valerie, your hair looks just like mine. i was going to say the same thing to you. good morning, sweetheart. hey, i could get used to that. harvey... did you just do what i think you did? you mean, kiss valerie? but i kiss everyone. my italian blood. paisan. you're sylvanian. hey, i just got off the phone with brock. he asked me out on another date. i'll get in touch with the people at ripley's. you know, i really think brock might be the one. i mean, there's no posing there's no pretense. it's just a totally honest relationship. so, you told him you're a witch? of course not. oh, by the way the gallery called.

ock's so impressed. fine, but i should inform you that my style has evolved. i now work with found objects. old bicycle inner tubes, seashells, bio-waste and incorporate them into my art. sounds awful. i'm going to be famous. here we go. "wishbone spells. "see sanders, colonel page 387." what?! salem, there's paint all over the page i need. do you have any idea why? yeah, i've been cleaning my brushes on it. i heard that lichtenstein cleaned his with perrier and hundred dollar bills. thanks a lot. i granted mrs. birckhead's wish that valerie be like me. not just like you. would we be having this conversation if i had left it vague? this is bad. pretty soon there'll be two sabrinas and valerie will disappear forever. there's got to be a way around this. hey! if valerie's acting like me, all i have to do is start acting the way she used to act before she started acting like me. then she'll start acting like her old self and stop acting like me.

you're sitting on paint? i have an idea. have you ever thought about dying your hair brown? like it would make a difference. i just know i'm going to flunk next week's history test. i'm afraid the science club wants to kick me out and i'm pretty sure i'm the most unpopular girl in school. really? great, it's working. well, then i have to cheer you up because life is great and you're great. geez, am i really that obnoxious? come to dinner at my house tonight. my aunts would love to see you. your aunts? oops, i meant parents. i won't take no for an answer. see you tonight. i know this can work. i just have to be twice as insecure. it's times like this i hate coming from a loving environment. i just know i'm not going to get into college. and i bet anything harvey's going to break up with me and the economic instability in russia is really affecting my sleep. you will get into college. harvey won't break up with you and russia probably will collapse but we don't live there.

it's like when i was looking over these plans for a new bridge at work-- i realized when i say "not safe for humans" i'm like a broken record. everyone hungry? we've got fried chicken onion rings, fatback and cracklin'. mom bought the new "elvis" recipe book. after dinner, can i go run with scissors again? this is going to be harder than i thought. salem, i've got bad news. i just got back from the gallery and your latest paintings bombed. oh, no. i've still got a date with brock. we really likes the way i handle setbacks. see ya. fame, you are a fickle mistress. well, i still have my art, and that's what's important. i got into this because i love painting not to get rich. ( sobbing ) who am i kidding? i just made a down payment on a mail-order bride. hi, sabrina. hey. hey, sabrina.

"sabrina birckhead." no, no, no. "sabrina sirckhead." it sounds better with something that begins with an "s" wouldn't you say? is nothing sacred? hey, harvey, what do you say you and i hit the slicery this afternoon-- alone. i know i'll be hungry. oh, that does it. now it's time to play hardball. she's not stealing my life or my boyfriend. let's see if she still wants to be like me. ( growls ) sabrina, has something been bothering you? anything with just three chords ain't music. believe me, sabrina i recognize a cry for help when i see one. perhaps you'd be more comfortable speaking with someone your own age who's a little more mature. i know-- valerie. ( sobbing ) salem, you know, vincent van gogh was a great artist

really? what a loser. ( doorbell ringing ) hmm, wonder who that is? ooh, maybe it's brock. who is it? man: delivery for spellman. "rest in peace"? "deepest sympathy"? "say hi to god for me"? just be glad you didn't get our biggest seller-- "good riddance." did you know you're in the newspaper? really? where? the obituary page. have you died and not told me? either the afterlife is a disappointment of enormous proportions or somebody owes me an explanation. salem? look, everyone knows a painter's paintings get more valuable after he dies. i'm just speeding up the process. i'm referred to as your "longtime companion." but everyone is going to think that i'm dead. what's the big deal? you don't leave the house that much anyway. so this is how it ends.

least the spell can't get any worse. sabrina, you're not going to believe this. i have magical powers. watch. the phrase "spiraling out of control" comes to mind. oh, don't worry. i promise to use them responsibly. i'd never do anything frivolous with them. what are you looking at, freaks? well, most of the time. uh-oh, valerie, looks like you don't quite have a handle on that magic of yours. and figure out what to do. you're not going to turn me over to scientists or sell me to the government, are you? oh, of course not. not right off the bat, anyway. i came over as soon as i heard the news, zelda. tell me, how did it happen? um... would you excuse me for a moment? who do we invite to the wake? hilda, brock's here. oh, that's right. we've got a date.

when he sees me, he'll know i'm not. you can't go in there. he's not as dumb as he looks. he'll know you faked your death because your paintings weren't selling. then i'll tell him they weren't my paintings. and he'll know you've been untruthful. and the beautiful relationship you two had will be tainted by lies and more lies. just my luck. i meet the guy of my dreams, but i die. i'll let him down gently. i know it's got to hurt, hilda but you did kind of bring it on yourself. what am i talking to a cat for? i don't have to tell brock about the paintings. i'll tell him the newspaper made a mistake. hilda spelminsky died. ( chuckling ) oh, there, there. it's okay to cry. just use this tissue instead of my blouse. oh, sorry. hi, brock. the newspaper made a mistake. ( screams )

( screams ) okay... that's not the way he usually greets me. sorry, but brock said he needed closure so i zapped in some photos of you in a coffin. i'm so pale. you're dead. okay, stay here and lay off the magic tricks. i'll go figure out what to do. i've been thinking about it. it's going to be so weird, sabrina. i'm going to have to hide my magical powers and make up excuses for the rest of my life. you have no idea what kind of stress i'm going to be under. right. i have no idea. have you guys got a minute? oh, look, hilda. sabrina's going through that charming "to assert my independence i'm making myself as ugly as possible" phase. i'll explain later. i may have gotten into a small problem with charitable magic. you did? didn't you read the advisory by the witches' council in my magazine? it couldn't have been more explicit. i blame the school system.

not a particularly good one, but still... all right, sabrina. here's what you have to do to reverse the spell. first, change your clothes. there's no reason to make the situation sadder than it is. then you've got to take valerie home and somehow convince mr. and mrs. birckhead to say, in these precise words "we're happy valerie has changed." got it? why do i want them to say that? i want them to be not happy that valerie has changed. we know it's ironic. we know it's illogical but believe it or not we know more about these things than you do. okay, okay. it shouldn't be very hard. mr. and mrs. birckhead are thrilled with the new valerie. what happened? you guys were so upbeat before. remember that bridge i was telling you about? it's still standing... 20 feet below sea level. i just got fired for recommending a heart patient loosen up and try lard. well, what about warren?

electrical sockets are not toys. if you ask me, our troubles started about the time valerie changed. oh, but you're glad she changed, right? not at all. we miss the old valerie. you didn't realize how much you missed her until she changed so you're really glad she changed. no. i see. okay, well, i know what will liven things up. let's play charades. now? now? i'll go first. it's not the name of a book or a movie or anything. it's just a particular phrase, okay? uh, small? wee? yes. okay, "we." next word-- mrs. birckhead: oh, i've got it. happy. okay, "we're happy..." valerie? okay, "we're happy valerie..." we're almost done. mom, dad, i can't keep it a secret any longer. i've got magical powers. watch. valerie, you changed warren into a dingo. "changed." you said "changed."

did... i just see what i thought i saw? of course not. it's that crackpot diet of yours. you eat enough pastrami and bear claws you're going to start seeing things. what-what happened? how did i get here? you seemed to believe you had magical powers, dear. you tried to change warren into a dingo. i did? i'm such a loser! ( sobbing )

that's all? yes. you've got to read and chronologically organize all of your aunt zelda's enchanted by magazines. tter settled. and there will be you a quiz whenad and you're done.dodo fine. as a frequent victim of your punishments i'd say you guys are getting soft. whoa! did i mention that i've been a loyal enchanted by subscriber for over 375 years? believe it or not, this is nothing compared to the international male catalogs she's got stacked in the basement. this is child abuse. do you know how many paper cuts i could get? salem: you think you've got it bad?

captions paid for by paramount domestic television let's go. we have a 27-year-old female with severe lower abdominal pain. coleman, this is your patient. she was fine until this evening. her roommate called the ambulance. she's cold and clammy. pulse is 100 and rapid. blood pressure 80 over 60. come on, coleman. she's shocky. it's obvious. we need more information. have you had vaginal bleeding? yes. you think you're pregnant? my last period was six weeks ago. what do you think, coleman? i need to do a pelvic exam and pregnancy test,