thank you doc. we are talking to george burns. rodney dangerfield, michael constantine, and shana alexander will be with us. the special is tomorrow. it's on cbs. it follows bing, doesn't it? >> yes, bing crosby. we made a deal between us. he's not going to fool around with "red rose rag" and i'm not going to touch "white christmas". [ laughter ] >> you mentioned the show. you talk about acting a little bit as you do in your book. you said you didn't find it too difficulty. you just listen and react to what people say. >> i think so. i think it's much tougher to do what we are doing right now, or standing up and doing a monologue. you've got nobody to help you. you're on your own, you know? and you can't do it over. that's it. but when you are doing a movie, you get up and do a scene, if it's no good they do it over, you do it again. and then you've got walter matthau on one side, dick benjamin on the other. >> were there any scenes you had to do, say, more than two or three times? >> not me.

[ applause ] >> i lie a lot. i'm doing another movie. i'm doing a movie with john denver. >> you won't believe the part. i know the part because when i saw you up in las vegas you told me you were doing a movie with john denver, and the part you play, god, is that right? >> yes. it's "oh, god." i'm playing god. you see, in the sunshine boys, i played a character. now i'm playing god, i'm back to george burns again. [ laughter ] >> how are you going to play god and smokci at the same time? >> god doesn't smoke. he doesn't smoke, and it's a very tough kind of a thing. i've got to try to make it believable. i've got to make john denver believe he ran into god. i've got to make the audience believe that too. if i don't do that we've got no show. >> now you are seen as god, right? >> a very very soft god. trying to be believable and believe the words. the words are good. if i can say them and make them believable i think it will work. >> that's a big challenge.

>> sure. >> we dug through some of your old scrapbook here. is this-- yes that's you and gracie. >> yes that's me and that's-- >> was that a publicity ad? >> yes, i look like jerry ford there, don't i? >> yes. [ laughter ] a little bit. >> that was-- we did the college swing. bob hope was in the picture, and betty grable, and jackie coogan. >> here's gracie with w.c. el yes, that was international house.. [ applause ] >> did that take place on an ocean liner? >> yes, international house was on an ocean liner. >> that's the one i was trying to think of the other night. i knew it was a picture with all these stars and took place on a-- >> bill fields came to my house for dinner one night and he said to the driver, "go get me my vest. i forgot my vest." i says, "bill if you're cold, i'll give you my sweater." he said, "no, no, no,

and there's little bottles of gin in each pocket." i said, "you don't have to send home for your vest. i've got a bottle of gin." he said to the bartender, "don't bother." the driver, he said, "don't bother, i've got a new source." >> a new source? [ laughter ] is this the earlier days from the radio show? >> yes, i think so. oh, that was gracie. gracie read the paper, and i said to gracie, "what's today's date?" and she says, "well, i don't know." i says, "well look at the paper." she says, "it won't help. it's yesterday's paper." [ laughter ] >> here's-- >> that's bing. >> bing. >> bing, jack, and myself doing "goldie, fields, and glide." the worst act in show business. [ laughter ] you know, i can go on and tell you about "goldie, fields, and glide" for four or five days, but we won't. this is jack benny

i remember the very first time you did that on television. >> i've got to tell you one story about that. he loved the way he looked and he wouldn't take the dress off. [ laughter ] i said, "jack, take that dress off." he says, "no, no, no, i want to go home and show mary how i look." so two days later i got a call from mary. she said, "look, you're jack's best friend. come over here. if he doesn't take the dress off i'm going to divorce him." [ laughter ] so i went over there and i says, "mary, where's jack?" she says, "he's upstairs shaving his legs again." [ laughter ] >> and this one is-- is this queen elizabeth? >> no, that's the princess. >> princess. >> that's the princess, yes. >> command performance in england? >> i did a command performance for her. a story about that, i went upstairs after the performance and i said, "it's nice to meet you." she wasn't there. the lady waiting says, "i'm not the princess. i'm the lady waiting." i said, "oh, it's nice to meet you too." didn't know what to say,

and we sat and we talked. finally she got up and i thought it was time to leave. so i got up and i says, "well, goodbye." she says, "no, no, no, i'm suppose to leave first." so she left, and i got up again, and the lady waiting says, "no, no, no, i'm suppose to leave first." so she left and i sat there until the lights went out and then the usher came up and said, "you can leave now." [ laughter ] >> protocol, england. i think morty sits over there by the piano. >> you want me to fool around? >> wouldn'u you've got to sing something. [ applause ] >> hello, fellows. doc, it's nice to see you again. can i move this over here? >> right there. anywhere you want. >> okay, let's try "red rose rag." why not, we haven't done that for a long time. [ applause ] [ music ]

where the red roses grow, oh my i want to go. pluck me like a flower, cuddle me an hour, lovie let me learn the red rose rag. red leaves are falling in a rosy romance, bee's hum, come, now's your chance. don't go hunting possums, mingle with the blossoms, in that flowery, bowery dance. oh honeymoon, shine on in june, and hear me croon this lovely tune. trees and bees are sighing and crying, lovie let me learnth that's enough of that. [ applause ] okay, let me give you a little preview of what i'm going to sing tomorrow night on my special. the birds are sweetly singing, the birds are sweetly singing, the birds are sweetly singing, a few bells are ringing,

good. that's my first number. and then for my finish i've got a great number that i think is very very exciting. it was written by norv-- by, what's his first name? hamlisch. >> marvin. >> marvin hamlisch and tim rice. [ music ] like most people everywhere, i've had my wear and tear. ok, that's my closing number. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ music ] >> he is quite a man. last of the breed, right? the book is charming,

or they still love me in altoona!" the special's tomorrow night. rodney dangerfield will be with us, right after this.

[ music ] okay, my next guest loves to perform because he loves audiences. unfortunately, he gets no respect. even his own club in new york, "dangerfield", he gets no respect. so, i see no reason to change that tonight. [ laughter ] rodney dangerfield. [ applause ] [ music ] >> what a crowd, what a crowd. beautiful, beautiful. [ applause ] you know me, i love crowds, you know that. i mean when i was a kid my house was always crowded, always people around. i come for old fashion,

[ laugher ] what a dumb family i've got. last week i looked up my family tree, two dogs were using it. [ laughter ] i don't know. i tell you, lately nothing's going right. you know? i'm gaining weight. i can't stay on a diet. last week i went nuts. i tried the rice diet. you kidding me. between meals, i kept folding my shirts. [ laughter ] i mean i can't relax. you know? having a few drinks. i looked over at the bartender , i said, "surprise me." he showed me a naked picture of my wife. [ laughter ] i tell you, last week was a rough week for me. i broke up with my psychiatrist too last week. he told me i'm going crazy. i said to him, "if you don't mind, i'd like a second opinion." he said, "all right, you are ugly too." [ laughter ] and then he told me to lay on the couch face down.

i tell you, when i was a kid i knew i was ugly. when i was born, the doctor, he smacked my mother. [ laughter ] my old man, he made me feel ugly. on halloween, he sent me out as is. [ laughter ] he did a lot of things, my old man. one year, he tried to make me a poster boy for birth control. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i tell you, i went through a lot of things when i was a kid. the kids all made fun of me. they made fun of my cousin too. they called him, four eyes. later on he got glasses, and then they called him eight eyes. [ laughter ] i tell you, on my block the kids were tough. all over my face i had pimples, and they use to grab me and play connect the dots. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i tell you, sometimes

i mean, i don't get any respect at all. every time i get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me, "basement?" [ laughter ] it's the same thing in my own house, no respect. my boys birthday was last week. we had a party, brought out the cake, the kid blew out all the candles. i said to him, "i hope your wish comes true." he said, "if it does, that's the last time you will watch me blow out candles." [ laughter ] smart kid i've got. my wife, she's no better than the rest of them, my wife. my own wife, how do you think i feel? i mean, she kisses the dog on her lips and she won't drink from my glass. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i tell you, the first time i made love to my wife, that was a beauty too. i got curious. i said to her, "how many guys have been before this?" she looked at me. she said, "not enough to make up for this."

[ music ] great crowd. >> great crowd. >> beautiful people out there. how you been johnny? you all right? >> i'm fine rodney. you told me back in make up you had a cold but it didn't seem to bother you working. >> well a cold always bothers you. no one knows it when you have a ld what do you want to do? a dramatic lecture here on a cold? [ laughter ] i have no cold jokes at all. >> maybe it's the swine flu. >> i got the shot. >> did you? >> oh yes, the doctor gave me the shot back in new york when i was working the club. the club is still there. things are going good. seven years now, dangerfield's. seven years. things are going real good, you know. i finally paid off the ice machine. [ laughter ] real good. it's always nice to come out here. you've got such beautiful girls here in california. >> you like it out in california.

the last one was not even a beautiful girl, she was a fortune teller. she read my palm and asked me for five dollars. then she read my mind, and asked me for fifty dollars. [ laughter ] i tell you what, girls, you better watch yourself johnny. you better watch yourself with girls. >> you bet. >> i met a girl last week, she told me she was scorpio. found out she spent four years under leo. [ laughter ] that's enough about girls. girlle all you hear today is sex. i'll tell you the truth johnny. with sex, i've had it up to here. not lately though, you know. [ laughter ] you've got to count your blessings though, you know. >> yes. >> you've got to count your blessings. i'm doing okay today. i've been broke all my life you know. >> you've got money now. >> i'm doing okay, holding my own, doing all right, you know what i mean. i was a kid that had nothing. i was poor. oh, i was poor when i was a kid, you know. i was so poor, my rich uncle died, and in the will i owed him twenty dollars. [ laughter ]

my uncle, he was a lazy guy though. >> was he now? >> he was so lazy he married a girl that was pregnant. [ laughter ] lazy, lazy. [ applause ] that's too lazy. that's too lazy. >> that is lazy. >> lazy's no good, it's not healthy. and that's the whole thing, health. >> health is important. >> you've got to take care of your health johnny. i'm getting old. i've got to watch myself. really, i'm getting old, and it's so tough when you get old to take care of yourself. i know i'm getting old. the last i played the slot machine. three prunes came up. [ laughter ] >> that's a tip off. what's your doctor friend tell you to do? >> my doctor friend? >> yes. >> we will get to him later on. >> oh, i see. don't want to talk about him now, huh? >> we'll get to the doctor, you know. we've got a few things to say about him too. but the things is, you've got to meet the right people. >> the right people are important. >> i meet the wrong people johnny. always meet the wrong people. last week i met the surgeon general. he offered me a cigarette. [ laughter ]

you mean vinnie boombatz? >> that's the one. >> he keeps away from people. he goes out in his boat alone, stays in his boat, he's always riding in his boat. in fact, his new book is all about boats. >> oh, what's it called? >> great book, great book. it's called, "should a man buy a yacht if his girlfriend laughs at his dingy?" [ laughter ] >> i think i've read that. >> great, great book. it's coming out soon. very funny. i can't relax, that's my trouble. >> really. all tense, huh? >> always tense, can't relax. i've g d i've got a dog. my dog makes me feel like i'm 30. he jumps in my bed and he smells it for an hour before he lays down on it. [ laughter ] i tell you, my dog, i can't figure him out. i took him for a walk the other night. >> yes. >> he did number three. [ laughter ] i don't know, pick the topic johnny. what do you want to talk about? what can i tell you, i've got to relax though. i don't sleep at all lately.

dreams every night. i had a bad dream last night. >> oh, what was that about? >> my dream last night, i took a walk down memory lane, and my wife was working it. [ laughter ] it was a very very bad dream. >> that can make you wake up. >> oh, i woke right up, i tell you. my wife, she drives me nuts anyways. always wants me to take her out to classy restaurants. i don't like it. they are too fancy. you want to go to the men's room, it never says, "men's room." they've got signs like romeo, juliet, anthony, cleopatra. if you don't know your history you'll end up with a kidney condition. [ laughter ] you've got to watch yourself. nobody has it easy in life johnny. >> that's right. >> i talk to people all over the place, nobody. i feel sorry for short people. >> why's that? >> when it rains, they're the last ones to know about. [ laughter ] i tell you, sometimes around short people i get very uncomfortable, very. >> very uncomfortable? >> now the last time i went to a health spa, i was standing there naked, and a very short guy told me i look terrific. [ laughter ] very short guy. >> in the health spa, naked? >> i'm happy he didn't shake hands with me, i tell you.

that was a good line. i wish i had more like that. [ applause ] >> we will be right back,

[ music ] michael constantine, you may well remember, won an emmy for his portrayal of the principal in a television series, "room 222" and he's the star of a new nbc series called, "sirota's court" which has its premier episode tomorrow night at 9:00. which follows don ris, which has its premiere tomorrow night, and mclean stevenson. would you welcome, michael constantine. [ music ] >> i just said when you walked around the corner, it's been a long time. do you? >> yes, i feel great. george burns is who i want to be when i grow up. >> wouldn't you like to be 80

you keep working. >> you were very funny. >> thank you very much. >> i was telling people the story that you told about the guy that kept robbing you. it cracked me up. robbing you and you left a note that said, "don't bother to rob me, i'm here." and the guy robbed you and left a note for you that said. >> well, not exactly. >> how did i get into that? >> now that you opened that, what's the joke? >> well the joke is, i said, now i'll screw it up, watch. [ laughter ] the joke is, when i left i left a note on the front door. i left the radio on, the lights on. the note said, "i'm inside." he came over and i still got robbed. the guy left his own note. he said, "i looked all over for you." [ laughter ] >> i love that story. >> thanks for bringing it up. >> are you looking forward to your opening tomorrow night? >> yes. >> so, you've played a principal, you played clarence darrow, right? >> yes. >> judge sirota in "sirota's court." >> this has to do with night court doesn't it?

which gets all the crazies and the zanies, you know. >> in new york, occasional, it's very interesting. you know, if you're in psychology, a lot of psychology students in new york. colleges go down and sit in night court. i suppose they do it in los angeles also. >> oh yes, it's a cheap date, you know. >> it is. >> people go down and just watch night court. >> the things that pass in front of you. very incredible. >> yes, and we've got them all on this show. i can't believe we are getting away with half of it, but it's zany. it's a c s from "room 222." >> right. >> which was, funny and sometimes serious. this one has little serious moments, but it's got popping overtones. >> right. >> it's just nutty. >> would you ever like to, i said you've played a principal, you've played darrow, an attorney, and now you you are a judge. any of those professions appeal to you if you hadn't become an actor? >> well, actually, before i became an actor,

i really thought, "well, i'm just going to be a bum" because i'd hated every job that i'd ever had. i just couldn't stand them. >> what did you do? for some strange reason i ask this question frequently because i find most actors have had a variety of strange jobs that normally they didn't like. >> well, just before i became an actor, i was the manager of the dairy department in the food fair supermarket in reading, pennsylvania. there were not a lf a buddy and i sat down one night, and i got this light from above that said, "no, i'm not lazy." i don't think anyone is lazy, it's a matter of finding something that you could do for 12 hours and not care how tired you are because you like doing it. i was so naive, i said, my buddy and i talked for three hours and we said, "what do we like?" now not what we've been told we should like.

well, do they really do anything for me? does the smell of flowers really knock me out? no. we went through all that, and it turned out that my things all had to do with some kind of entertainment. so i thought, well, i couldn't even conceive of movies at that time. i thought well, i heard that there's a place called broadway in new york where they do plays, it's not movies. and i was that naive. i didn't know. and i said, "hey, i heard there's a girl that i went to highschool with two years ago who's studying acting well if it's something you can study, it's something you can learn. maybe i can go there and learn that." i was just so naive, and there was a divine providence guiding me, like it guides all fools i guess. the next day i'm walking down the street, and here's the girl that had been studying acting in new york walking down the street. so i said, "hey, who are you studying with in new york?" and she told me, and i went and met her teacher, and that was the beginning. >> see, if you wrote that as a scenario for a movie script, nobody would buy it. >> it would bore the hell

that would never happen. it's a one in a million shot. >> yes. >> so did you first work in the theatre? >> yes, it took me about six years before anybody paid me for acting. i went to the dramatic school and then i went around trying to get work, and i'd do these little off broadway shows. that was before anybody had heard of off broadway. you had to get an agent down in a hermetically sealed casket. you know. nobody even wanted to come to see you in them, they didn't pay you for those. those were free for about six years before i finally got paid for acting. >> i guess that's before equity came in and-- >> no, no, there was equity. i'm not that old john. there was equity, i just couldn't get a job. >> right. so what did you do in the meantime to survive? >> oh, just a host of wonderful jobs, like. >> you must have been an usher. every actor i've met was an usher somewhere in a movie theatre. >> no, i was very big with being a night counterman

and then there was, you work nights a lot as an actor because you want the days free to look for work. but, i remember once i was a-- i worked in a shooting gallery. i was a barker in a shooting gallery on 52nd street and 7th avenue, or broadway, whatever it is in new york, and they had tommy guns. it wasn't just rifles, it was tommy guns. you had more chances to get killed that way standing in front of them. and i'd stand there and say, "here you go, bang, bang, and i did that all day long. >> we are going to show you a short film clip from mike's new show. it debuts tomorrow night on nbc, called, "sirota's court" about some of the wacky things that go on during night court. i guess it will speak for itself. >> yes, i guess. this is not exactly my big scene or anything like that, it just shows you some of the people on the show and some of the nuttiness. wants the monitor here. bob you want to? >> the court calls lv tyrone.

for a second. what kind of person walks around in public like this? [ laughter ] in a mismatched, totally uncoordinated, obviously off the rack outfit. it's incredibly tacky. [ laughter ] >> what's the charge? because if it's creating an eyesore, i'm throwing the case out. [ laughter ] >> want charges your honor? take your pick. we have disturbing the peace, we have vagrancy, we have loitering in a public place, and we have the biggie, of prostitution. ppp. [ laughter ] >> how do you plead mr. tyrone? >> your honor, your honor there's been a great deal of discussion about this man's appearance. but the color of his clothing is not why he's here. it is the color of his skin that has marked him a criminal. if mr. tyrone were a white man,

but mr. tyrone is black. and we've all been conditioned to believe that white is good and black is bad, white is clean, black is dirty. you are married in white, you are buried in black. >> did i hear a not guilty anywhere in there? [ laughter ] >> you most certainly did, your honor. >> good, case is continued. what's the next -- >> oh your honor, we request an immediate trial. tomorrow my client begins a religious retreat. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] is the arresting officer in court? >> yes, right here your honor. >> do you have a report? >> yes your honor. the defendant was observed reconoitering the a level of the bus terminal. and also observed approaching female arrivals in a suggestive manner. he was overheard to mutter such phrases as, "lv is the best. be my baby. and, $50 a trick."

>> are there witnesses in court? >> yes your honor. >> that's him, but he only offered me $20. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> that's a premise that could really work well because you have a gold mine of things to draw on. every experience in life. >> tremendous. i should say that there are a couple of members of our cast, as i said, that was not what you call my big scene, but it gave you a chance on the show. one of the people you didn't see, is an actor named ted ross, who was in the wiz in new york, who got a tony award in the wiz and, and who's wonderful on the show. and owen bush, who you only saw just a little bit. >> i saw fred willard who used to be with the ace trucking company and victor buono, sitting in there. >> yes. >> so good luck with it. >> thank you, very much. >> i look forward to seeing it tomorrow, mike. we will be right back. shana alexander will join us in just a minute.

i'm looking forward to, and i think you will enjoy it, meeting shana alexander. she was a journalist on "life" magazine for 18 years, columnist for "newsweek", and she's a regular speaker on cbs's "60 minutes" every week, and she's written a fascinating account of experiences called, "talking woman". would you welcome please, shana alexander. [ applause ] [ music ] welcome. >> i'm awfully glad to be here. >> i'm glad to have you. i saw you again the other night doing battle at the end of the show with kirkpatrick all the time. have you ever agreed on anything with him? >> well, only off stage. >> i find on of the most fascinating parts of "60 minutes" is when you take an issue each week and go at it from two different directions. this week, i remember you were talking about that strange situation in utah with gilmore. >> yes, he's finally going to get his way. i saw on the headlines tonight. >> you were really kind of against that, because you thought

ke to kill himself if he wants to get himself executed, but i'm not sure that i want to be part of it. you know, i don't want to vote for it. >> didn't you find it rather chilling when that happened, that they had many people who showed up who wanted to be members on that firing squad? >> yes, that's why-- >> that just chills me. >> capital punishment doesn't deter. >> yes, i mean, this may sound weird, but i found that strange that somebody would want to shoot somebody that they didn't even know. >> there's a fellow in texas that would like to get executed on live tv. probably you'll have a number of volunteers coming to this show. that will be something to -- >> what a rating. i'm surprised they haven't tried to make a game show out of that. you, see television, they'll hear that. they'll say, "we will do the electrocution of the week and it will be a daytime game show. [ laughter ] they'll go to a different place. >> only be the first time. you'll get used to it. >> that's right. hey, your book, the title "talking woman" i'm familiar with that term. because that is a show business term really. it has to do mainly with vaudeville or a woman who would have a part, a speaking part. >> well i learned it from george. >> right.

in those days, couldn't open their mouth. >> yes, they were dancers or in the chorus. >> or you threw knives at them, you know, if you were their husband. but if you were a talking woman, you got paid double. >> that's right. >> so i realized i'd been talking all my life on paper, or in radio, and i put it all together in a book. >> many writers i talk with say writing is such a difficult job, sometimes you say it's even kind of anguish to sit down and write. >> i say i almost have terminal writer's block, but the deadline gets me out of it once a week, or once a month. >> how do you, i remember robert benchley's comment once when he was working, which i love. he said he had one of those days where he said he would show up to work at the paper and nothing would happen. he would put the paper in the typewriter, you remember that story i'm sure. >> keep going. >> he would sit there for awhile, and he would type the word, "the" and he would get up and go out with heywood broun and a few of the boys, and he would come back at the end of the day and finish, "hell with it" and go home. [ laughter ] that's all that would come out. don't you have days

and nothing meshes? >> well, i remember the story about oscar wilde. do you remember that one? he worked all day, and he came down at the end of the day and they said, "what did you do today, mr. wilde?" he said, "i put in a comma." the next day, he came down at dinnertime again. they said, "what did you do today?" he said, "i took it out." [ laughter ] >> that's got to be a torturous process. >> awful. >> do you set a certain hour of the day where you will get up? i know some writers will start at like 6:30 in the morning and work all the way through. >> no, i awaken sometime around four, or five, or three, and it starts. it's writing in there, and if i get up and get to the typewriter fast enough, i can get it down before i get nervous. >> do you find that you're a deadline writer? >> yes. >> did you write better sometimes when you were under the pressure? >> i only write when i'm under the pressure. >> isn't that strange? >> yes. >> i have something to do, it's a bad habit, procrastination. i find i have to do something, or if it's a show, then i wait until the last minute to prepare something, it always seems to come out better. because, maybe, it doesn't have time to cool, and you don't have time to look at it too long,

>> i'm working on another book on patty hearst. i'm just coming to the end of it, and now that i'm having fun, going around being in show business, and talking about this book, suddenly patty is sort of coming out of my fingers. >> do you find that's the difference between being a journalist and doing the "60 minutes?" the one is obviously more show business. >> i love being in show business. i finally made it. it took a long time, and i came from that background, but i always was hiding in the wings until. >> i didn't know, freddie came up to me today, we will talk about your dad in a moment, because that's kind of fascinating. i didn't know that he was such a well knowng we will talk about it in a moment. we will be right back. stay with us.

[ music ] we are talking with shana alexander. your dad's name was ager, right? >> yes, it still is. >> well of course it is. >> he's older than george burns. >> really? >> yes, he's 83. he plays golf three days a week. >> and he's a songwriter. >> yes, he's a swell songwriter.

"happy days are here again", "ain't she sweet", "hard hearted hannah", "i'm nobody's baby", "i wonder what's become of sally." those are all big hits. >> good songs. >> i didn't know that. are you still? >> i was born on his birthday, so he wrote "ain't she sweet" for his first born daughter. >> that's about you? >> well, roughly speaking. >> well, that's nice. >> it's contemporary, yes. >> did you ever want to follow in that direction? >> yes, but i couldn't sing. i wrote one piece. i wrote a love song to mth which is in this book. >> you admire martha mitchell. she was kind of a foolish character, or the press made her foolish, but she seems to be one of the people in washington who called long before other people were willing to make it public. >> she was the only one who was telling the truth and they made fun of her. and when they needed somebody to kind of liven up that boring nixon administration in the early months before we knew what crooks they were, they made fun of her. she was a big gag, right? and then suddenly she said,

or how it is, or as it is, whatever the word is. >> right. >> and she said, "they are up to dirty tricks." so they kidnapped her, took her away, they needled her derriere, and they shut her up. but, she's the only one who was telling the truth, and so i wrote a public love song to martha mitchell, and when i sent her an advanced copy, this in "newsweek" magazine, i sent it up when she was barricaded in that apartment on fifth avenue. i went out to lunch, when i came back, there was a message, "martha mitchell called. she liked the piece very much tell you herself, but she never talks to the press." [ laughter ] >> that was kind of tragic in a way, wasn't it? >> yes, it was very tragic because she was very straight, and they would say things about her, like they say that she drank. as if that was proof that you didn't tell the truth. well if you ask any bartender, you can't help from hearing the truth, right? >> right. i would imagine that in washington that's a good source of information, isn't it? restaurants and bars. when you interview people, who would you rather interview? men or women?

because they're more fun to be with than women, or so i used to think. >> yes. >> i get along easily with both. sometimes you hit somebody who is so much like yourself. liv ullmann was an example for me. i went to see her, and when i got home, i played the tape. i found out i had told her the story of my life because she was so sympathetic. >> you got comfortable. >> all you can hear of liv on this tape, it's very funny, she says, "oh, no." >> and you are going on and on about your-- >> "oh dear she says." >> but that's also a great device, isn"t it, for a journalist, is to make the person feel comfortable. because you get a lot of information sometimes that you do not expect to get. >> well sometimes, like the thurber joke, you know, you find out more than you want to know, or then you need to know. but, i'm comfortable with other people and it seems to bounce back. we get on all right. >> you have a chapter in your book

i've always believed, and my wife joanne doesn't particularly go along with it, i've said that i think a good, healthy fight, occasionally, it doesn't mean you battle from the time you get up in the morning, but occasionally, if the fight is fair, i'm not talking about a physical fight, i'm talking about a verbal exchange where you get everything out, is healthy. >> i one time interviewed a fellow, he was a marriage counselor, and he said, "we need more fighting for happier marriages." so i wrote this thing in "life" magazine that the book publishers wanted us to do a book. so we began to put it into a book, and we worked everyday. we started to fight with each other, i started to fight with my husband. i was a non fighter, which is the most, nasty, aggressive thing you can be. >> oh, you mean the cool, detached, and you don't say anything? >> you fall asleep, or you watch television. [ laughter ] >> you say something and you get that kind of, i'm going to my room.

that is the most aggressive thing you can do you see. >> and you store that all up? >> yes. >> so what kind of rules do you have if you have this fighting? >> well, what you try to do, is every so often, sit down. some people make appointments to fight. they sit down, they have a martini, and they have a reasonable, civilized fight. the point is to not hit below the belt, and if you are married to someone, you know where. >> you know all of those little tricks. so, you're just like your mother, so you're just like your father, and you are off into a real-- >> that's right. there's always something and you know it. we had one couple in therapy that. >> ed is laughing. he knows. he's seen me go through some of these battles. >> there were a couple of people in there who hadn't spoken to one another. they were very aggressive non fighters for about a year, almost two years. they had a son. they had dinner together every night at the family dinner table and if it was ever absolutely to talk, he would say, "would you tell your mother that

so he got in therapy and they got the mother and father in, who by the way, slept every night in the same bed and lead what you would call a normal life, but they didn't speak for a year and a half. >> physically they had-- >> physically everything was going, but they wouldn't talk, and they were two very stubborn people. [ laughter ] this is true. >> they may have something there. [ laughter ] once every so often, it's, "hey." [ laughter ] i find that-- that's an extreme case. >> yes it was an extreme case. >> extremely. >> and finally the doctor solved the case. he brought them all into therapy, and about six weeks later, he called me up and says, "finally, they talked." and i said, "which one spoke first?" he says, "the husband." i said, "what did he say?" he says, "i don't want to talk about it." [ laughter ] >> or, "i want a divorce." do you enjoy "60 minutes?" >> i love "60 minutes." >> how do subjects come up in which you are going to-- >> jack and i call one another up.

>> i see. >> people ask me all the time, "do i believe it, what i say?" >> you sound like you do. >> of course i do. i believe it passionately. i'm not sure that he believes. >> he almost sounds like a put on sometimes. >> sometimes. >> so you agree on something in the news. >> we agree to disagree, and then whoever goes first, if i'm on point, i write it out and i call jack up, and through the magic of ma bell, i tell him what i'm going to say so that he can prepare a rebuttal. and then the next week, it turns around. >> and then you speak first >> right. >> that's fascinating. do you think, still touching on watergate, it was an interesting thing in this past election. i'm sure that the people found out that watergate didn't really enter into those elections to any extent whatsoever, that they thought it might, or the aftermath of watergate. do you find it pretty well dead now and people really want to forget and have had it? >> watergate made people very cynical, and so the pollsters, i'm so glad when the pollsters are wrong.

get inside my head. no, but they said people were going to stay home in droves. they didn't stay home in droves, because it wasn't apathy, but it was a kind of cynicism because they'd been lying to us for so long. >> right. >> and so in that sense watergate had an effect i think. >> yes, but i'm with you. it's so nice when all the people showed up. they might of had the same attitude. "i'm going to prove them wrong. i'm going to go vote." let's take a break.

we are back. the book is just out, i guess, recently, right? >> about a couple of weeks. >> it's called "talking woman" and it's filled with all kinds of-- is there anybody you've always wanted to interview that you've never been able to? they said, "absolutely not. we don't want to talk." >> well, you. >> really? >> yes. >> i get reluctant. i really clam up. i don't know what it is. i've been accused of being cold and aloof. >> you told me in between here that you'd been asked to be

>> yes. >> this makes me so nervous i can hardly stand it and "60 minutes" doesn't bother me at all. >> it was very nice. mike wallace called and i said, "i was flattered" and i don't know why, i backed away from it. i think i get too serious sometimes. i get on a show like that and i think if there's anything bad, it's to sit around and talk about comedy, and so forth, and start to discuss it. >> well, you can't talk about comedy and you can't talk about wit. you can't explain it. >> that's right. >> you can just embody it and do it, and that's what you do. >> anyway, i thank you for being here tonight. >> thank you. >> and mike, tomorrow night. "sirota's court" on nbc. >> 9:00. >> rodney, you are going back to your club in new york i assume? >> right. >> good. goodnight. [ music ]

[theme music] ladies and gentlemen. a special word to those of you who have rushed to drive-in theaters to watch this show. please stop sending us your tickets for speeding. unfortunately, we cannot validate them. tonight's narrative is about gangsters, and i thought i'd better test

i would like to play the flight of the bumblebee for you, but we must get on with the show. our story is entitled "the better bargain." and speaking

- king? - yes? - cutter's here again. - well have him come in. - honest boss, is that jerk really an eye? enough to tail anybody. - look, if i want your ideas, i'll ask for them. in the meantime, tell him to come in. - okay boss. - come on in. - how do you do mr. koster? - hello cutter. - well, it certainly is a nice day. - sit down please. - thank you. - my, uh, assistant outside thinks you're the kind of man who isn't bright enough to make a good detective. me? i

- [laughs] yes, indeed i am. - why, you're like a bug in a patch of grass. no one would look at you twice. - absolutely. it helps me in my job. - all right bug, what did you find out on this job? - this is my first report. - let's see it. - oh, it isn't typed out. i'll have to read it to you. my, uh, handwriting isn't very good. - go ahead, shoot. - july 12th, trailed woman to the zoo. in the birdhouse of paradise. - yeah, she likes birds, all right. all kinds. go on. - in front of a cage, she again met the same man that she did yesterday in the bar. about 30, looks like a young professor or executive. dressed conservatively in a dark suit - all right, skip the coat and tie and come to the point. - followed couple out of the zoo to taxi stand. woman got into a cab and drove away. trailed man to hotel lobby but lost him in convention crowd.

half a dozen times with your wife. - doesn't prove my wife's cheating on me! it's just what the law calls circumstantial evidence. - true enough, but uh - why shouldn't a woman half my age have a man as a friend? oh, you think i can't face the truth, huh? - mine is an extremely cynical profession, mr. koster. we always assume the worst. it's refreshing to find a husband who refuses to make two and two add up to five. - now look cutter - now you needn't try to convince me. - what if she has met this man? to the zoo a couple of times? so, she likes birds. what if he did buy her a drink a couple of times? so, she likes a cocktail. if she didn't want to tell me about it, that's her business. isn't it? - yes. - who is he? what's his name? what's he do for a living? - well i wasn't able to find out yesterday when i lost him but uh, believe me, i'll get a line on him the next time they meet. oh uh, you do want me to,

- of course. day and night. - good. - oh, i'm sorry. - come in, marion. meet mr. cutter. - how do you do, mr. cutter? - it's a pleasure, mrs. koster. well, goodbye. - who was that? - oh that's one of my accountants. he's doing the books. - oh, well i hope i'm not interrupting anything. - of course not. you know i'm always happy when you drop in. you - yes? - well, you remember claire bigelow? she was my dearest friend when we were in show business together. - yes, i remember. she married that car dealer in cleveland. - yes, well she's been very lonely since he died and - i didn't know he was dead. when did it happen? - well i thought i told you. two months ago. so, she called me this morning and asked me if i'd come and visit her for the weekend. i said i'd ask you. - well, how long will you be away? - oh, just a couple of days. but if you don't want me to go,

enough money for the trip? - yes, plenty. thank you. aren't you going to kiss me goodbye? i'm only going to be away for two days dear. louis, not so rough! my hat, it cost you $85. - yes. goodbye dear. - goodbye. have a good time in cleveland. wally. - yeah?

- pass the word along i want harry silver to get in touch with me. - harry silver? - yes, harry silver, you dumb ox! harry silver! - well sure but - but what? - but you've never given a job to anyone as big as him. - who said i had a job for him? - don't ya? - maybe, maybe not. but if i do, - how've you been, harry? - not bad, king, not bad at all. - i haven't seen you for a couple of years. where've you been? - here, there. what's on your mind, king? - i might have a job for you. - don't your own boys carry guns anymore? - well, this could be a very special job. i wouldn't trust those morons that work for me [laughs].

- would you? i don't work very often these days but when i do, i come high. - i'll pay you $10,000. - it may go higher. - well what do you mean? $10,000 is a lot of money and to me this is worth - i'm not interested in what it's worth to you, i'm interested in the job. i fix my fee accordingly. it may be more than 10,000, it may be less. i can tell better after i hear what it is. - more than 10,000? - sure, if i think it's worth it. so tell me the story and doc doing an operation. so much for an appendix, so much for an amputation. it'll be a take it or leave it proposition because i never bargain. if you say "harry it's no," that's okay by me. - well i understand your setup but as i say, there is no job yet. - you mean this is just a little social get together? - yes, kind of. you see, i'm not certain yet that i want anything done.

doing the dealing and how the cards are coming up. - usually yes. - well how come this time you goofed? - look harry, let's cut out this shoptalk, shall we? let's have a drink. - all right. - for all i know, there won't be anything for you to do. so, let's just have a friendly little chat, shall we? - fine. you're looking good, king, kept your weight down. - i go to the gym a lot. over the rocks? - yeah. lately? - no, not since i got into real estate, etcetera. - so you're a legitimate businessman. - mm-hmm. yes, now i'm legitimate. since i last saw you, harry, i got married. - heard about it in detroit. - my wife's 25 years old. - no? - yes. i'm twice her age.

- i've given her everything. - you were always generous with young chicks. - [laughs] i made a will and left her all i have- the house, the stocks, the money in the bank. it isn't peanuts, harry, it's millions. she can have anything she wants in the world, except the one thing...another man. - i'm ahead of you now. - well don't be. it might be just a false alarm. you see, it's a matter of geography. - what do you mean? - do you know a detective named cutter? - no, i don't think so. - well it all depends on whether or not cutter's in cleveland. - and if he's not in cleveland? - then i'll have a job for you. - painful or quiet? - that's up to you. you see it's a guy and the dame. - both?

cleveland. - so do i. - you know, king, if by any chance i have to do this job, the fee is going to be higher than you want to pay. - wait a minute, what do you mean? - don't get upset. - well, why are you boosting your prices on me? - because i don't like killing women, and then for doing the job on two people that means a knife, no noise. altogether, for old times sake, i'll let you have both of them dead for a real bargain. bargain? - 20,000. - now i have another reason for hoping that cutter doesn't have bad news for me. - let's hope. you know where to reach me, king. - yes. - so long.

- mr. koster? - yes? - i did what you told me. - what took you so long? she's been home since noon. - mr. koster, your wife's girlfriend's husband - all right, let's have it straight. - well he isn't dead, and your wife didn't go to cleveland. details. - well they aren't pleasant details, mr. koster. - what happened, let's have it! - well she met the same man in a bar on carroll street. i sat in a booth behind them. may i read what they said to each other? i pride myself on total recall. what i am about to read you is their exact conversation. - all right, spill it! - your wife: where will we go? the man: anywhere so long as you are with me, princess. your wife: i love the word princess, the way you say it. the man: but you are a princess in the

fellow, why is he talking that way? - well he's uh, that kind of a man uh, poetic. - poetic? go on. - your wife moved closer to him and now the man says "shelley expressed my feeling better than i can ever hope to " - who's this shelley character? - well he's a famous english poet. he's been dead a hundred years. - oh, well, lucky for him. go on. - so the man quoted to your wife: the fountains mingle with the rivers, the rivers mingle with the oceans - all right, that's enough of that stuff, now get on with it. - well then the man says: am i princess? and your wife says: let's not start that again, darling. - she called him darling? - the man: i'm only human, i've a natural curiosity. you walk into my arms out of the blue like some goddess from a greek myth. - is this fellow a greek? - uh no. he's just being poetical again. shall i go on? the man: why can't i ever know who you are. your wife: if i told you my name you'd know who i was because my father's name

was a junk peddler. - well your, uh, wife was lying. i think that she meant you because uh, well you are famous. - well i'm old enough to be her father, is that it? go on, say it! - your wife: now stop asking questions and take me somewhere where we can be alone. - all right. what's his name? - well he rented a car under the name of kenneth jones, obviously a phony. in my experience, i'd say that he's a teacher of english literature at the state college or something like that. but don't worry, i'll get his name thxt i'll take care of the, the professor myself. here's your fee. there's a $50 tip, now drop the case. - i don't understand. - i said drop the case! - well, aren't you satisfied with my work? - yes, you did fine. i just don't need you anymore, that's

- let me talk to harry silver. harry? king. yeah, i'll pay that 20,000.

- oh hello mr. silver. yes,

in. - i ordered this last week, to surprise my wife. - huh, birds are stupid. - yes. well, i got the report. - what's the story? - guilty. - tough, looks like you're stuck with these birds. work? - tonight. - where will i find them? - i have one of my boys tailing them right now. [phone rings] wait a minute. yes? here? wait downstairs for him. yes. - that was my boy now. seems my wife's paying me a little visit. - i better go. - no, sit down. i want you to meet her so that you know you have the right woman.

was wrong. i was wrong to trust that - louis, darling, i oh, baldy didn't tell me you were busy, i'm sorry. - that's all right, come in, honey. i want you to meet an old friend of mine, harry silver. harry, my wife. - how do you do mr. silver? - i'm very glad to meet you. - louis, what beautiful birds. - you like them? - oh, they're lovely. i love birds. what are you doing with them? - i got them for baldy's kid. - well - i'll wait outside. - no mr. silver, please stay. i'll only be a minute. darling, i was feeling a little blue so i thought i might buy myself something nice. something extra special. - like what? - promise not to scold me? - buy what? - you know that little red sports car, the one we saw? - i remember. - well i know it's awfully expensive but - it's too expensive.

buying a new hat. - i'm sorry. - that's all right. just don't buy it. i got you a new car only a few months ago. - sure. he's really the most generous husband in the world. you're right. it was just an idea. goodbye honey. - bye. - goodbye mr. silver. - oh, goodbye. - no wonder you're crazy about her, she's beautiful. the world. harry? - yeah? - i can't let you kill her. - you've gotten chicken. - i'm crazy about her. - can't blame ya. - i couldn't live without her,

don't care if i change my mind, do you? - nope. i'd hate to take something as warm as that and turn her into something cold and dead. - she's all i have. - what about the guy? - let him have it. - where will i find him? - i'll know by tonight, i'll call you. - okay. - harry? - yeah? - that brings it down to 10,000? - yeah, 10,000. weo king.

- this is louis koster, who's this? look, that red sports car in the window, i want it. well, how much if i pay cash? that's all right. send the papers over to my office and drive the car to my home. yes. good. but i came back to say that i've changed my mind. - about what? - i'm not gonna do it. - what do you mean? - i'm not gonna kill that guy. - why not? - i'm just not in the mood to kill myself. - not in the mood what are you talking about? - it's like the way you see a woman and the way i see one.

appreciate the wonders of a woman. the way she's put together, the way she can love and hate. you think that you can own a woman with money. well it's not enough. you just never learned the secrets of a woman in love. she walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies. - [laughs] so you like poetry too, huh? [laughs] the only two things that a man should die for or live for are a poem or a woman like marion. - like marion? - he shouldn't have told me that you left everything to marion. because instead of just $20,000, i am going to marry a rich widow who loves me. don't try to reach baldy. he's outside

- listen harry - once, centuries ago there was a french hoodlum called fran?ois villon. he was just like me, a no good crook and a killer. but whenever he was in love, he'd turn into a poet. he wrote some great things. just listen to this, king. when death, that cheater of cheats, comes grows near, where are the snows of yesteryear? do you like that, king? - yeah. - good. now i think i'll kill you.

next reel, harry did as he threatened, and marion lived happily ever after. she had a rich, full life. it was too bad harry didn't share it with her. you see, you can't spend money in the gas chamber. after all, murder will out, crime does not pay, virtue is rewarded, and he who laughs last is the sponsor. and now before i return, if you listen closely, you'll hear ours chuckling in the wings.

that was the concluding number on tonight's program. i hope you will find time to join us again next week when we shall relate another saga of suspense and/or mystery. good night.

- hitchcock: oh good evening friends, romans and countrymen. i've just unearthed some items which may be of vast archaeological importance. two fig leaves, and a half eaten apple. tonight's play is not

have a scene in a garden. it is called the rose garden, and is concerned with two elderly sisters in a magnolia scented house in louisiana. it begins in a moment just now please watch this short trailer

- you say you come all the way from new york to see miss julia on business? you sure you ain't got her mixed up? you didn't come to see miss cordelia? - no, who's miss cordelia? - she's miss julia's sister. why she even tells miss julia what to eat for breakfast. that's why i was kind of surprised that miss julia got

- well ms. julia has written a book which my firm is going to publish. as far as i know, it has nothing to do with miss cordelia. - well i declare, a book huh? miss julia never had a chance to say nothin'. i guess she just had to write it down. how soon you reckon i can get ahold of a copy. sure will sell out fast in this town. - oh, we hope to bring it out in the spring. it's so good, we will probably rush it through. - really good, huh? well i'll be. - so there are two miss pickering's hum? - noss for 30 years. then one day about two years ago, gordon welles just walked out and left her. never even took his toothbrush. i guess he couldn't stand it no longer. he only stayed as long as he did on account of miss julia, i shouldn't wonder. - now, how was that? - well he was her beau to start with. then miss cordelia took him away from her. ha, i'll bet there's plenty of times that guy wished he stuck with his first choice. - well, that's interesting.

it could be the house in the book. the perfect setting. - you know i ain't surprised that miss julia's wrote a book. i always thought she had plenty of wheels. she just ain't got what it takes to stand up to mi - two bits. anywhere in town for two bits. - well, only a quarter? - yeah. - i think i'll move down here. there you are thanks. - well thank you. - oh good afternoon, i'd like to see miss - good afternoon. your mr. vinton from new york. - how do you do miss pickering, it's awfully good of you to have - this is miss welles, mr. - thank you barney, that was very helpful but we won't keep you any longer. judson can carry mr. vinton's bag in. miss pickering is my sister. i'm mrs. welles. - oh i beg your pardon.

me to stay here but wouldn't you find it more convenient if i went to a hotel? - no indeed, we wouldn't think of not having our guests in our home. besides, that hotel is a disgrace. why, if they had a fire the only escape would be to come out of the window on a knotted rope. - whereas if they were a fire here, there wouldn't even be a rope. - how do you do mr. vinton? - how do you do miss pickering? - very kind of you to come. - i'm afraid you'll have to take potluck mr. vinton. if i'd known sooner that you were coming, or even that my sister had written a book - well i, i was afraid my sister wouldn't approve mr. vinton. her i was writing it. - well i don't think it's very dignified, julia, for a woman of your background to write one of those sensational mystery stories. - come mr. vinton, i'll show you to your room. julia, tell maisie she can serve dinner in an hour. and tell her to stop

with its carved lions heads. why, i believe this is the room that the room was old. it had been there before they were born and it housed their travesty of a marriage for 30 years. the old massive furniture with its carved lions heads stood as if defying anyone to move it. the fireplace with its white marble facing, black inside with the soot of years, and on the mantle, a porcelain dairy maid had stood since her grandmother's day together with two brass cherubs which had held candles to light her to bed. in a fury, charles turned away. amelia snatched the heavy brass

brought it down upon his head. amelia cordelia. - i hope you like our louisiana coffee mr. vinton. - oh i'm sure i shall. so you haven't read your sister's manuscript, mrs. welles? - i have not. as i told you, i wasn't even informed that she was writing it. - but you, you don't like this sort of story sister. - i don't consider it literature if that's what you mean. and you must have wasted a great deal of time writing it. - but i'm going to be paid for my time. - do you take cream and sugar mr. vinton? - i'll have mine black thank you. - shall i make a great deal of money mr. vinton? - oh i don't know. i think this book's going to sell very well. oh certainly we shan't hesitate to advance you $1000. of course, you'll probably make

pleasant. thank heaven dear mama will never know where it came from. - perhaps she will sister. maybe mama's watching over us in everything we do. - what an interesting house. you have so many beautiful things. those old pistols, why they're, they're works of art. - yes, they belonged to my grandfather. he was forced to use the pistols several times to defend the pickering name. - really? i'm, i'm enchanted to find myself right in the settingyo ever happened to me before. - in the setting? - why yes, this house and all the things in it. why you, you even put me in the murder room mrs. welles, and i'll bet there's a, a stone bench in the garden by the rose bed. - what? - yes, i recognized it at once. you know, authors should always have their murders committed in old houses. the shadows of the past surge forward to lend a doomful atmosphere to the matter in hand. murder most foul. it's most impressive.

thought these things were done by mail. - well i was coming south anyway, and i'd read enough of the book to know we wanted to publish it. as a matter of fact, i finished it on the plane to new orleans. - oh, then you have the manuscript with you. - oh i'm sure he didn't bother to bring it sister. - if he finished it on the plane, it seems likely he still has it with him julia. perhaps i might glance through it when ever you find it convenient to get it out. - but you don't like this kind of writing sister, you said so. - what beautiful roses. are you interested in gardening mrs. welles club. my roses always take first prize. - how very gratifying. you must feel rewarded for all your work. - yes. you've aroused my curiosity mr. vinton. i think i would like to read julia's book. - oh, by all means. but the only copy we have just now is the handwritten original i'm afraid, and we'll probably be working on that most of tomorrow. miss pickering, may i suggest the first thing you buy with the advance on your book is a typewriter, and spare your

[chuckles] no, of course, i'd be delighted to send you a copy as soon as

- sylvia, charles urged, all we have to do is to go away. she doesn't love me, you know that. she'll be furious but we won't be here to see it. you can stay with my aunt therese in new orleans until i get a divorce. i'll meet you there tonight. it was very late when sylvia, almost in a state of shock from anxiety and disappointment stole furtively into the house. she crept up the stairs and into her room without encountering amelia. where was charles? why hadn't he met her in new orleans? much later that night sylvia found herself at the window, half-asleep, pushing it open. the room was hot and stuffy and she leaned out to breathe in the cool night air; and there below her in the garden by the stone bench was

- [humming and singing] - ah, there you are. why i thought your sister was the - well sister enjoys the garden but sister's too busy to work in it. - oh, well i hope they give you credit when the blue ribbons are handed out. - oh, i don't care about that sort of thing. oh, did you want to go in and work on the manuscript? - well, if it's all right with you, we will work out here. - well as you say. - miss pickering, have you thought about what your sister's reaction would be to this book, and possibly local reaction? - yes i have. do you think i ought to withdraw it, not publish it at all? mr. vinton, maybe you're right.

to publish it, or i should never have made a special trip here if we weren't. - oh. of course, it wouldn't be fair to withdraw it now after you've been to all that trouble. it's only just that mr. vinton, to be honest, i never in the world thought anyone would publish it. it was quite a shock. - yes but surely, i mean, you must have thought about what the situation would be if it were accepted? - no i when i actually mailed it, i'd done all i could. it wasn't up to me anymore, it was out of my hands. - miss pickering, i, i don't quite understand what you mean. - well i don't know what there is to understand. i don't know what you're talking about mr. vinton. i thought you wanted to talk about alterations in the manuscript. - yes i do, forgive me. i, i do want to revise a few pages with you if i may. - aw, you forgive me mr. vinton, i'm afraid i'm a little nervous this morning. but, what

are now the night sylvia came back from new orleans, when charles failed to meet her there, a little later on use say she found herself at the window. now what she actually awake or what? - well that was it. she was never conscious of waking, she might have been walking in her sleep. she just found herself there looking out. - and there below was a deep trench which had been dug for compost for sweet peas. she saw amelia struggling with some burden in the wheelbarrow, which trench. but she couldn't tell what it was. - well she couldn't be sure. she, well, then, then she fainted you know. - yes. and as amelia sank down upon the bench, that would be this one wouldn't it? - well it would be one like it. - umm. suddenly sylvia's head

dawn. the trench below was no longer there. rosebushes had been planted in the newly filled in bed. or was it newly filled in? and why roses? could it be so the bed eouldn't be dug up again next year? but amelia - mr. vinton - yeah? - what, well what was it you wanted to ask me? - oh well, well about this really. after seeing amelia dump what looked like a body into the trench, and when charles never isn't sylvia sure it was he? - well she couldn't be positive. might still be a dream. well everything was so queer. and then, next day, amelia said that the rosebushes had been there all the time, planted the day that sylvia went to new orleans. - yes i know but in her own mind, in her heart, wasn't sylvia sure?

yes, i suppose she was. - then why doesn't she go to the police? was it just the prospect of the disgrace, the shame, and notoriety? - well partly, i suppose. mostly because she was a coward. - you mean, she's afraid of amelia? - well not physically perhaps. although it could come to that. she's afraid of her sister's disdain. her contempt. well i, i tried to make it clear. mr. vinton, if you've never been really afraid of another person, you can't understand this. sylvia cannot take this step. she cannot stand up and say i accuse. she's gotta go on day after day pretending that she'll do it tomorrow knowing that she never will. - i see. and yet as a reader, i can't help feeling her sister's power over her exists only in

excuse me please, i, i have to see about lunch. - well, there you are mr. vinton. it's all signed. you have an option on my next three books but i fear i shall never write them. - well let's not be too sure ms. julia, one never knows. - get your hat julia, we'll be late for choir practice. - well sister, i just thought i would go for once. it's mr. nothing these last few weeks. rev. samuels is counting on you. i'm sure mr. vinton doesn't consider himself more important than god. - ha, no, not at all. - get your hat julia, and not that silly thing you bought for easter. - i must thank you mrs. welles for a very pleasant visit. i hope you two ladies will visit new york sometime and let me be the host. - thank you, i doubt that we ever shall. no member of our family has been north for 100

believe. will you be gone long? - oh not long. - we should be gone a good 2 1/2 hours. put your gloves on julia. - well i, i'm sorry mr. vinton. i just hope you won't be too bored. - oh i'll find plenty to do.

- well mr. vinton. - oh mrs. welles. i, i, i, i, i, i was just um - yes? - i must apologize. you see, in fact i, i um um husband's body, is that right? - yes, i'm, i'm afraid i was. - perhaps you'd like to dig a little deeper. - uh, uh, no thank you. - mr. vinton, perhaps it's just as well you've done this. i left choir practice early so i could talk to you in private, and since julia's book has driven you to this extreme, you must see that it's quite out of the question ever to publish it.

huh, it convinced me, and i feel sure your sister believes every word of it. - very probably she does. my sister is a neurotic and disappointed woman with a vivid imagination, and she deeply wishes it were true. - why should she wish a thing like that? - why so that i might appear as the villain, of course, instead of my husband. i wasn't the only one he deserted you know. julia thought she was going away with him but he left her too, and she's never been able to accept that. so, she wrote her own - i see mrs. welles. well i, i feel like a fool. i, i can only apologize. and as to ms. julia's book, well if she wants to withdraw it - you may leave that to me. julia will do as i say. - well i'm sorry to change my mind again mr. vinton but i'm afraid cordelia's right. so, if you're willing to release me

you shamefully i know. - it's quite all right miss julia. please don't give it another thought. well i, i think i'll get along now. there's, there's a late train i believe. - i don't wish to appear inhospitable mr. vinton but perhaps it would be best. - yes. well i'll, i'll walk to the station. i've got plenty of time. goodbye. - goodbye mr. vinton. - well i'm glad you've finally come to your senses. - yes i have. tomorrow no, in the morning, in the morning i'm going to sheriff teble, and i'm going to tell him everything. and he's going to come here, and he's going to dig in the right rose bed, where the bench used to be. - julia!

only i wanted to spare us the humiliation in mr. vinton's presence. - are you out of your mind? you certainly are not going to the sheriff with any such insane accusation. you know perfectly well i won't allow it. - nothing you can do to stop me, i'm not afraid of you anymore. i guess maybe now i'm more afraid of going on being a coward, lying to myself, and to everyone else. - i most certainly can stop you, and i will if you make it necessary. i killed gordon to save us from the scandal of running away with you, and i won't hesitate now. ridiculous sister, why, why you can't kill me and not be found out. - i'll simply say i was cleaning the pistol and it discharged by accident. nobody will suspect me now any more than they did with gordon. - very well then, i guess you gotta kill me because you

welles, or that, you can hardly explain my body too. - what are you doing here, spying on us? - yes as a matter of fact, you see i noticed this pistol was missing. - sneaking back here, prying into our personal affairs. of all the disgraceful, outrageous performances! - sister, sister! - don't you call me sister. - are you all right miss julia? - yes i guess so. - you were grand. you know i really believe you'd have let her shoot you. for once. mr. vinton, you do understand about the book don't ya? i, i just couldn't bear to have anybody read it now. - of course. please don't worry about it. besides, you'll write me another one i'm sure. - well perhaps i will. you know, i've known about all this for two years. they'll probably send me to prison too. maybe i could write it there. - i'm sure they won't but if they do, i shall insist they don't give you time off for

- hitchcock: so much for the literary set. our next item before i return is an answer for those people who keep insisting that all this country needs is a good one-minute

and now we must interrupt our program for a week while we prepare the next play for production. i shall see you then. good night.

- good evening, friends. would you all please examine the tops of your television sets and see if one of you doesn't find a goldfish bowl with a crack in it. thank you. by the way, i've been asked to announce that some of you are missing this program unecessarilly.