samantha? samantha! what's wrong, sweetheart? wouldn't larry let you off...the account? i didn't get a chance to argue the point with him. something a little more important came up! like what? like...her! are you referring to me? i'm not referring to mah-roosh-kah! samantha, can you translate that gibberish, or am i to be left in the dark? now, don't try to brazen it out. she came to my office today and tried to pass herself off as madame maruska! well, i saw through her little disguise and tossed her out on her ear! how'd you like them apples, endora?

uh, s-sweetheart, mother wasn't in your office. she was with me all morning. sure, she was! come on, sam, don't alibi for her! that's no alibi. she was here all the time. when, all the time? this morning, all the time. your mother was really here with you? yes, darrin, she really was. you've never lied to me, have you, sam? no, sweetheart. not even this one time. darrin, mother was here with me all morning. i could forgive a little lie this one time. [ telephone rings ] hello. oh, hi, larry. but -- y-- m--

madame maruska. i threw madame maruska out of my office along with a million-dollar account. so why shouldn't i be fired? oh, darrin. i certainly can't allow you to lose that precious little job. and i'm not gonna sit by and watch you take the bread out of my granddaughter's tiny, little mouth. now, one simple incantation -- no! well, it is my fault, in a way. no! no witchcraft, nothing! i'll handle this my way. if i fall on my head, well, i fall on my head, but you stay out of my life! darrin, can't i do something? no! no! [ door slams ] but i'm sure she'll see me. i know i don't have an appointment, but i've got to see madame maruska. it's a matter of life or death -- mine! well, maybe i can catch her between calls. all right, you can wait. but no promises.

mah-roosh-kah think that there is no more to say! madame maruska, please let me explain. forget it, stephens. she's not having any. larry. mr. "steffins," i am so glad that you are here, also. now i can be rid of both of you at the same instant! well, you have every right to be angry. i can't explain my actions, but i am sorry, and i humbly apologize. i do not accept your apology! well, then, don't. but you're supposed to be a businesswoman. at least look at the layouts in larry's portfolio. if you don't like them, i'll leave without being told. but don't dismiss my company just because i made a little mistake. very well, mr. "steffins." i won't have it said

based on personal reactions. hmm. hmm! "don't play fair. use madame maruska's lipstick." isn't that something? i hate it! goodbye, peasants! it was all sewed up. you had to get that crazy idea madame maruska was a fake. ole sweet deal. [ imitates slashing sound ] larry, for the last two hours you've been going on and on and on. why did you do it, darrin? why did i do it? the whole smear. why? i can't tell you. you can tell me. no, i can't. you can tell me. okay. i thought my mother-in-law turned herself into madame maruska to foul me up, so i threw her out. can't tell me, huh? right.

"don't play fair. use madame maruska lipstick." [ sighs ] best thing i ever did. yeah. great. bartender! yes, sir? may i? hey, that's my paper. that's my layout! somebody stole it, line for line! let's get back to the office and check the newspaper listings. we'll find out who did this! we'll find out who's guilty, and he's gonna pay, boy! give me my paper! we'll fix that dirty crook! i didn't do it. i don't remember signing these authorizations. well, i don't remember typing them, mr. stephens, but there they are -- authorizations for newspapers, posters, leaflets, billboards. billboards, too? you authorized this agency to pay for all that promotion, and we don't even have the account?! do you know how much this is going to cost us? do you?! stephens! come back here! stephens!

and witchcraft can get you out! sam, it's no use. i'm going to spend the night at the club. you don't belong to a club. i'll join one. darrin, now, listen. i placed your ads -- your ads! they were wonderful. madame maruska was wrong, and you were right. sam, i know you meant well! you always mean well! i'm almost used to your mother's meddling. after all, she's supposed to be a colossal pain. she's a mother-in-law! well, that's just too much. it is just too, too much! darrin. goodbye, sam. [ doorbell rings ] you son of a gun! you old son of a gun! you're wearing two coats. i know. you want to tell me how much money i cost the company. well, don't worry about it! i'll see you get every penny back! wait a minute! [ chuckling ] wait a minute.

and he's worried about a few measly thousand. uh, larry, what happened? what happened? you wheeler-dealer. placed madame maruska's ads in the paper even though we didn't have a contract! and it paid off. it paid off? mr. innocent, huh? why, an hour after those ads hit the paper, every chain store in town was on the phone to madame maruska, doubling their lipstick orders. "don't play fair. use madame maruska's lipstick." the ads worked. worked? why, i'm on my way over to her salon right now with the contracts for her complete line. and you did it, fella. you really did it! two coats, huh? maybe i'll try that. the ads worked. she signed up the entire line. sweetheart, it was your ads that did it.

sam, it was still witchcraft! you did it. i could have been that office boy if i'd had as much faith in my work as you did. it doesn't matter. even if i should have done it, you did it, and you shouldn't have done it. even if i should have... done it. that doesn't make any sense. i know it doesn't. i just want you to forgive me, and i don't know how to ask. [ chuckles ] you don't have to ask.

[ yawns ] i'm beat. good night, sweetheart. good night, sweetheart. mmm! oh, darn. it's going to be chilly,

it! don't run up and down the stairs. oh, thank you, sweetheart. that's very nice of you. well, i'm not going to do it. you know. why, darrin, i'm shocked! you said -- in this case i'll make an exception -- at least until i can afford an upstairs maid. thank you. [ tinkles ] all done. oops. my turn. darrin!

oh. oh! you still here? -- ca i think so -- although around here, you can never be sure. yes, i'm still here. [ chuckles ] i mean, aren't you gonna be late for the office? mm-hmm. you mean just 'cause larry's away, you're gonna take advantage of it? anyway, i don't have anything important on my schedule until tomorrow. hmm. [ clattering ] hey! what was that? if i am not mistaken, it is not a what. it's a who. oh, boy. oh! [ chuckles ] step down. oh, are you all right? yes. how nice of you to drop in. aunt clara, if you ever want to try

here, let me take your bag and your brolly. come around here and sit down. uh, here, aunt clara. you're welcome anytime. you want some coffee? oh, well, thank you. now, thank you. ah. safe and sound. oh, dear. would you like part of the paper? oh, no, you keep that yourself, and i'll just, uh, zap up one for myself. [ chuckles ] oh, dear. now, let's see. bubbling -- bubbling potion, uh, secret rhyme, e morning herald-times. [ ding! ] isn't -- isn't today friday? aunt clara, we're going to have to have a little talk. i simply cannot -- yes, it is. [ stammering ] oh, look. this is tomorrow's paper. fine. but just let me finish. i just want to find the sports section, you know.

since when have you been interested in sports? if this is tomorrow's newspaper, then it will have today's racing results. so i'm going to, um, pick a horse... and put something on its tail. that's "nose." let me see. sam! well. isn't larry tate your boss? yes, but that doesn't have anything to -- what about him? it says he broke his leg. what? yes, yes. there it is right there. "larry tate, president of mcmann & tate, breaks leg." oh, no. oh, dear. i'd send him a get-well card, but this is tomorrow's newspaper, and it hasn't happened yet. on this weekend of all weekends -- he and louise were going on their second honeymoon. honeymoons are such fun, especially when you have someone with you.

well, what? sam, we've got to get to larry. we can't. they made sure that no one would know where they were going. so what? you can find him. how? you know. darrin, are you suggesting that i use witch-- yes, i am. sam, my boss and one of my best friends is about to break his leg. we can prevent it. oh, hold it. hold it. we can prevent it? you can zap us to wherever they are, and we can prevent larry from breaking his leg. yes to part one, but i'm doubtful about part two. darrin, it's dangerous fooling around with the future. we'll just have to take the risk. sam, we're wasting time. let's start twitching! us? we're partners, huh? sam! all right. all right. aunt clara? uh, yes? uh, dear, darrin and i have to go out for a while.

dear, yes. thank you. well, here we go. [ ding! ] here, darrin. hang on, hang on. you ready? mm-hmm. darrin, are you sure -- yes! all right. eyes that see all, gentle winds, take us to where our search begins. oh, i wish i could do that. now, let me see. how does it go again? eyes that see all, gentle winds, take me to where my search begins. [ ding! ]

[ tinkles ] you tell your insurance company they made a mistake. the check they sent isn't enough to replace your totaled new car. the guy says they didn't make the mistake. you made the mistake. i beg your pardon? he says, you should have chosen full-car replacement. excuse me? let me be frank, he says. you picked the wrong insurance plan.

we'll replace the full value of your car plus depreciation. call 1-844-756-4653. and if you have more than one liberty mutual policy, you qualify for a multi-policy discount, saving you money on your car and home coverage. call liberty mutual for a free quote today. at 1-844-756-4653. that's 1-844-756-4653.

what did i tell you? isn't this place the greatest? oh, it's wonderful, larry. and the best part of it is, not a single solitary soul knows where we are. everything all right, mr. tate? oh, perfect. you run a great place here, mr. murray. you're very kind. [ ding! ] i've got to stop hitting that brandy after dinner. you know, you've really got marvelous legs, louise. we got to find a way to show them more often. oh, you are the most charming liar i've ever known. darrin, do you really have the heart to intrude on a scene like that? we'd better intrude, and fast. can you think of a better way to break a leg than on a badminton court? how are you gonna explain our being here? i'm not. i'm gonna put them on the defensive. come on.

darrin! samantha! okay, you two, who told you we were here? what? you blabbed. oh, n-no, i-i -- tell the truth, louise. samantha told you, right? oh, n-no. i had no idea. it's okay. if you're here, you're here. we know you want your privacy as much as we do, so you respect ours, we'll respect yours. right, sam? what? oh, right. well, we'll see you around -- or, rather, we won't see you around. now, wait a minute. what are you doing up here? uh, i'm here on business, in a way. what kind of business? larry, you came up here to relax and enjoy yourself. here you are, worrying about the office. forget about the office. he's right, dear. come on. let's go play badminton. come on. okay. darrin: uh, wait. uh, that's no way to relax and enjoy yourself. it's so physical. you'll get all tensed up. now, look, darrin! sweetheart, it's their vacation.

thank you. larry! [ tinkles ] [ gasps ] honey, that was marvelous! larry, that was great! watch it! oh, uh, sunburn? no, just burned. i didn't know you were a gymnast, larry. neither did i. i don't know. how about you kids? i asked you first. larry, i feel a little done in. why don't we just go to our room and relax... by ourselves? that's a good idea. did you hear that? it's okay with samantha. i hope you people don't feel we're deserting you. oh, no. i'm thrilled.

well... what could possibly happen to him in their room? sam, 80% of all accidents happen indoors. miracle of miracles, they're not following us... quick! the skateboard -- get rid of it. [ ding! ] ...yet. whew. there, you see? if we weren't here, he would've taken a header. if we weren't here, he'd be looking where he was going. come on. you know, i hate to admit it, but you're right about darrin. he is awfully thick-skinned. and he's got a skull to match. wait, larry. hmm? this is our first real honeymoon, you know. yeah, i'd almost forgotten. so? so you're supposed to carry me over the threshold. hmm.

darrin, this is ridiculous. i am not going to stand here and peep. why? there's no law that says -- there certainly is, and i'm just not. [ ding! ] here we are, alone at last, to coin a... oh, no! of all the colossal -- look out for the coffee table! aah! are you crazy? oh. hi, louise. a little fast teamwork, and we avoided an accident. darrin, would you do me a favor?

[ ding! ] oh, oh. oh, you scared me out of a year's growth. oh.

how's everything going? oh, fine, just fine. i'm just warming up a bottle. oh, good. and when the baby wakes up from her nap, i'm going to warm a bottle for her, too. fine. oh, aunt clara, are there any messages? oh, yes, yes. i'm glad you reminded me. yes, um, darrin's secretary phoned and said the 2:00, um, appointment tomorrow has been changed to, uh, 3:00 today. oh! and it's 1:00 now! i better get back to darrin. kiss tabitha for me. [ ding! ] that's one thing i can do. why don't you lie down and take a nap, dear? i'm not spending all this money to sleep. is he still there? like he was nailed to the ground. i don't see her, though.

or an escape hatch. [ ding! ] i've got to get a complete checkup. i think i will lie down. the meeting's been changed to 2:00 today? are you sure? positive. it has three "t"s in it. what? oh, well, just a little joke. anyway, i'm glad. i think we've made pests of ourselves long enough. shall we go? larry won't be out of the woods till midnight. now, i... ...i'm going, but you stay here and keep your eye on larry. don't let him out of your sight. i'm ready for takeoff. [ ding! ] oh, and honey, see if you can land me near the water cooler. i'm thirsty.

oh, yes, a complete checkup... and the sooner, the better. larry. huh? samantha's out there alone now. you don't see darrin? unh-unh. then i have a perfectly terrific idea. larry? i know it looks as if we're intruding on your vacation, and, well, i just want you to know i feel terrible about it. that makes two of us. excuse me. larry? um, i wanted to say that things aren't always what they seem. and i think you ought to know that you have a very valuable friend in darrin.

anything else? no. fine. excuse me. ooh. now what? i could make myself invisible. ooh. samantha, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. darrin, i don't know if that meeting's over or not, but you've got to come back. about bringing you in from out of town. that's perfectly okay. but i am kind of anxious to get back, though, so if you gentlemen will excuse me, i'll be going. goodbye. goodbye. [ ding! ] oh, stephens. you know, when he says he's going, he really goes.

you know it. you! nothing like a good steam, huh? for your information, i didn't have to come here to get steamed. now why don't you and samantha get lost? well, larry, that's not a very nice thing to say. you make it sound as though we've been pests. oh. do i? well, have we? oh, what's the use? well, in that case, let me make up for it. dinner tonight's on me -- champagne, the whole bit. what do you say? i tell you, i've had it up to my eyeballs. i won't stand for any more. well, i don't blame you, dear. louise, we're going to be alone, even if it means the end of our friendship. oops.

yeah. all right. one black tie coming up. la [ ding! ] what i need is a vacation... in some other hotel. well, what are you going to say to them? simply going to say -- [ knock on door ] i'll show you what i'm simply going to say. please, dear, be calm. hmm. aha. hi, there. hello. i just thought we'd get a little head start on dinner. uh, darrin, samantha, we're not going to have dinner with you. was that calm enough? not that we don't appreciate it, but, well, we just can't. oh, we understand. don't we, darrin? of course we do.

in that case, we'll go dutch. that's not what i had in mind. well, then, if you insist, you pick up the tab. darrin, i'm going to make something clear to you or die in the attempt. we want to be alone. oh! you do understand? right, louise. then we'll have dinner served right here. darrin, does a house have to fall on you? we want to be alone, with each other, without you. this is supposed to be a honeymoon, not a -- a tourist attraction. well, we -- honeymoon? you mean second honeymoon, don't you? no, samantha. this is our first. but i don't -- when we started to have one 10 years ago, i broke my leg. you -- broke your leg 10 years ago? louise: to the day, in fact.

are you thinking what i'm thinking? i think i'm thinking it. [ ding! ] [ gasps ] tomorrow's date, 10 years ago. i'll have to have a little talk with aunt clara. forget about aunt clara. how do we get out of this? you couldn't freeze them permanently, could you? oh, darrin, don't be ridiculous. well, you got us into this. get us out. i got us into this? well, let's not stand here bickering. do something. well, how about -- yes. yes, it's the only way. whatever it is, sam, do it, do it! [ ding! ] [ thunder crashes ] where did you send them? back to this morning, when they arrived. but -- shh. here they come. we'd better get lost. come on!

oh, it's perfect! i thought you'd like it. well, here we are. there you go. thank you. hey, look at this. oh, sam, the champagne! wonder who sent the champagne. "for a fun evening -- samantha and darrin." you told them where we were going. i did not. well, then, how did they know? what's the difference? it was very sweet of them. as a matter of fact, larry, i was thinking it might have been kind of fun to have them along. yeah. yeah, it might have been. well, if that's the way they feel -- darrin. a house does have to fall on you, doesn't it?

sweetheart. i got to run. with larry still on his honeymoon, i've got double duty at the office. i hope he doesn't remember our being there yesterday. he might hold it against you for some of the things you did. what happened to "us"? well, anyway, i learned a lesson -- never fool around with the future. and i learned one, too -- if you want a newspaper, go to the corner store. i hope you'll remember that, aunt clara. hope so, too. bye. see you tonight, honey. mm-hmm. [ ding! ] [ ding! ] oh. oh, samantha, i wish i had your flair. [ ding! ] what's this?

[ ding! ] [ chuckles ] [humming] alfred, what are you doing? oh, i'm, uh, packing these books. uh, i'm bringing them on our vacation. well, you might as well unpack them. unpack them? we're not going. going? the rolling waves. oh, amanda, what are you talking about? darling, the rolling waves were all set to sing at my charity bazaar, and now they've canceled out. well, why would they do that? because they were mobbed in indiana, and one of them is in the hospital. oh, i hope it's nothing serious. nothing serious? alfred, i have to find another group to replace them, darling. and that's why we can't go on our vacation. amanda. do you mean to tell me,

because a rolling wave was mobbed in indiana? i'm sorry, dear. yes. well, you can't be serious. darling, now look. i'm the chairman of the entertainment committee, correct? yes. and i discovered the rolling waves. well then, darling, it's up to me to find another group to replace them. how long will that take? i don't know, dear. i'm working on it now. [sighs] amanda, the general knows i'm going on my vacation. all the boys at the officers' club know i'm going on my vacation. i'm sorry, dear. oh, well. i'll try to find some excuse. oh, amanda. don't let anyone know that i've cancelled my vacation because of the... rolling waves. oh, i'm sorry, dear. but after all, darling...

major nelson. oh. would you mind telling me what you're doing? sir, i'm-- i'm just practicing. i'm-- i'm going on my vacation tomorrow. well, i wouldn't count on it if i were you. why not, sir? well, we're gonna postpone your vacation. postpone it? but i've been waiting for three years for this vacation, sir. i know some people who've waited five years for their vacation. i'm sorry, major, but we're expediting your tests for the lunar project. we're starting tomorrow. tomorrow? well, how long are the tests gonna last, sir? i have no idea. major, that's show business.

master, i'm home. well, i-- what? hello?

how do you like it? oh, brother. what are you doing? i'm trying to get a little use out of this equipment, before i have to send it back. [doorbell rings] that's the guy who's probably coming to pick up his stuff. oh, i'll get it. ahh, jeannie. uh, there's something wrong in the kitchen with the tap. would you check it please? oh, yes, master. oh, boy. yes? oh, hello, major. oh, isn't this cute. you're camping out in your living room. well, that's adorable. you know, i try to get alfred to do things like this, but he's just too conservative. yeah. i'm just, uh, trying out some equipment that i'm not gonna be able to use. oh... you're going on a vacation, huh? well, it's been postponed. amanda: isn't that a coincidence. you know, alfred's vacation's been postponed too. tony: oh, really?

alfred can't go either. oh, naturally. obviously. amanda: so that's why i'm here, major. you see, since i've lost the rolling waves, i have to find another musical group to replace them. and i thought... [chuckles] ...maybe you could help me find a musical group. i really don't know anything about singing. i'll tell you what we need. we need a group... that's hip. hip? yes. you listen to the radio, don't you? well, i-- wasn't going to take this on vacation with me. [rock music plays over radio] that. that's what we need. why? well, major, because that is the kind of music that draws crowds. don't you understand? see, i'm in charge of this whole thing. it was all my idea. i-- i've got to get another group to replace them. i'm not gonna leave town until i get a group that is gonna kill them. oh, i see. if i can help you find a group, then you and dr. bellows can go on your vacation. exactly, exactly. that's it. yes, yes. oh, major.

but you listen to me. it is very important that alfred not know that i asked you for any help. oh, don't worry about a thing. i'd be the last one to tell him. thank you very much, major. now, listen, if you hear of anything at all. you know, if you think of any, you will let me know. yes, i certainly will. i mean, it'd be such a shame to... waste all that marvelous equipment. i know. i-i-- bye. master. oh, master, you will never guess what? i've just figured it out. cation? yeah. so do you. you've been listening in the kitchen. well, why are you unhappy? jeannie, do you have any idea? how hard do you think it'd be to find a better group than this? [chuckles] they remind me of a group that caligula had beheaded. well, you could pick up better singers on any street corner. you could? oh, well, then i think i can solve your problem, master. huh? you mean you know a group? well, i-- i do not know a group but i--

ah? how long would it take you to get them? can you give me 10 minutes? sure.

ah, there we are. where are we? i don't feel so good. oh, you will. oh, dear. someone is missing. [doorbell rings] ah. ha! i'm here to pick up the camping equipment. oh, i know. now, we are ready. ready for what? i can hardly wait to hear you sing. i'm sorry lady, but i don't sing. neither do i. oh. well, i thought everyone sang. jeannie, did the guy come to pick up-- oh. hey, this is the group. this is your vacation, master. we can leave at any time. [laughing] no kidding. we-- uh, go ahead, go ahead.

sing or whatever you-- master, they-- they have not rehearsed yet. huh? oh, uh, listen. don't let me disturb you now. i'll put this in the kitchen, i'll be right back. you guys go and rehearse. i'm getting out of here. ah, ah, ahh. you must not leave until major nelson has heard you sing. all right, now. ready? a one, and a two, and a three, and a four and... [playing, singing discordantly] ? fr?re jacques ? oh, no. no, no, no, no. hush. . now, i don't wanna get in the way. i'll just-- go ahead. i'll just sit over here. now. ready? one, and a two.... ? i shan't forget the day we met ? ? my boat upset and i got wet ? ? she offered me her blanket and some tea ? ? hey! ? ? say is that your clarinet ? ? i bet we'd make a fine duet ?

? girl, i'm out to get you if i can ? ? come with me back to my flat ? ? it's late and i must feed my cat ? ? with that she smiled and tied her hat to leave ? ? hey! ? ? on my chinese mat we sat ? ? commenced to chat of this and that ? ? and then i tried to kiss her tenderly ? ? and we began to play a symphony ? ? girl, i'm out to get you if i can ? oh! ha, ha. hey, that's great. did i not tell you? yeah. hey, listen. i-- i'd better go and g-- get ahold of dr.bellows. oh, all right, master. yeah, i'll be right back. tony: hey, jeannie, you're wonderful.

lady, would you mind telling me what's going on? certainly. you are all going to sing at a charity bazaar. i'm getting out of here. but, sir, tony's been looking forward to this vacation for a long time. no, major healey. i'm not going on my vacation, major nelson's not going on his vacation. we're gonna do these tests and that's final. oh, morning, sir. good morning. i'm ready to go to work. yes, i see you are. it'll take us about six weeks to get through all this stuff. yes. [whistling] what are you so happy about, major? oh, uh, good music always does that to me, sir. i just heard a new singing group. [chuckling] they're fantastic. this new singing group?

well, shall we go to work on this? you mean they're here? yes. in cocoa beach? yes. oh, there's the new inversion chart i've been looking for. i knew you had that in here-- are they available? who? the singing group? oh, yes, yes. i imagine so. uh, you see the pch starts-- major, will you stop changing the subject? well, i thought this was the subject, sir. where can i get hold of them? i believe they're on their way over to your house. what is this for? jeannie, we're going camping. why do you keep putting these things in my way? you know, tomorrow afternoon i'm going to take them to see phil spector. good, good. he handles the biggest musical acts in the country. uh, tomorrow afternoon we're not gonna be here. we are not? no, we're going on our vacation, remember? oh. well, i am afraid we will have to cancel that. cancel? mm. yes, master. ohh.

would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels,

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e,e, jeannie, that i'm gonna have to cancel my vacation because of those four, uh, what's their names? the boyce & hart group. yeah. you telling me that? oh, yes, master. they need me. is it not strange they were not even interested in show business until the bazaar. jeannie, music is very well, in it's place it's great. and when we come back from our vacation, you can listen to the-- oh, no, master. we must strike while the iron is hot. where'd you hear that? aristotle said it. [chuckling] you know-- you know how you worry about me? yes, master. [laughs] well, you have reason to. jeannie, i've been looking forward to this vacation for a long time. going to the great outdoors. under the stars, under the trees with maybe a fire in front of the tent.

t. a r-e-s-t. yes, master. yes. oh, good evening, major nelson, i hope we're not disturbing you. it's my fault anyway, major. i insisted that we come by and thank you personally. yes. come in. thank you. you're camping in your living room. yeah, it's sort of a rehearsal, sir. with trees? bellows: and a babbling brook? i wanted to get the feel of it.

oh, alfred, why don't we ever do something like this? amanda, i spend half my life curing people who do things like this. i see you even have a fire going. yes, sir. got chilly in here. i think we'll be running along. oh, yes. but, major, listen, i want to thank you again. you don't know what that group did for me. i can't tell you what they did for me. i wouldn't wait until tomorrow to go on your vacation if i were you. i'd leave now. hey, baby. how you doing? yeah, look, i just played your new song. well, let me see. the bridge is very weak. well, the tempo's awful. the lyric? stinks. i think you got another smash. congratulations. look, i'm ordering 100,000 records, and that's just the beginning.

how did you get in here? excuse me, are you mr. phil spector? look, it's been a real bad day. would you come back in april? are you not looking for singers? [rings] you'll have to make an appointment. uh, hello? no. no, you have to go to nashville, and bring the group back yourself. i'm telling you, it's the greatest group i ever heard in years. of course you have to bring their mother with them, they're only nine years old. what? are you still here? what is this, a convention? where is bill? i don't know. helen, will you please get these people out of my office-- oh, dear. well...

? nothin' goin' on around here ? ? that hasn't gone on all year ? ? stayin' in day out and day in ? ? wishin' i was outside playin' ? ? out and about ? ? i got a little thing goin' good for me ? ? out and about ? ? free from all the things that bore me ? ? out and about ? ? ridin' all around the city ? ? out and about ? ? all the girls they look so pretty ? ? i'm fine, when i'm...? ? run, run, run, run run, run, run, run ? ? when i'm out and about ? ? things i want i can't afford 'em ?

? ? running out of reading matter ? i gotta run outside and see what's happening. ? out and about ? ? where the sun is always shinin' ? ? out and about ? ? look at all the fun i'm findin' ? ? out and about ? ? bumpin' into friends and laughin' ? ? out and about ? ? what a groovy time we're havin' ? ? we'll have a good time ? ? when i'm out and about ? ? bom bom-bom bom-bom bah buh ? ? out and about ? ? bom bom-bom bom-bom bah buh ? ? when i'm out and about ? ? bom bom-bom bom-bom bah buh ? ? out and about ? ? bah buh-dum-dum... ? ? out and about ? ? bah buh-dum-dum... ?

? bah buh-dum-dum... ? ? out and about ? ? bah buh-dum-dum... ? [music fades out] great. i can feel it here. you mean you really like it? like it? what does the phrase, "number one record" mean to you?

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and protect what matters most. call this number to get information and a free quote for guaranteed acceptance life insurance. the call is free, and there's no obligation. call massmutual at the number below. call now. hey, tony! hi. what are you doing? um, baking a chocolate, angel-food cake. y-you're really going, huh? yep. oh, you're gonna have a ball. boy, i really envy you. uh, remember me when you're spending my money. will do. uh, where's jeannie? she isn't going. she isn't--? what do you mean-- well, what happened? i'll tell you what happened. she's more interested in four, absolute strangers than she is in me.

oh, you mean the guys at the bazaar? yeah. oh, they were brilliant. i mean, really. i mean, they were the-- they were average-- below average group. well, let her stay. who needs her anyway? yeah, yeah, who needs her anyway. it'll be great being away from her for two or three weeks. oh! yeah, great. you'll have a ball. yeah, just-- just have a ball. no one to get me in trouble every time i turn around. yeah, no one to cook for you. no one to try to run my life for me. no one to take care of you. yeah. really looking forward to this, roge. i'm gonna have a terrible time. you want me to help you put them in there? well, why don't you just cancel the whole thing? what do you mean ca--? i can't cancel. it'd give her the upper hand for the rest of my life. yeah, well, what's she got now? besides, it's the principle of the thing. i got 300 dollars tied up in that equipment. well, think of it this way. it only cost you 200 dollars. jeannie: master! hey, what do you mean? there's jeannie now. jeannie: master! i knew she'd come back. i never doubted it for a minute. master!

ed all over for you. oh, well, i was, uh, just leaving, jeannie. oh, but i could not let you leave without me. couldn't you? oh, no, i would miss you so very much. well, let this be a lesson to you. how long would it take you to pack? oh, not long. oh! well... you sure you didn't forget anything? i do not think so. so long, roge. yeah. well, have a good time, and, uh, write me something in jeannie, huh? we will. now, i have our route all marked out. first, we stop in chicago. um, jeannie, we're going to little bear lake. oh, did i not tell you? we are going on tour. after chicago, we stop in minneapolis, detroit and montreal. ? bom, bom bom bom bom bom-bom, bom-bom ? ? out and about ? ? bom, bom bom bom bom bom-bom, bom-bom ?

[?? - two, three. - mm. would you like a ham on rye? - no. for another 15 minutes in here yet. - forgot the mustard again. mm! hey. look at this. pardon my glove. - oh, thanks. - what are you doing, master? - where did you get this? oh. this is a heat test chamber, jeannie. we're trying to find out how much heat a human body can stand. you're not supposed to eat that. - excuse me, gary. how long have they been in there? - four hours and 30 minutes, doctor.

- we're bringing you out, gentlemen. - i don't want them to bring me out. this is the first good steam bath i've had in months. - if you enjoy this, master, you can do it in your very own living room. - goodbye. - oh, very well. i will see you at dinner. - ah. how you feeling, major nelson? - fine. - good. - fine. - and you, major healey? - well, the sandwich was a little dry. - sandwich? - oh, the tube sandwich, with the-- we're assigning you to a special mission, major nelson. - oh, the apollo project, sir? - i, (chuckles) no, uh, not quite. nasa has approved of making the documentary film and, uh they're going to, uh, bring in a movie expert from hollywood. - oh? oh, really? what does that have to do with me, sir? - well, you're going to act in the film. - oh, really? - oh, ha-ha, here we are. this is your director, mr. allen kerr. this is, uh, major healey and, uh, major nelson.

(upbeat music) - but i-i think you have the wrong man. uh, i've never done any acting, mr. kerr. - allen. - allen. do any acting, major. i want the real you. the whole idea is to photograph an average day in the life of an average astronaut. your your home life, everything. - my, my home life? - that's what i said. - i really don't think it would work. - why not, major? - well, i'm not an average astronaut. i actually, i don't have any family. - uh, major nelson, um, general brindley has asked us for full cooperation.

it's up to us to make everything as easy as possible for him. - there's nothing to worry about, major. as long as you have me behind the camera. - i-i do think that perhaps we ought to give it just a little more thought. - did you send for me, sir? - oh, uh, yes, major. - well, i kinda thought you'd be sending for me. - well, here are the results of the heat-chamber tests. take them to the lab for me, will you? was there anything else, major? - well, i heard you were filming a documentary, and i thought you might be needing me. - well, if roger'd like to do this instead of me, uh, i have no objection. - why don't you both do it? you work as a team anyway. - and i could help tony out. - well, that's settled. - i'm not too familiar with movie techniques. uh, could you answer a question? - shoot. - what's ann-margret really like? - i'd like to, uh, spend as much time as i can with you, major. i really like to get to know my actors. - oh yes, i can understand that.

ffs) dinner tonight? uh, you know, tonight really is not the best. - why not? - we're having turkish leftovers. - i've never had turkish leftovers. that sounds intriguing. - oh. - major, i think it'd be a very good idea for mr. kerr to see you in your home environment. we're gonna shoot you there too. - i believe it. - what? - i, we're redecorating. the whole place is a mess. you didn't decorate your house. are you kidding? - perfect. it'd make it seem more homey. see you at seven. - homey. at seven. yes, uh, right. would you all excuse me? i have a pressing engagement. uh, here we are. - oh. wow. you, uh y-you live here? - well, it's just an experiment, you see. - wow, what happened to your place?

- it breathes. reminds me of a wild bird soaring into space. i can't wait to photograph you in this room. - good evening. - oh, good evening. i'm uh i'm allen kerr. - i am jeannie. i am major nelson's-- - decorator, she's my interior decorator. - oh, you've done a marvelous job, darling. - oh, thank you. - uh, mr. kerr is here to direct a documentary. - oh, how exciting. oh, will you sit down, please? - thank you. - being a director must be very interesting. - it has its rewards. of getting a good performance from a clod. - a clod? - when i have an actor in front of my camera, i expect him to know his job. heaven help him if he doesn't. (laughing) i'll have my camera crew here first thing in the morning. i think we'll, um start in this corner. (upbeat music) - he sounds pretty tough. - don't worry, i'll pull you through. - it's gonna work. - oh?

all right. we're gonna pick up major healey coming in the door in a, in a wide shot. and then go to a tight two. and then the next, uh w-where's my script girl? - what does he mean by a tight two? - why are the little people always frustrating me? - may i help you? - do you have a stopwatch? - a tch?stwachuckles) yes. (chuckles) - uh uh, shall we, um? shall we go over the scene once more? i know my lines. an old pro never forgets. (chuckles) - let's do it anyway. you've come over to have breakfast with tony, and you're discussing the new project. now, have you got that? - right, got it. - now go out the door and get ready for your entrance. - right. (doorbells dings) - tony, there's the door. - i'm sorry. - do not worry. go, go, go. - tony, please! - sorry, sorry. hi, roge.

i can't wait to test the new scale model of the lunar landscape. - neither can i. - would you like some coffee before you go to work? - i'd love a cup of coffee before we go to work. - how do you take it? - cream and sugar. - i wonder what it's gonna be like to be the first man to land on the moon. - i guess we won't know until we get there. - very good. - uh, you really like it? - wait till i say cut. - cut? - what was the timing on that? - oh, the timing? uh, 9 3/4 seconds. psychedelic egg timer? (laughing) okay, let's shoot it. - be calm. all right, here we go. like in rehearsa like in rehel. make your entrance from theront door. - fromhe front door. - major? - yes, yes, s. whenever you're ready. - i'm ready. oh, one more. ready, ready. - all right, here we go. (banging) and let's have it quiet.

(handle jangli) - [allen] open the door. - morning, tony. how you feeling this morning? - cut! what, what time is it? - oh. i-it is 9 a.m. - lunch! - lunch?

(upbeat music) (knocking) - come in. ah, mr. kerr. oh, uh, anything the matter? - yes. roger healey. you know, king lear. - well, if you're having any trouble getting cooperation-- - the problem is, i'm getting a little too much cooperation. he's the lousiest actor i've ever seen.

- dr. bellows, can i level with you? - well, of course. - i'd like to make tony nelson a star. take him to hollywood. i got a part in my next picture that he'd be perfect for. - oh, i'm sure that major nelson would never be interested in going to hollywood. - i was hoping he might have a vacation coming up. i've worked with the biggest stars in this business, and he's a natural if i ever saw one. he'll be the biggest star in hollywood. - you really think so? - i know so. uality that nobody teaches you. it's a gift. - well, i always thought he was colorful, but-- - shines right out at you. blinds you. doctor, you put him on the screen, and he'll have every woman in the country swooning. (mysterious music) - me bigger than rock hudson? - yes? yeah, major healey. right.

to the main gate about an hour ago, nobody's seen him since. - shall i go look for major healey? - no. i have a better idea. we'll shoot this scene without him. - oh, but i'm sure i can find him. - let's not press our luck. we'll make it now. we'll pick it up right over here. - hi, hi, hi, hi. how's it going? good morning, good morning, good morning. uh, good morning, good morning. - good morning. - hi, roge. what's the outfit for? - oh, this old thing? (chuckles) well, i thought i'd give the scene a little color. - i came to cape kennedy ng this into war and peace. - don't you think i've suffered too? i know things have been going slowly, but old roge will help. - i don't need any help! sorry, gang. let's do it! believe it or not, gang, i think we're finally ready. now, in this shot major healey will be out of frame,

please don't act, major healey. - be honest. - natural. - honest. - just be yourself. tony. do it just the way you've been doing it. it's perfect. okay. this will be picture. take him out. roll 'em. - [man] speed. - [allen] action! roge! - rendezvous. - roge. - r-rendezvous. cut! cut, cut! let him down. let him down. let him down. major healey.

i'll get this shot if it kills me. and you too. (pensive music) (sighs) 3,000 miles for this. uncle sam, i've done more than my share. - hey. - what's gotten into you, anyway? - what's gotten into me? that's what's gotten io me. - yeah, who says so? - havet you heard? i'm going to be bigger than rock. - rock who? - ro hudson. - well, who said that? - well, i heard our director telling dr. bellows. and he should know. well, back to the old grind. i think i'll get a little makeup on. it's a little dark around here. (upbeat music) - roger's no aor. - (laughs) you can say that again, baby. i was talking about you. - you, me? - [jeannie] poor major healey.

- well, i don't think we really have a problem. he's a dedicated astronaut. i, i don't think he's interested in hollywood. - , that's break for hollywood, i mean. - yes. (chuckles) - major healey reminds me of an actor i ce kne who was in a play by aristotle. name was xerxe homer xerxes. - yeah. - he rode a chariot up a hill, over three-- - a chariot? - oh, she's an old theater buff. yeah. (chuckling) - sweetheart, you and i are gonna have to have a little chat. - oh, i would enjoy that. i'm gonna force myself to go over and look at the rushes. would you, uh, care to see 'em? - uh, i'd like to, but i think i'd better straighten roger. - i'd rather watch the rushes. - major healey is going to be very uappy. - oh, don't be silly. you don't really think he's interested in acting, do you? - yes, master. - [bellows, just place those on my desk, sergeant. - i will see you on the set. - yeah, all right. - um uh, major neln.

to think he's a cross between tony curtis and, uh, alec guinness. - oh, well, roger is, uh. - well, i know what he is, major. i've had a talk with mr. kerr. now, are you gonna tell him he's the worst actor in the world or shall i? - i'll tell him. i'll tell him, sir. - well, you better hurry. he's going all over the banvpeople to his premiere. - i'll get rig on it, si - mm. - i don't want any place too elaborate. uh, someplace in beverly hills or bel-air? yeah, with a lot of grounds. uh-huh. yeah. yeah, i'd like a swimming pool and a tennis court. mm-hm. and, uh, don't worry abt the price, huh? you can take it out of my first week's salary. (door thuds) and look, harry u're invited to all my premieres, huh? and get on it and get back to me, right? okay, hare. right. - hi, roge. - that was my hollywood real-estate broker. - you don't smoke, do you? know, it'sot lit. - oh. your your eyes all right? - what? oh, these.

ns are when they recognize you. they just mob you. (chuckling) - roge, i think we ought to have a little talk. - oh, i know what you're going to say. know, ow. and i'm going to miss you too. we've we've been through a lot together. - you're gonna be able to leave all this? i don't wanna leave it a, but, you know, when you're talented, well, i can't be selfish. i can't disappoint my fans. - roge, you're an astronaut. - i know. astronaut, movie star. when i build my pool, i think i'm gonna have it shaped in the form of a capsule. something small with about 75 girls, you know. you're invited to all my premieres. - roge-- (phone rings) hey. excuse me. yeah. yeah, wait a minute. wh-what was it? - nothing. you, i'll talk to yolater. - yeah. yeah. 75 rooms? harry, i don't need seven bedrooms.

to you. - oh, yeah. he's a great guy. great. - frankly, i thought you'd be a little more upset. - meet, sir? - well, i suppose it is something to be the worst actor in the world. - the w-worst actor in the world? - i didn't wanna tell you this, major, but, uh mr. kerr said that he'd never seen anyone quite like you. that you you reminded him of his old hog-calling days. (sighs) - are you sure he meant me? - w-what happened to the masculine quality and looking, and looking like rock hudson? - yes. he was quite impressed with, uh, major nelson. but, of course, major nelson wouldn't be interested. - yeah. well, i mean i mean, who wants all that glamour? hollywood glamour. i mean, you know, it's just... - yes. uh, why don't on u t with the report, major? - oh, yeah. - and, uh,

nothing at all. (slow paced music) - i couldn't tell him. i just couldn't tell him, jeannie. it would have broken his heart. - what are you going to do? - well, i don't know. how do you tell a man he doesn't have any have any talent? it'd shatter him. st... - i know. i will get homer xerxes to coach him. i'm sure that would cheer him up. yeah. that's, that's, that's-- (doorbell rings) - hi. - hi. - we were just talking about you. - oh, really? - yeah. - you know all this talk about me being a movie star. - would you like to meet homer xerxes? - well, as i was saying, all this talk about me being a movie star-- - yeah, well, we were just discussing that, roge. (scoffs) - oh, you didn't think i s seris, did you? - you mean, you weren't?

d. - oh, that is wonderful news. - oh, i was just playing a game. you know, there's more important things in life than having silly girls chasing you around asking for your autograph. - roger, i can't tell you how relieved i am. - well, we'll finish the picture monday, and then we can get back to work again. - i wonder where i can get anotr job as a script supervisor. (doorbell rings) - i'll get that. - well, i'm i'm sorry i-i kidded around, but i-- - oh, uh, hello. - hello, tony. - oh. - exactly wanted to be an actor. - jeannie. i wanna talk to you. - uh oh, well, we've already discussed it. everything's all right. i thk-- all right? everything's fantastic. - fantastic? did i do something? - i just looked at the russ. do you know you're the funniest man i've ever seen? - me? - a natural comic. the, the wayou me, it's unbelievable. i didn spot it till i saitn e lm. you could be the biggest thing in hollywood. - me?

- wait, wait. not interested? me, the biggest thing in hollywood? - i can get you a contract columbia pictures. they're casting a picture right now that you would be perfect for. - roger's not interested. uh, he's, uh, we've already discussed it. we're going to the moon. - are you kidding? and let my fans do? ps hands) no, sirree. only this time, i wanna pick my own leading lady. ha, i think i'll start off with lollobrigida. that's it. i want mown,ick my own director. and i want a limousine, and i want a chauffeur. and i want you to get me one of those ascots right around the neck. (upbeat music) "to me, life insurae was always ce-to-have, not a must". but over the years, ve seen familiesdn'tave it- and then really struggle with money." final expenses-such as funeral costs, medical bills, and other debts-can put a financial burden on your loved ones. guaranteed acceptance life insurance from massmutual-available to those age 50 to 75

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(soft music) - are you all right, master? - mm, yeah, fine. - are you unhappy? - about what? - because of major healey. - oh. no, no. no, the space program has just assigned somebody else to go up on that mission with me, that's all.

(chuckles) - major healey. - oh, hi, jeannie. hi, tony. - we thought you were leaving for hollywood. - oh, me leaving for hollywood? oh, come on. they wanted me to sign a seven-year contract. and we're going up in the moon shot in six weeks. - huh? - i wouldn't leave. are you kidding? come on, now, you didn't believe all that. now, come on, now. - really? - you know i'm not leaving. - you're back with us! - oh! - i wasn't going anyway, now. i wouldn't, how could i leave you? i mean, i would-- - hi, gang. just dropped by to say goodbye. sorry we lost you, major healey, but, uh, our loss is the space program's gain, right? (chuckling) oh, oh, i'm sorry. this is miss gigi dubois. - oh, uh anthony nelson. how are you? this is jeannie. - hello. - she was going to be your leading lady. - my leading lady? well, i'll tell you what. if we could back up the moon shot about seven years, maybe i could do the contract, and maybe we could work together. and maybe we could make pictures together.

- now, uh, r-roge. now, wait a minute. (overlapping chatter) (upbeat music) now, wait a minute. ? green acres is the place to be ? ? farm livin' is the life for me ? readin' out so far and wide ? ? keep manhattan, just give me that countryside ? ? new york is where i'd rather stay ? ? i get allergic smelling hay ? ? i just adore a penthouse view ? ? darling, i love you, but give me park avenue ? ? the chores ? ? the stores ?