>> dickey: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, cate blanchett -- from "secret and lies," ryan phillippe -- and music from joywave. with cleto and the cletones. and now, from here on out, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.

thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. oh, hey. quick question. this tie i'm wearing, do you think this is blue and black? [ laughter ] or just ugly? i don't know. any of you get involved in this online thing about the dress? well, obviously. first of all, i want to say i had nothing to do with it. a lot of people were blaming me. i wish i had, it was a huge thing. my wife and her mother got in a fight about it thursday night. the dress caused a lot of arguments over the weekend. if you don't know what i'm talking about, someone posted this photo to tumbler. it's a two-tone dress. the woman who posted it said her friends couldn't agree what color it was. 24 hours later half the people in the world couldn't agree what color it was. the dress, it's seen hundreds of millions of times and split evenly between people who see it as gold and white, and people who are wrong. who do not. [ laughter ] just that one we showed, how

many of you saw gold and white? [ cheers and applause ] how many of you saw black and blue? [ cheers and applause ] how many of you are high and saw all four colors? [ cheers and applause ] the designer of the dress confirmed that it is royal blue and black. but i don't think that matters. i'll tell you why. you look at the dress as an individual. some of us see a dress of white and gold, some see blue and black. but what's important is we learn to recognize that our way of seeing is not the only way of seeing. and maybe, just maybe, that realization can help us to understand and love each other. [ laughter ] thanks. [ applause ] just want to point out. thank you. my wife almost punched her mother in the face. you know, "forbes" just released as they do their annual list of

billionaires. as usual, they had titans of industry, sheikhs, princes, 25-year-old nerds who invented an app, the usual suspects. once again the richest person on the planet with $79.2 billion is bill gates. to put that into perspective, that's enough money to never have to drink tap water at a restaurant ever again. mexican business mag gate carlos slim came in second, congratulations to you, guillermo. warren buffett third. an american. there were a record number of billionaires this year. 1,826. the rich have gotten so rich that if you have a million dollars now, technically you're considered to be poor. they will spit on you. speaking of very wealthy people, happy birthday to justin bieber. yesterday he turns 21 which means he can be tried as an adult. [ cheers and applause ]

way back in 1994, while we were watching "roseanne" on television, listening to "black hole sun" on the radio, our little mangod was born. he celebrated the milestone on an island in the caribbean. big party, all his closest freeloaders were there. posted a bunch of pictures. that is justin taking a selfie. enjoying a birthday kiss. here he is shirtless again with a man in his underpants. and this one, he's doing that pose he does with his hand on his chin. like, let me show you what it's like. [ cheers and applause ] i'm thinking about you, bro. and here is justin at dinner. at the dinner table. boy, red robin really has relaxed their dress code. [ laughter ] who eats with no shirt on? even matthew mcconaughey is like, dude, how about an izod or something? anyway, i guess our little guy is all grown up. this is interesting, justin bieber is now officially the

only person over 21 who's still into justin bieber. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] while justin bieber was running around with his shirt off, most of america and his native canada was in a deep freeze over the weekend. this comes to us from the nbc affiliate in greenville, south carolina, where reporter mara ruiz risked her life for tonight's edition of "excellence in reporting." >> no matter what, use your hands and make sure you steer. oh! >> good-bye, $80,000 veneers. why was that there? why was it there? earlier tonight here on abc, we -- i know you guys haven't seen this yet but the "bachelor

women tell all" special tonight was the catiest, nuttiest, saddest, quasi-crazy thing i've seen on television. the women are absolutely terrible to each other. they grilled the batch love relentlessly why. >> why he didn't pick them, as if he's supposed to pick all of them. here's a recap, this is the women telling all. >> it wasn't about you and me -- >> you made it about me, karla. >> it's not about just you -- >> can i finish. >> it's about chris. >> i'll tell you an elg, you want the example? >> i think -- [ shouting all at once ] >> we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> can i go back to my farm? you've got people wearing eyelashes that are made in taiwan calling each other fake.

everyone showed up. all this year's favorite crazies were there. including kelsey, who was universally disliked by everyone in the house. why she would come i have no idea. ashley s. showed up. if you remember she was very strange. she brought the weird tonight in an intense way. >> i brought you a hosting gift. >> have a seat. a hosting gift? >> yeah. i was inspired by the show. so i tried growing onions. >> from the time you got off the show, you really started growing onions? >> yeah, i really have. >> this is -- thank you. >> i just -- i did not believe the tree had real fruit growing from it. and i was like, that looks like an onion. it looks so fake. >> it turned out to be a pomegranate. okay. >> okay. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: not only does chris have to deal with this completely incoherent person, he had to peg her to come back for more. >> would you he's join us in "bachelor in paradise"? i'm begging you. >> hm. [ audience chanting "do it" ] >> it's so weird. >> what? >> just reality tv. that we're on tv. >> ashley, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i mean, really. rarely do you run into a language barrier when both people are speaking english. that is going to be some "bachelor in paradise." next week by the way is the finale of "the bachelor."

may god have mercy on us all. these women realize if they win they have to live in a ghost town in iowa, right? last week on the show i spoke about something i've been thinking about lately. which is childhood vaccinations. because my daughter's almost 8 months old. she got her booster shot this morning. so i've become more aware of the fact that some parents don't believe in vaccinating their kids which is something the overwhelming majority of the medical community recommends. i got a group of real doctors together to do a public service announcement urging parents to vaccinate, wow did this make some people mad. these are real tweets i got over the weekend. i've taken the people's names out for their own protection. jimmy kimmel is a pathetic f'ing human being as is controlled by the corporations. jimmy kimmel and tv news anchors know as much about vaccine science as an apt knows about spaceship navigation. clever. may i just say, jimmy kimmel, you are a f'ing piece of [ bleep ]. oh, i guess i should have not -- [ laughter ]

drop dead, you f'ing douche bag. jimmy kimmel's blatantly clear you were handed a script by people who make billions from vaccines, how very original of you, #sellout. jim crossed the line, those doctors should have their licenses revoked. sick, off the air, you puppet. jimmy kimmel is a disgusting boil on the ass of entertainment. ignorant. you're an idiot. there's just as many doctors that are against vaccines. no, there aren't, but -- [ laughter ] fear not, my stupid little sheep, i'll keep you distracted from the realities of this world and i'll lead you fearlessly. to your slaughter. [ laughter ] one more. jimmy kimmel is worse than the priest abusing boys and bill cosby drugging girls. so you see people are taking a reasonable approach to this. [ laughter ] some of these people are demanding that i apologize. which i of course will not do. some are saying i'm attacking

families with autism. which is nonsense. because i happen to be in a family with autism. a lot of these groups are insisting that i present both sides of the argument. i'm not going to do that either for the same reason i wouldn't present both sides if a group of people decided that pancakes make you gay. they don't. and there's no point in discussing it. [ cheers and applause ] if you really genuinely believe 99% of the doctors in this country are dishonest, then you need to see a doctor, ironically. so as far as i'm concerned this is a hot-button topic that shouldn't be a hot-button topic. in the interest of fairness we sent our community activist team jack and becky out to the street. they've been in the middle of a number of controversial issues. for instance they went to the world series to ask parents to sign a petition to remove the word "peanuts" from the song "take me out to the ball game" because their son's allergic to peanuts. jack and becky care a lot.

here they are now, anti-vaccination crusaders. ♪ a child's right to choose >> there's all these adults talking about whether or not children should be vaccinated. and no one is taking the time to ask children what they feel. >> we believe in a child's right to choose. what they want to do. >> with their body. we just feel that like when a child is ready, they'll seek out a vaccination on their own. is that something you would agree with? >> no. >> did you ask your child what his decision would somebody. >> no. i just did it. >> i feel like personally, i don't want you to take any offense to this i think the only thing you are injecting your child with is betrayal. and maybe years of therapy down the line. >> i don't think so. my child would stuff their face with candy and vomit and turn around the next week and do the same thing. >> that's mr. choice. it's their choice to do that. until they learn. >> through vomiting. >> do you vaccinate your son? >> my daughter.

>> are there any other ways you've injured your children? >> injured my children? no. >> so only the one? >> no -- what are you talking -- which -- >> the vaccination was the time that you injured your daughters? >> you know, assumption is the mother of all [ bleep ]. >> quickly, take one moment here, there you go. >> we set out to introduce the element of choice in the children's vags nations. when you make the choice to receive a vaccination shot from this syringe -- no, you wouldn't? >> no. >> we found that 100% of respondents said they would prefer not to receive a vaccination shot. >> no. >> would you give them a right to drive a car or not drive a car? >> yeah, that's their choice. >> if they had access to a car -- >> could reach the pedals. >> yes, that is their choice. >> would you choose to receive a vaccination shot from this syringe? or would you rather have this lollipop? >> the lollipop.

>> we found that 100% of respondents referred the lollipop to the vaccination shot. >> okay, excellent. >> this concludes our study. >> this is totally invalid. i have no idea who those kids are. >> it's invalid? you don't know the scientists who created vaccines in the first place. >> mind your business. >> would you mind if we do the same experiment on your daughter? >> okay. >> you don't mind? >> okay. >> would you rather have a needle, a vaccination, or -- >> it's going to hurt bad. >> or a lollipop which tastes good? >> which would you rather have? >> a lollipop. >> that's a very smart choice. >> see? >> it's science. >> scientific double blind test performed right in front of your eyes. >> if you don't mind signing just for the purpose of the camera that you pledge to give your child a choice. >> again, i just want to say you made a very good choice and i respect your choice. >> just sign even though you disagree. thank you. if you don't mind just signing for the camera, saying that you

pledge -- it's just the pledge to give your child a choice. would you mind signing for the camera? >> now, everybody's giving children choices as if they can make these kind of decisions. >> and you chose to -- >> it's not appropriate. >> you don't think it's appropriate for a child to make that choice? >> there's a lot of the children who have died from not being vaccinated. >> you chose to sign the pledge. >> i pledge to support my child -- why did you have me sign that? >> you chose to sign it. it was your choice. >> that's ridiculous. >> okay, well, i'm sorry that you're angry with me. ♪ a child's right to choose [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks to jack and becky. we have a good show tonight, music from joywave, ryan phillippe's here, be right back with cate blanchett so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] wow, i've been claritin clear for 10 days!

when your allergies start, doctors recommend taking one non-drowsy claritin every day during your allergy season for continuous relief. 18 days! 12 days!

24 days of continuous relief. live claritin clear. every day. right now, buy any samsung galaxy smartphone for $0 down... ... and get a free samsung galaxy tablet. pretty neat, huh? only at at&t. the start of sneeze season.. and the wind-blown watery eyes. that's why puffs plus lotion is gentle on sensitive skin. so you can always put your best face forward. a face in need deserves puffs indeed. and try puffs softpack today. no problem. so the pennsylvania lottery changed the name of "quinto" to "pick 5". no sweat to play. pick 5. easy to play. simple to say. ♪

hp instant ink can save you up to 50% on ink delivered to your door. so print all you want and never run out. plans start at $2.99 a month. ♪ the most affordable way to print. hp instant ink. i've been driving a lincoln since

long before anybody paid me to drive one. i didn't do it to be cool. i didn't do it to make a statement. i just liked it. lease an mkc for $349 a month, plus competitive owners and lessees get $1000 bonus cash, only at your lincoln dealer. on our students is already scoming through, it's alreadyg

showing, and they haven't even taken the test yet. my first-grader came home the other day and cried, because he couldn't - he didn't feel like going to karate practice. after he was done with his work, he said, "mom, i'm just tired," and started to cry. in first grade. what are we doing? what are we doing to our kids? one, two, three, four, and you're done. simple. so the pennsylvania lottery changed the name of "big 4" to "pick 4". it's that simple to play. pick 4. easy to play. simple to say. >> jimmy: hello everyone. tonight, from the new show "secrets and lies," ryan philippe is here. then a band from rochester, new york. their album is called "how do you feel now?"

it comes out next month. joywave from the at&t stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night gordon ramsay will be here. from "undateable" bridgit mendler will join us. comedian beth stelling. and later this week, vince vaughn, naomi watts, reggie miller, mike tyson, plus music from carly rae jepsen and drew holcomb and the neighbors. please join us for every bit of all of that. [ cheers and applause ] tonight, two-time academy award winner. starting march 13th she sets new standards for bad parenting as the wicked stepmother in "cinderella." please welcome cate blanchett. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm well. i tell you what, it's been an education being in that dressing room. >> jimmy: has it really in what

way? >> pancakes don't make you gay? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: depends what you put on them. >> oh, is that right. all those gay men, i thought that's why they spent all their time in the gym, working off the pancakes. >> maybe you know something i don't know, i don't know. i'll have to check into it. did you see the colorful dress that looks like my tie which i'm now wearing a horrible tie for no reason? >> that's a tie? >> jimmy: it looks more like lingerie. >> did your mother make that? >> jimmy: no, moy mother did not make that. >> do you have matching underwear on? >> jimmy: i wish i'd thought of that, but now, i am not. you know what i'm talking about? >> i do know what you're talking about. >> jimmy: did you see it as white and gold? >> well, television. it's so weird. >> jimmy: it's weird that you say that. when i was watching that clip, i was thinking about you. and i was thinking, this woman ashley s., who's on "the bachelor," would be a fun character for you to play. >> i know. all that dialogue. [ laughter ]

yes, genius. >> jimmy: you've been here since the oscars eight days ago? >> the last time it rained in los angeles, yes. no, i have. i can't remember -- i think i -- i can't remember. >> jimmy: wow. really. >> do i know you? >> jimmy: you must fly all the time. >> i try and fly as little as possible. it's usually pretty uneventful. actually, this is super, super boring. but my ears popped the other day on the plane. >> jimmy: what do you mean? doesn't that happen every time? >> i find it so exciting. no, but it was the first time in 19 years. i could finally -- i can hear you! no, it was very -- it was a major, major, major -- >> jimmy: your ears popped for the first time in 19 -- why do you remember that it was 19 years ago? >> i was in a stage play. i played miranda in "the

tempest." i had to put my head into this rusty bucket. night after night. i traced it back. and that's the last time i heard anything. no, do you really want to know this? >> jimmy: listen, there's no one in the world -- >> you'll get hate mail about this. >> jimmy: probably, yes. there's no one more interested in ear-related subjects than me. i'm like -- i mean, you don't even want to know. >> have you ever done the ear candle? >> jimmy: yes, i have. >> could we do it now? >> jimmy: we could but i have terrible news for you. >> you've already done it? >> jimmy: when it happens, if you've seen this, it's covered with beeswax, a tube. >> it's so much fun. >> jimmy: i hate to be the one to ruin it for you. i feel exactly the same way. i don't think i've ever been as excited as i was -- >> right now? >> jimmy: doing ear candles. but if you put it in a glass that's completely empty you'll see the same result. so it's not ear wax. it's the beeswax melting.

>> that's fraudulent. >> jimmy: that's a fraud. that's why i'm here, i'm a truth seeker. >>ing. okay. here i was for years. 19 years. thinking that that's what the problem was. >> jimmy: you damaged your hearing in a bucket and now it's back. >> a rusty bucket. i must have got this terrible ear infection. then -- it involves mucous. >> jimmy: guillermo, go get my instruments. >> guillermo: okay. >> jimmy: never mind, stay there. >> i had my sinuses operated on a couple of years ago. i had this terrible post-nasal drip. >> jimmy: oh, yes, more? >> and i was onstage. it was really, really bad. you know, post-nasal drip, it drips down. i had to do this 20-minute monologue. i had to blow my nose. for years i've been playing characters on stage who all had sinus infections. who had tissue. sometimes tissue, kleenex, sometimes it would be a handkerchief. i would hide them literally in

flower vases and upstage. i was in this postmodern production. there was no set. and i was behind a flat. and i swear to god i had a 20-minute monologue, what do i do? is this going to drip for 20 minutes? really humiliating in front of 900 people. two big blobs of mucous doing this for 20 minutes. they wouldn't have listened to a word i said. i had a trench coat. so i just blew my nose into the trench coat. if you've ever blown your nose, it just doesn't stop. and i had -- i have to get back. i kept blowing and blowing and blowing. and i wardrobe mistress wouldn't speak to me for a couple of days. that was a shocker. >> jimmy: wow. >> then my ears popped. i mean, this postnasal drip stopped after the sinus operation, that was great. then my ears popped and i can hear. and i'm really interesting. >> jimmy: you have super hearing and you can hear things, wow. >> i can hear things.

>> that's a crazy thing. have you noticed differences in your life? >> what? >> jimmy: i mean, do you go, wow, i got the tv on really loud? >> i've been able to turn everything, dial everything down. >> jimmy: have you really, wow. >> can i ask, why are you so interested in ears? >> jimmy: do you have to ask that of my psychiatrist and my father, who's also interested in -- you know, i -- >> hereditary? >> jimmy: yeah, it's acute -- a lot of q-tipping that goes on. my father and i sometimes will exchange photographs. never blew my nose in a trench coat, though. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] kate lan chet is here, the movie is called "cinderella." we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by smooth and crunchy butterfinger peanut butter cups. it's a different kind of peanut butter cup. , bigger, plush hair. it's strength?

the formula with pomegranate and fibra cyclane expands and builds the thickness of each strand. the result? 38% more hair mass. visible fullness. luxurious thickness. touch it. see it. feel it. get big, bigger, massive hair. new fructis full & plush. the strength to shine. garnier. gorgthis looks interesting!vice. special k hot cereal. made with superfoods. special k? i can definitely taste the quinoa. i can't believe that's less than 200 calories.

a nourishing breakfast of multi-grains and quinoa. special k hot cereal. it'the setting is perfect.ey. but then erectile dysfunction happens again. you know what? plenty of guys have this issue, not just getting an erection, but keeping it. well, viagra helps guys with ed get and keep an erection. ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain;

it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. ask your doctor if... ...viagra is right for you. you get used to food odors you think it smells fine, but your passengers smell this.. eliminate odors you've gone noseblind to for up to 30 days with the febreze car vent clip. smells nice... so you and your passengers can breathe happy. peter hit me in the nose with a football. marcia, what happened? now sweetheart... shut up! marcia, eat a snickers®. why? you get a little hostile when you're hungry. better? better. marcia, marcia, marcia... [ female announcer ] aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion has active naturals® oat with five vital nutrients. [ aniston ] because beautiful skin

goes with everything. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results™. aveeno®. the secret to a great nbeer,out... meat, and cheese. oh, and great friends to share them with. introducing the new bar snacks & apps menu. nothing makes you want to show up to the party sooner, stay out later, or one up louder. get a lot more bang, for a lot less buck. new bar snacks start under $5 and they're only at applebee's.

who's this for? >> it's -- uh -- someone. >> it seems too much to expect you to prepare breakfast and still sit with us. wouldn't you prefer to eat when all the work is done, ella? or should i say cinderella. hm? ha ha ha! ? that is the wicked stepmother in "cinderella." [ cheers and applause ] >> it's such a shame that human beings' noses keep growing the

older they get. >> jimmy: are you talking about me specifically? >> yes. >> jimmy: tell me about it. i know. is it fun to be the wicked -- it must be more fun to be mean. >> you're looking for a yes answer? are you wanting to terrorize your guests and give you life, seduce them? it is, it always is. we're always taught to be kind and good, sweet and kind. when you get to have the sort of evil avatar you go jump at them. >> jimmy: comedians, like a roast, you do a celebrity roast, you can be as mean as possible and the meaner the better. and everybody kind of understands it. and i would think it's a similar thing for you. were your kids excited that you're in a disney film? >> super excited. i was super excited. i grew up on the wonderful world of disney, 6:00 on a sunday night, i ate that stuff alive. to actually be in a film that had the castle in the beginning, that was enough for me. >> the castle, right. >> you've been to disneyland?

>> jimmy: i have, of course, i'm an american. [ laughter ] >> oh, right. >> jimmy: we have to go. >> yes. 12 it's your first field trip. >> jimmy: i've been there many times. >> very educational. it's a small world. >> jimmy: you like disneyland? >> i love disneyland. i loved it. >> jimmy: it's a lot of fun, sure. i want to ask you about something. speaking of a little bit of wickedness. last year when you won at the oscars -- >> thank you for mentioning it. >> jimmy: congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] you said something that -- >> oh, no. >> jimmy: that you never explained in your speech. i'll show you. >> oh, don't do it -- oh no. >> julia #suckit. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: you told julia roberts to sulk it. suck it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: or am i mistaken? >> i don't even know what a hash tag is. she explained to me. it was a pretty crappy year. it was like, farewell, 2013.

>> jimmy: i see. oh, so that was to the year, suck it. you seemed like you were -- you'd just won and -- >> if either of us had the good fortune to be up there, we had to kick it on the ass good-bye. >> jimmy: i see, okay. that's a little more sporting. >> i didn't kiss her ass but -- i wouldn't mind, you know. i've had pancakes. >> now your nose and ears are cleared up, you can do all sorts of things. >> i could, and hear it. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you, congratulation on this the movie, "cinderella." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: cate blanchett, everybody. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. of a johnson's® bath are helping to enhance the experience. the touch of your hands is stimulating her senses.

nurturing her mind. and helping her development. so why just clean your baby when you can give her... so much more™? johnson's®. so much more™. right now, buy any samsung galaxy smartphone for $0 down... ... and get a free samsung galaxy tablet. pretty neat, huh? only at at&t. mcnuggets of wisdom... always disperse mcnuggets using alphabetical order. anthony, then brenda, then... not yet, zach. get a 20 piece chicken mcnuggets for just 5 dollars on mcdonald's dollar menu and more. ♪

choose your experience. choose your flavor. [ humming ] a tingling spearmint. [ ice crackling ] a cooling peppermint. 5 gum. stimulate your senses. 5 gum. your everyday dishes fwill only go so far. literally. you had to go deep into the cupboard. embarrassingly deep. can this mismatched mess be conquered... by a little bit of dish liquid? it can if it's dawn ultra. now even more concentrated... just one bottle has the grease cleaning power of two bottles of this other liquid. here's to the over extended family gathering. a drop of dawn and grease is gone.

okay, you ready to go? i gotta go dad! okay! let's go go, go, go... woah! go right, go left, go left, stop! now go... (shouting) let's go!! i gotta go! can i go? yup! you can go. (beeping alert) woah! there you go! way to go! lets go buddy, let's go! anncr: the ford fusion. we go further, so you can. it's tough, but i've managed. crohn's disease. but managing my symptoms was all i was doing. so when i finally told my doctor, he said humira is for adults like me who have tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. and that in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. and many achieved remission. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers,

including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. if you're still just managing your symptoms, ask your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. ryan phillippe on the way. first we spin the "wheel of bad ideas." >> jimmy: our writers come up with a lot of bad ideas. and instead of throwing them in the garbage, where they belong, we put them on this wheel.

i'm going to spin the wheel, and we'll pull the letter off. whatever is reveals we will do. right, guillermo? >> guillermo: right, jimmy. >> jimmy: guillermo is in charge of this particular thing. the wielands on the letter -- looks like it's going to be -- "a." let's see what that brings us. pop a balloon animal with your teeth. all right. how will this work, guillermo? >> guillermo: hold on, jimmy. hey, come over here! >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: friend of yours? >> guillermo: yeah, i know him a long time ago. >> yeah, we met in school. >> guillermo: how's the kids? >> they're good. >> jimmy: this is why we named this "the wheel of bad ideas." the ideas on the wheel are not good. >> guillermo: we don't have too much time. >> i'm trying. >> guillermo: hurry up. >> sorry. >> jimmy: all right. we've got a poodle.

a classic. >> jimmy: here, jimmy. finally he got it. >> jimmy: thank you. >> guillermo: you put that -- >> jimmy: all right. have you tested this? >> guillermo: no, never. you'll be the first one. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: let's put it out again. that hurt. let's look at it -- oh, there it goes. oh, yeah. well. thank you, guys. you know, my mother told me never put anything a clown gives you in your mouth and i should have listened. thank you, guillermo. we'll be right back with ryan phillippe! >> dickey: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by smooth and crunchy butterfinger peanut butter cups. it's a different kind of peanut butter cup.

[woman] who is this guy? and why is he not sweating? he must be a secret agent. new axe dry spray. goes on dry and keeps you dry with no visible residue. the first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. gorgthis looks interesting!vice. special k hot cereal. made with superfoods. special k? i can definitely taste the quinoa. i can't believe that's less than 200 calories. a nourishing breakfast of multi-grains and quinoa. special k hot cereal.

and stomachs are growling. or is that just me? it's lobsterfest... ...red lobster's largest variety of lobster dishes all year. double up with dueling lobster tails. or make lobster lover's dream a delicious reality. but hurry this won't last long. calls remind me to tell her happy anniversary.wife next time you talk to caroline, i'll remind you. oh, and remind me to get roses when i'm near any store. sure thing. remind you when you get to store. cortana, it's gonna be a great night. oh, wow! thanks for the traffic alert.

i better get going. you're making me look good. thanks, cortana. you bet. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] delta touch2o technology for your kitchen and bathroom. precisely in tune with every touch. see what delta can do.

never.ever getting married. with every touch. psssssh. guaranteed. you picked a beautiful ring. thank you. we're never having kids. mmm-mmm. breathe. i love it here. we are never moving to the suburbs. we are never getting one of those. we are never having another kid. i'm pregnant. i am never letting go. for all the nevers in life, state farm is there.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: still to come, music from joywave. our next guest is a fine actor and man with a new tv show. it is called "secrets and lies". it airs sundays at 9:00 here on abc. please welcome ryan phillippe. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: good to see you. i know you almost didn't make it here tonight, thank you for coming. >> it's difficult to fly in an ice storm, i've learned. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i ended up stuck in philly. missed two flights. spent seven hours at the airport only to be canceled twice, which is fun. >> jimmy: yeah, that's good times. did you get to see your -- the premiere of your show on television as it aired last night? >> i did. i was a little bummed at first because the cast and the producers had an event, right, here in l.a., that i was supposed to be at. actually, i ended up having like a really beautiful premiere with my little boy and room service at the four seasons in philly. we just kind of curled up and watched it together. it turned out really nice. but, you know. i found something funny. watching the show with him, he was jealous seeing me play a dad. to other kids. like he kind of steeled himself

whenever i showed affection to my children on the show. he couldn't deal with it. >> jimmy: wow. >> which is an experience i've had with girlfriends. [ laughter ] not only that, i also play a potential -- a murder suspect. >> jimmy: yes. >> which i guess is -- but it as murder mystery for the family. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> at the end of the premiere he said he wanted to watch the next episode. >> jimmy: wow, he's starting to enjoy your work. you posted this photograph. in which you appear to be cutting your son's hair. >> yeah. >> jimmy: whose idea was this? >> i mean, you know. he loves -- when you were a little boy -- i hated sitting in a barber chair, hated it. i think, you know -- he thinks it's cool i do it. i used to cut my own hair. it's not because i'm cheap if that's what you're getting at. >> jimmy: i wasn't getting at anything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i figured you had the nine bucks for the kid's haircut. >> but when i was young, i was a

little bit of a punk. not -- i mean -- yeah. i used to cut my own heair, dye my hair, being a dude -- in between jobs i wasn't worried about the continue consequence. >> jimmy: just do it. that's when you know you're cool. i am not cool enough to take a risk like that. i would never do anything like that. i once tricked my cousin sal into letting me cut his hair but that's as close as i got to it. when you say you were a punk, were you like a punk rock punk? or a punk punk kind of guy? >> well, you know, when i moved to l.a. i was 19 years old. and i had almost no money. and a lot of disposable time. they were lean years. jobs didn't come fast and furious. my friends seth, seth green, you know seth green. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: of course, very funny guy. >> and brecken myer who was in "clueless." the three of us used to get up

to some activity you could classify as punk -- >>. >> jimmy: like what? what would you do? >> it wasn't that -- we were really obsessed with light vandalism. [ laughter ] examples of which are -- well, i guess a primary focus became -- you know how when -- you know a used car lot or there used to be a kong video on ventura boulevard that had a giant inflatable king kong on top of it. we wanted to unplug -- we had an obsession with unplugging inflatables on top of buildings. so we would sneak on -- we would find ladders and things and go up on top of these buildings. and unplug inflatables. we also broke into the sherman oaks galleria. the big mall. >> jimmy: the mall, really? >> yeah, yeah. but we didn't steal anything. we were going to the nordstroms, rearranged furniture.

you know how every mall has the big giant christmas display or massive easter bunny? >> jimmy: yeah. >> we'd find those and take weird pictures with them. >> jimmy: wow. you were doing interior design. [ laughter ] >> the only place -- there was a little bit of an aggressive streak to it, sometimes if we'd lose a job and then, you know, there was promotion for that movie or whatever it was, we might have removed the bus stop poster too. >> jimmy: because you didn't get picked to be in the movie. >> yeah we might have unscrewed some lights on a billboard. >> jimmy: you guys were out of control. [ laughter ] >> far less distractions back then. there was no twitter, instagram, we had to make up our own fun. >> jimmy: do your own thing, yeah. now this television show is a -- it's like the mcrib, only for a limited time. >> yeah. >> jimmy: enjoy it while it's

there, correct? >> yes. >> jimmy: eight episodes of the show? >> similarly to how -- "true detective." you know there's a beginning, middle, end. so you're not going to be strung along and wondering, where's this going? end of the ten hours you're going to have the answer. >> jimmy: and what if the show does fantastically great? >> which it will. >> jimmy: then it's just over? that's how it's going to go? >> no, there will be a season with a new cast. juliette lewis, who's incredible, and plays the detective who makes my life miserable, she would have a whole new group of people to terrorize. >> jimmy: she would remain, you'd be kicked off. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we have a clip here that you brought this clip -- >> i brought a clip tonight. well, because one of the strong points of the show is you really -- it requires you to pay attention. each and every line of dialogue, each character, whether they seem like they're passing through the show or not, you've

got to look for their motives. and so i thought i'd bring something that illustrate idea you need to pay close attention to "secrets and lies." >> jimmy: let's play the clip. ♪ [ tv chatter ] [ clicks tv off ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: didn't even get to the punch line. >> well, you see how shifty and sweaty he was? >> jimmy: who? >> you. >> jimmy: the guy -- oh. >> the jimmy kimmel-type character. and his weird obsession with like rice crispy treats. keep your eye out for that guy, he could pop back up again. >> jimmy: you have an app of some kind. am i correct? >> yeah, man, i'm so excited.

in a couple months we're going to release this thing. it's essentially the t-shirt cannon of the internet. but for things that you really want. it's called deedle, named after my son deacon. people can sign up now at thedeedle.com. >> jimmy: you'll break into their malls and shoot things at them? >> we'll give free cool stuff to the country. how does that sound? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sounds unprofitable is how it sounds to me. well, it's very good to see you. congratulations on your show. "secrets and lies." sunday nights, 9:00, on abc. ryan phillippe is here. be right back with joywave! [ cheers and applause ] >> dickey: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world.

the real question that needs to be asked is

"what is it that we can do that is impactful?" what the cloud enables is computing to empower cancer researchers. it used to take two weeks to sequence and analyze a genome; with the microsoft cloud we can analyze 100 per day. whatever i can do to help compute a cure for cancer, that's what i'd like to do. >> dickey: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank cate blanchett, ryan phillippe, and apologize to matt damon, we

ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, their album "how do you feel now" comes out in april, here with the song "somebody new" joywave! ♪ ♪ ♪ with my eyes on the prize not a thing to my name with my head in the clouds and my body don't waste ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up don't wanna ever wake up i don't ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up next to somebody new don't wanna ever wake up ♪

♪ don't wanna ever wake up i don't don't wanna ever wake up next to somebody new ♪ ♪ with my eyes to the south ♪ ♪ with my eyes to the south and my brain up in space flip my nervous hips around i'm a step out a sync ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up

don't wanna ever wake up i don't ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up next to somebody new ♪ don't wanna ever wake up next to somebody new ♪ ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up don't wanna ever wake up i don't ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up next to somebody new

don't wanna ever wake up ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up i don't don't wanna ever wake up next to somebody new ♪ ♪ don't wanna ever wake up don't wanna ever wake up i don't next to somebody new ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

this is "nightline." >> tonight, when perfectly good homes go very bad. with tenants long gone, they're foreclosed and left to rot, dragging your property value down with them. it can be gross, even dangerous. so how do you cope with zombie houses invading neighbors near you? >> it's really pretty with the birds. >> would you let your baby be born in the wild? hospitals offering new options as some mops forgo the docs and drugs in favor of a more natural birding experience from the tubs into the woods. is it safe? "the sound of music" basks in the spotlight at the oscars. ♪ the hills are alive >> tonight on the 50th anniversary of the beloved classic the real-lif