hi, fred. what happened to your neck? i had an accident in the truck. oh, whiplash. did they hit you from behind? no, i was in a drive-in movie, and i was trying to mess around with fast fannie, and she hit me from the front. see, they call that fist lash. y glad to see that you finally decided to clean up all this terrible trash that's been lying around this ugly, filthy yard! that's right, grady. is there anything i can do to help you? yeah, jump in.

you shut up, grady. say, fred, i hope you don't mind me interrupting, but don't you think that the comic section would look better over here on the sofa, and the sports section over there by the door? don't make no difference, grady, as long as it looks messy. wow. you know lamont's gonna be awful mad when he comes home and sees all this trash around. i know that. that's why i did it. well, see, grady, for the last week or so, lamont's been acting weird. well, what do you mean? i mean, he's been nice to me and polite and easy going. and whatever i do is ok. now, that makes me worry about him. oh, i see. and you think if he comes in and sees all the trash around, that he'll get mad and he'll be his old self again. well, i hope so, grady, but i'm not sure, 'cause yesterday i tried to make him mad

and smile and say, "well, pop, you're you, and i'm me, and that's why i love you so." [truck approaching] here he come now, grady. let's sit down and act casual. ok, act casual. ? every little breeze seems to whisper louise ? ? birds in the tree seem to whisper louise ? hello, grady, my friend. how are you feeling, buddy? very casual, thank you. hello, pop. hello, lamont, you big ugly dummy. hey, wait a minute, son, listen, i want to ask you something. now, look at this place. i haven't cleaned it up in days. now, and i ain't going to clean it up, either. now, what do you say about that? well, pop, that's why you're you, and i'm me, and that's why i love you. now, if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go upstairs and change. [singing] well, wait a minute son, listen. lamont, listen.

upstairs, i haven't cleaned the bathroom. bedroom is filthy because i let a mangy dog sleep up there. now, now how does that grab you? pop, that's why you're you, and i'm me, and that's why i love you. ? every little breeze seems to whisper louise ? wow, fred. i see what you mean. i've never seen lamont act like that before. he's so calm, so serene and sweet! i know it. maybe there was a full moon and he got bit on the neck by the flying nun. wow, now, that's it fred. that's it. but only, he wasn't bit, he was hit by an arrow. arrow? yeah, cupid's arrow. cupid? yeah, that one too, fred. he has all the symptoms. he's been hit by cupid's arrow. he's in love.

lamont! lamont: yeah, pops? come on down, i want to talk to you. yeah, what is it? son, i-- [sniffing] what is that i smell? oh, that's probably my new cologne you smell, pop. it's called "days in paris." well, it smells like nights in el segundo. that's cute, pop, it's cute. i like it. yeah, well, that's why i'm me, and i'm you, and you're me. thing. sure. you've grown now. can i talk to you man to man? uh, adult to adult? why, of course, pop. well, son, are you in love? yes, i am. well, lamont, you just a baby! you just a kid! you a child! now what do you know about love? that's exactly what i thought you'd say. listen son, no, no, no, wait a minute, i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said that.

it's a sensitive, personal thing. it's a thing that a father and son should discuss. with warmth and understanding. ok, shoot. now, tell me, who is this bimbo? well, right now, the only thing that i'm going to tell you is that she's beautiful, intelligent, and black. well, i want to meet her. well, you'll meet her sooner or later, about having her over here for dinner. tuesday? that's 2 days from now. right. i mean... what's her name? that's not important, pop. the thing that is important is that i love her. how much do you love her? a lot, pop. do you love her enough to marry her? maybe. well, i'm against it, because you're still a child. and you don't know nothing about life. and that's my opinion, that's how i feel, and i don't care how you think about it.

that's why you're you, and i'm me, and that's why i love you. oh, don't do that. i don't play that. i ain't living here, i'm gonna live here by myself. this old messy house. it's not right. lamont! oh, no, fred, i'm grady. lamont doesn't have a beard. what do you want, grady? well get your jacket. i need help, grady. oh, no, fred, you're gonna clean up this mess by yourself. look, grady, you were right. lamont's got a girl. oh, well then you get her to clean it up. look, grady, look here. see. lamont won't tell me who this girl is, and i got to know. see, i gotta go check her out. you mean, he won't let you meet her? no, he's making a big mistake, he won't let me meet her. oh. not until tuesday.

s, she could seduce him with wine and candlelight. yeah. she could dull his senses with her perfume. yeah. she could dazzle him with her sex. don't stop now, grady, i'm getting excited. you gotta find out who this girl is, right away. find her? i don't even know her name! what am i gonna do, grady? hmm. eeze seems to whisper louise ? that's it, grady! that's it! that's her name! her name is breeze? no, grady, louise. louise breeze. no, louise! see, lamont's been singing that song for days now. and there's a place about 2 blocks down the street called "louise's dress shop." [laughs] fred. and he said this girl worked in the dress shop.

i know that. now see, here's what we have to do. we gotta go down there and check this girl out. right. but see, she can't know who we are or lamont will find out we've been there. and he'll get mad. don't worry fred, don't worry. you'll think of something, and i know, whatever it is, it will be brilliant. brilliant! ok. brilliant. how's this? mm-hmm. we put on some afro wigs and go down there disguised incognito. fred, that's dumb. say, grady, uh, do you know why you're my friend? no.

all right, grady, see, you just be cool and follow me. but fred, this is dumb. this is dumb, dumb, dumb! good afternoon, gentlemen, may i help you? why, sure, lady, but i think you'd better put some clothes on before you get ready. sir, i'm over here. oh, i see. you could see a lot better if you took off those glasses. oh, no, you see, i'm an airline pilot and i gotta protect my eyes. now, aren't you a little old for that kind of thing? are you kidding? up there in the wild blue yonder, i'm known as the gray eagle. and this is my co-pilot. that's right. i'm known as the brown pigeon.

ll, if you don't mind, we'd like to browse around just a little bit. fine. when you're ready, louise will help you. did you hear that, grady? louise. yeah, but she's kinda young, fred. yeah, you're right. i can't seem to make up my mind, louise. uh, sir, what would be your reaction to this wool dress? oh, a rash under my armpits. i never! i bet you did. hello. hello. hello, hello. can i help you? yes, darling, my name is lindbergh, and this is my friend, lamont. sir, did you say lamont? i know a lamont. you do?

he should be in here any minute. uh, lamont, here? yes. well, nice meeting you, miss. let's go. ok. uh, hello, son. nice meeting you here. pop-- i mean, it's a small world, isn't it, grady? pop, what are you and grady doing here? would you believe that grady needed a new bra? yeah! no, i wouldn't. i didn't think he would. ow. listen, son, i'm sorry, i just couldn't help it. but see, i wanted to know her, and i wanted to meet her and see if she had any possibilities. and, i like her. you do? well, i think that's great. did you hear that, honey? hey, hey, wait a minute! wait a minute! hold on, you take your hands off him, lady! what's a matter with you, pop? i thought you said you liked grace. grace?

[stammering] that grown up lady there is your daughter? mm-hmm. uh, excuse me for a moment, grace. let me talk to you for a minute, pop. son, you got to be crazy! that woman must be 10 years older than you are. look, now i want you to listen, and listen carefully, because i'm only going to say this one time. now, grace might be older than i am, but she's mature and intelligent, and she's more woman than i've ever know in my life, and i happen to be in love with her. d if i do, i'm going to have to leave home. now, do i make myself perfectly clear? marry her and leave home? make it clear? oh, elizabeth, did you hear? oh, honey, he gonna leave home! might get married. i'm coming to join you to discuss this!

i know that. if there was only some way that i could make him realize he's making a fool out of himself. pop. now, look, don't yell at me. now, a father got a right to check on his son, see if everything's ok. because getting married to someone who is older than you and not your age, that's dangerous. pop, that's why you're you, and i'm me, and that's why i love you. now, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go upstairs and change my clothes. now, wait here, son. on what you're going to fix next tuesday night for dinner? yes, i decided. i'm going to fix something new, something borrowed, and something blue. because you're bringing something old. that's cute, pop. it's cute. i like it. but there's nothing that you can say or do that's going to make me upset. now, why don't you just fix one of your fantastic meals next week, and, uh, i'll bring the champagne.

en you have an important announcement to make, you always toast it with champagne. uh, an important announcement? right. hey, pop, you know what might be a good idea? why don't you get yourself a date, and it'll be nice and cozy, just the 4 of us. uh, listen, son-- i don't have time to talk to you now, pop, i gotta run upstairs and change 'cause i'm going to the jewelry store. ? every little breeze seems to whisper louise... ? did you hear that, grady? yeah. announcement. champagne. me bring a date. grady, i'm in trouble. you sure are, fred, 'cause i hate champagne. but pick me up at 8, anyway. well, this is it, grace. oh, lamont. it's...very nice. yeah. i knew it would be something special. yeah, i'm glad you like it. hello, son. hello, grace.

i like your house. it feels so warm and lived-in. it does? well, i can just see myself in here, curled up in front of the fireplace, drifting off to sleep. yeah? well, we don't have no fireplace, but you can curl up under the sink if you want to. hey, man, why don't you dig yourself? hey, son, how do i look? you look spiffy, pop. yeah, thanks. see, i wanted to look good for your girlfriend and my date. no, no, wait a minute. i didn't bring donna. i have another date. she's in the kitchen. she's helping me fix dinner. well bring her out, mr. sanford. we're just dying to meet her. really? oh, well, i'll get her for you. i'll go and get her. hey, you know, i think he's beginning to like you, grace, 'cause if he didn't, he'd have done something dumb. hey, everybody, this is mabel. hey, pop, that's grady's cousin's grandmother!

see, i first met her when i was 34 and she was 44, and it didn't make much difference then. pop. hold on, son, listen. we were like 2 chickens in the coop. the problem is, i'm still clucking, and i ain't heard a peep out of her in years. mabel, this is my son, lamont. mabel? how do you do? no, no, that's not him. this is his girlfriend here, grace. d to meet you, ace. no, dear, it's grace. g-r-a-c-e. grace. oh, grace. dear lord, we thank you for this food we're about to receive. uh, lamont, lamont. grace and mabel-- y'all sit down right here and i'll pour you some champagne

well, aren't we cute? young me, and old her. see, when we were young, you know, i was 34 and she was 44, it didn't seem like we'd end up this ugly a couple, did it? we'll have a little toast anyway right here. little drink for you, mabel, some for me, and for grace, right there, we'll all have a little sip. here you are, darling. now, to my son, and his lady friend and their future happiness. and to president mckinley! [glass breaking] well, that's it. that's it! i thought i had seen everything till tonight, but this takes the cake. come on, grace, let's get out of here. hey, hey, wait a minute, son! son, listen, son! fun? would you like to have a little fun, freddy?

your father meant well. yeah, so did attila the hun. i mean, he spoiled our engagement party. engagement party? yeah. surprise. lamont, it's beautiful. but i can't accept this. i can't marry you. why not? as crude as your father was, int. the difference in our ages would become a problem. you really think so? i'm afraid it's the truth. but lamont... lamont? you're still the best. yeah, you too. you see, it's just that we each want different things out of life.

friends. you'll find someone who's just right for you. of course, she won't be as witty, intelligent, and beautiful as i am. but you will look, won't you, lamont? yeah, i will.

hi, pop. oh, lamont, i thought you were gone for good. no chance. you know, pop, how things seem to be going just great, and then all of a sudden, everything gets all messed up?

like the tv ain't working again. i want you to know, pop, that grace and i had a long talk, and, well, we're still going to see each other, but we're not going to get married. listen, son-- no, no, no, you don't have to apologize, pop, because it wouldn't have worked out. don't worry about it, son. look, there's a whole sea of women out there just waiting for you to tickle their tuna. how poetic. son, there's something i just gotta say. you don't have to explain, man, because what you did, you did because you love me. now i'm gonna go upstairs and change. no, you're not. what do you mean, no, i'm not? well, you can't, because, see, mabel sprained her ankle, and she's up there in the bed, the doctor told her to stay up there, and she has to stay up there at least a week. oh, pop. how do these things happen to me like that? i don't understand it. hey, come here. huh? come here. these things happen to you because you're you,

oh, shut up! [music playing]