the host is gonna say, "would you move down, at the end of the table? and we'll bring in the next diner." or something. >> uh, sure. >> a weird feeling. >> yeah. >> you interviewed jerry brown, recently, didn't ya? >> yes. >> our governor of california. >> we-- >> i-in his office, you did that. >> it was great fun. we w-- i really was absolutely fascinated. he didn't give me any alfalfa shoots. the-- >> is he-- is he, uh-- >> w-- oh, yes. he-- gave 'em to prince charles, didn't he? >> i did-- i was-- i was outta town, when prince charles was here. >> that's ri-- well, th-- our gov-- >> i thought it was great that the prince-- the heir apparent to the throne of england-- and jerry brown together. i called 'em the prince and the pauper. [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> he's setting a fine example, ya know. >> yeah. i think so, too. i'm-i'm a great fan o' his. i-- uh, i-- after that interview, even more so. >> really? >> it's fascinating. we-we-we-- that was all part of our california week. and we, you know, got out of the studio, a little bit. and it-- fascinating. really is. >> you get the feeling he may run, uh, f-for president-- >> um-- >> three, three and a half more years? >> i don't think there's any question about it. >> yeah, i-i get that feeling. >> don't you think so? >> i would guess so. i suppose, if a man is a politician, [ some applause ] no matter-- we're not-we're not taking a stand, here.

i suppose most of 'em aspire for the-the top job. >> sure. >> and the top job, as a politician, is the president of the united states. >> and, if you think about what we do to them, most of the time you wonder why anybody wants it. >> yeah, it's gotta be a horrendous job, 'cause, no matter what you do, h-half the people are not gonna like it. >> n-- exa-- look at the-- what happens to the polls. it's li-- uh, a-a-a-a ski jump. >> yeah. >> up and down over the hill. >> i hear-- somebody told me you took up scuba diving, lately. have you never done that before? >> no! i would re-- well, you know-- you know, re had the chance. in a beverly hills swimming pool, you just don't go scuba diving. and i've never been to the caribbean. i've always m-- uh, that's where i learned, though-- >> oh, that's-that's lovely. >> to scuba dive-- in my pool. so, i b-- i went scuba diving-- >> you took the official lessons and got certified, and all that? >> got certified. >> should do that. >> and went into a big tank, and-- in san diego, uh, with a whole bunch of big fish. really nice. i loved that. >> now, whaddya gonna do if you go down to the bahamas, or something, and you're down there, and a barracuda comes up? what-what would you do? >> what would i do? >> mmm-hmm. >> uh--

i-- i-- sorry [ laughter ] why, i certainly would-- >> that-that's one of first things, screaming. >> that's right. i'd just scream, and i'd say-- i mean, will you do a mugger? >> no, no, no, no, no. [ mock screaming ] no, no, no. that gets them exci-- >> whaddya do? >> you just be very quiet. >> yeah, and promise not to bleed, so he'll p-- no, it's a-- sharks that are gonna follow you-- isn't that it? >> oh, i don't know. i always liked the books. the books are so wonderful. they say, "sharks generally do not attack. they are just curious." [ chuckling ] and you always wonder if the shark has read that same book. [ laughter ] >> well-- >> but sharks will not-- only if you're bleeding will they attack. >> i'd like to know if a shark is intellectual and-and, you know-- >> they don't have too much of a brain. >> no. >> they are pretty much automatons. >> no, i think my-- >> i've seen sharks, scuba diving, and most of 'em don't really do-- [ laughter ] what? >> you've seen-- >> sharks? scuba diving. >> well, no. i was scuba diving, and then-- [ laughter ] >> you were scuba diving. >> see, that's a basic, freshman english test. "what is wrong with this sentence? 'i saw sharks scuba diving.'" [ laughter ] i was scuba diving, and i saw sharks. >> that's right. >> or i saw sharks,

>> th-- no. i-i-i would absolutely panic. i know-- >> no, they're curious. they-- unless they're hungry. >> yeah. >> who knows? >> i want-- i want-- >> what? >> who knows? >> yeah. >> that's the whole thing. >> that-- >> how do you know when they're hungry? they don't come-- there's not a bell-- says "lunch!" [ laughter ] i mean-- they eat, when they get hungry. >> gotta be a certain expression on their face you have to look out for. i just-- [ chuckling ] personally don't have any desire to look out for it. >> so, you're gonna limit it just to the tank, uh-- >> that's right. i-i went down, i-into this tank. we did all kinds of crazy things, on-- in this cali i scrimmaged with the oakland raiders. >> oh, come on, now. >> i did. >> whaddya mean, you scrimmaged with the oakland raiders? >> oh, you know-- girl-type scrimmaging. [ some laughter ] >> with otis sistrunk? people like that? >> oh, no. actually, no. it was kenny stabler. he-he, uh-- >> yeah. >> he-- >> well, that makes sense. >> he-- yeah. he threw m-- uh, threw a pass. >> that's what i hear. >> yeah. [ laughter ] according to "people magazine," this week, he does that pretty well. >> yeah. well, i-i volunteered to, uh, accept it-- uh, catch it. what is it? >> d-did you? >> yes, i did.

>> busy, bus-- his schedule and my-- you know. that sort of thing. >> hey, look, i know you can't stay, tonight. and you got other things to do. and i thank you, for comin'. we'll be right back. stay with us.

[ music ] [ laughter ] my next guest-- [ applause ] he's one of our, uh-- he's one of our favorite people. he is on the show frequently. a most talented man. is an actor, a director, a raconteur. would you welcome charles nelson reilly? [ applause ] [ music ]

>> how are you? >> i'm f-- all right. >> good. i'm thinking of you. >> thank you. [ laughter ] >> see-- seem to be in some, uh-- >> snit? >> sort of a snit. i was gonna-- yes. [ chuckling ] >> does it show? well, yes, i'm a little upset. >> what, uh-- >> well, i didn't do anything wrong, or anything. i mean, i didn't-- it's just that i'm in the middle years, now-- or a little past it-- like "the twilight zone." >> oh. >> well, it's true! i face it. and i have to-- how are you? >> i'm fine. >> good. [ somegh the fact that i'm-- >> aren't you gonna ask me how i am? >> well, you're always fine. that's what i'm getting to. >> oh, i'm sorry. >> you see what i mean? superstars are fine, always. that's my whole, uh, uh, beginning. >> i see. >> i know you have [ applause ] few things, now and then. you're still entertainer of the year. >> yeah. >> i was the first to congratulate-- the year is 12 months. i'm not forgetting the rain. >> i-i know that. >> see, many people do. >> right. [ some laughter ] >> but i just wanna say that i have been on this show, for 16 years, and i've never left early. >> oh, you mean--

every week, here. >> i see. >> and i think something-- i, uh, just-- we'll discuss it, 'cause i think it's probably psychosomatic. >> right. >> i'll tell ya why, in a minute. 'cause i'm getting to it. it's all built up, carefully. [ some laughter ] but the thing is, ya see, i have been on this show, for 16 years. >> yeah. >> i've never left early. >> well, that's true. that's true. >> and people come, all the time, like l-- i-- last time i was on, ann-margret left early. >> yes. >> and now, tonight, dinah's a lovely girl. she'll-- what-- notice something else. they never tell ya where they're going. [ some laughter ] >> no. >> no. you know why 'cause they're not really going anywhere. [ laughter ] but you always-- [ applause ] they never say. but you're condescending. you see, you-you get so in awe-- like, in awe. don't be in awe of me. i'm a simple, humble person. >> yes. [ chuckling ] >> but the thing is-- [ laughter ] the thing is... they never say where they're going. now, i was-- i asked the producer-- the staff called me, you know. they're lovely. >> yes. >> discuss that, later.

they said i could say this-- from 5:30-- >> can say whate-- >> to 7. >> certainly. >> now, will you tell me where the hell everyone goes, at 5:45? [ chuckling ] there's no place to go! you go, at 8:30, at 10:00, 11. >> right. >> you go to the dentist, at 9, the doctor, at 10. nothin' goes on, at 5:45! [ chuckling ] but they're all what you say. "sorry you have to rush away." where the hell are they going? [ laughter ] that's all i ask. [ applause ] >> she has to leave, you know. >> i'll stay-- i have to catch a-- [ chuckling ] >> where-where are you-- no, you gotta say where you're going! i know where you're going-- you're going home, to par boiled vegetables. [ laughter ] >> no, no! >> no? >> i'm going to catch a plane, so i can plug my shows in vegas. don't you know where-- >> you see? >> okay. >> that's-- now-- >> well, i just wanna say one thing. >> now-- i'd like to-- >> that all the stars are not exactly like dinah shore, you know. >> no. >> i mean, there are different stars. >> they all leave at 6:45. but i just thought you oughta have those. >> isn't that sweet? >> i'll call you, later. i love it. [ laughter ]

in florida! we have a date, in florida. no, i wanna discuss it, fully. >> do i just talk into the flowers, now, or what? >> no, it's-- okay, fine. >> now, you see, that was cla-- style. >> that was nice. >> that was style. >> well, you see, there are a few. >> a few. [ some laughter ] >> like, i understand joe namath-- >> joe namath left early. >> joe namath left-- i'm wearing a joe namath tuxedo shirt. >> oh, really? >> he's not here to see it! [ chuckling ] he gotta get at least 85 to 93 cents! [ laughter ] so, you see, he misses it. then, the other thing that bothers me-- 16 years. >> mmm. >> lola falana, charo, and i and ed-- we stay. we're always here. >> right. >> yes, that's right. >> and w-we just deserve-- we're the oppressed guests. you know what i'm saying? we never go anywhere. i've no place to go. this comes off, at 7:01. >> why did you-- [ laughter ] >> well, i wore it, 'cause i've no other place to go! it's just-- this is it, for me! >> oh, you're not going anyplace, later? >> i'm not pitching anything. what am i gonna plug? do i plug a record? am i holding a record up? you see a record? you see a book? you see a pilot film? [ laughter ] do you see a tv series? [ laughter ] there's nothing! but i come anyway. >> lemme-lemme ask you something. >> all right.

[ laughter ] >> well, there's no other place to go! [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know what i mean? i was in a play, once. i was in a play, once. i was in a play-- >> yeah. >> uh, "rosalinda." a musical. and i played prince orlofsky. >> prince orlofsky. >> which, usually, if it's done as the opera, a woman plays. >> ah. >> but, for some strange reason, i was playing it. [ laughter ] in "rosalinda," i played prince orlofsky. and the second act is a jail. is a jail scene. and they said, "prince!" it's 4 am in the morning, and i me [ humming ] it wasn't a big orchestra. it was two trumpets. >> right. >> a theater in the round-- a dinner theater. >> well, it sounds impressive. >> maybe it was just the tada. you know? so, i came in, and they said, "prince, what are you doing? in a jail?" i said, "only place still open." and that's how "it's the only place open." >> "it's the only thing open, this time o' day." >> the other thing that bothers me is, 16 years-- >> mmm-hmm? >> and the thing is i see, on the screen, "our guests are taken by morgan limousine."

[ applause ] i've never seen-- i dunno! what are you talkin' about? so, i figured-- i figured, for 16 years, i should ride around in a thing, from anywhere to four to six weeks-- >> right. >> carte blanche. >> you've never been with a morgan limousine. >> i never saw the guy! >> well-- >> then, the other thing-- i'm gonna get it all out-- >> obviously-- >> because it's the menopause of my life. >> obviously this-- >> it's ugly! [ laughter ] >> she's on the plane, already! [ laughter ] >> obvi-- >> all right, so the other thing is the hotel. you don't even know. it says-- i'll quote-- >> okay. >> 'cause i watch the show. >> i know you do. >> you've gotta know. i am faithful. >> thank you. >> my career is over, but i'm here. [ laughter ] and the thing is-- that's why you-- it's psychosomatic. it's couch-itis. you see, if we had places to go, except this couch, we would be all right! [ chuckling ] we would move better. lola falana and i-- we'll stay. we'll s-- all right. so, the other thing is-- i'll get to the point. i'll get to the-- "guest of 'the tonight show--'" >> yes. >> "stay at the sheridan

[ laughter ] sixteen years. now, i just want-- gimme a slip. gimme a slip for a free breakfast. that's all. [ laughter ] i'll go in-- just somethin' that i feel like i belong! >> now, lemme explain something. >> you understand what i mean? i can't plug anything. it's over! >> you see-- >> i know this. i'm face-- i'm grateful. >> those are guests who come from out of town, who have to stay overnight. >> yes, but i drive over the hill. >> you just wanna stay-- [ laughter ] >> which is-- >> you wanna stay in the valley, overnight? >> and the other thing is parking. can we discuss parking? >> if you would like. sure. >> all right. now, i'm a star. [ some laughter ] all right! >> yes. >> all right. then, the other thing is to get here, to get dressed up. i don't like to get that dressed up. then, uh-- [ chuckling ] i love you. then, the thing is-- [ some laughter ] i put on my hair. you understand? >> yes. >> this is not my own hair. >> i know that. >> beca-- i know that. because i say that, and i'm tryna give it like-like-- o-- you try to give faith and courage to people, through your handicap. [ laughter ] just don't open a window. >> so, this is-- >> no, just don't open a window. >> okay. >> i mean, if you go dancing, and you're under a ventilator, it's over.

guys are swimming, and they come out, and it-- they say, "you can swim, in this." can you swim in it? >> have you seen the head underwater? or, like, "you can swim, in it," and the water's somewhere here. >> ah. [ laughter ] >> you know what i mean? >> oh, not under. >> oh, no. not in this ocean, anyway. maybe in florida, on a warm day. [ chuckling ] but, anyway, you come to park, and there's no place to park. >> ah-- >> well, you know why? >> don't-- we have this-- >> 'cause you don't know the-- have you seen the dressing rooms, downstairs? >> yes, they are rather shabby. >> what a-- like... >> i mean, they're not-- >> well, i mean, you should bke this is your universe. it's brilliant, what you've done for american entertainment. but, like the mayor, visit the slums. look and see what the other people have. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i just wanna-- i wanted ta-- i wanted ta say somethin' about the hair, 'cause it is funny. >> all right. >> i-- d-don't-- it's a funny thing. 'cause my reruns are-are-- i'm bald, so, i mean, what could've happened? last night, you were wonderfully funny. i laughed, i screamed. >> thank you. >> you're wonderfully funny man, and 's wonderful. but, anyway, seriously-- you know, the two of you. but, anyway, uh, i got it on tape, now. it's on tape. >> uh-huh.

>> well, some-- >> if you can just-- you have your own clothesline, you've got a big dressing room, upstairs. you know what i mean? the valet says, "well, you wore the blue, tuesday. try the red, tonight." i mean, there's nothing-- i mean-- you know. when did you go to the cleaners, last? [ laughter ] but, anyway-- uh, see, i forget-- since the war, i forget-- >> what-- you have, uh-- >> uh-- oh, the tape! >> the tape. [ chuckling ] it's the old injury coming back. right. >> all right. so, a friend of mine says, "why don't you use the new invisible tape?" i thought, "oh. i'll get the invisible tape." so, i go to a beauty supply shop. now, when you're 46, shop for the first time, that tells ya you're in trouble. [ chuckling ] you shoulda gone, at 21, and get the ball rolling. you know what i mean? [ some laughter ] so, i go in-- [ chuckling ] they're human. they're lovely. >> of course they are. >> then, you go in-- [ chuckling ] i love that. so, you go in, and you buy this little package of invisible tape. >> right. >> now, this-- and you-- do-- you don't wanna say it's for you. 'cause, you know, there's nothing fake, here. so, you go, and you say, "my-my sister-- uh, do y-- she wanted the invisible tape. because she had a sickness, and the hair all fell." [ laughter ] so, you get the box of invisible tapes,

you take your-- i-i have to take my glasses off, to do anything. you know-- >> right. >> invisible tape-- so, you read the directions, and it says-- cutely-- little-- cute, little, red box. it says that, when you take the second white tape off, you're left with your invisible tape. [ chuckling ] and it says, laughterly-- [ chuckling ] be careful, because, you know, it is-- >> in-- >> invisible. [ laughter ] so, i go like this, and then, suddenly, i don't know where the tape is. [ laughter ]an and i start to look for the invisible tape-- that-- anything that sticks. then, you go, "that must be it." and it goes all in fine. but, i mean, i'm goin' back to the white tape. >> ah, yes. >> you know, the a-- double adhesive. >> right. >> you know, the bathroom looks like it's a red cross station in iwo jima. [ laughter ] but it's-- it gives ya a feeling of hope. >> now, would you like another introduction, or-- >> yeah, now, what would you introduce me-- make believe i'm a guest that has to leave early. now, think of it, a minute. in awe-- you're in awe. a superstar who has to go early. >> all right. just go back.

now, another thing-- note for the orches-- see how they are? they're all ready to go. i want the top-10 introduction. you know what i mean? governor brown, s-- whatever. you know what i mean? not the usual. something, you know-- >> you bet. >> that i'm identified with. >> okay. all right. well, they'll be looking, all night. [ laughter ] >> what i'm saying! >> just to-- go on-- go on off. >> now, notice, you don't' come out, right away. >> i'll introduce a guest that's never even been on the show, it's so big. making his first appearance, and a thrill, for all of us-- >> right. >> n-- an-- in-- within 16 years, >> slower! >> yes. [ laughter ] [ applause ] one of the probably five or six top box office draws, around the world-- >> two to three, in the last poll. [ laughter ] >> probably has moved up to two or three, just this evening. uh, a sex symbol. would you welcome robert redford?

[ applause ] [ laughter ] you have to leave? robert has to leave early. thank you, bob. bob's on a very tight schedule. bod he has many other things to do. but we'll be back, in just a moment. stay with us. [ applause ] [ laughter ]

[ music ] [ applause ] whoopee. okay.

can you stay? can you stay? do you have-- >> what is it, today? i'm sorry. >> really stay. you can really stay. it's thursday. >> yeah. i can stay. >> okay, good. 'cause-- [ applause ] i've not met this young lady. >> oh. >> you have met her, backstage. >> she's a lovely girl. and very talented. >> her name is, uh-- charming young actress. uh, she is costarring in a new movie called "close encounters of the third kind." would you welcome [ applause ] teri garr? teri? [ music ] where were you headed? were you goin' over to the band? >> i-i guess so. i'm not sure. >> how are ya? >> i'm okay. >> welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> you never been with us before, have you? >> well, yes, i was. i was, once, with, um-- >> you weren't on, with me. >> no. >> john denver. >> ah. i didn't think you were on, with me. >> hi. >> hi, charles. hi, ed. i'm good. how are you? i know ed, from before. [ chuckling ] >> yeah. [ laughter ]

on the show. [ chuckling ] you mean from the show, or-- >> n-- uh, i think i worked with him, on, uh, "sonny and cher." >> several times. >> mmm-hmm. >> i see. >> with howard cosell. yeah. >> have you done a lot of, uh-- you like howard cosell? well, be honest. you can be perfectly honest, in a show like this, you see. >> ah. [ chuckling ] yes, i like howard cosell. he's okay. [ some laughter ] >> now, you're saying that with reservation. i don't wanna make ya say something you don't wanna say, but-- >> yeah. [ chuckling ] i don't know. >> but you haven't done a lotta these shows, have you? >> no. >> yeah. are you-- are you comfortable, all right? i mean-- >> yes, i'm real comfortable. [ laughter ] my hands are stuck in this chair! >> you look like you're mak-- you look like you're making your first flight, on, uh-- [ chuckling ] >> i know. >> trans-debris airlines, or something. why don't you-- [ laughter ] just relax, and-- >> okay. >> pretend you're sitting in my livin groom, at home. >> yeah. sure, okay. >> and the wife is outta town. no, i-- [ laughter ]

you know that. [ laughter ] >> do i seem real nervous, to you? >> no. are you? why? >> no, i'm not real nervous. i just wanna know if i seemed like it. i'm not nervous. [ chuckling ] [ laughter ] >> well, you-- the chair is really not very comfortable, is it? i mean-- >> no. >> to be perfectly honest with you. >> it's not like-- is your livin groom like this? [ some laughter ] >> no, not-- no, not really. uh, see, the chair-- y-ya can't move, in the chair. you're kinda-- you're kinda-- sit there, and you can't really move the chair. something like that. >> hmm. >> you know? >> okay. >> relax, and just pretend we were out somewhere, sitting and just talking. >> okay. >> okay. where're you from? >> huh? oh. [ laughter ] >> where's home, originally? >> uh, here. the valley. >> right in the v-- right here in the valley. >> mmm-hmm. >> what part of-- encino? northridge? uh-- >> north hollywood. >> north hollywood. >> mmm-hmm. [ applause ] >> d'you, uh-- well, see?

>> mmm-hmm. >> went to school there? >> mmm-hmm. [ laughter ] >> and, after you left north hollywood, you went clear over to hollywood, huh? >> yes. yes, i did, and t-- i-- see, sometimes, i watch the show, and i see people like me on it, just going, "uh-huh. mmm-mmm. uh-huh." and i go, "boy, i'll never do that." and her i am doin' it! >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> interesting. >> do you-- do you watch our show, frequently? >> yes, i do. i like your show. >> good! thank you. >> but that's the problem with doing it, because i think i'm watching it. >> mmm-hmm. >> and then... [ laughter ] i find out that i'm here listening. >> that's interesting. >> and i have to answer the questions. it's not-- yes. >> in other words, it's like you're watching the show now, and you don't feel like a-a-a participant, in it? that's interesting. well, you are here. >> well-- i am? >> yeah. sure. >> you were good, charles. >> i was all right. but it-- how many years was i nervous? [ some laughter ] remember how nervous i used to be? >> he was-- now, really. this is true. >> for many years. isn't it true? because-- >> abs-- >> i love you. i'm in awe of you. >> absolutely. >> and i-i was a mess. >> he would come on-- >> it's true. wasn't i? >> yes. >> and absolutely be a basket case. >> and it takes a long time. and you're wonderful.

>> okay. >> you know what i'm saying? >> i wanna take my hair down. >> okay. >> okay, fine. >> be comfortable. >> so! now. >> did a l-- did a light just go out? >> oh, yeah. lights cha-- it's a big show, baby. they do a-a light change. >> i see. [ laughter ] [ applause ] what happened to this humble, little, scared man, all of a sudden? >> well-- >> i mean, it's-- >> i found someone or something. i dunno. >> okay, here we are. you're not-- you're not in awe of me, at all. i mean-- >> hmm. >> oh, come on. >> oh, yes! i'm a fan of yours. >> well, that's-- doesn't mean anything. i mean, it's nice. i'm not-- i'm glad you are. it's-- >> i mean, i'm really here, talking to you, huh? okay. >> yeah. anything, particularly, you'd like to talk about? did anybody give you give you any advice? [ chuckling ] people have been on the show, before. >> yes, but i don't think it was good advice. oh, my friend buck henry, who was, uh-- he's a friend-- >> oh, there ya are. >> if he's watching, he'll probably kill me. but he said just to say yes and no and "i don't know." [ laughter ]

yeah. >> that would help, yeah. >> no. you were a dancer, i understand, originally. >> mmm-hmm. >> where-where did you, uh-- [ chuckling ] >> see, i'm doing it-- >> that's all right. >> yes, i was. >> that's only-- i only asked, for yes or no. >> mmm-hmm. >> you know, what, uh-- what's one supposed to say, when i say, "you were a dancer?" that doesn't leave you, you know-- if i said, "how did you become a dancer?" you can't very well say yes or no. right? how did you become a dancer? [ some laughter ] >> yes. [ laughter ] well, i went to dancing school. >> that's a good way to do it. [ laughter ] good way. [ laughter ] >> see, if you go to scuba diving school, you d-- not likely to become a dancer. >> no. >> you have to go to the school that teaches you what you wanna become. >> oh, i went to da-- ballet school and was very obsessed with it and got into ballet companies and-and then, uh, danced in "swan lake," and all those things. >> did you really? professionally? >> yeah. i was always in the quarter ballet. and i didn't think i was ever gonna get very far with it, because of, uh-- i always laughed, sort of. >> when you were doing the-- you mean the ballet? >> yeah. i mean, 'cause all the ballets

are supposed to come out and act out the stories. and they always act it so funny that i would laugh. it wasn't good for it. >> yeah, you're not supposed to laugh, during the ballet. >> no. >> if somebody's splaying a swan, and you're laughter, that's considered not, uh-- >> when they die. >> not good show business. that's right. 'cause the swan does die and-- right at the end, and it's not supposed to be comical. um. [ some laughter ] uh, some doctors say that girls should not start ballet when they're really young, because th-their bones aren't ready to do it. it could-- it can, uh-- have you heard the-- have you heard anybody say that? [ laughter ] what? look, i haven't asked that question before, and i wanna get it out, before i go to the great kinescope, up in the sky. [ laughter ] uh, you know what i'm saying-- that your-your bones are not, uh-- [ laughter ] >> you mean, has-- >> they're too, uh, supple, you know-- that it's bad-- >> that it makes them turn out like ducks. >> uh, something like that. [ laughter ] >> that's possible. >> oh. well, that's-- [ laughter ] >> i can't do this! >> oh, yes, you can. you're doing just wonderful. what-- >> fine!

a-are we being canceled? [ laughter ] the hell is this? they're turning one light out, at a time! these lights went out. another light just went out. >> realize that dinah shore is somewhere over new mexico, now? >> that's right. [ laughter ] and you're still here. see, television is cruel. this is the way they can tell ya that it's all over. they-they-- >> no. >> don't have the guts-- to come out and say it. they just keep turning out the lights. >> is it because-- >> so, one night, you come on little candle on the desk, here, and you'll be going. [ some laughter ] m no. >> no. have you been in other movies, besides, uh, this one you're doing, "close encounters of the third kind?" >> well, yes. i was in-- >> what-what's wrong? what's-- got a problem? >> lightbulb just went on and off. >> well, we don't care. what do we care? light goes on. don't let it bother ya. >> maybe that has somethin' to do with my movie. >> ah, that's right. that has to do with extra terrestrial-- >> outer space-- >> outer space. >> and stuff. and, when the ufos come, all the lights go on and off. it's a little weird. [ chuckling ] [ audience murmuring ] no, no, no, no, no. just a movie. it's just a movie. [ making alien sound ]

>> you believe in ufos? >> um, i don't know. i don't know. i don't think so, no. there's nothing been proven, about them. >> yeah. lotta people, you know-- credible people have said they've seen them and reported sightings. some of them they can't explain. which doesn't mean, of course, that they're from another planet, either. just 'cause you can't explain something. >> no. >> that's right. that's right. [ laughter ] or yes! [ laughter ] >> tell about the first and second stages, and then the third stage >> oh, thank you. we have a light, here. >> in case we need it. [ some laughter ] >> like-like this. good evening. [ laughter ] does our guest look nice? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> thank you. >> yeah. >> that makes me feel better. >> we want you to have-- well-lit, and everything, and so-- it's-- can tell a low-budget show, when the host says-- [ laughter ] do you want us to do a commercial? >> i think so. >> we're gonna do a commercial. we're co-- well, you're doin' just fine, really. >> mmm-hmm. >> you really are. >> okay. >> we'll do this. we'll come right back.

[ music ] [ applause ] did i mention your movie, now, "close encounters of the third kind." has it opened, yet? >> it opens, uh, the 17th-- >> yeah. >> of november. and it's a fantastic, beautiful movie, and everyone should see it. >> i've heard real good things about it. and i hope it's a big smash, for ya. i do, too. >> all right. you-- are you a gardener, at all? do you have little plants, around your apartment, and things like that? >> yes? >> okay, good, because we have thalassa cruso with us, tonight, and she is one of this country's foremost gardening experts. she's a columnist for "the boston sunday globe." and she also shares her plant and gardening knowledge with television viewers in the boston area. would you welcome thalassa cruso?

it's nice to see you. >> oh, it's nice to see you in bright lights, johnny. >> yes, we were almost, uh-- i thought we were gonna have a blackout. how are our plants doing, back here? we have a couple-- are those ficus? >> yeah. >> those are ficus. see, i am learning. >> you're doing very well. >> and are they-- do they look healthy? >> uh, yes. but then, i haven't got my glasses on. >> yeah, well, you see, they sit, uh, with air conditioning, in here, all the time. and then, the heat comes on, and then more air conditioning. >> that must be very difficult. >> yeah. >> uh, plants don't mind cold. they-they don't catch cold in the head, if-if you have, uh, sort of even air conditioning. it's when you put 'em under the air conditioning vent, >> really? >> then, they sound like me. i mean, they look as i do. >> i didn't know-- i did not realize plants caught cold, as such. >> uh, in a matter of speaking, yes. >> yeah. >> if their roots get cold, then they shrivel and die. they can't bear it. haven't you had a begonia die on you? got cold roots. [ laughter ] that startled you? >> no-- i've never had a begonia die on me. uh-- >> well, don't grow begonias. that's why. >> are they very tender? i mean, do they le-- lotta care? >> well, some do, yes. >> i try to learn something more, every time

>> i try very hard to teach you. >> yes, i know you do, and, uh, [ laughter ] you have to go slow, with me, because i'm, uh-- i'm not what-- is there such a thing as a green thumb? people that are more adaptable and have a natural-- talent, with plants? >> well, there are people who learn more easily than others. >> ah. [ laughter ] i think i-- i think i get what you're saying. [ some laughter ] but you know-- you've heard that phrase. some people have a natural ability. >> yeah, some people do. some people-- >> and i think that's true. >> some people are better, with plants, than others. i think they grow up, with plants. uh, sort of not tarzan. >> rig >> now, i put a greenhouse in, at our house. >> you did? >> my wife wanted a greenhouse. >> ugh! that's worse than having-- plan babysitters. have you ever tried to get a greenhouse sitter? >> whaddya mean? you have to-- >> when you go away. >> w-well, whaddya mean? >> you never go away? >> well, yes, frequently. why? >> then, what happens to the greenhouse? 'cause that's very difficult. you get-- you can't get-- no two people manage their plants the same way. >> i never thought of that. now, wait, a moment. can't we leave, and w-- doesn't the greenhouse stay there, and the plants just do what they do? >> greenhouse probably stays there, unless your crime problem is worse than ours,

>> but the, uh, plants will not just stay there. >> i never thought o' that. >> they'll sort of just-- >> in other words, somebody has to care for them, and water them, every day, and-- >> yes. yes, and somebody has to open the vents-- unless you've got mechanical ones-- >> i don't have-- >> in which case, they'll break down, when you're away, 'cause that's an extension of murphy's law. in gardening, absolutely everything always goes wrong, every single time. particularly the automatic vents that open a greenhouse. >> yes. 'specially when you're away, i suppose. >> always when you're away. >> is this a good ti-- or bad time o' year, for houseplants? especially, i suppose, in the east, where it gets co for houseplants, because, by now, except in california, the weather's such that you can't do much, outdoors. >> right. >> and so, that you've brought your houseplants in, if you had 'em outside-- or you're rushing away and buying some. or you're looking at your houseplants and s-- when you put 'em on your windowsill, and you say to yourself, "how could i have thought that was a handsome plant? i'm gonna have to do something about it." >> yeah. >> mean, this is the moment. >> they require more care, indoors, obviously, than they do outside. >> yes. they do require a great deal of care, indoors. uh, they can require some care

living conditions. >> right. >> not too much heat, not all that open window at night-- >> right. >> in very cold climate. >> there was a-- is the plant pocket craze still going? it-- resurgence, a few years ago, i suppose because the environmentalists, and people wanna see green things, and growing, and-- >> i don't think it's the environmentalists. >> yeah? >> i think it was just people who wanted plants. >> something growing around them. >> uh, it may have crested, a little. but i don't think so. no, people want plants. they want them, tremendously. i bet you have plants, don't you? >> yes, i do. >> do you have plants in front-- of every window? >> no, i just have them sitting there. [ some laughter ] i mean, they're not hanging. they're sitting. but they're-- >> everything you say will be used against you. >> i'm sure of it. [ some laugher ] >> what's a good plant, for a beginner? what-- t-to-to start with? indoors. >> a nice, tough plant? >> yeah. something that you can abuse. >> oh-- >> well, i mean, that doesn't have to-- >> you can-- there was a philodendron, but i bet you're beyond that point. what do you have, as a plant? do you know what it is? >> uh, no. [ laughter ] i have a philodendron, yes.

>> can i-- may i-- may i ask you a question? >> certainly. >> i have a lotta plants-- >> mmm-hmm. >> and they're-they're, like, in limbo. they're all healthy. they're-- >> why? because they leave early? >> huh? >> do they all want to leave early? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> no. no, but they're-they're-the-- like, in 1970 and 1977-- seriously-- they're the same. they don't grow, very much. and, if i go to the east, to my friends' apartments, the r-- the green seems much richer than mine. >> well, do you ever give them any food? [ some laughter ] >> plant-- do you feed your plants? >> yeah, i do a fish, uh-- that fish dab-- that fish and mulching. >> thing you-- yeah, after which you have to put clothes peg on your nose. >> i know. but, i mean-- >> yeah, but there are other fertilizers. there are new kinds. i-i don't think you've sort of kept up with the times. here's a kind you mix into the soil, that lasts for six months. >> we made that, last time you were on the show. >> last time, on the show. >> i do all this, myself. i got 43 plants. just that they're in limbo is good enough for me, you know what i mean? i can't go around-- >> you're a bit of a complainer, aren't you?

we're gonna come back, and then you're gonna-- were you gonna show us-- show us something, tonight. >> i'm going! i'm going! >> okay. stay here. no, you're gonna stay-- [ chuckling ] and watch this. we'll be right back.

[ music ] [ applause ] >> now, even i know-- and your-y-- you're helping me. these are ferns. and this one is not in very good shape, right? >> that is a fern. >> is that too much fern, for the pot? >> little fern, for the pot-- a fern in a cute misery. indeed of a--n-need of intensive care. >> uh-huh. >> uh, i would call this your average neglected fern. >> i see. okay. >> now-- >> what is this, uh, thing here? >> well, that's a-a philodendron. >> ah. >> i think it's the kind called robert. they, i think, will be red. >> mmm-hmm. >> but what i thought we might

>> certainly. >> would be, if, by any chance, you were a plant as large as that-- >> mmm-hmm. >> it's not awfully easy to handle, in the house. >> right. >> i mean, you got a pretty big house, for that. and the thing is that you have, occasionally, to divide your plants. >> divide your plants. >> yes. sometimes, you can, uh, get a new plant, by making a-a cut. you remember we made-- >> yes. >> the last time. >> mmm-hmm. >> and, sometimes, you can get a new plant, by growing seed, and, sometimes, you can divide it. now, you can't divide a plant that has only one stalk, like that. >> without killing it. right? divide an apple tree. >> okay. [ some laughter ] >> but you can divide a plant-- slight sort of junglee. >> this is too big, isn't it? i mean-- >> it is much too big. this is perfectly gigantic. you can divide an enormous plant, like that. >> so, tonight, we're going to divide a fern. >> tonight, we're going to divide a boston fern. [ some laughter ] >> you folks call your neighbors. we're gonna divide a fern, here. [ some laughter ] >> now, you're supposed to have some equipment, before you divide plants.

yourself that it's gonna do the plant good, in the end, to wreck it, for the moment. >> mmm-hmm. >> so, will you please start cutting it down, for me, while i get things ready? >> what, with these little things? >> no! we shall be here all night. you're givin' me 30 minutes. [ some laughter ] cut it down. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> whaddya mean? just-- >> g-get going. not on me. >> just like this? >> yeah! take it down to a hairbrush. >> uh, won't that kill it? i'll cut it down. i'll cut it down. i'll cut it down. [ laughter ] [ humming ] [ some applause ] [ imitating foreign language ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> it helps, if you do it that-a-way. >> ah! oh, i see. oh. oh, uh, choppy planty. [ laughter ]

right? that's what you said you-- that's what you said you wanted. >> okay. okay. okay. mr. carson has now done what we wanted. >> there you are. >> and, while he was doing it, i was getting-- [ laughter ] >> i'm just-- >> i was getting a pot ready. [ some applause ] i bought-- what i am doing is washing this pot. because this is what you're going to have to put it into. >> we have three minutes, now. okay. >> oh, blimey. is that all? would you mind getting that out, for me? >> certainly. how do i-- just pl no, turn it upside-down. >> what? >> turn it upside-down. >> turn it upside-down. >> well, sorta like that, yeah. now, if you'd cut me a section of that plant, i will have the pot ready for you, i trust, by the time you've cut through it. >> in other words, i can just, uh-- >> carve me out a piece of cake. >> alrighty. >> that's it. good. go on. [ some laughter ] go on. let the-- let the nice people

of this fern. >> well, you know, he's done-- [ applause ] >> well, you said like a piece of cake. that's what-- >> you've done absolutely the right thing. >> thank you, very much. >> now, just a minute. [ some laughter ] don't rush me. >> would you like me to cut you another one? [ laughter ] >> not at this moment. i am getting the-- want you to get this ready, for me. >> right. you want me to pour this in there. >> i want to not-- put-- let's see how well you've done, in your greenhouse training. >> well, first, we have to put something in the bottom, for draining. >> that's what you're putting in. wonderful. >> 'bout an inch and a half? >> not-- yes. it's quite enough, actually. >> okay, and now, let's have some soil, in there. [ laughter ] all right, put some soil in there. >> soil. >> soil. >> this is the stuff we made, last time, right? this kind of a-- >> yeah, stuff you're getting it-- coming on. >> okay, that's about half-- >> okay. >> half full. >> now, put your section in. >> take my fern. >> take your bit of fern. >> put it right in, like that. >> now, that won't do. you see why? >> because i have too much in there. >> yup. >> so, i take a little of that out. shoulder, for good luck.

>> take some more o' this, see how-- see how good i'm getting? >> you're really doing very well. >> see how good i'm getting? i'm a little messy, but, if you do this outside, in a greenhouse, it doesn't make any difference if you're messy. [ sighing ] w-- >> one minute. >> now, wait, a minute. >> why? what's wrong? >> what you're doing is still-- i was waiting for you to see this, for yourself, johnny-- >> all right. >> but-- you see, it still too high. >> ah. >> you still have a wrong pot. you've gotta have-- oh, blimey-- [ laughter ] a smaller pot than tha >> well, why don't we just take this one out and take this, and put this in here? >> because, then, you have all the pebbles at the wrong end. >> ah. [ laughter ] well. then, let's put it upside-down. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> cut me another piece. >> another piece. [ music ] here's one, for the groom! [ laughter ] [ applause ] we'll be right back.

[ music ] [ applause ] keep an eye on that fern, and see how it does, now. >> thank you. >> thank you, thalassa. it's always so much fun having you on the show. and we learned something, too. i hope you come back with us, again. >> i'd love to. thank you. >> teri, thank you, for being with us, tonight. [ music ] much-much luck, with "close encounters." >> thank you. >> charles, you got all your hostility out, tonight, and, uh-- [ chuckling ] thank you. good night. [ applause ]

hitchcock: no, that's not it. i am trying toat article. the only difficulty is, i can't remember what i lost. no, this isn't it. i don't know why i keep it. i don't think it's any good anymore, it's been used. this is for the man who has everything. it's to enable you to take some of it away from

looking here why don't you look

[music] - hello. - hi. - what are you thinking about? - i wasn't thinking about anything, really i was just wondering how you could be be

- no, to everyone. - you are just prejudiced. no one else ever thought i was as beautiful as you do. - what were they using for eyes? - oh, why do we have to wait two more days? why can't we be married tonight? - oh, darling, that's not too long to wait. - oh, it's forever. - it'll be in two more days and then then forever and forever. you know you, i close my eyes and i and i can't remember what you look like. i wonder why that is. - i don't know. - i think it's because i'm afraid that afraid i'm going to lose you. i couldn't live if i did. - oh, darling, you'll never lose me. - why shouldn't i? what did i

probably i'm a punishment, not a reward. - you're some punishment. - we shouldn't be parked here. - why not? - we stopped to get something to eat, remember? - oh that's not very romantic. - i can't help it, i'm the healthy type. - all right, outdoor girl let's go get a hamburger. - well, aren't you going to move the car? - well, there's a parking space over there by the hamburger stand. - the car's all right here. of course, if you are too lazy just to walk across the street - all right. you see how easy i am to get along with? - come on. let's go. - oh, darn it, i left my bag in the car. - oh, it's safe there.

- now who's being lazy? all right, you go ahead and order. i want a double hamburger, rare, in a hurry. - no soul, you're completely dominated by stomach. - [laughs] [tires screech] [screams] - laura! laura? [sobbing] laura no. - mister edwards. lieutenant shea. i hate to have to keep questioning you at a time like this, but you understand it's necessary. - i i can't tell you anything. - if you can't, no one can, you were the only one there.

your help. you do want us to find him, don't you? - what do you think? - well, if you could just try to remember everything you saw. - i didn't see anything! - you said before, you saw the license plate. - well, i'm not sure anymore. do you think i was worried about remembering some license plate when laura was lying there it is on you. just one or two more questions and i'll call it a night. you say you don't remember the color of the car? the make? look at me, son.

license plate. - no nothing. - okay, we'll call it a night. if anything should occur to you, get in touch with me at headquarters. would you like one of my men to drive you home? - no, i'm all right. - sure. - good night. - good night. [phone ringing] - hello? yes, this is miss edwards. i'm sorry, i told you before, my son doesn't wish to speak to anyone. if you'll give me your number and i'll have him call

that man just called again. - did he say what he wanted? - no. anybody. - i know. i've left you alone for a whole week. it isn't getting any better. - how can it get any better? - that's right. and you got to learn to live with it, dear. the world doesn't stop because someone dies, dana. - my world stopped. - no, dear. and lying here, day after day, brooding about whoever was driving - he's a murderer. he's a

that? can't you imagine, wherever he is, what he must be feeling? - it's not enough. - dana, i don't know how to say this to you, exactly. but, you are not special, dear. you're no different from anyone else. unhappiness and tragedy come to all of us sometime. came to me when your father died. - i know. i know. - why did this have to happen to us? [ringing] - i'll be back.

when no one answered i just came in. - who are you? - my name is john hurley. - you're you're the man who's been telephoning. - that's correct. i must talk to your son about the accident. - the accident? do you know anything about it? who was driving the car? - i've got to talk to your son. - could you tell me? he doesn't want to see anyone. - i'm sorry your son. - the accident? accident? - all i know is what i read in the newspapers. - i lost my son in the same way, mister edwards. i know what you must be feeling. - i appreciate your sympathies, but what do you want here? - if i could have a few minutes

- i'll make some coffee. - won't you sit down. well, what is it? - you're young. that's in our favor. - now look, i don't mean to be rude, or impatient - but you'd appreciate my getting to the point. very well, i will. now, we have something in common, we are both looking for a murderer. well, not the same one, of course, but that's not important. - i don't know what you're talking about. - i'm talking about the person who killed your fianc?. i can help you find him. - are you a detective? - no. no i'm not anything, really. i used to teach a long time ago.

the accident, mister edwards? - nothing. - well, that's not possible. you saw it, and everything we see is recorded in the mind, whether we are conscious that it's there, or not. - what good does that do if i can't remember it? - oh, but you can remember it. you saw the license plate, didn't you? - i'm not sure. - it said in the paper you saw it, but couldn't remember it. - i'm not sure. all week trying to remember and i i can't. - let me help you. - how? - have you ever heard of total recall? - well, yes. - well, i can teach you how it works. i can make you remember anything that ever happened to you. if you'll work with me, will be able to do it. - do what? - bring back the past, day by

unimportant days, but eventually we'll get to the day of the accident. you'll relive it, moment by moment, right up to the second you saw the license plate and then you'll remember it. and when you do, we'll catch a murderer. - why should my remembering it be so important to you? - does it matter what my reasons are? if i can do this for you, what difference does it ke just because your son was killed in the same way. - what if it isn't? what if i have other motives? you want to find the man who killed your fianc?. i can make that

- you heard your mother's voice calling. - what does that got to do with the accident? - i told you before, we've got to go back before we can go back. when are we going to get to the day of the accident? - soon, dana, soon. - why do you keep avoiding the day of the accident? - you aren't ready. - you sure it's that? or is it just something you've worked out not to help me remember, but to make it impossible for me to. - do you believe that? - i don't know what i believe. i don't know any more about you now then the day you walked in

- no, i i guess not. - then go lie down and we'll go on. - all right, where do we start? - well, let's take a the day before the accident. - no, i won't do it. i won't go back to that day. - why? what's the matter? - i'd have to live it all over again. - yes, but then it won't be long before we get to the day of the accident. - oh, that's that's why i stopped. i just realized that if i want to know that number,

die again. - of course. - hello, dana. - hello, mister hurley. - well, ready to go on? - no, it's no use, mister hurley. i i'm convinced that i didn't even see the license number. - you mean you've convinced yourself. - possibly. - not possibly, that's what saw it. you know you'll remember it if we keep on. - i'm not gonna do it. will you please get out of here and leave me alone? - i haven't wasted all these days to bring you this far and then drop it. - i tell you, i don't want to go on with it anymore. - well, that's because there's something blocking your memory. something that hurts you to remember, some guilt. - guilt? - yes, and you've got to face up to it, then it won't be a block any longer. - if that's all it is, i i don't need you. i don't need to

remember it eventually without you. - but, i want to be here when you do. - but, why? - because i deserve to be! you couldn't have done it without me. dana, listen. listen, dana, we must go on. you want to find the person who killed laura, don't you? - don't listen to him, dana, there's something wrong with him. - i don't want to, mother, but he's right. i have to find him. - then you'll go on? - good. now, i think we are ready to try to remember the day of the

- all right, dana. we'll go back slowly. now, relax. try to relax. now start with sonic recall, if you can. it's easier. [humming] don't remember the name of it, though. - it doesn't matter. just go back and listen to it. listen to the music. - th then i i kissed her, and i i just sat there for a while looking at her. she said, hello. and i said, hi. - hello.

- i wasn't thinking about anything, really i was just wondering how you could be be real, and still be so beautiful. - only to you, darling. - no, to everyone. - you are just prejudiced. no one else ever thought i was as beautiful as you do. - what were they using for eyes? married tonight? - oh, darling, that's not too long to wait. - oh, it's forever. - it'll be in two more days and then then forever and forever. - go on, dana. go on. - i i i can't remember. - try, dana, try.

but sometimes when i close my eyes, i can't remember what you look like. why is that? - i don't know. - i think it's because i'm afraid that afraid i'm going to lose you. i couldn't live if i did. - oh, darling, you'll never lose me. - why shouldn't i? what did i ever do to get you as a probably i'm a punishment, not a reward. - you're some punishment. [knocking] - yes? - dana, mister shea is here. he said you sent for him. - i sent for him. ask him to wait, please, mrs. edwards. - i got a message, mister

the license plate. - what is this all about? - i left you that message, inspector. - you know, one day hurley, you are going to turn up once too often. - please, mister shea, give us a few minutes. - mister shea ju just a few more minutes, please. - all right, i'll give you 5 minutes. see you downstairs, hurley. - you're almost there, dana. go on. going to move the car? move it? where? - well, there's a parking space over there by the hamburger stand. - the cars all right here. of course, if you are too lazy just to walk across the street - all right. you see how easy i am to get along with?

- oh, darn it, i left my bag in the car. - oh, it's safe there. - oh, i know, but i need my compact. - oh, i like you better shiny. - now who's being lazy? all right, you go ahead and order. i want a double hamburger, rare, in a hurry. - no soul, you're completely dominated by stomach. - [laughs] [tires screech] [screams] - mister shea! there's your murderer, mister shea. - there's the license number,

remembered. mister hurley was right about my mental block. i i was feeling guilty because i didn't go back to the car to get laura's compact. i was blaming myself for her death. i didn't want to remember, but mister hurley was right. he he made me remember. - will someone please tell me what he's got to do with it? - he was determined to help me find laura's killer because well, because of his son. - his son? - well, yes the one who was killed by the hit and run driver. - i don't know what you're talking about. he hasn't got any son, he isn't even married. he's a nut, that's all. he keep all the time. he's just a nut! [music] hitchcock: i still can't remember what i'm looking for. if i had only partial recall, it would help.

of the trunk. i remember now, it's a note i wrote myself. remember to clean out trunk. i must remember to do that sometime. and, incidentally, here's something for you to remember while i am away for

our story tonight taught us that once you have seen something, you never really forget it. there are times when that can be an ll shall be back next week with another story, and unless your license number happens to be k- t-y-4-7-8, i shall see you then. good night.

[theme music] hitchcock: good evening! and thank you for allowing me to come into your parlor. it all happened so suddenly. i was someone saying, knit one, pearl one. and i came over to see what she was doing. the really frightening part is that i forgot my hunting license. oh well, the show must go on even though i may not. tonight's entertainment is entitled "the legacy." through it, you will journey to palm beach and rub

members of the international set. but before we join these useless playboys of a decaying society, let us heed the advice of a man who is earnest, productive and steadfast. a pillar of our civilization. and the sugar daddy of television.

[music] - palm beach. where the sun spends the winter and people spend fortunes to be in it. and in the society columns. while walking out to the terrace of my hotel, i was wondering which

into first. cecilia smithson or col. blair. i wasn't far from wrong. i bumped into both of them the same time. - oh, for heaven's sake, randy burnside! welcome to palm beach! - my dear cecilia, you're looking simply ravishing. - [giggles] i had my face lifted. it's so painful when i smile, but you know skin stretches like rubber. do you know col. blair? - yes, of course, how are you col.? - burnside, glad to welcome you aboard. do you have your boat with you col.? - no, no. m a deck of card. - [laughs] sit down, randall. oh, i'm sorry. this is mr. randall burnside, the famous english author. irene cole. - how do you do? - how do you do, mr. burnside? - i warn you, irene, he is a very dangerous person. he pretends he comes to florida for the sunshine, but actually he is gathering material for his next book. - well i'm sure i'm safe. mr. burnside only writes sophisticated stories about fascinating people. - well i'm certain you're all safe this season because i've already chosen the subject for

fascinating playboy, lover, sportsman. - and does he look like a film star? is he worth a million? does he have a title? - is he going to drive in the sebring sports car races and is he due to arrive tonight? - i have been following him from bombay to biarritz and let me tell you, he is even more fabulous than his reputation. - who is this wonderful person? - now irene, really, nobody can be this ignorant. who else could it be but prince burhan? - burhan? he's that prince from india, isn't he? the one who was to post in the rides two years ago. - yes, that's right. - madame, may i prepare your salad dressing? - no, thank you. irene, dear, would you? - i'd love to. - thank you. - please, don't get up. - irene makes the most delicious dressing. - she your new secretary? - oh randy, don't be silly! she is mrs. howard cole. - you mean the texas oil howard

is it my turn? [laughing] - 644661. i tell you, you're the best mixed doubles partner i've ever had. - well, well, look at beauty and the beast. - obviously, i'm the former. - randy, this is howard cole, irene's husband and ms. donna dew, one of the bright young stars of hollywood. randall burnside, the english author. - how do you do, mr. burnside? - oh mr. burnside, i'd give my right arm if you'd write me a script. - a film about a girl with one arm? sounds like a box office natural. [laughing] - donna, you're on vacation. - how did you make out dear? - with donna on my side, how could we lose? this girl can do anything for my money. - i think you ought to shower and change. - no time for that now. we're going fishing. hey, you ready? - i don't know. the sun's getting awfully strong and i promised my studio i wouldn't get a suntan. oh, mr. burnside i ... - mmm... irene, it's poetry, sheer poetry.

i have a wonderful new cream that'll protect your skin. - well, alright. - and i'll bring your vitamin pills too, dear. - good, but take these along with you dear. - alright. - we'll be at the landing. - alright. - see you later. - i tell you if your fishing's as good as your tennis game, you could be... - have you ever seen anything more disgusting? - you mean the way the husband carries on? - no, the way irene tolerates it. such angelic patience. gives me indigestion. - i must say it's a bit nauseating, but what else could the poor woman do? after all, she knows she's a mousy little married all that money and she'll hang onto it. - marry all that money? really, randy, what's happened to your infallible nose? why, irene is 10 times richer than howard. she's even richer than me. she is ruggles bottle cap empire. everytime anyone in america opens a bottle, irene makes money. - why does she put up with all this? - because, dreary as it sounds, she's in love with him. - isn't this too beautiful

population of palm beach has put on the warpaint tonight. they're all waiting for prince burhan to appear and i can hardly wait to see which one will be the lucky reeler. - oh, i hope it isn't ms. dew. howard is having such a pleasant time with her. - darling, really, the way you talk i'd swear you were his mother, not his wife. - i just can't convince cecelia that howard and i are very happy together. most married men develop hobbies, some play golf, others collect stamps. howard collects beautiful women. - how original of him. - i admit that during the first years of our marriage, i used to get upset. and then i realized his flirtations were harmless. i got over it. - i give up. - i think mrs. cole has unusual wisdom for her age. - thank you, mr. burnside. - hi! - you should be dancing, much better for your arthritis. - wow! prince burhan. i'm so glad to see you. remember we danced in acapulco? - ...in acapulco. excuse me, i

you. i had a slight suspicion i would find you here. - the world is getting smaller every day, your highness. will you honor us with your company? - well i'd hoped you'd ask me. - prince burhan, cecilia smithson. - how do you do? - col. blair. - how do you do? - our little import from hollywood, ms. donna dew. - hello. - mr. howard cole. - it's a pleasure. - and mrs. cole... a chair for his highness. - the chef has prepaa special dinner for your highness. - oh, well thank him for me, but i have had dinner on my plane. we'll have some champagne, the same as my friends are having. - yes sir. - i hope you win the races at sebring, your highness. - thank you. - did you ship your car ahead? - no, it is due to arrive on my boat tomorrow. i flew here. straight from ... - all by yourself?

my copilot, my staff and two english mechanics. - oh. - may i have this dance, mrs. cole? - you want to dance with me? - if you will do me the honor. - but i haven't danced for years. i'm a very poor dancer, your highness. - this is just a rumba, madame. not a contest. if you don't mind mr. cole.. - of course not. donna, have a little exercise. - his highness is in a gou mood tonight. - generous? you mean lavish, my pet. [laughing] - do you like sailng? - not really. i'm a nuisance on the boat. - do you play golf? - no. - tennis? - no. - do you ride the horses? - i'm afraid my activities are very limited and ordinary. i look after my husband and our

knit. i read. - but you do eat and walk and talk? - well, yes. - very well, we lunch tomorrow. after lunch, we'll have a walk and while we walk, we'll talk. - alright. but if you find something more exciting to do, i'll understand. - well, there goes the daily bouquet. - five dozen red roses every morning. irene's suite must look like a funeral parlor. the prince is carrying this joke too far. - it stopped being a joke days ago. - oh? oh really? what's the... what's the latest explanation? - we're back at the mother complex. - oh ridiculous. no man dances every dance with his mother night after night. - well it certainly is the most bewildering romance. a young, rich, handsome prince captivated by a not so young, and extremely ordinary

- perhaps he's attracted to her. - oh, poppycock. irene's a dear, but she couldn't attract a mosquito. they've achieved one thing anyway. they've made howard cole ridiculous. - hi, everybody. - oh hello. - uh-oh. have i interrupted something? - not all. we were just talking about your wife. - ooh, you mean the attention she's getting from the fabulous prince. - aren't you worried? - worried? about what? behind your back. - [laughs] of course not. irene and i are used to that. we also understand and trust each other completely. excuse me. donna is waiting at the tennis court. - there they are. make a fist

- must you always bring him into the conversation? - he's my husband. - believe me, if i didn't know it, i would never guess it. obviously he's the only one in palm beach who's not aware of our relationship. - that's because he's the only one who understands it. - oh, i see. and what may i ask is his interpretation? - howard feels that you're fed up with your usual affairs, that you're looking for quiet, undemanding company. - how dare he insult you. - but it isn't an insult. it's the only logical explanation. i must say i was very grateful and relieved to hear it. your unexpected attention rather unsettled me as i'm sure you noticed. - why should it unsettle you to know that a man is attracted to

are too many mirrors around this place. - i have no idea what you see when you look into a mirror. i can only tell you what i see when i look at you. you are attractive to me from the very first moment. since then, i have had a chance to know you. and now every time i look at you, i see the most wonderful woman i have ever met. - please, burhan, have a heart. - i do, a heart full of love and desire. i love you, irene. - oh burhan, stop it. - love me and i will make you the happiest woman in the world. just think about it. - from where i was sitting it looked like a lovers quarrel. - mr. burnside, you must help me. you're a writer and you know burhan.

understand him. it doesn't make sense. i'm embarrassed to tell you but, he says that he's in love with me. - why should that embarrass you? - i'd hoped you'd be honest with me mr. burnside. look at me. i'm ordinary looking. i'm over 30. i'm not amusing. i'm just not the type a prince would fall in love with. - let me ask you this. do you get any pleasure out of being with him? - that's the disturbing part. i do. you see, my husband doesn't have much time to spend with me. - well then, if i were you i should simply enjoy the prince's company. and let the devil take the hindmost. - thank you, mr. burnside.