>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight one direction from "how to get away with murder", tom verica this week in unnecessary censorship and music from jessie j featuring 2 chainz with cleto and the cletones and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everybody, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show.

thank you for watching. thank you for coming. your enthusiasm is noted and appreciated. hey, guess who's on the show tonight? one direction is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that doesn't seem so important right now because apparently someone is being murdered. all five members of one direction are here. why do girls scream when they see their favorite pop stars? do you think it's genetic? i wonder if millions of years ago there was some handsome neanderthal playing a gord and all the neanderthal women went ah ahh! in any event, it's very exciting. i've already fainted nine times. lots of team have lined up in the alley in the back of our studio. it's like tween skid row out there. one young woman who has been here since last night, actually she came yesterday afternoon, like what are you doing here?

she's like i'm going to sleep over. she left in the alley overnight, not even to come into the show. he's hoping to see one direction get out of the car and come inside which is like three feet of seeing them. after this she's headed to camp outside walmart for black friday. she might be homeless for all i know. but let's just take a deep breath and collect ourselves and pace ourselves. one direction will be out shortly. from out to get away with murder, tom verica is here and we have music from jesse j. and 2 chainz tonight. who knows where this night might take us. we have something going on in front of our theatre. here in l.a. we don't have snow, but we do have celebrities so we came up with something fun. i think it's fun. let's go out to hollywood boulevard right now where our kim kardashian no blower is standing by. isn't that lovely?

we imported snow from somewhere. all right, is it jammed? . this is an 18-inch, 13.5 amplified -- all right. you know, not all jobs in hollywood are glamorous. what is going on out there? i feel like i'm judging a 4-h event. don't lose your wedding ring in there. that would be hard to explain. we'll work on that. even kim kardashian's snow blower doesn't work. what? you're right, she works real hard. president obama gave a speech on immigration tonight, and none of the big four tv networks aired it. even television wants to distance itself from president obama now. cbs, fox, nbc and abc all chose

not to interrupt their regularly scheduled primetime programming tonight. here at abc we're only interested in the president if he's having sex with olivia pope. i'm sure all the networks will be there to cover it when he pardons the turkey. this is fun, people tell me when they meet knee that i look different in real life than i do on tv and i'm never sure if it's a compliment or not, probably not. we decided to have a bit of fun with that. we posted a sign in front of our studio that said take a photo with jimmy kimmel. people lined up to take a photo with me, bme wasn't me. we brought in a guy who kind of looks like me. i wanted to see if anyone noticed. i think the best words i can use to describe this experiment is inexplicab inexplicable.

>> are you guys fans of jimmy kimmel? >> we are, yes. >> are you excited to meet him? >> yeah, this is a spur of the moment thing. we had to jump in. >> never met a celebrity so kind of star stuck. >> this is our photographer jack. >> hi. taylor, nice to meet you, i'm jack. nice to meet you. bring you guys right over here on the couch. this is jimmy. >> hi, what is your name? >> taylor. >> nice to meet you, taylor. >> paloma. >> nice to meet you. have a seat. >> thank you. are you guys big fans of the show? >> we are. >> what's your favorite part? they'll take pictures. >> the mean celebrity tweets. that's my favorite. >> are you guys on twitter? >> absolutely. >> right over here, guys. >> good.

>> all right. >> cool. >> wait -- >> jimmy: everything all right? >> no. i totally thought that was somebody else at first. >> jimmy: what was? are you guys on drugs? >> one more, guys. >> you guys watch the show? >> we do. you look a little different. >> it's television. >> okay. the camera adds like four or five inches of height. >> right here, guys. right here. >> jay: big smiles. there we go. okay, guys. right here, big smiles, big smiles. say cheese. >> ahh! >> i'm like, why are you doing

this. >> jimmy: you didn't believe it? >> no. >> jimmy: i thought it was pretty close. what set you off? >> his face. >> jimmy: i told you not to use that face. >> are you excited to meet jimmy kimmel? >> of course i am. >> tell me why. >> i think he's fantastic and i watch him a lot. >> this is jimmy. >> hi, guys, how are you. >> jodi. >> nice to meet you. have a seat, guys. can i get jodi over here. >> where are you guys from? >> new york. >> you watch the show a lot? >> yeah. >> what is my favorite part. >> the kyra sedgwick thing the other night. >> that was really good. tell me again what happened. >> with kyra? the smoking part, that was funny. >> right here, guys. right here.

awesome. look to the left real quick. >> jimmy: good to meet you guys. >> you, too, thank you. >> thank you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you guys sense anything was wrong when you were taking pictures before? >> no. nothing happened. >> jimmy: you're not policemen, i hope. >> no. i'm a lawyer though. >> jimmy: really? >> right here, guys. >> is he doing rabbit ears? i have an 8-year-old who likes to do that. >> it was great meeting you. >> nice meeting you, too. go sun devils. thank you. nice to meet you. thank you. >> thanks a lot. very nice to meet you.

>> i have no idea. that was the most bizarre thing ever. >> those are the two least observant people on the planet. i'm not even sure i am me. they were lawyers. all right, let's check back in with the kim kardashian snow blower which i believe we have working now. let's fire it up and blow some snow! that's kind of sad. it's really going. that's a good way to get your son to shovel the driveway. i'm planning to give one of these to kanye for christmas. all right, well, i think we get it. the joke will be on us when she

makes $10 million selling those somewhere. kim kardashian's rear end generated a lot of attention this week, some of it negative attention. people are quick to tweet unflattering things but it's important to remember that everyone has feelings so from time to time we ask famous people to read some of the not to nice things that are tweeted about them. these are all -- what you're about to see, they're all actual tweets written by what i assume are actual people, misspellings and everything and there are a lot of them. it's time now for our 8th edition of mean tweets. >> gwyneth paltrow, you ugly ass big bird looking bitch. shut the mute up. . >> popular opinion, lena den um's boobs are dog's noses.

>> does gerard butler have a massive student loan or something? >> no. >> ty burrell looks like jon hamm if jon hamm as a crack addict. >> how old is bob new hart now, 120? >> i feel like britney spears is stalking me on the radio. quit forcing your suckage on me. >> gina davis is a real man's man. >> chloe moretz or whatever her stupid name is looked like my [mute]. seriously, she is not decent looking whatsoever. you must have a really bleached [mute]. >> [mute] off, chris pratt. >> i hate scott foley. he's tv poison for one thing and

he's a [mute] creep with a raper face. >> michael chick lis looks like a skroet um. >> ted danson sucks donkey balls. he's right. >> john stay mows has a gross belly button. shut the [mute] up. i don't have that. he's right. >> i hope you all have a great weekend, except you, lisa kudrow. [mute] you. >> if an alien landed here and demanded a famous person to eat, i'd drive straight to adam sandler's house with a net. [mute]. >> jimmy: tonight on the show we have music from jesse j. with 2 chainz.

tom verica from "how to get away with murder" is here. this week in unnecessary censorship is still to come. and we'll be right back with one direction. stick around. [car revving] [car revving] ♪ ♪ [car revving] introducing the first ever 306 horsepower lexus rc coupe. once driven, there's no going back.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello again, everyone. tonight, from "how to get away with murder". the victim, if you can call him that, tom verica is here. then later, a talented lady from london and a talented gentleman from georgia, the new album is called "sweet talker" jessie j featuring 2 chainz from the at&t stage. you can see jessie j and one direction at the american music awards on sunday night here on abc. next week on our show we have a great group of guests lined up for you. including jennifer aniston, mindy kaling, ken jeong, evangeline lilly, ronda rousey, chris pine, and we will have music from pitbull and ne-yo, and rick ross. join us for those shows then.

our first guests tonight are on enormously popular music group. you taught me something very important about myself and that was i didn't know i was beautiful. turns out that's what makes me beautiful. their brand new album is called "four." please welcome harry, liam, louie, niall and zayn, one direction. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's very good to have you guys here. thank you for coming.

do you ever get used to that? that's a remarkable thing, it really is. most people don't get that. >> crazy. >> jimmy: you know, we had people camped outside sleeping in our alley so they could see you open the car door and just come in. would you ever marry a girl -- i'll direct this specifically at harry who wet the bed every night? would that be a deal breaker for you? we've got a girl here who wets the bed in our audience. do you ever feel like your fans love you so much that they want to kill and eat you like you are physically in danger? do you ever feel threatened? >> no. >> jimmy: never, huh? what's the strangest thing people have given you or sent to you? >> remember the first thing we

got? someone picked some, like, mushrooms, like cooking mushrooms. they drew our faces on them and put googly eyes on them and dressed them up as us. >> that was a strange one. >> remember the time someone sent us a hermit crab. >> people shouldn't send you things that are true, right? have you ever been -- obviously teenage girls get excited to see you but have you ever been there where the teenage girl loves you but then her mother hits on you? >> sometimes they almost like push them out of the way. >> sometimes the kid doesn't want to be there and the mom just brought the kid as like a scape goat. >> there were a couple where the moms have been like my daughter loves you and you look at the daughter and she's like --

>> jimmy: diabolical using your child as a prop. when johnny depp was here, he said that you guys all came to his house. i'm assuming that's true and it wasn't some mushroom-based hallucination. were you all there? did you all do that together? >> yeah. >> what was that like? >> he's got a few houses. >> jimmy: did you go to all of them? >> we had a drink at each one. >> he has one house that's like a music studio and he's got cool guitars and you just find yourself in the most surreal situation like with captain jack sparrow. >> jimmy: in situations like that a lot. i think you met the duke and duchess of cambridge last week, right? >> yeah. >> is that the first time you had met them? >> yeah. it's like, they're really nice. >> what a statement. >> you're meeting someone in

like the most unnatural meeting ever because you've got six people on either side of you saying don't say this, don't say that. >> jimmy: they gave you instruction as well? >> good evening ma'am. not like good even mum but like ma'am. >> jimmy: you called prince william ma'am? that's very strange. >> he liked it. >> jimmy: well who wouldn't like it. your last tour just finished last month. >> yep. >> jimmy: and now right away you have to turn around and promote the new album. when did you even record the new album if you've been on tour? >> we've got a little trailer thing we have with us and we did it in hotel rooms and stuff. we just like do it in the middle of the day and then go on stage. >> jimmy: this was recorded in a trailer? >> yeah, in a trailer. >> jimmy: you can get a country music audience with that. was the trailer moving while you

were recording it or did it come to a complete stop? since there's a bunch of you guys, i want to ask some questions and you can choose who answers these questions, but i wanted to find out who is most likely to -- i'll fill in the blank. who is most likely to forget lyrics? >> probably liam. you sometimes worry about it anyway. >> sometimes. sometimes you're caught reading someone's sign and you'll start to sing what's on the sign. >> yeah, you got to be careful. >> some people have really, really brilliant signs. >> jimmy: which of you is most likely to disappear for a couple of days without contacting the other? zayn, you're engaged, right? >> i am, that's correct. >> jimmy: do you guys think it's a good idea that zayn is getting

married? >> i can't wait for the stag party. >> jimmy: zayn, you must think it's a good idea. >> i do. >> jimmy: i'm going to tell you right now, it is not a good idea, and we'll have a talk about this. i mean, i hope it goes well. i hope i'm wrong. we'll leave it at that. please invite me to the bachelor party. >> i'm definitely going to get in trouble when i get home now. >> jimmy: who is most likely to let a woman split the band apart? >> we've never really had that problem. >> none of us. >> actually one time niall wrote a song about liam. >> we do this live stream thing and you made like a joke about something but everyone takes things so seriously. >> jimmy: things get taken out of context. >> i wrote one of the songs on

the new album about liam's girlfriend and it was taken very literally. >> jimmy: was it literally or are you now just saying it's a joke because there was trouble? who is most likely to go bald first? we're going to take a break. i would love it if you guys could help me with something, an idea that i think would be a very big thing. i know you guys are always looking to get more twitter followers. you have like only like 120 million between you, but when we come back, i would like to assemble what i feel will be the cutest selfie ever taken in the history of the world. selfies go way back, it's not just -- they used to paint selfies many, many years ago. we're going to take a break. when we come back we're going to put together the cutest -- and you're in this, too, guillermo, because you're pretty [mute]

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is one direction and this is their new album called "four." the first three have been number one albums. you're performing at the american music awards on sunday night. you're nominated repeatedly, including artist of the year of the you're not even american. i don't think we get nominated for your awards over there.

i think it's somewhat remarkable so congratulations. >> thank you. >> are you going on tour to promote this album? >> yeah. >> we've come up with a new show. we start in sydney in february and it goes through to the end of the year next year. we're coming back to the states next year. the tour is called on the road again. we start in san diego on the 9th of july. >> jimmy: we all say san diego even though it's wrong. san diego sounds good also. when you're at a show like the american music awards, do you still get excited about being in the room with these big, big pop stars? >> personally i think it's like the most nerve racking thing. >> jimmy: is it really? >> yeah. you see people, like when we met johnny depp. >> we kind of feel like we don't really know anyone and we just sit there. >> we were at the vmas last year

and all the artists were sitting around us and we're sitting there. everyone is drinking beer and champagne and rihanna is sitting behind us with a glass of champagne and we're sitting there with foot long hot dogs and i turned to him and said we are the worst celebrities. >> jimmy: but you're good baseball fans. let's do this if you don't mind. let's open the curtains and show the back drop we have here. this is going to be cute. it looks more like a candy land nightmare but i think it will be better when you guys are in front of it. >> it's like a weird porno back there. >> jimmy: what kind of pornos are you watching? i've got a camera here and i got -- come on over here. guillermo is going to be very helpful with us. >> you even have music. >> jimmy: yes, we even have music to walk to.

>> this is like willie wonka. >> jimmy: i want to get everybody in there. you know what, that's cute but it's not as cute as it could be. let's get some stuffed animals, guillermo. give us some stuffed animals. there we go, all right. that will be nice. everyone select a stuffed animal. you got one, all right, i got one, too. my little pony. we do have some hats and tiaras and what not. anybody want a bunny? >> like alice in wonderland. >> jimmy: my nephew looks like harry and if we had a mini harry, that would be cuter.

that's my nephew. see how cute he is? all right. what do you think, wesley? are you having fun? okay. kittens -- should we get some kittens out here, wesley? can we get some kittens in a tea cup? okay, that's pretty cute. you know what, if we had cut kis though, we should get a dog. get the world's cutest dog. >> you got it. >> jimmy: are you ready to see the world's cutest dog? who wants to hold the world's cutest dog? guillermo, also like a little -- maybe a unicorn pony, some kind of a combination of a unicorn pony. >> okay, jimmy.

>> jimmy: i don't know where he gets all this stuff. >> it's like narn ya. >> jimmy: there's a unicorn pony. look at this, wesley. all right. you know what, maybe if we had like twin little girl ballerinas in like ballerina costumes would be a nice thing. oh, there they are. hello, girls. they're adorable. these guys are adorable. is that it? are we set? is that all we need? if we had a cute baby or something, like, yeah, some kind of a baby like with a cherry on top or something like that. what do you think of the unicorn? oh, a baby dressed as a cherry, okay. and guillermo, too. i'm going to try to get everybody in there. make sure we got everyone in. do we have everyone in?

ready? >> i'm losing a kitten! i'm losing a kitten! >> jimmy: all right, close enough. we got it. thank you, gentlemen. "four" is available now. one direction, everybody. we'll be right back with this week in unnecessary censorship. yeah so with at&t next you get the new iphone for $0 down. zero down? zilch. nothing. nada. small potatoes. no potatoes. diddly squat. big ol' goose egg. the new iphone, zero down. zero. zilch. said that already. zizeroni. not a thing. zamboni. think that's a hockey thing. you know what, just sign us up.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tom verica and music from jesse j with 2 chainz is on the way. it's thursday night and it's time for our tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is this week in unnecessary scien censorship. >> the hum of [mute] is a familiar sound. >> the biggest [mute] ever in american sports, the answer ahead. >> a wave of [mute] cold and snow. >> you're a [mute]er. >> in terms of [mute]ing, i am

not an expert on this. i will hold forth from saying anything except to say that it appears that [mute]ing in some cases does cause earthquakes. >> i'm going to go to the gym and work out and take a [mute] with my wife. >> two people are in the hospital after a [mute] exploded. >> i'm curious how often you all [mute] my mom. >> i [mute] my mother at least five times a week. >> turns out we've all been [mute] wrong. >> [mute] you. [mute] you, all of you, [mute] every last one of you. >> let's imagine a big [mute]. let's imagine the biggest [mute] ever. look. >> that's the biggest [mute]

i've ever seen! >> jimmy: we'll be right back with tom verica. ♪ it's a marshmallow world in the winter. ♪ ♪ when the snow comes to cover the ground. ♪ ♪ it's a time for play, it's a whipped cream day. ♪ ♪ i wait for it all year round... ♪

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>> jimmy: by day our next guest is director and co-executive producer of "scandal." by night he plays a villainous dead person sam keating on "how to get away with murder." please say hello to tom verica. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: weird thing, when i came in this morning i saw you in the alley screaming for one direction. >> it was me, it was me. following kids, animals and a boy band is a tough thing to do. >> jimmy: really. you were responsible for a lot of television tonight here on abc. this is very interesting to me that you're executive producer of scandal, and then how do you wind up acting on how to get away with murder? >> it's a well orchestrated

dance. i actually have been on scandal for -- this is the fourth season we're in now. i started directing an episode in the first season. i came aboard full time in the second season directing a lot of the episodes and then shonda, my boss, came to me as she had done before and said i like you, we have this new pilot on how to get away with murder and i'd like you to have this part played by vie ola davis' character. i said i was doing scandal. >> jimmy: that concern got scared and stopped clapping. like oh, no i'm not from there. i'm from pittsburgh. i heard the ppp. >> logistically i wasn't quite sure how it was going to work. she said i have it in my mind for you playing this part. i want you to do it. how do you say no -- would you

say no to shonda rhimes. >> jimmy: of course not. >> so i said yes. >> jimmy: i don't want to give too much away because many people dvr it and i don't want to be the spoiler but your character, we know, is dead. >> he is? >> jimmy: he's the murdered character, but your character is alive through -- really your character is kind of a crappy guy in general. would you agree with that? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: doesn't have a lot of redealing qualities. is that a fun thing to play or are you like, i wish he could be a little nicer? >> i've played a lot of nice guy roles, so when pete know walk who is the creator, when we started talking about the character and what it was, he said we're going to turn this character pretty dark and do some things that may not make him likable. as an actor and knowing that i have a day job at scandal, i knew there was an end game and

my run would be pretty limited, but i thought it to be a great opportunity. >> jimmy: people who watch the show hate you? >> yeah, i think after last week's episode there was a specific moment that kind of turned. i think through the lies of this character which was kind of a challenge as i got the script each week to say i'm not lying about this and i found out the next week that i was, it kind of reached a point and the character made a decision in last week's episode that i think pretty much cut off everybody. i get a lot of hate tweets and -- >> jimmy: do people approach you personally? >> they do. >> jimmy: great. >> i take my son to school every morning and i go to drop off and i'm getting a lot of really kind of crooked looks from many of the moms and people who know me at the school say i love you but i really hate you. >> jimmy: it's just a character,

i don't write it. i guess that's a compliment for an actor. >> i took my son to the laker game last weekend. this guy and his girlfriend came down and said oh, my gosh, are you tom from how to get away with murder. i said sam, the character. he said would you please take a picture with my girlfriend. i said sure. so we take a picture and he pulls back and says that's great. i'm not going to take a picture of you because i don't like your character. i'm with my son who looks up and says who's that guy? but i found it interesting that the guy didn't want to take the picture with me. i figured he would be high fiving me. >> jimmy: no. he's got a strong moral compass. you mentioned a moment ago that you're from philadelphia. >> that's correct. >> jimmy: and when you were living in philadelphia you were on a local television show there. this is a show kelly ripa was on as well when she was just a kid. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and of course as we are known to do, we found some

video footage. what is the name of this show? >> oh, boy. i was in high school. this was a local dance show called dancing on air. >> jimmy: awesome. >> it was in -- i'll say what year it was although you probably figured it out. it ran -- i was in the very beginning of the seasons, and my sister really wanted to get on the show so i went down an begged and pleaded and got her in, and wanted to meet women on the show. yeah, it was -- >> jimmy: well, let's take a look. >> wait a minute. >> jimmy: that's you. is your sister in there somewhere, too? oh, look at that. >> oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you have fans as a result of that? like did people recognize you like, hey?

>> i'm a little stunned in seeing that. i haven't seen it for quite some time. it was a fairly popular show in the tristate area. yeah, it was -- there were many fans of that show. >> jimmy: i'm glad we got to share that with america. >> thank you for that. >> jimmy: you're welcome. tom verica, everybody. with murder" return to abc with new episodes january 29th. when we return, music from jessie j featuring 2 chainz. >> jimmy: i want to thank one ♪

there it is... this is where i met your grandpa. right under this tree. ♪ (man) some things are worth holding onto. they're hugging the tree. (man) that's why we got a subaru.

or was it that tree? (man) introducing the all-new subaru outback. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. one direction, tom verica and apologize to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. here with her song "burning up" jesse j with 2 chainz!

♪ walking through the fire please don't let me go ♪ ♪ take me to the river i need you to know ♪ ♪ i'm burnin' up come put me out come and put me out i'm burning up ♪ ♪ come put me out come and put me out hot in the kitchen like a thousand degrees ♪ ♪ that's how i'm feeling when you're next to me i got a fever tell me what did you do ♪ ♪ temperature rising when i look at you look at you ♪ subliminal sex drippin' in sweat i'm losing my breath ♪ ♪ look what i've found it's 'bout to go down i want it right now walking through ♪

♪ the fire please don't let me go take me to ♪ ♪ the river i need you to know i'm burnin' up ♪ ♪ come put me out come and put me out i'm burnin' up come put me out ♪ ♪ come and put me out i'm burnin' up come put me out come and put me out ♪ ♪ i'm burnin' up come put me out come and put me out hey ♪ ♪ i've got the matches you've got the gasoline light up the floor like it's billie jean ♪ ♪ the way we're moving by the end of the song they're gonna have to pull the fire f-fire alarm ♪ ♪ subliminal sex drippin' in sweat i'm losing my breath look what i've found ♪ ♪ it's 'bout to go down i want it right now

walking through the fire walking through the fire ♪ ♪ please don't let me go please don't let me go take me to the river take me to the river ♪ ♪ i need you to know ♪ it's fresh out the grill million dollar grill look fresh on the hill plus i'm six-five ♪ ♪ she need to step in some heels before you step up in here ♪ ♪ you need to step up your gear wish a lamborghini had four doors ♪ ♪ from the corner store to the corridor me and my homie on the damn floor ♪ ♪ white girl in the middle looking like an oreo i'm burnin' up ♪ ♪ two four five we can burn up turn up for what turn up ♪ ♪ must learn no back in the day used to down with a burn light got the lord ♪ ♪ on the top floor in a ford wearin' tom ford ♪ ♪ walk in the club and her ass start clappin' tell shawty i want an encore ♪ ♪ come put me out come and put me out come put me out ♪ ♪ come and put me out come put me out come and put me out come put me out ♪

♪ come and put me out i'm burning up come and put me out i'm burning up ♪ ♪ come and put me out i'm burning up come and put me out ♪ ♪ i'm burning up come and put me out ♪ so much pressure why so loud if you don't like my sound ♪ ♪ you can turn it down i got a road and i walk it alone 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪ ♪ uphill battle i look good when i climb i'm ferocious precocious i get braggadocios ♪ ♪ i'm not gonna stop i like the view from the top ♪ you talk that blah blah that la-la that rah-rah -- ♪ ♪ and i'm so done i'm so over it sometimes i mess up

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