ah ah! where were you, grady? i was just standing behind you reading the paper and i was the one that said "ah! ah!" traveling, rollo. it's a 2-hour bus ride from my daughter's house out in westwood. hey, man, that was 5 hours ago. oh, yeah. well, you see, the bus that i got on, it went through beverly hills. and when it got into beverly hills and stopped, i decided to get off. for what?

you know, so that's why i'm late. i started walking up and down those beverly hills streets. up the hoi and down the polloi. and, rollo, after looking at those millionaires' homes, i got carried away. carried away by the beverly hills mansions? no, by the beverly hills police. they don't like us walking around ionaires' homes. you mean you got busted? oh, no. just questioned and directed to the number 83 bus. where's fred and lamont, rollo? grady, they're out looking for you. ohh. you know what, rollo? i just think i'm gonna move out of my daughter's house. i mean, i just feel so miserable there. hey, man, it's natural to feel that way.

ing with them, right? yeah. and you feel like you're taking and not giving them anything, right? right. well, tell me this. how did they like the housewarming gift you give 'em? well, they never said "thank you." why not? i never gave them one. well, that's the problem, grady. hey, man, give them a gift. you know, a nice housewarming gift, man, then they'll be grateful to you. then you'll feel good because you gave them something. hey, that's really great. i'll go get them something that they want, and then they'll really be glad they met me. right. yeah, thanks, rollo. and i know just the thing to get them. what? an original oil painting for over the fireplace in the living room.

and i'll get it from one of those very expensive art stores and spend my very last cent on it. $67.80. man: all right. now, the only way you're going to get anything out of this exercise is to get your knees up to your chest. . come on. [groans] come on. and see, this exercise-- can you feel that? here. like this. i sure can. that's it. all right. now, this exercise is good for stretching the hamstring muscles, all right? how many should we do, coach? well, you do 10 and then you build up, all right? now, let's see. we want to get these to here, ok? now, 1, 2, 3-- ohh! there it is. that's it. that's it.

[man groaning] coach: 2. that's it. 3... 4... 5. now, how does that feel? ohh! i feel it. i really feel it! good. good. uh-uh. after you gentlemen are done feeling it, i'd like to see the coach in the kitchen, please. sure. uh, why don't you change places. i'll be right back. ok, coach. did you, uh, did you just drop that? by. i didn't just drop that. that is our winter crop coming in. ohh! well, hey, look. the celery is doing fine and the radishes are all nice and red. and the greens are all nice and green, and-- oh! my goodness! look how nice those legs are comin' in. i can't wait for dinner. ahem. i think i'm eatin' out. well, listen, hon, what's the matter?

. now, if you can't get the u.c.l.a. track team off of it, we're gonna have a very lumpy tablecloth. you got it. is my father home yet? poppy? no, i haven't seen him. well, i hope everything's all right. i mean, it's getting late. oh, i'm sure he'll be fine. so, why don't you just come over here. will you stop that. mm-hmm. how? hmm? i mean, you know what you are? you are a sex maniac. i mean, i married a sex maniac. thank you, dear. no, it's my pleasure. oh, just bring that pleasure right over here. oh! you got it. hi, mom. hi, baby. daddy not home yet? [laughs] roger, this is my mom and dad. both: yes, mom and dad. hey, roger. how you doing? hi ya, coach.

g under you. i've followed all your records in chicago and i read all about you when you were on the track team here. oh, man! you were something else. incredible! me and hal marshall-- roger, roger. what's your event? oh, he does the 2-minute handshake. roger's gonna help me with my homework. come on, rog. bye, coach. wow! uhh... are--are you done with me? oh, yes. but would you get tweedledum and tweedledumber ble? sure, but how about a quick kiss first? ask 'em. you know, ellie, sometimes, i don't think you realize that you are living in the same house with the great hal marshall. how could i forget? hey, son. hi, pop. mom, why'd you put those 2 white guys

they're gonna love this! [talking indistinctly] wow! oh! they're gonna love it! love it! love it! hi, gramps! [screams] laurie, what in the devil is wrong with you? walking into a room where your grandfather is. is he bothering you? ohh! he is my friend! roger, this is my grandpa grady. hi, nice to meet you. i left my notebook in your bedroom. i'll be right back. in the bedroom? oh, it's all right. we were just doing our homework. homework in the bedroom? see you later, laurie. so long, rog. bye, gramps. uh, laurie.

what's the name of the course? oh, grandpa! oh, grandpa! what you young ladies need today is more housework and less homework! homework in the bed... what is--poppy, what is going on? i mean, where have you been? don't you know that i'm having a dinner party? you said you were gonna help. but i am gonna help you, ellie. an, that's what i was doing. i was out getting you a present for the party. a present for the... aww! poppy! i mean, poppy! you didn't have to do-- poppy, i'm sorry that i yelled at you-- no, no, no. it's all right. i love it when you yell at me. i mean, that's what families are supposed to do in their own home. they're supposed to yell at each other.

i want him to see this, too. hal! [singing] ahh! ohh! that's magnificent! [cackling] ohh!

poppy! oh, my, ellie!

as you open the door. right. it just come blasting right out at you. wow! step outside and try it. what? no, no, no. go outside. make believe you're a guest coming for the first time. poppy! no, no, no. it's all right. would you open the door, please? no, guests must ring the bell. i don't believe this. [rings doorbell] who is it? would you open the door? hey, poppy, i think you'd better open the door. well, uh, good evening. is there anything that strikes you as being outstanding? oh, yes. mr. wilson. i mean, now, that is a beautiful painting. thank you. come again.

i think everybody should get dressed. poppy, let's get dressed. oh, of course. after all, i want to look right when those people from the university come to my house. that's fine. i want the folks from your alma mater to really like your alma father. [soft music playing] [doorbell rings] oh! mr. and mrs. devor. it's good to see you.

uh, excuse me, professor. can i get you something? oh, no thank you, mr. wilson. we're just fine. did you want something terestia? do you have any carrot juice? uh, i'll see if i can squeeze you some. aren't you the professor of art at the university? yes, i am. well, now, may i ask your honest, prejudiced opinion of the piece of art over the fireplace? oh, well, personally-- that i bought with my last penny. i love it! and on the back, there's a very important piece of paper with writing on it. probably the story of the painting. no, the model's phone number.

whoo! you're so-- oh, i like you. i'll see if i can get you some carrot juice. coach, everything all right? mrs. bradley? oh, wonderful, thank you. yeah, it's great being in your house, hal. we've come full circle, haven't we? i remember the time you came out for track 15 years ago! look at him! he hasn't changed a bit. still in great shape. dedicated. team came first. right. holds 3 records here at the school. do you still have the same thighs? yeah, i think so. phyllis, feel those thighs. come on. don't be shy. come here. here. are those thighs? yes, boomer. well, coach, i can see you're having a great time. i'll talk to you later.

ic department. well, thank goodness he isn't in the art department. why? why would he hang that picture? i don't know. he should have hung the artist. phyllis! come on. [doorbell rings] oh, the sullivans. how are you? i'm so glad you could make it. this is the best that i could do. it's tasteless. it's the worst combination of colors i've ever seen. you should be used to that. i would have told him... and you know ugly. i know ugly.

woman: my dear, that is the epitome of bad taste. [laughing] oh, dear! man: the rest of the room is in beautiful taste. but that painting, donna. may i have your attention, please? i want to say that i gave this tasteless picture to my daughter as a present. now, she knew it was tasteless. but she hung it up anyway e didn't wanna hurt my feelings. my daughter and son-in-law have as much class as anybody in this room. and a lot more nice. so, don't you think that they're stupid. it's me who's stupid. oh, poppy, wait a minute. no, no. wait a minute. poppy, what are you doing? just leave it. no, i'm gonna take my tasteless picture.

ellie: poppy. anyone want a drink? that's it. that was just stupid. just plain dumb. it is. i don't belong here. i'm leaving. leaving, leaving, leaving. [rapping] ahem. listen. would you relax? now, how can i relax? he'll be all right. come here. oh, hal, listen.

and he can take care of himself. but, hal-- ok? all right. all right? yes. i didn't have the money for the bus. poppy! where have you been? we have been going crazy. come in here and sit down. no, no, no. you sit down! i don't wanna sit down. i just need some-- poppy, sit down. just sit down. i don't wanna sit down. i just wanna borrow some money for the bus. poppy, just tell us where you've been. because i don't wanna have to tell you that i'm leaving. leaving? poppy, why do you want to leave? because i'm just taking, taking, taking. i'm not giving, giving, giving. that's why i'm leaving, leaving, leaving. taking what? you're not taking anything. he's right, poppy. you're giving.

oh, poppy. remember what you used to tell me when i was little? huh? you used to say if a tree don't have no roots, you don't have no tree. now, that's what you give this family, poppy. our roots. i give that? yes, poppy. and the tackiest painting i've ever seen in my entire life. ellie. ellie, listen-- no, no, no, hal. she's absolutely right. i mean, my picture made your house look ugly. that dumb painting shouldn't make us uncomfortable in our own home. poppy, you bought that painting because you love us, right? and we hung it because we love you. enough? hmm? enough. ok. all right. [sighs] hey, come here now.

i'm going up to my room. uh, oh, ellie? yes, poppy? i hate flowered sheets in my room. i mean, they make me feel like i'm sleepin' in the forest. with bambi and the chipmunks and the squirrels. uh... get solid purple. uh, hal. yes, dear? i hate solid purple.

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? mares eat oats and does eat oats ? ? and little lambs eat ivy ? ? and kids'll eat ivy, too, wouldn't you? ? ? zip dee dip-- ? hey, poppy. hey! kids home from school yet? yeah. haywood came in and he came in with a whole bunch. and they asked me to fix 'em chocolate milk to go with their chocolate chip cookies. hey, gramps, they loved it. thanks. loved what? the picture in haywood's room. what a body!