>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, oscar nominee keira knightley. from "scandal," tony goldwyn. cookie monster, "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from incubus. with cleto and the cletones. and now, in person, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: i am jimmy, i am the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. it's very nice. don't think i don't appreciate it. valentine's day is coming. it's coming up -- valentine's day is the one night of the year when it's acceptable to go to the drugstore specifically to buy a big stuffed animal and a box of condoms. so you have to take advantage. can't do that on christmas eve. this is nutfy. this is a real thing. it's weird enough to give your pet a valentine' day gift which a lot of people do. it's even weirder to get something from your pet for valentine's day. these are actual cards from valentine's day card sections of the supermarket. where people -- i guess -- i don't know. maybe the spouse will buy the card and then give it to his wife or vice versa or i don't know what. but it's a card from the dog.

spending time with you is one of the happiest things in my life. happy valentine's day from the dog who thinks the world of you. there's a couple of cats cards. there's a dog card -- i thought it said hump hump hump at first. i had my finger over the "t." that would have been better. this one, if you open it up, it does a thing. he looks excited too, doesn't he? let me tell you something. you know what, you may love them and they might even love you in some animal way but dogs don't celebrate valentine's day. they don't know what it is. by the way, your cat, even if the cat did a know valentine's day, it wouldn't give you a card because cats hate us. they pretend they don't so we give them yarn but they hate us. if you haven't made plans for saturday yet take your mom to see "50 shades of grey."

"50 shades of grey" came out in theaters tonight finally. i don't think i've been this charged up with sexual anticipation for a movie since "mall cop" was in theaters. it's expected to make $60 million over the four-day weekend, hundreds of shows were sold out in advance. advance ticket sales have been especially strong in the south. i don't know if it's because the lead character's name is christian or what. i hope they don't -- hoeb somebody didn't get the wrong idea. because the movie's getting a lot of buzz but it isn't getting reviews. peter travers said it's "about as erotic as an ad for potty barn." you hate to see hollywood ruin a literally classic like that one. members of the s and m community have been divided. some say it's not an accurate portrayal of their lifestyle. others say it is. others aren't saying anything because they have ball gags in their mouth.

the great thing about "50 shades of grey," the book -- it's porn, right? yet there it sits in the airport bookstore by the business self-help book. bondage porn next to suzy over money and lee iacocca. if you're looking for reman's there's no need to resort to reading. we have plenty of romance on television. there is a show on we tv called "match made in heaven." it's an all-black version of "the bachelor." i think it's mostly black versions of "the bachelor." "bachelor" has a charmer named chris. "match made in heaven" has a real estate developer named sean, looking for his match made in heaven. souping heaven as reality show casting room. this batch already has a couple of virgins to choose from. >> so me and mercedes are virgins. >> wow.

wow, i wasn't expecting that. >> we're the only virgins in the house. >> that's what's up. >> mine's a little different. she's a pure virgin. >> you're born again, nice. >> i don't know that's how virginity works. it's like eating a salad and calling yourself a born-again vegetarian. it's not, hi, i'm a virgin, these are my children, caroline and samantha. last night in tallahassee, florida, they had a big power ball drawing. bad news, none of us won. three winning tickets were sold in texas, north carolina, and puerto rico. the winning numbers were 11, 13, 25, 39, 54, which in retrospect seeps to obvious. the winners will split $564 million three ways before ultimately being stabbed in a strip club parking lot. i will say this. that happened, by the way. not to me.

if i win the power ball i know exactly what i would do. i would finance an "iron man" sequel where he just sits around. sits there for two hours and 12 minutes doing nothing. "iron man" needs a break too, right? i had an interesting day. i hired a new writer today who is someone i -- i won't say i knew -- i knew of him when i was a kid. he's actually someone who's kind of a role model to me. well, he showed some interesting work so i figured why not give it a shot. >> come in. >> the new writer's here. >> oh, good, send him in. >> hello! >> hey, how you doing? >> oh, hi. me cookie monster. >> glad to meet you, i'm jimmy. have a seat and we'll get started. >> oh, so excited. >> jimmy: okay. all right. let's get to work. i'm trying to write a joke about facebook and how obsessed

everybody is with facebook. >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. one facebook joke coming right up. >> jimmy: great. >> okay. yeah, yeah. oh, yeah. okay, we got it. >> jimmy: you done? >> me got it. >> jimmy: all righty. >> yep. >> jimmy: okay, let me hear it. >> okay. ahem. knock knock. >> jimmy: who's there? >> facebook. >> jimmy: facebook who? >> cookie! ha ha ha! >> jimmy: okay. it's a little bit weird to laugh at your own joke after you pitch it. >> yeah, okay. >> jimmy: let's go to a different topic, maybe. electric cars. >> oh, topical. >> jimmy: take your time. >> cookie got it. >> jimmy: you're done with the joke? >> right here, it's gold. >> jimmy: all right. go ahead, read it. >> knock knock. >> jimmy: knock -- who's there? >> electric car. >> jimmy: electric car who?

>> cookie! ha ha ha ha! >> jimmy: can i just make a suggestion? maybe i won't give you a topic. write a joke that you like. >> you like that direction. >> jimmy: no knock knock jokes and no jokes that involve cookie or cookies or any mention of cookies. >> no knock knock, no cookies, no problem. >> jimmy: right. >> me on it coming right atcha. >> jimmy: slow it down, no rush, okay? >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. me can do this. oh, this is so hard! num-num-num -- >> jimmy: eating the jokes. >> it hurts me brain. we no can work in this condition! >> jimmy: all right. showtime. what do you got for me, cook? remember, i said no knock knock jokes. >> no cookies. >> jimmy: no cookies, exactly, thank you. >> okay. ding dong. >> jimmy: really?

>> really. ding dong. >> jimmy: i say, who's there? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who's there? >> delicious chocolate chip. >> jimmy: delicious chocolate chip who? >> delicious chocolate [ mumble ] >> jimmy: what was the last word? >> cookie. >> jimmy: you did say cookie. >> sorry, what? >> jimmy: i don't know if the writing department is the right area for you here. maybe you would be good in security. have you ever done security? >> me can do that! oh boy, oh boy, where's security. security! oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. >> guillermo: cookie monster, you keep an eye on the snack table right there. >> you know what, me going to keep both eyes on snack table. >> guillermo: all right, be right back. >> me on it, sir! oh! cookie!

aahhhh! num-num -- >> guillermo: cookie for me! >> num-num -- oh, nice technique! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the first-ever cookie monster special "the cookie thief" airs monday on pbs kids and repeats later in the week. seemed like you hit it off. >> guillermo: he's a nice guy. >> jimmy: yeah, right. what do you have planned for valentine's day with your wife? >> guillermo: just a romantic dipper. >> jimmy: where are you going to go? >> guillermo: uh -- to casa vega. >> jimmy: the mexican restaurant you always go to, hope you got a reservation. >> >> guillermo: i did, 7:00. >> jimmy: don't bother him there. please, please, folks. don't bother him at casa vega in the valley. at 7:00. okay?

he and his wife need some time alone again. do not go sit at his table with him already would you buy people drinks if they come visit you there? >> guillermo: no, they buy me drinks. >> jimmy: oh, they guy you drbu drinks, that's how it works. [ cheers and applause ] he's our own little tequila monster is what he is. this is interesting. researchers at university of vermont did a big study. they determine the world's happiest language is -- guillermo, you have a guess? >> guillermo: spanish. >> jimmy: is that right, it's spanish. [ cheers and applause ] makes sense. the rs roll, it's fun to speak, makes your mouth feel good like pop rocks. spanish -- german finished fourth, which i find hard to believe. german, even "i love you" sounds like a threat. portuguese was the second happiest language, english was third, french is fifth. i wonder if they

emoen emioj. it does not get happier than that. this is not happy. this is why getting driverless cars is probably a good idea. most of us have experienced road rage in one form or another. but rarely do we get to see it captured like this. this is video, it was posted to youtube by a man who somehow an tag newsed another driver and then the guy took matters into his own hand. >> i got a kid in my [ bleep ] car! and you're driving like a [ bleep ], you want to videotape me? [ bleep ] you. >> is that all? >> jimmy: people see a tour quoitds skullcap and they go nuts. i don't know, i'm the guy who broke the window's side, i really am. just me? huh. maybe this will help calm that guy down. pot growers in the state of washington have a problem, apparently supply there has outstripped demand. and now they have a lot more marijuana than they can sell. which i have to say i find it

very surprising the marijuana industry did not crunch the numbers properly. not like them at all. essentially they have more pot than they can smoke, which might help to explain why pete carroll called for a passing play on the 1 yard line. [ moans ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i don't want to make light. thens soar bad in washington right now the governor is saying they may have to deploy willie nelson to the area. you know, washington complaining it has more pot than it can smoke is like the skinny girl who complains no matter how much she eats she can't seem to gain weight. maybe it's the opposite of that, i don't know. in any case other states are interested in helping out by taking some of that weed off of washington's hands. that's always a bummer because then washington wants to hang out after, show you its sword collection. you know? you know how states are. it's thursday night which means it's tradition, it's time to

bleep and wlur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not, it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> the man who this record is about who i fell in love with last year, thank you so much for [ bleep ] my [ bleep ] because you got me four grammys. >> last year it was the hat that everybody was talking about. this year you've gone with a [ bleep ] show. >> it's being called the biggest demonstration of its kind. it was a march against [ bleep ]ing. >> you'd act differently if it was in your face and you knew we were coming. >> some tvs in our own private homes could be spying on us. what the [ bleep ] is that all about? >> i think unless you're a girl and you just want to [ bleep ] in your single girlfriends' faces. >> take the helmets off. you're lucky i [ bleep ] your dad. and your mom. and your brothers. >> i put my [ bleep ] in my mouth. i put my [ bleep ] in my mouth.

>> look at those two. they can't go two minutes without [ bleep ]ing. >> what do you want? what can i give you? >> i need a [ bleep ]. >> okay. let's see what's kind hurricane number one. tiffany. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have music from incubus. from "scandal" tony goldwyn there is. we'll be right back with keira knightley so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] next. ♪ expected wait time: 55 minutes. your call is important to us. thank you for your patience. waiter! vo: in the nation, we know how it feels when you aren't treated like a priority. we do things differently.

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you pick two, and... you're basically done. that's why the pennsylvania lottery created pick 2. just pick two numbers. done. pick 2. easy to play. simple to say. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: many of you saw him earlier on "scandal." president fitz himself tony goldwyn is here. later from right here in hang this ep is called "trust fall side 8." it comes out march 24th. incubus from the at&t stage. we have quite a week next week. oscar nominee benedict cumberbatch will be here. oscar host neil patrick harris will be with us. kristen bell, kelly ripa, chris elliot, julia jacobs, josh

molina, music from big sean, rascal flats, gore done city with jennifer hudson. this monday we merged mars day and the time with hime and they did "jungle love" and it was fantastic. monday, our black with black street, remember them no digty? they will form our black street on monday night. good times and good times. i want to make a quick announcement. again, i'd like to ask those of you who are watching, especially in the l.a. area, please do not bother guillermo at his valentine's dinner at casa vega, 133 13301, sherman oaks, california, 91426, saturday at 7:00 p.m. he would really prefer to have some alone time with his wife. thank you very much. interlopers are not welcome, okay?

i'm glad you find that funny. again, please, please, please do not show up there. get your own lives, okay? he's trying to have his. since the last time she was on the show our first guest tonight got both an academy award nomination and pregnant. that is the effect i have on people. the film for which she's nominated is called "the imitation game," it's in neaters now. please welcome keira knightley! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i got you something. >> jimmy: oh, well, thank you. >> that's all right. >> jimmy: what have we here? oh, look at that. >> it's valentine's day. >> jimmy: hump, hump, hump. >> i saw that and thought of you. >> jimmy: how nice. you didn't have to take your time to go to cvs to get this for me. >> any time. >> jimmy: how are you?

congratulations on the baby. >> yeah. >> jimmy: more importantly the academy award nod. >> definitely more important. >> jimmy: isn't it hard enough to get dressed for the oscars, now you're pregnant too on top of it. >> you made that sound so great. you're right. now you're knocked up and everything just looks big. >> jimmy: ice something you typically drink at the oscars? >> yeah, you normally do go to an awards show and have a drink or two, don't you. this has been a very sober awards season. >> jimmy: i would think so, i would hope so. >> i've been nominated for an oscar before, i was 20, and horrifically in this country you can't drink until you're 21. last time i was sober as well. >> jimmy: we don't really go by that though. >> really? >> jimmy: that's the rule. but if you know a guy -- >> i was obviously completely sober. >> jimmy: that must be a strange thing. back home you're legally allowed to drink. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's perfectly fine. then you go to another country. it's like traveling to saudi arabia or something. >> yes, exactly. i think you really need to get

with it. get your teenagers drunk. i was actually a mother as well, i shouldn't be saying that. i'm going to have to sort that one out. >> jimmy: now with youtube and everything, your kids will be able to go back and figure everything bad you ever did out. when they do it they'll go, you did it. >> you said it, look at that. great. you're making it sound even better. and you're going to be at the on the cars ask sober but your kids are going to watch everything. >> jimmy: it's all downhill from here. >> thanks. >> jimmy: what is it like to be 20 years old and nominated for an academy award? i think sometimes we see celebrities and actors and think they were born famous or something. it must be an overwhelming experience, yeah? >> i mean, yeah. i just don't really remember it. >> jimmy: you don't? >> not because i was completely drunk. [ laughter ] i was just working on "pirates of the caribbean." we were doing night shoots the whole time. i was so exhausted. when i heard i got the oscar nomination, i got back from

work, i was in that really deep sleep, the phone rang and somebody said, you're nominated for an oscar. i went, "yeah, great," put the phone down. i woke up hours later going, that was weird. but the problem was -- >> jimmy: that's what it's like to have a baby every day. >> right. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: except without the award. >> yeah. it sort of happened exactly the same this time. >> jimmy: who did you sit with at the oscars? do you remember that? >> yes. jack nicholson. >> jimmy: that's good spot to be in. >> that was cool. >> jimmy: did you chat with him? >> yeah, he gave me a running commentary the whole way through. >> jimmy: he did? >> it was absolutely amazing. then when he actually -- i think he was presenting. i think it was best picture or something like that. he said, i'm going to go up and present and i'm going to wave to you backstage. i was like, okay. and he absolutely did. i could see him backstage doing like this. it was great. >> jimmy: so that made you feel more comfortable, i would assume. >> yeah, especially when there was a camera in my face.

i don't know what to do. >> jimmy: have you set the baby's room up yet? >> no. >> jimmy: you have not. you need to do that. >> do i? they're quite small, right? >> jimmy: babies or rooms? >> well, do they need a room of their own? >> jimmy: they don't need to be big. there needs to be a room for a crib. >> okay. i'm in denial at the moment. >> jimmy: a changing table which as weird thing to start with. >> okay. >> jimmy: you need to have that. yeah. because you have to change -- somebody's going to have to change the baby. >> they can't do it themselves, okay. >> jimmy: they're not self-cleaning, no. >> that's a shame, isn't it? >> jimmy: it is a shame. >> it would be better if they were. >> jimmy: you must change them and they make changing tables that are high so you can stand there. then it's precarious so you have to be very careful. >> what, that you don't face plant? >> jimmy: no, so the baby doesn't fall off. by the way -- >> i'm going to get into this, it's going to be great. >> jimmy: i don't know if it's a boy or girl -- >> i don't know yet. >> jimmy: okay, if you have a boy, they could really throw you a curve.

>> going everywhere? >> jimmy: it will go everywhere, yeah. >> okay. >> jimmy: you must not abandon the baby when it goes everywhere. you must stay with the baby. >> even if it's in my face, i'm not to abandon it. >> jimmy: you have to grin and bear it. >> okay, good. >> jimmy: and the other thing is, when you change the baby, and this is -- i figured a lot of baby things out now. because i have a baby at my house. >> how old? >> jimmy: we don't even know. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she -- we got her -- we rescued her. >> so who knows, could be anything. >> jimmy: could be 3. >> 16? >> jimmy: 7 months old. but what happens, when you change the diaper, which you know is disgusting, and then you wrap it up. then you want to get rid of the diaper. but you have to -- they have these sanitary garbage things that you have to open with your foot or something and put it. but the baby's here. so it really requires spider-man type abilities. >> a small room would be better, really. a cupboard, maybe.

a cupboard. >> jimmy: you know what you should get, you could have, is a mary poppins to come in with the umbrella, take all the filthy diapers away. >> yes, that's what i want, i should get one of those. >> jimmy: in england. you have to go back home. >> mary poppins land, i'll do that. >> jimmy: sounds like you have none of it figured out. we're going to take a break. keira knightley. her great movie is called "the imitation game." be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by kfc popcorn nuggets. try them in a $5 fill-up box and taste what you've been missing. was the surf report right? and could she stay on even longer this time? but even out here, she never doubted that her network would let her post the proof. if you're not on the largest, most reliable network,

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you, they all seem to like you. >> yes. >> why? >> because i'm a woman in a man's job and i don't have the luxury of being an ass. alan, it doesn't matter how smart you are. enigma is always smarter. if you really want to solve your puzzle, then you're going to need all the help you can get. and they are not going to help you if they do not like you. >> jimmy: that is so true. keira knightley, "the imitation game" with benedict cumberbatch. he did a great job, great job. >> thank you. >> jimmy: cumberbatch seems like a fine guy. you've had some range of leading men. >> i have. i've worked with benedict before. he's absolutely amazing. when we worked together on "atonement," i think he was like -- spent a lot of time trying to teach me how to play tennis which don't work.

>> jimmy: is he a good tennis player? >> better than me. i don't remember him being particularly good. >> jimmy: what did you learn from mickey rourke when you worked with him? >> he taught me to you who box. now that was way better. >> jimmy: that was better. >> yeah. particularly because you were allowed to just go rrr! in tennis they don't like you hurling rackets. >> jimmy: it's not a contact sport. >> it's a shame. it would be great if it was. >> jimmy: mickey rourke, anna faris said she was on a plane, her baby was crying, mickey rourke shh'd the baby. >> wow. >> jimmy: i hope he doesn't shh your baby. >> i hope he doesn't either because he's taught me how to fight, i could really take him on. the hormones. >> jimmy: when the student becomes the master all of a sudden. >> exactly, ha ha! >> jimmy: you have an unusual name. i find myself, when i knew you were coming, i spelled the wrong. i thought it was right. i-e instead of e-i.

is there a proper way to spell it? >> well, yes. well. you see, my mum spelt it wrong on my birth certificate. so i'm half named after a russian ice skater my dad fancies and half because it's a celtic name and my mom's scottish. my mom went to the place where you do the birth certificate -- i need to learn as well. >> jimmy: us? they'll do it at the hospital, you don't have to go anywhere. >> she did the birth certificate and showed it to my dad and he was like, you spelled her [ bleep ]ing name wrong! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. >> yes, yes. i mean, it's not really a surprise i'm dyslexic. i had no chance. >> jimmy: you can't really spell a name wrong, can you? it's whatever it is. >> it should be i-e if it isn't. i should change it.

>> you should spell your son or daughter's name wrong. >> i'll do that. >> jimmy: do something that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. >> exactly. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. best of luck at the academy awards. it's going to be a big night. oscars live sunday, february 22nd, 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific, here on abc. "the imitation game," go see that. keira knightley. be right back with tony goldwyn! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. in 1914. irst car but they were not only business partners, they were brothers. competitive... stubborn... and always pushing each other, the way only brothers can. ♪ one hundred years later, their spirit lives on.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back. still to come, music from incubus. while the rest of us run around buying flowers and bracelets for valentine's day our next guest is busy waging war on a country for his special lady. he is the president on "scandal." you can watch it thursdays at 9:00 here on abc. please say hello to tony goldwyn! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you didn't bring me -- i thought you'd bring me a valentine. >> i was going to bring the roses but i thought that might be weird. >> jimmy: how very rude. no, not at all. >> next time i'll bring you flowers. >> jimmy: okay, that would be nice.

what is your plan for valentine's day? >> it's an odd valentine's day. because my -- we were -- i'm sort of bicoastal at the moment. because we live on the east coast. and i'm here on the west coast almost all the time doing "scandal." so my wife is there because she's working and i'm here, so my wife's going to be with our one daughter who's in college in chicago, i'm going to be with my other daughter here. so i bought them all lots of nice things. >> jimmy: that's nice. that's all right. >> get her on the phone, it will be good. >> jimmy: how olding is your daughter that lives here? >> the one who lives here is 24. >> jimmy: let me ask you a question because i have a 23-year-old daughter. >> okay. >> jimmy: i know, shocking. but i always feel a little weird. because it's hollywood. i always want to make it clear to the waitress that this is not my girlfriend or wife. >> right. i do the exact -- actually, i forget to do it. so people say, what would your wife like? and my daughter says, "he's my dad!" now i introduce her, "this is my

daughter." people do assume. >> jimmy: i'm uncomfortable the whole time until i put that out there and make sure they understand. you have to find creative ways into it. >> that's right, exactly. >> jimmy: not just blurt it out. "my daughter, what would you like to eat?" what else are you going to do? >> that's right. >> jimmy: you had children young, really. >> incredibly young. >> jimmy: same here. >> i'm only 32 years old. >> jimmy: how old were you when you looked at girls and said, oh, they're not gross. do you remember? i was 3. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i was going to say, i think i was 5. >> jimmy: 5 years old? >> yeah. but i didn't get any opportunity to explore that until i was maybe about -- 10. >> jimmy: i was 20. [ laughter ] when you were 10? >> in the most kind of innocent, sexually frustrating way? i see, i see. >> i horned in on my brother's spin the bottle game.

my big brother. he had a bunch of the neighborhood kids over to hang out for the night. and they were playing spin the bottle. and i was, you know, standing the periphery. they're like, okay, you can play. and i got in it, i watched to figure how it worked. the guy from up the street who had big braces was mauling this girl, making out. he came away and she was bleeding. then eventually the bottle spun my way. and it was this really pretty girl named galen who lived four houses up who i was totally -- had such a crush on. so i got to kiss galen. and we did like a closed-mouth kiss, you know. like that. it was awesome! >> jimmy: oh, yeah, right. >> so amazing. that was all i got, it was over. they went to do something else and i kept following them, "are we going to play again? are we going to play spin the bottle again?" the door slammed in my face. that was it. >> jimmy: were you -- i know

this is a weird thing. i assume you were popular with the ladies when you were in school. >> no. >> jimmy: you were not? >> i don't know. i think -- >> jimmy: i know. >> no, obviously, all through school -- i think i look back and i go, maybe i was. but i feel like -- maybe some people know they're really cool in high school, but i feel like most of us don't think we're that cool. and then i've had friends in the past go, yeah, you were one of the cool kids. i'm like, no, i wasn't. i never knew when girls liked me. >> jimmy: i thought i was cool and wasn't. [ laughter ] the worst thing. >> that might have been better. i worried too much about it, you know? yeah. >> jimmy: so you went -- in high school, did you go to the prom and all of that kind of stuff? >> went to a prom. >> jimmy: i never did any of that stuff. >> yeah, i'm sorry. [ sympathetic groans ] >> jimmy: it worked ow. your tv girlfriend olivia pope is having a bad year so far. >> rough year.

>> jimmy: kidnapped. i used to get the episodes in advance so that when you'd come on i could watch them. and now chanda rhymes will not give me the episode. >> top secret. >> jimmy: i didn't do anything wrong, either. i didn't let anyone into my house. it makes me crazy. >> i don't get them either. and i'm the president of the united states. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i get the script at the last minute, it's all lock and key, top security, we can't leave them in our cars. because people, there have been leaks. >> jimmy: security at the tv white house should not be tighter than security at the actual white house. >> i agree with you. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's crazy. now i have to kind of like -- i don't know. we have to kind of -- >> buy chanda a really expensive present. >> jimmy: you think that would do it? >> it will work. >> jimmy: i'll try and it see what happens. but something happened tonight. i just have no idea what it was. you know what it was. >> i know. >> jimmy: you were there when it happened. >> i lived it, man. no, i don't want to spoil it.

because some of you have seen tonight's episode which just aired and some of you haven't. you know, fitz going to war for the woman he loves. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's a problem. it's nuts. >> jimmy: it is. it is pretty crazy. >> i was wondering, would people -- do people want him to do that? i was really conflicted about it. and you know -- i wanted to know how audiences would react. >> jimmy: we don't care about angola or west angola or whatever it is. >> guys on twitter going, no. ice her. he shouldn't do it. >> jimmy: they're in angola, those guys. they're like, we don't need any problems here! >> that's right. >> jimmy: so anyway, we did manage to get something. and this is -- i don't know if you're aware of this, we managed a sneak peek at next week's episode. i was not able to get the whole ed sew. this is a little special something for fans of "scandal." this is what's happening next week. >> great. ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> love the mullet. that was the macarena. you know, there's some things that never die. scott foley did such a great job dancing on "scandal." i thought that i had to show my moves. >> jimmy: what movie was that? >> a little indie movie called "the godfather of green bay." made several years ago. >> jimmy: "the godfather," i don't remember that scene. >> "the godfather of green bay." i had a mullet and did the macarena. >> jimmy: you look a little like joe montana. >> i should be so lucky. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you, mr. president. [ cheers and applause ]

tony goldwyn! watch "scandal" thursday nights at 9:00 here on abc. be right back with music from incubus! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" consort series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" consort series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. >> jimmy: i want to thank keira knightley, tony goldwyn, cookie monster, apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first their ep "trust fall side a" comes out march 24th, here with the song "absolution calling" incubus! ♪ ♪ it's like an intuition or a feeling in the air an intangible impression that's always everywhere ♪

♪ you bit into the apple laid down your sword and shield ♪ ♪ untie a little bit dies a little each time the medicine smile ♪ ♪ then spun 'round like a gyre in the unified field inside your elegant guide ♪ ♪ an arrow in flight a million miles oh ♪ ♪ i remember feeling the opposite of falling into that spot where we untie every knot ♪ ♪ spinning past the ceiling absolution calling are you there or not ♪ ♪ ♪ it's an open invitation come see the sights of sages we've been a

pride of lions ♪ ♪ so afraid to leave our cages ♪ ♪ don't fret over the pieces that smolder in the sun untie a little bit dies a little each time ♪ ♪ the medicine smiles 'cause nothing can be broken when everything is one ♪ ♪ inside your elegant guide an arrow in flight a million miles ♪ ♪ i remember feeling the opposite of falling into that spot where we untie every knot ♪ ♪ spinning past the ceiling absolution calling are you there or not ♪ ♪ i remember feeling the opposite of falling into that spot where we untie every knot ♪

♪ spinning past the ceiling absolution calling are you there or not ♪ ♪ ♪ ahh ♪ you bit into the apple laid down your sword and shield ♪ ♪ untie a little bit dies a little each time the medicine smiles ♪ ♪ then spun 'round like a gyre in the unified field ♪ ♪ inside your elegant guide an arrow in flight a million miles ♪ ♪ a million miles a million miles oh ♪ ♪ i remember feeling the opposite of falling into that spot where we untie every knot ♪

♪ spinning past the ceiling absolution calling are you there or not ♪ ♪ i remember feeling the opposite of falling into that spot where we untie every knot ♪ ♪ spinning past the ceiling absolution calling are you there ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

this is "nightline." tonight -- >> welcome to sex box. >> confesses. >> how long can you stand a dry spell? be with couples confronting an intimate challenge that affects millions with the help of a surprising secret weapon. what they do in the box does not stay in the box. for celebs like rihanna, couture is the way to go. this designer says she's selling pelts guilt-free by using animals that are already dead. bringing them in from the highway to the runway. cumber followers. "the imitation game." benedict cumberbatch has been amazing a legion of female fans and