? losing track of the days ? never getting caught up ? love was never brought up ? it's not the thing to do ? ooh ooh it was you ? then came you ? you made me leap without taking a look me you ? it was you and me and you ? it was you and me

- okay webster long, if you got in here there must be a way out.

screams) where am i? ma'am, george?! (ominous music)

t the window huh? hello? hello? well i guess you wanna be alone. okay. i can't open the door. miss? miss? (creaking) maybe that's not the best thing to think about right now. (audience laughs) ma'am?

george?! (loud banging) - web! you here!? okay, he's gotta be with a friend. raymond, marvin, curtis. what's the difference, the phone's dead. darn this blizzard. this isn't the first time he's disappeared in this house! web! web! webster! his snow suit.

web! - george?! - web? - [webster] george! - web! - george i don't know where i am! - did you touch anything?! - [webster] the bookcase. - just the bookcase? but anything in particular? - i don't know?! - well, don't worry about it, i'll get you out of here. - hurry george it's getting cold in here. - cold. 3rd down and two. (triumphant music) chicago bears against the baltimore colts! middle of december (audience laughs) johnny unitus hands the ball off to alan the horse ameche. where does he go? the middle of the line. who's there? papadapolis, papadapolis! he (screams). - [webster] george! - web, oh web! - george! - web! - so now we're both stuck in here right?

se, kids get stuck, grown ups never get stuck. grown ups are always, always organized. always calm and collected. we know what we're doing. katherine! - george! webster! anybody home! oh. maybe webster's with a friend. what's the difference, the phone is dead. damn this blizzard. wait a minute calder-young papadapolis. maybe webster's still here somewhere. this isn't the first time he's disappeared in this house.

- george, it's no use. unless someone comes to the attic, we're dead meat! - we're not dead meat. let's just change the subject okay. so what do you got in the memento box? - you know, stuff. - oh, a picture of your dad. i took that picture you know? - really?! - yup, a week before you were born. - tell me how i got born. - please george, please! tell me about when you and dadddy were waiting for me! - that's a good story. - what's the matter with you, you sick or something? - i'm having a baby you idiot. - oh i'm sorry, i thought my wife was having a baby. - oh i feel it kicking in there. george, you think it was okay that we took off like that? - they called time out. (audience laughs) - but it's been an hour. - will you relax?! the coach will understand!

hey george, about the baby. - yeah, have you settled on a name yet? - if it's a girl we're gonna name her georgia. - oh that's beautiful, that's just beautiful. and if it's a boy? - webster. - what kind of name is webster? - it's my father's name. - well it's got a good ring to it. (audience laughs) - george, me and gert were talking. and we'd like for you to be our kids godfather. is that okay with you? ith god. - it's great with him. - how 'bout your family? - they're less amused than god is. - 'cause you're black? - no, no, they think it's okay that i'm black. you see they're black too george so it doesn't matter. (audience laughs) - but i'm white. - that bothers them. - oh okay then, why don't you make them the god parents? - okay, listen man, i'm only kidding all right. there's no family on either side. gert's an only child, there is no one else. - well about your brother?

- travis, you think it's okay for a white guy to bring up a black child? - i don't know about that man. but if you're the white guy, and it's my kid in question... why you being so difficult? you want the gig or not? - well i was only thinking about people. you know how people are. - well people are gonna think whatever they wanna think. never gonna change george, not completely. as some kind of social statement, then that's their problem. but i'm not giving you my kid to make a social statement. i'm giving you my kid because... i love you george papadapolis. we have the same values, the same standards. same soul. you're the closest thing to me that i can think of. - georgia. - georgia?

- ohh, a little girl! - travis long. - [both] yeah. - pick one. - him. - that would have been my choice. - hey doc, my wife. - our little girl, is she all right? - everything is great. - everything's great! - only-- - [both] only what?! - [george] wait a minute, only what? - only your daughter is a son. - a son. - we're gonna have a son! (chiming) - you know, the first time you told that story, was the first time ma'am said she'd love me. - well she does you know. - boy. sure hope we see her again someday. - katherine! - web, webster! no he wouldn't be here.

- [george] katherine! - george! - [george] katherine! - george! - katherine! - [katherine] george! - ketherine! - guys, i'd like to get out of here! - well how do i get in to get you out? - all right, the baltimore colts, the chicago bears, third down and one. - george! stop talking in those foreign tongues i don't understand. now just let me try. oh, look at this agatha christie. if anybody can help me she would know how to (screams). - [webster] ma'am, hi ma'am! - hi web. - hi katherine. - hi george. (george gasps) - katherine, you forgot to hold the wall! - you didn't say anything about holding a wall. anyway what's the big deal? let's just get out of here. - you don't understand precious metals we're trapped. - hold this please, and my bracelet.

help!

? i strike a careless pose ? and whistle a happy tune ? so no one ever knows ? i'm afraid ? (everyone whistles) (katherine sobs) - [webster] uh oh. ge. - [geroge] mr. edison will fix that light bulb. - [webster] maybe you should use a chair and a three way frosted bulb. (katherine laughs) - it wasn't very funny web. - oh, i thought it was very amusing. - what's so amusing about this little rascal coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night huh? - i didn't know anything was wrong.

- problem? - no, no, no there's no problem, we just wanted to come in here and say hi. chat a little. - problem. - webster honey. when you came in our room last night, what exactly did you see? - ma'am was laying in bed, and george, you was standing on a chair. (audience laughs) - you were changing the light bulb right? - yeah, yeah, i was changing the light bulb. did you hear that katherine? that's terrific. - yeah, it is terrific since none of the light bulbs were out. - yeah, well that's a good thing to say to me right now at this point. but you know, i like to change light bulbs. i'm not talking about ordinary light bulbs. i'm talking about three way frosteds.

d? (audience laughs) - getting nervous again are we? - problem? - no, there's no problem. just that you saw something you weren't supposed to see. - i did? - no honey, you didn't see anything bad. the human body is beautiful. it's like a work of art. - you mean like the statue we saw at the museum? god gave everyone bodies. and even though they're all different, they're all beautiful. - even when they're naked? - webster, we weren't nay, we weren't nay... we had our birthday suits on. - that was a suit? - no, that was an expression. - do you like getting into your birthday suits together?

when two people care about each other the way george and i do, getting naked-- - katherine. - getting into your birthday suit is a way of showing that you care. you know, it's a way of being close. - that sounds nice. - it is nice.

i thought we handled that pretty well. - pretty well, george, where is your memory? - [webster] sharlene, you're the best science partner i've ever had and my bestest friend. - if we wanna be real bestest friends we have to do something special together. - well, we can do what ma'am and george do when they like each other. - what's that? - they get into their birthday suits. - they do? - they said it's a nice thing to do. and they know everything about everything.

to need a chair and a three way frosted bulb. - that's weird. - you wanna do this thing right or what? - okay okay, come on, we'll go into my room. - this birthday suit stuff is gonna be fun! (doorbell rings) - [irene] coming! katherine, george, - [katherine] hi irene. - [irene] come on in. - sorry we're late, the concert ran a little long. - oh that webster is such a lovely boy. the two of you must be so proud of him. - oh yes, but you know, what are children if not a reflection of ourselves. - true. - yup, the acorn don't fall far from the tree. - and wait til you see how they're playing together. so nicely.

come on. ? happy birthday to you ? happy birthday to you ? - well everything really worked out in the end didn't it? huh, huh?! - yeah, but sharlene's mother was mad. and she didn't get unmad until i asked sharlene to marry me. - yeah, well fortunately she didn't make you you're still a bachelor. - i made you guys go through with your wedding. (katherine laughs) - oh yes katherine. katherine i didn't surprise you didn't i? second wedding! oh darling. well, hello you two. what a great ballgame! katherine get yourself a brew and sit down. - george, what about the wedding?

gs to discuss. - yeah, but what about the wedding? - webster don't worry, everything's okay. go ahead. - you sure? - of course. honk honk. - everything will be okay huh? look at you, not an inkling of remorse. - oh do i sense anger darling? - anger. because my husband gives up his own wedding for a football game and a bottle of beer? - ale. - whatever. i guess i'm just not a romantic guy. - there's a bulletin. - if i were romantic i would have planned something intimate for tonight. like dim lights. ha ha ha. a cozy table for two.

thank you. candlelight. and since we still have a wonderful reception at the trocadero something light, but elegant. like for instance, duck ? l'orange. (audience laughs) and to refresh our palates, some champagne. - and to accompany the intimate ambience of our little tay to tay, some strolling violinists. - george you didn't. (slow paced music)

- where were you? - we've been looking all over the neighborhood for you and here you are waltzing around in my private think tank. - yes, this is where my billy goes to think when he wants to get away from the madding crowd. - yes, sparse, neat, clean. - spooky. - yeah, why didn't you tell us about this place? - well if i did it wouldn't be my private place anymore. - you know he is right. in order for one to keep the private parts of ones house private, one must protect the privacy - thank you for clarifying that. now bill, would you explain please how you got in there? - simple. like this. (loud thuds) - well what about the inside? - ah, more complex! follow me. - oh come on, come on!

- on the inside you kick right here. or maybe here. - bill. - okay, right here. (whimsical music) adios. - awfully sorry you had to spend so much time in this little tiny room. - [jerry] yes, it must have been terrible. - i don't know, i think this room holds some very nice memories. - yeah. - yeah.

captioning made possible by u.s. department of education, phillips petroleum, alcoa foundation coca-cola foundation, rockwell international, and sony corporation ? what would we do, baby ? ? without us ? ? what would we do, baby ? ? without us ? ? and there ain't no nothing ? ? we can't love each other through ? ? without us ?

do you really think he likes me? jennifer, get off the phone. during lunch he caught me looking at him through a piece of swiss cheese. jennifer, that's adorable. get off the phone, or i'll force-feed you the receiver. don't force-feed her the receiver, alex. just kidding, dad. where's your mother? she's upstairs. i'm home. ready to go? i'm coming. think he's too shy to ask me? should i ask him? i'm asking you. please get off the phone! jen... almost finished, dad. anyway, let me tell you everything that happened.

between my work and mom working, we've barely seen each other lately. i hardly remember what she looks like. this is her, dad, the big one. hello. long time no see. ma'am, pleased to make your acquaintance again. has it been five years? it feels like that long. why not mosey over to my lips? i reckon i will. even for you guys, this is embarrassing. let's go, elyse. we don't have much time. you're really taking more baby pictures? it's andy's first sunset. that's right. that's right. he's been talking about it all day. want to come see the sunset? no. i've gone this long without seeing one. aw, listen to him. what does he know? hi.

but he's got a great personality. her style's still not perfect, though. see how she's cradling the receiver? her hand will cramp any minute now. hey, mallory, you're wearing my shirt. i am? yeah. what do you think the "apk" stands for? a pompous klown? hurry up, elyse. we're late. i want that shirt, and, jennifer, i want that phone. my happiness as a woman depends on this phone call. jennifer, your survival as a human being depends on you hanging up. i'll call you back, krissie. did you hear what alex said? i couldn't take it anymore. we have to go. what should i do? should i wait for adam to ask me out, or should i ask him? we'll discuss this later.

we'll see you later. elyse, the sun has already set. stay put. there will be another one tomorrow. gus, elyse and i haven't spent time together lately. i'm taking the morning off to spend it with her. keep an eye on the place. well, let me make it worth your while. i get the phone next! i said i'm next! you did not! see you later, gus. i won't tolerate this when i'm on the phone. sorry, dad. sorry, dad. unacceptable. one time with feeling, say it with me-- sorry, dad. sorry, dad. sorry, dad. i'm taking most of the day off to spend with your mother. it's a surprise for her.

ok, alex? all right. jennifer! you use that phone as long as you want. you got 30 seconds, keaton. hey, morning, mom. hiya. you didn't get much sleep, huh? i heard andrew crying. i slept fine from 3:00 to 3:15. otherwise, i'd be grumpy. sorry i wore your shirt. to make it up, i'm going to wash it. no, no! mallory, no! you don't even know how to use the washing machine. i do so. look, "before using this machine, "make sure it's been grounded to avoid possible electric shock."

where are you going, mom? andrew hasn't been outside for a week. we're taking a walk before dark. but it's 8 a.m. then i have no problem. i want to ask adam, but what if he says no? what if he says yes? your time's up. get off the phone now, or i'll call adam and tell him you like him. i'll call you back, ok, krissie? that was a dirty trick. say, alex. yeah, dad? where's elyse? she just left. what do you mean? she took andrew walking. you can catch them. i can certainly catch him. where is the baby? he's napping. i thought you went walking.

and decided we weren't alert enough to be out. dad went to find you. well, he'll be back. look after andrew, will you? oh, sure. i don't see her out there. she just came back. she's upstairs. tell your dad i've gone up to sleep. he just went upstairs. i'll meet him up there. elyse! i'm getting too old to play these games. i guess i was just in a playful mood. surprise. i'm off till 3:00. today? we could spend a few hours getting reacquainted.

in front of the espositos. that will be fine. who are they? i'm designing their guest house. i'm delivering their plans this afternoon. how about now? we could talk. sweetheart, i've got to sleep. i'll come with you. maybe you'll talk in your sleep. how about tonight? we could get together and go over old times. i can't see any flaws in that plan. i'll see you tonight. i'll call gus, tell him i'm coming in. good luck getting jennifer off the pho--

i'm sorry i scared you. did you think i was somebody else? no. i knew it was you. these are for you. oh, steven. thank you. so how was your day? well, let's see... the espositos decided against a guest house. they want a greenhouse. it seems they have more plants than friends. then i came home, and alex and mallory were still arguing, and jennifer was on this six-hour phonathon with krissie. today's high point was when andrew spit up on me. at least we're alone now. honey, it's so nice to have a quiet moment with you. [telephone rings]

[ring] hello. uh, yes, she is. tell them i'll call tomorrow. krissie, my wife will call you back tomorrow. jennifer, telephone! thanks, mom. krissie talked to adam today. i have to find out if he likes me. can't you find out downstairs? krissie, call me right back. i'm getting a lot of static on this end. thank you. hi. alex and i settled our argument. i washed his shirt, and everything's fine now.

thanks for not bothering us. well, i'll leave you two alone. you'll be able to relax now that alex and i settled our argument. mallory! mal--mallory! what is wrong... with this picture? don't take this the wrong way, but get out of here now. [telephone rings] oh, it's for me! uh, mom, can i take it in here? hi, krissie. he wasn't home? why not? adam galardner's getting braces. ok, that's it! that's it! get out of here!

[baby cries] i'll go. we've been together for a full 15 seconds. we don't want to get into a rut. oh, good. you're done talking. yeah. we're all talked out.

alex. what? look, i ironed your shirt. mallory, look. come here. this can no longer be considered a shirt. at best, it's a flag for some underdeveloped nation. ok, guys. i wrote down the number of the garden restaurant with some others you might need. the olbachs, police department, dr. rappaport,

f you can't reach dr. rappaport. whoa, mom. you look hot. hot's not the word. you're sizzling. maybe we should go before the smoke alarm goes off. oh, bye, mom. bye, dad. andrew still needs medicine before bed. we know. here you go. you be a good boy for your brothers and sisters, ok? good night, baby. oh, oh, good-bye, andrew. your mom i and will be at the garden restaurant. the number is 473-- dad! dad, come on. we'll fill him in. here you go, jennifer. don't take him away yet. he's not going off to jail. i'll give him another hug. hug dad, i'll hug andrew.

ise. i can't believe we're here. i can't either. they're all grown-ups. i never thought i'd be with grown-ups again. it's nice, isn't it? we won't have to tell them to get off the phone. or settle their arguments. they don't need to be burped, either. honey. sorry. it's none of my business. i'm glad we're here, and i'm not worried about andrew. he's over his cold. let's not talk about the baby tonight. let's talk about us. forget we even have a baby. what baby? are you ready to order? oh, yes. i'll have the baby lamb chops, the baby lima beans,

en's menu? we'll have grown-up lamb chops and whatever grown-up food goes with it. right. two orders-- grown-up chops. thank you very much. oh, here. thank you. where were we? i don't remember, but we weren't discussing the baby. no baby talk tonight! i mean, uh... no baby talk tonight. oh! elyse. you are a cutie. hi. hello.

i know. he's coming down with a cold. our son has a cold, too. well, here. let me show you pictures of our boy. there. oh, that's great. oh, he is beautiful. elyse, let's leave these people to their dinner. oh, no. that's fine, really. let me show you pictures of little roger. isn't he here? but he's a little grumpy. he looks much better in the pictures. elyse, remember, we said we wouldn't talk-- you have that picture of andy in the baseball cap? oh, there it is. are you ready to order? no, thanks. we've already ordered. oh. of course. you haven't. sorry. enjoy your dinner. take the pictures. you'll love them. here. look at andy's pictures. oh. ok. sorry, steven.

you've got to control yourself. it's out of my system. well, i hope so. let's just enjoy this time alone together. ok. excuse me. where are you going? to the men's room. i'll be right back. hi, jennifer. it's me. your father. dinner's going fine. thank you. listen...what? i don't care if you're expecting an important call. i won't keep it brief. listen, how's andrew? has he been sneezing at all? you sure? because if his cold's acting up,

no! no, i don't want a free dance lesson! and i'd appreciate it if you wouldn't interrupt my dinner again! i tried to be a nice guy by answering a pay phone, and look what happens. why did you hang up? i'm sorry. did you want a free dance lesson? well, how was andrew? he's fine. elyse, i figured out what went wrong tonight. oh? it's very simple, really. we each have careers which consume lots of our time and energy, and our three children are wonderful, but they're also very loud and demanding. moreover, we have a baby who is very beautiful, but also very loud and demanding and who occupies every last moment of our remaining time and energy. tonight we tried escaping all that.

that's encouraging. but it's true, elyse. we can remove ourselves physically from all this, but not emotionally. this is our life. we're trapped in it. you make it sound like a science fiction film. it's not such a bad life, is it? no. it's a great life. we have to accept the fact that our life has changed, that we're parents. we have fo--four children, and we enjoy it, ll andrew goes to college. i accept that. hi. i apologize for talking on the phone so much lately. it's ok, honey. for some reason, i'm talking about boys a lot more than i used to. we've noticed. it's just a phase. it will pass. [telephone rings]

if it's for me, tell him i'll see him in school. [ring] hello. well, no. no, i'm sorry, adam-- dad, don't! hi, uh, adam? uh, can i call you right back? ok. bye. this is the last phone call i will ever make. thanks. good night. hey, hey. how you doing? oh, not bad. not bad. you guys haven't been able to spend much time together, and we're probably the reason why not. so we just wanted to say we're sorry and, you know, all that stuff.

l that stuff. if andrew cries tonight, we'll take care of it. yeah. yeah. that's right. if andrew cries tonight, mallory will take care of it. right. it's too quiet, steven. oh, come on, elyse. let's enjoy this. this is what we wanted, isn't it? what do you want to do? i don't know. what do you want to do? well, i have a vague recollection of you and me being in bed together. oh, yeah, that. i think i remember. i think we're falling asleep, elyse.

i knew there had to be a catch. i love you. i love you, too, honey.

captioning made possible by u.s. department of education, phillips petroleum, alcoa foundation coca-cola foundation, rockwell international, and sony corporation ? what would we do, baby ? ? without us ? ? what would we do, baby ? ? without us ? ? and there ain't no nothing ? ? we can't love each other through ? ? what would we do, baby ? ? without us ?