mork, where are ya?! are you up-- oh! hi! [ speaking in orkan ] good morning. good morning. are you just getting up now? i've been up for several hours. i had to make my report to orson. oh. all that time, huh? well, they put me on hold. oh. ha ha ha. look, it's snowing outside. shazbat! mayday! mayday! you get under there with the baby! you don't have a baby. too bad. they weren't gonna stop for chicken little, but they're not laughing now. are those suckers gonna make a lot of money off this. i've gotta call him. i've gotta call him. just my luck -- he's unlisted. calm down! it's just snow! it's perfectly harmless. it is? boy, do i feel like a flake. hey, where'd you learn that story about the sky is falling?

if you had heard that all the way through, you would have understood the point. chicken little thought an acorn dropped on his head. because of that, he thought the sky was falling. that means he was gullible. that was the point. oh. therefore, if i think the sky is falling, ipso facto, i am gullible. yeah, i'm afraid so. like yesterday when you heard that tv commercial that said to run out and catch a bus, and you started building a trap. i would've caught one, too. i was gonna use a segregated school as bait. well, i have a surprise for you. oh! surprise, surprise! don't tell me! let me guess! cuff links! come on. you know what's in there. you gave me the money to buy it for you yourself. let's see. let's see. let's -- [ sarcastically ] boy, a coat. just what i've always wanted. oh. come on.

it'll be a whole new experience. come here. i want to show you something. okay. don't be afraid. [ grunts ] look... whoa. it's cold and beautiful. yeah. and not housebroken. ha ha ha ha. dad, dad... he's become very responsible lately. yeah, he was responsible for that. he was responsible for that, too, yeah. now, that wasn't his fault, dad. it was an old cat anyway. [ pounding ] oh, i gotta go. somebody's at the door. okay. okay. yeah, i will. all right. bye-bye. [ pounding ] [ gasps ] mork! oh, what happened?!

dashing through the snow. ooh. come on in. sit down and warm up. shazbat! i'm frigid! [ cracks ] ow! uh! oh! oh! i'm melting. mork, what happened to your new coat? i gave it away. what?! you gave away your brand-new coat?! the man i gave it to didn't have any, and i have two. he gave me a sip out of his paper bag. oh, mork. mork, you shouldn't give away your belongings like that. monty hall does. that's a game show! that man took advantage of your generosity. mork, you've got to learn how to say no. do you understand? no! just practicing. [ doorbell rings ] i'll get it. no! nein! mnh-mnh. no way, baby. not me.

hiya, mister. would you like to buy some cookies? no!! how's that? how could you slam the door on that little girl's face? i didn't want any. mork, nobody wants those cookies, but you don't slam the door on a little girl's face. [ knocking ] okay, buster. r the soft sell. if you don't buy, some sweet little kid doesn't go to camp. namely me. and we don't make diddly on these crackers unless we sell volume. and we need big bucks. am i gettin' through to you, bright eyes? i'll take a box. not good enough. two boxes. that wouldn't buy my sweat socks. [ singsong voice ] mork, don't get carried away.

mork, you let that little girl trick you out of your money. unh-unh, not me. i played a trick on her. i've got a dollar left. shazbat! it's in my new coat. but, seriously, i met a girl today. i'm not gonna say she's incredible, but, you know, yadda yadda. and that was just her head. [ rimshot ] what are you doing? my drum shtick. [stick] well, you can stay here and play the drum if you want, i'm gonna...beat it. humor! ar ar! eenh-eenh, eenh-eenh. i gotta go to the bank, so i'll be back in five minutes. take as long as you want. you're in good hands with orkstate. [allstate] now, that's humor. ar ar ar!

i'll see you later. oh! excuse me. mork, help him out. excuse me! what do you think you're doing?! helping you out. that's the last time i ever come in here to get warm! [ singing in orkan ] [ whistle blows ] hold it! i tell you, you got the wrong guy. put your hand through here. and i shall apprehend your partner forthwith. i'm off to pursue his accomplice. keep on eye on this one. what are you doing? keeping my eye on you. hey, back off. i'm in no mood for jokes. i've had a real crummy day. what happened? it started off pretty good. i escaped from prison. prison -- i know about that. that's where you get free clothes, free food, no rent.

why did you go? well, it's a long story. as a kid, i was a shoplifter. [ whistles ] boy, you must be strong. no, it was mostly small stuff. then i started stealing cars and they finally caught me, and here i am. boy, i feel really bad. i never stole a car, and here i am, too. yeah, i wanted to get out one last time to see my poor sick mother. you have a mother? yeah. i guess i'll never see her again. well, you could get me out of these handcuffs and let me go. oh, i'd be glad to. every son should see his mother. wait, doesn't that policeman want you to stay here? oh, i'll be back. don't worry about that. you promise? cross my heart and hope to die. you sure the policeman won't mind? he won't give it a second thought. trust me. and i'll be back by, say, 2:00 tomorrow? kay-o.

it's kind of like a card trick, but i do it with molecules. that's incredible. never mind. uh, thanks, buddy. see you around. say hi to mom for me! that reminds me. i'm a little short on cash. could you loan me 10 bucks? $10. what do you think, i'm gullible? here. here's $5.

did you hear what's goin' on?! a cop is chasing a couple of escaped criminals! he brought one in here and tried to tie him up. where is he? i let him go. you what?! i hate to blow my own horn. blow your own horn?! well, if you insist... [ imitates horn ] [ as louis armstrong ] thank you, baby. thank you.

and i can't see a thing. but i'll be back to normal in a couple of hours. dad, you're never gonna guess what mork just did. do we have to notify next of kin? a policeman caught an escaped criminal, and mork just set him free. what? mm-hmm. a policeman caught an escaped criminal, and mork just set him free! well, why in the world would you release an escaped criminal? because he wanted me to! stop shouting. stop shouting. for goodness sakes. mork, this is serious. i don't know why everybody's so upset. he said he'd turn himself in tomorrow. mork, how could you believe that? i sense that you're mad at me. yes, you're getting warmer. oh, mork... i'm not mad at you. it's just that you're too trusting.

why, that's a crime! his cohort got away, but one jailbird in the hand is worth -- where is he? oh, why, he got away. mork had nothin' to do with it. i can understand what you're trying to do. you're trying to protect me, but i can't let you take the coat for me. the wrap. your planet. i let your prisoner go. young man, what you did wasn't nice. released my suspect. boy, am i perturbed. what are you gonna do? i'm takin' him in for aiding and abetting an escaped prisoner. ooh. you need these. oh. you been there before, huh? don't worry, mindy. it'll be all right. he'll come back. i know he will. oh, mork. he was real happy when he left.

mork, the judge will be ready for your preliminary hearing in about a half an hour. thanks, officer bob. sure. come on, fellas. the judge is ready to give you guys your sentences now. i have a sentence for you. vamonos, meshugenehs. i hate to tell you guys this, but you got the hanging judge, and he's in a bad mood. have a nice day. thanks, mork. [ imitating harmonica ] don't push! we're going! we're going! come along. he's a nonbeliever. all we can do is forgive him.

exidor, is that you? mork! is that you?! where are you?! i'm over here!! step aside! i can't see! ah! there you are! mork, my old friend! exidor, why are you in jail? religious persecution. why are you here? i set a criminal free. he said he had to see his sick mother. he promised he'd be back. excuse me, mork. ha ha ha ha ha ha! as my dear father would say, "you're a pea brain!" but i know he'll come back. he promised. mork, the man lied to you, just as those crummy velutians lied to me. i know. you can't trust a man with four lips.

and destroying the earth on labor day. they let me down. bummer. sorry to hear that. it was then i realized that my faith had been misplaced, and i began my quest for truth. i tried buddhism, catholicism, judaism, punch and judy-ism. but nothing worked for me until i found... him. who? mork, i worship... o.j. simpson! isn't he a football player? a football player? mork, he is the football player! tell me, did you ever see the reverend ike streak down the sidelines untouched?

sure... moses walked across the red sea. but could he have done it on astroturf? mork... i believe in the juice! you, too, can be a born-again simpson. let o.j. show you the way. just look at my followers. look at the peace and serenity in their eyes. isaiah. hi. merlin. howdy. too tall. whoa. bubba. my man. these, mork, are my conversions. conversions -- good for one point. ar ar ar ar! you know, mork, before i found o.j., i couldn't laugh this easily. he can do the same for you as he's done for me. join us, mork.

candlestick park! oh, i see. believe and you shall bear oranges. praise anita! yes! mork, i want you to renounce your sins against football. exidor, i watched the world series. oh, blasphemy! the world series! baseball is pagan! do 10 hike marys! and i look up to kareem abdul-jabbar. do 100 push-ups. and i hate to say this.. i like howard cosell. let us pray. hike! hike! hike! amen. do you mind not smoking? this man is having a religious experience. are you feeling it, mork?

no. do you feel it... now?! whoa! praise football! ? gimme that old-time football ? ? gimme that old-time football ? ? it's good enough for me ? sundays, good and glorious! can you hear it now? tell me, brother. o.j. takes the ball on the 7, runs it 30 yards, but, oh, no! believe it now! believe it now! can you feel it? ? o.j. takes the ball again ? ? a hole opens up before him now ? ? on the 30 now, on the 20 now ? ? on the 10 now ? ? oh, he goes in! ? ? salvation! ? salvation! oh! oh, mork! you're a true believer, mork! i hate to disappoint you, exidor, but i don't have much faith in football,

mork...you've just fouled out on the game of life! may you burn in buffalo! oh, mork. oh, mork. goodbye. we tried to bail you out, but they won't let us until the preliminary hearing. has he showed up yet? why would he want to go back? because he said he wanted to see his sick mother. when it comes to trust, he's full of it. but don't just take it from us. excuse me, i have to break up a fight. [ blows whistle ] bubba, too tall, break it up! follow me! i'll be all right.

ere's your proof. it's after 2:30 right now. but he promised. i did him a favor. you've proven your point. i should never trust anyone anymore. [ door opens ] sorry i'm late. mom got thirsty, so i knocked over a liquor store. just kidding. a little slammer humor. hi, mork. mom says hi and thanks. you're welcome. do i get out now? no, you still committed a crime. but due to the extenuating circumstances, i'll have a dialogue with your adjudicator. and i think you will be, as the street people put it, extricated. i don't understand. why'd you turn yourself in? i promised him. just because i'm a thief doesn't mean i'm a liar. [ blows whistle ]

you know, dad, maybe we've become too cynical. maybe we get what we expect out of people. there's an old orkan phrase about that -- if one cannot trust oneself, then one cannot trust another. that's nice. i'm not finished. if one cannot trust another, others cannot trust another, and then others cannot trust others. and finally, who can one trust? does everybody on ork talk like that? for adults with advanced non-small cell lung cancer previously treated with platinum-based chemotherapy, including those with an abnormal alk or egfr gene who've tried an fda-approved targeted therapy, this is big. a chance to live longer

and is the most prescribed immunotherapy for these patients. opdivo significantly increased the chance of living longer versus chemotherapy. opdivo works with your immune system. opdivo can cause your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body and affect how they work. this may happen any time during or after treatment has ended, and may become serious and lead to death. see your doctor right away if you experience new or worsening cough; chest pain; shortness of breath; diarrhea; or tenderness; severe nausea or vomiting; extreme fatigue; constipation; excessive thirst or urine; swollen ankles; loss of appetite; rash; itching; headache; confusion; hallucinations; muscle or joint pain; flushing; or fever... as this may keep these problems from becoming more serious. these are not all the possible side effects of opdivo. tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including immune system problems, or if you've had an organ transplant, or lung, breathing, or liver problems. a chance to live longer.

ndications. bristol-myers squibb thanks the patients, nurses, and physicians involved in opdivo clinical trials. mork calling orson. come in, orson.

mork calling orson. come in, orson! orson's voice on answering machine: hello, this is orson. you'll have to call back later because i'm out of my mind. if you like, you may leave a message between the two beeps. [ beep ] hi, orson. this is mork. i just called to say that -- [ beep ] orson: hello, mork. sorry, i was busy. what were you doing, taking a meteor shower? mork! will you be serious? sorry, oh fattest of all living things. this week i learned about a popular earth religion. believe it or not, some life-forms worship o.j. simpson. the juice? [jews] yes, and even the gentiles. is that the only religion on earth? no, there are several others. but the main difference is that football services are held on sunday afternoon instead of the morning. don't earthlings need a common belief to unite them? oh, they have that. they all believe they can't trust one another. ? why do they feel that way? i guess they're afraid of being hurt. too bad they don't make football pads for the heart.

until next week, nanu, nanu.

man: say, i like your place. mmm, thanks. i wasn't sure you'd ever want to see me again. now, dan, do i look like the type of girl who would hold a little thing like a broken engagement against you? you have the right to remain silent. do say -- i didn't mean to hurt you. i just wasn't ready to settle down. then why did you ask me to marry you? i was young. i didn't know what i wanted. i have to admit i was surprised you called. i thought you were probably out sowing your wild oats. well, now i think i'm more interested in rice. which reminds me. there's a new japanese restaurant i'd like to try for lunch tomorrow. how does that sound? i'd love it.

okay, then noon it is. thanks for going out, mindy. thanks for asking me out, dan. it was fun. it always was. tomorrow. [ whistles ] mork... how was your mating? dating. that's dating. oh. and it was wonderful. dan took me to this great danish restaurant. sounds interesting. what do great danes eat? and he's taking me to lunch tomorrow, too. what is it about this earthling that makes you so hungry? well, dan and i are old friends.

serious? sounds like you need cheering up. come see my apartment. i've just redecorated the attic, and it's scamp city and totally taste-free. [ imitating tarzan yell ] [ singing ] what do you think? well, what can i say except it's you. you like my bed? you sleep on that? it's not bad once you get the hang of it. ar ar ar ar ar. now, i must say i've never seen a lamp sticking out of the wall quite like that. i like to read in bed. well, mork, this place certainly is designed for your kind of living. what an interesting wall covering. it's grass. mork, why do you have grass on your wall?

here -- here's my footstool. that's a great idea -- a footstool shaped like a foot. wait till you see the end tables i've ordered. well, mork, i think you've done a fabulous job. it looks really good. [ electronic blip ] what's this? it looks like some sort of a calculator. it's not a calculator. it's an orkan age machine. it's a small computer designed to alter our brain waves so we can achieve any age we want. why would you want to do that? 're suffering from tension, you set it for a certain age. it's like a vacation -- kind of like our version of "fantasy island." [ imitating tattoo ] boss, the plane has landed. you're kidding. kidding? no, that would be button number three. give it a go. okay. no, i don't want your cooties! [ singing in primal language ]

well, thanks for taking me to lunch, dan. how about dinner? do you realize how many restaurants we've been to in these last three weeks? you're onto me. you figured out i'm trying to get at your heart through your stomach. maybe that's why i like you so much. most guys immediately want to take the scenic route. hi, dan. hi, mr. m. pick you up at 8:00? okay, i'll be ready. all right. bye. excuse me. i'd turn sideways, but i haven't got one. hi, mindy. how are you doing? sally, well, i see he's still hanging in there. i feel like the post office. neither of us deliver on time. well, hello, sally, dear. can we do anything for you? yeah. you could tell me if my shoes match.

cora, what difference does it make? with a mother like sally, that baby's gonna be beautiful either way. what a lovely thing to say. if it's a boy, i'm gonna name him after you. fascinating -- a boy called "wiener." oh, cora... nice to see you, sally. you too. listen, you wouldn't happen to have "the little engine that could"? i don't know. let me check in the children's section. oh, come on. you do. i don't think i've seen you look this good. it's motherhood. you ought to try it sometime. maybe i will sometime. i like kids, but i don't think i'm ready to be a mother yet. mindy -- whoa, who's your fat friend? mork... oh, parallel universe -- what a coincidence. my name is mork, too. nanu, nanu.

there's a baby in there? you're trying to jive my socks off. there's a real live... [ imitating a baby ] whoa, shazbat! kids get in the darnedest places. i can't wait till he's born, so i can see what he looks like. i'll bet he's round. it's a birthday present. oh, thanks a lot. i'll see you later, mindy. so long, mork. goodbye. goodbye! whew. you know, mork, i really envy sally. she really knows what she wants. i envy her baby. you envy her baby? why? it has something i never had -- a mother.

good night, mindy. good night, dan. see you later. what are you doing up so late? something was bothering me. i couldn't sleep, so i decided i'd relax by soaking in a hot tub. yeah, that's what i always do. well, mork, is there anything you want to talk about whoa! what are you doing? [ gurgling ] mork, what on earth... you don't soak your head in a tub like that. you soak your feet. are you kidding? if i soak my feet in there, i wouldn't last five minutes. do you want to tell me what the problem is? all right. come, sit down.

ised in the best possible way. how were you raised? by a computer. a computer? oh, yes, her name was nanny-vac 30. every bleem, she'd wash me, feed me, burp me -- take care of all my needs. did she change you, too? i'm a better person for having known her. but somehow after seeing sally and how happy she was, i feel like i'm missing something. oh, mork, you miss being loved. nanny was always there. on the conveyor belt. she'd pick me up in her warm, little metal claws, tickle me with a high-intensity laser, and sing in that soft little voice... [ singing orkan melody ] if that's not love, what is it? factory servicing. doesn't an earth mother do the very same thing? yeah, but she does it because she wants to, not because she's plugged in. i see. on earth then, a mother is a very important job, too. i don't know a job more important.

well, you know, i-i didn't think i did, but i think i might. yeah. how about tomorrow? mork, it isn't that easy. i'll help. i think there's something that you and i should talk about. if it's about having babies, i know about that. first, the bird lands and adds the pollen -- you see, mork, dan has asked me to be his wife. dan -- that guy you've been eating around with? yeah. did you say yes? no... whew. yay. but i think i'm going to.

i-i'm worried. i just don't know what it would be like to have a child. i'm sad because i don't know what it would be like to have a mother. at least i've got a way of finding out. yeah. wait. [ humming ] i have a way we both can find out. i will set my age machine for 3 years old for 10 minutes. that way, i'll be your baby, and you'll be my... [ high-pitched voice ] mama! i know where my bellybutton is. yes, that's -- that's nice. can i see yours? no. come on, mork. give me your age machine. no, no. can't get it! nyah, nyah! wiener, wiener, wiener! you listen, young man. you give me that age machine right now. [ doorbell rings ] it's dan. morky... yeah. mommy has company,

i want to stay up all night and drive mommy shazbat. if morky takes a nap, mommy will make him his favorite treat, and he knows what that is. a bologna sundae! [ doorbell rings ] nice toys, nice toys. gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. shh. i'll let you play with these if you promise to be quiet. promise? yeah. okay. you be good. shh. shh. ha ha ha ha. [ doorbell rings ] hi. hi. let's go. what's the rush? the movie doesn't start for an hour. oh, sure. come on in. oh. oh, is that for me? no. that is for our firstborn. dan, that's a little premature.

oh, you will. mork: [ speaking orkan ] did you hear that? [ thud ] it's probably squirrels. oh. anyway, when we get married, it is going to be so great. i can hardly wait to hear the pitter-patter of little feet. [ pitter-patter sounds ] say, are you sure we're alone? well, yeah. oh, no. ic. mork: mama. it looks like your plumber broke his necklace. oh, yeah. boy, i sure am glad he got those out of the pipes. i'll just go up and see if he found the earrings, too. mork... mork...

aah! ha ha ha ha! that is not funny. come out of there. you broke my pearls and rolled them all down the stairs. not all. now, mork, you promised to be quiet. but i am being quiet! shh! no, you're -- no, you're not. yes, i am! yes, i am! yes, i am! so there. why don't you -- why don't you just play? can i play dress up? coming, dan. i don't care what you play, but just play quiet. yay! adult for a day. yay! mork, just play quiet. okay? okay? answer me. you said be quiet! shh! just play quiet. now, shh. shh. shh. shh. [ spits ]

is everything fixed? well, no, but everything will be back to normal in about six minutes. [ metal clanging ] it sounds like you've got a plumber that's not too experienced. he isn't, but only the young ones will make house calls. here. i picked up your pearls. when we have kids, you can't leave those laying around. they'll put them in their mouths. i've heard. 10 kids? that's inconceivable. no, no. kids are great. they are so much fun, just a joy to have around. [ crash ] mork: [ crying ] the plumber is crying? oh, uh, he brought his kid with him because he couldn't find a babysitter, so, um, just wait here.

[ wailing ] oh. tell me what happened. moo-moo bit me! and then he came down here and attacked my knee. bad -- aah! [ crying ] oh, you are right. bad moo-moo for hurting morky. there. moo-moo won't hurt you anymore. mommy, mommy, you protected me against the bad moo-moo. yeah. now, come over here and sit down. to dry your tears. mommy can't dry your tears if you're sitting on them. there, there. [ blows nose ] there. now everything's okay. will you always protect me and take care of me? i will until you're old enough

now, mommy has to go downstairs, if you're all right. i'm all right. i'm a big boy. now, you be good. yeah. okay. i got to go potty. number three. the plumber's okay now. i mean, i cheered up his kid. say, you're a real plumber's helper. mork: oh, humor. ha ha. he has a well-developed sense of humor. he's kind of old for his age. let's go. mommy! mommy.

momm [ car engine starts ] goodbye, mommy. goodbye, mommy! [ machine blips ] [ normal voice ] goodbye, mindy. well, good night, mindy. well, bye, dan. [ music playing on television ] oh, goodbye.

well, if i was asleep, then the tv was watching me. how was your movie? we didn't go to the movies. we just talked. actually, dan talked, i listened. i told him i'm not going to marry him, mork. bummer. n. no, that was just the point. all night long, dan just kept talking about babies, and then i realized that he never talked about us. he wasn't into having a wife as much as he wanted a family, and i want to be a couple before i'm a group. i'm sorry you lost your husband. did my becoming a child affect your decision? well, i have to admit, it opened my eyes.

yeah, it's pretty tough being a kid, too, but you made it easy. you know something? what? you're going to make a terrific mother. oh, mork. a toast... to motherhood? maybe.

mork calling orson. come in, orson. mork calling orson. mork calling orson. come in, orson. what did you learn about earth this time, mork? for one thing,

they're grown in something wonderful called a mother. that's the old-fashioned way. many bleems ago, a few of us did it up here, too, as part of a nostalgia craze. sometimes i think the old way is the best way, orson. orson, when you were a baby, don't you remember being held and cuddled, taken for walks? nanny-vac 26 did that. but on earth, a mother does it, and she does all sorts of other nice things for her children for her entire life. how much does she get paid? nothing. is it because her work is considered of no real value? oh, no. it's because it's considered priceless. good night, mork. orson, one more thing. can you tell me a bedtime story? i don't know any. too bad. good night, your immenseness. see you next week.

[ ringing ] hello? oh, hi, larry. morning, samantha. has darrin left yet? he left at 5:00 this morning. oh. driving up to bridgeport to take care of that account for you. why? i was hoping to catch him before he left. it's that new client, mr. morgan, our prize headache. oh, yes. i've heard about him. thanks, anyway, sam. oh, you're welcome, larry. bye-bye. well, what was all that about? it's just that darrin's firm has a new client that's been giving them trouble. seems he's some sort of a tyrant. acts as though he's still living in the victorian age. oh, now, don't you say anything against the victorian age. i loved it. those were the days.