would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though!

ing you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. we can call aunt rose as much as we want now. switching is easy. get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee with no contract to sign. plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. really? honest...no.

stop worrying. [ gavel banging ] unh-unh. start. ladies and gentlemen of the jury, i intend to prove that the defendant, whoever he is, has used the honored name of benjamin franklin as part of an advertising campaign,

now, unfortunately, there's no law against tasteless advertising. but in the process of his activities, the defendant made a mistake. he stole a valuable public monument -- a rare old fire engine that was on display in front of fire station number three. now, such a crime is more serious than ordinary theft, because the man who steals public property steals not only from one man, but from everyone. oh, an excellent point, an excellent point. it's your turn, mr. franklin. franklin: ladies and gentlemen of the jury, human reason is a very uncertain thing. consequently, i think that a good, sure instinct is worth a great deal more. now, the district attorney, i fear,

that i stole a fire engine. now, what motive could a man have for stealing a fire engine? and, second, the district attorney must prove that i am not benjamin franklin, but, in fact, an impostor. if he succeeds, i shall have to conclude that not only have i been mistaken as to my identity all these many years, but that my honored father and mother were somewhat confused at my birth. you are the head librarian of the public library? that's right. and is that the man who walked into your library a few days ago? yes, that's him, benjamin franklin. just yes or no will do. what happened when he approached you? well, of course, there was quite a disturbance. i mean, everyone started whispering. and you can't have that sort of thing in a library. i mean, there are signs all over!

uh, what else did he do? he wanted to pay a library fine on a book that was 200 years overdue. he wanted to pay a library fine on a book that was overdue for 200 years. not exactly. you see, he didn't actually have the book. but he said that he had neglected to return it, and it had been on his conscience for 200 years. your witness, sir. no questions, your honor. you've made my point. [ crowd murmuring ] i call darrin stephens to the stand. if only he were ready to rest his. and have you ever discussed the idea of using benjamin franklin as part of an advertising approach to the franklin electronics account? i never brought it up.

uh, yes. who? my boss. mr. stephens, i just have one more question. who is that man sitting at that table? remember, you're under oath. to the best of my knowledge, benjamin franklin. does he really believe that? you know something even crazier? i'm beginning to believe it. and when mrs. stephens introduced me, she said they were going to a costume party. but i knew that wasn't true. you see, she's a -- you, uh, didn't believe her? oh, of course not. i knew how he had gotten there. they cast -- did mr. tate, mr. stephens' boss, join you then? but i wanted to tell you -- what did he say? he said, um, "good night, uh, ben."

thank you, mrs. kravitz. that'll be all. but don't i get to tell you what i know about her? only if someone asks you. your witness, mr. franklin. mr. franklin, you can't cross-examine her. but i must. her testimony's very damaging. it'll be a lot more damaging if she gets a chance to go on. no questions, your honor. that'll be all, madam. you may step down. the prosecution rests, your honor. this court will recess for 15 minutes. time to start worrying again, right? right. it was going fine until i got on the stand. i'm afraid, with mr. stephens' testimony and that of the kravitz woman, the district attorney has established a plausible motive for someone taking a vintage fire engine. "vintage fire engine." vintage! i'll be right back.

[ ding! ] [ ding! ] [ ding! ] would you tell the jury, mrs. stephens, where you got the plaque you hold in your hand? from the fire engine at station number three. would you read the inscription, please? "benjamin franklin memorial fire engine." your honor, i'd like to enter this plaque as exhibit "a." your honor, may i ask a question? if it's relevant. how can the district attorney accuse mr. franklin of stealing his own property? he hasn't proved he is benjamin franklin. and you, sir, have not proved that i am not. [ gavel banging ] i will admonish this gallery only once. another outburst like that, and i'll have this courtroom cleared.

do you believe the defendant is benjamin franklin? yes. how can you be so sure? all you have to do is look at him and listen to him talk. that's no answer. how do you know? well, if he isn't, why would he have tried to pay for a book that was 200 years overdue? mrs. stephens, do you know the penalty for perjury? oh, hush up. your hon-- [ tinkles ] now, i don't see that it makes any difference whether he's benjamin franklin or not. he represents mr. franklin, doesn't he? now, the district attorney accuses him of creating a disturbance in the library. but he doesn't mention the fact that he was honest enough to pay a 200-year-old fine or that benjamin franklin created the first public library. he also accuses him

but he doesn't mention the fact that benjamin franklin started the first volunteer fire department. aren't you going to object to this, counselor? doesn't look that way, your honor. now, it seems to me that, whoever he is, all this gentleman has done since he's been here is to remind us of the wonderful things that benjamin franklin has done... and of the heritage of wisdom that he left us. i'd want to thank him instead of trying to send him to jail. [ applause ] [ tinkles ] objection! i think you're a little late, counselor. congratulations, mr. franklin. i knew you could do it. congratulations, mr. franklin. that was a great speech, sam! oh, thank you, larry.

this jury has found you not guilty -- a judgment in which the court concurs. you are free to go, but i would like to ask you one question. do you intend to continue being benjamin franklin? your honor... ...i believe that a man's wisdom, if he have any, should be left to future generations to measure against their own circumstances. if a man lives beyond his time and attempts to impose old notions upon new generations, he puts himself in very grave danger of losing any claim to wisdom at all. therefore, your honor, although i shall continue to be benjamin franklin, for i can do no other, i shall no longer be that untimely gentleman in your gracious company. good day, sir.

aunt clara, i don't think this is such a good idea. mr. franklin, you said yourself it was time to go back. and so i shall, sir, after this dear lady and i have a night, as you put it, on the town. but didn't you once say, "early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise"? yes, i did, i did. but that was before the electric light. don't you think that your escort should be more appropriately dressed? i'll get one of darrin's suits. no, no, no, no. i can do it. is this a button loose on your coat, mr. franklin? oh, i hadn't noticed.

morning glorious. correct appel apparel, sartor...sartorius! oh! oh, i goofed again. oh, no! no, aunt clara, you look beautiful! madam, you are a vision of loveliness. oh, i congratulate you all for living in this marvelous 20th century, where such things are possible. oh, let us go on, madam. [ chuckling ] well, uh, don't wait up, children. good night. oh! oh, i'm sure they'll be all right, sweetheart.

-- captions by vitac -- [ crash ] forced landing. my goodness! oh, good heavens, aunt clara. are you all right? oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. my goodness. oh, well. oh. my, i'm glad you dropped in. darrin's in boston on business. how's tabitha? wonderful, just wonderful. we're going to the park as soon as i finish measuring the gazebo. you want to come to the park with tabitha and me? i'd love to. and then afterwards, would you mind babysitting for a while, while i go to the bank? you see, i have been delegated by darrin during his absence to negotiate a loan. how about that? oh, i'm very impressed. what does it mean?

so we can tear down the gazebo and put up a rumpus room. oh, well, i wish i'd known. known what? if i'd known you were going to tear this thing down, i would have tried to land right dead center. [ both laugh ] oh, my goodness. oh, yes.

samantha: this is where we usually sit. oh, it's a lovely spot. lovely. uh, good morning. oh, isn't that cute? no, tabitha. that doesn't belong to you. no. come, dear, while mother gets a drink of water. she's got enough toys now to open a toy store. yes. [ tinkles ] tabitha, i said no. and you must not take what doesn't belong to you. that's very wrong. yes, that's very wrong. fuzzy toy.

what happened to -- well, of all the nerve! well, i'm terribly sorry -- can't you get her one of her own? here, love. here you are. please, uh... [ tinkles ] accident, eh? some accident, you, you... you toy snatcher, you! oh, i'm mr. scranton. you wish to see me about applying for a loan? ally, my husband is applying for the loan. but a business matter came up, and it made it impossible for him to keep the appointment, so i volunteered to come down and give you any information you might need. come in, please. sit down. excuse me, sir. yes, hawkins? the appraisal on the nelson house -- i have completed it. [ chuckles nervously ] to put it, uh, simply and kindly,

nelsons' credit rating -- shall we say that the nelsons' character references fell short of the mark? they did? but they seemed so solid. have you ever applied for a loan with us before? no, sir. but we use your calendars. what is the purpose of the loan? home alterations. my husband wants to tear down our gazebo and build a rumpus room. i see. what's a gazebo? permit me, sir. a gazebo is a quaint word, fast going out of style, that some people, few though they may be, use when they refer to a summer house. most of them are very small -- the summer houses, i mean. well, if it's a summer house, why don't you call it a summer house? oh, i will. i will. well, uh, where is your husband employed, mrs. stephens? advertising agency -- mcmann & tate. mcmann & tate? mcmann & tate!

of their biggest accounts! why didn't you say so? welcome aboard! how much do you want? thank you. uh, who is your brother? well, tom scranton, president of super soapy soap. super soapy soap? why, that's one of the firm's largest accounts! is that so? well! "super soapy soap -- the soap your skin loves to sud!" say, wasn't it your husband's firm gan? my husband wrote it. [ laughing ] well! what a small world this is. i know your husband's boss. larry tate, right? right! larry tate. good old larry tate. well! well, we can move this loan right along. there'll just be this little application for you to fill in, a mere formality, i assure you. if my brother can trust your husband's firm with a million-dollar account, i guess we can risk a few bob on him!

hawkins, i want you to go out this afternoon and inspect mrs. stephens' property. just a formality. yes, sir. a loan to tear down a summer house -- a gazebo, hawkins. a gazebo. a gazebo. oh, aunt clara, everything just went beautifully at the bank. what on earth are you doing? oh, it's so long since i've been an elephant, really. why are you trying to be one now? uh, uh, tabitha wants that toy elephant that she saw in the park. remem-remember? hmm. well, why don't we try this? it's one of her favorites. i did. i've tried every toy in the house. i've tried everything.

excuse me. ooh. there's one thing i haven't tried. hello? oh, hi, darrin. i'm so glad you called. guess what. they're gonna give us the loan. they're practically gonna give us the bank! in the park, all pink and new, polka dots of every hue, hear this wish, hear this chant, tabitha wants an elephant. oh, dear! [ gasping ] oh, i will, dear. i'll see that everything is shipshape when the appraiser comes. oh, now, darrin, sweetheart. don't worry. i promise you, everything will be in perfect order.

[ elephant trumpets ] [ gasps ] oh, my stars! aunt clara, what have you done? well, i -- [ stammering ] g-get rid of this elephant. oh, i-i-i can't. i'd love to oblige, dear, but unfortunately i can't. well, aunt clara, you cast the spell. just uncast it. yes, but i can't without the toy from the park. oh, we have to have that toy. i hope the woman's still there. i'll go see. oh, yes. and i'll stay with tabitha. and, uh, in the meantime, i'll work on it. yes, fine. all right. oh. oh, no. no, if i leave you here and you work on it, i'm apt to have an entire zoo before i get back. now, come over this way. come on. come on. [ stammering ]

[ trumpets ] [ trumpeting continues ] colors pink and blue and gray, why don't you just all go away? i was afraid that was... no good. i have it! oh, i have the perfect solution. what? oh, uh, call the exterminator. oh, aunt clara. [ telephone rings ] hello? hello, sam. larry. oh, hi, larry. how are you?

is i just had a funny call from leon scranton. leon scranton, the bank president? yeah, and the reason he called me was he just had a funny call from the appraiser. the appraiser? yeah. are you ready for this? the appraiser told scranton that you have an elephant in your living room! [ laughing ] he did? why would he say a thing like that? now, wait, wait, wait, wait. there's more. there is? he also said that the elephant was pink with multicolored polka dots! w-well, that's, uh, that's crazy... isn't it? of course, but don't worry. i took care of everything. you did? how? listen, sam, scranton's a bit of an oddball. it seems to run in the family. so, if it's all right with you, i'll bring leon to your house at 4:00 so that he can see the whole thing is utter nonsense. well, uh, frankly, larry -- because we don't want leon telling his brother

in his living room in living color. do we? no. no, we certainly don't. okay. well, i'll see you at 4:00. a-a-all right, larry. see you at 4:00. bye. aunt clara, larry is bringing the bank president by at 4:00. why? to prove that we do not have an elephant in our living room. now, we have to get rid of that elephant... or else!

heave! ho! heave! ugh! heave! ho. oh, aunt clara, don't stop now. we have to get it outside. if we do, there's a chance mr. scranton won't see it.

try to get him out to the patio? aunt clara, if i could... him out to the patio, i would...him back to africa. now, come on. now, mr. scranton and tate, but not without a pink, polka-dotted elephant. whew! well, we did it. [ sighs ] did what? oh, sometimes, you know, i think you're very vague, dear. well, now, all i have to do is put you to bed, change clothes, fix the refreshments, and -- oh, well, what's the rush? i have all of two minutes.

samantha! [ trumpeting ] bad elephant. oh, really, aunt clara, why did you let it back in? i couldn't help it, dear. he was coming crashing through the window there, the glass, and i didn't know if you had it insured. aunt clara... aunt clara, that's it! w-w-what's it? oh, yes, well, i knew that from the start. they're crazy about each other. [ doorbell rings ] [ gasps ] oh, i wonder who that can be. oh, i bet it's mr. scranton. come on -- let's see if he'll follow tabitha into the den. come on. oh, w-wait a minute! wait for me! brace yourself, mr. scranton. you are about to see

ounded. you stay there and play quietly, huh? now, i'm sure as long as they're both here, that they'll stay put, and there won't be any problem. now, um, aunt clara, i want you to go to the park and get that toy. i don't care how you do it. oh, yes, i do. absolutely no witchcraft. oh, uh, no witchcraft. yes, all right. now, hurry. yes, i will. will you just give me a boost? oh, certainly. [ ding! ] what's keeping them? [ doorbell rings ] [ ding! ] hi, larry, gentlemen. good afternoon. doesn't take you very long to change, does it? well, that depends. into what?

mrs. stephens? now, hold on, hawkins. you're getting a little high-handed. no, no. that's exactly what i had in mind. i have some nice cool drinks for all of us. you lead the way, larry. this way, gentlemen. mr. hawkins? you said it was on the patio. come on. show us where. all right. what did you do with it? he's got to be here. i saw you push him out here. push what where? the elephant. maybe he's in the garage. congratulations, madam. congratulations? for what? well, you've won today's grand prize for having the only toy elephant in the park... with, uh, polka dots on it. $20 for you, dear. [ chuckles ]

wait a minute! oh, no, i can't. i can't, dear. the contest will be over at 6:00. [ chuckles nervously ] yes. what is it with that elephant? it wasn't in the garage, but he's here someplace, and i'll find him. leon, how far do you want to go? i don't care. i smell a rat. if he's not out here, then he's somewhere in the house. mr. hawkins, really. mr. hawkins, i must protest, please. where have you got him? what? mm-hmm, mm-hmm. i know. you've got him hidden... in a closet. that's what it is -- in a closet. an elephant in a closet? now, are you satisfied? now i'm satisfied.

hant. that's not an elephant. i found it, mr. scranton! i found the elephant, and he's every bit as pink and polka-dotted as i said he was. all right, hawkins. where? in the last place you'd expect, sir -- in the den. follow me, please. leon, where did you find this joker? see for yourselves. [ groans ] he was here. he was. i saw him. why would i say that i saw him if i hadn't? that is a question for you to ask a qualified psychiatrist. i couldn't agree more. enough is enough. we haven't looked everywhere.

the kitchen. we haven't -- we haven't tried the kitchen. at least let's try the kitchen. you try the kitchen, and if you find the elephant, let me know. i'll come a-running. so will i. aha! there you are! all right. i'm letting you know. you may both come a-running. the elephant is in the kitchen! and the king is in the counting house. counting out his money. you don't have to come in, but come a little closer. now what do you say? aah! i think you've been overworking him.

oh, please, mr. scranton. anyone can make a mistake. all he needs is a vacation. well, i'll think it over. right now, i've seen enough. i'm sorry to have bothered you, mrs. stephens. oh, no bother. i'll call you, sam. coming, hawkins? um, i-i'll give him something for his headache, and then he'll go. hmm. mommy! mommy! bitha. i thought i told you to stay in the den. [ trumpeting ] that's...that's not an elephant. oh! oh, i hope i'm not too late. oh, no, of course not, dear.

thank heaven she's here. all right. now, aunt clara, you give me the elephant, and i'll return it from here. no, allow me, please. well, of course you do, dear, but, uh, be careful. yes. have no fear. uh, no fear. polka dots and trunks that bend, bring to us a happy end. oh, look! oh, aunt clara -- [ elephant trumpets ] aah! oh, shall we make a tactical retreat, dear? yes, yes.

good evening, major healey. hi, jeannie. very good. where's tony? tony! i have not seen major nelson since early this morning. well, that's not like him to be late. we got a dinner date tonight, and i'm starved. well, i do not understand it. he has never been this late without calling me before. mm. you're a little slow. you know, something funny is going on. no, not that-- that kind of funny. he's been in a secret conference all day with a lot of senators and generals. and he did not tell you what it was all about? mm-mm. and i haven't had a chance to get to him. oh, well, you-- you do not think anything is wrong, do you? no, what could go wrong? the only thing that puzzles me is that-- hello, everybody! oh, good evening, master. we were worried about you, master. well, i got, uh-- i got tied up. well, listen, if we're going to dinner, we'd better make it an early one. we gotta be at the simulator tomorrow, 6:00 in the morning. i won't be there, roge.

i'm not in the space program anymore. [???]

, master? that's right, jeannie. i can't believe it. oh, they can't do that to you. oh, they didn't do it. i did it. you mean you resigned? that's right. i can't believe it. why would you want to do a thing like that? look, roge, um, i'll wash up and we'll go out to dinner. i'd rather not discuss it tonight. let's not discuss the thing. let's forget the thing. i'm your best friend. you don't wanna discuss it? okay, i'll tell you what. you can just discuss the whole thing without me. you don't need me. i don't need you.

yeah, he is a little shocked, isn't he? well... you really do not have to go back to cape kennedy, master? no, jeannie. [delighted squeal] oh, that is wonderful, master! the first thing we will do is take a trip around the world. [giggles] what color yacht would you prefer, master? and would you rather travel east to west or west to east? east to west... or west to east. what is a columbus, ohio? it's a city, jeannie. i haven't retired, you know. i've got a new job. what kind of a job? well, i'm going to head up a-- a company that makes booster rockets for our missiles. and you would rather do that and live in this columbus, ohio than be an astronaut? it's not a question of what i'd rather do. it's that i couldn't turn it down. hm. well, why not? because three senators and four generals asked me to take it.

d there was no one else to take his place. well, if it makes you happy, it makes me happy. oh, yeah. why shouldn't i be happy? i'm gonna be vice president in charge of production. vice president? columbus, ohio. oh, i am pleased that they named a city after my friend. the booster rockets are very important to the space program. columbus was such a nice man. [giggles] did you know that he used to get seasick? the only other man washington considered besides myself was a professor lakewood, and he turned it down because his wife wouldn't leave connecticut. he should never have been a sailor. it's the biggest break of my life. i'll have a huge salary and two secretaries, and i should be the happiest guy in the world. jeannie: good! shall we go out to dinner now, master? oh, no, thank you, jeannie. i'm not hungry. i think i'll go to bed early. oh.

you. good night. [???] hi. oh, hi, roge. uh... it's, uh, nice. yeah, it's a tie. oh, uh, congratulations. on what? oh, i just heard the news about your, uh-- about your new civilian job. oh, yeah. well, when you get a big opportunity like this, you just can't let it, uh-- slip it through your fingers. yeah, that's it. i hear you're gonna be vice president in charge of production. yeah, that's right. [sighs] ahem, roge, the reason i took the job is because-- oh. look, you don't have to explain it to me. i mean, you know, two secretaries, a big office. i mean, you'll be having a ball. yeah. yeah. well, i'll still be in the space program. that's the important thing. yeah, yeah, you, uh-. you'll be behind a desk and, uh...

roge. what? i don't need this thing anymore. why don't you take it, huh? oh, yeah, well, uh... we'll probably, uh, be running in to each other all the time. i mean, there's no-- no use saying goodbye. [both laugh] sure. look, i'll probably see you then. okay. [???] roge. um...i, uh, probably will need the cord. [both laugh nervously] well... i just can't go through with it, general peterson. we've been all through this before. you don't wanna leave, and i don't want you to. but washington feels you can do a more important job for the space program by running a missile plant, and that's that! but couldn't you just tell them that-- no i can't. you heard 'em yesterday. they want you, and i'm under orders to deliver you. now, if i could find a way to keep you here,

ny. we've both given our word, and that's final. yes, sir. oh, it's not going to be as bad as you think. you'll find out how the other half lives. a little luxury never hurt anybody. the last thing i-i need in the world is luxury. i just turned down a-- a cruise on my own yacht. what? oh, it's-- it's nothing, sir. i-isn't there a chance that you could call somebody and--? the subject is closed, tony. all you can do is make the best of it! i'm gonna miss you. i'll miss you, too, sir. [???] [playing "frere jacques"] fire! oh! i am so upset.

oh, you mean the tycoon? oh, don't worry about him. he's got it made. from now on, it's go, go, go with the martinis and the golf balls. oh, no, he is very unhappy. can you not do something? well, if we could just get him to change his mind, but-- how? how... wait a minute. we know he won't be happy unless he's an astronaut, right? right. and he certainly won't be happy sitting behind a desk. ooh, that is right. well, then, why can't he see it? boy, if there's only some way we can get him to look into the future. oh, but he can. that is easy. that's easy. that-- you mean you can show him what it's like? of course. jeannie, that's wonderful. one look at his new job, he'll turn it down cold, just like that. boy, let's go and show him. very well. oh, wait a minute. wait a minute. wait. how bad is it? well, i do not know. would you like to see it? yeah, we'd better take a look at it first. no use shattering his ego too much. just, um, pick his worst day.

hey, look at that. oh! what is it? hey, how does it work? well, first you put a drachma in. oh, a drachma, yeah. you have drachmas. [laughs] now, turn the handle. ah, okay. [???] oh, uh, that is too slow. oh. a little faster. - not too fast. just, just... mm! okay, that is better. [???] mr. nelson? tony: mm-hm? hey, that is better. [chuckles] whoa, ha-- wait a minute. would you like to sign this? in just a moment, jane.

ellen. [hits ball] oh, terrific! well, thank you. thank you. uh, did miss brookes call? oh, yes. she'd love to have lunch with you. her chauffeur will pick you up. oh, you have a terrace table at the country club. mm-hm. oh, and, uh, your theater tickets are all set for this evening. oh, good, good. thank you. my pleasure. oh, jane? ellen. ellen. thank you. mr. nelson. here's the report you asked for. tony: thank you, sue. oh, i see production's up 27 percent. [chuckles] yes, and it's all due to you.

[clears throat] i'll try to remember. oh, general peterson is waiting to see you. general peterson? well, show him right in. general peterson. peterson: thank you. tony! [chuckling] well, martin. what brings you to columbus? i just flew in to see you. i wanted to tell you what a great job you're doin'. tony: thank you very much. peterson: we're all proud of you. t. how's roger? he's fine. sends his regards. [pushes intercom button] uh, sue, i've signed those contracts. i want to get them out in the early mail. well, it's, uh, quite a setup you got here, tony. yes, it's a team effort, as i said. yeah, i can see that. i told you it wouldn't be so bad, once you got yourself, uh, adjusted. yes, i'm trying to get it. i-i-- i don't find it easy. [door opens]

[???] well, i won't detain you. keep up the good work, tony. [laughs] feel free to drop in any time, martin. i wouldn't want to interrupt your schedule. shall we go to work, tony? [???] what happened? it needs another drachma. yeah. yeah, well, give me another one. hm. i am out of drachmas. you're out of drachmas? at a time like this, you're out of drachmas. oh, listen, is-- is that what an average day is like? yes. and that's his worst day? yes. would you, uh, like me to show you a good day?

should we show major nelson what his new life will be like? oh, if we show him that, we'll never get him to stay. no, we're gonna have to think of something else. his first secretary should have worn a veil. yeah, she should've worn a veil-- wait a minute. wait a minute. you want tony nelson to be happy, don't you? you know i do. and you know he's not going to be happy unless he's an astronaut. yes... what do you want me do to? lie a little. [???] good evening, master. oh, hi, jeannie. hi. pardon me. packing, huh? yeah, yeah. i think i found a buyer for the house. oh, that's great. great. mm. i've grown very fond of this place. yeah, yeah, me too. well, just think how exciting it will be living in columbus, ohio. yeah. i wonder what your new life will be like. i don't know. i-i can show you if you like. show me what? would you like to see you in your new job?

to see what it's like in a typical day in the future? say, a, uh, year from now? could you do that? of course. well, it might be kind of interesting. oh... oh, yes, you're gonna be very happy, huh? shall we show him his new job? mm-hm. yeah. there. oh, look, you gotta take a look at this. now, i will put a drachma in. a drach--? what is this thing? i thought you were all out of drachmas. what is this thing? well, it's, uh... well, just turn the handle there. you'll-- watch very closely, master. yeah, just, uh... [???] sally! okay. [rings bell] [ringing bell] sally: just a minute! [typewriter keys clattering] what do ya want?

these have gotta get out tonight. well, it-- can't it wait till in the morning? it's after midnight. look, as far as i'm concerned, i don't care if they get out at all. you think i like working these hours? i got a life of my own, you know. gee, i-i-- i know that, sally. uh, maybe tomorrow we can finish early. it would help if they had somebody in your job who knew what he was doin'. [phone ringing] huh? your phone is ringing. thank you. hello. oh, uh, yes, sir. you gotta cancel the order? well, you can't do that now, sir. well-- i-i know we were supposed to have it out last night, but one of our machines broke down. well, i-i-- i'll have it out first thing in the morning. yes--

oh, please, help. here's some more cancellations. more cancellations? oh, and here's your dinner. i just got a call from the foreman. oh yeah? is the number-one machine--? is the number-- is the number-one machine fixed? yes. oh, good, good. but number two and three are out. oh... i want a raise! yeah, that figures. oh, go on in. nelson! oh, sir-- oh! hi, general peterson, it's, uh-- uh, what brings you to town? i came down here to find out what's goin' on. uh, well, i know we're a little behind in the booster rocket deliveries, sir-- a little behind? i think you're deliberately sabotaging us! why, this is the worst defense plant in the country.

well, sir, i-i-- we're having a little trouble with our equipment, but we're having it fixed. i-i-- w-we're working around the clock. don't bother. we just canceled all your defense contracts. oh, sir, you can't do that. i-- give me a chance. uh, we-- we'll get them out as soon as possible-- i gave you a chance, nelson! you let me down! yeah, b-but general, look, if you just-- the number-one machine has broken down again. [nervous laugh] and if aggie gets a raise, i want a raise! you want a raise. you heard it, buster. you-- ow! [???] you've done it again! here. fix it! wait a minute. i've gotta fix it! i gotta fix it? [indistinct yelling] is it really gonna be that bad? oh, uh, ahem. yes, master. oh, that's terrible. i knew you'd hate it. did you see that office and those secretaries? i never thought it was gonna be that bad. i knew it'd shake you up. now that you know about it... now that i know about it, i'm gonna get down there fast

[???] he would not be in this trouble in the first place if it were not for that professor lakewood's silly wife. yeah, it was all his silly wife's fault. who? the wife of the other man they wanted for the job. major nelson said he refused it. because of his wife? yes. she has a home in connecticut, and she does not want to leave it. that is what? that's the person we're gonna work on, his wife. oh, but if she loves her home, how can i make her leave it? yeah. oh, if you loved your home, what would make you leave it? oh, you mean--? yeah. [both shiver] that's the most incredible thing i ever heard. no, tony's on his way over here now. i'll talk to him and get back to you. poor woman. [knock on door]

it down. thanks, sir. hey, tony, uh... how do you really feel about this job you're taking over? oh, i consider it a great opportunity, sir. it's the kind of challenge any young man would be proud of. between us. i hate it. [laughs] how would you like to stay where you are? you mean i don't have to go, sir? well, it's up to you. you can have the job if you want to. but i think i ought to tell you, i had a call from professor lakewood. he says he'll take the job if you don't want it. well, i-i understood his wife didn't want to leave her house. she was driven out by snakes. snakes? why, it's the most incredible thing you ever heard of. she was getting into bed, and the snakes came up the stairs and into her room. he says there were thousands of them. anyway, she refused to set foot in the house again. if you don't mind giving up a big job and a big salary-- and two secretaries. and two secretaries. --your place in the space program is still open. oh! i see you're unpacking. [chuckles] huh? oh, yeah, i guess you haven't heard the news. uh, news? i'm-- yeah, i'm-- i'm not going.

od. he had a wife who wouldn't leave-- hello, master. oh. i am ready to leave for columbus, ohio. we're not going to columbus. we're staying right here. we are? what happened? roger: this professor and his wife were driven out of their house by snakes. the snakes ran under the bedroom and she came out screaming. wait a minute. how do you know that? a lucky guess? jeannie. i have some house cleaning. jeannie, did you send those snakes to that poor woman? oh, please, do not be angry, master. i only did it to help you. don't be angry? you're asking-- wait a minute. don't blame her. it was my idea. i guess we shouldn't have butted in in the first place, huh? well, if you hadn't had, i'd never have forgiven you. do you mean that? of course i do. oh, master! [delighted squeal] oh, does he not look handsome? oh, welcome back. [laughing] thank you. thank you very much. you do all this research on a perfect car,

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nice talking to you.

[whistling] um, any luck, roge? well, uh, everyone's got a date tonight. you know how busy monday nights are. yeah. yeah. listen, do you mind if just the, uh, three of us go to dinner tonight? oh, of course not. no, no, fine. yeah. hey, wait a minute. do you know that cute little secretary, the one without the veil, with the--? oh, yes. well, i was wondering, if she's not doing anything tonight, is it all right, master? hm? oh, i don't know. i haven't seen her, but if-- if it's all right with roger, it's okay with me. oh, she's beautiful. you'll love her. oh, just-- would you mind, jeannie? just, you know? of course. i'm used to getting picked up at my place. i hope we don't go to some cheap restaurant. i'm all dressed up, and i wanna go someplace nice. i spent $29.50 on this dress, and i don't wanna waste it.

who won't take you dancing. the last fellow i went out with insisted that we go to some crummy place. we ended up... [jeannie singing in foreign dialect] insisted that we go to some good morning, master.ended up... how are you feeling this morning? uh, to tell the truth, i'm not-- here is your breakfast. all of your favorite dishes. oh. well, uh, jeannie, thanks a lot-- look... i don't-- miss atom bomb and miss galaxy are in town. i have pressed your dinner jacket, and you and major healey are going to take them out tonight. and i am going to stay in my bottle, so that i will not accidentally cause you any trouble. hm. i do not want anything to spoil this evening for you. wh-- uh, what made you change your mind? oh, i have not changed my mind. all i want is for you to be happy. that is all i have ever wanted. oh. they are such beautiful girls.

enjoy your breakfast, master. i will see you tomorrow. hold it. hold it? yeah, i want to discuss this. [chuckles] oh, well. discuss what, master? oh, uh, breakfast in bed. uh-- uh, you wanting me to go out with miss atom bomb. uh, you staying in your bottle and not bothering me all day. and being so terribly nice about everything. that's what i want to discuss. oh, well, of course, master. why? uh, why? uh, when you start repeating everything i say, i know that i'm in trouble. now, what's going on? uh, going on? jeannie. [giggling] well, i mean-- i mean, well-- well, what could be going on? i don't know. that's what i want to find out. find out? let's see. now, i, um-- i know it's not my birthday. and it's certainly not your birthday... no. but it's some kind of a special day, isn't it? [chuckling] well, it... a very little day. uh-huh. now, look--

[laughing] oh. i see. now we're getting somewhere. where are we getting? the ha-haji is the, uh, master of all the genies. oh, i see. i see. and on haji's birthday, you act especially nice. [gasps] you guessed it, master. have a wonderful time. i will see you tomorrow. yeah-- hold it. why do i keep feeling like there's something more? oh. i cannot imagine, master. [chuckles] but there is. but it-- it-- it is such a tiny little thing, i did not even want to bother you with it. [laughs] bother me. [laughs] well... this will amuse you. yeah, amuse me. go ahead. well... each year on haji's birthday... all the masters who are unhappy with their genies are able to send them away for good. [both laughing]

jeannie, let me get something straight. if i send you away, yove to go? well, i know it is ridiculous, but-- but i can? [laughs] well, i-- i-i know you would not even dream of doing such a thing. no. no, of course not. yeah, what time do i have to let you know? you have until midnight. midnight. oh, but do not even think about it, master. i'll be good. i will grant your every wish. and i will stay in my bottle and not get you into any trouble. you may go out with all the beautiful girls you want to... okay. ...and there is no-- okay. you mean it is all right? no. i mean, i want to think about it. oh, you wish to think about it?

[snaps] ...just like that? yeah... [snaps] ...just like that. i only have until midnight. oh, she wasn't going to tell me, you know. i had to drag it out. oh, if she hadn't been so nice to me, i wouldn't have gotten suspicious. hm. well, uh, what are you, uh-- what are you gonna do? i don't know. i think i'm gonna have to send her away. well, why would you want to do a thing like that? roger, i don't want to do that, but i don't have any choice. ever since i've met her, i've been in trouble. boy, am i gonna miss her. so am i. well, she can't help being the way she is. oh, i know that. she's a-- she's a warm-hearted... beautiful, impetuous, troublemaker. that's what she is: a troublemaker. hello, master. hi, jeannie. how many times have i told you not to pop in in public places?

jeannie: good morning, major healey. roger: good morning, jea-- jeannie. get a chair. get a chair. get a chair, get a chair-- i got a chair. get a chair. get a chair. i am sorry to bother you, master, but you left your briefcase at home, and i thought you might need it. well, thank you, jeannie. you shouldn't have troubled. oh, nothing is too much trouble for you, master. anytime, anyplace. and my only wish is to make you happy. i know you do, jeannie. and-- and you've been wonderful, and we've had a great year. but i've come to a decision, and i think i-- i-i-i had better go home and see if you left anything else. oh, jeannie-- jea-- boy, oh, boy. how could you do it? do what? make her leave? well, roger, i can't let her go on running my life. well, when does she ever run your life? wha-- what kind of a memory do you have?

she thought i looked tired, and i needed a rest? she made every day sunday. i remember i-- i-- i walked into the living room one day... and i... do you-- do you know what kind of chaos this could create? i only know that you have been working too hard, and it is not good for you. now-- jeannie-- it is no use talking about it, master. this is for your own good. it is going to remain sunday until you have rested. hm. it will give you a chance to do all those things you enjoy. and i'm not gonna let you do this. i'm gonna put my foot down-- [elephant trumpets] [roars] jeannie! try it on. no. jeannie, will you stop fooling around. i'm telling you for the last time-- jeannie!

[spits] jeannie! you remember that? yeah, i'd forgotten that. it was pretty funny. [both laugh] yeah, dr. bellows almost caught me. that wasn't very funny. master? oh, jeannie, what are you doing here? well, i-- oh, i'm s-- i'm sorry. what are you doing, anyway? what are you--? oh! yeah. say, what have you done to yourself? ght you might prefer me with dark hair. no, i like you just the way you were. oh, did you, master? yeah. thank you! i will go tell haji. uh, no, that's not what i had in mind. oh boy, it's pitiful. she'd do anything to please you. well, do you think i'm gonna enjoy sending her away? it's just, i-- i can't take a chance on keeping her. well, if you send her back to the haji, you'll never see her again, ever. yeah, that's right. why don't you give her another chance anyway?

you remember the things she's done to you? hey, she's never done anything to me. roger, do you remember the time i got hit on the head and got amnesia? oh, yeah. and i-- i forgot who jeannie was. and i fell in love with her? yeah. she wanted to marry you. yeah, and you threatened to tell me that she was a genie. yeah, she was mad. whew, boy. yeah, remember what happened when she lost her temper. yeah. woo. [squawking] yeah. get away. get away from here. get away. [yells indistinctly] oh, boy. i got sunburn, frostbite, and a case of the bends all in the same day. yeah. and that was just one of jeannie's average days. yeah. oh. jeannie. well, now that you're here, i'd-- oh. now, you look lovely. [giggles] oh, thank you, master. i was hoping that it would please you. it pleases me. yes. well, i, uh--

jeannie, i'm afraid i'm gonna have to send you back. she's, uh, really hard to pin down, isn't she? well, don't worry. she'll go back. this time i have the haji on my side. oh, good evening, master. hello, jeannie. glad you're here. i want to talk to you. i've-- i've come to a decision-- whoa. oh, jeannie, what do you think you're doing? oh. i want you to be comfortable, master. listen... ah-- uh-- [coughing, sneezing] [wheezing] those feathers... [stammers] this time, you're not going to get away with this. [harp music playing] [coughs] oh, i-- i-- uh, good evening. uh-- oh, very nice. ver-- very nice. jeannie, this is not gonna work this time.

[wheezing] what--? jeannie, i don't smoke. and i certainly wouldn't smoke a hookah if i did. [coughing] i am sorry, master. do you know what i have decided to do? what? i have decided to bring you all the treasures of the world. we are going to start with the buried gold of the incas. hey-- no. the rubies of the rajahs? no. the diamonds of the--? no. well, where would you like to start? oh, but i thought you'd enjoy-- now. ah. [coughs] oh, uh... this one too, huh. i'm terribly sorry, miss. it was very nice. oh, that's better. [chuckling] oh, jeannie, i am feeling... now the hammock. oh. yeah. thank you. [screams] oh!

forget it. it's-- it's okay. oh, i do not know what to do. i-- i cannot seem to please you. no. you-- you please me very much. do i? yes, yes. if, uh-- if i ever wanted a genie in the whole wide world, you'd be the genie i'd want. oh, thank you, mas-- but i don't want a genie. oh, not even a genie who will not give you any trouble. who-- whose every thought is to make you very happy and comfortable? [scoffs] comfortable? y-- you remember the-- what happened the last time you tried to make me comfortable? huh? [screams] ah-- oh! [yells indistinctly] jeannie!

i can't hold on any... [croaks] [screams] and ever since i found you, my whole life has been like that. i-- i-- i go from disaster to disaster. well, all that's gonna change. as of midnight tonight, i'm gonna be free as a... jeannie? jeannie! all right, jeannie, i see you in there. you might as well start packing. as of midnight tonight,

tony: come out, jeannie. [sighs] would you please come out?

you are gonna be nice and sensible about this, aren't you? no, master. that's a good girl. ye-- oh, yes you are. but it is so unfair. i make one teeny little mistake-- yeah, but you keep doing them over and over again. i-- i'm sorry. i can't have you interfering in my life any longer. i? interfere in your life? telling you terrible tales. i would never do that. would you? of course not. oh, if there's anything i cannot stand, it-it-- it... it's an interfering genie. [sighs] yes, that's exactly the way i feel about it, jeannie. good! then there is no problem. i will be right back, mas-- uh-uh-- oh, i'm not through yet. you are not through yet? no, no. i know you don't mean to interfere. oh, no. but you do. oh. when have i ever interfered in your life? uh-- do-- do you remember the night i had a date with an old friend of mine? uh...charlie-- charlie suzie.

good evening, master. you did not tell me you were going out tonight. oh, didn't i? mm. well, it must've slipped my mind. oh. you are all dressed up. [gasps] i am ready. where are we going tonight, master? uh, we are not going anywhere. i have a date tonight with an old friend of mine from chicago. jeannie, what do you think you're doing? you have been working much too hard lately, master. it would be better if you stayed home and rested. well, i-- i'll decide that. now, i'm going out... and, uh-- this jealousy of yours is ridiculous. oh, well, i am not jealous, master. who is this girlfriend? she's-- uh, he's a very old school chum of mine from ohio. uh...yes. we went to school together, and...

ah, what is her name? suzie... charlie suzie. oh, master. thou art not dealing with a stupid genie. you will stay home tonight. no, i'm not. i promised i'd visit him, and visit him i'm going to. now, give me my clothes. no, master. all right. then i'll go and get dressed myself. you can make me late, but you can't keep me here. this is not a jail, you know. [snickers] jeannie. jeannie, let me out of here! now, that wasn't very nice, was it? well, i-- i-i thought it would amuse you. did you? yes. well, it didn't. you know why it didn't? because you-- you made me break my date. ah. but i let you keep it the next night, do you remember? oh, yes, i remember. you see? and everything turned out fine. i will go tell haji that you-- no. no? do you remember what happened when you let me keep the date?

well, let me refresh your memory. i was there with joan... to us. i'll drink to that. [coughs] [chuckles] jea-- jeannie. jeannie! i thought she looked better that way. i think you see what i mean, jeannie. it, uh-- it won't work. it just won't work. your mind is made up then? yes. yes, it is. [sighs] well, i... i will miss you, master. i'll miss you too. i am yours until midnight. i-i would like to do something for you. oh, no. nothing, thank you. oh, please. it will make me so happy. no, really. i want you to look nice for miss galaxy. oh. well, thank you very much, jeannie. i better be getting along. will you be here when i get back?

[clears throat] uh, jeannie... yes? i, uh... i just wanted to thank you for everything. oh. would you... kiss me goodbye? oh, sure. [door opens, closes] [sighs] goodbye, master. music playing] tony...what's it like to go into orbit? oh, yes-- yes... uh, roger, what time is it? ro-- uh, what time is it? i got 9:30. what's the matter with you? you keep asking me what time is it. i think my watch has stopped. that's right. nine-thirty. don't worry. i don't have to be back until february. [laughing] oh, yes. you know...

uh, why-- why don't we do that. i don't think you've heard a word i've said. oh, i'm sorry, ann. if you've got a problem, maybe i could help you with it. the only person who could help me is me. more hot sake? how could you let me do that? i must have missed part of the conversation. how could i let you do what? fine friend you turned out to be. well...i must have been out of my mind. i can't go on without her. you mean you've changed your mind? i wish i knew what everybody was talking about? it can't be 9:30-- uh, pardon me. could you tell me what time it is, please? mm. it's, uh, one minute past midnight. [sighs] here's to the best genie a master ever had. yeah. - [narrator] what if you had a medical emergency away from home? - my chest hurts, i can't breathe.

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haji, i want to talk to you. you can't have jeannie back. there's, um, been some kind of a mistake. something went wrong with my watch. now, it's up to me to decide if i want to send her back. and i've decided i do not want to send her back. are you listening? all right, i'll tell you what i'll do. i'll fight you for her. thanks, jeannie. [laughing] jeannie. jeannie. you escaped! no, master. how did you get away from the haji? i did not go to haji. yeah-- but you-- but you said that at midnight, you had to-- yes, master. midnight, haji's time. midnight, haji's time. well, i, uh-- i set your watches back. you set our watches back? well, i did not think you wanted me to go, really.

oh ye-- too late-- too late, yes. uh... uh, that is, until next year. yes. do you mind very much? well, i guess i could put up with you for another year. oh, i am glad. yeah, but you remember, you're gonna keep your promises. you're gonna stay in your bottle and not interfere in my life. oh, that is right, master. welcome home. oh. thank you, master. [both laugh] okay, now, back in the bottle. oh, where are you going? oh, well, i'm going back to the tokyo house. i have a date, remember? and you are going back there? yeah, sure. good night. jeannie! wait. jeannie, what do you think you're doing? it is past midnight, master, and you should be in bed. you have a hard day tomorrow, and you should be fresh.

i will see you in the morning. jeannie, now, you cut this out. jeannie! ? green acres is the place to be ? ? farm livin' is the life for me ? ? land spreadin' out so far and wide ? ? keep manhattan, just give me that countryside ? ? new york is where i'd rather stay ? ? i get allergic smelling hay ? ? i just adore a penthouse view ? ? darling, i love you, but give me park avenue ? ? the chores ?