- no kidding, well, listen. we'll go in the house and have a couple of beers, you can tell me about it, yerby. - [yerby] ok. - a beer? - not for you. you go finish your roadwork. (audience laughs) (audience applauding) - well, he's not as dumb as he looks. - nobody can be dumb as he looks. hey, yerby, come on in here and have a little sit-down. anywhere you want to. i'll get us a couple of beers. hey, yerby. that fighter of yours look like you say he is?

t, he's going to fight right here in la this week. - no kidding. i'd sure like to see that. you think you can get us a couple tickets for me and lamont? - hey, i can do better than that. how would you like to be right up there in the ring with us? - what are you talking about? - look, junior is a million-dollar fighter, and i'm offering you a part of him. - uh, which part? the part that eats, or the part that sits on the canvas? (audience laughs) - fred, junior is sensational. - half a mill, half half half, half a mill... half a m... half a mi... i can't even get my tongue to go up that high. half a, half a million! - at least! partner? - uh, wait a minute. now before uh, we finish this, how much is this gonna cost me? - 300 bucks. - 300 what? bucks? - no, 200. - 200 what?

e got a deal. - you got it. - i'll take it. i'll take that. hey hey hey yerby, have you seen my nice new wallpaper? (audience laughs) uh yeah... i was saving this money here to surprise lamont. i was getting some new tires for the truck, but here it is. - good. now, you know that part of the deal - where are you going? - i got to go to san diego. - well, what am i supposed to do with junior? - whip him into shape. - ok. - sharpen up his punches. - that's all right. - build up his stamina. - i can do that. - smarten him up. - give me my money back. (audience laughs) ain't nobody getting smart. oh, here he is. - you run around the block 20 times? - 20 times. - now mr. sanford here is your new part-owner, and i want you to do everything he tells you.

this one! up! - look, i got a blank contract right here. - let me check this over first 'cause it's got to be right. that's right. there you go. my john hancock. - yeah, well now, good luck and train him hard now. - i will do that, yerby. hey now, where you going? - i got to go contact my parole officer. - i thought so... oh, no! you big dummy! t the hell out of, don't ever hit your manager. (audience applauding) here i am. i haven't been in "the wide world of sports" two minutes,

- [fred] is that you, son? - of course it's me, who else would it be? - hey, what's the matter with you? what you cranky and grouchy about? - i'm cranky and grouchy 'cause i got a flat tire on the truck, and i changed it, and the spare was flat. i had to walk two and a half miles from al's garage, and that's also the reason ld push that truck in it. - forget the truck. i'm thinking seriously of getting you a half-ton pickup from rolls and royce. (audience laughs) - uh-oh. - what? - i recognize that familiar gleam in your eye. - gleam? - it's that "son, we're gonna get rich quick" gleam.

- pop, i'm gonna give you five seconds to explain to me what it's doing here. - junior here is a professional fighter. - pop, you bought a fighter? - [fred] uh-huh. - yeah, you see, he's fighting this week. you remember my old buddy yerby. - yerby? yerby's mixed up in this? - not mixed up, involved. - pop, how could you do any kind of business with yerby, man? anybody that goes door to door selling encyclopedias printed in crayon is deranged. (audience laughs) (audience applauding) how much did it cost? - a measly 50 bucks.

i was saving that money for the truck. - well, forget the truck. - all right, i'll put a grill in junior's mouth and drive him to work. (audience laughs) - well, listen, you just wait and see. wait and see, son. i'll get us rich, and not just from junior's fighting, but from souvenirs and them sweatshirts and all that stuff they sell. - and just how do you plan on doing this? - i'm going down and renegotiating junior's contract. - pop, you don't know nothing about the boxing game. i used to box myself years ago. used to call me fast fist freddie with the floy floy. that's right, (mumbles), come on! try to hit my hand. that was close! (audience laughs) (audience applauding)

n. - wow, man! wow, fred. this looks like something right out of one of those old movies. i could just close my eyes and see, i can see... you know, with my eyes closed i can't see a damn thing. (audience laughs) - just, just, just sit down somewhere. (mumbling) he did not say make ourselves at home. - listen, one thing i know grady, is this fight game. see, you gotta be cocky, else people'll run all over ya. - oh! - ok, gentlemen, what can i do for you? don't sit in that chair! - what do you mean don't sit in this chair? listen, i'm tough and i'm cocky, and i know the fight game. - and i'll tell you something you don't know, tough and cocky.

all right, now what's on your mind? - big money, big money. that's what's on my mind. big, big money. that's my name, fred "big money" sanford. this is my associate, "small change" wilson. (audience laughs) - who's the fighter you're here to talk about? - well, listen, i'm junior joe louis' manager. ter. - i'm yerby's partner, and i've come here to check over and talk over some new details with you. - what do you mean details? look, just have the fighter down there friday night 8:30, in a pair of trunks and a bathrobe. - aha! we can begin negotiations right there. - what do you mean? - fred doesn't have a bathrobe. (audience laughs) - you shut up, grady, 'cause i'll put round five in your mouth. - ok, gentlemen, i'll see you on friday. - listen, we haven't finished negotiating nothing yet. - what do you mean?

first, you're one of yerby's suckers, second, you're short a bathrobe, and third, you like to sit on wet paint. - i'm not talking about that. i'm talking about the fight. now listen, we got to negotiate television to see who's gonna get the television rights, then we got to figure out what we're gonna do with the souvenirs and all those other things, and first, the main thing is, who is gonna be interviewed by howard cosell? - now wait just a minute. i don't think you understand. you see, this is just a four round preliminary fight. and that is less the rental fee for the bathrobe. now that's the deal. - oh, that's the old deal. here it is, now, we discuss this starting with negotiating the television rights, or else me and my fighter, we walk. you get that, buster? - i think i understand your position. - i think he understands your position, fred. - i know he understands my position. see, he's calling his attorney and accountant now to get some advice. - hello, i want to talk to max. - he's talking to max. you did it, fred, you did it.

now on friday night, junior joe louis is out. put in irish doogie doyle. - wait a minute. - wait a minute. we got a contract. - well, sue me! - wait a minute, but we got to settle those television rights. you can have the television rights. - it's been nice talking to you gentlemen. - listen, i'll tell you what. i'll put on lamont's bathrobe, and you can be interviewed by howard cosell. - [fitzgerald] so long. - wait a minute! just, wait! - oh boy, you did it, fred. you got him on the ropes now. now finish the job. - shut up. - don't! (mumbling) - oh, shut up. ahh!

would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. p. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. we can call aunt rose as much as we want now. switching is easy. get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee with no contract to sign. plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. really?

because all my life i've made my living with my wits. - well i certainly hope you can eat your wits, pop, 'cause junior ate everything else.

nobody misuses fred sanford. i know how to handle this thing, i'll just call that old clancy fitzgerald down there and when i get through being mean and lean like joe green, i'll watch him crumble under my pressure. - count, count. - eight, nine, 10, 11, 11, 11, 11... - 12! - eight, nine, 10, 11, 11, 11, 12. - that's fine. - oh, hi, grady. - how you doing? - oh, fine. - how do you like this ring that i borrowed from the "y"? - hey, grady, what are all these people doing here? - oh, those are fight fans, and they paid 50 cents to watch junior work out. - you mean to tell me they paid 50 cents to watch him skip rope? grady, they can go down to the schoolyard and see it for free. - hey, buddy. he's been jumping rope for half an hour. how about some action? - [yerby] hi, lamont.

ht promoter, got your fight canceled. - he did what? where is he? - [lamont] in the house. - fred, what did you do? - shh! yerby, i'm concentrating on the schedule for junior's personal appearance tour. - tour? - right. i figure we can cover uh, 37 cities in four days. and then if we carry along a rock group, (audience laughs) - but lamont just told me that junior's fight was canceled. - yerby, next time a little bird whispers something in your ear, make sure it's not a looney bird. - then the fight's back on. - 99 and 44/100's back on. see, now clancy's coming over here later on to watch junior fight, and if he likes what he sees, we back in business. - watch him fight? - [fred] yeah. - well, who's his sparring partner?

think i'd leave out the most important detail, do you? see, i plan ahead. lamont, put your gloves on, son, and go on out there and get ready to box three or four rounds with junior. - you must be crazy. i ain't gonna fight nobody. - son, don't look at it as a fight. look at it as our new red truck. - i look at it as my fresh red blood. i ain't fighting nobody. oh, say, lamont, i want you to meet mr. clancy fitzgerald, the fight promoter. - hi. - how you doing? - mr. wilson, where is junior's sparring partner? i haven't got all day. - folks, you'll notice a celebrity has just joined us here in camp. one of the great names in the fight business. - oh, you don't have to introduce me, yerby. - i'm talking about a great fight promoter,

now, you've all been watching the champ exercise and work out, and in a few minutes, we're gonna present some thrilling exhibition boxing. - oh, no, we're not. - oh, yes, we are. (audience applauding) - what do you think i'm dressed like this for? what do you think, i'm selling sherbet? - look, i, look, i can't let you go in there and fight junior. you'll get killed. - oh no, i won't. i'm going in there and take care of him. when i come back, i might give you two or three of these across your lips. - ok, open wide now.

- pop, i can see right through your little scheme. see, you think you're gonna shame me into going in there and fighting junior, but it's not gonna work. if you want to go in there and fight junior, go on with your bad self. - well, i want to. now help me get through them ropes. (audience laughs) well, don't stand there! help me up!

- hey, lamont, i tried to, but he's determined to get those new tires for your truck. - how did you know about that? - hey, that's the first thing he said to me when i mentioned this deal to him, that you could get killed on those bald-headed tires, and he was gonna get you some new ones. - he said that? (sighing) let me have the gloves, pop. - huh? (audience applauding) and thank you so much, hear? - you know what you're asking me to do, don't you? you're asking me to come in here and get killed. - well, i'm only gonna ask you this one time. - all right, you both know the rules. - ok, uh, n, n, now, junior, i want to see you hitting hard, moving fast, and don't let up. - i'm ready. - and listen, son, you hit him slow, and hit him soft,

and when he hits you with all of his might in your stomach, bend over and cry some, and then when he knocks you unconscious, lay there and don't move. ok, son? go ahead. - all right, now you both know the rules.come . - well, let's get this over with. - over with! hey, lamont. did he hit you before the bell rang? come on, son, get up. you big dummy, you! you, you hit my son before the bell rang? nobody does that! nobody does that to a sanford and lives! he hit you before-- all right, you big dummy! (grunting) hey, look! hey, look at that!

(audience applauding) - fred, you crazy! you crazy! you done blow the whole deal! - well, when i saw him hit my son, i couldn't help it. yep, i just went crazy! you don't do that. - oh i'm sorry, mr. fitzgerald, but this is-- - no, no, no, no! i like junior, yerby. i like him! i like the way he handles himself. now, do you think he can do that friday night? - do what? - oh yeah, i've seen him do it even faster than that! - oh good, good, then he is back on the card because i've got to have a fast knockout friday night to make my own fighter look good. - you got it. - i like him, but i don't want to see him anywhere near the arena. - i don't want to be near the arena where you are because you're a crook, and you're a cheat, and you're not honest. - oh, i get it. - give me my money back. - how much will it cost to buy you out? - give me 50.

- all right, junior, come on, let's get dressed and get out of here. let's eat! - eat! (audience applauding) - well, we made our money back and plus a couple of extra dollars. - yeah, son. - i hope you learned a lesson. - i did learn a lesson, i did, son. you go on in there on the couch i'll be right in there in a minute. now step right up, folks. right now, we're gonna have the big contest. anyone who wants to come in the ring and can last three minutes with me, they win $10 apiece. it don't make no difference, i'll take all comers. anybody? how about you, sir? would you help this old lady in the ring here? come on up! come on! get up!

- hi, son. - hey, why don't you come outside with me and look at the new tires i got for the truck? - uh, not, not right now, son. i'm trying to figure out a nickname for myself. - a nickname? - yeah. - what for? - i'm going back in the ring. - now, just wait a minute. now, i got to draw the line someplace, pop. i'm not gonna let, m not talking about fighting. i'm talking about wrestling. that's where the real money is. - wrestling? what are you gonna call yourself, gorgeous junk? how about kid rust? i'm not gonna let you do it, man, you'd get hurt. i'm not gonna let you do it. that's all there is to it. - well, i sure appreciate that, son, and you don't know how much this means to me

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