and i'm still much too immature for that. (laughing) (lively music) - it was so nice meeting you, mr. heckendorn, mrs. heckendorn, come over again soon. - anytime, you don't even have to call. - let's understand each other, mr. crabtree. my visit here this afternoon is based strictly on the relationship between attorney and the client. coming here was simply more convenient than . - are you buckled in, agnes? you have your retainer, do your job. - alright. - use this photograph tomorrow when you go before the license board. (whistles) shameful. - oh, it was shameful. yes, sir, shameful. - i'm counting on you, crabtree. i want the greek grotto closed tighter than the drum. it's a den of an equity. - may i see the photograph, henry dear? - it's not for your innocent eyes, agnes. - thank you, dear.

he fourth attorney i've had on this case. i'm certain they bribed the other three to drop the matter. - nobody bribes me. - i hope not, for your sake. - (funny sound) (audience laughing) (car honking) - [voiceover] davey, what's going on? - i have a new client, henry heckendorn. - heckendorn, the blue nose? - what does he want you to do? close down the greek grotto? - how'd you know that? - he offered your father the case 15 years ago. your father turned him down. - heckendorn didn't tell me that. - but naturally, he hopes the son doesn't have the integrity his father had. - wait a minute, mom, heckendorn says that absorba the greek's running a notorious club and it ought to be closed down. - ugh, notorious my headlight. absorba has a 50 year lease on heckendorn's building.

s they got there? - mr. absorba is a fine gentleman, he runs a fine establishment. so, before you close him down, make sure you have some fine evidence. - yeah, maybe you're right. it's a good idea. - take barbara with you. - that's a bad idea. - hmm cute, cute. - okay mom, i will, but i sure hope i don't get into trouble. that heckendorn can turn out to be a very valuable client. i'll go tell barbs. - oh davey. - what? - how about a peek at the picture? . - let me be the judge of that. - okay. (water gushing)

- the greek grotto? wow! (traditional music) - cindy, stop that. now, where'd you learn how to do this? stop that! where'd you learn to do that? - but, daddy!

- it's a place. - do you know what kind of place? - a very nice place. nancy gordon won a belly dancing contest there. (audience laughing) - place like that ought to be closed. - dave, nancy gordon is only six years old. - six years old? - that's what i call talent. - honey, they allowed children in there. - well, which proves it must be a very respectable place. - cindy, would you go upstairs for just a minute? - gee! (exotic music) - oh, that's interesting! - yeah, interesting? - yes, it's part of the greek culture. - what do you know about greek culture? - dating from the age of paraclete's, when the greek culture was at its zenith, boasting as such greats as anaxagoras. the fellow who traveled from sparta to athens and founded the first school of philosophy. - that's enough. - and, he taught socrates, who is the fellow who got in that political involvement and had to take hemlock, you remember that. - oh, good god, i'll never forget it. - who taught plato, who had a school called, the academy, cos it was founded in a grub of wood called the academus, - good, that's fine.

school, - that's enough honey. - named so because he taught while he was walking. - yeah, good. - then, there were the - that's enough, honey! - now, the sculptors - never mind! phi beta tau, i know a little greek myself. - the greek festivals were - never mind, honey. i had to go marry a phi beta kappa. (audience laughing) don't you worry, sweetie, you're gonna be just great at the greek grotto tomorrow night. (audience cheering) (lively exotic music) perhaps, you will enter our exotic dance contest, mrs. crabtree? - no mrs. crabtree, we're just here to watch.

- you know, this is a nice room. i think it'd be fun to enter the exotic dance contest. - honey, are you kidding? we shouldn't even be here. did you take a look at that dancer? - mm-hmm, whatever. - whatever? don't you think she was little on the side? - well during the greek festivals-- - oh honey, would you stop with the greek. it's all greek to me. - i'm gonna have a marvelous time. - hello, mr. heckendorn, this is alexander. to close the grotto? he's here. yes, with his wife, i thought you ought to know. oh, absorba is going over to their table. they are very friendly, mr. heckendorn. i think you better come over here right away. yes, thank you. - let me look at you, the son of my old friend, and you, the wife of the son of my old friend.

must have children, you have children? - two. - a boy and a girl. - a boy and a girl! your children are from the wife of the son of my old friend. oh, this is too much. the joy from this heart, to see the son. your father was so good to me, so good he could have been a greek. you know, they tried to close me up and your father, he stopped them. - is that a fact? are still trying to close me up. (laughs loudly) they hired some schmuck lawyer. imagine that foolish man, heckendorn, thinking that a schmuck lawyer could get the best of absorba. - alexis, bring some wine. oh, the wine. 1965, munch, a good man. - mm, that's good, and sweet.

in greece, vavavavoom! you are laughing? your mustache is slipping. everybody who works for me must have a mustache. if they don't have a mustache, i give them one. it's a foolishness. oh, it is time for minerva. you have seen minerva dance? - oh yeah, she was on when we came in. - something eh? a goddess. you order something, and, you excuse me, (drum rolls) ladies and gentlemen, friends, customers, admirers of the greek culture. in honor of the son of my old friend, david crabtree, it gives me great pleasure to present for your enjoyment, our own, our very own greek goddess, minerva!

(exotic music)

- honey, we can't eat here, it's unethical. - what do you mean? - absorba is the defendant, i represent the plaintiff. it's already winey, cos of everything. first you know, you wanna pick up the pad. it's like a bribe. - oh that's silly. - i can't help, but boy, the more i think of it the more i get scared. - scared? about what? nds out i'm in here, he can have me disbarred. - where is he? where is he? i don't see him. - wait til the lights come up. - oh, if he's here, i'll make an example of him. - he's here, he's here. - hmm. - dave, what are you gonna eat? - i'll have minerva wrapped in grape leaves. - what?

e eat? (audience applauding) - there he is. - where? - wait til the audience sits down. - you like? you like the marvelous minerva? - oh, she's lovely. - and you, mr. crabtree, you like? - well she. very very exciting. that's where she takes off her veil. - she what? - and she is revealed from head to toe, in all her glory, wrapped in grape leaves. (laughs loudly) - but, i don't see him. - and now, i will order for you. - what are you gonna order, mr. absorba? - what difference does it make?

- quick, to the back, we gotta find a way out. - are you sure there is a back door? - don't ask questions, just crawl. heckendorn sees me, i'm sucked. - you take the left, i'll take the right. quick, how i get out of here? - through the front, there is no back. - i'll give you $5 for your mustache. - oh, how do i get out of here? - right this way, deary. don't be shy, you got a lovely figure. come on, i'll show you the dressing room. - $5 for your coat.

- no. - be a good greek. - no, absorba would not allow me to work without my coat. - i'll give you $15 for your coat, you can hide here in the kitchen. - but my tips? - i'll split all the tips i get with you. - oh, that's a good deal. - i don't understand, he was here with his wife. - well, that's the only way out, isn't it? - yes, but they did not leave. look, let us sit down here and wait. - i didn't see you. - oh, you fool! - i'm sorry, mr. heckendorn. - you fool!

- very good, girls. now, just don't get nervous. remember, this is a dance contest, you're not pro's, so just sway with the music. that's all and may the best man win. - i told you, you almost got me bounced. - we'll clean you up in no time. - we leave and cook at eight to five. you better mix up another batch of baklava. - okay, okay. - yeah. and, clean up a stew batch. - okay, make another batch of soup and clean up the baklava. - right. what? - go, go, go. - your coat's pretty good now, it's just the pants. - if i could got my hands on that waiter, i'd have strangled him.

get to work! we'll fix you right away, you look pretty good now. - stupid waiter. where's my coat? - did you see the gentleman's coat? - no. - who are you? - ahh! - hey, come here, kid. let me fix that for you, attagirl. how dare you! - barbs? - dave? - honey, you can't go out there, heckendorn will see you. - come on, kid. they're waiting for ya. (comedic music) - that chef looked familiar. - everybody looks the same in this humiliating place.

(drum rolls) - good evening ladies and gentlemen. the greek grotto, stanislaus absorba, proprietor, is happy to present the amateur exotic dance contest, with five of the most beautiful... do not be nervous, i mean six of the most beautiful, charming females ever assembled under one roof. this is only fair, since i am the owner of this joint. also, because i understand the greek culture. okay, start the music and may the best man win. on your mark, get set, go!

- oh dear, i'm looking for my husband, mr. henry heckendorn. - henry heckendorn, here? (laughs loudly) look around, look around all you like, but you will never find him here.

- keep it up, honey, you're doing great. - dave? - you think that you're the only one who knows about greek culture, huh? check this out. ha? how about that? autiful, wonderful! - not bad, let's see you do this one. - only a greek girl could move like that.

- jealous. - that's the chef. - the waiter? - a greek girl with a mustache? possible. - the veil, the veil! - pretty sexy, huh? - your mustache is out. - sir, excuse me. could you please page my husband, henry heckendorn? - who? - henry heckendorn. - mrs. heckendorn! - mrs. crabtree! - mrs. heckendorn. - mr. crabtree! - honey, your slip is showing. - crabtree? - this is a beautiful joke, is it? - crabtree! crabtree!

- i suggest you better get dressed first. agnes? - water, water. - stand back! give her some air! hand me that decanter of water. - that's not-- - haven't you done enough for one night? - wait-- - crabtree, i'll have you disbarred for this! - sir, that's not-- - agnes, drink some of this water, it'll make you feel better. - quick, stop the music. the lady's about to blast off! - feeling better, i guess? - vavavavoom!

- agnes, you stop that! - oh, henry, this greek culture really swing! - well, well, well. if it is not my old friend,

- a good idea! according to your thinking, she is giving my place a bad name! - are you threatening me, absorba? - and, that's another good idea! - listen, i have the best idea of all. why don't we settle this thing right here now, out of court. - you are about as out of court as you can get. - yeah. mr. heckendorn, as your lawyer, i advise you to withdraw your complaint. absorba, i advice you to forget everything that happened here tonight. - okay, i forget everything that happened here tonight. - good! the greek grotto is a place for peace and culture. you come here not to fight, but to enjoy. except your wife, she enjoys too much. - must be that greek water. (laughs loudly) - mr. heckendorn, positively, your wife is the winner of the exotic dance contest.

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didn't even know it. - but, what was she doing there, in the first place? - are you ready? she came in to get a dime for the parking meter. - i've heard of ten cents a dance, but this is ridiculous. - oh, now what? heckendorn. - crabtree! - yes? - crabtree, i wanna thank you. - me? - last night, i saw the light. i was a mean, narrow-minded, old fuddy-duddy. - oh, you weren't so mean. except for the mustache! - i'm certainly glad you're not mad. - mad? i'm the happiest man in the world! send me a bill, crabtree, i'll pay it whatever it is. you got yourself a new client and i got myself a new lawyer. best of all, i practically got a new wife. hang on, agnes.

(lullaby music) - [gladys] dave. davey. davey, wake up. we're home. (gladys rattling) (gladys hissing) (gladys rustling) - oh, boy. i must've dozed off for a second. - [gladys] mm-hmm, some second. you dozed off on the freeway. that was 13 miles back. davey, you've got to ease off. you can't keep working 12 to 14 hours a day. - you're right, mama. i can't go on like this. i just can't stay awake. - [gladys] yes, well tomorrow you'll be a success.

- you're going to go to sleep and you're gonna sleep for nine whole hours. - oh, yeah. did you set the alarm? - i certainly did, right on "silent." - groovy. goodnight, honey. - goodnight, davey. (soft playful music) goodnight again, dave. (lullaby music) (dramatic music) - oh, boy. i forgot to tell mom goodnight. (groans) (jaunty music) - dave? dave?

- i forgot to tell you goodnight. - [gladys] goodnight, darling. - if i don't tell you goodnight i feel guilty and have nightmares. - [gladys] oh, yes, i know what you mean. i had a nightmare just the other night. - really? - [gladys] i dreamt i was an edsel. (dave laughs weakly) david, dear, you better get back. barbara will get suspicious. we don't want her to catch us talking. (jaunty music) (mysterious music) rry about barbara. she hasn't the faintest idea of what goes on between you and me. - [gladys] just the same, let's not take any chances. - another woman. david! - barbara. - [gladys] well, shut my mouth. - mom. - mom? - [gladys] i'm not talking. (dramatic music)

it isn't so. - [dave] honey. honey. - [dave] would you listen? - [barbara] i didn't see it. - [dave] that's right, you didn't see it. - [barbara] i didn't hear it. - [dave] you didn't see it. - [barbara] i heard it! - you heard it. you probably-- - [barbara] and you were talking to this car

g. - [barbara] it's a trick. that's what it is. it's a trick! it's no trick! - it is, it's not a trick. - you mom? - right. (dramatic staccato music) - it is so. - it is so. - i heard it. - that's right, you heard it. - this is your mother come back from the beyond as a car? - right. - and it talks? - regular words. - that's what i'm being asked to believe. right? - [gladys] that's right. hello, barbara, dear. - now do you believe? - sure. yeah, that's logical. that makes sense. i believe it. (comically suspenseful music) (comically suspenseful music) dave, why didn't you tell me about this? - honey, i tried to. don't you remember the first day i brought the porter home? i tried to tell you then it was my mother. you didn't believe me. - [gladys] well, it's really my fault, barbara. i thought it would be better

- [gladys] call me "mom." - mom. - oh, gee, this is great. now we're one big happy family. - [gladys] at last, i'm able to talk to you, barbara. - hey, what do you say we all go to bed and sleep till noon, huh? - [gladys] yes, but listen you two. we have to be careful. no one else must find out. i mean about me. we keep it our secret, right? - right. - right. - right. - right. - what are you kids doing up so early? - listenin' to you talking to this car. d sit in grandma's lap. - daddy, where do we sit, on grandma's front lap or back lap? - never mind, just say hello. - hello, grandma. - hi, grandma. - [gladys] oh, at last, my very own grandchildren. i'm all choked up. - now, listen. you kids know what a secret is, don't you? grandma is a secret. - a 4-cylinder secret. - we shouldn't let anyone else know? - not anybody. it's a secret just between the five of us. (dog barks) - the six of us.

- moon, button your lip. this is a secret. - [gladys] oh, that's all right. who'd believe a talking dog? - dad, may i ask grandma a question? - sure, randy. go ahead. - grandma, what kind of car was grandpa? - (chuckles) oh, randy, that's silly. what do you say we wrap it up and go to bed? goodnight, mom. - goodnight, mother. - goodnight, grandma. - goodnight, grandma. - [gladys] oh, it's been quite a night. (low music) - i'm gonna have some coffee. can i offer you some? - [gladys] no, dear. ight oil on ice? - mother, you're one in a million. - [gladys] i think you can get better odds than that if you ask around. - listen, now that we're speaking, there is something i must ask you. - [gladys] ask. - well, dave always raves about your buttermilk pancakes. what's the secret? - [gladys] no buttermilk. (audience laughing) - in buttermilk pancakes, no buttermilk? - [gladys] that's right. now, here's the recipe-- - a talking car, wowee! - see? where's my quarter?

e quarter that car better do some more talking. - go home, kelly. and you two blabbermouths, - [kelly] mom, come here! - [barbara] get upstairs to your bedroom! - [kelly] the talking car-- - [barbara] i'll get you, kelly! (comical music) - the car talks, huh? you called me over here to tell me that car talks? oh, wait till i get you home! (audience laughing) (light suspenseful music) - yeah. the porter in the kitchen, how'd you get in here? - would you believe it turned left at the living room couch? - no. - would you believe the chair? - no. - no, i didn't think so. - i mean, who puts a car in their kitchen? - it talks, mom. it tells how to make pancakes. - will you stop with those wild stories?

- [cindy and randy] we're already upstairs in our beds. - you are acting strangely, barbara. (sneezes) - [gladys] gesundheit, andrea. - the car does talk. - see, mom? i told ya. - andrea, let me introduce my mother-in-law. - [gladys] pleased to meet you. - oh, likewise, i'm sure. - "wait till i tell philip"? - yeah. - andrea, i know you've got a big mouth. - i got a what? - a big mouth, andrea, that's what you've got. - okay, so it's not small. - it's not small, it's big, andrea, but you're a good friend and you've got to promise me you won't tell anybody about this. - okay, i got a big mouth, but when i make a promise i keep it. right? - [barbara] i hope so. - [andrea] and i promise not to anyone that your mother-in-law's a talking car. - i am very relieved! - okay, while you're being relieved, may i remind you that kelly, daughter of "big mouth" is out and your secret is being told all over the neighborhood.

- dave, i'm really sorry. it's all my fault. - putting mom in the kitchen yesterday was a bad idea. it was gonna cause talk, i knew. - i just wasn't thinking. - oh, don't worry, honey. so far nothing has happened. of course, the newpaper's printed it. i always knew that would cause trouble. - yeah. - but it hasn't. the way it turns out, people could care less. i guess they had more on their minds than talking cars. - you really think so? - well, no one's knocking our door down. (banging) - [man in tan] here he is. - [voiceover] there he is! e car could talk, mr. crabtree. tell us. tell us, when did you first hear it? (mob shouting) - [dave] one at a time! (mob shouting) one at a time, please! (mob shouting) - mr. crabtree, when did you first discover that your car could talk? - no comment. - [female reporter] oh, that's the wrong attitude, mr. crabtree. - [brunette man] mr. crabtree. - no comment. - mr. crabtree. - [female reporter] but you do admit your car can talk, mr. crabtree? - no comment. - [brunette man] mr. crabtree. - what do you want!? - i'm a television producer and i'd like to star your car in a series. - oh, that's ridiculous. (female reporter whispering) - mr. crabtree, if you'll just put these earphones on, david brinkley wants to talk to you.

david brinkley. (laughing) hi. hi, dave. (chuckles) (stammers) no. i'm sorry, no comment. you certainly don't talk like that on the air, mister. well, yeah. well, the same to you! well, you can tell chet you oughta all smile more often! - [female reporter] mr. crabtree! mr. crabtree! where is your car? - it's out in the garage and that's where it's gonna stay! - garage! garage! (mob shouting) (mob shouting) - [gladys] "disappear," he says. (mob shouting) (banging) (mob shouting) (crashing) (mob shouting) - [dave] hey, now, what's goin' on? wait a minute. just a second. wait a minute. (mob shouting) fellas, what's goin' on in here? (mob shouting) (mob shouting) i don't know about it! (mob shouting) - hey! hold it a minute! hold it! we all want the same answer to one question, so if you keep quiet, i'll ask it. - mr. crabtree, about-- - no television show! (audience laughing)

- did you hear that? - [voiceover] a talking car. - [female reporter] i want a souvenir! - [voiceover] yeah, souvenirs! - [gladys] wait! oh, no! help! (mob shouting) help, please. please. please! (mob shouting) stop, stop! don't take that! no, no! stop! (mob shouting and cheering) - [dave] put that down! put those down! (dog barking) come on, put all that stuff down. all of you, get the hell out of here! come on. hurry up, will ya? (dog barking) out, out. - [cindy] nothin' to do with you! (mob voices dissipating) - mr. crabtree-- - would you get out of here! bye, for goodness sake. good day and goodbye. nice to see ya. (door thuds) of all the silly... - [gladys] you don't know the half of it.

it's as if the whole world has suddenly gone mad. - i don't know anything more that could possibly happen. - so it talks, eh?

- knock. (audience laughing) (comical music) mrs. crabtree, you are a vision. trings attached. - strings? attached? (dramatic music) funny? - no. - well, a person can only do his best. - manzini, would you get outta here? - now, take it easy, crabtree. suddenly i understand you. - oh, he understand you. dave, doesn't that make your day? - whoopee. - (chuckles) isn't she sweet? but it's true. manzini does understand you. before, when you refused to sell me the porter i thought it was because you were stupid. - and now that you've read the papers?

for the porter that it was your mother. - and now that you know that it's my mother? - how does $1,750 sound? (audience laughing) - mazini, what kind of a person would get rid of his own mother? don't answer that. - [manzini] me. - [dave] you. right. - hey, listen, at the age of 10 i fired my mother for insubordination. - if you'd have waited a year she'd have quit. (laughing) thank you, honey. - $2,000. - no. - you won't change your mind, right? - right. - what say you, dear lady? - out. - you heard her, manzini. out. - nope. - that's exactly what i thought you'd say. well, hear this. who needs you? from now on, i'll deal directly with the principal. i'm going to take it up with your mother in person. - well, that is a beautiful idea, manzini. be my guest. - thank you, crabtree. - you're welcome. - better start looking for another mother. - i don't think that'll be necessary. - arrivederci, buddy. (audience laughing) - [gladys] not another step, manzini.

you wanna get bumped off and i've got just the bumper to do it. - peace, dear lady. dear lady, i know exactly how you feel and you're right. - [gladys] if i was willing to risk a dented fender i'd run you right out of here right now! - (clears throat) dear lady, in your dazzling headlights i must seem a villain. - [gladys] try "ratfink." - as you wish. "ratfink." you also probably think i'm selfish. - [gladys] also tyrannical, unethical, immoral, conceited, conniving, disreputable, overbearing, deceitful, dishonest, - i am. i am all those things. but did you ever wonder why? - [gladys] because it becomes you. - hardly. because i was the only one to find beauty in a 1928 porter. sure, now everyone knows you can talk, the world is at your tires. who but manzini noticed you before? who but manzini wanted you?

- so who but manzini should paint your portrait so that you will be seen in every great museum in the world? - [gladys] paint my portrait? who would wanna look at a painting of an old car? - whosoever loveth beauty. between my talent and your good looks, we'll make the world forget danesburrow's mona lisa. - [gladys] that's "da vinci's mona lisa." - see? i forgot already. (laughs) - why not? - [gladys] move to my right profile. that way you'll get the true beauty of my original chrome. - you're right. (laughs) wonderful. dear lady, could you open your front door? that's right. no, not that far. just back a little. beautiful. fine. you're a magnificent model. - [gladys] and i can hold this pose as long as you want. - a perfect model. - [gladys] (giggles) oh, captain. oh, i can't wait to see it.

in my size. - [manzini] you are the only beauty worthy of my talent. the public will stand in line for hours for one look at your gorgeous frame, the gentle curve of your fenders, the perfect simplicity of your classy chassis, your frivolous mudguards, your, your... - [gladys] my stylish hood, my windswept grill. - you are dazzling. - [gladys] true, true. - we're in big trouble. - biggest. - but i think i've got a plan. are you interested? - you kidding? i'm desperate. my outfit from the costume ball? what's that for? - who's running this plan? - you are. - well, then come inside fast. - okay, but i sure hope you know what you're doing. - what? - i said, "i sure hope you know what you're doing." - well, one of us better. - [dave] what?

- [manzini] ah. finito. (laughs) i'll never use these brushes again. (manzini sobs) - [gladys] what's the matter? - beauty always affects me this way. - [gladys] let me see it. i can't wait. - feast your sealed beams on this, your own beauty. what do you think of this? - [gladys] and they talk about modern styling. manzini, you've done it. i am beautiful. i shall title it "venus de porter in repose, "manzini '66 a.d." - [gladys] a.d.? - artist deluxe. - [gladys] this will be on display in museums all over the world? - yes, yes. yes. (audience laughs) no. no.

- [gladys] manzini, don't. don't! oh! why did you do that? my beautiful picture... - it's not worthy of you, my proud beauty. oh, i can't do you justice with mere paint and brush. - [gladys] but my public! what about them? - they must see you in the steel! oh, come fly with me, my proud beauty. oh, in my private air-conditioned plane i will arrange for us to have mechanics there night and day. they will take care of your every need. oh, you'll fly like a queen. first class. - [gladys] private plane, mechanics, air-conditioned, all for me. manzini, is that any way to run an airline? - you bet it is. (laughing) oh, i will arrange a lecture tour. world leaders will come and they will sit at your hubcaps. a league of nations will honor you. - [gladys] now, that's "united nations."

say goodbye to dave and barbara. - keep presidents and kings waiting? oh, no, no, no. i'll go get a cab, you powder your emblem. - [gladys] no, no, wait. i can't fit into a cab. i'll drive you myself. - good idea. we'll save on the fare. (gladys' enigine rumbling) - hault-o! hault-o! - [manzini] outta the way, desert rat! we're in a hurry! - i have traveled low these many miles. - [manzini] well, stand up straight and move out. let's go. (comical music) - what, what is all that "something for nothing"? - [gladys] but manzini, presidents and kings await me. - they'll await a little a-longer. now what's this about "something for nothing" jazz? - manzini? you are called by the name manzini? - yes, i'm manzini. of course i'm manzini. here's my card. see? it's engraved. manzini, that's me. - [dave] then you are the one. - well, what have you got for me?

oh, you wouldn't be putting manzini on, would ya, desert buddy? 1908 marmons are supposed to be extinct! - [gladys] manzini, my public, the mu-- - will you hold your horse power? excuse me. now tell me, what about this 1908 marmon? - it was covered by the great sandstorm of 1908 and then uncovered again by the even greater sandstorm of 1965. - yes, yes. - a wise man of the dunes checked the registration and found that it belonged to your great forebearer, speed manzini. - but it is unfortunate you will not be able to own this treasured 1908 marmon. - i must have it. i must have it. - an even greater wise man of the dunes checked the weather report and found that you must pick it up by tomorrow. - why tomorrow? - tomorrow it is to be covered by the great-granddaddy of all sandstorms, the great, great sandstorm of 1966. - yeah? - oh, yeah. (audience laughs)

ane at my disposal. - [gladys] that's our plane. - shut up. you talk too much. now, thank you very much, sheik. i'll leave immediately. where do i go? - take a plane to cairo. - cairo. - turn right at the first camel. - camel. - walk a mile. - a mile. - you will come upon a great wise man. - [gladys] what about me? - [manzini] what about you? what about you? you stay here. a mother's place is with her son. (laughs) thanks very much. (coughs) mother of pearl. taxi! taxi! it's me, mom. i had to prove to you that manzini was still a rat. - [gladys] david, i could spank you. manzini was going to make me world famous and you've ruined everything. i'm going after him. - mom, you can't do that. - [gladys] stand aside. get out of my way. captain manzini, wait! wait for me! the sheik is a fake! - mom, you'll go after manzini over my dead body. - [gladys] if that's what my son wants it's good enough for me.

- dave. dave, wake up. (dave screaming) (gasping) - oh, boy, did i have a nightmare. it was-- - so real? - yeah. - they usually are. - (whistles) well, you wouldn't believe what happened. (whistles) okay. goodnight, honey. (dramatic music) - dave, i hate to disturb you, but wouldn't you - oh, yeah. (twangy suspenseful music) i am the wise man of the... (laughs) dumb manzini sure is gullible. (laughing)

- dave, it's 3 o'clock in the morning. will you laugh tomorrow in your office, huh? - okay, honey. (laughing) oh, me. oh, my gosh. i forgot to tell mom goodnight. (jaunty music) - dave? dave? (jaunty music) - [gladys] david, why aren't you asleep? - i was, but i came down to say goodnight. - [gladys] goodnight already. - if i don't say goodnight to you, i feel guilty and have nightmares. - [gladys] i know what you mean. i had a nightmare just the other night. i dreamt i was an edsel. (dave laughs weakly) - that sounds familiar.

your insurance company won't replace the full value of your totaled new car. - [gladys] david, you better get back. the guy says you picked the wrong insurance plan. no, i picked the wrong insurance company. with liberty mutual new car replacement?, you won't have to worry about replacing your car because you'll get the full value back including depreciation. make the switch to liberty mutual and see why we've been awarded highest in call for a free quote today. liberty stands with you?. liberty mutual insurance. barbara will get suspicious. we don't want her to catch us talking. - don't worry about barbara. she hasn't the faintest idea of what goes on between you and me. (audience laughs)

? it's about time ? it's about space ? about two men in the strangest place ? it's about time ? it's about flight ? travelin' faster than the speed of light ? here is their tale ? of the brave crew ? as through the barrier of time they flew ? past the fighting minutemen ? past an armored knight ? past a roman warrior ? to this ancient site ? it's about caves cavemen too ? about a time when the earth was new ? wait 'til they see ? what is in sight ? is it good luck or it goodnight ? it's about two astronauts