[ doorbell rings ] i'll get it. ooh. in the name of the elders of mandor prepare to die! what? take this gorgo and this gorgo. ( screaming ) wait. no. i'm not gorgo! you're not? no. so, this isn't the fortress of wolfrick? no, this is 133 collins road. i'm sorry. am i embarrassed. so you're not going to kill me? no, no, no. there's been a terrible mistake. we recently merged with another horde and the interdepartmental communication has been horrible. i'm sorry to trouble you. oh, that's okay. it was no trouble.

[ man grunts painfully ] sorry.

fueled by the flames of vengeance and persecution the salem witch trials lasted a year. by the end of 1693, 20 were hanged... and the town had seen its darkest days. okay, two notes on tomorrow's field trip to historic salem.

8:00 a.m. on a saturday? that's just wrong. and pack lightly. you'll be provided with period clothing when you arrive. the idea is for us to fully immerse ourselves in the repressive culture of the time. you want to sit next to me on the trip tomorrow? i'm not even sure i'm going. don't you want to see where the witches lived? big deal. touchy. hey, adam. hey. he is so into you. has he asked you out? not yet, because he's shy. adam's not the type of guy who would ask a girl to do something. she'd have to make the first move. when are you going to do it? in salem. it's the perfect setting to let adam know i like him. have you ever dated a baseball player? let's see... football, hockey, soccer, la crosse, badminton... no. zelda: what about carl? we could invite him. eh. he always wants to bring his skunk familiar. hey, what's going on?

er party tomorrow night. i had a hankering for seven-witch chili. we'll save you some for when you get back from your trip. uh, i don't think i can go. why not? i'm sick. see? bed of nails? why am i like this? because you're a faker. huh? you know, an indian mystic a fakir. this is a very painful pun, aunt hilda. her point is, you're not sick. ouch. okay, i'm not. but i've been thinking about it and salem sounds like a dangerous place for a witch. the salem witch trials had nothing to do with real witches. besides, that was 300 years ago. there's nothing to worry about now except over-priced souvenirs. really? go and have a good time. students: ? ...eight bottles of beer on the wall ? ? eight bottles of beer ? ? take one down, pass it around ? ? seven bottles of beer on the wall... ? okay, that's enough. we're here. can't we finish the song? we were so close.

going to hand out these envelopes which each contain a card. don't open them yet. on each card is a role for you to play while at salem village. most of the cards say "townsperson" but one or more may say witch. witch? if you really play your roles we can make history come alive. open your envelopes but don't reveal your card to anyone. i'm a townsperson. what are you? who cares. i'm not even looking. hi, everybody. what's mr. pool doing here? he must be one of our chaperons. what won't he do for money? jenny, art thou chewing gum? i art. well, out with it. had the puritans known chewing gum

ownspersons, and welcome to salem. over there is ye olde inn where ye will eat and sleep. and yonder is the meeting hall, where we'll discuss town issues. now, before we spread out i want everyone to pick a buddy. buddy? better be. libby, i'll be your buddy. no, i want to be your buddy. be each other's buddies. i have someone else in mind. you were my next choice. hey, slugger. hey. listen, adam, i know you're shy, so i'll make it easy. be my buddy? thanks, libby. but i already asked jenny. what? like, as a joke? no. hey, buddy. hey, libby. hey yourself. so, does everyone have a buddy? not me. well, we can take care of that. i'll be your buddy, goody chessler. i feel like i'm falling down a well.

? it's a cry i must do ? ? standing on the rooftop ? ? shout it out ? ? baby, i'm ready to go ? ? oh, i, i'm ready to go ? ? from the rooftop ? ? shout it out ? ? it's a cry i must do ? ? standing on the rooftop ? ? shout it ? ? baby, i'm ready to go ? ? oh, i, i'm ready to go ? ? from the rooftop shout it out ? ? shout it out ? i'm starving. glad the puritans had chips. me, too. man, those chores were tougher than baseball practice. yeah. i'm really going to feel that churning tomorrow. so has anyone been accused of having a witch card? no, and i hope no one is. why not? first, you start looking for witches. the next thing, it turns into a witch hunt.

so, you all enjoying puritan life? if i wanted to do chores i would have stayed home this weekend. life was hard then. it wasn't unusual for a woman your age to be married and have a kid. all: ew! hey, jenny, could i talk to you outside? alone... that's forbidden. no harm will come of it. do you see that? it's disgusting. i can't stand this. jenny is going to be so sorry. where you going? to channel my anger into something productive. before i tell you this you have to promise not to repeat it. upon my soul. i could get put in the stocks for this but you look really cute in that outfit. thanks. so do you. uh, uh, uh, uh. unless ye be married there will be no holding of hands. geez. ye be really into this. what was that? ( girl screams )

libby, what's wrong? she did this to me. jenny's specter flew in and braided my hair. why? to make me look dorky. her spirit also threw my shoes out the window, and i'll prove it. there! see what jenny's stupid specter did to my shoes? i wasn't lying. that's proof. of what? that jenny's card says witch. that's ridiculous. jenny's not a witch! the puritans would have taken these allegations very seriously. right. so, as puritans, you have a choice. you can either deal with the witch accusation or go back to your chores. i saw jenny with the devil. i saw jenny with the devil. i saw jenny with the devil. witch, witch. witch, witch. what's going on? get her! run! ( chanting ): witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! what was that all about? they think you're a witch. really? cool.

but not right now. so, just tell me, did your card say "witch"? nope. "townsperson." great. then, you're off the hook. i spit my gum out in it. how could you? that's what the wrapper's for. why are you getting so worked up? because they're persecuting you and if they can do this to you they can do it to anyone. it's just a game. but what if you were a witch and this wasn't a game? goody kelly, you're wanted in the meeting house. it's time for your trial. why couldn't we have recreated thanksgiving? let's begin the trial. bring in the accused witch, jennifer kelly. cold. cold. she's making me cold. cold. cold. cold. oh, put a sweater on. all right, jennifer kelly you are accused of being a witch. do you confess it? no. but didn't your specter twist goody chessler's hair? no, i'm pretty sure my specter was with me the whole time. and where were you? you weren't in the dining hall. she was with adam.

we were just talking. about what? i can't say. i've been sworn to secrecy. there are no secrets from the court. then ask jill if that's her real nose. silence. jill's nose is not on trial here. you will tell the court what you were discussing or be held in contempt. do with me what you may. i will not betray a trust. that's enough. i'm proud of the way you stood up to everyone. thanks. did they find the key yet? no. i wish i really was a witch. i'd zap open these stocks and broomstick it out of here. hey, there's adam. i'll go talk to him. 'tis a providence you're here. where have you been? in the woods. what happened to jenny?! she's accused of being a witch. she won't tell what you were talking about. your secret's safe with me. i'll tell the court. ye will not suffer on my account. no, don't. besides, they would have found out monday.

what say ye? mr. pool, today at lunch, i did speak with jenny. what was your conversation? this is kind of hard for me, but... i've decided to quit baseball. what?! you're our best shortstop. why would you do that? witchcraft! all: witchcraft! no. no! i wanted to spend more time on my studies. jenny has witched him! she's turned a man against sport. don't blame jenny. blame coach. he's insane. all: witchcraft, witchcraft! ) listen to yourselves. you have no proof jenny's a witch. we have no proof she isn't either and that's good enough for me. you could say that about anyone in this room. ow! she's pinching me. she's pinching me! jenny, stop pinching libby. not jenny. sabrina. i'm not doing anything. yes, you are. ow! all: ow... ow... ow... ow... ow... she has a witch card. sabrina is a witch!

me? a witch? that's ridiculous. so you deny it? well, i... i'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. because you're a witch. stop saying that! witch! careful! what?! hex me? witch! you don't know what you're talking about. the only witch in this room is you! ( thunder crackling ) what just happened? i can explain it. you can? oh, good. yes. i may be wearing funny clothes but i'm still a science teacher. and what we just saw was ball lightning, a very rare and unusual phenomenon. aren't we lucky? lucky? it almost killed me. but it didn't. let the record show, it didn't. i think that's enough for today. tomorrow, there'll be more candle making cow milking and... the trial of sabrina. ( pounds gavel ) hello, aunt zelda? oh, sabrina

everything is going crazy. you have to come get me. sabrina, slow down. you're hard to understand when you're not agitated. come get me. don't you like salem? no. please come get me. what's going on? i'll tell you when you come get me. and don't fly, drive. you two arriving on vacuums is not going to help. we have to go. sabrina needs us. oh. all right. sorry, guys. salem, you're in charge. yes. control. chili. l. ( evil laughing ) i still don't get why you're taking off. there's just something about this town. ooh... there are my aunts. it's been fun. bye, harvey. come on, stay. i can't. sorry. see you monday. ( sighs ) hi, sabrina. we would have been here sooner

well, let's hit the road. not so fast. what's going on? well, we've been doing this role-playing game. that sounds like fun. no, it's not. people think i got a witch card. they've accused me of being a witch. i tell you, this town needs a disco. so do you have the witch card? i didn't even look at mine, and i have no idea where it is. this is new. mortals have been accusing each other for centuries but this may be the first time they got a real witch. it doesn't feel like a game to me. they think being a witch is a bad thing. oh, you know it isn't. then, why can't i tell people i am one for real? it's not a good idea. trust me-- they won't understand. well, they almost found out today. if i take the stand tomorrow i can't honestly claim my innocence. and then what? sabrina, calm down. there's a lesson to be learned here and you're going to stay and learn it. you're not taking me home? no. can you give me a hint what the lesson is?

but i don't know who i am. i lost my card. you don't need a card to tell you who you are. that's right. what's right? you know what's right. and now it's time for us to go home to our chili. everything will be fine. so you drove an hour to give me some vague platitudes? that's what being a parent is. you'll thank us when you're 40. not if they hang me, i won't. i'm really glad you stayed. and standing trial? sabrina... it's time for your trial. wish me luck. is my bonnet on straight? all set. great! the cart will be here in a moment. students: witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! witch! hey, watch it with the cabbage! witch! witch! itchy.

g wool. we're all itchy. ( pounding gavel ) we'll continue with the trial of goody spellman. goody chessler has accused you of being a witch. do you confess it? yep. you do? uh-huh. i'm a witch, but i lost my card. so i guess i'm not a card-carrying witch. but i am a witch. all right, then, i guess that's it. just sign this confession, and we'll begin shunning you. wait! what are you saying? you're not a witch. that was a false confession. i have no problem saying i'm a witch. but i know it's not true. i mean, look at this face. is this the face of a witch? no! witches are horrible, ugly things and... they melt when you throw water on them. look. see? she's still there. thanks, harvey. but what you just described is a stereotype. how do you know witches are ugly? have you seen one? no. maybe you fear witches because you've never met any.

maybe there are witches among us right now but we're so closed-minded they can't tell us who they are. and we're the ones missing out. because if we just accepted witches maybe there'd be a big pizza party right now. so i ask you, can we accept witches? crowd: no! no! no! down with witches! aunt hilda was right. order! order! that was a lovely speech, sabrina. but the bus will be here soon and it's time for the group to pass judgment on you and jenny. please stand before us. goody kelly... you have been accused of being a witch and have been given a chance to defend yourself. who here believes jenny has a witch card? ( crowd clapping ) i'll take that as a "yes." aw, man, is this going on my record? goody spellman... you have been accused of being a witch and have been given a chance to defend yourself. who here believes sabrina has a witch card?

witch but is letting sabrina off for lack of enthusiasm. ( pounds gavel ) but i confessed! i confessed! nice try, sabrina. no one can accept you're a witch. they are never getting a pizza party now. so how will jenny be punished? libby, we're not going to punish jenny. after what her specter put me through? if it makes you feel any better pretend we hanged her. that's not good enough. shouldn't she at least sit in the stocks until the bus comes? i mean, she's a witch. and we hate witches. ooh... i'm cold. i'm really cold. aren't you guys? no. maybe i'm a little chilly. i just got a wet willie! this is witchcraft! you're taking this too far. but you have to believe me. hah! there's a monkey on my shoulder! there's a monkey on my shoulder! get it off me! get it off me!

okay... look... i was making it up before but now i really see a monkey. did you hear that? she was making it up. of course, i was. so you confess? you were just pretending to be cold and itchy and dorky? yes. yes. now, can we please deal with the monkey on my shoulder? in a second. first, given new evidence that libby was making stuff up we will reverse jenny's conviction. my specter and i thank you. the day in the stocks until the bus comes. whoo-hoo! don't you see him? he's wearing a fez and saying, "ook, ook... ook." ( moaning ) i think my mom's really going to like this homemade butter. and i got a kitchen witch for my aunts. oh, no. my nose is itchy. i'll help you out there, buddy. ( sighs )

y at salem. but before we get on the bus i want to let you in on a secret. what we've been studying was not just 17th-century life but human nature. the persecution, the hysteria of 300 years ago arose again today. and all it took was an idea planted in your head, the idea that someone different was among you. it wasn't just an idea. i did see a monkey. and that's what hysteria can do to you. no one had the witch card. every single card said "townsperson." i didn't create the witches. you did. now, think about that on the ride home. so, should we do the last seven bottles or go back to 99? i don't know. i'm just going to sleep the whole way back. so that's where my card went.

a kitchen witch. sabrina, thank you. we'll hang it over the cauldron. i thought you'd like it. are you glad you stayed at salem? yeah, it was a freaky weekend though. but you guys were right-- i learned a lesson. what lesson? the lesson. oh, that lesson. i'll get more pie. wait! don't get up.

salem? glee club! man, don't do that to me. sorry, but i need a favor. see, i haven't had a date in weeks. no. you've done it before. well, i'm not again. i'll make it worth your while. hmm... okay, but it's going to cost you. here's your cat, ma'am. i can't believe he did that. bad kitty. cats aren't the brightest animals. you are so right. ow! are you okay? yeah, i am fine. how can i ever thank you? oh, look! a freshly baked homemade seven-layer cake. would you like some? was it made by a single gal? yes, sirree. i'll just put my ladder away and be right back. good work, salem. show me the tuna! you got to show me the tuna.