(fingers snapping rhythmically) ? they're creepy and they're kooky ? mysterious and spooky ? they're altogether ooky ? the addams family ? when people come to see 'em ? they really are a scream ? the addams family man: neat. sweet. petite. ? so get a witch's shawl on ? a broomstick you can crawl on ? we're gonna pay a call on

(thunder clapping) (bell ringing) (music playing)

(thunder rumbling) that's breathtaking. my painting? the thunder. your painting is absolutely indescribable. it is inspiring, working between the flashes of lightning. it does something for one's eyes. it gives your work character. evocative of the great artists of the past. really darling? like whom? well, toulouse-lautrec. mmm, no, this is a much smaller canvas. whistler's mother? darling, she never painted. that's right, she was too busy whistling. whee! pugsley, wednesday, why aren't you in bed? i thought we put you to bed hours ago. we couldn't sleep. it's so nice and gloomy. this is the best storm since lightning put

coming from his head? it was a beautiful sight, wasn't it? it was indeed lovely. but this is no time for sentimental reminiscences. come along children, i'm going to read you a nice bedtime story. but we don't want a bedtime story. but darling, i was going to read one of your favorites, dear mr. poe's murder in the rue morgue. ah, poe does have a way with whimsy. we'd rather hear the rest of the story and father got married. oh, now, let's not go into that old chestnut. gomez, darling, what a terrible way to talk about our beautiful romance! darling, i'm not talking about our beautiful romance, it's what led up to it. nonsense. it's a true-to-life adventure and the children should know all about it. all right. now come along. let's sit right down here, and get comfortable. now, where were we? you just talked french, and father just kissed you.

now then, plans for the wedding were in full swing. morticia: your aunt ophelia was still trying to amuse your father. i was just sitting there, cutting out paper dolls. (playing light music) (ophelia playing violin) ophelia: faster, lurch, faster. (lurch playing rock 'n' roll music) i told you, she's all talent. and beauty. (groaning) isn't it wonderful, son? (gasps) well, that's all settled.

in ballroom of the ritz (ophelia singing) but i guess it'll do. my gomez and your ophelia do make a lovely couple, don't they? (coughs) would you mind singing some other song, please? kiss me again? i can't, my lips are chapped from all that vapor. oh, poor, poor laddie. (groans) a sudden change in altitude is good for the sniffles. i do hope your vaporizer won't interfere with our honeymoon? by george, it will. shall we call it off? no. mater? fair, shy gomez doth seem reluctant. reluctant? he's always at your feet.

well, the dowry isn't settled yet. well, settle it, settle it. details bore me. what are you two whispering about? ophelia refuses to go through with the ceremony, unless gomez puts his brazil nut plantation in her name. well, we already gave you half his elephant herd. including the tusk rights. i think it's a very generous offer. (gomez coughing) that's clever. it's yours. oh. how do you do that? i don't know, it just always comes out that way. morticia, this is your sister ophelia's wedding, not yours. yes, mama. now how about coming up with a decent dowry? not a nickel over 5,000. oh, come, come now, you can do better than that.

25,000. insult me some more. 50,000. if we push the ceremony up to 2:00. what do you say, son? (coughing) he accepts. oh, fair gomez, from now on your vapor is my vapor. come child. you need a wedding dress. i know a seamstress that is fast, cheap and fairly accurate. we're alone. together. morticia. gomez. morticia.

may i call you tish? of course. i've waited for this moment, tish. so have i. congratulations. they shouldn't leave us alone like this. it's torture, madness, and very bad judgment on their part. how can i marry ophelia when i love you? it's not that your sister isn't a nice girl... sweet. muscular. an angel. a doll. it's just that... i can't stand her. why don't you tell her so? because i'm a weak, sniveling coward. besides, i gave her my word. but what does the word of a weak, sniveling coward mean? means i'm going to be married at 2:00.

(door closing) uncle fester. oh, how wonderful to see you again. morticia, i wouldn't have missed your wedding for anything. well, it's not me who's getting married, uncle fester. it's ophelia. ophelia? what kind of a nut did she finally snag? that one. gomez, i'd like for you to meet my uncle fester. bridegroom, yes. lucky, no. uncle fester, gomez and i are madly in love. then why don't you two get hitched? ophelia's my sister. i couldn't betray her. besides, it would break her heart. it's bad for the digestion. all we have to do is find her another man. (itt chattering)

who's the little guy talking to the servant? that's my cousin itt. he's the family intellectual. the longhair of the family. he looks it. is he married? free as a tumbleweed. he looks that, too. he'd be a perfect groom for ophelia. he'd never see what he's getting into. oh, fair gomez, i'm back. you two run along and leave the matchmaking to me. uncle fester shot the arrow her. the arrow and the gun. leave it to me. uncle fester, how sweet of you to come to my wedding. biggest mistake since uncle tic married aunt phobia. but they were a perfect match. (scoffs) he had two left feet, and she had two right ones. it was a mere physical attraction. i love gomez's soul. for 50,000 fish, you're entitled to a lot more than that.

that's gomez's cousin itt. i'll introduce you. cousin itt, this is ophelia. (chattering) charmed. i love a mystery. (chattering) yes, she is direct. now, if you two kids are smart, you'll get married before 2:00. exactly 11:31. (chattering) flatterer. he means it, too. it isn't every girl he calls a geekle-gackle-gookle. would you like to pick some daisies? (chattering) they have very deep roots. why don't you go out in the garden?

and some wonderful poison sumac. nay! i do not like poison sumac. it will not grow on my head. (chattering) yes, perhaps i should have my head examined. they do have some lovely weeds. weeds? why didn't you say so? silly, silly. sorry, sorry. let's go, cousin itt. weeds are my favorite flowers. (chattering) the seed has been planted. the plot cannot fail. (squishing) oops! i forgot to tell them about the quicksand. a few minutes under the hair dryer and you'll be as good as new. and you, couldn't you see where you were going? of course. i fell in, didn't i? fine time to go wading in quicksand. you're supposed to be getting married. i'd be willing to postpone it for a few years.

i like feeling damp. ? prithee, why so pale and wan, fond lover? ? prithee, why so pale? ? that was my favorite song, until just now. isn't that sweet? the bridegroom's getting nervous. come on, we'd better help the bride dress. i haven't been this excited since aunt trivia's funeral. uncle fester, what happened? i tried, but i guess cousin itt just wasn't her type. no accounting for certain tastes. she doesn't even like poison sumac. what do i do now? if it'll make you feel any better, you can cry during the ceremony. well, that will make me feel a little better. (sniffing) oops! i forgot to turn off the dryer. great scott! (chattering)

couple more minutes under there, he'd have disappeared completely. really?

well, he's not up in the tower room. he's not in the basement. (chattering) i looked there. (chattering) cousin itt, you shouldn't have looked in the chimney. one spark, and you'd have gone up in flames. well, let's face it. your gomez is gone, and my ophelia is upstairs in tears. well, don't panic, he's around here somewhere. (gong resounding) you rang? lurch, have you seen my son gomez? no, mrs. addams. where can that boy be? the river?

and keep your eyes open. you do the best you can. (man laughing maniacally) (man laughing) (echoing) to marry, or not to marry? that is the question. whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous...

i heard you calling. that wasn't me, that was cousin fungus. i'd better turn off the echo. thing? is cousin fungus coming to the wedding? oh, no, he doesn't get out much. what exquisite taste. do you like it? it's a divine tunnel. then stay here with me. just the two of us? (fungus laughing) no, the four of us. cousin fungus and thing. we can play four-handed solitaire. you do paint a lovely picture. but we can't. you must think of ophelia.

think of all the many romances that started out a bit wobbly and then worked out. think of romeo and juliet. they died. ah, but what fun they had those last three days. i suppose there's nothing we can do. courage, mon ami. you spoke french. gomez, now control yourself. we don't want to give cousin fungus the wrong idea. yes, yes. w come along. poor ophelia's crying her eyes out. that might be an improvement. come on out, gomez. you coward. come on, gomez, come out and get married. uncle fester, i thought you were our friend. oh, i am, but we can't have a jilted frump. it'd be a stain on our family escutcheon.

why don't you just tell ophelia the truth? gomez is a weak, sniveling coward. that's right. wouldn't you rather be a strong, masterful he-man? too dangerous. it doesn't have to be. not if you go about it right. why don't we try it? uncle fester, you be ophelia. you're kind, sensitive, quiet and understanding. she certainly has changed. and you are the new gomez. i'm afraid. that's pretty definite. thank you. uncle fester, you're ophelia, you're here, playing with your lyre. gee! i didn't know i could play this thing. uncle fester. now, gomez, put these things down. there. now, don't be frightened.

ophelia, i don't want to marry you. gee, thanks. oh, no, no, no! uh, thank you very much? no, uncle fester, you have to put up more resistance. oh, gotcha. now. come on. go again. ophelia, i won't marry you. what! uncle fester! i'll shoot you this time! i was just fooling. uncle fester, no, no. just fooling. dear, this isn't working out at all. i know, i'll play ophelia. ah, shucks! that isn't fair. well, you can play my mother. all right. (singing) ophelia, your voice needs tuning. it's that just that i'm so excited about my nuptials.

here comes my betrothed now. ophelia, i... all right, son, speak up, speak up. mrs. frump, i'm afraid i can't marry your daughter. what! i'll shoot him in the... uncle fester... mother, please. let the dear boy speak his mind. you were saying? i was saying, there is only one person in the whole world i could ever marry, and that one person is... who? you. gomez. morticia. gomez. morticia. gomez. morticia. it's beautiful.

coming, coming. (playing bridal chorus) aren't you glad you decided to go through with it? (bones snapping) delighted. my, doesn't she look lovely? a real frump. great scott! who is that? sloppy kid. a lovely child has become a breathtaking woman. ophelia? morticia. who? ophelia. there is a customary question i have to ask. does anyone object to this ceremony taking place? yes.

but i--i must tell you the truth. i'm--i'm unworthy of you. really? i'm--i'm sheltered, i'm spoiled, cowardly. that's true. not only that, i'm... i'm irascible and unpleasant and stupid. that's true, too. i--i--i have some endearing qualities. like what? well... i'm rich. that's a very nice quality. thank you. nworthy. besides, i think i've already found my true love. my d'artagnan, my don quixote, my knight in shining armor. sounds like me. but i'm her uncle. i couldn't bring myself to hurt you, gomez, shatter your dreams. but since you've confessed your unworthiness, you leave me no alternative. phew! come, my love.

(clears throat) i might remind you that, as the saying goes, i get paid whether the ball game's rained out or not. fear not, a wedding will be held here this day. he's looking this way. do you think he means me? the woman for me is that graceful, elegant creature standing over there. he does mean me! querida. will you marry me? i thought you'd never ask. (lurch playing harpsichord) oh, your hair... that dress, it drives me wild. i'll never wear another. cara. do you really want to marry this man? i certainly do. but you've only known him a few days. what better way to get acquainted? right. friends, we're going to try it again.

what's your name, child? morticia frump. my favorite frump. (thunder clapping) that's how your father and i got married. did you like the story? yes, it was so romantic. pugsley? all romances are a little goofy.

cousin itt turned out to be too much of a playboy. i'd like to hear more about that. it's much too stimulating this time of night. now you run upstairs and pop into bed, while you can still enjoy this lovely thunderstorm. run along. go on. perhaps we should go upstairs and enjoy the thunderstorm. oh, darling, i can't. i have to finish my painting. querida, must you paint tonight? i want to capture this wonderful lightning. gomez, darling, look. i've captured it.

oh, well thank you very much. - don't worry, mike. in a couple hours he'll fix the car and we'll be out of this place. - [davy] what a place to be stuck in. did anybody check if there's any travel bureaus or something to do? what can we do in this place? - i just saw some advice to tourists. - oh really? what does it say? - why don't we yankee go in? - right. (conversation in spanish) - [peter] oh, i see a table right here. why don't we just sit down right here? - where's my chair? - here, i'll move it. - you okay?

- oh, true love strikes again. - [mike] davy, don't, not this time. - what's your name? - angelita. - angelita, that's a very pretty name. it means little angel. my name's david. - what does david mean? - david means business, baby. - no, he's only joking. i don't know how long we're gonna be here, but i thought, if you've got time, you might go in a walk in the town with me. - go for a walk? man, that went out with the judy garland and mickey rooney movies. - you mean you don't want to go out with me? - that's what she means! angelita, come here. - she don't go with you tonight or any other night. you leaving town tonight. - well, who said we have to leave town? - el diablo, he say so. it's his orders. - now wait a minute! it's a free country. (outbursts of surprise)

? (lyrics) here we come ? walkin' down the street ? we get the funniest looks from ? everyone we meet ? hey, hey, we're the monkees ? and people say we monkey around ? but we're too busy singing ? we're just tryin' to be friendly ? come and watch us sing and play ? we're the young generation ? and we've got something to say ? hey, hey, we're the monkees ? you never know where we'll be found ? so you'd better get ready

- but angelita. - angelita? are you kidding me? you heard what that guy said. that's el diablo's girl, and if he catches you with her he'll kill you. - well, every couple has its problems, you know. - every couple has its problems, now that's -- - i'm gonna go back in there and see her. - ra! - ahhh! hey, let's go and check the car!

i examine it from top to bottom. finally, i find the trouble. - oh, good, what is it? - it's broken. - we know it's broken. what we mean is, is it a fan belt or fuel pump? - no, amigo. it's nothing like that. what you need is a new motor. - how much will the new motor cost? - 50,000 centavos for the labor. 60,000 centavos for the parts. and 40,000 centavos for the -- - wait a minute. - $14.95. - $14.95? how we gonna get $14.95 in the middle of mexico? - can we work for it? - senores, my people, they don't know nothing about your new american music. but, the old must make a way for the new. so you can play the music here tonight. ? san antone ? what am i doing hangin' round

that train and gone ? i should be ridin' on that train to san antone ? what am i doing hangin' round - excuse me. excuse me. here you are, boys, thank you. alright, gringos, play! play until you think you can't play any more. play until you think you will drop. and then, keep playing, eh? i suppose. - no, we're gonna cut outta town, we're gonna keep outta trouble, and we're gonna... count our chickens before they've hatched. - davy, no, please davy. - davy, you can't. you can't talk to her man, he told you you couldn't talk to her. - listen, i just wanna say goodbye. - no. - oh, okay. - yes, fine. - yeah, a little goodbye, you could say. with your eyes, say it with your eyes. - hello. - hello. - goodbye. - oh davy? davy?

to be el diablo's girl. but in this town, one does not have a choice. - [micky] davy, oh, we're gonna be here the rest of our lives. - angelita, i have to go now. but i just want to tell you that i understand, and it's best if we don't see one another again. - davy, you were just gonna say goodbye. - i was just gonna say goodbye again. and again. - diablo! el diablo's coming! (panic) (gunshots) who is this el diablo person? oh, that's el diablo, well! - [all] (whispering) davy, davy! - who is this i see with the woman of el diablo? - oh, we were just dancing, you know? - oh, you like to dance? alright, gringo, dance!

(gunshots) - look angelita, look at this bouncing puppet you choose over el diablo. - i don't care, i still love him. - love him? - oh no, she doesn't, she's joking. she doesn't really know me. - you know what i do with fools like him? - no? - first, i cock the pistol, then i close my eyes, then i aim and i fire. - i'll take my chances. - no, please! - steady, steady. - alright, gringo, i want to hear you beg for your live. beg! - oh, merciful master, ardent killer, oh, i beg, i'm begging, i'm begging. - [all] oh wait! (pleading for davy) - see my friends are begging too, look at them, down there! - see what you are giving your heart to, this idiot this coward, this, this... - what sir? - failure, lousy!

! look at his beautiful mouth. - oh no, my mouth is all crooked, you see. - beautiful eyes. - no, my eyes, they crust, they crust. - see that? - tiny tiny ears. - no, my ears is all bent, see that? please, don't, she's only joking. please don't do that. he's gonna shoot me. (gunshot) - take a last look angelita. you will never see him again. get him! - oh, no, she was joking. she was putting you on. - you will be taken by horseback to the bandito camp. - and if i don't resist? - describable torture. - oh, don't describe it to me, please. - take him out. - never mind, never mind, nothing, nothing. - he's big. - in order to rescue davy, we're gonna have to go there.

wait a minute. don't you think maybe we outta take something else with us? like a club card or some badges? - badges? we don't need no stinking badges. - well okay, we might as well go. - [all] ai! - thank you very much. - yes, yes, everything is alright, amigos. everything is okay. uys. - [mike] yes, i think we found them. - hey, i think they got us, guys. - hey, do you see davy anywhere? - no. - shh. - i will take the funny fellows to el diablo.

, wherever he is. (indistinct shouts) - [el diablo] what is this? - what is this. i tell you what is this. my leader, the greatest bandit in the world, wish to join forces with you. - who is this who call himself the greatest bandit in the world? - who is this, who asks who is this the greatest bandit of them all? - they call me el diablo. also known as the bandit without a heart. - they call me el tolencio, also known as the bandit without a soul. - and they call me el nesmerto, also known as the bandit without any conscience.

- [mikey] okay diablo, my band of friends and i, we want to join forces with you. we want to ride down the hills into the villages, right into the mouths of the guns of the villagers, shooting and killing and riding on the horses. and the federales all come screaming down the hill looking for us. and the killing and -- - [el diablo] you, join forces with me? (laughs) - oh yeah, we even brought our own fixings. - we shall see. you will be given a series of tests. if you pass them, you can join our camp. but beware if you fail. the last man who fail was found in a ditch. he was shot, knifed, poisoned and killed. - shot? - knifed? - poisoned? - and killed? we got our own (spanish) too.

- we got our own (spanish) too. how'd you do that? - that's very good, i didn't know you could do that. you used to play the dummy. would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels

demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. we can call aunt rose as much as we want now. switching is easy. get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee with no contract to sign. plus get free installation, really? honest...no.

the test of strength. (cheering) - hey, what's going on here? - shh! it is the second test,

- any deuces? (maniacal laughter) - go fish. no deuces! - this celebration is for you, my friends. will you join me in some wine? - no. - no, we don't drink wine. - when el diablo drinks, everybody drinks. - a toast to our new friends and fellow bandits. - [all] toast to new friends and fellow bandits, hey! - a toast! a toast to... - to end all this drinking. yes! (smash) - let's find where davy is.

- he go to get some fresh air. - but we are outside. - oh, yes, we're outside. - it's from the wine, he's uh, get the oo-oo-oo. - oh, yeah! get some air, eh? - buenos dias, el guardo. como va. yo guardo el prisonero usted va el partio. - yes, yes? iablo, lots of food, there's a party, fiesta. lot's of carrying ons over the hill. - yes? - booze! - oh! - oh no, no mister bandit please, i didn't mean it. honestly, it was a joke, honestly. - davy, it's me, peter. - peter who? - peter tork. - oh peter! - davy. - peter! - davy. - peter! - davy. - untie me, you know, we've gotta get out. - oh yes, i'll have you out of here, untie the knot, just as soon as i...

lemme see, oh yes, you know the knot? well there's a little part underneath it. peter, my finger, don't pull on my finger, will you? - peter's gotta have found davy by now. let's get outta here. - [mikey] el tolencio and myself, wish to thank you for the banquet, but the wine and everything, we need to get some air. - some air! - some air, we gotta get outta here. - stick it through the figure eight. now do it, will you? now, underneath, you see the string hanging down, rossed like a figure, well, an eight, an eight. it's shaped like this, an eight, you got that? well anyway, you take that, and you take the loose end. been here for 25 minutes. (shouting) - oh no mr. bandit, please don't. - peter, you're choking me. - bango, bango bango bango! - mr. bandit, please don't. - don't what? it's mike and, i mean it's micky and mike! - mikey and mike who? - micky and mike who? - you know micky and mike, what did you say micky and mike who for?

- well it's very simple man. you just put the loose end through the figure eight. - that's what i was trying to tell him all this time. - untied, freed out, okay. vamanos, amigos. - what's that mean? - it means come on, guys, let's go. - well, at least it's in character. - [all] let's go, let's go! - [man] hey, haltiamo, por favor. you guys ain't going nowhere. - what? - 50 cents for parking. what do you mean, we're just tourists! - tourists? where're your seer sucker jackets, your flat shoes, your japanese cameras? - [all] we are mexican bandits, that's right, mexican bandits. - if you can be mexican bandits, i can be a mexican parking lot attendant. 50 cents for parking. - we can dig it, we can dig it. - gracias. - see you later. (crunch)

- i see that! - those bandits, they were the musicians. - i see that. - after them! - oof, i didn't see that. - hey monkees, some gasoline? - davy, oh! - okay, how much for the gas. - 20,000 centavos for the can. - okay. - 50,000 centavos for the gas. - okay. - and 40,000 centavos for the labor. - what labor? (screaming) - ay chihuahua! - i bring news from el diablo for you. - for me? - for you. - ah, please, ah. what does it say? mike, el diablo. "i, el diablo, challenge the musician

and, "the place is the center of town. "the time: high noon." - (spanish) it's high noon. listen, if there's heavy traffic, can we make it 12:15? - high noon, wow! - well look, man, you've been challenged. what are you gonna do? - what am i gonna do? micky dolenz and a challenge, what do you think i'll do? - you're gonna split. - right! - no, don't leave! if you leave, he will punish the entire town. - baby, if i don't leave he gonna punish my entire body. (clock strikes 12) (ring) (bray) (slam open)

- that's right. i showed up for the showdown. wish i didn't have to be here, el diablo. i hate killin'. i hate harmin' any living creature. - then how come you got 43 notches in your gun? - i make exceptions. - you don't stand a chance, gringo. ny hombres at high noon. - why do you always pick high noon for your dates? - i'm working on a tan. i'm going to count to three, gringo. - right, three. - one. two. (gunshots)

woo, you missed! ? (lyrics) just a loud mouth yankee i went down to mexico (gunshots) ? i didn't have much time to spend, about a week or so ? there i lightly took advantage of a girl who loved me so ? but i found myself a-thinkin' ? when the time had come to go ? i should be on that train and gone ? i should be ridin' on that train to san antonee ? what am i doin' hangin' round (gunshots)

? then she told me that she loved me ? not with words but with a kiss ? and like a fool i kept on thinkin' ? of a train i could not miss ? what am i doin' hangin' round ? i should be on that train and gone ? what am i doin' hangin' round ? what am i doin' hangin' round ? i should be on that train and gone ? i should be ridin' on that train to san antonee

as if i haven't eaten in days. - me too, man, i'm starved. (humming) - hello, misses filchok. - boys, i'm sorry boys. i'll have to be taking back my chairs. - oh, it's okay, i always eat on the floor. - sorry to do it on such short notice, fellas. but you know those dishes i loaned you? ease tell me what's going on here? - [peter] silverware, too and the whole smear, huh? - well, what, what is she (stutters)? careful, you're gonna hurt your ... - can somebody please tell me what's going on here? - [lady] wait a minute. - [micky] can i help you? - hold this, will you? - i'll get it, i'll get it, wait. (grunts) i got it, i got it. - micky, now steady. - i got it, no, i got it. - micky, steady! - [micky] i don't got it. - [davy] micky! (crashes)