tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC January 16, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am EST
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- mel brooks. from "into the woods," christine baranski. "this year in unnecessary censorship." and music from jenny lewis. with cleto and the cletones. and now, to be on the safe side, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. happy holidays to everyone. you like my look? [ cheers and applause ]
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i bought this at the men's y-house. i saw this online, i ordered it, it came in a box. i never got a suit in a book before. this is like the franzia of suits. i got one for guillermo, too. [ cheers and applause ] you actually look like -- you look like a mexican politician. >> guillermo: i do? i like it. i feel very sexy. >> jimmy: you look very sexy. you really do. we look like at the christmas aisle at cvs. when the suits came it said 100% polyester and 200% amazing. i definitely agree with the polyester part of it. christmas, only one week from tonight. which means you better start practicing your "oh my god i love it" face. do people hang mistletoe in their house? i feel mistletoe what is we had
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before tinder. now we don't need it. 2,000 years ago, a holy child was born. they made him holy because without holes he couldn't breathe or eat. christmas is a strange holiday. if you think about it. it's jesus' birthday. i didn't get him anything. i got you an ipad. nobody knows jesus' exact birthday because he refuses to sign up for facebook. we celebrate, it's the third night of hannukah, which means the jewish kids are already three presents up on the gentile kids. but we'll catch up to them. we're like the tom brady of the present-getters. we rally with -- >> hi, everybody, happy hannukah! [ cheers and applause ] >> hi jimmy. >> jimmy: hello. who are you? >> i'm the hanukkorn.
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the hanukkah unicorn. ready for the hanukkah cheer? special time of year. it's night number three as you can see, by my horn candles. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah, i can see, yes. i've never heard of the hanukorn before. >> some people call me the jewacorn. i know many jewish people no one mentioned the hanukorn. >> interesting. i know many jewish people and none of them have mentioned the hanukkah unicorn. it's never been mentioned once. >> that's bizarre. i'm sure your audience members know about the hanukkah unicorn, right, people? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. this is gary greenburg, one of our writers on the show, he's desperately been trying to get more hanukkah material into the show so he's created this fake character, the hannukorn, which is not real. >> it is a real thing.
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how do you explain the popularity of my classic song? hit it challenge ♪ ♪ hannukorn everyone spread the news ♪ ♪ ho ho ho ha ha ha yay you ♪ hannukorn >> jimmy: it's a terrible song set to "jingle bells." you ripped off "jingle bells." >> i didn't rip off this. ladies and gentlemen, i bring to you -- >> jimmy: wow. a dreidel dog. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, there you go. hannukorn and dreidel dog. [ cheers and applause ]
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do you have anything like that in mexico, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, no way. >> jimmy: in mexico they spell hanukkah with a lot of js. how many are you visiting for the holidays tonight? [ cheers and applause ] the only thing more special than shopping for the holidays is traveling. they say this will be the busiest holiday travel season ever. an estimated 99 million americans will travel more than 50 miles to be with their families for christmas. imagine how far we would go to see people we like. more than 9 out of 10 travelers will be driving partly because of the price of gas. gas is cheaper than it has been for five years and makes a great stocking stuffer by the way if you're looking for something. it's always a little odd going home for the holidays you realize things like, your parents have had the same weird bow of dried potpourri since you were in high school. carpeting on the bathroom floor. the toilet seats are cushioned. you find out your mother converted your childhood bedroom into a meth lab.
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or is that just me? you know, the other thing about visiting your parents is they cannot wait for you to wake up. the worst thing you can do to your parents is sleep late when you're visiting them. for two reasons. number one, they don't like the idea they raised a kid who sleeps till noon. number two, they have nothing left to say to each other. they want you to get up and talk to them. they can't wait. there's really some kind of comment when you wake up. "we assumed you were dead." really? you assumed your son was dead, your response was to keep eating oatmeal? this is strange. in catalonia, spain, they have a holiday tradition involving a character called tea de nadal. teo is a pooping christmas log. they put a log in the fireplace and order it to poop, for real. to make it log poop they beat it with sticks. that's some serious potty training right there. this is what they do, this is
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true. in the weeks leading up to christmas they give it a lot to eat, on christmas day the children hit it with sticks and go to another room to pray. while they're praying the parents leave candies and nuts under a blanket then tell them the log pooped them out. like the world's worst pinata in a way. how did this tradition come to be? they have a log that bpoops out gifts? why would it want to give you presents after that? if somebody did that to me i would call the police on them tonight. other countries are weird, guys. try to steer clear of them. we have a very good show tonight. the man, the myth, the incredible mel brooks is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] a great way to wrap up the year. this week, we started with garth brooks and we finish it out with mel. not too many people know this. mel, his first name is short for melted butter. his given name is melted butter brooks.
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seems fitting that mel brooks is here tonight given all that's been going on with sony pictures and the movie "the interview." in the '60s, mel directed a satire about a dictator called "the producers." but he had the good sense to do it after hitler was dead. by the way, do you know "star wars episode 7" comes out exactly one year from today. as long as we don't get threats from darth vader. although i hear the portrayal of the dark side is very fair. now, i like to take a moment if you'll allow me to thank some of the unsung heroes who work on our show. on our staff we have four guys who watch tv all day and night. they're watching tv and looking at the internet, looking for funny and strange moments for us to see. their names are jake, joe, jesse, anthony. they're very pale, they look like naked mole rats, in terrible condition. at the end of the each year, just before they die, they go through all of the great clips that we find. we select the best of the best. and with that said, it's time to
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present the nominees for "clip of the year 2014." [ cheers and applause ] and the nominees are -- for "clip of the year" here's ronny. >> you know, that is -- what the hell's going on over there? hey, ron. >> hey, billy. >> stop and drink the roses. >> -- followed her victory speech, she asked her and her supporters to say a prayer for gina roberson who is hospitalized for stressful illness. she says they'll remain friends and work together in this harrisburg community. working for you today in harrisburg, abc 27 news. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> room-o mars. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: bow ties speak louder than words. >> the lord tonight has set you free. >> yes, sir. >> turn around and tell those people. >> i'm not gay no more. i am delivered! i don't like men no more. i like women, women, women. i said women, i'm not gay. i would not date a man. i about will not carry a purse. i will not put on makeup.
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i will love a woman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: raved and confused. >> james taylor says it was a party for the record books. capturing these images while standing on the roof of his home with a crowd of roughly 2,000 people cheering him on. with two deejays, a fire thrower, gogo dancers and strippers. he says he successfully threw the largest party ever to hit west michigan. >> i didn't force anything down anybody's throat. i didn't make anybody stay here until 7:00 a.m. or 11:00 or whenever it is everybody finally left. i didn't make this kid pass out on my floor. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and saran trap. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and the winner of "clip of the year 2014" is -- bowties speak louder than words. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: unfortunately the star of this video, andrew caldwell, was unable to be here to accept this evening, very busy trying to keep that gay dragon in the cage. here to accept on his behalf, please welcome george takei. captain sulu himself. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, jimmy. andrew would have loved to be here tonight. but he's busy watching the titans/jaguars game with all of his totally straight friends. [ laughter ] so, on behalf of the gay community, i would like to say, andrew, we're sorry to see you go. and we'll miss you and we'll miss all of your festive bowties. and if you change your mind and
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want to come back, we would be glad to beam you right back up! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] no questions asked. so, now, if you'll forgive me, i have to go back to being not straight no more. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so nice to see you. george takei, everyone. congratulations to everyone involved. tonight on the show, music from jenny lewis. christine baranksi is here, plus "this year in unnecessary censorship." and we'll be right back with mel brooks so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by
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oh, i had to go to the bank. if you look legit they give you special treatment. seriously? seriously, yeah. the banker dude set up my checking account so if i make one deposit a month, no monthly maintenance fee. special treatment! citizens bank, right? yep. you know they do that one deposit checking thing for everyone, right?
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and...you got mustard on your suit. actually, it's your suit. one deposit checking. only from citizens bank. one deposit of any amount each statement period waives the monthly maintenance fee. >> jimmy: hello again, everyone. tonight, from "into the woods," which opens christmas day, christine baranski is here. then later, a very gifted
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singer/songwriter, her newest album is called "the voyager," jenny lewis from the at&t outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] that will be a lot of fun. you know, if our first guest's 60 years in show business teach us anything, it's that it's good to be the king. he is the mind behind and in front of movies like "the producers," "blazing saddles" and "young frankenstein," just to name a few. his very first one-man show, "mel brooks live at the geffen" debuts january 31st on hbo, please welcome the one and only mel brooks! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ]
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>> thank you. you didn't fire anybody. >> jimmy: i didn't fire anybody, the wholesale gang from the last time you were here. >> i was talking -- never mind. it's almost nice to be here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, i know, it was a mistake, what are you going to do? i make mistakes. >> when you see the show you're going to be ashamed. you're going to feel like a fool. you do things, then later you watch the show, what was i -- what was i, crazy? >> jimmy: i feel like we should sit, right? we got the chairs. >> watch this. if we sit -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> okay, watch me. every time i do this show, i have a stiff neck for two weeks. >> jimmy: okay. >> so, i'm moving my seat, okay, because -- you know, he's taking the star's seat. you've got to look upstage.
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so all old people -- >> jimmy: sit right here. sit right here. >> all you see is the back of my head. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. let me see what it's like. you're right, it's uncomfortable. it's uncomfortable. we do it for the cameras. okay, all right. now, you're going have to hurdle the thing. it's almost like we're square-dancing. >> hi, how are you? [ speaking spanish ] >> later. >> guillermo: yeah, later. >> jimmy: you're the director. you're welcome to put our furniture anywhere you like. you know, it's -- it's -- you know, it's also -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> not only are we looking upstage, but he's higher, so much higher. oh, let's see. let's see. okay, wait a minute.
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we'll work it through. >> jimmy: is that a booster seat? >> okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> a pleasure to be here. >> jimmy: welcome. >> a pleasure to be here. >> jimmy: how was hanukkah for you? do you celebrate hanukkah? >> yeah, i do everything. >> jimmy: good. it's for kids mostly. >> it is for kids. >> jimmy: but you're still a kid at heart, i would say. >> well, i'm almost 100. but at heart, i am a kid. >> jimmy: you were a man who's made some controversial movies in his time. and now we have this story about sony and "the interview" and north korea and pulling the movie out of the theaters -- >> i waited till hitler was dead. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're no dummy. >> i'm no dummy. >> jimmy: what do you make of all that? >> it's -- you know, i don't know how crazy they are.
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so i'm going to ask you to stop talking about this. [ laughter ] they always -- they're minutes away from the bomb, you know? >> jimmy: don't worry, they'll never spot us with me in this red suit. you're lucky -- >> i never expected you to be funny. >> jimmy: imagine what would have happened -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i want to say, "young frankenstein" is one of my all-time favorite movies. this is the 40th anniversary of that movie coming out. they honored you on the blog. >> it was very sweet. he said, can i name a street after you? i said no. a boulevard? so they named a boulevard. >> jimmy: boulevard is the way to go, it sounds better. mel brooks boulevard. they also painted an enormous mural on the side of the building, will this be there permanently? >> yeah, permanently. >> jimmy: that's fantastic.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> permanently. permanently at a motion pictures studio, that's 18 months, that's permanently. >> jimmy: next summer they'll have the ghostbusters' 30th anniversary. that will be the end of that. >> seth rogen will do a nice picture and they'll put him up. >> jimmy: with that movie, was it always intended to be shot in black and white? we look back at it now and you get confused, maybe all movies were in black and white back then. >> gene wilder and i made a pact. it will be in black and white. we had a deal with columbia, we had a deal. and we shook hands. we're going to make the movie for $2 million. this is in 1973. and on the way out of the meeting, i tilt my head back in the room and i said, oh, by the way, it's going to be in black and white. and i left. down the hall. you heard thundering jews.
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28 jews chasing. no! peru just got color! no! columbia wasn't going for it. but alan ladd jr., alan ladd's son, laddy, just took over fox. and my producer knew him well, got the script to him, and he said, it should be in black and white. and i'll give you $100 more to make it. so, anyway -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was the right call. now it's painted on the side of the wall. by the way, your one-man show is unbelievable. it's so funny. [ laughter ] >> that's for luck. i do that sometimes. people understand. >> jimmy: no one understands. >> you get that. well, you know. i'm a nervous guy. >> jimmy: can we get mel another glass of vodka. mel brooks is here. we'll be right back.
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which is field artillery replacement training center. f.a.r.t. i never forgot that. and used it to advantage. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "mel brooks live at the geffen" january 31st. watch it for the very last time on january 31st. >> watch it for the very last time on january 31st. >> jimmy: they're only airing it once? >> watch it for the very first time also on january 31st. hbo keeps it for a week or two. whatever they do. >> jimmy: you want people to watch it. >> i got $400 to do it. they were very generous. >> jimmy: is it okay if people dvr it and watch it later in the week? >> no, i don't like that. it's there. [ bleep ] see it! [ cheers and applause ] >> i hate that. you know, listen, there's a climate of excitement when something happens for the first
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time. >> jimmy: i agree with you. >> when i was a kid, these fireside chats, you heard fdr, nobody ever dvr'd fdr. you heard him. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's true. last time you were here -- >> it was a stupid idea. it's all right, i'm up with you. >> jimmy: and i'm in this ridiculous -- i feel like i own a bird or something like that. the last time you were here -- >> don't be funny. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> we talked -- are you high on pot or -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i never -- calm down, will you? you're very excited. calm down. you know. >> jimmy: i'm sure they have a good medical reason to be high on pot, if they're indeed high on pot. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: the last time you were here -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we talked about alfred hitchcock who's a person you knew -- our drummer is high on pot. [ laughter ] >> i was a drummer. i was a drummer. the comic got sick. so the owner of the hotel said, mel, boy, you know that junk, you do the comedy, put the sticks down. i got on the stage. and i did impressions. the first impression i did was frank sinatra singing "america the beautiful." [ cheers and applause ] want to hear it? >> jimmy: i'd love to hear it, of course. >> okay, wait, wait.
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♪ hey beautiful ♪ for spacious skies for amber waves of grain ♪ ♪ for purple mountain majesty above the tutti-frutti plains ♪ ♪ america hey america ♪ god shed his grace on thee and kind of sort of care ♪ never mind. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's great. were you nervous? were you scared to go up there? >> when i did -- high anxiety, i was doing high anxiety. after, i got a note from sinatra saying -- he said, i sent the note to jackie who used to run
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the casino at the sands. he said, if i ever get sick, put mel brooks in there. >> jimmy: that's a great compliment. >> yeah. but he said, no comedy. >> jimmy: well, you've got a beautiful voice. you do quite a bit of singing in the one-man show. >> i do, on my hbo special on january 31st. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that night. it is a real treat to have you here. it really is. i thank you so much for coming. >> i'd like to thank you. but i'm not sure, you know, for what you pay me and for the seat and everything, i'm not sure it was a good idea. [ laughter ] >> no, seriously, this has been a joy, bless you. and thank you. >> jimmy: i hope you come back soon. "mel brooks live at the geffen" saturday, january 31st, on hbo. we'll be right back with "this year in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ]
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on this show we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. and they never really need it. and with 2014 coming to a close we compiled our bleepiest moments from the year and assembled them into one seemingly-profane package. and without further nonsense it's time for "this year in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> today on "the chew" we're sending you into the weekend with [ bleep ] and [ bleep ]. >> an hour of [ bleep ]. so delicious. you'll never look at a casserole the same way again. entertainment news, taylor swift just [ bleep ] sold a million [ bleep ]. >> i would like you to [ bleep ] your father's [ bleep ] please. >> i bet you're a winner today, pinto. >> 53 players on the team. [ bleep ] every day after practice. you [ bleep ] literally hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of men. you really think none of them
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have been gay? >> name something you wish were smaller than it is. >> my [ bleep ]. >> welcome. and delicious. >> my mom reached out and grabbed [ bleep ] and said, it's okay, honey, come with me. >> we have got [ bleep ]. the doors open at 2:00. you can see a lot of traffic. >> solid as a [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> we do that at the sajak house every night. >> the spurs were so good in the fourth quarter of game one. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with christine baranski. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello, friends are this beautiful creature is the dc-59 motorhead. not only is it a great vacuum, it is cordless. it's completely cordless. in fact, it's so cordless it's
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(male announcer) want to see your dreams come to life? you could scratch your way to instant winning. the pennsylvania lottery. bring your dreams to life. still to come, music from jenny lewis. if by this time next week, you're sick and tired of hearing "jingle bells" and you can join our next guest for show tunes instead. she stars with meryl streep, anna kendrick, emily blunt, johnny depp and many more in the big movie musical "into the woods." it opens christmas day. please welcome christine baranski! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you meet the great mel brooks? >> am i supposed to follow mel brooks? >> jimmy: it's impossible.
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>> oh, my god, it's like a frat party back there. you're on your way to hiatus. it's definitely hiatus energy. >> jimmy: everything is screwed up. >> people are having some beers back there. >> jimmy: wished they would wait until the show is over. >> i considered it. i thought, no. >> jimmy: at least 40% of our guests are drunk when come out here. have you ever performed drunk? >> you know, once i did a play and i had two glasses of wine between shows. and it was definitely scary. you just don't want to do that. not when you're doing french -- obscure french playwrights. >> jimmy: yes, whenever i do that, i don't ever have a drink. tracey ullman was here earlier in the week. and she said you, she, and meryl streep did some drinking together. >> how these stories developed. we did, we did. i saw her at a cocktail party
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last night. we're doing the press for "into the woods." and it's great and we all adore each other and it's great to see each other. he said baranski, have you spreading stories about us closing joints? jimmy kimmel made it sound like we were doing heroin in picadilly. >> jimmy: yes, she challenged your account of the evening. >> the three of us adore each other so we wanted a nice dinner but we were filming the next day. we said, let's have a really early dinner, 6:00. as we're approaching the restaurant meryl streep and i got a text message saying, the shoot has been canceled, you have the day off. we began dinner at 6:00 and the waiters were waiting for us to leave at about 1:00. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> that doesn't mean we rolled out drunk. we just had a great time. >> jimmy: that does sound like a lot of fun. >> women, like the three of us really dig each other, and it was great to be in a musical together. >> jimmy: you were in "mamma
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mia" with meryl streep -- >> we had fun on that one too. >> jimmy: did you? she's a lot of fun? >> yes. actresses talk about her like she's so intimidating. >> jimmy: i'm surprised how completely down to earth she is. >> goofy, funny, great listener. >> jimmy: violent. >> she's violent? >> jimmy: i thought i'd throw that in there. see if anybody went for it and i guess you did. >> she's scary in this movie. have you seen this movie? >> jimmy: i haven't. >> she's awesome. >> jimmy: she's a very good actor but i haven't seen any of her films. [ laughter ] >> my favorite, there was a comment yesterday from somebody, a kid, saw a screening and he said, my son actually said, oh, those are the two ladies from "mamma mia." imagine that that's their only sense of meryl streep, one of the two ladies in "mamma mia." >> jimmy: that's how it goes, right? that is how it goes. meryl streep told us her house is haunted. have you been to her haunted house?
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>> she and i both have houses in connecticut and i also have lived in a haunted house. >> jimmy: you have? >> my husband grew up in an 18th century connecticut farmhouse. he inherited the house. that's where we raised our kids. in this little rural town. and there is a well-known ghost named barefoot charlie in the house. and he's not malevolent. but yeah, and his tombstone -- >> jimmy: how do you know his name, does he get mail? [ laughter ] >> he was named barefoot charlie -- that's an interesting question. i don't know. but he definitely makes mischief. my husband said when he was a little boy, he heard a piano being played downstairs. and his brother and he were the only people upstairs, there's nobody in the house. a piano was playing. i only know of this ghost because it's a mischievous ghost who like takes things. if you buy a new hammer, pair of scissors, where is it? it's gone. >> jimmy: guys doing construction at my house also do
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that too. tape measures, immediately they disappear. maybe i'm haunted also, i don't know what's going on. "into the woods" is a group of -- >> all of these different fairy-tale characters. you have had emily on and tracey on. it's a phenomenal movie, rob marshall has done a great job of directing it. and it's all that great steven sondheim music. johnny depp is the wolf. meryl is the witch. emily is the baker's wife. james corden is the baker. and tracey is jack's mom. >> jimmy: jack from jack in the bean >> it's a delicious movie. >> jimmy: you play which character? >> i play cinderella's evil stepmom. somebody has to do it. bad attitude, great clothes. it's kind of what i do. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: when you play a role like that do you base it on instances where you've seen the musical before? >> no, i never do that.
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i bet most actors try not to look at other people's work and base it on that. you base it on a lot of amalgam of different influences. rob and i talked about how this particular stepfamily, their hair is too big, too blonde, everything's a little much. if they were in contemporary life, they would want their own reality show. or have their own reality show. >> jimmy: i see. >> you know where i'm going? >> jimmy: kardashian-esque? >> i didn't say it. >> jimmy: yes. interesting. i think they'll be delighted by that. wow, all right. you're saying it's like a sex thing? >> no. >> jimmy: oh, you did not say that, maybe i said that. >> can't get enough attention thing. >> jimmy: very good to see. >> thank you. >> jimmy: have a terrific holiday. "into the woods," christine baranski, opens christmas day. we'll be right back with jenny lewis. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank mel brooks, christine baranski, george takei, and i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. we'll tray to get him on the show next year. i want to wish all of you a happy holiday. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is called "the voyager," here with the song "she's not me" with some help from z berg and ryan adams, jenny lewis. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i used to think you could save me i've been wondering lately ♪ ♪ heard she's having your baby
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and everything's so amazing ♪ ♪ it goes on and on and on and on it goes on and on and on and on ♪ ♪ but she's not me she's easy ♪ all those times we were makin' love i never thought we'd be breakin' up ♪ ♪ i bet you tell her i'm crazy ♪ it goes on and on and on and on it goes on and on and on and on ♪
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, catch me if you can. >> dr. harris? do you concur? >> can it really be this easy to pass as a doctor? for one 17-year-old the answer was yes. he's not the only imposter who could be posing at your local hospital. katy perry shows her love of kittens. if you're into dancing robots there's a spot for that too. whatever floats your boat you can find. welcome to the weird world of concept cafes. red carpet rivalries. jennifer aniston can rock a red carpet, even if she has to share it with angelina jolie. aniston opens up about their supposed feud. first, the "nightline 5."
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