a lot of respect for chelsea clinton. and i just didn't want to say what i was going to say. >> which is? >> which is, i'll tell you maybe at the next debate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the first cliffhanger we've ever had at a presidential debate. by the way, guillermo, i heard a story that that woman, alicia machado?

yes. >> jimmy: who trump called? >> guillermo: miss piggy, miss housekeeper. >> jimmy: i heard you were texting with her last night? >> guillermo: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: is that true? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: why? >> guillermo: i met her in the gym. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, i don't believe that at all. what kind of a gym are you guys going to? >> guillermo: regular gym. >> jimmy: one of these gyms? >> guillermo: a >> jimmy: so you've become friendly, you asked her for your phone number? >> guillermo: she asked me for my phone number. >> jimmy: she did? >> guillermo: i'm a gentleman so i gave her my phone number. >> jimmy: miss universe? you gave miss universe your phone number. does your wife know you're exchanging texts? >> guillermo: yes, she was right there when she was texting. >> jimmy: is she always right there when you're texting somebody? >> guillermo: not all the time. >> jimmy: okay. well. i don't know.

that. and into this too, whatever this was. one of the most unusual statements trump made was when he was talking about the hack of the democratic national committee, which has been blamed on the russians. but trump is not so sure. >> i don't think anybody knows it was russia that broke into the dnc. she's saying russia, russia, russia. but maybe it was, i mean, it could be russia. it could also be china. could also be lots of other people. it also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay? >> hey! buddies! this is bull [ bleep ]! i do this for you! >> whether it was russia, whether it was china, whether it was [ bleep ] -- >> it's nice to see young people getting excited about politics. clinton and trump weren't the only competitors at hofstra last night. this is what it was like down on the debate floor as the reporters tried to make their way through the madness.

stop pushing, ma'am. >> thanks a lot, bitch. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know. this election is bringing out the best in everyone, it really is. donald trump and hillary clinton, they threw a lot out there during the course of their 90-minute argument. it went by very quickly. so we decided to slow them both down for a special -- this was the first time we've ever done this -- a special two-candidate edition of "drunk [ tape playing very slowly ] >> i have a feeling by the end of this evening i'm going to be blamed for everything! >> why not? >> why not, yeah. why not. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break. when we come back, another

elon musk wants to build a city on mars. and musical visit from the trump-aloompas, so stick around,

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[ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just $199 a month. i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. she's a slob. she ate like a pig. a person who's flat chested is very hard to be a 10. does she have a good body? no. does she have a fat [expletive]? absolutely. do you treat women with respect?

>> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. j.k. simmons, action brandon, music from air is on the way. you know what might else be on the way is life on mars. our lives on mars. elon musk is the guy behind tesla today, outlined a plan, a real plan, to build a self-sustaining city on mars. this is what rich people do after they visited every country in europe 20 times. his goal is to have people, americans i guess, living on

decades. i have an idea, why not make donald trump president of mars? he would be great up there. [ cheers and applause ] it's not just a country, it's a whole planet he gets to run. hillary clinton will be happy. and who better to preside over an orangish-red planet than him? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i will not be going to mars. would you go to mars? >> guillermo: no, jimmy, no. >> jimmy: no. what if you and miss went together to mars? >> guillermo: oh, that's a different story. >> jimmy: that would be something different. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: uber is reportedly working on passenger drones. these are drones, instead of getting stuck in traffic, they'd be able to fly people short distances and drop you off at your destination. like a little plane. can you imagine that? call an uber and it lands on your lawn. you know when it gets that, you know that thing where they tell

they're not arriving now? you'd be able to see they weren't arriving now. these vehicles will be unmanned, no driver. which is probably just as well. if uber did have a pilot running them we'd probably end up with something like this. >> thank you for flying uber air. you want to listen to some etm? ? don't open window, okay? you like pina colada air frischener? hold on, this is best part of song. ? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you see what i'm saying? that's what it would be like. i feel like we missed the premise here. never mind. earlier tonight, here on abc it was elimination night on "dancing with the stars."

perry, who at one time was a bona fide candidate for president of the united states, is dancing now. he got the low score last night. kudos to him. >> the paso doble, my best description is a bullfight. >> one, two -- whoa! >> when i think about the men and women who serve us in the military, whenhe they keep pushing on. so it's going to take more than that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. that, ladies and gentlemen, is an american hero. he should probably get the purple heart for that, right? i mean, unfortunately for rick perry, america did not vote for him. again. he got the bedazzled boot tonight. i wonder which stinks more, losing to mitt romney or vanilla ice? [ laughter ] back to the other popular

night's debate. but as far as i know, nothing has been sung about it. until now. ladies and gentlemen, by popular demand, please join me in welcoming the trumpa-loompas! ? ? i've got another puzzle for you ? ? trumpa-loompa hillary ? ? how can a man make america great ? ? when he doesn't prepare for his first debate ? ? making things up playing loose with the facts ? ? who does he blame for the russian hacks ? ? a 400-pound hacker ? ? i can't believe i'm tied with him ? ? ? trumpa-loompa if you're a trumper you will go far ?

doopaty-doo ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, we have music from air, action bronson is here, be right back with j.k. simmons! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by rinnai tankless hot water heaters and home heating solution to the lord ? ? power, power to the lord ? ? ? power! lord ?

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colin van ostern: i know from my own life the difference a college education can make. narrator: colin van ostern. the son of a single mom, he went to college on student loans, became a stonyfield business manager responsible for a hundred million dollars in revenue. then, a top executive at southern new hampshire university's college for america. colin van ostern: most of our students graduate debt free.

during vietnam i served on an aircraft carrier in the gulf of tonkin. after i lost my job, i slept out here with other vets. you never think you'll end up here, until you do. annie kuster is working hard to get veterans off the streets with affordable housing. and she's helped connect vets with jobs so they can get back on track. that means a lot to me.

we are one nation under god. that black and white, we are one nation indivisible. that republican and democrat, we are all americans. i'd like to punch him in the face. you know what they used to do to guys like that? they'd be carried out in a stretcher, folks. i could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. tonight, from the cooking, eating and smoking theme show "f-word that's delicious," action bron so is is here with us. thens greatest hits it's called "twenty years" air from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night sarah jessica parker will be here, daveed diggs will join us he's the guy who played lafayette in "hamilton." he's on "black-ish" now. and we will be music from dan and shea. and, for those of you who live in our neighborhood, on saturday we're having a yard sale in our parking lot. for real. we're selling props, costumes,

everything through the uncle frank helping hand foundation to benefit "my friend's place" which helps homeless young people here in hollywood. [ cheers and applause ] it starts at 8:00 a.m. i will be there, are you going to be there? >> guillermo: yes, i will be there. >> jimmy: we'll be there together. don't be one of those weirdos who shows up at 6:00 a.m. we're not selling anything until 8:00! i hate those people. and for those who can't make it in person you can bid on some great stuff on ebay too. we have some neon signs from when we were in austin. two "bar" signs, a you can sense a team here. there's a jimmy pi?ata, a guillermo pi?ata and this kim kardashian snow blower. would make a wonderful christmas gift. snow blower not included. anyway. join us for that on saturday here in hollywood. our first guest is an oscar-winning actor who you would not want to be your bandleader or cellmate in prison. his new thriller is called "the accountant." >> say you're the head of the

weighing it in 18-wheelers. but one sunny mexican day your in-house money scrubber comes to you and says, you're $30 million light. who can you trust to do the forensic accounting, track your stolen cash? deloitte & touche? h&r block? you somehow contact an individual capable of coming in cold, uncooking years of books, and getting out alive. i retire in seven months. before i do, i need to know who >> jimmy: "the accountant" opens october 14th. please welcome j.k. simmons! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: very good to see you. last time you were here, you were in a tuxedo, you had an oscar in your friends. >> you were trying to take way

to get into a tug of war with you. i saw this photograph of you online, this made the rounds. [ cheers and applause ] is it insulting that everyone was so surprised by this? i mean, really. >> i hadn't thought to look at it that way. >> jimmy: those are some serious gums you've got to $. two of them, not just one. >> one on each side. those are still there, this went away. >> jimmy: the beard left but the muscles remain. are you training? are you in trouble? >> i'm training. to try to not succumb to father time too quickly. >> jimmy: were you always like this, into working out? >> no, i think -- i could probably go back and, you know, beat up my 17-year-old self, i think. >> jimmy: that's a good feeling. >> yeah. >> jimmy: a bad feeling and a good feeling. when you were a kid were you into sports? >> yeah, i was a jock. up until like -- it was 1970, '69.

hold of you? >> it was like you had to choose, you couldn't be a jock and a hippie. you know. after awhile my knees got to be a problem. and i was like, ah. i'll grow some hair. >> jimmy: now you're back with the jocks again. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you were riding your bicycle today, i heard. riding home from the gym? >> yeah. yes, i foolishly ride my bicycle in l.a. >> jimmy: it was almost 100 degrees today. yeah. i had a hoodie on an idiot. >> jimmy: why do you have the hoodie? so people don't go, oh, what the hell, commissioner gordon's on a bicycle! >> yeah, yeah. no, just to keep the sun off because i'm a vampire, basically. such an albialbino. >> jimmy: do you stay up late? >> no, i just avoid the sun. my wife and i, our children are the whitest children in los angeles. >> jimmy: oh, congratulations. >> we try to keep them out of

>> jimmy: how old are your kids? >> 17, the age i just quoted myself. >> jimmy: do you hide your past from them? so that they do not do the things you did and then -- >> i did. >> jimmy: you did? now? >> until you started -- >> jimmy: until tonight. hopefully they won't catch this, then. what kind of kid were you? besides being a -- >> yeah, i was sort of, you know, one of the jocks, then i was one of the hippie freaks rebelling against whatever there t time, you know. >> jimmy: what were you -- did you ever figure out what you were rebelling against? >> we were the rebels without a clue. >> jimmy: were you ever arrested? >> wow. not convicted. all right? [ laughter ] i spent a little time in some holding cells on a few occasions. >> oh, really. you were laying the groundwork for a career as an undesirable.

yet somehow you have wound up in two of the more popular photographs. that's you and amy schumer. and you're recreating "american gothic." it's kind of funny. there is definitely something there. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we need to get you overal her about the similarity. and she was just basically looking for the next, you know, bald, white guy with a fork. [ laughter ] to stand next to and take a picture. >> jimmy: did $you have one? >> i happened to be there and have a fork. i'm usually hanging out at the craft services table. >> jimmy: snacking, bulking up? >> bulking up on blueberries, yeah. >> jimmy: blueberries, i see. that's what makes your body like that, i've got to eat more bluebe

was totally different than what i was imagining it might be. >> well, yeah, and that's -- the title is kind of, what? that's what i love about the movie is that you kind of don't know what it is. and it's sort of a mix of genres and it's interesting on a lot of levels. a super action-packed clip you showed by the way. >> jimmy: i know, i know. i don't want to give anything away. >> i know. >> jimmy: you're not necessarily involved in most of the action-packed clips. >> no, i spend most of my time trailing ben affleck following batman. >> jimmy: he's not batman in this movie although you might think he was batman in this movie. >> he's almost more bad-ass than batman. >> jimmy: he kind of is, like an unsuited batman in this movie. i think it was -- i think it's really good. i wasn't expecting it to be so action-packed. it's interesting you guys are working -- was this movie shot before you decided that you would play commissioner gordon?

shot it about a year and a half ago. and they were going to release it i think last winter. then they thought, oh, they want the more prestigious fall slot because they think it's going to be a movie that's going to get a lot of good attention. >> see. >> they held it until october 14th. >> jimmy: it's real good. it's called "the accountant." j.k. simons, everybody. opens in theaters october 14th. thank you, j.k. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ?

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pam griffin: our daughter courtney got caught in a web of opiate and heroin addiction. doug griffin: our insurance company indicated that courtney's problem wasn't a matter of life and death - so she wasn't eligible for treatment. pam griffin: she told me that she didn't want to live like this anymore... she begged... she begged for help, doug griffin: our family's tragedy could happen to any family... pam griffin: we knew we had to save other families from losing their children. kelly reached out to us. doug griffin: she came to my family to learn more. pam griffin: she listened to what we had to say, who we were - she cared about us... she didn't know us. pam griffin: we talked about the ways to remove the stigma of addiction so parents can get help. doug griffin: kelly co-authored the comprehensive addiction and recovery act -

doug griffin: we don't want courtney to be remembered for her substance abuse, but rather for her struggle to achieve recovery. pam griffin: kelly believes recovery is possible. kelly: i'm kelly ayotte and i approved this message. my story is like of that so many americans. i am the son of my parents. one of three white children born in brooklyn, doing what? we never asked. my mother cooked our meals, washed our clothes, and laid on the ground pretending to be dead until we cried. i try to instill these same values in my own family. my wife barbara ann, and my children jessup and barbara ann jr. my critics will say i'm unqualified, that i have no foreign policy experience. and yet i've been to cancun

cancunese. they said ocho dollars for this baddy, i said quatro, we settled at seis. i am against terror. >> terror is bad! >> always have been, always will be. i knitted this american flag. i love people. i love talking to people. i love talking at people. my father always said, no man ever learned anything it's time to stop listening and to start voting for change. because together we can make today yesterday's tomorrow again. i'm jimmy kimmel and i hit this home run at a televised softball game. >> and one of the favorites -- watch out, watch out! another home run, jimmy kimmel's got it, it's 4-3! >> still not paid for by jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ]

we've got action bronson coming up and music from air, but before that do you have a rinnai tankless water heater? if you don't, call your plumber right this second to have one installed. they're energy efficient and provide an endless supply of hot water. to demonstrate, we put a shower out on hollywood boulevard, and invited pedestrians to get into it. >> guillermo: who wants to take a nice warm shower? you want to take a shower? >> no, thank you. >> guillermo: do you want to take a shower? >> no, thank you. >> guillermo: ready to take a water thanks to rinnai tankless water heaters. >> it's warm. i'll stay here all day. >> guillermo: bring a book? >> magazine would be great. >> guillermo: how's the water? >> it's warm. >> guillermo: this is my shower pinata. >> watch out now. >> guillermo: are you enjoying the shower? i'm trying to get you a magazine or book. the water's still warm? >> it's warm, it's very good.

carry-on suitcase. >> fabulous. >> guillermo: oh, yeah. whoo! you want to look at my moustache? >> perfect. >> guillermo: is it warm? >> it is. >> guillermo: oh-oh! get the towel. okay, i know something better. how do you like this? >> thanks, rinnai! >> dky: rinnai tankless water eaters go to rinnai.us today. >> guillermo: time to get out. >> thank you. >> jimmy: be right back with

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>> jimmy: still to come, music from air. our next guest has a fantastic

smoking drugs and eating food. he's a sous chef turned rapper turned host of a show called "f-word, that's delicious." watch it thursday nights on viceland. please welcome action bronson. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: how's it going? >> great, man, how are you? >> jimmy: i can almost see your eyes. >> i was waiting back there awhile. >> jimmy: if we tested your get the whole audience high. >> through the roof. >> jimmy: how you doing? >> i feel amazing. >> jimmy: was i accurate with my description of your show? which i've seen many, many times. >> you made me blush back there, it was beautiful. >> jimmy: you do, you go around and kind of enjoy yourself with your friends. name should have your buddies that are joining you on the show. >> mayhem loren was writing back. big body bass. we have alchemist. you know.

up with my entire life, it's a natural thing. we go out in queens and all over new york and eat. so it's only right that when we go out, we get, you know, the same treatment. and you get to see it on camera. >> jimmy: not only that, you guys are -- it's not just fooling around, you're serious about the food, very appreciative of good food. >> i worked as a chef ten years before i rapped, ever did anything. i mixed concrete. i removed as business else to. asbestos. >> jimmy: at the restaurant? >> no, at different places. different places. >> jimmy: sounds like a terrible restaurant. >> i've lived the hard life. these hands have crushed rock. >> jimmy: yeah, and now they're rolling joints a lot, yeah. [ laughter ] >> with extreme precision. >> jimmy: it's not just queens. you were traveling all over the country, all over the world, visiting places. where have you been? >> just came back from japan three days ago. >> jimmy: how was that? >> unbelievable. what a culture shock.

there's so much to do in toke you, you can't really -- it's hard to leave. i'm trapped. but next time i'm going to travel the coast and see the beautiful -- i want to see where the cherry blossoms are. we see those pictures, it makes me like a little tear run down. >> jimmy: you're very sensitive. >> i am, man, i am. i'm a big teddy bear. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> but don't get me mad. >> jimmy: they have those in weekend, cherry blossoms. >> i had one in front of my >> jimmy: you did. >> they chopped it down. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> my mother used to do the garden. she used to do the garden in front of the house. something i grew up with. i was very angry. >> jimmy: who chopped it down? >> someone from the housing department. >> jimmy: didn't you find and kill that person? >> i don't want to do that because cherry blossom signifies beauty and peace. >> jimmy: when you kill the beauty and peace, you and the other guys could find the guy who did it and kill him on the show. >> yes, but it would be

it off the air. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i think it would be fun if you had a vendetta on the show. >> you're right, new storyline. >> jimmy: you have been arrested in the past? all our guests tonight have been arrested. >> yes. >> jimmy: what didn't you do -- >> what is this? >> jimmy: you're under oath. share this with us. >> oh, man. you know. just -- tribulations of a young boy in new york city. >> jimmy: stealing? >> yes. >> jimmy: what'd you steal? spot. >> jimmy: i do. >> well, i used to enjoy stealing. this was before the flat screen tv. >> jimmy: okay. >> it was a 32-inch box tv. i used to roll it out of places like kmart wearing the suit. >> jimmy: what? >> thinking that because i had a suit on, that they'd just overlook me. oh, yeah, this guy can't be stealing anything, he's wearing a suit. 18 years old. i have platinum blond hair down to my shoulders, don't ask me

>> jimmy: did you get away with this? >> no. [ laughter ] >> several times i did this one time i didn't, i was caught in linden, new jersey. linden, new jersey. >> jimmy: wow. >> i hate linden, new jersey, i'll never go back. >> jimmy: they got some nerve. >> they do, they do. >> jimmy: you're just trying to get a tv. >> and paints and boom boxes. >> would you sell or keep the tv? >> this one was a gift for my friend. but usually they'd be sold. bartered for other products. >> jimmy: all right. back to the food for a second. i'm curious as a man who's a connoisseur. i feel the same way. i love when i go to a city and i find a place that i've heard of. maybe some little dive that's supposed to have great food. what do you remember as the greatest meal you've ever had? >> wow. well, the greatest meal i've ever had is recently. because it was an experience that i've never felt before in

it was at la creation de narasawa. the number one rated restaurant in the world. chef narasawa is a genius. he brought out several dishes, asked me to guess what they were. i guessed wrong on all of them but i was close. >> jimmy: what were they? >> one was a baby soft shell turtle. >> jimmy: oh. >> i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did you guess it was? >> i gland lar, like a brain or thymus gland that was wrong. i love baby turtles. >> yeah. >> i really do. there's something to see. >> jimmy: oh, i know. >> they break through the sand -- >> jimmy: and there's you eating them at the end the -- yeah. >> i didn't know. >> jimmy: you didn't know. >> then he gave me some soup that tasted like a very rich beef broth. and i come to find out it was a

>> jimmy: really? >> it was phenomenal. >> jimmy: interesting reaction, i hear you say you ate a little snake i'm like, good, one less of them out there. >> i feel that. >> jimmy: but the turtle is like, you monster. >> i felt terrible afterwards. i felt like an animal. >> jimmy: what did the rattlesnake taste like? >> like beef broth, rich and smoky. they eat ox tails from the jamaican spot. >> jimmy: i have, yes. >> ox tails, ts some noise for ox tails! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on guys, what's wrong with you? >> my man knowledge in the background. >> jimmy: they have not made any noise for ox tails at all tonight. >> ever! >> jimmy: it's getting under my skin. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is interesting. you used to cook for the new york mets baseball team. >> i did. i heard that you're a big mets fan. >> jimmy: i am. it's a very exciting and

>> i'm one of those rare born in flushing, queens, my entire life, but i'm a yankee fan. >> jimmy: sorry to hear that. >> it's all right. >> jimmy: yankee fans eat baby turtles. >> i'm not a met hater. >> jimmy: you're not, good. >> i nourish them. >> jimmy: what did you do for them? >> i worked in the commissary kitchen, pretty high up for a minute. then one day i lost my temper. >> jimmy: oh. >> because somebody kept bumping me if the kitchen while i was i think i was making a sauce, some sort of beautiful mushroom sauce. and he just was testing my patience. and this was a time where omar meniah was the gm, he walked in at the exact moment when i threw him over a desk. >> jimmy: the other guy who was bumping you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i was terminated. but i was really -- i was on my way. i was working my way up, man. >> jimmy: what's this beard hair doing in my mushroom stew?

shorter. >> jimmy: a little bit? >> yeah, this is a struggle. >> jimmy: you can't have that in the kitchen. >> you can't. >> jimmy: the show is fun to watch on viseland, it's called "f-word that's dishes." thursday nights. action bron done, everybody! be right back with air! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. chris sununu's family gave him a famous name and the top job at the family resort. but then things went, well, downhill. over the years, chris cut jobs. chris cut workers' hours to deny them health insurance.

chris sununu has no business being governor. this advertisement has been paid for by put new hampshire first and has not been authorized by any candidate. one in eight women will face breast cancer. early detection can mean the difference between life and death. planned parenthood gives new hampshire women access to life saving cancer screenings. hood six times. why? because ayotte opposes a woman's right to choose. in her relentless effort to overturn roe v. wade, ayotte puts critical cancer screenings at risk, hurting new hampshire women. kelly ayotte: putting her personal interests ahead of your health care. senate majority pac is responsible

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank my i guests and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, their album is called "twenty "kelly watch the stars," air! ?

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this is "nightline." >> tonight -- >> did anybody see that debate last night? >> the political aftershocks after the most-watched presidential debate in history. both candidates claiming victory. >> almost every single poll had usin piggy -- >> the never trumpers hillary brought up -- the beauty queen, once a target of trump's slashing out. >> he wasn't even rude to me. >> the architect who says trump short-changed him. >> he basically bullied me into accepting a lot less. >> will their stories help shape the direction of this election? plus sting operation, arizona's professional scorpion hunters. >> crazy big.