he doesn't drink beer. he has indoor plumbing. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and he's two years older than ronny. two years. which is as old as lauren green's dog. [ laughter ] you know, for the sake of the monologue, i hope president reagan appoints a 13 year old kid with a foreign policy. [ laughter ] w remember how-- >> yes, another puzzle joke. >> what? >> another one of those puzzles. >> that's right, it was a puzzle joke. [ laughter ] we have an exciting show tonight. we really do. [ laughter ] why don't you think we don't have a good show tonight? [ laughter ] later on, you didn't mention this, but julia child's, the famous chef, will be out here and show us

the moral majority. [ laughter ] [ applause ] we have ricky schroder, sean morey, and jeana tomasino. and we will be back. [ music ]

[ music ] [ applause ] all right, we have tonight. >> this crowd is ready for a party. >> aren't they though? >> they are ready to go. >> it's not a full moon either. how is your back? you might as well tell them because you're sitting a little straight. >> i know. i thought last time i should have said something because i when i stood up. >> he threw his back out. >> if anybody knows what that is, you know how painful it is. >> how do you do that? >> very simply. you reach over for a pencil and your back goes. it's a crazy thing.

>> it's a spasm of the muscle. it's extremely painful. you've got your broken ribs, crushed ribs. >> well i had them a month ago. they are still sore. >> i think they ought to come in and get two wheelchairs and take us right down to the old home. >> i think so. >> can we have a cottage together? >> tomorrow we can sit in the sun between 2:00 and 3:00. [ laughter ] >> do we each have a nurse or do we have to share? >> you are sitting very erect. >> i have a brace on. i'm in like a little corset. >> it apparently helps though. an, tony randall was on the show and he was discussing some various words. it was an article, common things you see every day but most people do not know the name. for example, i think one of them was the little plastic tip that goes on the end of your shoelace. people see that every day. >> right. >> but they don't know the name. do you remember what that's called? that's right, it's an aglet. >> aglet. >> it's an aglet. there were several others, like the bottom of a wine bottle that's indented was called a. >> bottom of a wine bottle. >> no, not the bottom of a wine bottle.

of a wine bottle. >> the indentation is called a kick. >> there's some reason for that. >> this is called a philtrum. we got into a big thing about the discussion of this and i heard from surgeons all over the country. i said it was this part here. but if you hold your hand like this, and spread your fingers, there's a little depression in here. that little web in there. do you feel that? if you do that. that is called the anatomical snuffbox. [ laughter ] apparently people ul and nowadays they probably put something else in there. [ laughter ] >> that's where you put the salt for the tequila, right? >> we found some other words. things you have seen but i bet you don't know the word. you ever go to a hockey game? you see the big machine that comes out and cleans the ice? >> yes. >> there's a name for that. >> zamboni. >> how did you know that? >> hockey fans. >> that's a zamboni, you're absolutely right. >> probably named for the man who invented it. >> i don't know, but that's what it's called, zamboni. all right, now the holes in your noses.

do you know what those are called? not your nostrils. the nares. >> the nares. >> that's right. the fold of skin hanging down the throat of an elderly person. [ laughter ] there's a name for that. it's called a dewlap. >> a dewlap. that's a good name for it. >> in a stained glass window, the part that's not glass is called what? no, tracery. >> the tracery. >> i didn't know that. on a wristwatch, the casing around a crystal is called the? >> somebody has it. >> vessel, somebody had it. you a jeweler? >> yes. >> that's right. that's what it is. he's a good one because he knew that. like my vessel fixed. i didn't know that. now here's one. the footprint or plaster cast they make as evidence

>> moulage. >> you are exactly right, moulage. are you a criminal or an investigator? [ laughter ] how did you know that? >> see how intelligent our audience is? >> it's called a moulage, moulage. how did the lady know that? >> i watch andy griffith. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> well, you never know what people will pick up in education. she watches the andy griffith show. >> and they say television is low level. that's wonderful. >> they probably should take a moulage of that. >> that's right. [ laughter ] >> that's hysterical. the distance between the top and bottom of a printed letter? is called? >> the body? >> no, it's called the x-hite. a lot of these are terms that would be used by professionals

of those and-- >> i'm still not done yet. >> oh, i know. >> i'll let you know. >> i didn't know one of those on the first three pages. >> let's see if you know any of these. here's one that everybody will know. a seat with the canopy that you ride on top of an elephant? [ laughter ] >> everybody will know that. >> have you heard that? it's the howdah. h-o-w-d-a-h. all right. here's one i'll bet you don't know. the base that a statue sits on? [ overlapping chatter ] somebody said it. it's called a plinth. p-l-i-n-t-h. who would know these? the cushion for an extra rider behind a motorcycle driver? do you know what that's called? >> no. >> a pillion. >> pillion. >> is somebody making these up or is that for real? [ laughter ] now here's one, we'll see if the guys

of certain wind instruments is called a? not a reed. >> a fipple. >> who said that? >> ernie. >> you're right, it's a fipple. >> a fipple. >> plug of wood at the mouth certain. what instruments would that be? >> recorders. >> recorders. it's called a fipple. >> the fipple. >> these little things we want to pass along and for the other things you just watch the andy griffith show. [ laughter ] >> that's really-- page four about did it, didn't it? when you've got the fipple boy, you've said it all. i would say every strange word, every unknown word of the world i've just heard. certainly, every single word in the world that i didn't know were on those four pages. >> you are wrong, and i don't have one tonight. [ laugher ] >> you're out of sync. >> i'm completely out of sync. >> you can call me a fipple breathe. >> see, there's certain things that probably don't have names, but should have names that sound like what they really are. >> like the dewlap?

>> that would make sense. for example, we can up with some that we think would be good. a sumo wrestler's costume? it's called a show bun. [ laughter ] does that make sense? >> that's perfect. >> in other words, it sounds like what it should be. an abscam it? an abscam it's the little pocket inside a congressman's suit where he keeps his bribe. [ laughter ] a little abscam it. the rubber glove that a doctor is called a who mitten. [ laughter ] now here's one they probably don't have a name for. the stuff that collects on the inside of a highway patrolman's drunk driving balloon? [ laughter ] is called brew dew. [ laughter ] brew dew.

[ laughter ] the very expensive dinner the bachelor buys to impress his date is called score chow. >> score chow. [ laughter ] >> now you've been at the amusement park? >> right. >> the name for the amusement park employee whose job it is to fit fat women into roller coaster cars is called a tush jammer. [ laughter ] this is a weird one. polycrud. >> what is that? >> i don't even want to talk about that. [ laughter ] >> you mentioned it. >> it's the stuff you get under your fingernails when you pet a dead parrot. [ laughter ] >> you were right. >> the yellow traffic light between the green light and the red light is called a floor-it. [ laughter ]

lame ducklings. [ laughter ] people don't know that. now where's the other one i had here? now this is technically true. check this one. the very brief interval between stubbing your toe and feeling the pain is called an osh. [ laughter ] [ applause ] okay, we'll be back with ricky schroder right after this.

[ music ] thank you doc. my next guest--

my next guest, was the playmate of the month in the november issue of playboy magazine. she's currently featured in a new motion picture by michael crichton, called "looker." we have the magazine here, and i could show you the pictures, but we are still on network. the pictures are very lovely. but we have not progressed to that point yet where we can show the unclothed. [ laughter ] >> unclathed, that's a new word. >> the unclathed, yes. on your list. >> unclathed means you wish they were unclothed. [ laughter ] we can't show that. she's a lovely lady. would you welcome, jeana tomasino. [ music ] [ applause ] we were just looking at your pictures. they are very pretty. something flying around here. >> it didn't come with me.

>> no, i didn't mean that you had brought insects with you. [ laughter ] you're very pretty. >> thank you. >> it's sitting there. now i want to ask you, be honest about this. you said in things you liked, you mentioned some of your favorite programs, i think were 60 minutes, and you mentioned the tonight show. is that true? >> well, almost. >> what do you mean almost? >> i said i like the tonight show "with" johnny carson. >> well i didn't see that. [ laughter ] >> you can read it to johnny. you can read it too. [ laughter ] >> how did this come about? how does one get to be a? i imagine there are thousands of girls in this country that kind of fantasize that someday they would get to be the centerfold in playboy. how did it come about for you? >> i was a model in milwaukee and i moved to chicago and was modeling there for playboy models. [ applause ] every time i would go in to pick up a check or something, the magazine is in the same building,

so everyone is anxious to get in on it in the building. >> you mean if somebody finds somebody, who will become the playmate, they get a finder's fee? >> yes. >> i didn't know that. >> sure, i'm always going up to pretty girls on the street and, "would you like to be playmate?" [ laughter ] >> guys, we got a whole new thing going. [ laughter ] so now, what happened in your case? did somebody in the store recommend you? >> they did about 10 different times, and for three years i thought about it. and then i started dating a man who worked for playboy and he use to bring me it was such fun. i wanted to be a part of it. >> so, he put your name in. >> so i did the test shots, and he put my name in, and got my finder's fee. he just got it a few weeks ago and i'm kind of mad at him because he didn't give it back to me. >> right. >> that's kind of why i wrote him in because i thought he'd say, "here honey." >> is this your boyfriend? >> yes. >> did he get the finder's fee? >> yes, and he's keeping it. >> and he's keeping it. >> i wanted it. >> well don't you also receive something for the centerfold yourself? >> you do get a set amount

and it's very lucrative. >> is this something you wanted to do when you were younger? >> i did but i never thought i would get it. people, when i was in high school, people thought i was a toothpick and i had all of these funny names they use to call me, and i never dreamed. >> you were very skinny? >> oh, very skinny and glasses, very thick glasses. >> really? you certainly grew out of that. >> i did, thank god. >> how does your family react to this? i know this probably is a question you get all the time, but a lot of people think, well, you would have embarrassed some parents, maybe. >> you know i thought that would too. my father is a fireman. >> in milwaukee? >> in franklin, wisconsin. >> franklin, wisconsin. >> i thought it would be the worst for him because he drove trucks. >> did you tell him beforehand you were going to do it? >> well no, i sent him a subscription to the magazine like six months in advance. >> got to get dad prime, huh? >> yes. so he would be objective about it by the time mine came. >> right. >> say, "well, hers is nicer. or this, or whatever." it's always going to be because it's his daughter. but i sent him the magazine, and he reacted beautifully.

they had limos, which was incredible for me. i got use to it very quickly. >> yes you do. >> and he followed around on his motorcycle. he could have ridden in the car if he wanted, but no, followed around on his motorcycle and every time the car would stop, he would stand there with his camera, taking pictures. >> so he was really proud of the magazine? >> he was, and he wouldn't take the magazine to work. he thought he'd help sales by making everyone go buy their own. [ laughter ] and he's trying to help your network ratings tonight by calling everybody. >> your dad has called good promoter. >> he really is. >> how is the rest of the family? >> they are all fine. my little sister is 17 or 18, she just had a birthday, and she's a cheerleader. >> were you a cheerleader? >> that was a sore point with me. >> why? >> i tried all through high school and i was so ugly i couldn't be one. and then my senior year. >> i got turned down as a cheerleader when i was in high school. >> did you? >> yes. >> i can't imagine why. >> i went out for the cheerleading squad and i never made it. >> do you have bad legs? that's very important.

something was completely off in my timing. i don't know what it was. [ laughter ] so you felt awkward as a child? >> yes, real awkward. >> where's your boyfriend? he wanted you in the magazine. i just noticed that miss world, the girl who just won the miss world contest, turned it down after she had won it, because she said i think her boyfriend was upset or something. and she stepped aside and let the runner up. >> wasn't that strange? >> i couldn't understand why she would do that. >> all that hard work. i was in a pageant once and there's so much wonv i couldn't believe it. >> would you go through another beauty pageant or do you think it's too much work? >> they are very political and i think they are very, i think they are all fixed in a way. i know, because i won one. [ laughter ] >> your dad must have been in there somewhere. >> he was there somehow. >> how about the picture. tell me about the motion picture. how did you get into this? >> they auditioned every girl in town. >> right. >> and i think i went seven times and read for them, and i read for the lead. it's a movie about beautiful women. so of course i was so happy

>> you're what? >> in the picture i'm a scrub nurse. i assist the plastic surgeon who works on the beautiful women. >> the scrub nurse. you put on the uniform? >> big baggy uniform. i thought i was going to be picked for my looks or my figure or something. >> you're a scrub nurse. >> big baggy nurses outfit and this hat. at one point, oh i fought with the costume lady all the time. there's the mask you wear so you don't get germs on the people. so i tried to be every kind of nurse. a circulating nurse, a whatever, so i wouldn't have to wear the mask so you couldn't breathe. to look for me. i'm always in their chair and they put the mask over me. i couldn't believe it. >> you did commercials though, did you not? before somebody said. >> yes. >> television commercials? >> television commercials. >> what did you do? something we can mention? i mean, maybe it's one of our sponsors. >> well, coppertone, lincoln mercury, canada dry, but the funniest one is the dittos blue jean commercial. >> i've seen those. >> the casting agents and everyone kept saying, "how can you do this?

until i went to shoot it. it's a spot, and it just shows you from like here to here. >> right. >> and it starts out on the back of your bottom. >> yes that's what it's called. >> and you spin around, and you're unzipping, and each time you turn, there's a different color pants. >> i've seen it. >> they said, "well we would like to do rehearsals." so fine. i'm standing there and i start to unzip it, and i turn around they want you to start pulling it down a little bit so it looks like you're changing. so when you turn around it's the next pants. well, here's the camera back here the whole camera crew >> yes. so it was like one of the most embarrassing moments. >> welcome to show business. [ laughter ] the camera crew always knows where to go. >> they were. right there with the director back there. "oh that's fine. turn a little more." >> we are going to take a break. we will be right back. stay where you are.

[ music ] thank you, doc. what is next for you? first of all, i wish you much luck with your career. you said you are involved in a singing group now that you hope works out? >> yes, it's a singing group called the playmates. which involves four other girls so, it's five playmates. >> that sounds like fun. we are recording and working on an act now with a choreographer. >> well, i wish you much luck. you are a very attractive girl. >> thank you. tomorrow night. [ laughter ] thank you. have a nice evening. [ music ] [ applause ]

? come and knock on our door ? ? come and knock on our door ? ? we've been waitin' for you ? ? we've been waitin' for you ? ? where the kisses are hers and hers and his ? ? three's company, too ? ? come and dance on our floor ? ? come and dance on our floor ? ? take a step that is new ? ? take a step that is new ? ? we've a lovable space that needs your face ? ? three's company, too ? ? down at our rendezvous ? ? down at our rendezvous ?

oh, boy, chrissy. look at that. i mean, aren't you glad we shampooed the carpet? i can't stand a rug with dandruff. ( doorbell ringing ) i'll get it. hi, lar. on the paper. we just shampooed our carpet. all right. sure. hey, jack, larry's here. jack: be right with you, larry. sit down. ( imitating race track "call to post" ) it is almost post time. i hear you talking. let me see that paper. janet: so, you guys are going to the track, huh?

got the horse to bet on. it's been handicapped by all the experts. you're going to bet on a crippled horse? no, no, no. itchy finger-- it's a sure thing. i've also got the daily double. what's the daily double? well, you see, chrissy you bet on the winning horses of both the first and second race... it's a little complicated. but you can win a bundle. oh, yeah? i'd like to bet on that. jack, would you for me? sure, chrissy. here's a dollar. k that the minimum bet on the daily double is two dollars. oh, well, then i'll just bet on the daily single. here, i'll give you the other dollar. there. oh, thanks, janet. here, jack. here are the entries. take your pick. let's see. oh, look, here's one in the first race called "nanny, nanny." ah, isn't that nifty, nifty. nanny, nanny?

i don't care. when i was a little girl whenever i used to suck my thumb i'd go, "nanny, nanny, nanny." well, you just can't beat the scientific method. will you boys please let her pick her horse? got anything that hot in the second race? shh. oh, here's tillie's dream. well, all right, okay. that's the favorite. when i was a little girl i had an aunt tillie who lived in chicago in an apartment on the second floor. second floor, second race. so in the second race you want tillie's dream? no, i want broken elevator. what?! when we'd go visit my aunt tillie we always had to walk up the stairs because her elevator was always broken. hey, larry, let's get out of here before i start going, "nanny, nanny, nanny." absolutely. can you believe this girl? get off the carpet! oh, oh, oh. terribly sorry.

girls! janet, chrissy, where are you? jack, how did you do? not until chrissy gets here. chrissy? yeah, what is it? hold on to your hats. nanny, nanny came in. where? in the first race. nanny, nanny won the first race. she did? that's wonderful! oh, that's nice. that's not all. broken elevator also came in. oh, that's nice, too. chrissy, don't you understand? you hit the daily double. you are the proud owner of 1,637 "hurt-me" dollars. oh! oh! i think it finally got to her. oh, my gosh! oh, it's so beautiful! and it's so crisp! and it's so... green!

on the daily double. i'm so happy for you. so am i. but this isn't all mine. of course it is. it was your idea to make a bet. yeah, and you picked the winning horses. how, i will never know, but... yeah, but i couldn't have done it unless you gave me the other dollar. oh... janet, we are friends and we are partners and we're going to split this money 50-50. chrissy, oh! oh, wait. jack, you're also a partner. no, no. and you made the bet. we're going to split this 50-50-50. no, no. yes, it's share and share alike. we're the three musketeers. we're like a candy bar. yes, we are. some sweets and some nuts. what are we going to do with all this money? well, hey, it's going to be a lot less after the fourth musketeer takes his share.

janet: if we're smart the first thing we would do is take at least three months rent and put it away. yeah. and we'll still have a lot left over. we should go down to the bank tomorrow and open a joint savings account. what a good idea. then it will be earning interest. whenever one of us needs money, she can just... or he. ( doorbell ringing ) he or she could just go right down to the bank and take out what they need. one for all and... all for one. all for one. hey, oh, ho. hi, larry. well, little chrissy. how's it feel to be a big winner? oh, gosh, i was just lucky. that's what i keep telling myself. say, chrissy, i'm going to the track tomorrow. just for kicks... any other funny things happen to you when you were a kid? well, uh, once i fell off my brand-new sled. you did?

. no, no horse named brand... and i skinned my knee. skinned knee... skinned knee... no. did you ever get caught in a flood? no. that's too bad. swollen river pays 100-to-1. once i had swollen glands. that's close enough. go for the gusto, larry. money! money! money! i always wanted to do this. jack: janet? hmm? where did we get this? oh, that. i bought it. this chateau lafite-rothchild is $75 a bottle. why did you do that? oh, jack, i just figured why not have the very best for once. yeah, but the only people who can afford this are kings, millionaires and auto mechanics. jack, all day i was walking around with this little voice inside of me that kept saying, "spend, spend, spend."

well, i think i may do some spending my own self today. where's our bloated bankbook? it's over there by the telephone. oh, good. ooh! ooh! i'm going to get you! it's not here. it isn't? janet, jack guess what i bought? i think i know where the bankbook went. ta-da! chrissy, where did you get this thing? oh, isn't it great? i've always wanted an animal in the bedroom. why didn't you ask me? wow, it's, uh... it's big, isn't it? yeah. i bought it for all of us. oh, good. just what i've always wanted. don't you like it? chrissy? how much did you pay for it? it cost $200. what?! chrissy?!

to buy that dumb thing? well, you said that anybody could buy whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. well, yes, chrissy, but before you went out and spent $200 on a thing like that we should have talked it over. yeah, i wish you would have thought of that, janet before you spent $75 on a bottle of wine. ( gasping ) you spent $75 on a bottle of wine?! chrissy! $75 on wine is a lot better than $200 on a stupid toy! okay, okay, okay let's just forget it, all right, girls? chrissy, may i please have the bankbook? okay. wait, wait. what do you want it for? i want to buy a new jogging suit. what? jack, don't you have one that is practically brand-new? so what?

is to be spiteful. no, just to get even. you two buy whatever you want. why can't i? look, jack, i only spent $75. she's the one who spent 200. oh, well, at least what i bought is cuddly and forever not just a bottle of squashed grapes. squashed... oh! now hear this. this is my wine and nobody drinks it but me! oh, yeah? and nobody touches it but me! right. i'm going out and buy a very expensive jogging suit

- well, david, if you're not having a good time, just say so. - i'm not having a good time. - david! - i thought we were going to have a puppet show. - we were, but we can't because the ropers aren't coming over. - why not? - becayo fight with mrs. roper. - now, just a minute. i didn't start it. i was sticking up for you after your fight with mister roper. - but ann, that wasn't a fight, that was a misunderstanding. no, you and helen had the fight. - what? - ohhhhh, you should've seen your mommy, david. her eyes flashing fire as she stood up to that woman like a tigress! - jeffrey, stop telling david

love. you were speaking quite loudly as you are doing now. - now, you listen to me, jeffrey - are you two having a fight? - a fight? no, we're not having a fight. you see ann, i think it's time for david to blow out the candles and make a wish. - i wish the ropers were here. - i said a wish, not a curse. come on, ann, get the cake. - it's over at the ropers. all right, we'll just think of something else. - can i play with my trains? - sure! we'll do whatever you want to do. where where are you going? - to the ropers, that's where my trains are. - david, you can play with your trains some other time. - but daddy said - will you listen to your mother oh, i'm getting such a headache. - me too. no cake. no trains. no puppet show. - who says so? we can have our

- what's the matter? - it's over at the ropers. - boy, this is the worst birthday i ever had. - boy, this is the worst birthday i've ever had. - well, we all get older, helen. - you know what i mean. aren't you going to finish your meatloaf? - oh, is that what it is? before. - these aren't leftovers, they're remains. - i thought we were eating at the brooks tonight, that's why i didn't fix any dinner. - at least we got the cake. and it's my favorite, chocolate. - we can't eat that cake. - why not? - half of it is david's. - so, we'll eat the other half. - oh no, we won't. poor little david. his birthdays been ruined enough already. who would

i could have a fight like that? - well, don't blame yourself, helen, i mean, ann is getting as snooty as her husband. - you think so? - yeah, well it's only natural. you know, when you live with somebody, you begin to act alike, look alike - oh, please i'm depressed enough already. oh i mean, to think that david is their very own child, and wouldn't you think they would at least come over here and ask - and ask for the cake? yeah, and you give it to them, too, wouldn't you? [doorbell] - i would not after the way ann talked to me no sirree, not if she got down on her knees and begged my forgiveness. - helen - i accept your apology. - i didn't come to apologize.

stanley over for ice cream and cake. - that's like an apology. - you you're you're inviting us - look, helen, i'm only doing this for david's sake. his birthday will be ruined if he doesn't see that puppet show. - well, all right for david's sake. - i'll get the cake! for david's sake. - and the three bad rabbits: all arrested by the copsies. [laughing] isn't that funny, david? [laughing] you know, when my father told me that story, i couldn't stop laughing. [laughing] i guess it was the way he told

- old boy, now we're going to have some fun! - we've been having fun. - no, we haven't. - well, yes, we have. he just doesn't remember. - i'll heat up the coffee. - oh, oh please, don't go to any trouble. - i don't intend to. - uh, roper, you want me to take that from you? - no! - well, fine, just put it on the table, you can stand guard over it. - good idea. - coffee will be ready in a few why don't we sit down and have a nice, friendly chat. - with who? - stanley, don't you remember, [whispering] we're doing this for david. - oh yeah, yeah, yeah. david, uh what have you been doing all day? - waiting for the puppet show. - me too. come on, brooks. - well, come on, david.

orange nose. - oh boy, david, this is going to be fun. - yes, mister roper planned the whole thing. - i think you'll like it anyway, david. your father will see to that. - oh, is he dropping out of the performance? - [clearing throat] ready? - ready. - ta-daaaaaa! good evening, ladies and gentlemen. before wert tonight's show, allow me to introduce myself. my name is gilbert. [applause] - and my name is filbert. [applause] - we have a young man in the audience tonight, his name is david brooks. take a bow, david. [applause] thank you, david. ah, you know, he's a smart boy. he has a high iq. - what?

- i i made that joke up myself. - wait until you hear the one that i made up later. - oh, you think you're so smart, don't you? - you betcha! - yeah? well, if you're so smart, tell me what louis xiv was responsible for. - louis xv. - quiet david. - well, just sit there and laugh, david. - do you mind if we get on with this? - no, no, not at all. - you know, i've got a problem. - what? - my wife is missing, and i don't know what to do. - oh, well, why don't you go to the police and give them a description. - they'd never believe me. - having fun, david?

that guy behind you to cover his head. it keeps shining on my eyes. - i don't remember rehearsing that joke. - that's the one i made up, david. - would you mind telling the guy behind you that he's very lucky to have so much hair. - oh, you noticed, huh? - of course, it covers all the holes in his head. - for your information, baldness is a sign of intelligence. - then you must be a genius, baldy. - i dare you to say that to my face, you idiot. - who are you calling an idiot? - not not not the dummy in

- that does it. - oh, i knew you'd ruin everything. - jeffrey! - i'm sorry, ann, but i've lost my patience. - maybe it's with your hair. - you see. you see, he's goading me. - just because he's being childish is no reason - you don't have to say it's all stanley's fault. - well, who do you think started it? - he did! - he did! oh, my head. - he did! - he did! - you see, you're making the same mistake again. yore - i think my first mistake was coming over here in the first place. - i think you're right. [speaking over each other] - what's going on here, david? - there having a fight. - oh, well we better get on with the party ourselves then. [singing] happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday, dear david.

- about whose fault the fight is. - well, i know whose fault it is. - whose? - yours. - mine? - if it wasn't for your birthday, this whole thing never would have started. right david? right david? - i guess so. - so, i guess you just better apologize to everyone for having a birthday. - i'm sorry i a i'm so ashamed. it's we who should be sorry. - oh, ann, i don't know what to say. - i do. happy birthday, helen.

to admit it was all my fault. - and i'm big enough to agree

- i hope i'm not too late for cake and ice cream. for you, we wouldn't have anything to celebrate. - jenny i'm so proud of you. why, what you did would make the biggest fool come to his senses. - what did she do? - you see, ann, everything is going to be fine. hey, everybody, my headache has completely disappeared.

mister roper. - my pleasure, david, my pleasure.

( slurping ) ( slurping ) stop! slurping! you know i can't stand that noise. sorry. i'm finished anyway. hey! don't throw that used milk out. ( sniffing ) oh, impertinent, yet lightly frosted. . clickety-click, clickety-click. fine. i'll answer my e-mail later. you're doing that on purpose. i chipped a nail. now, i'm doing it on purpose. oh-oh, two can play at that game, sister! ( car alarm sounds ) why, you... care for a little squeaky balloon, my pretty. ( squeaking ) ( groaning )