oh, shut up! [music playing]

look at that, son. you can tell you're in a high-class neighborhood when the dogs are dressed better than you are. shh! we're in a doctor's office. so what? say, miss-- pop! u hush. say, miss, i might be able to save you a little money on this appointment that you got. know what's wrong with you? you have poor circulation. that's what's wrong. if you take that girdle off... your hair wouldn't turn blue. what? well, i never. why don't you just sit here

ya-chet-ing. you-ching. yachting. oh, yachting. hey, yachting? let's get on out of here, son. why? this man goes yachting. that means he's got a yacht. now, nobody has a yacht unless they have a lot. and where did he get that lot? from the people that have not. wait a minute. now, look. i already told you that the doctor's gonna give us a break on the price. now just cool it. i don't care nothin' about that, man. i want to hurry up and get out of here. well, i want to get out of here, too. i'll feel a lot better once i know the only thing wrong with you is your personality. hi, lamont. oh, hi, audrey. mr. sanford, i'll be with you in a second.

hey, son. you didn't tell me they serve cocktails in here. mr. sanford? the doctor's ready to see you now. i'm not ready to see him. come on, man. let's go. listen, son. listen, son. all of a sudden, i got this pain-- this empty feeling. well, mr. sanford, where is this empty feeling? in my wallet. ah... here you are, mr. sanford. well, the examination's all over, mr. sanford. that wasn't so bad, was it? no, not if you consider that i was mauled and pawed and plucked and stuck. heh. if you have, uh, any pain,

yeah, well, if they boosted me any higher, i'd have to sit down on my lips. take a seat. i'll look over your records. yeah, i know you will. [groans] ooh... [grunts] well, mr. sanford, there are still some tests to come back, but barring anything unforeseen, i can give you a reasonably clean bill of health. uh, how much is my clean bill of health gonna cost me? the bill? oh, you mean my fee. well, as a favor to audrey, shall we say, um...$100? uh, as a favor to me...

i'm sorry, mr. sanford. 100 is less than half of what i usually charge. i mean, you've had tests, x-rays, an e.k.g... it's the best i can do. and after dinner, we'll go dancing. oh, lamont... and then we'll go have a few drinks. oh, lamont... and then we'll go back to my place. no, lamont. your place? excuse me. pick a place. fred: 6 months? is that all you're gonna give me, doc, is 6 months? doctor: huh? you mean you're only giving me 6 months? well, surely, mr. sanford, 6 months is enough time to pay off $100. yeah, but they gave me 3 years to pay off the truck. but you're not a truck. you're a healthy 67-year-old man. yeah, with a leaky wallet

hey--hey--hey, pop, are you ok? i was ok till i went in there. well, listen. you just wait right out here, ok? i want to talk to the doctor. hi, dr. goodman. i'm lamont sanford, fred's son. oh, yes. say, listen. did i hear you tell my father that he only had 6 months? well, as a matter of fact, i was stretching it a bit at that. just take it, and be thankful he's got that much time. you know, grady... being that you're his best friend, you know, i--i thought you should be the first to know. i--i can't believe it, lamont. but you know what they say... sooner or later, your number's bound to come up.

it was... it was just so sudden, grady. [sobbing] yeah. just like my cousin waldo. he was walking down the street one day, in the prime of his life, and in a second, wham, bam, boom. heart attack? no, someone dropped a set of drums on him. well, i just don't want you to say anything to him about it, grady, you know? because it'd just get him upset. lamont, i won't say a word. things will be like they always were.

we'll be...close. arm in arm. side by side forever. good, grady. good. [sobbing] lamont? yeah? can you catch what he has? 'cause if you can, i'm not going near him. oh, here he comes now, grady. now listen. don't--remember what i said now. compose yourself. ok, i'm composed. hi, son. hi, pop. hi, grady. no, fred, fred, fred! [sobbing] oh, fred... it's good to see you, fred. good to see you, grady. say, lamont, fred, i gotta go because i have to go somewhere and pull myself together.

what's the matter with grady, son? he act like somebody just told him his best friend is dyin'. come on, pop. sit down. yeah, i'm gonna sit down. i think i'll go over here and watch me a little tv. yeah. listen, and don't argue with me. i'm gonna watch is tv, that's fine, pop. look, you just make yourself comfortable. here, you want another pillow? here, you just sit back and relax. are you nice and comfy? yeah, son. is there anything else i can do for you? you all right? i'm fine. well, you can turn the tv on for me. sure, pop. anything. here. there now. now, you just sit back and relax, and i'll go finish cooking your dinner. wait a minute. you cooked dinner for me? yeah, all your favorites, pop. roast duck, green peas, mashed potatoes,

it's my birthday, ain't it? no. it's--it's my anniversary. no. uh, your aunt esther had a face transplant. look, pop. i want you to know that i know what you know. and knowing what you know isn't gonna change things one bit, you know? you got any dessert? no. no, but what would you like? uh, nothing. never mind. i'll just, uh, pick up a bag full of pecans as i drop you by the nuthouse. [knocking on door] sit there, pop. i'll get it. hi, buddy. oh, flowers? yeah, just sign here. thank you. yeah, thanks. what is this, son? some flowers, pop. there's a card.

from grady. oh, yeah? what's the card say? uh, it says, "fred, fred, fred, "fred, fred, fred, oh, fred, fred, fred." i told him, pop. you--you told him? told him what? look, pop, if we're gonna be together for the next 6 months, then we should try and be honest with each other. i overheard dr. goodman tell you that you only had 6 months to live. 6 months to live? so that's what all this tv and dinner's about. yeah, and from now on, pop, there's nothin' that's gonna be too good for you. nothin's too good for me? i couldn't do that. no, son, see, when i was at the doctor's office-- [telephone ringing] wait a minute, pop. i'll get it. see-- hello? oh, hi, rollo. hold on a minute. hey, pop, it's rollo. i'll take it in the kitchen. it's private.

hey, rollo? yeah, look, i know you can do it, man. look, just--well, she's gonna be in town tomorrow night for a concert. now, just tell your cousin's friend to explain the situation to her. that's all. y--yeah. it'll be the biggest thing that ever happened to my pop, man. a date with lena horne. a date for me with lena horne? 'cause he thinks i'm gonna die. i better tell him.

...sure lena horne's gonna be here tonight? hey, man, i told you, lamont. it's all set, man. she's coming over right after the concert, man. praise the lord. that woman's heart is in the right place.

well, i told pop about the date tonight because i didn't want it to come as too much of a shock to him. but i think he's really gonna enjoy the party that we're throwing for him before the date. it'll just be... one great night that he'll always remember. it doesn't have to be too great, lamont, because he doesn't have to remember too long. what can i do to help with the party? i want you to bring some chop suey and some party records that we can dance to. we eat his chop suey, we won't need i want you to bring the liquor. but get the best, man. you know, don't spare no expenses. get the best. hey, man, you ain't said nothin' but get. ok. say, jack, it's too early. too early? yeah, the liquor store's still open. get out of here, man. grady, i want you to be in charge of the decorations, ok? i want everything bright and festive and gay.

and aunt esther, i want you to be in charge of the rest of the food. you can count on me, lamont. and don't you worry. when fred's gone, i'm gonna take good care of you. i'm gonna love you and feed you and always hold you close to my bosom. oh, lord, i'd rather go where fred's going. say, listen, son. don't get near that thing. you don't know where it's been. my 2 favorite diseases in the same room. yellow jaundice and the black plague. why, you... mm, get out of my--

i think i'll go on upstairs and get me a little nap and wait on lena. yeah, that's a good idea, pop. pleasant dreams, fred. listen, esther. please don't say nothin' to me when i'm fixin' to go to sleep. 'cause i want to sleep. i don't want to have no nightmares. wait, aunt esther. now, aunt esther, you know pop doesn't mean the things he says about you. oh, yes, he does, lamont. he doesn't like esther. [knocking on door] excuse me. oh, hi--hi audrey. come on in. hi, lamont. i thought as long as i was in the neighborhood, i'd drop by your father's test results and give you some good news. good news? right. i talked the doctor into giving your father all the time he wants. all the time he wants? what kind of talk is that, audrey? this your idea of some kind of joke? joke? no, it's no joke. i was just trying to do your father a favor. but as far as i'm concerned,

just a minute, miss. bill? what bill? mr. sanford's doctor bill. the doctor would only give him 6 months to pay it, and i thought-- wait a minute. you mean to tell me my father isn't dying? no, he isn't. you want to bet? you thought 6 months was short. 6 minutes. time me. wait a minute, aunt esther. wait a minute. time me! wait a minute! now, just a minute ago, we--we all thought pop was dying. and now that we know he isn't, well, isn't it wonderful? heh. lamont: isn't it wonderful? i see what y'all mean. well, he's done it to us again. oh, man, it's time for us to teach your pop a lesson for his own good. yeah, you're right, ah chew.

listen. see, first of all... hey, it's sure taking your pop a long time up there, man. yeah, well, if you had a date with lena horne, wouldn't you want to be as sharp as possible? yeah, he's so sharp, he probably cut himself smiling. hey, pop, get down here, man! lena horne's gonna be here any minute. fred: coming! good goody-goo. you sure look good, fred. sure do, mr. sanford. fantastic. i know that. hey, pop, you look hip and everything, but where'd you get that funny-looking wig? what dumb-looking wig? this is my own hair. i just teased it a little too much.

it. move out the way. let me put a little antifreeze in my radiator until stormy weather comes. there you go. there's nothin' too good for my pop. nothin' too good for me. [knocking on door] uh-oh, there's the horn! son, wait a minute. do i look all right? you look fine, pop. yeah, come on. you look great. look at me-- you look great, pop. you look fine, man. just relax. you look all right. i'm relaxed. open that. there she is. dr. goodman: mr. sanford. what a surprise! yeah. like pearl harbor. look, dr. goodman, audrey, why don't you go have a little drink and mingle? all right. yeah, doc. come on. let's mingle. uh, i have more mingling to do than anybody else. y'all come on in the kitchen, and let's mingle. uh, go right ahead there. i--i'll be back in a minute. listen, doc.

a joke? yeah, a joke. and, see, they think that i only got 6 months to live. ha ha ha! yes, 6 months to live, though. what kind of a joke is that? black people have a funny sense of humor. mr. sanford, i'm black. then get to laughin'. mr. sanford, just exactly what do you want me to do? well, doc, here's what i want you to do. if anybody asks you if i'm healthy, and don't tell 'em how long i got. just tell 'em-- just say i got about 6 months left. well, i don't know. don't you think that's a little heavy to lay on your friends? it's just till tomorrow night. well, uh, all right. but to make this thing really work, you've got to remember that i'm your doctor, and you'll have to do exactly as i say, all right? all right with me, doc. ok. ok, come on in here. let's mingle in here. ? dee dee dee ?

there's a big ol' limousine comin' down the street. i think it's her. listen, son. look at me. how do i look? how do i look? you look terrible, pop! huh? let me see. oh, you're right, lamont. mr. sanford, you look dreadful, and i can't let you go out like that. as your doctor, i'm ordering immediate rest. excuse me. hey, doc, come here. come here. i got a trash compactor in the kitchen. go jump in it. mr. sanford, i am your doctor, aren't i? yes, that's right. then i'm putting you to bed right now. listen, in bed? mm-hmm. me and lena... pop, pop... bed? lena... you've only got 6 months. that's all i need.

it's lena! it's lena! wait a minute, son. let me tell you something. promise me you're not gonna kill me when i tell you what i'm fixin' to tell you. well, i lied about being sick. [knocking on door] i ain't sick, son. just let me have this one date with lena. please? ok, i think it might be good. come on. [knocking on door] oh... you ready, pop? almost. you ready for lena?

hello, sucker. there must be some mistake 'cause this is not my lena. this is somebody's hyena! captioning made possible by sony pictures television

? good times ? ? anytime you need a payment ? ? good times ? ? anytime you need a friend ? ? good times ? ? anytime you're out from under ? ? not getting hassled, not getting hustled ? ? keeping your head above water ? ? making a wave when you can ? ? good times ? ? easy credit rip-offs ? ? good times ? ? scratching and surviving ? ? good times ? ? hanging in a chow line ? ? good times ? ? ain't we lucky we got 'em? ?